02x15 - It's an Udderful Life

[bunniefuu]

[Cup shatters]

- Hello, and welcome to the barnyard christmas special.

I'm afraid otis and his friends couldn't make it tonight,

So I'll be beguiling you

With stories, games, and wonders beyond imagination.

So let's kick things off with a joyous holiday root canal.

Here we go. This feels good.

- Stop! - Huh?

- This is not the real opening sequence.

You, sir, are a fraud.

Roll him up, guys.

- All right, buddy.

[All talking]

- Whoa!

All: it's the barnyard christmas special!

[Whirring]

- Pig!

- What? I have a cavity.

[Upbeat hoedown music]

[Whistles]

- ♪ From the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing

♪ Boogie oogie through the night ♪

♪

♪ Do si do your partner now ♪

♪

♪ Gonna party down till the morning light ♪

♪

♪ Do si do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll ♪

♪

♪ Do si do your partner now

♪ Gonna party down till the morning light ♪

♪

♪ Do si do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll ♪

- Ha ha!

[Light instrumental music]

♪

- ♪ We wish you a merry christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry christmas ♪

- That's it.

A little to the left.

Now to the right.

No, my right.

Now jiggle it and let it know who's boss.

Ah, let's take a break.

- I can't wait for them to light the tree, otis.

That thing is huge!

- Yes, abby, all this holiday hoopla

Reminds you of what's really important this time of year.

- Friends and family? - Peace on earth?

- Goodwill towards badgers?

- Scented car deodorizers?

- Butter. Is it butter?

- Ha ha, your guessing makes me tired.

No, I'll tell you what's important:

Shopping for tonight's awesome christmas party!

All right, people.

We need everything on this shopping list stat.

- Otis, that shopping list is huge!

- I don't get it, otis.

Why you making such a fuss over this year's christmas party?

- I told you; I invited special surprise guests.

You guys are going to be astoundified.

- Wow, that word is huge!

- Yes. Stop saying that.

Now, let's fan out and--

Hey, where's pig?

- He's in line to see santa.

- Ho, ho, hoodilly goodilly!

Merry christmas, you adorable little urchin.

- Hey, you're not santa.

You're that newscaster guy.

- That's right, kid.

I'm helping santa out this year.

Here, have some peppermint toast

From the good people at hooberman's bakery.

It's chrismalicious!

- Ooh, santa, santa!

I want a unicorn with a pink mane

And a rainbow tail and--

- Hey, wait your turn, junior.

Santa's only got one lap.

- This is bad.

We need pig's shopping skills.

We're already down a man, since freddy got ferret fever.

- Well, doc, how are the test results?

- Well, the bad news is, you got a temperature of .

- Oh. What's the good news?

- Now I can do this.

- Okay, change of plan.

Abby, you're with me on ornaments.

Pip, eggnog.

Peck, you're on noodle kugel.

- Roger that. - -.

- Kugel, right.

- Barnyard shopping force, deploy!

- Ooh!

[Bells jingling]

- Down you go, little boy or girl or whatever.

Okay, who's next?

- Oh, me! I'm next.

I'm next. I'm--

- Out of my way, stupid next kid.

- Ohhhhhhh!

Crash!

Help!

- Anyway, I was thinking

The red bunting goes better with the--

- Otis, that was pig. We gotta help him.

- Oh, fine!

- Ho, ho, ho!

Merry ch--

- Shut your holiday hole, beardy.

- Say, you're a hefty little guy, ain't you?

- Now, listen good.

Every year, I ask you and your sorry giant behind

For the same thing: a red rider b.b. Taser

With double-pump battery action for extra painfulness.

But you never bring it to me!

- Why, I think I'm losing feeling in my legs.

- If I don't get a b.b. Taser this year,

You'll be very, very sorry.

- I'm already sorry.

Sheesh, is it easter yet?

- Pig, pig!

- Oh! - Are you okay?

