07x38 - Butt Flambé

[bunniefuu]

[sparse laughter]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[siren blaring]

[indistinct radio chatter]

- Hurry up, butt wipe.

- Oh, ow.

- Uh, is this the "hostipal"?

- How can I help you?

- You can tell me if this is the damn "hostipal."

- Uh, yes, it is, and now what's your problem?

- Uh, he's the one with the problem.

Look at him.

- My butt hurts! Ah!

- Go sit down over there and fill these out.

We'll get to you eventually. - Yeah.

- [whimpering]

- Ah!

- That dude said to sit down, Beavis.

What's the matter with you, Beavis?

No one wants to see your butt. Now sit down.

- Ah! Ah!

- Will you shut up? What do you got to cry about?

- My butt hurts. Ow.

- Yeah, well, I got three slugs in my gut.

- Whoa. - You don't see me whining.

- Mr. Borman? - Yeah.

- Okay, why don't you follow me?

We'll have a look at those entry wounds, okay?

- [groans softly]

- [whimpering]

- Whoa.

That dude had b*llet holes. Cool.

Shut up, butt mutt.

Your injury sucks. - Oh, ah!

[whimpers]

- Uh...

- [whimpering]

- Uh, this sucks. Let's get out of here.

- What? Oh, okay.

[whimpering]

Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Ah, ah! Ow, ah!

- Hey, listen, I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down.

What's that smell?

Ooh.

Hey, gurney, stat! Got a crispy critter!

- [chuckles] Crispy critter.

[chuckles] - [whimpering]

- Okay, let's have a look-see.

- [whimpering]

- Oh, my dear Lord. What happened here?

[both chuckles]

- Okay, now I'm going to have to pry these apart.

This may hurt a bit.

- [screams]

- Son, I want you to relax.

I'm going to be inserting this device.

It's called a proctoscope. - No, no!

- I know it hurts, son, but we need to see

what the extent of the damage is.

I don't know what it is you did to yourself here.

- Please, no, no. - Oh, dear Lord.

- [screaming] - Come on, let's move, guys.

I want Dr. Casey to scrub in on this.

Come on, let's move it, or this kid loses it.

- What? Loses what?

- [chuckling]

Uh... [chuckles softly]

- Ow. - Local anesthetic.

We might need to talk to this kid.

Show time, kids. Let's save this boy's ass.

- My butt. Save my butt please.

- [chuckling]

- Come on. Come on.

Come on, buddy. Come on, come on.

[flat tone]

- Greg, he's gone. - [sighs]

Call it :.

- Uh, can I have the b*ll*ts?

- Take whatever you want. - Uh, thanks.

- I can't feel my butt. I can't feel my butt!

- Son, it's all right. It's just the anesthesia.

- I'll never poop again! - Calm down, kid.

We'll have you pooping in no time.

- Oh, really? Okay, that's good.

Poop. Poop.

- [chuckles softly] - Ah!

- Come on, one more. One more push.

- Ah! - Whoa.

Uh, need any help in here?

[chuckles]

- All right, let's do it. Spreader.

- What are you gonna do with that?

- You won't feel anything, son.

- Really, I wanna know what you're gonna do with that.

- Fire in the hole! - [screams]

[coughs]

- [chuckles softly]

Whoa.

- Here, get this to OR three for transplantation stat.

- Uh, okay. Cool.

- Oi, I've got me fingers stuck in me bum.

[laughter]

- Now this is an interesting case.

This young man presenting in the ER

with third degree cremation of the buttocks,

cauterized sphincter,

and severely inflamed rectal cavity.

Can anyone here tell me

what could've possibly caused this?

[laughter]

[laughter continues]

- Look. Look.

[chuckles]

- Yeah.

[both chuckling]

Vanilla Ice.

[both chuckling]

You know what I mean?

They're always, like, putting this guy down

and you know, like, making fun of him

and saying he sucks and stuff,

but, you know, he really does suck,

and this is one of those times where everybody's right.

You know what I'm saying?

- Uh, are you just trying to say that this sucks, Beavis?

- Sometimes you have a way with words.

[both chuckling]

Are you gonna change the channel, Butt-Head?

- Why bother?

All we seem to get on this TV is bad videos.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- There's, like, three things wrong with this video.

One, this dude sucks,

and, uh, three,

he's trying to rap a love song.

- You know what I mean?

If this is a real rap song about love, he'd be saying,

"We have no love for hope." - Yeah.

It'd be like, "I don't love you hoes.

I want the dope."

Love. - Love.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah, love.