12x04 - All About Meme

[bunniefuu]

-[Kris] Welcome home, baby.
-[Kim] You look good.

[Kris] Rob is moving into his new house.

It's been a labor of love.

Do you love it? Do you love it?
Do you love it?

[Kim] After Rob and Blac Chyna
started dating,

Rob is out and about.

It's a miracle.

If she gave him confidence,
more power to her.

Even though there's been this drama,

if this is what it takes,

I don't care who he's dating.

[upbeat music]

[Kylie] Where's Khloé?

[Harry] I don't know.
I haven't seen her yet.

Okay, cool. Harry's gonna be,
like, a little assistant.

[Harry] What does that mean? Like…

-Am I gonna be your assistant--
-Like a sous-chef. Sous-chef.

Hello, hello, hello, hello.

[Kylie] Hello!

-Hello.
-I'm so excited for this.

I'm so excited for this.

[Khloé] This is so up my alley.

[Kylie] Hey, Khlo.

What are we doing today?

Cooking with Kylie on her app!

[Kylie] Today we have sliders.

[Khloé] But you know
I don't eat red meat or pork,

and you picked that.

That's why I said chicken. That's okay.

So Khloé doesn't eat red meat. So, great.

-So…
-[Khloé] Or pork.

-So this is a great meal.
-Or pork.

So, she's not gonna be able
to eat this meal.

[Khloé] Just to be on a segment
on your app

makes me so [bleep] lubricated,
you have no idea.

[snorts]

Okay, so it's always good
to know how to make sliders.

Today we have beef.

-Ooh.
-Ground beef.

[Kylie] These are all our condiments.

Condoms!

Um…
[clicks tongue]

-We have our little slider buns.
-[muffled laughter]

[Khloé] Buns! Yeah!

Bidi-bidi-bun-bun!

But it never hurts to marinate your meat.

[Harry] That's actually disgusting, Khloé.

[Kylie] And we have white cheddar.

Do you like white cheddar the best?

-Yeah, I do.
-[Harry] Why's that?

[Kylie] I don't know.
I just like how it tastes.

-Makes me feel good.
-[Harry] Yeah. Yeah, no.

I love things that make me feel good.

-Like what?
-Yeah.

Normally, they're not white.

Hmm.

[exhales deeply]
Damn.

-Like you, Harry.
-[Khloé mimics rimshot]

[theme music]

[upbeat music]

[Khloé whoops]
Sporty Spice!

Sporty Spice is here.

Chic Spice.

-Furry Spice.
-[Khloé] Yeah, Sporty Spice.

Did you see my bowling pic with the, um…

Why are you sitting right here?

Like, how am I supposed to talk to you?
[laughs]

-So I'll just finish this story…
-Wait, so just sit right here.

-…really quick.
-Oh, wait.

-She's telling us something.
-Okay.

[Kim] So, I called Rob,

and he said
that Chyna wants to talk to me.

And, you know, I just told him

that I'll talk to her when I'm ready.

And so, he put me on speaker.

And then he was like,
"Oh, Kim, Chyna's in the room."

[gasps]

"Um, I just wanted to tell you
so you didn't think I was alone."

And so she goes, "Hi," in the background,

-and I didn't say anything--
-You didn't say hi?

No, I did not know what to say, I froze.

-[Khloé] You're joking.
-No, he goes, "Hold on."

"I'm gonna brush my teeth.
You talk to her."

And so I go, "Okay, gotta go. Bye."

And I hung up.

[Kim] I understand that Kylie dating Tyga

completely broke Chyna's heart.

I feel for her
in that, you know, situation.

[Kim] Was it uncomfortable for me

when Kylie and Tyga started to date?

Absolutely.

Because Chyna was my friend,

but I had no choice
but to take my sister's side.

That's my sister.

I just wasn't ready, you know?

And I'm not gonna, like, be forced
to be on the phone with her.

Do I think that everyone needs

to sit down and talk
and work it out? Absolutely.

I'll talk to her when I am ready.

I have no reason to be rude.

This is a…
I love talking to you like this.

[Kourtney] Well, I can see
your text messages too.

-[laughs]
-Why do I care?

Oh, is that why you're sitting here?

[chuckles]
Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] Come here, Goosie.

Okay, let's put on your jacket.

[Kendall] Oh, my god,
she's wearing riding pants.

Hi, P.

[Kourtney] You wanna go with Kenny

-and I'll get your backpack?
-Yeah.

-[Kourtney] Okay.
-[Kendall] Come on.

I have been working nonstop
and traveling a lot.

So when I do come home, I try hard to see

my sisters and my brother.

Mama, you see the slices of bread.

[Kendall] The last couple of times
I've gone home,

my nieces and nephews,

every time I feel like they get bigger,

and they grow up even more.

[Kendall] It's, like, crazy.

[Kourtney] The turkey Reuben sounds good.

What comes on it?

Turkey, Thousand Island,
sauerkraut, and mozzarella.

What's sauerkraut?

You don't know what sauerkraut is?