- Snotty boy bumped me out of line,

And I didn't get toast,

And now I'll never get a unicorn!

[Sobbing]

- Otis, we have all the stuff for your party.

Let's just get out of here.

- No way.

This insult calls for christmas vengeance.

- That's the most heartwarming vengeance of all.

- Just take your toast and go.

- Say it. Say we have a deal.

- Hey, what the-- let go!

- Merry christmas, hate-sack.

- [Spluttering]

Let go of me!

Hey, get me down.

You're going to be sorry.

- All right, let's get this here tree lighting going.

Would you do the honors, bigfoot?

- What are you do--

[Electricity crackling]

Crowd: ooh!

- Happy holidays. - Merry christmas.

- I love you guys.

- Now let's leave.

- Later that night, the animals had a christmas party.

Don't take my word for it.

Look. With your eyes. Now!

[People talking and music playing]

- Hey, abby, look, mistletoe.

You know what that means.

- I sure do.

- You taste just like a peach.

- [Screams]

Thud!

- Mmm, eggnog!

- How you feeling, freddy?

- Terrible.

I'm so sick, I can't even taste peck.

- You're right, freddy.

Those tonsils are definitely swollen.

- Get back in there.

- Hey, bessy, I got you a present.

- Oh, a mousetrap.

- What? No, it's not--

- Hey, ebenezer lard-butt,

Where are these surprise guests you told us about?

- Cool your jets, ghost of christmas ugly.

They'll be here.

[Bells jingling]

Yee! That's them now.

Come on, everybody.

- I hear bells. What do you think it is?

What's going on? What's that ringing?

- I think I see them up there.

- Up there?

Who's your guest, santa and his reindeer?

[Laughter]

- Ho, ho, ho!

All: huh?

- Merry christmas!

- It issanta.

- Otis, you never told us you knew santa claus.

- I don't, but I went to high school

With donner and blitzen.

I contacted them on snoutbook

And convinced them to stop by tonight.

- Otis, my main bovine.

- [With german accent] otis, fantastischto see you.

- Donner! Blitz, baby!

What's up?

- Just spreading a little christmas love.

- Ja,spreading the christmas love.

Fantastisch!

- Guys, these are my friends.

[All saying greetings]

- Otis, you sure it's all right

For us to talk in front of santa?

- Ah, don't worry.

Big red knows animals can talk.

- Ja,he's always making talking with the animals.

- [Clears throat]

- Uh-oh, be cool.

- Guys, let's keep this short.

This county is our last stop,

And there's no time to dilly-dally.

- What's going on?

Santa? Reindeer?

- Sorry, yo. Got to split.

- Ja,back to the working,

With the toys and the flying and such.

- Hey, santa, chill out.

We're throwing an awesome party.

We got music, dancing.

You got to come in.

- Yeah, not gonna happen.

Come on, lads.

- Yo, otis, offer him cinnamon.

- Oh, ja,santa is silly for the cinnamon.

- It's okay, santa.

We'll just drink

All this delicious cinnamon eggnog ourselves,

Having a cinnamony good time.

Nice meeting you, though.

Cinnamon.

- Did they tell you to mention cinnamon?

- Yes.

- Well, it worked!

Let me at that bad boy.

[All cheering]

So the elf says, "that's no pixie.

That's my wife."

[Laughter]

- Santa, you are hi-larious.

- Hey, santa, do you know the easter bunny?

- Know him?

That carrot jockey owes me bucks.

[Laughter]

Jumping gingerbread, look at the time!

Otis, how about one more cup of nog for the road?

- You got it, big red.

- Tell us another story, santa.

- Yeah, let us a story. - Yeah, come on, santa.

- Tell us a huge one.

- Another story?

What is this, santa's book club?

Hey, next time I'll tell you

About when me and rudolph went on spring break.

No hiding from the cops with that nose.

[Laughter]

[Ominous music]

- Here's your nog, santa.

- Thanks, pal-y.

