01x19 - School Of Otis/Top Cow

[bunniefuu]

I'm just heading to the fields, duke.

I'll be back.

[Engine rumbles]

[Baaing]

Clear! [Rocking fiddle music]

All right!

Rat-a-bunga!

♪ From the haystacks ♪

♪ Up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing ♪

Whoo-hoo!

♪ Through the night ♪

Ow! Ow! Okay, ow.

Ow!

♪ Do-si-do your partner now ♪

♪ Gonna party by ♪ ♪ the morning light ♪

♪ Do-si-do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way ♪ ♪ we animals roll ♪

[Tires squeal] [engine revs]

Ha-ha!

[Up-tempo rock music]

♪ ♪

Whoosh!

Ice cow to wing rat.

Brain focused like laser beam.

I'm ready to begin my run.

Roger, ice cow. I got your approach.

Watch your flank on the right. Go get 'em.

Wing rat, I'm in trouble!

I'm switching to turbos!

Are you crazy? Have you lost your milk? She'll fly apart!

Then fly her apart!

Will you morons keep it down?

I'm trying to read my sassy romance novel.

[Electronic beeping]

Yes, I did it!

I earned my virtual flying ace status!

Yeah, right. More like flying idiot status.

Oh, I see what you did there.

For your information,

Flying's in my blood!

My uncle deke was a member of the tuskegee air cows.

He soared with the eagles!

And now you hang with the turkeys.

Ha! That's a good one!

I got to go write that down.

The sarcastic cow's got a point.

If I want to be a real pilot,

I got to take it to the next level.

Get the g*ng together, pip.

Today we slip the soiled bonds of earth and lip-kiss the sky!

That sounds gross.

-No, it'll be awesome. Trust me. -Okay.

-You trust me? -Yep.

Oh, man, check out those

Wicked sticks of sky candy!

The spirit of newark.

Ole' deathtrap?

You sure these heaps are safe?

Of course! Look at the struts on this thing.

Crash!

Otis, when you crash, can we have your stuff? Dibs on his comic books!

Uh, I'm not crashing.

I'm just gonna take this crate up for a quick spin.

Hold on there.

Well, hello, sir.

I am not a cow.

Well, I can see that.

I got eyes, ain't i?

Ah, you must be the new pilot

I advertised for inthe crop duster gazette.

Uh, I'm gonna say yes.

Well, let me tell you one thing.

There's a demon lives in the air,

And he eats punks like you for breakfast!

[Laughs crazily]

[Coughs]

Well, here's the keys to the

Air field, and here's today's

Crop-dusting assignment.

Crackatow!

[The lone rangertheme music]

Well, good luck, young feller.

[Chuckles]

Heeyah! Heeyah!

[Cackles]

You can count on me, crazy crop-dusting guy.

Wow, what an incredible stroke of contrivance.

Okay, g*ng, hop in.

What? Ho-ho, I'm not getting in that thing. Uh-uh.

Yeah, otis, we thought we'd kind of cheer you on from down here.

Guys, if I nail this test run, he'll let me fly every day,

And I'm gonna need a top-notch flight crew backing me up.

-What do you say? -Yeah, I love life too much.

I get air sick.

I've got in-flight peanuts.

All: we're in.

You sure you know what you're doing?

Of course. It's just like the video game.

This is replay. This fires my energy crystals.

And this is where the quarters go.

Well, I feel reassured.

Stewardess, contact!

Otis, I'm the flight mechanic.

Whatever you have to tell yourself.

-[Grunts loudly] -[engine rumbles]

Contact!

Fly, you beautiful air pony. Fly!

[Tires screeching]

Come on, come on, come on.

♪ Ahhh ♪

-Yay, otis! -I knew you could do it!

Okay, flight crew check in.

-Co-pilot? -I'm incredibly frightened.

Roger that. Navigator?

Err, uh, let's see. Go this way-ish,

Then scooch to the left.

And then we get out and ask.

Sweet! Abby, how's our adorable stewardess?

Otis, for the last time,

That's freddy and peck's job.