No. It sounds gross.

[Kourtney] It's like…

sour.

-Kraut?
-[Kourtney] Exactly.

-I don't know what kraut is.
-Yeah, I'm, like,

not on my A game today.

Mm.

Kylie looked so pretty last night.

[Kendall] Oh, what did you guys do?

[Kourtney] Nicole Reda's in town.

They're staying with Allie
and our friend, Ben.

I took them to the WME party.

[Kourtney smacks lips]
And it was fun.

Again, I love that you called me

-to hang out.
-I know.

I'm joking.

-[Kendall] You didn't call me.
-Oh.

Mm…

I feel torn sometimes
'cause I do love my career,

and I love being able to travel the world

and I feel blessed. But at the same time,

I don't get to see my family very often.

I feel like I'm missing out
on certain things at home,

and it sucks.

You don't use
the blue one very often, do you?

[Penelope speaks indistinctly]

I ran into your friend, Leon, last night.

[Kourtney] He was at Chateau.

You know, it like, still really annoys me

that you guys come to the city
and don't hang out with me.

You aren't always here,
so then we, like, forget.

-You forget about me?
-[Kourtney] Yep.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] Oh, my god.
We were reading a Bible book,

and the angel in the book was this

person with long hair

and, like, a white long dress.

Penelope was like,
"That looks like my grandma!"

And I was like, "Which grandma, Bonnie?"

She was like, "No."

And I go, "Lovey? Gigi?"

And she was like, "No." And she goes,

"My grandma that came with us
to see Zootopia."

Caitlyn.

So I was thinking, I didn't even think

Caitlyn was a grandma.

-Yeah.
-[Kourtney] You know?

-[Kris] Hey, guys.
-[Kourtney] Hey, Mom.

-Hello. So…
-[Kim] What's happening?

-I just went outside.
-[Kim] Yeah?

And there's like four huge scratches
in my driveway.

[tense music]

I have a strict "don't park your car
on my driveway" rule.

And guess what?
Somebody parked on my driveway.

[Kris] It does not look like a situation

where nobody came on my driveway.

I'm gonna k*ll that kid.

I can barely believe

that Kim and Kanye
are still living with me.

There's major boundaries

that are not being observed. So I'm done.

That's it.

Final straw. I'm done.

I have not parked in your driveway.

-This is the first time…
-It's people that I think…

-…in six months.
-…have dragged stuff

out of the garage on your behalf

and scraped it across the floor.

What would they be dragging?

-Dead bodies.
-[Kris] She has racks

in the garage with all

-of her clothes on them.
-But they have wheels.

No, I don't think they have wheels.

-Yeah, they do.
-[Kris] They're not those kind of racks.

-Yeah, they are. All my racks--
-[Kris] All the standing racks

-with all your bags on them?
-Yep.

Kim, you know, if this was
the other way around,

you guys would want me
to be more respectful.

You know, you guys like to live
exactly a certain way

in your own homes,

so why am I, like, being, sort of ignored

-for the things that I like in my house?
-Look what Scott sent.

-Oh, my god.
-[Kim] That's so cute.

All right. Well, I'll have
to check camera footage,

but the least you could, guys do

is be a little respectful of my driveway.

[Kris] I just built this gorgeous driveway

and it took me nine months,

and I just, would like it if you just--

[Kourtney] That one
kind of looks like Mason.

…paid attention to me.

My mom is insane.

[Kim] She won't let anyone
drive on the driveway.

They have to park in the dirt
and get a ticket

every single day.

[Kim] It's literally like this
every single day.

Like, she comes up
with something different.

Like, the washing machine broke,

-and it's all my fault.
-[Kourtney] She tells me.

-[Kim] She literally…
-She tells me all the time.

-It's so…
-The chef broke my pots and pans

-and my stove, and…
-It's like…

She just tells me
thing after thing after thing.

I literally deal with this every day.

It's, like, always something.

Like, literally, there's something wrong
every single day.

[upbeat music]

[Jonathan laughing]

This is fun.

Mm-hmm.

[Jonathan] Oh, wait, let me see
that video for a good laugh.

Oh, and then I gotta really
show you a good funny one.

-Find me a funny one, please.
-[Kim] Okay.

[phone chimes]

[Kim] Hold on. My friend just sent me
something on Chyna.

What it says, "Bitch, bye.

Follow cooking with Chyna.
Infatuated with chai."

[Kim] Like, why is that?

Oh, 'cause Kylie just put
a thing on Instagram

about cooking with Kylie.

-On what did… Where?
-[Jonathan] On her app.

[Kim] Kylie loves to cook
and loves to bake,

so as soon as Kylie posts this video,

Rob's girlfriend,

who had her own cooking show, got upset.

[Kim] Hey, did you just see
what Chyna posted?

[Kylie] What do I do?

What do we do about this?

Just ignore it. Don't do anything back.

Like, Khloé, if you say ignore it,

she always has to do an Instagram tweet

or something as a dig.

So don't, like--

[Kylie] No, I never dig.

