02x07 - Snotty & Snottier/Paging Dr. Filly

[bunniefuu]

I'm just heading to the fields, duke.

I'll be back.

[Engine revs]

Clear.

[Lively hoedown music]

All right!

*

Rat-a-bamba!

* From the haystacks up to the hilltops *

* We go on dancing *

* To help us do the milking through the night *

Ow, ow! Okay, ow.

Ow!

* Do si do your partner now *

* *

* Gonna party till the morning light *

* *

* Do si do and don't you know *

* It's just the way we animals roll *

[Motor roaring]

Ha ha!

[All screaming]

You can run, but you can't hide

From the awesome power of my earwax blaster.

[Laughs]

[Wet splattering]

Whee!

Ha ha!

[Screaming]

[Laughs]

No!

Say your prayers, milky boy.

Eugene!

I'm busy.

Come home.

I have a wonderful surprise for you.

A surprise?

I like surprises.

You're lucky, cow.

Eugene!

I heard you the first time.

[All groaning]

All right, is everyone okay?

Sorry.

I can't hear you.

I have wax in my ears, and it's not mine!

I hate that kid.

He's inhuman.

He's not of this earth.

He's a monster. What?

I don't like the sound of this big surprise.

I don't like the sound of vacuums.

You're not bright.

Let's follow him.

These are some stupid animals.

Get my surprise.

[Shouts]

Oh, there's my smooth-skinned little man cub.

So whatever.

Where's my stupid surprise?

Hello, cousin.

[Screaming]

It's been a long time.

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Oh, I knew you'd be thrilled.

Bernard stopped by on his way to expl*sives camp.

Yeah, family means everything to me.

Auntie nora, would you go get us one of your delicious

Big boy snacks?

Good idea, bernard.

You two must have a lot of catching up to do.

Well, well.

Look, bernard,

You may have b*at me up when I was little,

But I don't know if you've noticed.

I'm not that little anymore.

I totally understand where you're coming from.

[Screaming]

[Cuckoo cawing]

That's why all I want is for you to say

That you're a dirty pilgrim.

I'm not gonna say that.

Really?

Got your nose!

[Screaming]

[Laughs]

Here, you can have it back now.

Now will you admit that you're a dirty pilgrim?

No, I will not admit it.

Say it!

Say you're a dirty pilgrim!

I'm a dirty pilgrim!

I'm a dirty pilgrim.

Eugene!

Just look at the mess you've made.

I tried to tell him, auntie nora.

He's just such a dirty pilgrim.

Ow.

[Ostrich caws]

That kid was just sadistic, brutal,

And completely mean to snotty boy.

I know.

I think I love him.

Aw, me too. He's awesome.

My hero. What?

Too bad that cousin kid can't stick around till snotty leaves.

Maybe he can.

[Phone rings]

I'll get that.

I am so gonna tell auntie on you.

[Crashing]

Or not.

Hello?

Yes, this is counselor gint mcsplodey

From expl*sives camp.

Oh, hello, counselor.

I'm sorry to tell you that the camp's gone out of business,

So bernard's gonna have to make other plans this month.

[Imitates expl*si*n]

Whoop, that was a big 'splosion in cabin nine.

Got to go!

Okay, bye.

The man from your camp says it's gone out of business.

What?

My eyes!

That's not fair to me.

Oh, you poor thing.

I know.

How would you like to stay here

And play with your cousin all summer?

Well, that sounds delightful.

I'll go unpack.

Auntie nora, bernard can't stay here.

He likes a firm mattress, and yours are all extra firm.

Oh, you just don't want to share your auntie nora.

No, you don't.

Well, don't worry.

You'll always be my favorite.

Now, where did I put those guest towels?

Come on, cousin.

Time to play.

[Screaming]

[Bright whistling]

[All cheering]

Baby!

[Frantic panting]

[Grunts]

You can run,

But not well.

This is great.

This is the best idea I ever had.

Wait a minute.

I sense joy and innocence waiting to be crushed.

Uh, guys, we might want

To get inside and hide our entrails.

Let's go.

[All screaming]

[Door slams]

[Bright whistling]

We'll be safe as long as he doesn't have any explo--

[expl*si*n]

Let's party.

[Crashing, screaming]

Bye, silly billy barn animals.

See you all summer.

Is he gone?

He's gone.

I'm not even sure how he did this.

That is one sick kid.

I think he had a good time.

Yes, I think he really felt at home.