Yes, and the correct term is in-flight customer service representative.

Thank you, frederick. Attention, everyone.

Safety instruction time.

Now, there are two exits on this craft here and--

-Boring. -Heard it all before.

Fine, but when your lungs are screaming for oxygen, don't come crying to us.

Cut the chatter, crew. We're approaching our target.

Crop duster's here.

Sure is coming in low.

What--look, they're coming in. Oh, oh, no!

[Both screaming]

Sorry, my bad.

Pip, release the environmentally friendly pesticide.

Whatever you said--away!

[Both coughing]

That sure is some good crop-dusting.

[All cheering]

Man, otis, you really did learn something from that video game.

I'm just getting warmed up.

Hang on, guys. It's time to see what this baby can really do.

All: whoa!

Otis, level out!

Relax, I'm all over this.

Prepare for extremely cool landing.

-[Tires screech] -[all exclaiming]

[All groaning]

Man, that was great!

I was born to fly stuff.

Otis, you scared us half to death!

-All: yeah, otis! -Dude, that was not cool.

It sure was. You guys just haven't got your sky legs yet.

Oh, shh-shh. Here comes oldie.

You got the job.

I'll even let you take your pets up with you.

But remember...

There's a demon lives in my sandwich!

[Laughs crazily]

You heard the sandwich demon guy.

I'm a real pilot.

And my top-notch flight crew is going up with me on every mission.

Right, flight crew?

[All groan]

I'll take that as a yes.

[All screaming]

[All exclaiming]

Whoo-hoo!

[All screaming]

Another day, another high-altitude adrenaline rush.

Life is good!

What's up, flight crew?

Is this my flight crew in the house?

My flight crew ready for some

In-your-face crop-dusting, extreme style?

-All: no! -What?

Otis, you're a good pilot,

But you scare the plum sauce out of us.

Among other things. Gulp!

We're sorry, otis, but if you keep flying crazy,

You'll have to find yourself another flight crew.

Well, guys, I just had no idea.

I'd never do anything to hurt you,

But if you feel this strongly, then I solemnly swear,

No more hotdogging.

Now, do I still have my flight crew?

Uh, I don't know.

-I have to think about it. -I don't know.

-I've got honey roasted peanuts. -All: we're in!

[Tinny newscast music playing]

♪ ♪

Hi, everybody, hilly buford here, live,

Awaiting the landing of the new hotshot pilot

Who's crop-dusted his way into our hearts.

Hey, there he is now.

-[Crowd cheers] -look at that!

[Whistling]

Sweet cud! It's a media circus.

I guess everyone's crazy about my mad crop-dusting skills.

Dude, don't even think about it.

Otis, you promised.

That's right. Come on.

Okay, okay, I know. I promised.

We will do this by the book.

-Whoosh! -All: oooh.

-Whoosh! -Ahhh.

[Applause]

Oooh.

Thank you, otis. Now, let's head home.

All: hot dog! Hot dog! Hot dog! Hot dog!

Guys, they're chanting.

Can't I just give me a simple lateral twirling louie pivot?

All: no!

Hey, flying ace! Show us what you got.

Come on, don't be shy about it.

What? No one calls me shy.

Hang on, guys. This will be over before you know it.

All right!

Good stuff.

See, guys, this isn't so bad.

Dude, look out!

-Huh? -[All screaming]

Crash!

[All groaning]

I told you there's a demon lives in the air

And in that haystack and in my sock drawer!

Fellas, I'm worried about otis.

He hasn't been himself since the crash.

Hey, you with the horns.

You ever stared into the devil's mouth and had him lightly bite down?

Again, no.

Otis, you got to snap out of it, man.

-Nobody got hurt. -But you almost did.

My stupid overconfidence almost got us k*lled!

I'm done! Stick a fork in me.

I'll never fly again.

-I'm good with that! -Works for me.

I'm more of a train person anyway.

Hey, hotshots, come check out what's on the farmer's tv.

Our top story: a swarm of deadly locusts is headed this way!

