05x02 - k*lling Time

[bunniefuu]

[both chuckling]

[instrumental rock music]

♪ ♪

[clock ticking]

[both chuckling]

[crowd roaring]

- And Gargantor's heading into the crowd!

Something tells me he's really mad!

- I'll say he is, Dave!

Now he's just acting like a big kid.

Well, that about wraps it up for World Wrestling Universe.

Stay tuned for Senior Citizen Golf next.

- What did you do that for?

[chuckles]

- Nothing's on for two hours, dude.

- Oh.

- Uh, you know what this means, Beavis.

It means we have to, like, do something.

[chuckling]

[both chuckling]

[Rick Derringer's "Real American"]

- Uh...

[both chuckle]

Uh, what?

- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Smash, yeah!

- Yeah!

- Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Yeah, kick him, kick him! Ooh, yeah!

Yeah, crash, crash! Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah! - Yeah, oh, yeah.

- Yeah, hit him! [chuckles]

- Oh, you pissed him off now! - Kick his ass!

- He's gonna kick your ass!

Yeah, yeah! Hit him!

Slap him in the nads! Ooh, yeah, crash into it.

- Stomp the crap out of him. - Hit him, hit him, hit him!

Yeah, okay. Yeah, hit him in the head!

Yeah, yeah, kick him!

- Yeah, there you go. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - All right, yeah.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ I am a real American ♪

♪ Fight for the rights of every man ♪

♪ I am a real American ♪

- He's a real American.

- Yeah, yeah.

He fights for what is right!

- Yeah. - Fights, fights!

- He's like a good role model

because he just, like,

did whatever it took to get big,

like he took those steroid pills.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, those things, you shove them up your butt

when you have hemorrhoids.

- No, Beavis. Those are depositories.

These are these pills that make you,

like, all big and strong.

But then they, like, make your nads shrink.

- Whoa! [chuckles]

What's the point? - Yeah, really.

It's like, you know, I may be only,

like, above average strength.

But it's like, at least I haven't

messed around with my nads.

- Yeah, really.

- ♪ Fight for your life ♪

♪ I am a real American ♪

- Train. Say your prayers.

And eat your vitamins.

- What? - Be true to yourself--

- Huh? - True to your country.

Be a real American.

- Homework sucks.

[clock ticking]

- Hey, Butt-Head.

How long till something good's on TV?

- Uh, two hours, dude.

[chuckles]

- Hey, Butt-Head.

How long till something good--

- Beavis, shut up or I'll kick your ass.

[chuckles]

- Hey, Butt-Head. [chuckles]

How long--ow!

This sucks. What should we do?

- Uh, maybe we should, like, think of something.

- Yeah, yeah, cool. [chuckles]

Thinking sucks.

[clock ticking]

I know. Let's stand up.

- Yeah.

Good idea.

Uh, that was pretty cool.

Now what?

- Uh, let's stand again.

- Uh, how?

[clock ticking]

[buzzing and ticking]

- Hey, Butt-Head. I think I might throw up.

- Cool.

That might, like, take some time.

- [burps]

[gagging]

[coughs]

I can't do it.

- [gagging]

Me neither.

And there's, like, an hour and a lot of minutes

before something's on TV.

Time sucks.

[clock ticking]

- Now, remember the rules, Beavis.

I throw it at you, then you throw it at me.

- Um, I don't get it. How do you win?

Ah, ow!

- [chuckles]

That was cool.

[clock ticking]

What do we do now?

- Uh, we could do homework.

[both chuckling]

[clock ticking]

[both chuckling] - Homework.

- Hey, guys. What are you doing?

- Hey, Butt-Head.

Stewart can, like, k*ll some time.

- Yeah.

Uh, say something, Stewart.

- Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow, that's cool.

Let's go to the mall. I know this great new place.

- This sucks. - Yeah.

- Hey, we can go to my house.

I have this awesome new video game.

[clock ticking]

[eerie music]

- [guttural groaning]

[ticking continues]

- [sniffs]

- [mutters]

♪ ♪

[mutters]

♪ ♪

[chattering]

[static buzzes]

- No patience for diets? No time for the gym?

Well, then try Multi-Flex,

the only spring-loaded hip reducer

invented by supermodel Suzanne Somers!

