04x03 - Ed Good, Rocko Bad/Tee'd Off

[bunniefuu]

(Buzzing )

(Rattling )

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

(Whistling and buzzing )

(Splat! )

(Screaming )

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.

That was a hoot!

Announcer: they chase fast cars.

They bite mailmen just to hear them squeal.

They don't go where they're supposed to.

They are stray dogs!

Living life outside the leash law.

No one's going to tell them where to sit and stay.

Stray dogs!

Coming to a theater near you.

No one will be seated during the neutering sequence.

(Barking )

(Panting )

Hey, look, guys.

It's bighead's salmon bushes.

Let's dig 'em up.

Hey! Get away from there!

I'm calling the pound.

(With british accent ): I love being a stray dog.

(Squeaking yap )

(Yapping )

Well, well, well, well, well...

What have we here?

(Yapping )

Is that so?

And what's this?

(Mocking ): a collar!

He must be some sort of a sissy.

(Siren wailing )

Cheese it! It's the cops.

Dagnab stray dogs.

Always chasing fast cars.

Biting mailmen just to hear them squeal.

Spunky?

Oh, spunky!

Spunky?

Spunk?

Oh, no!

Spunky's collar and tag.

Without this he could get picked up by the dog catcher

And taken to the...

(Gasps )

(Tires squealing )

(Snoring )

(Ringing )

What?!

I'm here to bail out my dog, spunky.

Spunky?

Spunky.

What's he here for?

Uh, being a dog?

That's what they all say.

"It's notmy fault I'm a dog.

Society made me that way."

Uh... Is there someone else I can speak to?

Hey, wait a minute.

Where'syour collar and tags?

I'm not a dog, I'm a wallaby.

A wallaby?

Yeah, it's like a kangaroo

Uh, except smaller.

You just made that up.

Actually, no, it's a...

And don't come out

Till you have a collar and tags!

I am not a dog!

Oh, right, you're a wildebeest or something.

(Cackling )

(Barking )

Spunky!

It sure is good to see you.

But it looks like we're in a bit of a pickle.

These conditions are appalling.

You're telling us.

Yeah, they never clean this place.

And they're enforcing a "no sniffing" rule.

Worst of all

They force us to watch reruns

Ofmervin, the happy cat.

Oh, no, it's starting again!

♪ He's got paws and ears

♪ And whiskers and a lot of fur ♪

♪ And you'll never hear him crying... ♪

No more, please!

I can't take it, I can't take it!

Shut it off, for the love of lassie!

Somebody neuter me!

Snap out of it, man.

Don't let them break you.

♪ ...the happy cat.

It's against nature!

Meow.

(Flies buzzing )

Well, that's just downright cruel.

Haven't you complained?

Nobody listens to us.

We're not bad dogs, we're just misunderstood.

Well, I'm not a dog.

Maybe I can help.

I'm going to write a letter to the city

About this place.

You can work a pencil?

But you're stuck in here with us.

Just till my friend finds out and bails me out.

Hello? Rocko?

Hmm. Rocko's not here.

Oh, well.

I'll watch some tv till he comes back.

Any minute heff is going to realize we're missing

And come get us.

Rocko sure has been gone a long time.

Maybe I should eat his food, before it spoils.

Well, spunky, maybe we should find our own way out of here.

(Yapping )

What is it, spunky?

Oh, look!

(Loud belch )

Heffer?

Oh.

Hi, rock.

Gee, rocko.

That sounds horrible.

I'm going to write a nasty letter to the city

About that dog catcher.

Well, that won't do any good.

He just retired today.

Retired?

(Passes gas )

Rocko, it's in the paper.

He retired and they're holding elections for a new one.

Elections, huh?

Whoever's the new dog catcher could reform the system.

That's it!

I'm going to run

For the office of dog catcher!

Hello, rocko.

Hello, mrs. Bighead.

I'm running for dog catcher in the next election.

Can I count on your vote?

Dog catcher?!

You?!

And what is wrong with thecurrent system?

It's freethinkers like you that make this city

Such a festering boil on the rump of this country!

(Slams )

I shouldn't count on your votes, then?

Ed!

Do you know

What it would be like around here

If rocko were in charge, hmm?

He'd repeal the leash law.

Dogs would be running free in the streets!

Holding scratch-and-sniff parties on front lawns...

Canine chaos on a monumental scale!

(Howling )

(Bellows ): I won't have it!

I'm going to run against rocko.

Ed, why are you bothering with this?

You cannot win

I mean, you have absolutely no charisma

And almost everyone hates you.

Hmm.

I do have a bit of an image problem.

Chameleon: you've come to the politically correct place.

With our powerful image-enhancing techniques...

You will soon be mr. Popular guy!

Are you sure you can help me?

I just have to b*at that dog-loving wallaby!

Easy as one, two, pie.

But first

We have to run a few tests.

(Machines beeping )

(Scribbling )

(Squeaking )

So, mr. Biggie head

After studying the numbers

And nibbling various bites of datas...

We have pinpointed the one things

That you need

To create a winning-type image.

Well, what is it?

Both: shoulders!

Ooh, wow!

