03x21 - Episode 21

[bunniefuu]

[rock and roll drum b*at]

♪

[rock music grows louder]

♪

[rock music blaring]

♪

- Hey.

Where are the babes?

- I'm crushing your head.

I'm crushing your head.

I'm crushing your head.

Got you!

You big, drunken, and drooling

sexaholic business guy.

That'll teach you to think with your crotch!

You horrible little man!

[laughs]

- Crazy half-wit.

What the hell you doing?

Girls, girls, girls?

It's not fair.

- Next!

[laid-back rock music]

♪

[upbeat jazz music]

♪

- Hey, hon.

What do you say we jump up and get dressed

and go out and have a glorious breakfast?

Hon?

- I'd love to, honey.

But I seem to be paralyzed

by a deep, dark, brooding depression.

- Oh.

Well, when did this happen?

- I don't know.

Sometime after the...

wedding ceremony, I guess.

- Oh.

Well, I guess maybe our marriage was a mistake, huh?

I guess maybe we should get a divorce, huh?

- Bingo!

That's it.

That's it! Yes!

Let's get a divorce!

That's it, yes, honey.

Come on, let's go eat,

and then let's get a divorce--

No, wait.

Let's a divorce first, then we'll eat!

Boy, all of a sudden I feel great!

Ah, come on, honey!

Let's go!

Let's get a divorce!

[upbeat jazz music]

♪

- I don't know what's wrong.

I guess I'm just a little bit nervous.

- It's okay.

I understand.

- Yeah, maybe we could try again...in the morning.

- Yeah, in the morning.

- Sure. - Good night.

[both smooch]

[door opens, shuts]

- Shh, shh, shh.

[stifled giggling]

[both moaning]

[laughter]

- [snoring]

[both moaning]

- Shh, shh.

[both moaning]

- [sneezes]

[upbeat jazz music]

♪

- No.

I did not know that you had a twin.

So you're telling me that on even days,

I've been sleeping with your brother?

- Yeah.

- And he's been sleeping with my wife.

- I hope you're not mad,

'cause my brother and I have a good thing going here.

[both laughing]

[upbeat jazz music]

♪

[g*n cocks]

[g*nsh*t]

- [groaning]

[g*nshots]

[groaning continues]

[g*nshots]

[groaning]

[g*nsh*t]

[groaning]

[upbeat jazz music]

♪

[laid-back rock music]

♪

- The lakeshore, west of Pine Street, please.

- Sure.

- Did you hear the Blue Jays score?

- Yeah, they lost to .

- Oh, that's too bad.

- Yes, and I know why they lost this game.

- Why?

- Let's just say that where I come from in Europe,

certain people always make problems.

- What?

- Look, I'm not prejudiced,

but I read,

and those guys are always troublemaking.

- Who, the Blue Jays?

- Look, I said I'm not prejudiced.

I just think they should stop

trying to control everybody's lives.

- Who are you talking about?

[tires screech]

- Okay, get out of my cab.

- What?

- I said get out of my cab,

you Serbian bastard.

- I'm not Serbian.

- Ah, that's what you all say.

Get out of here before I b*at your brains into paste.

Go on, get out!

[laid-back rock music]

♪

- [exhales]

- Danny. - Yeah?

- We're-- we're friends, huh?

- Oh, yeah.

- Uh, would you mind if I asked you a question, Dan?

- sh**t.

- Have you ever...

looked at my body?

- Jeez, I don't know.

Nope, nope, definitely not.

- Well, would you mind... looking at my body?

- Sure.

When would be convenient?

Wednesday I'm free.

- How about now?

- Now? - Yeah.

- Okeydoke.

I'll just... turn my head a little.

- Yeah. - To the right.

- Uh-huh. - Tilt it down.

- And there we go.

- And, now, Dan,

have I always had these breasts?

Or would you say--

or would you say that they were something new?

- Jeez, I don't know.

I'm not really...

an expert on the body, per se.

I like to keep fit, but I'm not a fanatic.

- Oh, I understand that.

I'm the same way.

I'm not what you'd call, like, body conscious

or anything.

It's just, you know how when you're putting on weight,

you don't really notice it?

It's just, just one day you wake up,

and your pants don't fit.

- Yeah.

Well, you know, we're all getting older.

- Yeah, yeah, Dan.

But now I got to worry

about getting pendulous, you know?

- Yeah, well, I think you got

a few years left on you, buddy.

Whew, yeah.

- Dan, could you maybe make a little eye contact here?

- Huh? What? Was I staring?

- Yeah, Dan. - Was I staring?

- Yeah, you were staring. - I was staring.

- Yeah, you were staring, Dan.

- Aw, jeez.

