[both chuckling]
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
- [chuckling]
Whoa, check it out.
It says "ass."
[both chuckling]
- [chuckling] Yeah.
[both chucking]
- Uh.
"Marry Ruff-eye-ann men?"
Uh. [chuckles]
Wait a minute. "Marry Russian woman."
[chuckles]
Whoa, foreign chicks.
[both chuckle]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, foreign chicks kick ass.
- Hey, Beavis. [chuckles]
I could get a wife.
[both chuckling] - Whoa, cool.
Get a naked one! [chuckles]
[line trilling]
- Hello? Russian Wives Unlimited.
- Uh.
I'm a rich American with a big wiener.
- Yeah. [both chuckling]
Flop.
- Uh, and what kind of package
would you be interested in, sir?
- Uh...her package?
- [chuckles] Yes, sir.
But which of our offers are you most interested in?
We've got everything from a trip to Russia for $,
to videotapes and color catalogs
starting at just a hundred bucks.
What'll it be?
- Uh...
uh... [phone ringing]
- Can you hold on a second?
- Wait, no. [chuckles]
- Hello? Russian Wives Unlimited.
- [Russian accent] Why did you lie to me?
- Katya?
- You promised me a handsome, rich American man,
but this man is a pig and an idiot.
I must have a divorce! [crying]
- H-hold on, Katya.
A marriage is a sacred partnership, and--
[bell rings] Hey, wait a minute.
You know, I happen to have on the line right now
another American man who I think would be perfect for you.
His name is Mr. Head.
He's got a great sense of humor
and he's worldly, smart, and very rich.
- Hmm, go on.
- And you know, he doesn't live very far from you.
Tell you what, I'll pay for your transportation.
- Hey, Butt-Head. [chuckles]
You think Russian chicks know how to, um, you know,
do it?
- Uh, she better.
- Cool. [both chuckle]
Maybe she could teach us.
- Mr. Head, I found you a wife.
- Cool.
[Wagner's "Bridal Chorus"]
♪ ♪
[chuckles]
- Repeat after me.
"I, Butt-Head, do you with all my heart and soul
and my wiener."
- Uh, I, Butt-Head,
do you with all my heart and soul and my wiener.
[chuckles] - You may now do the bride.
♪ ♪
- This is going to be cool.
[both chuckling]
- Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!
[quirky music playing on TV]
[doorbell buzzing]
♪ ♪
- Hey, baby. [chuckles]
- Hi. My name is Katya.
Uh, where's Mr. Head?
- Uh, in my pants. [chuckles]
- Whoa!
Hey, Butt-Head, is that your wife?
- Yeah. [chuckles]
- You are Mr. Head?
- Uh, yeah. [chuckles]
So, uh I guess I should, like,
carry you across the thrashold now so we can, like, do it.
[both chuckling]
Let's go ahead and get you here.
- [grunts] [Butt-Head groans]
[both chuckling]
Yeah, let's just go straight to the doing it part.
[both chuckling]
[Butt-Head chuckling]
[indistinct chatter on TV]
Hey, Beavis, pull my finger.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
[both chuckling]
[Butt-Head farts] [both chuckling]
[both sighing]
So, uh, Wife? [chuckles]
You want to, you know, go into the other room?
- Yeah, really.
Tell your wife to go into the kitchen
and, like, make some food.
- I'm glad to go in another room.
- Cool. [chuckles]
- I need to call Moscow.
- Moscow?
I can connect you,
but it would be a lot cheaper if you dial direct.
- I don't care.
[Katya speaking Russian] [Butt-Head chuckles]
- Hey, Beavis, you know what?
- [chuckles] What?
- Pretty soon, it's going to be like,
"Hey Wife, pull my wiener."
[both chuckling]
- Yeah, this is going to be cool.
[both chuckling]
Yank, yank. [both chuckling]
- [speaking Russian]
- Plus, I figure if she won't put out,
I can probably just have her arrested
for being a foreigner or something.
- Cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Have her ex*cuted. [both chuckling]
[doorbell rings]
I bet they sent over a wife for me, too.
[chuckling] That would be cool.
- Hi, guys. Whatcha doing?
- Damn it! Get out of here, Stewart!
- I just had a really cool idea
for how we can hang out together.
Have you guys ever played Pogs?
- [speaking Russian] [pounds wall]
- Uh, who's that?
Do you have, like, a visitor or something?
- Uh, yeah, that's my wife.
- Come on.
Who is it, really?
- Uh, Stewart, this is my wife. [Beavis chuckles]
- Uh, Wife, this is Stewart.
He's a wussy.
- Wow, are you two really married?
- Yeah, and you know what else? [chuckles]
We're going to have sex.
- Whoa!
- So it's like, uh,
you got to go now, Stewart, 'cause we're gonna do it.
[Stewart stutters] Get the hell out of here.
You too, Beavis.
- Come on, Beavis.
I'll show you my Pogs collection.
I got this great new slammer.
- Yeah.
Go play your little games.
We're going to have sex.
- Come on, Beavis.
- No way!
I'm going to stay and watch him do it.
Yeah. [chuckles]
Come on. [chuckles]
Come on.
[both chuckling]
- This is going to be cool.
Uh, hey, baby.
- Try to touch me and I'll break your hand.
- Uh.
- This sucks.
- [speaking Russian]
- Now, class, an interesting thing
to remember is that the--
- Hey, Butt-Head, so like, did you guys do it last night?
[whispering indistinctly]
- It's a path we are all headed to.
- Whoa.
- Now, you might be reincarnated in a lower caste.
This is where Hinduism and Christianity differ the most.
[both chuckling]
- Excuse me, who's that sitting next to Butt-Head?
- Um, it's just me, Beavis.
- Not you, dumbass.