Elves like to ice skate, but I'd rather scuba.

When this gig is over, I'm off to aruba.

[Laughter]

[Glugging]

Ah!

Well, merry christmas!

- Okay, santa. You be good, now.

- Excuse me.

Did anyone see my special cup?

- What special cup?

- The one I was using

So no one else would get my ferret fever germs.

Oh, there it is.

[Dramatic music]

- Oh. - Whoopsie.

- What did you do, doofus?

You gave santa a contaminated ferret cup?

- Oh, don't worry.

Old santa is as healthy as they come.

- ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way

- Hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi hoi, hoi!

Take this! Take that!

- Suddenly, I don't feel--

Fall down!

[All gasp]

[Light ragtime music]

- Hello, I'm pig with another christmastime tip

Brought to you by hooberman's bakery.

Hooberman's, it bakes in your mouth.

Well, it's the holiday season again,

So get ready to be invited to some festive holiday parties.

Here are some tips on how to be the perfect party guest.

Step one: arrive early.

[Knocking]

- Pig, it's : a.m.

The party's not for hours.

- No problem.

I'll just wait in your closet.

Got any cocktail wienies?

Now your host is wide awake and won't miss his own party.

Step two: always bring your host a gift.

- Hey, pig, glad you could make it.

- This is for you.

- Isn't this my mailbox?

- You're welcome.

You know he likes it because he already bought it.

Step three: try to be funny.

- Is there a problem, officer?

- The party's out of control.

You're under arrest. - What?

But, officer, we're just having a nice little party.

- Ha ha, just kidding!

It's me, pig.

So how we doing on those cocktail wienies?

Now you're the life of the party.

He'll be talking about you for days.

Well, that concludes this christmastime tip

From hooberman's bakery.

Hooberman's: the flavor is optional.

Now back to the action.

- Ach, du lieber!

You broke santa!

- Now he can't finish delivering the presents,

And we still got this county to go.

- Okay, okay. Calm down.

We can work this out.

Maybe santa can make it up to the county

With some nice presidents' day gifts.

- Don't you know anything about christmas?

- Ja,if santa is not finishing his rounds by midnight,

The law of christmas magic will be kerfuftenzeiger.

That means "broken."

- And if the law of christmas magic is kerfuftenzeiger...

- Broken.

- Santa gonna lose his holiday powers permanently.

- And zat means no more christmas forever.

- What? You mean i--

All: you k*lled christmas!

- Nice going, sugar plum moron.

- Welcome back to the story,

Where things are looking rather glum.

Thanks to otis, santa has come down with ferret fever,

And now christmas might be cancelled forever.

Luckily, I've got just the thing to lift our spirits:

An old-fashioned holiday foot buffing!

♪ Christmas is coming

♪ My foot is getting buffed

♪ File down the bunions, and-- ♪

[Door bangs open]

- He's doing it again.

- Get him!

[Animals yelling]

- Whoa!

Thud!

[Sawing noise]

- Pig!

- Sorry.

- Meanwhile, back at the story...

- Oh! Ooh.

- Otis, you incapacitated santa.

What's up with that?

- This is so not fantastisch.

- No, no, no, no, it'll be fantastisch.

Look, I think he's coming around.

- Ooh.

Thanks, everyone.

Santa just had a little scare there,

But everything's going to be--

Fall down again!

- He sounds better already.

- It's no use, otis.

Ferret fever lasts exactly six hours.

- Six hours, that means

Santa won't finish delivering presents by midnight.

- And then christmas will be kerfuftenzeiger.

- That means "broken."

- I better call the north pole

And tell them christmas is off for good.

- Wait. My friends and I can deliver the presents.

All: yeah!

- Wait. - You sure about this?

- We can?

- Impossiblish!

The sleigh only flies for mr. Santa.

- And only santa can magically produce presents from his sack.

- Then we'll make presents,

And we can use the tractor to deliver them.

We can do this, people.

- That's just crazy enough to work.