Has anyone seen pip?

I think you have a sinus infection.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

But we were better off when snotty boy was our enemy.

Otis, what are we going to do?

That psycho kid's gonna be here all summer.

Guys, do you remember

What mrs. Beady said to snotty boy this morning?

All: uh, no.

Oh, yeah. No.

Do you have a thought bubble to remind us?

I do, actually.

You'll always be my favorite, favorite, favorite...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, guys.

I have a plan.

[Panicked muttering]

Huh? Who is it?

Is it you, bernard?

We're not going to hurt you.

Who are you?

I am walks with udders, your animal spirit guide.

And these are my fellow spirit guide friends,

Officer pig.

Top of the morning.

Two construction workers.

Hey, how you doing?

Forget about it.

A sailor of some type.

Ahoy there.

And this tiny lounge singer.

* I'm just crazy about chestnuts *

* 'Cause chestnuts got that zing *

[Hissing]

What's that sound? What sound?

[Machinery clanking, hissing]

How come every time I hear that sound

There's, like, a blast of smoke that sh**t out of your dress?

This isn't a dress.

It looks like a dress to me.

I assure you it's not a--

Do you have, like, a fogger under there?

You have a fogger.

What? There it is again.

No, i-- see.

This is just

Sound, mist.

Sound, mist.

Sound, mist.

Yes, never mind that.

We have heard your cries against your enemy

And have come to lend you our spirit power.

You don't look very powerful to me.

[Grunts]

If you wish to defeat your enemy,

Then follow us to the place of reckoning.

Place of what?

Just follow us.

Welcome to the place of reckoning.

This looks like a stupid barn.

Are you gonna help me defeat bernard or what?

Fellow spirits,

Anoint him with the tchotchkies of power.

The snow globe of strength.

The rotten stick of agility.

The ketchup packet of dexterity.

And the garlic crouton.

What's this do?

Nothing, but it's excellent in salads.

Really perks up a bowl of soup.

[Mumbling]

With these tools, you shall conquer bernard.

Muscles growing,

Courage issuing forth from every pore.

I am conquering boy.

[Cat yowling and hissing]

[Cat meowing]

[Phone ringing]

What?

Oh, sorry.

I must have the wrong number.

You're clearly a troll.

Eugene?

Oh, hi, bernard.

Gosh, you really sound like a stupid troll on the phone,

A troll with a wire around his head.

[Train whistle]

[Angered grunting]

I hear your vein throbbing, gear head.

Tell me where your face is so I can destroy it.

Meet me in the place of reckoning.

It's a large red building yards down the road.

You mean that barn?

Place of reckoning!

Now, to summon more power,

Oh, oh, yeah.

Otis, are you sure about this?

Bernard's gonna turn him into a snotty burger.

I'll be back with mrs. Beady before it gets serious.

When she sees bernard b*ating on her precious snotty boy,

She'll pack him off forever, and it's bye-bye, psycho.

I figure I got at least five minutes

Before he gets here.

[Doors slam]

Uh, he's here.

Milk me.

[Engine whining]

Time to stop your existence.

What you probably don't know is,

My stupid spirit guides

Gave me this snow globe of strength,

This rotten stick of agility,

And this ketchup packet of dexterity.

What's the crouton for?

It's very nice with salads.

Say good-bye to your body.

Ow, ow!

How's that, huh?

Oh, stop it!

Does it bend this way?

Oh, no.

He'll destroy him long before otis gets back.

Yeah, it's too bad.

Who wants nachos?

My crouton!

[Knocking at door]

I am a talking cow.

You!

Here, you can chase me on the scooter.

Whoo-hoo, follow me!

Come on, can't catch me.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Ah, I call this move the snot knot.

[Laughs]

No, no!

Ow!

[Crashing, otis screaming]

Smile, cow.

Auntie nora, save me.

Huh?

Bernard!

Yoink.

Take your hands off my little yum-yum man.

Auntie, it's not what you think.

I found him like this.

Tell her, eugene.

Tell her I found you like--

[Crashing]

I'm sending you back to your mother and father,

And you're never coming here again, ever!

I'll be back, eugene.

And I'm gonna eat your silly billy skull!

I did it.

I defeated bernard.

And you know who I have to thank?

No, no need to thank us.

Me, because I rock-a la casbah.

And you're the worst spirit guides ever.

And I'm gonna kick your stupid spirit guide butts.

Splat!

Where's your mystical fogger now, huh?