Thisis impressive!

(Laughs )

Not only do we make you look extra terrific...

We will smear your opponent

With unfair rumors.

Wait till you see the commercial!

Announcer: the fall of the roman empire...

The sinking of the titanic...

The edsel...

(Honking )

(Clanking )

Now, we're not saying

That rocko caused all these horrible things

But it does make you think...

Doesn't it?

So when you're voting for dog catcher, remember:

Ed good, rocko bad.

Ooh, he's scaring me!

Put that away!

Rocko! You should be ashamed of yourself!

I didn't cause those things.

I wasn't even alive in !

(Crowd cheering )

Thank you, thank you.

(Chanting ): ed good, rocko bad.

Ed good, rocko bad.

Hello, my name is rocko, and I'm running for...

Rocko?!

Bad!

(Slams )

(Enthusiastic cheering )

Vote for rocko!

He's a darn nice fella.

Ouch!

Sorry.

Vote for rocko.

He's a darn nice fella.

Yow!

Sorry.

Vote for rocko.

He's a darn nice fella.

(Clang )

(Gulps )

(Laughs nervously )

Vote for rocko.

Ouch!

Heff? What the...?

Don't ask!

Ed good...

Crowd: rocko bad!

Rocko for dog catcher.

Oh, rocko for dog catcher.

Rocko for dog catcher.

Oh!

Rocko for dog catcher.

Rocko for dog catcher?

Rocko for dog catcher.

Crowd chanting: ed good, rocko bad.

Ed good, rocko bad.

Ed good, rocko bad.

Well, I've knocked on every door in town.

Nothing left to do but wait for the results.

I just turned on election day coverage.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Ferb mcmiggins here

Live at election headquarters for ed bighead

Who seems a shoo-in victor

Over that bad guy he's running against.

Don't worry, guys.

The american public isn't swayed by flashy ad campaigns.

They only care about the issues.

And here are the final results in the race for dog catcher.

Quiet, everyone.

Here it is.

With % of the precincts reporting in

We have ed bighead

With... , Votes

And rocko--

That's the bad one--

With... Two.

Well, there it is.

Bighead wins by a landslide.

Two votes?

Well,i voted for myself.

And I voted for you.

And I'm sure heffer...

Oh, heff.

It was a good ad campaign!

And he's got such big shoulders!

That's okay, heff.

He almost had me convinced I was bad.

I just feel awful for the poor doggies.

Oh, don't worry about them.

Even though you lost

The voters passed

The humane doggie treatment bill.

What does that do?

The state is going to provide the stray dogs

With psychological counseling, obedience training

And a first-class amusement park.

What's more, the position of dog catcher

Has been reduced to nothing more than a glorified pooper-scooper!

(Barking )

I hate my life.

(Bellows ): waiter!

Yes, sir, mr. No way.

Would you please bring me ed bighead?

Yes, sir.

(Yells )

Ah, bighead, just the man

I was looking for.

Sorry, mr. No way, it won't happen again.

No, no, bighead.

I just want to talk with you.

What do you do for the company, bighead?

Well, um, I check all the caps on all the bottles.

How would you like toput the caps on the bottles?

Oh, I'd like that!

Well, we'd like you to do it.

Tickle my foot a little, bighead.

I'm feeling a little blue.

You play golf, bighead?

Yes, sir.

Mr. Dupette is playing golf

This weekend and needs a partner.

Really?

Now this ain't a picnic, bighead.

We don't let mr. Dupette ever lose.

All you got to do is put the ball in the air--

We'll take care of the rest.

You read me...

Buddy?

I read ya, pal.

Voice over radio: heffer, do you read me?

Heffer.

Come in, heffer.

Calling heffer!

(Growing exasperated ): heffer, come in.

Come in!

(Laughs )

Phone home.

Heffer, phone home.

(Laughing )

(Deep breathing )

(Deep, raspy breathing )

(Raspy voice ): heffer, come in.

Duh, I was just taking a little break.

Heffer...

(Bellows ): come in!

Okay, okay.

Heffer, you're going to back to work, over.

(Engine starting )

(Yells ): I don't get you, heffer.

What do you do all day?

I don't think that guy's working out.

(Beeps )

Bridge.

Status report, mr. Leslie.

Mr. Dupette's arriving

At the first tee, sir.

On screen.

(Helicopter whirring )

(All murmuring )

Well, bighead, you ready to hit the links?

Yes, sir, mr. Dupette.

I'm ready, ready

Can't wait, sir, ready.

Well, we're getting ready

For another exciting game

Of conglom-o golf.

Ho-hum.

(With scottish burr ): I wonder who's going to win.

Mr. Dupette steps up to the hole.

(Crowd cheering )

Good sh*t! Yessiree!

Great sh*t. Sure was.

Okay, bighead, just put her in the air.

Red leader to base, come in.

You guys got the pianos ready?

We read you, no way.

We're ready up here.

Announcer #: okay, here's bighead's first sh*t.

Winds up.

(expl*si*n )

Oh-oh, would you look at that.

Gosh! Looks like

A piano blew up your ball, bighead.

What's the penalty on that, mr. No way?

