07x20 - Father And Son

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, wednesday happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, friday happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪



-♪ Happy and free ♪

-♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪



-♪ Share them with me ♪

-♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Goodbye, gray sky hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothin' can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪

[Instrumental break]

♪ Sunday, monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, wednesday happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, friday happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪



-♪ Share them with me ♪

-♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪



-♪ Happy and free ♪

-♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪

[Vehicle approaching]

Where's dad?

Well, he went to a meeting at the leopard lodge with donald hedges.

Oh, no, not him.

Aw, every time he sees me,

He tells me I'm growing like a weed.

If I hear that one more time, I'll scream!

That must be your father now.

Oh, and mr. Hedges

-

-

He's not gonna call me a weed.

So the traveling salesman said to the farmer's daughter

-

-

Hi, marion.

Have to say hello to mrs. Grand pooh

-Bah, huh?

Are you all set for the leopard convention, donald?

Zowie, yes!

I got my car trunk filled with water balloons already.

Hey, and I'm taking my son junior along.

He's such a fun guy.

We're just like buddies together,

Probably like you and richie, eh?

Yeah.

Is he going to the convention?

Oh, uh, yes, of course he is.

Hey, great, there'll be no stopping the four of us, huh?

Nothing like being buddies with your kid.

Well, so long.

Marion: bye.

Oh, and say hello to that good

-Looking

Little daughter of yours, huh?

She's growing like a weed.

Joanie: aaaahhh!

That's not funny, joanie.

You know, marion, maybe I should invite richie

To come to the convention with me.

I don't know why,

But we're not such good buddies anymore.

Gee, when he was little,

I used to be his little

-League coach

And take him to see santa claus.

Oh, howard, that's all little

-Boy stuff.

He's a young man now.

Yeah, well, that's the whole point.

Now that he's older, we should be closer than ever.

We haven't done anything together in a long time.

Well, go ahead, dear,

Just invite him to the leopard convention.

Nah, I bet if I invite him,

He'll just laugh at me right in my face.

Richard is not that way.



-Hello.

-Hi.

Hi, mom.

Hi, dear.

Richard, how would you like to go with me

To the leopard lodge convention this weekend?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I don't think so, dad.

What's for dinner, mom?

I'm going up to start packing.

Oh, you made cookies, huh?

You laughed in your father's face.

Oh, mom, he doesn't care

Whether I go to that convention or not.

Yes, he does.

This is very important to him, richard.

You're going to graduate in another year,

And you might even end up working in another town.

I think your father feels that now is the time

The two of you should be buddies.

Oh, mom, we've got plenty of time for that.

Ralph and potsie and me

-

- We got tickets

To the bears game in chicago.

We're going to chicago this weekend.

Chicago? Now, that's where the convention is.

You could ride down there with your father,

And you could stay at his hotel.

I want to hang out with the guys.

You know, we've got everything all planned out.

Ralph already borrowed his father's bullhorn.

Richard, I am not telling you

That you have to go with your father,

I'm just simply letting you know

How I feel about this subject.

All right.

Tell 'em!

Tell them what, arthur?

Look at the way he's dressed.

He looks fine, fonz.

He looks fine enough to wrestle a pig.

Not fine enough to go and visit his cute little grandmother

Whose eyes crinkle when she smiles.

I don't even want to go, so why should I get dressed up?

I don't want to hear about it.

I don't want to hear any more

About how her house smells funny.

She keeps pinching my cheeks!

Hey, she pinched my cheek for years.

It's your turn. That's what grandmothers are for.

And then she invites all of her friends in

And makes me dance with them.

Actually, I like to watch that.

Fonz, I don't want to go.

Arthur, you can't force people

To do what you want them to.

Yes, I can.

You know, howard asked richard

To go to the leopard convention with him,

And he won't go, even though he knows

How much it means to his father.

Tell me that's not true.

Oh, fonz, I came walking in here

-

-

I tell you that I am filled with disappointment.

I bring my cousin chachi in here

So he could meet somebody he could look up to,

And you spit in my face!



-I didn't spit, fonz.

-Now I got to take my cousin

And find somebody he can really look up to.

Thanks a lot. Come on.

Wait, wait, wait.

Uh, I thought it over, I changed my mind,

And I'm goin' with my dad to the convention.



-You want my opinion?

-Yeah.

You ought to visit your grandmother nussbaum.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It's all right.

Have a good time.

