04x17 - Episode 17

[bunniefuu]

["Pomp and Circumstance" playing]

*

- [clears throat]

And congratulations

to the entire graduating class of...

'.

Now--oh, there is one more-- one more item of business.

[clears throat]

As many of you may be aware,

Pops, the faculty janitor

who has been servicing the school for years,

is retiring.

So I don't know if you're here, Pops,

but we have a gift for you.

Has anyone seen Pops? Is Pops here?

Pops!

[applause]

Oh, Pops, uh...

here you go.

Gosh, how will we keep those floors clean without you?

- They're going to hire someone else.

- Yes. Well, yes, they are.

- Thank you very much for the bottle.

Have a good summer. Good-bye.

- Well, let's dance.

[laid-back rock music]

*

- I'll have a white wine, please.

And, Kyle, would you like anything?

And another double rum and Coke.

Kyle, I thought it would be best

if we met in a public place tonight

because I didn't want what we're about to discuss

to get out of hand.

- Sure.

- Now, before we start, Kyle,

is there anything you would like to tell me?

- No.

- No confessions, for example?

- No.

Name, rank, and serial number, buddy.

Just name, rank, and serial number.

- Fine; Kyle, I want to ask you a question.

- sh**t.

- Do you have a wife?

- No.

- Fine, I'll ask another way.

Kyle, are you married?

- No.

- You're not married?

- No. - Really?

I find that interesting, because I have reason to believe

that you have a wife living here in town.

Is this true?

- No.

- So you don't have a wife living at Buhlpap Drive?

- No.

- Well, Kyle, I was wondering

why you were out of town every other week,

so I hired a detective.

And do you know what he found?

- Elvis?

That's it, buddy.

Change the subject.

She'll be thinking about rock and roll for days.

- No, that you have a wife living at Buhlpap Drive.

Is this true?

- No.

- Okay, Kyle, what about these photos?

Aren't these photos of you kissing another woman,

kissing another woman at Buhlpap Drive?

- No.

- So that's not you?

- Another guy.

- All right, Kyle, what would you say

if I were to tell you that I've had the occasion

to meet your children?

-That's it, buddy.

Cool as a cucumber.

She doesn't have a thing on you.

- [clapping]

- Hi, Daddy!

- Hi.

- Kyle, are these your children?

- No.

- Kids, is this your daddy?

- Yes. - And where do you live?

- Buhlpap Drive.

- Well, Kyle, what do you have to say for yourself?

-Okay, buddy, she's got you.

It's time to switch to plan B.

Will you marry me, baby?

I'll need a couple days to get the ring.

Listen, sorry I missed your birthday.

[laid-back rock music]

*

[g*nf*re]

- [shrieks]

[gasping]

Oy, my nerves.

Is very dangerous to make movie in former Yugoslavia.

I am make movie here with my lover, costar,

and former pimp, Bruno Puntz Jones.

We make movie in Yugoslavia because...

is more cheaper to film in w*r zone, huh?

[expl*si*n]

[screams]

Oy! Oy!

But maybe is not so cheaper for Bruno, huh?

Because...

maybe Bruno was k*lled.

What happen is,

policeman ask Bruno for autograph.

Bruno say no can have.

Policeman say, "I want."

Bruno say, "Go be screwed, Copper."

Policeman say pow, pow, pow,

pow, pow, pow, pow,

pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!

Oy!

Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow,

pow, pow, pow, pow!

Pow, pow, pow!

Pow, pow!

Pow, pow.

Oy.

Pow!

Is hard to watch it, huh?

But...

maybe Bruno is not dead.

Maybe he is just tortured.

That's okay.

You can recover.

I did.

What don't k*ll you make you better.

Maybe when Bruno return, he will be a more deeper Bruno.

Ah, Bruno.

Figlio di putta.

Innamorato, I'm so lonely without you!

I want drink,

and you have key to minibar.

Oy. Oy.

What is more worse is,

there is only one channel on TV,

and it never show "Cheers."

No wonder there is w*r.

Whenever Bruno and I are travel

and we are in hotel,

we always watch "Cheers" because...

"Cheers" is our family.

All over the world, people watch "Cheers"

because everybody need family, huh?

You turn on TV,

and there is Woody

with the charming Woody head,

Carla with the big mouth,

Norm with all his beer,

and Cliff with his secret.

I think Rebecca is better for Sam, huh,

because she have brown hair.

Diane is skinny no-tit blonde bitch.

I no like.

["Cheers" theme song playing]

[sighs]

*

[expl*si*n]

* Making your way in the world today *

* Take everything you've got

[expl*si*n]

* Taking a break from all your worry *

* Sure would help a lot

[expl*si*n and g*nf*re]

* Wouldn't you like to get away *

*

[expl*si*n]

* Sometimes you want to go

* Where everybody knows your name *

*

men: * And they're always glad you came *

*

all: * You want to be where you can see *

* Troubles are all the same

* You want to be where everybody knows your name *

*

- * You want to go where people know *

* People are all the same

- * You want to go where everybody know your name *

- Bruno?

- What?

- Sam. - Rebecca.

- Ah, Bruno! You're back!

What happen here?

- Ay, why can't we all get along?

- Ay, give me key to minibar.

- Huh?

- Come on. Quick, quick!

Come on, there is a w*r on!

- Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

- Come.

- What is wrong with you?

[siren wailing]

- Listen.

Do you think, uh, an officer of the law

can get worms

from, uh, arresting a guy?

- Hmm.

Well, let's find out.

Dispatch, .

-Go ahead, .

- Yeah, I got a question for you here.

Can an officer, uh, get worms

from arresting a guy?

-[scoffs] No, of course not.

