07x18 - Take a Lap

[bunniefuu]

[Beavis and Butt-Head chuckling]

[rock music]

* *

- You wonder why you can't get yourself a woman?

I'll tell you why! You're weak, frail!

And your pathetic butt is sagging!

But today's your lucky day.

With my scientifically engineered

blueprint for success, you, too, can look just like me!

Monster pecs!

Six-pack!

And check out these cheeks!

- Uh-- - Um--

- So get off your duff and start exercising!

But exercise alone will not produce a body like mine.

That is why you need to get on the phone

and order your monthly allotment of Mega Bulk,

made from fiber, bran, egg whites,

and an arsenal of protein-packed vitamins!

Mega Bulk will have you packing on major muscle

mass in no time! - Cool.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

[chuckles]

- So what are you waiting for?

Pick up the phone!

Come on! Do it!

Do it now!

[can clatters to floor]

- Uh, uh-heh-heh, hello?

- What the hell do you want?

- We want cool butts. - Yeah, yeah.

Cool butts, yeah. [chuckles]

[man, inaudible]

- Uh, no.

- Yeah.

[man continues indistinctly]

- Uh, no.

[chuckles] - Bunghole.

- Uh, no.

[man, indistinct] - Yeah, well, you suck.

[chuckles]

That dumbass wanted all kinds of, like, checks

and credit cards and stuff.

[chuckles] - What?

- Looks like we're just going to have to do it ourselves,

Beavis. [chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

Cool. [chuckles]

How are we going to do that?

[chuckles]

- Uh, let's go to Stewart's.

[chuckles]

[both chuckling]

[glass shatters]

Uh, OK.

[chuckles]

Uh...

- Couple of these.

- Come on, guys. This is my mom's stuff.

What are you doing? - We're going to be cool.

We're going to get in shape for chicks and stuff.

[chuckles] - Really?

Can I be in on this, too?

- [chuckles] No way.

You're too fat already.

- [chuckles]

- Yeah, that should be good. [chuckles]

- Uh, uh-heh-heh, oops. [chuckles]

- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Yeah, Stewart'll clean it up.

- OK, dude.

Drink up. [chuckles]

Here's to our butts.

[chuckles] - And our wieners.

[chuckles]

[slurping] [gulp]

- [groans] - This sucks!

[coughs] - You want to score, don't you?

[chuckles] - Yeah, but--

- [coughs]

- [groans] [gags]

- Aah! [burps]

Ah.

[car pulling up]

- Uh-oh, guys. My mom's home.

We better clean this up.

- Uh, uh-heh-heh, we, like, got to go exercise and stuff.

- Yeah, yeah. [chuckles]

[glass shatters] See you later.

Take care.

[both chuckling]

- Touch your toes! That's right!

Touch your toes! Now, up! Down!

Up! Down!

Up, down, up, down!

Circles with your hands!

Circles with your hands!

Small, small, small, small,

circles with your hands!

And don't forget to jog!

Small, small, small, small-- - This sucks.

...circles with your hands. - Yeah.

- Let's just go outside. - Circles with your hands!

- We can, like, go jogging or something.

- Small, small, small, small...

- Um, heh. Uh, OK.

- Don't forget to jog! - Whoo!

- Come on! [door shuts]

- [chuckles]

Uh, ready?

[chuckles] - Yeah.

- OK. Uh, go.

[chuckling]

- [pants]

Hey, Butt-Head?

[chuckles] - Yeah?

- Can we stop and rest? [coughs]

- Uh, OK.

[chuckles] - [pants]

Jogging sucks.

- Oh! Yeah.

I don't feel too good.

- Yeah, I got to take a dump from all

that Mega Crap stuff we drank.

- Yeah, me, too. [chuckles]

I got to go bad. [chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles] Me, too.

[chuckles] - Um, heh, I'm going first.

- No way, fartknocker. I'm going first.

- No way! I'm going first!

[chuckles]

- Damn it, Beavis! I'm going to kick your ass!

[both chuckling]

[Butt-Head grunting]

[farting] Unh!

[chuckles] - [chuckles]

Plop. [chuckles]

[toilet flushing] [Butt-Head chuckles]

[door opens] [relieved sighing]

Hey, how's it going? [chuckles]

- Circles with your hands!

- Oh, no, not this guy again.

- Circles with your hands! - Workout and body shaping

guru Peter Small collapsed and d*ed today

during the taping of his latest infomercial.

The coroner's office is quoted as saying that the death

was caused by heart failure

brought on by muscle stress to the lower bunghole.

- [chuckles] Exercise sucks.

- Yeah, yeah, really. [chuckles]

- Just sitting here is cool. - Yeah.

[heavy metal music]

- [scatting]

- Aah! Aah! Heh, nyah!

[scatting]

[smack, smack] OW! Ow!

Hey. Whoa! Hey, what is this?

[chuckles]

- It's the Scatman.

[chuckles]

- Yeah. Oh, yeah. Heh.

They should have a name for this kind of music.

- There already is a name for this music, Beavis.

It's called crap. [chuckles]

- Got to have a crap section in the record store.

- Uh, yeah. [chuckles]

It should be out in the dumpster.

[chuckles]

- No, wait, Butt-Head. [chuckles]

There's cool stuff in the dumpster.

You wouldn't want to mess it up with this crap.

- So check out my message to you.

As a matter of fact, I don't let nothing hold you back.

If the Scatman can do it, so can you.

Everybody's saying that the Scatman stutters.

- This is like that music they play in those clothes

stores in the mall, where they have,

like, a bunch of TV screens.

- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

And it's all loud.

And then, like, the salespeople come up and say, hi,

would you like a tie today? [chuckles]

- Yeah, yeah.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Those places are stupid.

[both chucking]

Oh, boy, this sure is horrible.

[both chuckling]

- The United Colors of Bentetton.

[both chuckling]

- You know, kinda sounded like he said "poop."

- Uh, well, you know, this is the Scatman.

And "scat" is, like, another word for "poop."

[chuckles]

- How'd you know that? [chuckles]

- I learned that when I did my report on feces.

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah.

[mellow rock music]

* *