05x41 - Premature Evacuation

[bunniefuu]

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

* *

- And let me remind you, class,

that this will be on the test, okay?

- So then the other dude's like, "Excuse me, sir,

what I said was put a flower in your buttonhole."

[both chuckling]

- [groans] Attention all students

and faculty, I have an urgent announcement

and you all need to listen very carefully.

[both chuckling]

- That dude was like,

"Put a flower in your buttonhole."

Yeah. Yeah. Your button hole.

- Highland High has just received a b*mb thr*at.

We are asking all students and teachers to cooperate

in a total and immediate evacuation of the school.

[groaning]

Get that door.

- Okay, class, let's not panic.

In making our exit, see if you can utilize the concepts

we learned last week about synergy and collect--

ah--ah!

[chattering and screaming]

- So it's like, he said, "Excuse me, sir,

I said put a flower in your buttonhole."

- Yeah, yeah.

It's like, he was supposed to put it in his buttonhole.

[both chuckling]

But he put it in his--

in his butt.

- Uh...

did it, like, get quiet?

- What? Um.

- This is Samuel Weisberger

bringing you a chilling expose...

- Um, who is this?

- Uh, hmm.

I don't know.

[both chuckling]

- Join me...

- Whoa, this dude should,

like, get a better apartment.

- Yeah, it's like, we may not be millionaires,

but it's like, at least we have decent places to live.

[Sick Of It All's "Step Down" playing]

- Uh, no, we don't.

- Oh, yeah. Well--

well, at least we're pretty happy.

- No, we're not.

- Um, well, at least we have,

like, lots of friends.

- Uh, not really.

- Um, are we healthy?

- No.

- Our lives suck.

- Yeah. We're cool.

[both chuckling]

- These dances are pretty cool.

- Yeah, but it's like, they're too easy.

Check this out.

[both grunting]

- Hey, that's cool.

Hey, remember this one?

- Or how about this one?

[both chuckling]

- Next time we go to a dance,

I'm gonna, like, pull down my pants

and ask a chick to do the gorilla.

[both chuckling]

- Beavis, the only dance that you know is the monkey.

- Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna go do the monkey right now.

[both chuckling]

- Uh.

- Um.

- [groans]

I repeat, we have received a b*mb thr*at.

We believe the expl*sive to be somewhere in the cafeteria,

but we must evacuate the entire school.

- Whoa. A b*mb.

- Yeah, yeah. A b*mb, a b*mb!

Cool.

- I bet if we had our own b*mb,

we could, like, you know, blow stuff up.

- Yeah, yeah.

- That would rule.

Hey, Beavis, let's find it.

- Yeah, let's find it.

Hey, Butt-Head, I bet if we had a b*mb,

Pantera would hang out with us.

- Yeah, we could make 'em hang out with us.

- Oh, yeah.

Come on, let's find it.

Where is it?

- Nope, it's not in here.

- It's not in here.

Here, b*mb!

Come on, right over here.

- Hey, Beavis, when we find it,

we should like, go to one of those banks

and, like, blow up the safe where they keep

all the money and stuff.

- Hey, Butt-Head. Butt-Head, I found it.

I found the b*mb.

- Beavis, you dillhole, that's not a b*mb.

That's, like, one of those things,

you know, like, we have one at Burger World.

- Oh, yeah.

[ticking]

- Uh, hey, Beavis, listen.

- Um, what?

- [farts]

- Oh, yeah.

- That was cool.

[both chuckling]

[ticking]

[both chuckling]

- Where the hell is this b*mb?

We could have been blowing stuff up by now.

- Hey, Butt-Head, Butt-Head!

Check it out, I found the b*mb.

I found the b*mb!

- Whoa.

Give it here, monkey spank.

- No way, butt knocker, I'm the one who found it.

Give it back.

[both straining]

- Damn it, Beavis.

- Hey, you two!

Put that down now!

- Uh, no.

- Yeah, we were here first, ass-munch.

- Come on, boys, you're holding a b*mb.

Don't do anything stupid.

- Uh.