What lame idiot thought of that?

- Uh, just a civilian standing by the car here.

- Can we go do some police work?

- Well, if you're itching to go...

[groovy rock music]

*

- Hank, wake up. - Hmm?

- Wake up, Hank.

- What's up?

- You were asleep.

- Asleep?

For how long?

- Brace yourself, Hank.

You've been sleeping for...

minutes.

- minutes?

It doesn't seem possible.

My God, Steve,

could what you're saying really be true?

Tell me,

has much changed while I've been sleeping?

- Come see for yourself, Hank.

- Steve, what are all those strange machines down there?

- Those are cars, Hank.

- Cars?

But they're nothing like the cars of minutes ago.

- They can now reach speeds of over kilometers per hour.

- Dear God, Steve.

At speeds like that, a man's head will explode and--

What's a kilometer?

- A kilometer, Hank, is a unit of measurement...

- My God, Hank,

I thought you were dead.

I've come in to clear your office.

- Marion, I guess in a way, I was dead.

But I've come back to life.

I've come back to you, Marion.

My God, that isn't...

- Yes, it's your new son, Derrick.

- I've missed watching my boy grow up.

- Hon, come on.

We're gonna be late getting to the...

cottage.

- Who the hell is this?

- Oh, Hank, you have to understand,

I thought you were dead.

I hadn't heard from you for so long.

The loneliness was intolerable.

And then I met Jason,

and felt I could begin to live again.

- That's okay, Marion.

I can't blame you.

I hope that you and Jason will be very happy together.

And, Marion,

perhaps it would be better for little Derrick

if he didn't know anything about me.

- You're a big man, Hank.

- You just take care of them, you hear me?

- I will.

- Hello, Marion.

- Good-bye, Mr. Ridley.

- Well, well, well, if it isn't Lazarus himself.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Ridley.

- Hank, my boy, you know how fond I am of you,

but it's a different world than the world you left behind

minutes ago.

The partners have asked me to dismiss you from the firm.

- But, sir, I'm sure if I just--

- It's out of my hands! I'm sorry!

[yells]

- Well, I've lost my wife.

I've lost my job.

I've lost minutes of my life!

Damn the decaf.

- What are you gonna do now, Hank?

- What can I do?

I'm just going to have to start over.

- Come on, I'll grease you up for the elonkulator.

- Elonkulator?

- You have a lot to learn, Hank.

Come on to the grease pit.

- Now, the grease is important?

- It is for me, Hank.

[laid-back rock music]

*

[siren wailing]

- Hey, partner. How you doing?

- Not too good.

I went out last night,

and I'm really hungover.

- No kidding?

I went out last night,

and I'm really hungover too.

- Whoa.

Small world.

- Yeah.

So, uh, you want to go out tonight?

- What?

We look like crap, and we're hungover.

Why would we go out again?

- It's Saturday night.

- Yeah, sure. Sure.

- Sure. ?

- No, we should drink more.

- [laughs]

[both laughing]

- Okay, heads up, g*ng.

I'd like to introduce you all to Louise Clement.

She will be replacing Phil,

so she'll basically be doing

whatever the hell it was that Phil did.

And, uh, Phil, you're fired.

- Well, it's a real pleasure to meet you all.

[gong crashes]

- Let the flirting begin.

Contestants must make an impression

in words or less.

- I have a bottle of Bourgogne

that I'd like to share

with someone very, very, very special.

- Oh, well, I--

- Louise, why is it I can never get

a pair of pants that fits me?

- Louise, don't you just hate men?

Don't you just hate men?

- No, I don't, actually, but I wondered

if you could just all leave me be.

[gong crashes]

- Contestants must now act aloof.

- Is there anything I can do for anyone?

- Oh, Louise. Are you still here?

- No, we're fine.

But thanks for caring. Thanks for caring.

[whistle blows]

- Tactile foul number two.

both: Yes!

Class A contestants will now complain

about their ex-girlfriends.

Class B contestants will discuss

how their current girlfriends don't understand them.

[men all talking at once]

Release the rabbit!

[gong crashes]

The games are endeth!

- Look, are you with the management?

Because this is institutionalized harassment.

- I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

The gong has ruined my hearing.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

[loudly] That's so sad.

- It's the music I miss the most,

that and the laughter of children.

- He's so sweet.

- Am I? - Yes, you--

Hey, how did you hear that?

- Oops.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. [gong crashing]

[rock music]

*

[upbeat piano music]

*

- Yeah.

*

[rattling]

[squelching]

I got to lose some weight.

I just got to.

Well, I--

I suppose if I was just to take one little bite a day,

that wouldn't be so--

*

[horn honking]

[panting]

[groans]

-And now Boston by a goal

in the late stages of this hockey game.

The Leafs, five games winning streak.

Gilmour trying to keep it alive.

Goes in, setting up for Andreychuk.

It's slapped into him.

Andreychuk at the side of the Boston net.

- Go, Dougie!

Go, Dougie!

Go, Dougie! Go, Dougie.

[man speaking indistinctly on TV]

[crowd cheering on TV]

Oh!

[man speaking indistinctly on TV]

[echoing bang]

[echoing bang]

[echoing bang]

[footsteps thumping]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[engine revving]

[upbeat piano music]

*

- [growling]

- It's mine!

- [whimpering]

[footsteps pattering rapidly]

- I'm okay.

I just need to get a little more exercise, that's all.

Yeah.

It's not what you eat, after all.

It's what you do.

Just do a few push-ups.

Eat some chocolate.

Jog a little.

Eat some more chocolate.

I could join a health club.

Eat all the chocolate I want.

Where the hell am I?

*

[laid-back rock music]

*