I was willing to talk to her.

I said, I have… I'm going on vacation,

and I have to, like, you know,
I need more time.

[Kim] I never left them,
like, thinking negatively.

[Kylie] Yeah, like, we were close.

We were actually talking
about talking to her.

Yeah.

[tense music]

[Kylie] I think that Mom needs to,
like, talk to her or something.

I don't know what's going on.

I think so too.

[Kylie] I've never paid her any mind

or had any fight with her
over social media.

I didn't know you had a cooking Instagram.

I don't stalk your life.

[Kim] Kylie, Tyga, Chyna, Rob,

like, all the drama, it's too messy.

I'm calling my brother right now.

[Kim] The fact that my brother
would allow his girlfriend

to talk so bad

about his little sister publicly,
isn't cool.

[phone line rings]

[automated voice] I'm sorry,
the person you are trying to reach

has a voicemail box
that has not been set up yet.

[Kim] So not cool.

[electronic music]

[camera shutter clicking]

[Kim] She looks so good.

She literally has the best body.

I cannot wait to get in shape now.

[Khloé] I am doing a photoshoot
for Shape magazine.

I am super excited about it.

[Khloé] I need to work out consistently,

and I have not been
as religious as I once was.

But do I embrace my curves
and just say [bleep] it?

Sure. It is what it is.

You are so inspiring me.

[Khloé] Thank you for coming.

[Kim] Of course.

Wait, did you see, um…

Rob's Instagram?

[Khloé] Yeah, that's [bleep] up.

[Kim] It's so crazy, right?

[Khloé] Rob has been publicly
posting memes about

if the [bleep] is that good,
he'd rather be an orphan.

[Khloé] Like, to me, that's not funny.

I called him, and he said,
"Oh, it's just a funny meme.

There's no beef between us all.
I love you guys."

I'm like, "There's a beef now."

He's so annoying.

[Khloé] I have reached out
to Rob a few times.

Rob is too busy to respond to me,

but he's not too busy to post

a [bleep] meme.

That's so unnecessary.

[Kim] I just need a break from him.

Yeah.

[Kim] What is this sh**t for, Shape?

It's so good.

-[Kim] Like, honestly, like--
-What's on your jacket, Kim?

-Me.
-Oh.

-Totally normal.
-And me.

And me, and me.

[Khloé laughs]
Oh…

Okurrr!

[electronic music]

[Khloé] Oh, yes, Tina!

You looked so cute
when you wore that baseball hat

and that red jacket.

You looked like a down-ass bitch.

-[laughing]
-[phone chimes]

[Kim] Mom's so [bleep] annoying.

I walk in and my room is empty.

[Khloé] What do you mean?

All the furniture has been moved out.

But why… why is your stuff out?

[Kim] 'Cause she gave it to Rob.

And I was like, "Um, excuse me?

Are you gonna tell me
that you've emptied out my room?"

And Kanye walks in and goes, "Okay.

It's very clear she wants us to leave."

[Kim] I know we have lived
with my mom way too long.

I totally get it,
but I have six weeks left

until we are gonna move into our house,

and she's pretty much kicked
her daughter out of her room.

She could have waited a few more weeks.

So it's the furniture
that was in your bedroom.

Yeah. She claims that was his furniture.

-That's not true.
-[Kim] No.

She just lies and lies and lies. Own up.

Like, let's just be honest
about what you're doing.

I know.

[upbeat music]

[Kendall] So what exactly are you doing?

[Kris] So, you know your stomach goes…

[humming]
…six times?

When you get it all tightened up,

you feel, like, so good about yourself,

and then you turn 50.

[laughs]

Thanks for giving me something
to look forward to.

So, how are you guys doing?

[Kris] We're good.

[Dr. Ourian] It's really not as bad
as you imagine it to be.

So the CoolSculpting is a great treatment.

It's going to freeze the fat.

The treatment is FDA cleared.

And it lasts a very, very long time.

[Joyce] So you're, like,
so naturally gorgeous and perfect,

can you imagine having to do
all this stuff?

It's so interesting to watch,
to be honest.

-Appreciate your abs, honey.
-[Kris] Yeah.

[Kendall] Wait, on another note,
how crazy is it

that Kourtney and Kylie
come out to the city

and don't call me when they come out?

And I'm the only one that lives out here,

I live right down the street,
and they don't call me.

[Joyce] Sometimes you just get
really busy,

and you have time to do
one thing, you know?

[Kendall] No, but it's not like that.

It's like they come out here,
and they go out.

-Like, out to, like…
-[Joyce] That's not nice.

…restaurants and places.

[Kendall] And then a couple days later,
Kylie came out here to go shopping.

They made excuses.

[Kendall] I'm in town,
and I had to find out

through social media

that my sisters are out in the city,

having fun without me.

Like, I already told Kourtney
that this annoys me,

and now it just sucks even more
that it happened again.

I don't wanna be, like, forgotten

just 'cause I have to work a lot.