I guess the girls at the office are right.

- Yeah, I guess they are, Dan.

- Danny! - What?

- I did it again? - Yeah.

- I did it again? - Yes, you did.

- Old dog, old dog.

- Uh-huh, yeah, yeah.

- God.

Well, how's the little woman taking it?

- Well, you know, Dan, she hasn't mentioned it,

so I'm thinking they're either real new--like today--

or...or she's a lesbian.

- Oh, well, then... they're new,

because that Sonia of yours is no lesbian.

She's as right as rain.

- You know, you sound a little too sure, Dan.

- Do I? - Yeah.

- Do I? I do. - Yeah, Dan.

- Well, that's just because...

- A little too confident there, Dan.

- Well, I'm a little bit of an expert

on these things, you know?

I just-- I got a sixth sense.

Oh, I could spot a ---- in a lineup, I'll tell you.

[steam hissing]

I just got a way about that.

- Okay.

Uh, Danny?

- Yeah?

- Are those your hands, Dan?

- Yeah.

- Want to hear something?

[rapid bongo drumming]

It's a fact:

you can get blood from a stone.

[creaking]

[rock zings, thuds]

[blood spurting]

You just have to throw it hard enough.

It's a fact.

- Okay, let's go.

- Oh, hey, fine and dandy, my friend,

my sweet little friend.

But my question is: where?

- Lakeshore, west of Pine.

- Okay, do you mind if I listen to a bit of music?

- No, not--

[rock music blaring]

[indistinct radio chatter]

- [chuckling]

Hear that, guy?

Hear what he said? What a goof, eh?

You see that?

That guy cut me off!

Mind if I chase him down?

- Well, I--I really--

- Okay, let's put a bee in his bonnet, eh?

Hey, guy!

[g*nshots, shouting]

[shouting indistinctly]

[laughing]

I think I beaned him.

Now his tire's out.

Thanks, Princess.

I don't think he'll be cutting me off anymore.

- Could you stop, please?

- Hey, do you mind if I stop?

I got to drop off a package.

- No, please!

[baby cooing]

- I'll just be a sec.

I'll be right back.

You going uptown?

- No, I'm going downtown.

- Okay, you can split the fare.

Scoot over.

Bring him in, come on.

Let's go, let's go.

Come on, come on, come on, scooter.

Bring him in, come on.

[grunting]

Okay, stand back.

Dah!

Okay, you get in the front, officer.

- Ah!

Ah! Ah!

[indistinct shouting]

- Don't do that again, huh?

Kick his ass.

[rock music]

♪

- Work, work, work.

Yep, a lot of paper.

Work, all right.

[stirring music]

My pen!

My pen!

My pen!

- What, Barton?

What's all the ruckus?

- My pen.

My pen--my pen is missing.

- Yes, and?

- I've lost all--

I've lost my pen,

the one I do all my work with.

- [sighs]

Here, use mine.

- No.

Has anybody here seen my pen?

It was in my pocket before.

No? Okay.

Everything's fine.

[whistling]

I'm all right.

It's Barton.

Listen, did I leave my pen there last night?

Come on, Dale, check!

Just, look--

- I heard you lost your pen.

Maybe you lent it to someone.

[ominous music]

[swirling chimes]

- Can I borrow your pen for a sec?

- Okay.

Just don't run off with it.

[dramatic music]

[metallic scraping]

♪

Ah!

Stop him!

- Barton, hang up the phone.

I think it's just dangling.

- Stop him!

[all groaning]

[swirling chimes]

[wet thuds]

My pen!

Stop him!

He's got my pen!

[suspenseful music]

♪

My pen!

My pen!

My pen!

Hey!

You've got my pen!

- I think he's saying I'm a hot man.

- You've got my pen!

- I think he's saying, "I'm a mother hen."

- My pen!

You've got my pen!

Hey!

You've got my pen!

[tires screech]

You've got...my pen.

- Oh...sorry.

- There, you'll be all right.

It's all over.

There we go.

There we go.

Yeah.

- Uh...excuse me.

Could I borrow your pen for a sec?

- Okay, just don't run off with it.

- Hey, want to hear something?

[rapid bongo drumming]

It's a fact:

the fact girl wants more money.

- No, no, no, Murray!

You're my lawyer.

You tell them.

I don't do another sketch

till I get triple scale.

That's it; I'm done.

Go, go.

- Yeah, so it's-- it's a fact, right?

Which way do I go?

- Back there.

- Running? - Yep.

[rapid bongo drumming]

- Go! Keep going!

[rapid bongo drumming]

No, no, you got to go further!

Keep going!

[bongo drumming continues]

Okay, good.

♪♪

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