10x04 - Hellhole/Take a Bow

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[both chuckling]

- It's gonna say

"boobs," Butt-Head.

It's gonna say "boobs"

in the sky.

- Shut up, Beavis. We're gonna miss the moment.

[tires screeching, horn honks]

Let's get closer so "boobs" will be easier to read.

- Yeah, I want to get a good look at "boobs"...

in the sky. [chuckles]

- Okay, he's done with the O.

And now for whatever letter B is.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

This is gonna be good.

Here he goes.

- Just one more letter, and it will say--

Aah!

- It'll say "aah"?

I thought it was gonna say-- Aah!

[body thuds]

[both groaning]

- [echoing] Eh...

- [echoing] Butt-Head, where are we?

- Eh, wait a second.

Here's some words. [chuckles]

Eh, De--De--Deb, uh--

Deborah-ment... - Saint boobs or something.

- Deeb, uh... - Boob...

- Apartment of Sa... - Boobs.

- Sata--Satan.

- Whoa. [both chuckle]

- Beavis, this is the apartment of Satan.

Do you know what this means?

- Uh, no.

- We have d*ed, and this is hell.

- Whoa, really?

Yes! - Yes!

[both vocalizing heavy metal music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ You might think I'm crazy ♪

♪ The way I've been craving ♪

- Dots suck. - Yeah, yeah.

I hate dots. Yeah.

They're all round and stuff. Yeah. [chuckles]

And I hate stripes, too, yeah. [chuckles]

- This is that video where Ariana Grande had a lab,

and she was gonna cure cancer,

but then she was just like,

"Nah, let's just make a bunch of slut robots."

[chuckles]

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she's creating a Franken-slut, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It's alive! It's alive!

It's a slut!

[giggling]

- Presenting the Slut-Bot --

the cutting edge in slut technology.

- I don't know, Butt-Head.

Seems like all that metal

would, like, cut up your schlong, you know?

- That's why you'd need, like, a special metal robo-schlong.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that would be cool.

- She's gonna get it on

with the Tin Man from "Wizard of Oz."

[laughs]

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's got an iron schlong, yeah.

- Yeah, he'll be like,

"Well, I guess I don't need a heart anymore."

[chuckles] - Yeah.

♪ If I only had a schlong ♪

[laughing]

- Tin-Woodsman. [laughing]

♪ ♪

- Whoa, I think the Slut-Bot

turned all of them into regular sluts,

you know, like when Pinocchio became a real boy or something.

- You are all real sluts now.

Go out into the world and do some slutting.

[laughing]

♪ ♪

I can't believe we d*ed and went to hell.

- Hell kicks ass!

It's, like, all dark,

and--and I think we're standing in a river of poop, yeah.

- It's definitely cool here, Beavis.

But something is missing.

Where's the demon chicks with red boobs?

- Yeah, and where's all the cool guys

who d*ed and went to hell on their motorcycles?

- And where are all the hot girls who went to hell

because they liked scoring too much?

- Uh, wait a minute.

Um, there's supposed to be fire, too, yeah.

Eh, fire!

- Uh, maybe the cool part of hell is, like, further down.

We're just, like, in Satan's apartment.

- Yeah. Let's, like, dig down to the cool part of hell.

Yeah. [chuckles]

We need, like, a shovel or something, yeah.

- Whoa, check it out, Beavis.

It's one of those jackhammers. [chuckles]

Jack... [laughs]

- Whoa, cool.

- When Satan closes a door, he, like, breaks a window.

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, someone's looking out for us down there.

[both chuckle, grunting]

[jackhammer pounding, Beavis screams]

- Damn it, Beavis.

You're embarrassing me in front of Satan.

- Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry. Yeah. Won't happen again.

- [grunts] [both laughing]

[both groaning]

[chuckles] Whoa.

[jackhammer pounding]

- Ugh! [both laughing]

- Hey, Butt-Head. Hey, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

Butt-Head! [gas hissing]

- Uh, yeah? [chuckles]

- It smells like--like a butt or something.

- Eh, of course it does, Beavis.

That's 'cause we're getting closer to hell.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I can hear the snakes.

- Well, let's keep digging right here next to this pipe.

- Okay. Here we go. [both groaning]

- Hey, are you going to the festival of books this weekend?

- Yeah, apparently--

[Beavis screaming]

[crashing]

[Beavis grunts] Oh.

Uh, Butt-Head... [coughing]

Did we die? [coughs]

- Uh...

we were already dead, dumbass. [coughs]

- Oh, yeah, yeah, right. [both cough]

- This still sucks too much to be hell.

- Yeah, but I saw fire.

A-and I think I'm pretty b*rned, so, you know...

- Eh, those demon chicks must be around here somewhere.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckles]

- Whoa. I think I just grabbed a demon girl's leg.

- Oh, cool! Yeah, yeah!