[upbeat music]

[phone line ringing]

-[ringing continues]
-[blow dryer buzzing]

-Hey.
-[Kris] Hi.

You're so cute.
You look like a little kid today.

[Kendall] I have zero makeup on.

[Kris] That's why you look like
a little kid today.

You haven't done your glam yet.

Probably.

We're getting ready to go
with Kylie's Lip Kit.

Um, all righty.

I just wanted you
to wish your sister luck.

Good luck, sister.

Have a little more enthusiasm.

Good luck!

[Kendall] I wish Kylie would have told me

that she was doing her lipstick launch

'cause I would have, like,
cleared my schedule

and made sure
that I could have been there.

I'm frustrated just 'cause everyone
has so much going on.

I feel like I'm missing it.

Love you.

Okay, bye.

[mellow music]

[upbeat music]

[Jonathan] Hey.

-What is this place?
-[Jonathan] What's up?

It's just a rental I got.

I'm just keeping this one
for a month for now.

-[Kim] Fancy.
-[Jonathan] Yeah.

By the way, you know
my birthday is on Sunday?

Yeah.

I hope you planned something.

We got it planned. Don't worry.

I love it. I feel like I've spent

the last seven birthdays with you.

[Kim] Yeah.

-It'll be fun.
-Birthdays and, like,

almost all Halloweens.

What are we gonna do this Halloween?

I feel like I'll be skinny again.

-Yeah, you need to, like--
-I can wear some, like,

fun costume.

[Kim] What can we do
that's, like, still cool?

'Cause Kanye doesn't really do Halloween.

Yeah, we just have
to pretty much keep him Kanye.

-Yeah.
-It'd be fun

if you came out as Amber Rose.

You would k*ll it.

That would be the best thing ever.

'Cause he could still stay Kanye.

And Kylie could be Chyna.

And Tyga could just stay Tyga,
he doesn't have to switch.

Yes!

-You'll be Amber and Chyna.
-[Kim] Oh, my god.

-That would be so funny.
-[phone chimes]

You could put the red shades on,
with the, with the stripes.

Yeah.

[Jonathan] That would be the best thing.

[Kim] My mom, I'm gonna k*ll her.

[Jonathan] Why?

"So my chef told me that now
we have roaches in our pantry

because of all of the messes in there.

No one cleans up after themselves,

and it's such a pigsty."

[Kim] So [bleep] annoying.

Honestly, my mom
is accusing me of everything.

[Kim] I mean, cockroaches in the pantry?

She's insane.

No one has even eaten there
or uses food in the pantry.

[phone chimes]

You know my mom, like, makes up lies.

She's like, "Oh, um…"

-Like, "Oh, you broke this."
-She's sick, let's nail her.

[Kim] I think it's just, like, ridiculous.

Like, I cannot take this anymore.

All right, I need to tell Kanye.

[line ringing]

Hey, you're on speaker.

My mom is claiming that it's our fault

that she has roaches in her pantry.

[Kanye] Can we stay
at the Four Seasons tonight?

'Cause I don't feel like going home.

Bear with me.

[Kanye] I don't want to sleep
at my mother-in-law's house just tonight.

Hey, how amazing is this idea?

For Halloween this year,
what if you were you,

and I was Amber,

and then Kylie was Chyna
and Tyga was Tyga?

[Kanye] Yeah, I think that's lit.

-Isn't that--
-Lit!

Now tell him whose idea it was,
now that he said it's lit.

-It was my idea…
-[Jonathan] Yeah, right.

[Kanye] It's gonna be so lit.

[laughter]

So lit!

[upbeat music]

-[Kourtney on phone] Hey, Mom.
-[Kris] Hi.

-[Kourtney] Hi.
-How are you?

[Kourtney] I'm okay.
I'm feeling a little bit sick.

Mason has been sick,

and I feel like
I'm getting it a little bit.

[Kris] That's not good, honey.

[Kourtney]
Yeah, we're going to this doctor today.

[Kourtney coughs]

I was talking to Kendall
about home and she said,

"I miss anything in an American market,"

like grilled cheese
and the stuff she likes to--

[Kourtney] Tell her to come
to my house and be gluten-free,

dairy-free, and see how she feels.

[laughs]

She'd probably miss her house.

She's so overwhelmed,

and she's been watching you guys,

I think, on, you know,
social media or Instagram

or whatever, and she…

I think she's feeling really left out,

and she feels like,

-she misses you so much.
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

[Kris] After the last show,
she started crying.

I felt so bad.

She was like, "I miss my sisters
so much," and I…

It just broke my heart
because she's so homesick.

Kendall can be really sensitive,

but she doesn't always show it.

So I think it's really important
that the girls give Kendall

a little extra love
when she's back in town,

and maybe surprise her
with something fabulous.

There's nothing like family.

[Kourtney] I'm gonna be with Kim
so I'll talk to her about it.

[Kris] Okay. That would mean
so much to her, Kourt,

you have no idea.

All right, well, I love you.

-[Kourtney] Love you! Okay.
-Okay. Me too.

I can't wait to see you.