[Rooster crows]

Oh.

Who wants pancakes?

Whoo-hoo! Lay 'em on me.

[Crashing]

I'm so sick of you.

I'm ignoring you.

I can't hear you. Yes, you can.

You do everything wrong.

I hate you! Quit it!

Guys, guys, give it a rest.

You've been arguing for forever.

Well, no, just for two weeks.

Two and a half weeks.

Two weeks.

Two and a half.

I smite you! I smite you first!

Whoa, hey, guys, come on.

This is a pancake brunch,

Not a punch-out at fighty town.

Now, sit.

Here you go.

I picked all that hay off.

Pip, could you please tell the weasel

To pass the syrup?

Dude, leave me out of this.

Pip, you tell that mistake of nature

He can have the syrup after he passes me the salt.

Oh, well, in that case, no.

Tell him only idiots eat pancakes with salt.

Here's your stupid syrup.

Here's your stupid salt, stupid.

Ahh!

Oh, yeah?

Pip, deploy the zone of silence.

The what of who?

You know, that fish t*nk we found at the dump.

Oh, right.

[Shouting continues]

[Shouting silenced]

Okay, let's eat.

I'm not hungry anymore.

Me either.

Me either.

First they ruin broccoli wednesdays.

Now they make a mockery

Of pancake every other thursdays.

I know.

They never used to fight.

We got to get them to be friends again.

You know, I'm reading this new book called

What's the prawblum here

By that famous horse psychologist dr. Filly.

Really? I'm reading heidi.

Anyway, dr. Filly says that when your friends are feuding,

You should stage a friendship intervention.

Friendship intervention?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Together: * hmm

Why are we here again?

We're gonna have a friendship intervention

For freddy and peck.

Hmm, that's what I thought.

See you.

Guys, here comes peck.

Hi, guys.

I'm here's for the "I hate freddy"

Discussion group.

Okay, come on in.

Hey, everyone.

I'm here for the "peck is a moron"

Infomercial seminar.

What in the--

What's he doing here?

Sorry, guys.

Your fighting's driving everyone crazy.

Is not. Is too.

Is not. Is too.

Exactly.

So we brought you here to meet someone special.

May I present dr. Filly.

Hi, how's everybody doing?

Hey, it's the guy from the book.

Otis, dr. Filly's a huge celebrity.

How did you get him to come to our barnyard?

One word: apples.

[Smacking lips]

Man, I'm as happy to be here

As a pollywog at a polka festival.

Now let's get down to business.

My psychology smarts are telling me

That these boys here are involved

In a damaging emotional conflict.

Wow. Amazing.

Oh, he's very good.

How did he know?

All right, listen up.

[Air horn blares]

[Air horn blares]

Now I want you to look each other in the eye

And tell me what's the problem here?

Um, I hate him.

Yeah, I hate him too.

Come on, now.

[Both sobbing]

He's right.

Wow, color me impressed.

The man can intervene.

Doc, that was amazing; you're a lifesaver.

Hey, come on.

I got the rest of your apples outside.

I'll help you load up your--

Now, hold on.

We're not done here.

We're not?

Folks, a one-eyed doodlebug could see

That this barnyard is rife with emotional tension.

What? That's crazy.

Yeah, we're like family.

Bingo.

Families are like a beekeeper with his hair on fire.

You can't tell him what for.

And iffen you do, he'll ask you for change.

What?

Okay, for example, this little feller right here

Uses pancakes to smother the sad clown inside his heart.

[Sobbing] it's true.

Oh, it's true.

Oh, finders keepers.

And this little feller lives in the shadow

Of a best friend with whom he can never hope to compete.

Is that true, pip?

I'm not just a sidekick.

I'm a person.

Oh, sweet cheese, it hurts.

And you two are mired in the pasty quicksand

Of your ongoing romantic tension.

I don't secretly love you.

Me either!

[Both laugh awkwardly]

Together: help, us, dr. Filly.

Yeah, save us from ourselves.

I'm not well.

Now, don't get your doodly-fongs

In a corn fritter.

We're gonna prime that sump pump and see how many pollywogs

Can fit in a bean hat.

What?

I'm gonna stay here and help you.

All: oh.

That's right.

Now you got it.

Now, I always say,

You can't know a person until you walked around in his shoes

And felt the searing pain of his bunions.

Question.

What if these shoes belong to a circus clown?

It was only a figure of speech, son.

