05x17 - Episode 17

[bunniefuu]

- Come in!

Hello, and welcome to my office--

my office in a submarine--

office in a submarine.

- Yes, yes.

- 'Cause that's what we're all about here

at Creative Possibilities.

Office, submarine.

Jujubes?

- Pardon me? - Would you like some Jujubes?

- Uh, sure, sure.

- Teapot.

Jujubes.

Jujubes in a teapot.

A teapot for tea, but with Jujubes in it.

Office, submarine.

You see, here at Creative Possibilities,

we like to look at the world in a fresh and exciting way.

The imagination is a dying animal.

But here at Creative Possibilities,

we like to feed that animal,

and give that animal room to roam.

Office, submarine.

- May I have a seat, please?

- Yes, of course, but here at Creative Possibilities,

you don't have to sit on a chair.

You could sit on...

some paper!

- I'll take a chair, thanks.

- I was just throwing that out off the top of my head.

And while I think of it,

can you guess what I'm wearing for underwear?

- No, no, I can't.

- The body of a guitar!

The body of a guitar in the place of underwear.

Office, submarine!

Creative Possibilities!

Did I mention the imagination is a dying animal?

- Yes, you did, yes.

- Good, just wanted to make sure I mentioned that.

Now, how can I help you?

- Well, Mr. Valane, I'm from the bank.

And you have not made any payments on your submarine.

- I sent you my payments.

- No, Mr. Valane, what you sent us was a lot of empty pop cans.

- Pop cans, money. Office, submarine!

- No, no, no, no, no, Mr. Valane.

Pop cans, pop cans.

Money, money.

- Did I mention the imagination is a dying animal?

- You have no money, do you, Mr. Valane?

- Money?

Money is everywhere!

Money is not my problem.

You are the enemy of imagination.

People like you, for instance, think that poems have to rhyme,

or that songs have to have a catchy melody,

that a comedy sketch has to have an ending!

[laid-back rock music]

*

- So you're not going out tonight?

- No, I'm really tired, eh?

I'm just going to stay home, watch TV, smoke a joint.

You know, I was at The Cellar until : last night, did coke,

I'm b*at.

- Okay, let's go out to the gay Latin bar tomorrow night, okay?

- Oh, yeah, I hear it's really hot.

- Mhm. - That's a good idea.

Oh, I gotta go, I got another call coming.

- Okay, bye-bye, Butch.

- Okay, bye.

Hello?

- Hi, Butch, it's me.

- Oh, hi, Smitty.

Whatcha doing? - Nothing.

Are you going out?

- No, I'm really tired.

I'm just going to stay in, watch TV, smoke a joint.

- I'm pretty tired, too.

Renovations. - Yeah.

- Think I'll just stay in.

- Okay, great idea.

- Talk to you later. Night.

- Okay, night.

- -JERK?

Oh, I get it.

-.

That's easy.

- Welcome to -JERK,

the phone sex service where you get to jerk with other jerks.

Press one to record a hot voice message

for other hot guys to peruse as they cruise the system.

- Uh, really hot blond guy,

very versatile, top and bottom,

very, very hot and very, very hung.

Looking for other hot guys into hot phone talk.

- Your message has been accepted.

For live connections, press one.

You are now being connected.

Get ready to meet the hottest guys in cyberspace.

- Hello?

- Hey.

My name is the Raven.

Are you ready to party?

- Yeah, Raven.

You sound really hot.

What do you look like?

- Well,

I'm , blond, blue eyes,

smooth swimmer's build,

inches, cut, of course, one sweet ass,

and really muscular legs.

A lot of people think I'm in movies,

but I'm not.

So what do you look like?

- Well, a lot of people think I'm in the movies, too,

but p*rn, eh?

You sound really hot.

Why don't you come over?

- Sure.

Where do you live?

- Isabella, apartment .

- Oh, I have a friend who lives in --

- Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Raven? Raven?

Wow, what attitude!

- You have another caller.

Press three to access the voice message.

- [speaking French]

Call me if you want a hot time with a really hot

Quebecois stud lover.