-[Kourtney] Love you.
-[line beeps]

[upbeat music]

For fun, you wanna do the face swap?

[Kylie] Mm-hmm.

Ooh, there, I look really good
right there.

I think this is the best face swap ever.

I've always wanted to look like you.

-Hey, Kylie.
-Hey, Kim.

Oh, my god!

[both laugh]

That was your tongue
that came out of my mouth.

[Kylie] Your tongue just
came out of my mouth.

That is so funny.

-[Kim] That is so weird.
-[both laugh]

[Kylie] Rob texted me.

-Saying what?
-Last night.

Talking about how he wants to move.

[Kylie] He texted me and said,

"Does Tyga wanna buy my house?
I hate it, I'm out."

-Why does he hate his house?
-Dude.

[Kim] I have no idea
what my brother's thinking.

I mean, my mom literally
just helped him move

into a new house,

and now he says he doesn't want
the house anymore.

I mean, as crazy as my mom is right now,

I don't know why he's being
so crazy mean to her.

I said, "Robert, why you gotta
let Mom get all disrespected?"

"That's so hurtful to my mom."

"Let me get happy
and the rest will follow."

Dude. I need to call Mom right now.

She should never have done that.

I know.

[upbeat music]

[Kim] It's so funny
that Mom literally copies everything I do.

-Like what?
-She, like, wore a baseball hat

and Yeezys.

[Kim] And I wore that this weekend.

Literally, every photo
is a different baseball hat

and Yeezys.

[Kourtney clicks tongue]
Um, so I talked to Mom.

She just said how Kendall's,
like, so homesick,

and that she was crying. And I was like,

"I haven't even heard
from her, like, once."

But it would be nice for us
to do something for her.

Like, remember, like, when we'd go to,

like, sleepaway camp?

And you'd come home and, like everyone

would kind of, like, welcome you home?

-[Kim] Yeah.
-I feel like it's like,

when you're an adult

and you have a job
and, like, you come home, like,

-no one cares.
-[Kim] No one… Yeah.

-We should do, like…
-So…

…a care package

and we'll be, like,
her welcoming committee.

[Kourtney] Yeah.

I mean, we could stock her place
with, like, her favorite stuff

and do, like, a girls' night in.

And just, like,
just get her, like, excited.

It does make me sad to hear
that Kendall feels left out.

I feel like when she's gone,
I never hear from her,

so I just assume
that she's having the time of her life.

[Kourtney] We definitely miss Kendall
when she's gone,

and I think that we should do something

so that she knows that.

[Kourtney] Mom said all she talks about

is, like, going to the…

an American grocery store.

[Kim] I haven't been to a grocery store

in, like, four years.

[Kourtney] Yeah.

[Kim] I just don't even know
what flavor deodorants

they have anymore.

[Kourtney] What?

[electronic music]

[Kourtney] Just tell me
if this is a good background.

[photographer] Okay.

-Good.
-[Kris] What is…

What is she doing, exactly?

[Kourtney] We're doing two more photos.

-Don't you look at my Instagram?
-[Kris] No.

[Kourtney chuckles]

[line ringing]

-[Kim] Hello?
-Hi.

-Hi.
-[clicks tongue]

So I'm just letting you know

that I'm about to take Mom to lunch.

[Kourtney] Today is the day

that Kim is going to surprise my mom

by moving out of my mom's house, finally,

and so she's asked me to distract my mom.

I'm going to try and buy Kim
as much time as possible.

-[Kim] Okay, bye.
-Bye.

[Kourtney] Mom, do you think
my stomach looks wrinkly?

Like an old lady stomach?

And does it look better if it's sucked in

or not sucked in?

-It was not sucked in--
-[Kris] Well, it always looks better.

No, not sucked in is better.

Hmm.

[Kourtney] Okay, let's go.

-Ready?
-Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[reverse gear alarm beeping]

She's out of the house
for a few more hours.

-Everything on a moving truck.
-[mover 1] Okay, boss.

[Kim] Thank you.

Kourtney is in charge
of keeping my mom busy today.

They just got their nails done,

and now they're on their way
to go get lunch.

-I have your tray of jewelry.
-[Kim] Okay.

-We have our cribs.
-Mm-hmm.

Kanye and I and the kids
are gonna move temporarily

into our Bel Air home.

[Kim] We don't have a lot of time

before everything has to be packed

and moved out of the house,

so it's so stressful

trying to hurry up and get this all done.

I feel like I need to take
some more Advil.

[lively music]

[Kourtney] Come on, Poosh!

[Kris] Her braids are so cute.

[Penelope] Mom, what are these?

[Kris] That's kind of rotten, boo-boo.

[Kourtney] I think it's pretend.

Oh.
[chuckles]

[Kris] Looks real to me.

-Do you all pretend to eat this?
-Yeah.

-[Kris] Isn't that crazy?
-Oh, wait.

Is this one real?

No.

[munching playfully]

[Penelope] Know what?

Thank you.

Kylie keeps talking to me
about kind of burning out,

and I'm a little worried.

