05x04 - Choke

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

- Oy!

I've got me finger stuck in me bum.

[chuckling]

Oy, I should never have listened

to that little Dutch boy by the dike.

[laughter]

And now I got me finger stuck in me bum.

[chuckling]

- [coughs, gags]

- Headmistress, I've got me finger stuck in me bum.

- [raspy] Beavis.

Beavis. - Yeah, Butt-Head?

- I'm-- [gasps]

I'm--

[gasps] I'm--

[gasps] - I hate this stupid game.

Ah!

Um, choking.

You're choking?

Um, chicken.

You're choking your chicken?

[chuckling]

Choking your chicken.

[chuckling]

Yeah.

[The Didjits "Judge The Hot Fudge"]

Um, is this Colonel Sanders?

- Uh, no, dumbass.

Colonel Sanders has like a white jacket

and like a bucket of chicken.

- Oh.

Maybe this is his son.

[chuckling]

- This guy fries butt nuggets.

- Um, what's a butt nugget?

♪ ♪

- Here, I'll show you.

♪ ♪

Uh.

- No thanks, Butt-Head.

I'm not that hungry.

[chuckling]

What's the deal with these guys?

It's like they got these long-haired guys,

and then they got this guy like in a dark outfit.

- Uh, I think these guys are just like joking or something.

- Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

They're just like fooling around and stuff, huh?

- Yeah.

This isn't like a real video.

- Oh, yeah. Well, that's good.

- 'Cause if this was serious, it would suck.

[chuckling]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Butt-Head, I am getting kind of hungry.

Got any more of those, uh-- what are they, butt nuggets?

- Uh, okay.

Here you go. [grunts]

Regular or cool ranch?

- Yeah, butt nuggets.

[chuckling]

- Beavis, I'm choking.

- Oh, yeah?

What do you want me to do about it?

- Call .

- Um, why don't you call?

You're closer.

- You're closer, dumbass.

- Oh.

Oh, yeah.

- [gasping]

[line beeping]

- Um...

- If you'd like to make a call,

please hang up and dial again.

[tones beeping]

- Emergency services.

- Hi, um, uh, me and Butt-Head were watching this show.

This guy had his finger in his butt.

He was saying--

- What's the emergency, sir?

- [gasps]

- Is there an emergency, sir?

- Uh, yeah.

Butt-Head's choking on chicken.

- Listen carefully.

Have you performed the Heimlich?

- Um, is this like one of those numbers?

Um, what are you wearing?

- I repeat, have you Heimliched the victim?

- Have I licked his rectum?

No way.

But, uh, one time me and Butt-Head were

playing truth or dare and--

- Sir, please.

If you want to save your friend's life,

you need to perform the Heimlich maneuver.

- Um, he's not really my friend.

- Sir, don't you know what the Heimlich maneuver is?

Every restaurant in this city has a sign posted

describing the procedure.

- Um, oh, yeah.

Thank you, drive-through.

[bell rings]

[line beeping]

- Whoa.

That dog must have been sick.

[distorted harp playing]

Oh, yeah.

Butt-Head's choking his chicken.

[laughter]

[line beeping]

- Welcome back, everybody, to the Senior Olympics.

- [weakly] This sucks.

- And what a beautiful day for the--

- [humming and muttering]

Heimlich, him lick.

Him lick manure.

Manure.

Hey, freeze, jaywalker!

I sentence you to this.

Yeah.

Nachos.

Nachos.

Yeah, nachos.

- How about these competitors, folks?

[static blares]

- Choke! Choke!

Choke! Choke!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah! Choke!

Yeah, choke!

Choke, choke, choke!

[distorted harp playing, electricity buzzing]

- [gasps]

- Um, oh, yeah, yeah.

Nachos. [chuckles]

Nachos.

- [gasping]

[crunching]

- Hi, Beavis.

Uh, where's Butt-Head?

- Oh, yeah.

I better go.

- Hey, can I have some nachos?

- Um, okay.

Give me a dollar.

- [gasps]

- Um, do we have any signs around here?

[phone beeping]

- [gags]

[Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne's "Close My Eyes Forever"]

- ♪ Heaven ♪

- Oh, check it out, Butt-Head.

It's Ozzy. - Uh, yeah.

Uh, why is he whining?

- Yeah, yeah. What's going on here?

- Uh...

- Boy.

This isn't very good. - Yeah.

Ozzy shouldn't have done this.

- Yeah, really.

- ♪ We all remain the same ♪

- Uh, maybe this is Meatloaf.

- You know who I think this is, Butt-Head?

I think is the Indigo Girls.

- Oh, yeah.

- ♪ No, I just can't take the pain ♪

- ♪ Would you ever trust me? ♪

- Whoa, check it out.

He's making one of those monster faces.

- Yeah.

Monster face and wuss music do not go together.

It's like you may have scared somebody

with that face years ago,

but now you just look like some old fart.

- Oh, yeah.

You're being kind of hard on Ozzy, Butt-Head.

- I'm being what Ozzy?

- Hard on Ozzy.

[chuckling]

- ♪ You gotta close your eyes for me ♪

[phone beeping]

[door shuts]

- Hey, Butt-Head.

I got a sign that says we got to wash your hands

before returning-- ah!

- [coughs]

[breathing deeply]

- Hey, what are you doing on the floor, assmunch?

I almost tripped.

[chuckling]

[gags]

[rock music]

- ♪ Mercy, ♪ ego trip ♪

♪ Ego trip, mercy ♪

- [screams]

- Yeah, yeah.

[screams]

[screaming]

- Screaming rules.

- Yeah, yeah.

I think I'll do it some more.

[screaming]

[chuckling]

- ♪ Tell a lie to me ♪

- ♪ Now I'm something like a phenomenon ♪

- Phenomenon.

- ♪ I'm something like a phenomenon ♪

- Phenomenon. [screams]

I'm something like a phenomenon.

- It's not very cool when you do it, Beavis.

- Oh. Sorry, man.

Phenomenon-on.

Phenomenon.

Phenomenon. - Shut up.

- ♪ 'Cause DJ Paul, he's down with us ♪

- Is that girl like in the band?

- Um, I don't know. It's like she's hanging out

with the boys, but it's like you don't know

if she's there just because she's

gonna like sing or--

whoa, look at that butt! - Yeah.

- Oh, my God!

Wow! - That was quite a butt.

- Yeah, yeah.

That's something right there.

- ♪ So give me room, just give me room ♪

♪ Back the hell up, know what I'm sayin'? ♪

- Hey, Butt-Head.

We should get one of those big tubs,

and then we could like have some chicks over, you know?

And then like they could be in bikinis.

Whoa, look, they're beating up a white guy!

- Uh, I think he just tripped.

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

- ♪ Ego trip, ego trip ♪

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