Oh, then I won't need these.

Now, I've paired you off so you can switch roles

And show each other what you really think.

Abby, otis, why don't you start us off?

Uh, okay.

I'm otis.

I'm a good leader, and I love to laugh.

Uh, I'm abby.

I'm a girl.

I'm pig.

I like unicorns and fudge.

I'm pip.

I'm good with a sarcastic quip, dude.

I'm the sheep.

I'm soft and wooly.

No, no, no.

Hold on.

You can't get to the bottom of the meat pie

Without getting some gravy on your bib.

Huh? Come again?

I don't get it. I'm not following,

But I like gravy.

People, you're holding back.

Show me what you really think.

Really?

Are you sure?

Don't worry, abs.

I can take it.

Well, okay.

Hi, everybody.

I'm otis.

Look at me.

No, no, keep looking.

Look at me all the time.

I need you to look at me right now.

I need attention -,

And I like dressing in lady clothes.

Interesting.

[Imitating southern accent]

Well, I'm abby.

I have freakish upper body strength,

And I keep talking long after everybody stopped listening.

Here I go.

Blabbity, blabbity, blabbity, rassle.

Now you're getting it.

Keep it going now.

I'm pig.

I kick it in filth and eat everything.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'm pip,

And I'm always jumping on someone

Because I'm too lazy to walk.

Oof!

I'm the sheep, and I'm better than everyone.

Baah!

We're duke.

Lick, chew; lick, chew.

We have the brain of a walnut.

I drink toilet water.

Oh, my tail is fascinating.

[All arguing]

Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.

[Smacking lips]

[Screaming]

Prankity prank, prank.

Prankity prank.

Blabbity, blabbity, blah, rassley, rassley.

[Screaming]

Oink, oink, oink.

Oink, oink, burp, burp, burp.

Disgusting burp.

Wisecrack, wisecrack.

Dude, dude, dude.

Together: shearing time.

[Screaming]

Keep it up.

I'm sensing an emotional breakthrough, people.

Look at me.

I'm otis the rock star.

I'm abby.

I lift weights to make otis feel weak and puny.

[Grunting]

[Splashing]

[Gasps]

My dumbbells.

And I say "y'all" all the time,

'Cause saying "you all" takes too much time.

Book pain!

What the--

Otis, I never say, "what the".

I'd say, "hey, now," or "heaven's to betsey,"

Or, "what?"

Something's rotten in horsey town.

Otis, come back here.

We're working on our emotions.

Okay, breakfast, lunch, mid-day snack, pre-brunch nosh.

Uh, dr. Filly?

Huh?

Can I ask you a quick question?

Fire away.

Would you say that fighting with your friends

Is as wrong as a three-legged calf

With an oyster for a face?

Heck, no.

Scrapping's good for the soul.

It fleshes out all the hobbity goblins.

It's all good.

That's all I needed to know.

I'll leave you to your apples.

Let's see.

Lunch, dinner, linner, lupper, bibbity boop.

Now that I know what otis really thinks of me,

I'm out of here.

And if I never see pip again, it'll be too soon.

Ditto, porky.

Adios, fur balls.

Yeah, take off.

Bye-bye.

Wait for us.

Yeah, wait for us.

I thought dr. Filly cured you two losers.

Yes, but we're born followers.

Yes, born followers.

I like what I'm seeing, folks.

Just don't touch my apples on the way out.

Stop right there.

This horse is a fraud.

[All gasp]

Otis, how can you say that?

If it weren't for dr. Filly,

We'd never realize how much we despise each other.

He's not dr. Filly.

This is dr. Filly.

Hello, people.

[All gasp]

Hold on a minute.

If that's dr. Filly-- complete my sentence, pig.

Then who's that?

Eee-haw.

[All gasp]

This is a disturbed former patient of mine

Who likes to impersonate me.

Chip, we talked about this.

I'm so ashamed.

Otis, how did you know? Easy.

I read him a quote from his book,

And he didn't even recognize it.

Folks, this experience has probably hurt you all deeply

And opened gaping emotional wounds.

Well, yeah.

Pretty much.

It sure has.

I thought so.

Well, bye.

Come on, chip.

[Bashful braying]

Wow, I can't believe we almost split up for good

'Cause of some nut-job donkey.

Let's never fight again.

Group hug.

Get in here.

[All chattering]

I'm just glad everything's back to normal around here.

Yeah.

Well, almost everything.

Turns out walking's really overrated.