I mean, she's never alone.

-She always has her friends with her.
-[Kris] Mm-hmm.

I love to be alone.

I really like… my quiet time, and…

I recharge and…

I haven't had a meal
to myself in three years.

Mm-hmm.

[Kourtney] Um…

[Kris] The house has never been empty.

-Really?
-[Kris] Yeah.

They change diapers, like throw-up babies

and dogs that pee.

-It's all day long.
-Mm-hmm.

My mom is nonstop complaining
about Kim in the house.

I mean, one of my favorite things to do

is, like, stay in bed all day on a Sunday,

and have my computer

-and my books and my magazines.
-Mm-hmm.

[Kourtney] This is thankfully
the last lunch

I'm gonna have to sit through
listening to this.

[Kris] Oh, my god, it's unbearable.

-[Kourtney] Yeah.
-Mm.

[Kourtney] Kim better move quickly

because there's only
so much of this I can take.

[upbeat music]

[mover 2]
Guys, we're running out of space.

Gonna have to wait for another truck.

Not possible today. Not possible.

There is so much stuff to move
and just not enough time,

so I'm kind of, like, freaking out.

We have to make it work.

Anything in the garage,
they need to empty it.

My mom was definitely trying
to pull a fast one on me

by moving me out,

but I will definitely show her
who the queen of surprises is.

I think she's gonna be sad.

[woman] She'll be sad.

But she'll run around the house naked.

-[Penelope] Mama!
-[Kourtney] Huh?

After, can we make something with paint

at Color Me Mine?

[Kourtney]
Let's see how much time we have.

[Kris] Uh-oh.

It's been a long day, Kourtney.

I'm gonna head home now.

-Huh.
-[Kris] Yeah.

So, P, can you drive me home?

[Penelope] No.

[Kris] Do you drive yet, P?

No.

-[Kris] Are you sure?
-No.

[Kourtney] When are you gonna drive?

When I'm five.

-Five?
-[Kris] Oh, five.

Will you drive me to the mall
when you're five?

-Mm-hmm.
-[Kris] Thank you.

[Kourtney] Are you not coming in here?

No. I'm going in my car.

-[Kris] I'm gonna go home.
-[Kourtney] Okay.

Okay, let me call KiKi really quick.

[line rings]

-[Kim] Hello?
-Hi.

-[Kim] Hi.
-[smacks lips]

Um, so we just had lunch,
we just finished.

[Kourtney] So she's going straight home.

So I'm sure she'll be there soon.

[Kim] Oh, my god.

I distracted my mom as long as possible,

so hopefully, Kim finished the move.

[Kourtney] Okay, so, uh,

that's my update, I guess.

[Kim] Okay, bye.

Okay, hurry, guys. She's coming. Hurry.

[Kim] We are so close.

She cannot come
till the moving truck's gone,

or the surprise will be totally ruined.

[Kim] She cannot come
till the moving truck's gone,

or the surprise will be totally ruined.

[Kris] You look cute.

[Kim] Hey, thanks.

-Guess what.
-What?

Not one of my things resides
in this home anymore.

I spent the entire day
moving into my Bel Air house.

Stop! Seriously?

Wait a second.

Wait, you really moved out of here?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh! What?

[Kris] Oh…

My child moved out.

Wait, your clothes are really gone.

[Kim] Everything's gone.

It's all moved. The kids' beds.
There's no cribs.

-There's no cribs?
-[Kim] Everything's gone.

How did you know
that I was gonna be gone all day?

I planned it, honey.

Wow.

[Kris] I feel like a teenager
that just got their own house.

It's amazing. This is a big day.

-Aw…
-But, um…

-I'm gonna miss my roommate.
-But…

Maybe tomorrow,
we'll have everyone come over

and see the house.

I would love to.

This is probably one
of the happiest days of my life.

I can't imagine a better surprise.

I think it was thoughtful
that she decided to move out

and give me some privacy.

[Kris] I haven't even let it sink in yet,

but this is amazing.

[Kim] Enjoy your house.

Your first night alone.

[laughing]

-[door closes]
-Oh, my god.

Bye! I love you!

Whoa! I got my house back!

Yes!

[Kris laughs]

I love it!

[upbeat music]

[Penelope] Mom, where's Lovey?

[Kourtney] She's coming.

Hi, guys.
[chuckles]

[Kourtney] Hey, Mom.

[Kris] How's everybody doing?

-[Kourtney] Good.
-Yeah?

Yeah.

[Kris] You have no idea how amazing it is

to have an empty house.

Oh, I feel… I feel so good.

Mm-hmm.

[Kourtney] Wait, what's up
with Rob and Chyna?

[Kris] You know, actually,

I don't really wanna deal
with Rob right now

because they, you know,
went on his Instagram

and posted all these pictures,

making fun of the food that I bought.

[Kris] Just because it's really healthy.

And it really hurt my feelings.

[Rob] What the [bleep] is this?

