05x48 - Bus Trip

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- Morgendorfer, Sanchez, Sunker.

- Is that it?

- Well, it should be.

But I don't see Beavis and Butt-Head.

They usually don't miss field trips.

- Uh, something's wrong. [chuckles]

- Oh, yeah. [chuckles] Maybe we're late or something.

- Uh, maybe.

- So, like, um, what should we do?

- Uh... [chuckles]

Let's write "big butt" on the chalkboard.

- Yeah. [chuckles] - Cool. [chuckles]

- Oh, ah.

- Wait a minute, Beavis.

I think it's trying to tell us something.

[chuckles]

Uh, feel tit...

[chuckles] Uh, tripe...

uh, Todd, uh...

Hey, stop the bus!

- Hey, don't leave, damn it! Wait for us!

[both chuckling]

- That was close.

- Next time, tell us, butthole.

[engine rumbles]

[Flaming Lips' "Turn It On"]

♪ ♪

- [chuckling] Laundry is cool.

- Yeah, yeah. [chuckling]

You know what?

We ought to try, like, picking up a chick in a Laundromat.

- Uh, why?

- Because, um, you know, you could, um--

you could, like, look at their underwear.

Bam.

Oh, I bet that underwear was on your butt.

You know what I mean? - Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Or you could, like, go up to one and say...

"So I see you wear underwear."

I wear underwear, too.

Want to do it?

- Yeah, yeah, that's even better, yeah.

And then, um, and then, you know, and then check this out.

Then you could say, like, you say,

"Oh, since you're already doing a load"--

you know, load, there's always that--

you could say, you know, "Since you're doing a load, um,

why don't you do my underwear, too?"

And then you could, like, pull down your pants, see?

And then you already have your pants off, see?

So you're already halfway there.

- Yeah.

And then, like, your underwear would be in there with hers.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah.

[chuckling continues]

I'm ready for love. [both chuckling]

♪ ♪

- Okay, people, I hope we're ready for our hike

down beautiful Mount Perdido.

- [chuckling] Mount.

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

- Now, class, even though there's an abundance

of breathtaking rock formations and fascinating plant life,

I have to warn you that this hike

will be quite a workout, mmkay?

- I've got a rock formation in my pants.

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

- Now, to pass the time,

I thought we might enjoy some music, okay?

Any requests?

- Like, " Bottles of Beer"?

- Good, Dean, but beer and driving don't mix, okay?

How about bottles of tea on the wall?

[horns honking]

Well, let's, try sort of a different arrangement, okay?

[honking continues]

What's going on? Why is everybody honking?

- Peek-a-boo!

- Hey, hey, Beavis and Butt-Head, no.

Ah, come on. - Peek-a-boo.

- I'm sorry, but obviously you boys can't be trusted

to be by yourselves in the back.

I want you to come up here right now

and switch seats with me, okay?

- Uh, we'll be better.

- Yeah.

We'll give them a pressed fruit bowl.

- I mean it, boys.

Come on. Get up here right now.

[both chuckling]

And please pull your pants up, okay?

- Uh, oh, yeah. [both chuckling]

- Now, I hope you guys understand

why I'm making you sit up here.

There are rules on the bus, and they're for your own good.

Now try to behave.

I'm going to go sit in the back, okay?

- Rules suck. - Yeah.

[horn honking]

- Stay in your lane, you son of a bitch!

This isn't the Indy, you moron!

- Cool.

- That dude's pissed. - Yeah, really.

How come he gets to, like, flip off cars and stuff,

but then it's like, when we do it,

we have to come sit up here?

- Uh, I think it's like, if you're in front of that line,

then you get to do all that stuff.

- Whoa, really?

You mean we can, like, scream at people

and give them the finger?

Yeah, let's go.

- Uh, hey, dude.

- Hey, sit the hell down.

- Yeah. Hey, get out of the lane, you son of a bitch,

or we'll kick your ass, bastard!

Yeah, watch where you're going.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- [sighs] What's gotten into those two now?