- Wow, French!

- Press two to connect live with this caller.

- 'ello? - Hello?

Are you French?

- Yes, my name is Roland. Are you 'ot?

- Yeah, I'm hot, Roland.

So, Roland, what are you into?

- I'm into French kissing-- [speaks French]

- What?

What?

Six eggs?

- Oh, I like your forceful tone.

You are so, how do you say in Anglais?

Butch? - Hey!

That's my name. Butch!

- I know, you see, I am also psychic!

- Wow, far out!

- Yes, I am getting a vision of you lying on a tiger skin rug.

- Wow. That's me.

Wow!

- And I also sense that you have very incredible,

brilliant, very hot friends.

- No.

- Yes, you have very hot,

brilliant friends, and they say that you're a real slut,

and you're really into poppers.

- Hey! What happened to your accent?

Riley? - Yes.

- Oh! Hey!

How did you know it was me?

- Well, I recognized your voice right away, you idiot.

- Oh, wow!

You are too much!

- Oh, oh, Butch. I gotta go.

I got another call. Somebody real.

- Yeah, I got another call too.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Oh, wow.

Hello? - Hey, it's The Raven again.

Sorry about disconnecting before.

Look, I'm under house arrest, and I can't come over,

but there's no reason why we can't talk.

- So, The Raven, what are you into?

- Well, I'm into...

Vincent Price movies

and shiny things.

[upbeat rock music]

*

[bright music]

*

- Now, you two be on your best behavior

and don't give your daddy a hard time.

- Yes, Mom.

- And don't let your father give you too much junk food to eat.

- Yes, mom. - Well hurry!

Come on! It's almost time!

both: Yay, we're going to see Daddy.

- Yes, you're going to see Dad.

both: Yay, we're going to see Daddy.

- [sobbing]

Okay, then, what did your mother do on Tuesday?

- Well, she-- - Everything!

In graphic detail!

I've gotta know!

- Well, she made us breakfast.

- Breakfast?

Eggs? Oh, God!

Oh, God, I miss her eggs.

Go on, go on!

- Well, Uncle Nick came over--

- Uncle Nick?

You don't have an Uncle Nick.

- It's Mommy's new friend.

She told us to call him Uncle Nick.

- Uncle, huh?

Kids, let me show you something.

I want to read you the definition of the word "uncle."

You use uncle

to describe the brother of one of your parents.

You do not use it to describe the new guy

your mother is banging!

I have a new word you can learn.

We can use it to describe your mother very well:

whore!

Total whore!

Repeat after me kids!

My mother is a--my mother is a--

[sobbing]

- Can we go to the zoo now?

- We're supposed to go to the zoo!

- We are going to the zoo, via the house.

Are you sure your Uncle Nick was supposed

to come over this weekend?

- He's supposed to come over every weekend.

- I'm hungry!

You said we were going to eat! - Yeah, yeah.

Quiet down.

- There's Uncle Nick, in the bathrobe, beside Mommy.

- Where, where?

- You kids stay in the car.

Daddy will be back in a second.

- Oh, hello, Frank. Do you know my friend, Nick?

He uh-- - Hi, pleased to meet--

- Frank!

Frank! You're overreacting!

Frank!

- [yelling]

- Get up so I can--you're right. I was crazy!

Well, kids, our weekend together is almost other.

Promise me you'll do well in school.

both: Yes, Daddy

- Have a good week.

Oh, and tell your mother I've also met someone.

- Come on, kids. It's time to go, let's go.

- Hey!

I made your uncle say "uncle!" Didn't I, Nick?

[alternative music]

*

- As we reported during the cooking show today,

six of the seven members of the popular rock band Living Proof

were tragically k*lled last night when their tour bus

crashed in the mountains outside of Lansing, Michigan.

Today, the sole surviving member of the band and their manager

spoke with reporters.

- I just wanna say they were incredible guys.

They were guys I loved to manage and who I managed to love.

This is Deek, the drummer,

who would like to read a prepared statement.

- I think it's really sad what happened yesterday.

Thanks.