Yeah, a demon chick just grabbed my leg!

- Whoa.

Now I'm, like, feeling a demon chick's butt.

- Butt-Head, Butt-Head,

a demon chick is feeling my butt.

- I'm putting my hand up her shirt, Beavis.

- Not now, Butt-Head.

The demon chick is feeling me up.

Shut up!

- Beavis, my finger...

I think I'm scoring. - Yeah, yeah, me too!

Yeah, me too! [both chuckling]

Wait a second.

Damn it.

Where'd the demon chicks go?

[angelic music]

♪ ♪

- Is anyone alive down here?

- Uh, no.

- Yeah, we d*ed twice already, dumbass.

[comm beeps] - Oh, my God, it's two boys.

What the hell happened?

- We were about to score with some demon chicks, damn it.

- Yeah, until you chased them off, butthole.

- I think you fellas may have a concussion.

Don't worry. I'm gonna get you out of here.

- Ah, now he's gonna take us to heaven.

- That sucks.

- You boys are lucky to be alive.

- "Alive"? That's even worse.

[cheers and applause]

- Damn it.

[rock music]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[Beavis groaning]

- Uh, Beavis really hurt his testi-coils or something,

and I think he needs some pills, like, stat or something.

- [groaning]

- We'll have a doctor take a look.

Has he been in pain long?

- Uh, not really.

Maybe a week? - [groans]

- Oh, my gosh. What happened?

- Uh, we don't really know.

[slurping] - Hey, Butt-Head.

Hey, Butt-Head, check this out. [chuckles, grunts]

[both laughing]

- That was cool, Beavis.

Take a bow.

- Uh, what?

- I said, "Take a bow."

- Aah!

- [laughing]

- Yeah, see, that's cool,

'cause you were like, "Take a bow,"

and then you hit me in the nads,

and then I had to bend over like I'm bowing, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. - That's right, Beavis.

You figured it out. Take a bow.

- Aah! [grunts]

Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I get it now, yeah.

- Well, you're a good sport for playing.

- Oh, yeah, thanks. - Take a bow.

- Aah! [groaning]

- Take a bow. - Aah!

- Take a bow. - Cut it out.

Aah! - Take a bow.

- Aah! Stop!

- Take a bow. - Aah!

- It is a mystery. [chuckles]

- Well, let's hope the doctor can figure out what happened.

- [groaning] - You boys wait here.

- I think she likes you, Beavis.

- Really? - Yeah.

Take a bow.

[grunts] - Oh, God.

- Big chug alert, folks.

I'm about to chug

all the Mountain Dews you see here,

all that I can find.

- Whoa.

Finally someone's gonna put all seven colors of Mountain Dew

into one glass and drink it.

I've been asking for this for years.

- Finally someone has the guts to do it, you know?

- All right? I got...

- Is he really gonna drink all of them together?

I mean, Maui Burst, Live Wire, Spark, Code Red,

Original, Frost Bite, Voltage,

and Violet, which they only have in Japan?

[chuckles]

- Mountain Dew Violet.

- Whoa!

- Last but not least, I got the Baja...

- My favorite flavor is red.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, red kicks ass,

you know, like red sno-cones and Slurpees and Cherry Blast.

You know?

- I had a real cherry once,

and they try to trick you because a cherry's red

so you'll think it tastes like red,

but it doesn't.

It's horrible. [chuckles]

Cherries suck.

- Yeah, cherries don't taste red at all.

They taste all barf-y.

- And then someone told me it was a fruit,

and that pissed me off even more.

[both chuckling]

The only cool thing George Washington ever did

was k*ll a cherry tree.

And then he lied about it. [laughing]

- [chuckles] Yeah, yeah.

- Fruit sucks. [laughs]

- It sure does. Yeah, yeah.

- The time has come...

- Where did he get that gigantic, fancy glass?

- Eh...

I think that might be, like, a normal-sized glass,

and he's just, like, really tiny.

- Aw. [chuckles]

Well, that would explain his gigantic watch.

- Yes.

- At last, the moment has arrived.

The dream has become reality.

- Okay, okay, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, here he goes. - Ooh, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, here we go. Yeah, yeah.

- Ooh, yes.

- Yeah, there you go. - That's right.

- There you go, yeah, yeah. - That's right.

- Chug! both: Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug!

- Yeah, chug. - Chug.

- Chug that thing. - Chug.

both: Eh...

- Oh, boy.

Okay, yeah.

- I guess it takes a while.

- Well, you know, it is a lot of Mountain Dew.

You know, I mean...

- Yeah... [chuckles]

I mean, it's pretty cool.

I just thought it would be a little faster, you know.

- Yeah.

Well, you know, it was good for a while there, you know?

My neck kind of hurts from headbanging.

Eh, let's watch something else.

Oh, wait, look!

Wait! He's almost done, yeah, yeah!