With our hotshot crop duster

Missing in action, they'll be no stopping the hungry hexapods.

Oh, you think you're better than me?

Well, do ya?

Otis, a swarm of locusts is headed this way!

They're gonna make the farmer's field

An all-you-can-eat buffet!

Oh, great. Oh, well, that's just awesome.

Now I've let everybody down:

You guys, the farmer, uncle deke, that goat over there!

I am the sky schnook!

I'll handle this. [Clears throat]

Snap out of it!

Get it together, man!

Snap out of it!

Freddy, shouldn't you be slapping otis?

He's much too big.

Forget it, you guys.

I'm not flying. I can't fly...ever.

Then I reckon it's up to us to stop them locusts.

How? Otis crashed our plane.

I've been rebuilding her out back.

Pip, can you fly her?

I almost b*at otis' high score once.

I'll give it a sh*t.

[Loud buzzing]

[Dramatic orchestral music]

There they are. Hang on.

I bet they get one look at us

And run for their tiny lives.

[Buzzing]

Oh, I really missed that call, didn't i?

Whoosh!

Hold her steady, pip.

I can't. I only have one wing.

Oh, no! They're in trouble.

You calls yourself a pilot?

Get your butt up there!

You're right, screwball.

By the way, why do they call this planeole' deathtrap?

'Cause it's terribly unsafe.

Good, just checking.

Incoming!

[Buzzing]

Quick, everyone! Flap your arms!

[All screaming]

Gotcha!

All: yay!

-[Buzzing] -boooo!

They're attacking again!

There's just one chance,

But it may involve some hotdogging.

Do it! You can do it! Just do it!

They're heading off. We b*at 'em!

-Yay! -Hooray!

Otis, you saved us.

Ah, shucks, I owe it all to ole' deathtrap.

The old gal really held together.

[Engine sputters]

[All screaming]

Nice going, young fella.

By the way, there's a demon

Lives at the following address:

North kumquat drive, elmhurst, new jersey, zip code .

[Lively country music]

♪ ♪

And that's how we factor rate times time equals distance.

Any questions?

Yes. If a cow on a motorcycle

Flies through the air for seconds

At miles per hour, how far will he get?

Ooh, good question, macy.

What made you think of that?

-Zoom! -Crash!

-Squawk! -Hey, kids, what's up?

[Laughs] I guess I missed the landing ramp.

Oh, well, no harm done.

[Strained] ahhh.

You guys hear some weird gurgling noise?

Live! Live, you magnificent feathered beast!

Live!

Otis, what were you thinking trying to jump over the barn?

I'm sorry. I was just honing my extreme daredevil technique.

More like extreme "dumb devil."

He-hey, that's good.

See, she replaced "dare" with "dumb."

In grammar, that's the switcheroo.

-Like dumbbell, "smart bell." -Oooh!

I just can't help but feel indirectly responsible for this tragedy.

Can you ever forgive me?

Otis, if only you'd used the equation "rate times time equals--equals--"

[Moans weakly]

It's okay, brainiac.

Just rest your tired brain.

Hey, let me fluff your pillow to make you more comfortable.

cr*ck! Ahh!

Okay, not fluffing. Not fluffing.

[Whispering loudly] I think his pride is more hurt than anything.

So, otis, now that you broke the chicken, who's gonna teach the kids?

That is an intriguing question.

On the one hand, kids need to learn. Children are our future.

Well, anyway, good luck with that. So long.

Huh? What, me?

The kids need someone smart and reliable,

And since we don't have anyone like that, you're stuck.

I'll check my schedule, but I'm not sure I can--

: A.m.'S open.

So if otis takes over as teacher,

Someone will have to replace him as head of the barnyard.

-Am I right? -All: no!

-What? -No!

I accept your sacred trust.

Look, can you all go?

I need to prepare the patient's marinade.

I mean, honey mustard sauce.

Oh! Just get out!

[Bell rings]

Kids, I'd like to introduce your new substitute teacher,

Mr. Otis.

Hey, thanks, principal bossy.

Ho-ho, I mean, bessy.

Hah-hah, dang!