[Kris] I tried to do a really good job

at stocking Rob's pantry

with some healthy food,
so I'm kind of shocked

that he's making fun
of what I just did for him.

I know that the posts are just about food,

but it just hurts my feelings

because it took a lot of time

and effort to make sure

that it was all perfect for Rob.

And so, I'm not sure
where it's coming from.

That pantry has to be stocked

for several different family members.

It's not just Rob.

[Kris] So sh**t me 'cause we like quinoa.

He loves a supportive,
loving, fabulous family.

I don't get where this is coming from.

He's just so defensive.

So, I don't know what to do.

But your dad would have expected
more out of Rob.

It is hard to see, you know,

my mom so upset over Rob's posts.

And it's just a hard situation.

My mom does so much for him.

[Kris] Kourtney,
what should I do about him?

I'm just so confused.

There's nothing you can do.

And it's hurting my family.

[light music]

[door rattling]

[Khloé] Oh, yeah, it worked.

-Wait, so when does she…
-Oh.

-…come home?
-I did the wrong way

How cute, she has Lip Kits waiting for her

that were mailed to her.

Do you think this is interesting

that both of my kids are left-handed?

No, that's so great.

-[Kim] Really?
-That means they're gonna be

artsy-fartsy.

I respect lefties.

Really?

Kanye was a lefty,

but his mom made him be a righty.

-[Khloé] What?
-In school,

-they made him switch.
-[Khloé] Hmm…

Look at all this. She doesn't let me
unpack the boxes.

I always ask, "Can I unpack your boxes?"

She says she likes to do it herself.

[Khloé] I think we should display it cute.

Like, look at these dead flowers.

Like, I want her to have, like,
nice new flowers.

Where are these from?

You can't eat her stuff
that we're getting her.

Just one bite.

[Kim] Mm.

That is so cute.

[Kim] Okay, what…
what do you want me to say?

Like, "We're so happy to have you back.

Your sisters missed you.

Here's just a few little goodies
to let you know

that we're obsessed with you."

"Hello, gorgeous.

Welcome back.

We're so happy you are home.

Here are some of your fave things

to welcome you back
and know how much we love you."

[Kim] Oh, my god, they have pretzel minis?

Does she really need those? Just kidding.

[Kim] Don't you love looking
in people's cabinets?

No. Shut her cabinets!

[Khloé] Nermal…

When you first start dating a guy,
it's, like, my favorite thing to do.

[upbeat music]

[Kim] Hey, okay, come here.

Where should we go?
Let's go in the garage.

[phone line ringing]

[Rob] Hey.

[Kim] Hey, Rob? Look…

I never get pissed,
and I am so for you being happy,

but whatever Chyna and Kylie
and all the drama

that they have together,

like, that's for them to work out.

Mom has bent over backwards
doing all this stuff…

My mom told me about Rob
making fun of the food

that my mom bought him.

[Kim] I mean, my mom literally

just helped him move into a new house.

I have to call my brother out on this.

Like, there's no way I'm gonna
let my brother disrespect her.

Mom is pissed.

When you start publicly bashing
my sister and Mom,

that's not cool.

This is just unnecessary.

We just, this is not what our family does.

Like, there's way too much drama,

so many haters in the world,

we don't need it
from our own inside circle.

[Rob] I, I didn't even know
what was going on, first of all.

And I don't even think it's that serious.

Everyone has to just not be
blasting people on social media.

You two are a unit now,

so it looks like you're blasting Mom,

and it's petty as [bleep].

You two are a unit now,

so it looks like you're blasting Mom,

and it's petty as [bleep].

I just want everyone to be respectful

and to know that the social media part

just makes everyone look bad,

especially you, and I care about you.

[Rob] We're not [bleep]
like here to hurt anybody.

-Okay, all…
-[Rob] We're here [bleep].

It's like real.

I [bleep] with Chyna. I like her.

I love her. She loves me.

I don't want no fighting.

It's a little hard to see
my brother be mean to my mom.

[Kim] I mean, as siblings, like,

do we, like, give my mom a hard time?

Totally. But, like,

he really should just, like, be respectful

and acknowledge that my mom has put in

such hard work for him.

I think he just owes that to her.

[Rob] All right, we'll go
about it differently.

-I got you. And… I got you.
-I hope so.

Thank you, Rob. I really hope so.

-[Rob] Okay.
-Everyone should just be cool,

and we'll talk,
but this was a big setback,

and I didn't want that for you.

I love you and I'm not, you know,

I just think we gotta,
like, keep it tighter

and not have this, like, internal arguing

-that we bring out to the world.
-[Rob] Okay.

[upbeat music]

[Kendall] Hello?

[Kourtney] Yay!

Hi.

Reunited.

No, you need to learn how to hug.

When Kylie hugs, we push it in like this.

It's, like, really hugging.

-But, like…
-Okay.

If you really wanna hug them,
then hug them

in the way I just showed you.

-[Kendall] Okay.
-Hips forward…

[Kourtney] The last thing
we want Kendall to feel

is that she's left out.