- Yes! - Yeah, there it is!

Yeah, go! - A little more. There you go.

- Ooh, yeah! - There it is.

Ahh.

That was amazing.

- You know, Butt-Head, you can't teach that, you know?

That's just, like, pure, raw talent right there.

Yeah.

I mean, this guy should be the president or something.

[giggles] - Uh, maybe he is.

- Yeah, I mean, how would we know?

The only thing about this guy--

if he's the president, he wouldn't just drain the swamp,

he would chug it, yeah! [both chuckle]

- The swamp kicks ass. [chuckles]

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the swamp!

Yeah.

[groaning] Oh, boy.

[groans] - You're awake.

Good job. - No, no.

No, wait.

A-aren't you gonna smack my nads?

- Not until you're better, Beavis.

- Oh, okay, cool.

Thanks, yeah.

- Are you better? [chuckles]

- Eh, um, not yet.

I think they're, like, giving me fluids.

- Fluids. [both laughing]

- [coughing]

Yeah, yeah.

- Keep it down. I'm trying to sleep.

- Shut up, butt-munch.

This guy's balls are all messed up.

If this wasn't a hospital, I'd make you take a bow.

Hey, Beavis, did you hear what I just said to that guy?

[chuckles]

Uh...

uh, Beavis?

Beavis!

[dramatic musical sting]

Whoa.

I think I k*lled him. [chuckles]

- It's like, I didn't mean to hurt him.

[chuckles]

Feeling bad sucks. [chuckles]

Uh...

oh, yeah. [chuckles]

[soft organ music]

Uh, dear Heavenly Lord Godfather

Jesus Christ of Almighty,

uh, please don't let Beavis die.

He still has, like, work to do here on Earth or something.

[chuckles] Work sucks.

Uh...

please heal the pain in his broken nads.

Cradle them gently

in Your giant, holy hands, Lord.

[chuckles] Uh...

I didn't mean to put him in the hospital.

It was just, like, cool. [chuckles]

I mean, it was funny, right? [chuckles]

Like, uh, take a bow.

[laughing] That was cool.

[laughs] You saw it, right?

Take a bow. [laughing]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [chuckles] Into the light.

This is gonna be cool.

[angelic music]

♪ ♪

Aah!

[screaming] Ow!

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Oh, yeah. [sighs happily]

Ahh.

Ahh. Ahh.

- You can really feel the testicular inflammation.

Sometimes your fingers

are the most sensitive medical instrument in your toolbox.

Leslie, would you care to squeeze?

- Thank you, Doctor.

- Hmm.

- Please, everyone take a turn

and feel these swollen testicles.

This is important training.

- Ahh. Ahh.

- ♪ We could burn like evergreen ♪

♪ We could fire up every tree ♪

- Uh, is this, like, choir music?

[chuckles]

- Yeah. Yeah, it probably sucks, but, um...

it's called "Burning Fire,"

so, like, you know, maybe give it a chance, you know,

you know, 'cause fire, yeah. [chuckles]

I mean, you know, maybe they'll burn this guy

with a beard or something- I don't know, you know.

- I sure hope so. [chuckles]

He's like, "Oh, you've got COVID."

- Yeah, yeah, let's go celebrate.

I can't figure out if this is, like,

like, some kind of truck commercial

or, like, insurance

or, like, some prescription dr*gs or something, you know?

Like... [chuckles]

- Yeah.

I think it's, like, for boner pills.

[both chuckle]

- Side effects may include a burning fire!

Yeah.

- Camino is not suitable for anybody.

[chuckles]

Do not take Camino if, uh...

Well, just don't take it.

It sucks.

- See, now, I think that's supposed to be Camino

when he's old and he's shaved off his beard.

- No, it's not, Beavis.

That's his dad, and the other chick is his mom.

[chuckles] They're ashamed of their son.

[both laughing]

- It's like, yeah, he's out there in a field

singing a song that sucks.

We need to stop him now.

[both chuckling]

- We did our best, honey, and he's still singing.

- Why don't you quit crying, then,

and go out there and do something about it?

- Yeah.

Grandma, get me my lighter and a can of gas.

I'll show him a burning fire.

- Yeah, give Camino something to cry about.

Uh, Butt-Head, um...

I was wondering, like, um...

you think it would be cool to do it with an octopus?

- Uh, no.

- Yeah, yeah, me neither. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know why I said that.

That was weird.

- Uh, Beavis...

I'd probably laugh about it eventually,

but it would've sucked if I k*lled you

by hitting your nuts.

- Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, thanks, Butt-Head.

[soft music]

♪ ♪

- It was a great success, Lord.

Without our intervention,

the boy would have d*ed from massive testicle damage,

and his friend probably would've d*ed from grief

shortly thereafter.

- Well done, Michael. Take a bow.

- Thank you. Ugh!

- [laughs] Loser.

[laughs]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- Chirp.