That's seven strokes, sir.

Oh, too bad, bighead.

(Swat of club ) (snoring )

Well, that's another great sh*t

For dupette.

Here comes bighead.

(Swat )

Not a bad sh*t.

(expl*si*n ) (crowd roaring )

What a surprise: the ball's hit by another piano.

Well, looks like we're off to another great day

Of conglom-o golf.

Come in, heffer.

Heffer, come in!

(Angrily ): where is that guy?

Come on, come on!

Fall! (Swat of ball )

Fore! Come on!

(Glass shatters )

What a lousy sh*t.

Who hit that stinko?

Hey, it looks like mr. Bighead.

(Laughing )

Boy, he stinks.

(Laughing )

(Whistling )

Red leader to base.

You're getting a little sloppy out there.

That one hit the ground.

Base to red leader, uh, cool your jets, boss.

Ain't no way we're going to let bighead win.

Hey!

Those guys are cheating.

Maybe I can help mr. Bighead.

(Yawns )

Announcer #: bighead again.

(expl*si*n )

(Crowd roars )

Hey, bighead

Not bad!

(Snoring )

Not bad?

Well, you got one in, bighead.

Maybe your luck's turning around.

(Crowd still cheering )

Don't mess with me, bighead!

I-i didn't.

Status report, mr. Leslie.

What's going on out there?!

Red leader to base, what's happening to you people?

We are handling the situation, mr. No way.

You call that handling the situation?

Do you know what will happen to you if dupette loses?!

(Choking )

I don't need you to tell me how to do my job.

This is my course

And I will deal with the situation as I see fit.

Do you understand me?

(Continues gagging )

Mr. No way?!

Do you understand me?

What's the matter with you?!

You okay?

(Coughs )

Yeah, I'm fine.

Get it together up there, will ya?

Announcer #: another great sh*t for dupette.

Very nice sh*t, sir.

Very nice.

Okay, bighead

b*at that one.

Don't you dare!

Announcer #: well, here comes bighead.

Let's keep an eye on this guy.

Yeah! He's got my eye.

Check that technique!

The windup...

Fire!

(expl*si*n )

Oops. Oh, well.

Wait a second!

It's in the hole!

(Crowd roars )

The ball is in the hole!

Bighead is ripping up the links!

There's no stopping him!

Let's see, let's see.

Did he do it?

(expl*si*n )

Yes!

It's in the hole again!

There's no stopping that bighead!

(expl*si*n )

He did it again!

Go, bighead!

Dupette: bighead, you're doing so well!

I didn't know

You were such a good golfer!

Okay, bighead, it's your sh*t.

Get going.

Ba-ha-ha...

Oh, bighead, good golfer.

(Laughs )

Here you go, bighead, here's your club.

Go get it, boy!

(Barking )

There you go!

Duh!

(Sputtering )

Ah-ha-ha! Whoa!

(Blows raspberry )

(Screeches )

(Babbling )

(Blows raspberry )

(Rapid a*tillery fire )

(Crowd murmuring )

(Cheering )

All of conglom-o's normal methods

Couldn't stop bighead.

I wonder how they plan to stop him this time.

That's right, phil.

All bighead has to do

Is miss this sh*t and dupette wins.

Let me see... Yes.

Yes

Then maybe...

Okay, okay, first...

No, no

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Wait a minute.

Think, think, think

Think, think, think, think!

Okay!

Okay, listen.

The hole's over there.

You, you hit over there.

That way is bad.

Never hit that way!

Do you see?!

That'sbad!

You want to hit

Over there!

(Splash )

(Yells ): so get it right!

Come on, bighead, hit that thing!

Where is it?

Great sh*t, bighead!

(Splash )

(Crowd moans )

I can't see it.

Well, bighead, you did good.

Red leader to central command.

Let's call it a day.

Congratulations, boys!

Looks like we're in the clear!

Well, I guess that clinches it

For mr. Dupette.

Boy, what a match!

I still can't see anything.

Good job.

Thank you.

Huh?

(Rumbling )

What the heck is that?

He's got the ball!

Ball? I can't see it!

(Buzzes overhead )

There it is!

What the...?

Everything!

Throw everything we've got at him!

I want that steer!

(Clanking )

(Siren warning )

(Beeping )

Why, you stupid little...!

Announcer #: it's in the air!

Wait, wait... Wait!

Pow! It's in the hole!

Bighead did it!

(Yelping triumphantly )

(Screaming )

(Screaming )

Mr. Leslie, get back to your post!

(Alarm blaring )

I need a status report!

Somebody tell me something!

What the...?

(Screams )

(Screams )

(Screaming )

(Screaming )

(Screaming )

(Screaming )

(Screaming )

(expl*si*n )

Mayday! Mayday!

We're going down!

We're going down!

Mayday!

Whoo!

(Crashing )

Well, eddie, great game!

So, tell me, eddie.

What do you do for the company, hmm?

I'm the guy who checks the little bottle caps

On all the bottles.

Hmm.

Well, keep up the good work.

But i, I thought

Wasn't i...

I thought i... Huh?

(Screaming hysterically )

Who keeps writing this stuff?!