And so, we wanna throw her

this little surprise girls' night,

so that we can all be together.

[Kourtney] We really want her
to know how valuable

having sister time is,

when she is in town.

[Kourtney]
We have all your favorites for you.

-Your favorite sweet potato fries.
-Food!

Oh, yeah. Thanks for my basket.

-Did you love it?
-[Kendall] It was so cute.

-Did you eat it?
-[Kendall] I did.

-Sadly.
-[Kourtney] Um…

We wanted to celebrate you being home.

[Kendall] Thanks, guys.

[Kourtney] We're… We never
not wanna hang out with you.

-I just always think you're out of town.
-Yeah.

When you're gone, Kenny,

we just never want you to feel,
like, alienated,

'cause we do so many things together,

like, we never want you
to feel, like, left out.

'Cause I feel like
Rob definitely feels left out,

so he, like…

I know, but I know… but I also know

that it's like I'm the one who's away.

It's not like you guys are choosing

-to not do things with me.
-[Kim] Yeah.

Yeah, true.

That's so funny. You get, like, FOMO.

I would get that way
when I was, like, super pregnant.

I love that my sisters put together
a little care package

and that we're all gonna have
kind of a girls' night together.

[Kendall] The second we see each other,

everything kind of falls back into place,

and we're always normal and we have fun.

[Kendall] And I guess, in the future,
I'll just let them know

that I'm in town more ahead of time,

and we can make time for each other.

Um, thanks, guys, for doing this.

-Yeah.
-[Kim] Of course.

Thanks for taking time to chill with us.

[Kim] Just pamper yourself.

[Kendall] Yeah.

[mechanical jabbering, rattling]

Mason, that's actually giving me chills.

-It's really freaky.
-[laughter]

I don't like it.
I really actually don't like it, Mason.

[Kendall laughs]

[upbeat music]

[Corey] Kim, I'm gonna call you Skinny K.

What you, a size two?

[Kim] Four.

[Corey] You'll be a two in three weeks.

Oh, hey, you.

[Kim] You have created some drama

that you need to get yourself out of.

[Rob laughs]

[Rob] No, I understand.

I know what I need to say.

[Kim] After I got off the phone with Rob,

he called Kylie to apologize
to her personally.

But I'm glad that Rob is here

to talk to my mom, like, face to face.

I think he just owes that to her.

-[Kris] Hey, Rob.
-Hey, Mom.

-Hey, Kim.
-[Kim] Hey.

-What's everybody doing?
-Just talking.

-[Kim] Just hanging.
-It's like a town hall meeting?

You look good.

[Rob] Thank you.

You look better.

[Kris] Uh-huh.

You…

have some "splainin" to do.

You decorated my home,
did all these nice things,

put, set everything up in my home.

[Rob] Do you really think that me and her

are gonna go around
making fun of everything

when we were literally enjoying the house,

our first night in the new home together,

and we were laughing
and making funny Snapchat videos

so everyone could see the house?

Why would your son go around

-publicly making fun…
-I don't know. That's why…

-…of his own mother?
-…I was so confused.

His only mother.

I'm very appreciative of everything,

so I always say that.

I'm not that type of person.

[Kris] No, I know. You're the best.

That's why I didn't know
what to make of it,

-'cause I was--
-Well, you obviously,

didn't understand the humor.

-But that was funny.
-Okay, okay.

All right, well, next time,
I'll try to keep that in mind.

[Kim] I'm really so happy that Rob

came over to talk to my mom.

And I just know that that makes my mom
feel so much better.

You know, I think she really deserves
to hear from him.

He really hasn't been making the effort
the last few years,

so it really does show
that my brother cares

and that he really does feel bad about it.

When Rob was a little boy,
I used to walk in the kitchen.

He would be laying on the floor,

and he would put ketchup
all over his body,

like he was bleeding
with a Kn*fe right here,

and lay there, going like this.

[Kris] And I would just walk over him.

-Like, totally ignore him.
-Yeah.

'Cause he tried to make me laugh.

So I get that you have
this crazy sense of humor,

but sometimes, I just need to be reminded.

[softly]
I know.

I love you, Rob. You're so cute.

I love you too.

I just really want the best for Rob.

[Kris] It's every mother's dream
to see her child

be really excited about life again.

I think the most important thing is that

Rob is in a really positive place,

and that's all that really matters.

[Kris] All right, give me a hug.
I love you.

-[Rob] Love you.
-Bye.

I'll call you.

-[Kris] See you later, dear.
-[Rob] See you.

[Kim] Next on Keeping Up
with the Kardashians…

I'm over not being able to go out
and just be, like, normal.

[Khloé] I know this guy
who does prosthetics.

[laughs]

[guide] Kim Kardashian's favorite place…

[Khloé] The Kardashians?
The Kar-trash-ians?

Khloé, run!
[Kylie laughs]

Kourtney and Scott's relationship
is a work in progress.

"I lost my family.
You guys gave up on me."

How are you trying, Scott?

He's just blaming everybody else
for his problems.

[Khloé] Scott…