[chuckles]
Uh, this is my wife.
Want to see her naked?
[overlapping chatter]
- [sighs] Come on, Butt-Head.
Remember our little talk about sexism, mm-kay?
And whoever she is,
I'm sure our visitor doesn't appreciate
your claiming to be her spouse.
- She's, like, one of those, you know, made-to-order brides.
I think she's foreign. [chuckles]
- Is this true, Miss, uh--
- Katya.
And it's, um, sort of true,
but I'm not even married
and I already want a divorce from this idiot.
[laughter]
- So uh, Wife.
Want to go and, uh... [chuckles]
Constipate the marriage?
Hey, slow down. [engine revving]
- Yeah! Slow down, damn it!
- [speaking Russian]
- Hey, doll face.
- Get me the hell out of here.
- Climb in and grab on already.
[engine gurgling]
Whoo-hoo!
[tires squealing]
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[remote clicks] - I'm leaving you.
[remote clicks]
- [sobbing] My wife left me for another man!
[moaning and springs squeaking]
- Hey, Butt-Head, do you think Todd did it with your wife?
[moaning and springs squeaking]
- Uh, I don't know.
- I'm just wondering, you know, if the two of them did it--
you know, because she's not supposed to do it
with other guys, right?
- [moans] Todd!
[Katya giggles]
- But what I don't understand is she's your wife.
Like, isn't she supposed to do it with you then
instead of Todd?
Because I don't remember, like, you telling him
it was okay to have sex with your wife.
- Damn it, Beavis, she's not really my wife.
I don't think it even counts because, like,
we never did it.
It's, like, the marriage is analed or something.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
So, like, do you think Todd's married to her now?
'Cause I bet he did it with her.
I knew it when I first saw her in his car.
You know what I'm saying? You could just tell.
It's like she had "do it" written all over--
- Damn it, Beavis!
- Oh, hey, wait a minute.
I just thought of something. [chuckles]
So it's like now that Todd did your wife,
it's kind of like you and Todd are related.
- Oh, yeah. [chuckles] We are related.
I bet Todd will let me into his g*ng now.
[matrimonial organ music]
- Yeah, yeah, me too.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
[Pantera's "This Love"]
♪ ♪
- ♪ If words were ever spoken ♪
- Yes, Pantera! Yeah, yeah!
- Yeah. [chuckles]
But what's going on here?
- Don't worry, Butt-Head. It's South rockin'. Come on.
[both chuckling]
♪ ♪
- Ooh, baby. - Yeah. [chuckles]
I like that, yeah.
- ♪ You keep this love ♪
- Yeah, yeah! - Yes!
- Come on, take this love! - Yeah!
- ♪ Love ♪ - Yeah. [chuckles]
- Hey, Butt-Head, does this Pantera guy ever relax?
- Uh, I don't think so.
- [chuckles]
- This guy's dad must've kicked his ass when he was a kid.
- Yeah, really.
He was like, "Damn it, Pantera!
This beer's warm! Get me another one!"
- Yeah. [chuckles]
He was like,
"You treat your stepmother with respect, Pantera!"
[both chuckling]
"Or you'll be sleeping in the street."
[both chuckling] - Yeah.
He was like, "Damn it, Pantera!
"I told you to get out there and mow that lawn!
"Oh, what's this? Is that a tear, Pantera?
"Oh, is daddy's little girl upset?
"I'm going to kick your ass into next Tuesday!
"Now get out of here and quit acting
like a damn little girl!"
- [chuckles] Settle down, Beavis.
- Yeah, yeah. Thanks.
Ooh, that was pretty cool.
♪ ♪
[The Murmurs' "You Suck"]
[mellow alt rock music] Um...um...hmm.
Is this a diaper commercial?
- Uh, no, this is a douche commercial.
[both chuckling] - Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's funny. [chuckles] Douche.
[both chuckling]
What is douche anyway? Like, how does it work?
- Uh, I don't know.
I think chicks use it, like,
when they get that not-so-fresh feeling.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
I think it helps them, like, go horseback riding
and, like, go down to the beach
and stuff like that, too.
- Yeah.
I wonder how come they don't have a douche for guys?
- Yeah, that would rule.
'Cause, like, sometimes, you know,
I feel like, you know, I'm not so fresh.
- Well, maybe if you'd wash your butt once in a while.
And I'm not talking about washing your whole butt,
I'm talking about washing your butthole.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
both: ♪ And for that, you suck ♪
♪ Oh ♪
- They just said you suck. - No they didn't.
They saidyousuck.
♪ ♪
They ripped off my idea for a song.
- Yeah, you, like, already ripped off
the idea from me, butthole.
- Beavis, do you remember what I told you
about trying to be funny?
- Um, um... that I shouldn't?
- That's right.
Now sit there and shut up.
Nutsack. [both chuckling]
- Wait, wait, wait, I think I can see something!
- Uh.
- I think I can see the side of her boob!
[screams]
- I think that's just a koala bear.
- Oh yeah, sorry.
- ♪ Right now there's dust on my guitar ♪
- You know something?
I wish these girls were naked,
and I wish they were right here without any clothes on,
and I wish I was grabbing their butt,
and, um, that's about it.
- Uh, well, all right then.
both: ♪ You suck ♪
♪ And for that, you suck ♪
♪ [both vocalizing] ♪
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
07x20 - Bride of Butt-Head
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Adult animated series follows Beavis and Butt-Head, both voiced by Judge, a pair of teenage slackers characterized by their apathy, lack of intelligence, lowbrow humor, and love for hard rock and heavy metal music.
Adult animated series follows Beavis and Butt-Head, both voiced by Judge, a pair of teenage slackers characterized by their apathy, lack of intelligence, lowbrow humor, and love for hard rock and heavy metal music.