Bye, now.

- Oh, otis, can I be in charge of toy making?

We'll wear elf costumes and fake pointy ears

And sing a happy tune while we work!

- Really? - Is that really necessary?

- I don't know.

- We're doing it!

All: ♪ it's time to make some presents ♪

♪ 'Cause santa's down with the flu ♪

♪ We have to work together like a happy holiday crew ♪

♪ We've got a list of kids

♪ Who were nice, not naughty, this year ♪

♪ We've got to make them happy ♪

♪ Fill them with holiday cheer

- ♪ Your tools. Get your paint. ♪

♪ No time to waste

- ♪ Stop eating the paste - aw!

- ♪ We've got to make toys for everyone ♪

- ♪ Here's a train that I made from cheddar cheese ♪

♪ Don't fire me, please

- ♪ I'm making a bat. How 'bout that? ♪

♪ You can hit a home run with these ♪

- ♪ We've got cool robots walking ♪

♪ And cute ducks squawking

♪ Nice work

- We're only this holiday mess 'cause you are a jerk.

All: ♪ let's get those presents packed ♪

♪ In santa's sack in the sleigh ♪

♪ Because we're sick of singing and need to get on our way ♪

- One more ti--

- Bravo! Fantastisch!

Ueber fantastisch!

- Yeah, that's all broadway and whatnot,

But how are you going to deliver all these by midnight?

- I ducked out during the third verse

And christmasized the tractor.

Check out this sweet yuletide ride.

All: ooh!

- Ach, du lieber!

Ze tractor looks--oh, what is the word I'm looking for?

All: fantastisch?

- It's like you're inside my brain head.

- Dang, otis, you might just pull this thing off after all.

- You can bet on it.

Come on, elves.

We've got toys to deliver.

- Yeah, come on, everybody!

Let's do it!

[Whirring down]

- You better boogie, baby.

Christmas magic is starting to fade.

You got to put a present

Under every christmas tree in the county by midnight,

Or it's game over.

- Relax. My plan is perfect.

Nothing can possibly go wrong.

- Ho, ho, ho!

Ho-- [winding down]

- Ha ha!

That stupid old santa claus

Better bring me what I want this year,

Or he'll get a stocking full of pain

And a gift certificate for suffering.

Ta! I'm witty.

- Sleigh gears engaged.

- Diesel batteries to power, baby.

- Turbines to speed.

- Soothing massage available on request.

- That's disturbing.

Let our epic journey begin.

Christmas, away!

[Animals cheering]

[Brakes screeching]

- Huh? - The farmer's house?

- Of course; he's been very good this year.

Come on. Let's make this quick.

We're doing great, people.

Now, let's quietly--

- What's going on?

[Gasps]

- Oh, christmas milk.

- Eee!

It's santa! It's santa!

It's santa...

- Yes, I am.

Wow, you're not wrong. Okay.

Well, very excited.

Clang!

- [Snoring]

- Freddy! - Well, we are on a schedule.

- True.

Sleep well, short, socially awkward man-child.

To the next house!

- Then otis and friends flew off like a sh*t.

They delivered the presents. They delivered the lot.

They left one for the mayor and one for the cop.

They left presents for bigfoot and bigfoot's old pop.

He gave nora jimtiggers.

Hilly got a bumfuzzle.

And others got whoozits and wom-tommity-tuzzles.

Oh, this story is delightful.

I say, as long as you're here,

Does this mole look infected?

I'm rather alarmed.

Ooh, it itches terribly.

And the oozing, oh, my.

- Okay, you know the drill. - Get in the rug.

- What? I'm just saying.

Maybe there's an ointment or a poultice for it.

[All talking]

- Whoa!

- And now back to the show.

- Hey, that's my line!

Do I go down to where you work and do whatever it is you do?

- I-- - back to the show!

- Here we are, the last house of the night.

- Otis, this is snotty boy's house.

- Arming laser rockets.