Kidding, you bucket of seriousness.

Hey, I'm just keeping it real, am I right, kids?

-Huh? -I'm watching you.

I am watching you right back.

Why don't you take off?

For those of you who don't know me, my name is mr. Otis.

That's "o" to the "t"

To another letter,

And let's get back to that later.

Uh, hey, let's get this shindig started, am I right?

So what were you kids learning before mr. Peck was flattened?

-Shakespeare's sonnets. -Ancient egypt.

Elemental physics.

What? You got to be kidding me?

Well, no wonder you guys are so... [Makes funny sound]

Don't you guys ever have any fun?

Mr. Peck says we need to prepare for the real world.

No, guys. I'll show you how to prepare for the real world.

Ow!

The school of otis is now insesion.

Let's number uno:

Dissing authority and sticking it to the man.

Now, let's see. I'm gonna need a guest speaker.

Ah! Oh! Wah!

Everyone, please welcome,

From just outside that window,

Our special guest, pig.

Well, thank you, otis.

Children, for the next minutes, I'll be telling you

All about the exciting world of the barnyard pig.

Oh! What the...

Hey, what are you guys waiting for?

Grab a straw and live. Come on.

But, otis, we'll get in trouble.

From who? Not me, and I'm the teacher.

As I was saying,

Being a pig is pretty much the most important--

The most import--

Ow! That's it.

You want a piece of me? Bring it on.

Sir, I am just getting started.

Pfft! Splat!

[Imitating g*nf*re]

Splat! Splat! Splat!

Everything all right in here?

Oh, yeah, sure.

-The kids are great. -Yeah, a good time.

Watchin'.

Come on, get him! I'll keep him occupied.

[Inhales deeply] [chokes]

[Blowing] plop!

-Whoosh! -Oh!

I'm hit.

Thud! Medic!

As you all know, otis is otherwise engaged,

Which means I'm the interim barnyard leader.

Duke, no one made you temporary leader.

I shall begin my term in office...

[All groan]

With a series of trust-building exercises.

For the first exercise,

I will climb blindfolded to the top of this fence

And fall backwards into the arms of you,

My loyal subjects.

-Bye. -Ahh.

[Drumroll]

Whoosh! Ouf!

I will now trust you to call an ambulance.

Now, who can tell me the most important part of an animal education?

A balance of science and liberal arts?

Relentless standardized testing?

♪ Homework ♪

♪ Homework ♪

[Imitating buzzer] no, I'm sorry.

The correct answer was pranking.

Pranking. No points that round.

Now, here's what we're gonna do.

[Doorbell rings] [knock on door]

Well, who could that be?

Rave-on calling.

Rave-on?

[High-pitched voice] good afternoon, ma'am.

We are door-to-door cosmetic sales ladies,

Here to offer you...

All: a free makeover!

Oh, well, as you can see from

My fresh, natural appearance,

I'm not much of a makeup user.

You're telling me.

Oh, quiet, mr. Lump!

Still, even the big movie stars need a little pinch of color now and then.

I couldn't agree more.

-Come on in, everyone. -Oh, well.

This is a delightfully average environment you have here.

First, my associates and I will need to assess your skin type.

Ooh, fuzzy.

♪ Oily, oily ♪

[Normal voice] better give her the works. I mean...

[High-pitched voice] better her give her the works, ladies.

[Dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Uh, oh, okay.

Ah, ah, it stings.

-Stunning. -Cool.

-Awesome. -Oh, let me see.

I want to see.

Ahhh!

Ha-ha-ha!

The school of otis rules!

-You rock, otis! Way to go! -Yeah.

Guys?

Where is everybody?

You know, you really should check in with your leader before you take personal time.

Hey, fellas, how long do we have to hide from duke in the silo?

Until peck is all better

And otis can be leader again.

Well, that could take forever.

What do we do in the meantime?

Ooh, hey, let's pretend we're japanese movie monsters

Defending the earth against an alien invasion.

All: okay.

[Roars]

[Ufos whirring]

[Footsteps thudding]

[Roars]

Crash!