[both chuckling]

- Give--God--

do you idiots even realize the danger you're in?

- Uh, no.

- Yeah.

[both straining]

[both yelling]

[timer dings]

- Uh, that sucked.

- Yeah, really.

What a wussy b*mb.

- That's not a b*mb, you morons.

It's just a damn cooking timer.

- It wasn't even loud.

- Yeah, really.

And there was, like, no destruction.

- Yeah.

[both chuckling]

[Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Ride" playing]

- Okay, we've got chicks.

We've got computer stuff.

I think this is gonna be some kind

of chick in the future video.

- Yeah, as long as they're in my future, that's cool.

- I see a hand in your future, Beavis--

your hand.

- That's okay.

- * Oo-chie, coo-chie, still lookin' for the supa booty *

- Oh, it's him, it's him. It's Sir Mix-a-lot.

- Oh, yeah.

Cool.

You hardly ever see this dude on TV.

- Yeah, I'm just gonna listen.

Yeah, okay. - Yeah, really.

He might talk about butts again.

- * Take 'em to my house straight let 'em all in *

- This guy rules. - Yeah.

- * I might get banned, but I still like butts *

- See? See? See? He said he still likes butts.

See? - Yeah.

- * Not sexist, just sexy *

* Do I like sistas? Well, let's see *

* She's thick, walking with a switch *

- Whoa. - * Carryin' a beeper *

* You better not call her no bitch *

- It's like, he's got all these chicks around him

who would probably do it with him,

and all he talks about is how he's gonna

ride one of those bikes.

- I don't know, Butt-Head, those bikes look pretty cool.

- Beavis, yeah, you can go ride one of those bikes,

and I'll be scoring.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be cool.

I mean--um, no, you dumbass.

- * Two snake eyes puttin' fellas on tap *

- Um, you know, like, sometimes when I think about my dad,

it's like, I always imagine that he's Sir Mix-a-Lot.

- You wish, Beavis.

Your dad was probably that roadie

for the Marshall Tucker Band.

- No way, Butt-Head.

That guy could have been your dad too, you know.

- Uh, oh, yeah.

- * When ya dance, I'm on ya *

- * Get 'em on camera *

- * I'm on ya *

- * I'm on ya *

[both grunting]

- Bi-otch.

[both chuckling]

We in the house!

- * Get it on camera *

- Well, we searched the premises,

but we came up empty.

Now the b*mb squad's telling us it's only a hoax.

- [groans] What are you talking about?

Any imbecile can see a b*mb went off in here.

The man on the phone said it was placed

in the cafeteria last night.

- We'll keep looking, but with this mess,

it could take a while.

- What about you two?

What happened in here?

[groaning]

- Uh, a b*mb went off, sir.

- Yeah.

- So, uh, can we go home now?

- Yeah, we're scared and stuff.

- Yeah, I guess.

Get on your way, boys.

[both chuckling]

- That was cool.

[Monster Magnet's "Negasonic Teenage Warhead" playing]

- Hey, uh, hey, Butt-Head, um,

I know I talk about turds a lot, but, um,

boy, these things really look like turds.

- Uh, I talk a lot about turds too, Beavis,

don't worry about it.

- Oh, okay.

Poop.

- * Me and myself got a world to save *

- Uranus is cool.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Thanks, yeah.

My anus is pretty cool.

Ah! - Damn it, Beavis, shut up.

I was talking about the planet.

- Oh, oh.

- * I can tell just by the style *

- Whoa, check it out, a flying poop tart.

Poop.

They ought to do that, they ought to make, um,

you know, like, poop tarts.

You put 'em in the toaster, then when they pop out,

they go, "poop!"

- Yeah.

- * I will deny you, baby *

Uh.

Uh, stop the car, dude.

- Um, I just thought of something.

You know what would be funny?

If while they were driving under that girl like that,

you know, since they have a convertible,

you know, like, it would have been funny

if she pooped on 'em.

- Uh, okay, Beavis,

that's enough about poop.

- Okay.

I'll just talk about wee-wee.

[both chuckling]

Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.