Whew! Almost fell off my pedestal.

Howard: oh, this isn't such a bad room.

It's a lot better than that fleabag

We dropped the fellas off at.

Oh, yeah, well, this one's got beds.

Yeah.

Ah, richard, we are gonna have a terrific weekend.

Yeah.

Look at this

-

-

Your junior leopard fez, huh?

Yeah.

I was afraid you'd forget it.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't want to be without that.

Now, you wear it proudly, huh, richard?

Why don't you start unpacking?

I'm going to go on down to the lobby

And sign us in at the convention.

Oh, richard...

Take a look at that other suitcase.

It's got a million laughs in it.

Right.

And thanks for coming.

I wouldn't have missed it, dad.

Dribble glass...

Fake hand...

Chattering teeth.

My own father has turned into bozo the clown.

[Horn honks]

Oh.

Hello, mr. Hedges. Junior.

Boy, there's no fooling a cunningham, is there?

Hey, where's howie?

We're ready to go out in the hall

And start hiding the maids' cleaning carts.

We might hide a couple of maids, too.

Oh, here's your convention kit

-

-

Badge and everything.

Oh, yeah. Thanks, junior.

Ah

-Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oh, what a funny kid, huh?!

Yeah, yeah, two, uh, fun guys.

Uh, well, listen, my dad went down to register us,

So I'm sure he's gonna be back any minute.



-[Knock on door]

-Hey, maybe that's howie.

Let's give him a warm reception.

Wait a minute, he's got his suit on

-

-

Open it up! Spray!

Waahh!

It's not howie.

So what?!

Let's change the room numbers on the doors!

What was that?

Donald and junior.

Now, those are my kind of guys.

Funny stuff. Ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Hey, malph, look

-

- They got beds.

They got beds?

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's pretty nice.

You know, somehow, i, uh...

I never pictured my dad

As a man who would bring a whoopee cushion.

Hey, it's the deluxe model!

I got to tell you, though,

This whole thing of being a buddy with your dad,

It takes a little getting used to.

Well, here's the game plan, rich

-

-

Back at our hotel, there's a bunch of stewardesses

And we're meeting three of them tonight.

Are you telling me that you've lined up

A stewardess for yours truly?

You bet your bucks, buddy boy.

That's right, rich.

And this stewardess flies nonstop.

What are we waiting for?

Get those glasses off. Let's get down there.

All right! Wait till you see the blonde!

Richard, you'll never guess what happened.

Donald and junior were arrested?

No, no, I changed the seating arrangement

For the banquet tonight.

You see, instead of the vice pooh

-Bah

Sitting next to me,

I told them I wanted my son to sit next to me

-

-

My pride and joy looking up at me with a smile.

You

-

- You didn't have to do that, dad.

Well, I know I didn't have to,

But I wanted to.

Howie, quick, bernie's got girls

Trapped in the revolving door!

He's going for my record!

Come on, rich.

You don't want to miss this!

Oh, and wear your fez, buddy.

What about the stewardess?

Guess I'm gonna have to cancel my flight.

Yeah, I'm going to a banquet with my buddy.

Hey, how about this, bobby?

I'm right up here with the grand pooh

-Bah.

What do you think of that?

Aahh!



-Yay!

-Food fight!



-Yay!

-Oh, yeah!



-Yay!

-Food fight!

Hey!

What's the matter?

[Silence]

Nothing, nothing at all.

It's all right.

Go ahead. T

-Take a sh*t.

I mean, t

-There's nothing wrong.

He can take it.



-No, it's all right.

-No, go ahead, richard.

It's allowed, it's in the bylaws.

What's wrong with this guy?

You're a dud.

Ooh!

You

-

- You asked for it, bucko!

Aaaah!

Aaaaah!

Aaaah!

I'm

-

- I'm sorry.

Oh, you will be.

My son is a lawyer.

Ooh!

[Taps glass]

All right, all right, everybody.

Howard, in appreciation for all the wonderful work

You've done for the brothers at the leopard lodge,

Well, here's just a little token of that appreciation.

Gentleman, if you please would.

What a bunch of guys!

[Drum roll]

[Racy music plays]

[Cheering]

[Cheering continues]



-Yeah!

-Here we go!

[In singsong voice] hi there, grand pooh

-Bah!

Say please.

Please.

Pretty please with sugar on it.

Pretty please with sugar on it.

Now, open your mouth, here comes the train.