[both chuckling]

- Beavis, we are about to see the promised land.

- This is gonna be cool.

[both chuckling]

[The Fabulous Thunderbirds' "Wrap It Up"]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Uh-huh.

- Boobs and butts! Whoa, whoa!

Whoa, look at her. Whoa, look at that.

- Boy.

[chuckles]

If this dude here can get these kind of chicks,

we might actually be able to score someday.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Beavis, we need to start a band today.

- Yeah, really. Whoa, look at her!

- I mean, like, right now.

[chuckles]

While we're sitting here on our butts--

- Boobs!

- Chicks are probably doing it with dudes in bands.

- Yeah, yeah.

I'm tired of, like, sitting around and talking about it.

Let's do it, yeah. - Yeah.

Just as soon as this video is over.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- ♪ Baby ♪

♪ Bring your lovin' straight to me now, baby ♪

- Like, in our band-- - Uh-huh.

- We're gonna, like, sound just like this

and have the chicks and everything.

- Mm-hmm. - But we'll have cooler cars.

- Yeah, yeah.

And then, like, the cars we do have,

it's, like, they'll blow up.

And they'll have, like, skulls and stuff on 'em.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

That'll be cool.

- ♪ Wrap, wrap, wrap ♪

♪ Wrap it up ♪

- Whoa, yeah.

- Ooh, baby.

[both chuckle]

I guess I'd need to take a shower too.

- Um, heh, why?

Are you stinky?

- Now here's an exercise you can do while watching TV.

- Whoa!

- Yeah!

- Whoa! - Yeah!

- Whoa!

- Yeah!

- Whoa!

- Yeah!

Hey, Butt-Head.

What did people do before they invented TV?

- Don't be stupid, Beavis.

There's always been TV.

There's just more channels now. - Oh, yeah.

Progress is cool.

- Yeah.

[both chuckling]

[Sam Harris' "Over the Rainbow"]

- He's smiling at you.

- Shut up, Butt-Head.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Somewhere ♪

- Oh, God.

Look at his face.

- Look at that crack in his chin.

- I think it's a butt crack.

- Well, I guess that would make sense,

since, like, there's just a bunch of diarrhea

coming out of his mouth.

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

It's like when God was passing out butt cracks,

this guy got in line twice.

- Yeah.

Yeah, and then God gave him one too, you know,

the second time.

[both chuckle]

- ♪ Can't ♪ - [spits]

Ahh! No, no, no, stop it!

Stop it! No!

Shut up!

Shut up! Cut it out!

Stop it!

Please, shut up! - [chuckles]

- Change the channel, Butt-Head, right now!

Come on! - No way.

- Come on, no. Cut it out, Butt-Head!

Gimme that! Stop, Butt-Head, stop!

- This is cool. - Stop!

You're making me sick! No!

No!

Shut it right now!

I'll kick your butt crack face in!

- You dumbass. - Ahh!

Blah, heh, blah-ah, blah!

- That sucked, Beavis.

[static buzzes]

[Napalm Death's "Plague Rages"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Scale the inferno ♪

- Uh, something's wrong.

It's like, it doesn't look like this guy

would have that kind of voice.

- Yeah, yeah.

It's like, it doesn't look like that kind of voice

would, like, come out of that guy.

You know what I'm saying?

- Yeah, it looks like it might come out of his butt.

[chuckles]

- Um, heh, actually, um, heh-heh, I was thinking,

like, it looks like this kind of voice,

like, would come out of Godzilla, heh, or maybe,

like, heh, come out of Godzilla's butt.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

[chuckles]

If it did come out of Godzilla's butt,

that would be a good video.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

♪ ♪

- Oh, look, check it out, Butt-Head.

It's a dead horse.

- Yeah.

Remember that time we found that dead horse?

- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Then you, like, ran and jumped right on its stomach.

[chuckles]

And then, like, all that gunk shot out of its butt.

- Yeah.

That was cool.

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah.

[chuckles]

That was sad.

[both chuckling]

Can you imagine if Godzilla was dead?

Can you imagine all the stuff

that would fly out of his butt?

- Yeah.

[both chuckling]

[instrumental rock music]

♪ ♪