04x13 - The Final Judgement of Beavis

[bunniefuu]

THE FINAL JUDGMENT OF BEAVIS

You are under
arrest for violation

of penal code 7538 dash 7.

- He said "penal".
- "Iron Justice" is cool.

I want to do that.

I can't do this
all day, dillweed.

Here I come.

Come.

Beavis, you wuss.

You hardly made
a dent.

Beavis?

Whoa! Is this, like, David Bowie?

No way.

I mean, this guy's a puss!
But it's a different puss.

This dude is andropynous.

You said "penis".

I met a man.

He was a good man.

I met a good man...

Quit pointing that stick at me!

He's just trying to show off.

Who are these guys?

Where's the fat guy?

I don't know.

- This is pretty cool.
- Yeah. They rock! They rock!

If I had my driver's license,

I'd like, run over some light bulbs.

Hey Butt-Head, you know what we
should do, like, in the meantime?

We should go get some light
bulbs and stuff, and stomp on 'em!

That's a good idea, Beavis!

Yeah. Thanks.

Beavis, you wuss.

Get up, dillweed!

Don't make me
kick your ass, Beavis.

I'm kicking your
ass, Beavis.

This is cool.

Look at me, Beavis,
I'm kicking your ass.

Kicking your ass.

This music sucks.

This sucks.

Well, we better bury you, Beavis.
You're already starting to stink.

Whoa. What is this?

Welcome to heaven,
Beavis.

Are you, like, Santa Claus?

I am St. Peter.

So, like, in heaven, will all the
chicks do anything I want?

- No.
- That sucks.

Do I get X-ray vision?
Do I get some nachos?

No.

Are you sure
this is heaven?

This is your
life, Beavis.

This book contains everything you've
ever done throughout your entire life,

no matter how insignificant.

Really?

You mean, like, every time I ever
took a dump, it's in that book?

Yes.

How about that time
I peed in the gym?

- Yes.
- Cool.

Hey, get away
from there.

Beavis is
not dog food.

He's worm food.

And then when you were four,
you mutilated an action figure

in a most disturbing manner.

Oh, yeah. That was cool.

No, that sucked. When you were five,
you and your friend Butt-Head

passed out chocolate laxatives
in your kindergarten class.

- That was really cool.
- No, Beavis...

- That also sucked.
- What do you know, ass-wipe.

I know everything, buttmunch.

- Check it out Butt-Head, it's the Noid.
- Cool!

The Noid is cool.

Avoid the Noid! Avoid the Noid!
I like to say that.

- Wait a minute.
- Avoid the Noid!

That's not the Noid. That's Satan.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Check it out, Beavis.

It's like, this guy's a pretty good singer.

It's like, he can't write
songs but he sure can sing.

This video is cool because it's like, doing
something that they haven't done before.

What do you mean? Like, like,
um… playing one of those uvulas?

Yeah.

It's like, they never played
a uvula under a table before.

Check it out, Butt-Head, turds!

Did you see that? Turds! Turds! Turds!

Where?

You know, if I was Satan, I
would like, get a mountain bike.

Like a really cool, like, skateboard.

Then some chicks.

Yeah, that would be cool.

Oh, look at the turds again. It's turds!

Where?

Right there! He was riding
around some turds, Butt-Head.

- Really?
- They're right there on the ground!

He was, like, riding around some turds.

Satan always likes to
have some turds close by.

Yeah, I mean, you know, he's Satan.

Ok, that's enough. Now get
your ass back in the wall.

Yeah yeah, get in there!

And then on the third day of the
fourth month of your twelfth year,

you touched yourself in an impure manner.

You saw that?

We see
everything.

No way! I had the covers over me.

Worm food.

Come and
get it, worms.

And then, later
that afternoon,

you touched yourself in an impure manner
again using a bottle of hand lotion--

Hey, this is starting to suck.
Do I get into heaven or not?

No.

I guess I should,
like, say something.

I am here today not
to bury Beavis, but to...

Later, dude.

Wake up, buttwipe. We're
gonna miss "Iron Justice".

I had this weird dream.
I met this St. Peter dude.

St. Who?

Peter.

Peter.