[Roars]

Crunch!

Zap!

Boom!

Well, that k*lled a few seconds.

Hey, great job on that makeover prank.

You kids are awesome!

All right, you scholars enjoy recess while I go check on peck.

-Otis is awesome. -I know.

-Who knew school could be so fun? -I didn't.

I wish there was some way to show him how much he's taught us.

You meanbesides packing the rim of the silo with dynamite

And blowing it skyward?

Nah, you're right. That'll do.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

Hey, peck, how ya cock-a-doodle-doing, huh?

-What? -Nothing. Barbecue sauce?

I wanted liniment oil.

Uh, stupid pharmacy.

I'll be right back.

So, otis, how are the kids doing?

Oh, peck, they are the most precious little brainiacs

And so well-behaved.

Kaboom!

Whish! Whoosh!

Otis, look what we did!

Isn't it fantastic? It operates on the principle of jet propulsion.

Kids, don't you know that exploding a silo in the sky--

While hilarious--is one of the most dangerous pranks you could possibly do?

I'm sorry. I'm just so proud of you right now.

[Phone rings]

Hell-otis.

Oh, hey, pip.

Aw, I'm looking at it right now.

Isn't it the best?

Yeah, well, it's not so great from inside the silo!

[All screaming]

Oh, no!

Aw, kids, what did you do?

What? I'm sorry, otis. We're really sorry.

It's okay, kids. It's okay.

You didn't know anyone was inside

Or that the silo's inevitable crash to the ground

Would cause massive internal injuries to those you love, unless...

Maybe I can soften the landing

By getting it to hit the pond.

Kids, get my daredevil suit!

[Dramatic music]

♪ ♪

What was I thinking? It's never gonna work!

What are the odds I'm even gonna hit the silo?

You can do it, mr. Otis!

Yeah, just use "rate times time equals distance."

Macy, otis doesn't do book learnin'.

Yeah, stop boring him.

Oh, my large head.

No, he's right. He's boring me into lifesaving.

If there was ever a time for that kind of brainy-brain word

Jabber clogging my ears, it's now!

Well, if a silo full of barn animals

Flies at miles per hour for . Minutes--

-Snore! Get to it faster. -Okay, okay.

How fast would a cow on a scooter have to fly to intercept it?

Ah, good. Miles per hour,

. Minutes...

[All screaming]

Silo full of animals, cow on a scooter,

-Carry the four... -[All screaming]

Account for wind velocity, factor in the factors, subdivide...

[All screaming] add % gratuity.

Eh, the service wasn't that great.

-Add % gratuity... -[All screaming]

-Make bed, do laundry, buy milk... -Come on, come on, come on.

Okay, okay! Six hundred and thousand,

Three hundred and eleventy squiggle!

Blink! What?

Yeah! How 'bout it?

[Laughs] okay, sure. Good enough, teach.

-I got it right? -No, the correct answer is .

But at least you tried.

Yes, good for me!

Go! Let's like this candle!

[Engine revving]

Waa-hoo!

[All screaming]

Thud! [All screaming]

Splash!

So that's where you were hiding, huh?

As your new leader, I am deeply disappointed.

Deeply, deeply,

-Deeply, deeply... -[High-pitched whistling]

Crash!

I resign effective immediately.

-You're a hero, otis! -You did it!

Uh, that was amazing.

No, kids, you see, the real hero here is our educational system,

A system which turns out young, agile minds capable of saving lives.

-Really? -You think?

No! My scooter was the real hero! Did you see that jump?

That was awesome!

That was a mechanical marvel!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ear, ear, ear! Very serious!

Whoosh!

Which brings us to king amenhotep,

The best-dressed of egypt's pharaohs.

Amenhotep ruled in the th dynasty,

-And he was known far and wide... -That's right, brainiac,

Keep talking.

[Inhales deeply]

[Chokes] [gulps]

[Exhales]

Pay attention, albert "einstupid."

You don't graduate until you can write your name.

-[Giggles] -"o."

"T."

Come on, otis! You know this!