07x17 - Nothing Happening

[bunniefuu]

[Beavis and Butt-Head chuckling]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[children chattering]

- Hey, Butt-Head, what time is it?

Hmm-hmm-heh.

- Uh, I think it's time for the news.

Uh-heh-heh. - That sucks. Hmm-hmm-heh.

- Yeah. Uh-heh-heh.

- Here's a sh*t of what the weather is like today,

and let me tell you, it is perfect.

Boy, we don't get many days that are this beautiful

this time of year, so if you haven't been outside yet,

I strongly suggest that you get out

as soon as possible.

[children chattering]

- How the hell are we supposed to hear the TV

with all that noise outside? Hmm-hmm-heh.

- Yeah, really. Uh-heh-heh.

- Boy, oh, boy, I just can't get over

what an incredible day it is outside.

I tell you, d*ck, it is absolutely gorgeous.

- Yeah, well, as soon as I get home,

I'm heading straight for the pool.

[both laugh] [static crackles]

- Uh-heh-heh.

Damn it. Uh-heh-heh. Hmm. Uh. Uh-heh-heh.

Hmm. Uh. Uh. Uh-heh-heh.

- Heh. Same crap on every channel.

- Yeah. This sucks.

There's nothing happening.

I think there's something wrong with the TV.

Hmm. Uh. Uh-heh-heh.

Let's just wait till something comes back on.

- Um, heh. Okay. Hmm-hmm-heh.

[both groaning]

[both snoring]

both: Huh? Huh?

- Huh? What? - Beavis?

Did you cut the cheese?

- No. [both chuckling]

- Uh, good. Uh-heh-heh.

- Did you? Hmm-hmm-heh.

- No.

- Yeah, no, that's good, yeah.

[both snoring]

[siren wailing]

[upbeat rock music]

[tires screeching] [door slams]

- Hold it right there, pal!

[g*ns cocking]

We have you surrounded!

Don't do anything stupid!

- All right, all right, I give up!

[g*nf*re]

- Woodpeckers. - Oh, yeah.

[both chuckling]

[both snoring]

[expl*si*n] - [screams]

My God!

[siren wailing]

[upbeat rock music]

[crowd screaming]

♪ ♪

- [screaming]

- So you boys ready to do something positive?

[all cheer]

- Huh? - Ah!

[both chuckling] [exciting music playing]

- Hey, Butt-Head. Hmm-hmm-heh.

I just had this really cool dream

where, like, there was this chick--

- Shut up and watch the TV, dumbass.

- In local news today, a jetliner crashed

into Highland High School,

causing massive bruising to everyone onboard

and a search for missing teachers.

A high-speed chase ended

in a residential backyard today

when police were forced to g*n down a desperate felon.

And an ambulance crew racing to help a teenager

who blew himself up with his chemistry set

crashed into a van full of teenagers

known as "Positive Acting Teens."

Details tonight on the : news.

- Whoa. Uh-heh-heh.

We're lucky the TV came back on.

We could've missed all the action.

- Yeah, really.

[upbeat rock music]

- [yelling]

- [yelling]

[both yelling]

[Tom Jones' "If Only I Knew"]

[upbeat rock music]

[Beavis and Butt-Head chuckling]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Home grown, on the bone ♪

- Uh, just--just so you know,

I think he just said "on the bone."

- Uh, okay. [both chuckle]

- ♪ Live action, all the noise of attraction beats up ♪

♪ On the streets, the sellers do mark-up ♪

- He's a dog lover.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah. [both chuckling]

- ♪ All that matters is, you're not here tonight ♪

- Would you do a dog, Beavis? Uh-heh-heh.

- Um, heh. Um, heh.

Let me think about that. Um, heh.

You mean, like, if I could never score with a chick?

- Yeah.

If you could never score with a chick,

would you do a dog?

- Um, heh. Hmm.

Um, heh.

Let me think. Um, heh. - Uh-heh-heh.

- I don't know, I guess, like, maybe a beagle would be nice.

Or a dalmatian or something. [both chuckle]

It depends on their personality.

- You'd do a dog.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah. But, um, heh.

You know, I'd probably have to, like, go around and, like,

you know, sniff its butt first, you know?

[both laughing]

- That reminds me of this joke.

There's these two dudes,

and they see this dog licking its nads,

and so, uh, they say,

"Why does it do that?"

And then the one dude goes, "Uh, because he can."

And then he says,

"Well, maybe you oughta pet him first.

[both chuckle]

- So--so why does he lick his nads then?

- Because he can. - Um, heh.

- Get it? Uh-heh-heh. - Not really.

I mean, anybody can lick a dog's nads.

So what?

[both chuckle]

- Tongue half. [both chuckle]

- ♪ If I only knew what I should do ♪

♪ ♪

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