- Get out of my lane, you son of a bitch!

- Sit down, or I'm stopping this bus!

- Yeah, that means you, too.

- All right, that's it, Butt-Head.

Sit down. You too, Beavis.

Come on. - No way.

I'm in front of the white line, damn it.

Now sit down and shut up, you son of a bitch.

Aah!

[Butt-Head chuckles]

- Okay, people, it's obvious

we're all a little overexcited.

I think I'll cool things down with a little song I wrote.

[plays guitar]

It's called "Touch a Mountain," okay?

♪ Children of the Earth, rejoice ♪

♪ Each new day we have a choice ♪

♪ So touch a mountain ♪

♪ Climb a mountain, feel a mountain ♪

- Oh, damn it, I missed the turn.

[tires screech]

- Aah!

[grunts, crying]

- Whoa. [chuckling] That was cool.

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

[The Rake's Progress' "I'll Talk My Way Out of This One"]

♪ ♪

Check it out.

That dude's choking the cow's chicken.

- No, he's not, bungmunch.

That's how you get milk.

- Um, you have to spank a cow's monkey to get milk?

- No. You squeeze its boobs.

- Wow, really?

I didn't know a cow had boobs.

I thought it just had, you know,

that big nutsack with all the wieners hanging off it.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ I think they had a little fun ♪

- I like it when old people let

their mouth hang open

'cause they don't remember to close it.

- ♪ Yeah, oh, yeah ♪ - Yeah, yeah.

- I think I'm gonna do that right now.

Okay.

Ah.

Ah.

I feel kind of good.

- ♪ I'll talk my way out of this one ♪

♪ I'll talk my way out of this one ♪

- Maybe I'll try it.

[groaning]

This is pretty cool.

- ♪ With those cathode rays ♪

- You know another cool thing about cows?

They get to chew their own pudd.

- Really? - Yeah.

I learned it that time we went on a field trip to the dairy.

- Well, um, was I there?

- Yeah, but you spent the whole time

staring at the goat's nads.

[both chuckling]

[indistinct radio chatter]

[both chuckling]

This was a pretty cool field trip.

- Yeah.

It's like I really learned something.

Yeah.

[sirens blare in distance]

- ♪ Children, look around ♪

♪ And see the wonder ♪

- Mr. Van Driessen, is that you?

Are you okay?

- Don't look, son. He may be dead.

- ♪ Climb a mountain ♪

♪ Feel a mountain ♪

[screaming in pain]

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[alarm ringing]

- Whoa, hey, check it out.

I think that's that bell that they, like,

taught us about in history class,

where they, like, rang it, and it put a big crack in it.

- No, Beavis, you're thinking of Bible class,

when they talked about how God created the butt.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

And then he created poop. - Yeah.

That's in that "doo-doo-ronomy" section.

- Yeah.

[crowd chanting]

The Bible kicks ass.

[chanting slows, distorts]

Check it out. It's Dean and Gene Ween.

- Ween. - Yeah, Ween kicks ass.

- Yeah. This is kind of groovy.

- Yeah.

♪ Freedom ♪

Yeah, this is kind of groovy. Yeah.

- ♪ Little girls picking up sticks ♪

- How does he do that?

How does he sing all high and stuff?

- I think if you snip your nads off,

it'll make you sing high like this.

- Really? That's cool.

- You should try it, Beavis. - Um, no, I don't think so.

- Why not?

Have you ever used your nads for anything?

- Um, uh, not really.

No, I guess not.

- Don't your nads just, like, get in the way all the time

and hurt when they get kicked and stuff?

- Yeah, I guess so.

- Then why not just cut them off and see what happens?

- Well, let me just wait a minute 'cause, um...

I might need them for doing it.

- Beavis, that's what your wiener's for.

You don't need your nads for that.

- Oh, yeah.

Are you trying to trick me, Butt-Head?

- [chuckles] No.

- Well, do you use your nads for anything?

- No.

[moaning]

Damn it, Beavis. - See?

- [coughing]

- That's what nads are for, bunghole.

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