- If there's any questions, we'd be happy to answer them,

I mean, sad to answer them.

- I have a question. - Yo.

- It's a very sad loss.

Why weren't you two on the bus?

- Um, okay, well, when a band is really tight, right?

And I mean, we were really, really tight, um--

- I think what Deek is trying to say, if I may,

Deek, that one of the tragedies of this huge loss

is that people will never know how really warm and funny--

- I mean, these guys were really funny.

- Really warm and funny that these guys were.

Case in point, on the night in question,

they left without us on the bus.

- I--I just think that proves how warm and funny they were.

- Truly warm and funny.

- Is there any information yet on the cause of the crash?

- Well, I think the crash

was caused by the bus hitting the wall, wasn't it?

Yeah.

- This may be a little early to ask,

but are there any future plans?

- Well, I guess I'm going to take a couple of days

off and then, you know, I'm going to finish the tour.

- This great band sold out sold out dates,

and it would be terrible to disappoint their fans.

- Right, I mean, if Living Proof

said they were coming to your town this summer,

we're going to make sure we keep our word.

- So we're doing the tour! - We?

- Yes, yes, we.

We've decided that that Deek, from now on,

will use the term "we."

This is to help people imagine

that there's more than Deek and his drums on stage.

- It's sort of "high concept",

but once you hear it a few times, you get it.

- How can you justify touring a drum kit?

- Sorry?

- How can you justify touring a drum kit?

- Um, well, like this.

You know, the spirit of Living Proof is in me, and,

you know, the band was energy.

And I still have that energy.

- But don't you think the fans came to hear Jay's guitar riffs

and John's vocals?

- Yeah, no, sure, sure,

but they're dead.

I mean, they're dead, you know?

Look, I think that once people hear the drumming, you know,

it will set their minds to it,

because I'm doing all the songs from all eight albums, right?

All the B sides, some covers,

and I'm even going to do some stuff

I heard Jay humming on the day of the crash!

- I don't think the rest of the band

would want you to do this.

- Well, we knew them. Not you!

- Yeah!

And, all right, you know,

if I'm not enough, then they can always buy the new album.

- But I heard that the new album was only partially completed.

- What?

- The new album is only partially completed.

- Yes, that's why we're calling it "We're Partial to Our Music".

[all speaking at once]

- All right, I'm sorry, excuse me?

Can I say something?

Can I say something?

Look, you know, I can understand that everyone is upset.

I'm upset that the band is gone and I'd like you to know

that if I could have been on that bus with them,

I would have been there!

Yes, yes!

But, you know, I'm not, and I think you people

are angry at me because I'm still alive, right?

- Hey, hey, let's remember that Deek is really the victim here!

- Yeah!

Show them the T-shirt.

We even went out and made a special T-shirt

that we're going to finish the tour with.

- Vigil Tour?

How did you get those T-shirts so fast?

- No more questions.

That's it, no more questions.

- Thank you very much.

[all speaking at once]

[rock music]

*

- You caught me well.

Dropping out of high school was the right thing to do.

[flies buzzing]

- You were right to drop out.

It is you who are the victor.

[phone ringing]

- [grunts]

[phone ringing]

You're not disturbing me.

I know it's late.

But that's why I get paid the big bucks.

Yeah, I know the place.

No.

Don't worry about it.

You stay in bed with your good lady wife.

Hey.

It's already done.

It's already done.

[opera music]

*

I'm him.

- I would have done something,

but it's at times like this my g*n is useless.

[horse whinnies]

- What time is it?

- It's ten to four.

- No.

The time is now.

[humming]

- [groaning]

You were right to drop out.

- [grunts]

[opera music]

*

[dance music]

*

[laughter]

- Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Come to Mama. Come to Mama.

Mm. Mm.

Hey, weren't you in my science class?

- I went to high school for awhile.

But then I left...

pretty much on my own terms.

And now...

I get paid the big bucks.

- It's party time, boys.

[opera music]

*

- I am why you dropped out of high school.

I am the big bucks.

But look at what you have:

nothing.

[groaning, laughter]

You failed English and dropped out!

[laughter]