- Fire at will!

- No, guys, we have to deliver presents

To everyone in the county.

- Or christmas is fahrvergnuegen.

- No, no, no, it's kerflecten-noodle.

- No, it's schnitzel-gruber.

- I think it's glockenspiel.

- Those words are huge.

- It's kerfuftenzeiger.

All: oh!

- Ja,learning is fun.

- So gift me up. What's he getting?

- Let's see.

It says snotty boy's been very naughty this year,

So he gets owl poop.

- Owl poop? We didn't bring any--

- Here you go.

What? I know a guy.

- Otis, hurry.

You've only got two minutes to deliver snotty's present.

- No problem.

Pip and I will handle this.

- This is hilly burford with breaking holiday news.

Christmas lights all over the world

Appear to be fading for no apparent reason.

Could this be the end of christmas as we know it?

This update has been brought to you

By the good people of hooberman's bakery.

Hooberman's: you gotta eat somethin'.

- It's okay.

I think the coast is--whoa!

- Why?

[Ominous music]

♪

- So, fat man, we meet again.

Ho, ho, ho!

I usually say, "ha," but I changed it to "ho"

'Cause it's christmas and I'm clever!

- Oh, now, my good lad, let santa down

So I can give you your present.

- Stuff a fruitcake in it, old man.

I'm in charge here.

- I warn you, my posse of ninja elves is right outside.

They'll be on you any second now.

- Got any threes?

- Go fish.

- Who feels like thai food?

- Any--uh, any second now.

[Whirring down]

- Otis, the christmas lights are fading fast.

- This bag better have a red rider b.b. Taser in it,

Or you will be sorry.

Owl poop.

Same as last year.

[Tauntingly] I'll be back.

- Otis, we got to put that present under the tree,

Or christmas is glockenspiel.

- Kerfuftenzeiger.

- Seconds.

Try to gnaw us out. - Right.

- Lucky you.

You have a date with the whacking stick.

[High-pitched yell]

- Whoa!

- Seconds.

- Huh?

- Hey, wait--

- Hiyah! - Hiyah!

- Hey, look, mistletoe. - So?

[Screams]

Beard kiss! Get it off me!

[People cheering]

- Otis, you did it!

You saved christmas.

- Ha...ha...ha.

[Yells]

- [Screams]

Together: santa!

- Ho, ho, ho!

I'm back, baby.

- Two stupid santas for the price of one.

You're both dead meat.

Hey, where am i?

What are you looking at, stupid bear?

- [Growls]

- "Oh, look at me.

"I'm a stupid polar bear.

"I'm so scary.

Watch me roar-roar."

Roar-roar! Roar-roar!

- [Roars fiercely]

- [Screams]

- And so in honor of your saving christmas,

I hereby appoint you all honorary reindeer.

- Hey, look at this. - Check us out.

- Cool. - Lay it on me, santa.

- Uh...

- Well, I'm out of here.

Donner, blitzen, let's do this thing.

- Good trip back! - Bye, santa.

- We love you!

- Bye-bye. - Stay cool, y'all.

- Fantastischto meet you.

- Hey, santa, let's do this again next year.

- Uh, well, it's possible.

Let me check my sched-- reindeer away!

[Hooves squealing]

- Bye-bye! - Bye, santa!

- Bye!

- Well, it looks like everything worked out quite nicely.

[Glass shatters and bird chatters]

Now, what do you say we close things out

With a joyous holiday armpit carol?

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

[Armpit squelching]

- There he is!

- All right. All right.

I'll get in the rug.

- Actually, we were going to ask you to stay.

- Really?

- Yeah, you're kind of growing on us.

- Yeah. Plus, you're all out of rugs.

- Oh, bless us!

Bless us, every one.

- Come on, everybody.

Armpit carol!

All: ♪ deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

[Armpits squelching]

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪

♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

- [Santa laughing]

[Bells jingling]

Merry christmas!



[Kids laughing]