Choo choo choo choo choo choo

Choo choo choo!

[Cheering]

Okay, all the single men line up for a kiss

From the cake girl.

Dad, you're married.

Oh, I forgot. But I'm not dead.

Dad. Dad?

You go, you go.

I'll watch.

How about that kiss, huh?!

Hey, young cunningham, you better get over here

Before junior wears her out.

Yeah, let's see the son of the grand pooh

-Bah

Do his stuff.

Oh, no, no, i...

I never kiss on the first convention.

He's afraid. Ah, I'll bet he's afraid.

Chicken!

[Clucking]

Look, fellas, fellas,

Richard's just not in the mood, that's all.

[All booing]

All right, guys!

Look, let's have some real fun

-

-

Let's go outside and stop traffic, huh?!

[Cheering]

Do you want to come along?

No, I think I'll just stay in here.

Boy, they really made a mess

Here for you, didn't they?

Do you think anybody would mind

If I sat down for a moment

And caught my breath?

Oh, of course not.

No, take a seat.

Oh, thank you.

There you go.

Whew!

Do you, uh, pop up out of cakes often?

Oh, not that often. I do it for extra money.

See, I'm studying creative writing

In night school.

I'm a journalism major.

Oh.

Matter of fact,

I've brought some of my articles

To show the people at the chicago tribune.

And I thought, I don't know,

I'll take a sh*t.

You wouldn't be interested in reading any of them, would you?

I'd love to.

Uh, they're up in my room.

I don't mind. Let's go.



-Let's go.

-Okay.

Where are you going, richard?

Oh, excuse me,

Dad, could I borrow the key to the room.

I just want to show her

Some of the articles that I've written.

You're

-

- You're gonna take this girl upstairs?

Yeah, do you mind?

No, I don't mind.

Here, have a good time, buddy.

Thanks.

I, uh, wrote an article on the cold w*r,

I even quoted a russian.

You didn't?

Two, actually.

Ha ha ha! Hey, how about that, howie?

Your kid and the cake girl. Ring

-A

-Ding

-Ding!

Donald, why don't you get lost?

Good idea.

Hide your eyes, count to .

Come on, junior.

And to think, he's a doctor.

Hey, howie, how's the convention going?

Hi, guys. It's fine.

I'm just taking a quiet, little break.

Why aren't you with the other guys?

They're outside wrapping the hotel in toilet paper.

Well, my heart just wasn't in it.

Where's rich?

Richard is upstairs with a girl who jumped out of that cake.

No?!

Way to go, rich!

He's reading her his newspaper articles

Up in the room.

[Sarcastically] sure, he is!

Okay, howie, when you see rich,

If he ever comes down,

Tell him we'll be at the peppermint lounge

With the girls, okay?



-Yeah, I will.

-See ya.

Have fun.

Hey, fellas, wait a minute.

I want to talk to you.

No, you two, come here.

Run out of sneezing powder?

No, this is

-

- I've got a real problem.



-Sit down, will you?

-Sure.

You've got a problem?

You see...

I trust richie, and I know he's a good kid.

But it just doesn't seem right for me, as a father,

To hand him a key to a hotel room,

Send him upstairs, and tell him to have a good time

With a girl who jumps out of cakes.

Well, if it bothers you so much, why'd you do it?

Yeah?

Because I wanted so much for us to be good buddies.

You know that me and my dad

Are great buddies, right?

Dad and I joke around all the time,

But we hardly ever talk about anything serious.

And when I have to, it's very difficult for me to even approach him.

The first time I asked him a question about sex, he giggled.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Like that.

You know, mr. C,

I have a strange relationship

With my dad, too.

I told him I had a problem once,

And he said we'd talk later.

That was eight years ago.

Face it, mr. C, you are a great father.

That's right.

Thanks, fellas.

Anytime, mr. C.

Hey, pots, we better get going

-

-

The stewardesses are waiting.

All right!

You know, you really write well.

Wow, thank you, thank you.

I wrote something about jumping out of cakes.

Oh.

See, I was at this convention

Where I had to kiss all the guys.

But this time, they didn't line up,

So I had to sit on their laps and kiss 'em.

Well, like this.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, no, no, it's all right.

[Howard clears throat]

[Speaking loudly] oh, my goodness,

I dropped my key.

Wherever could it be?

Ah, here it is.

And, oh, goody, it just fits into the lock.

Oh, goody, it fits.

Oh, excuse me,

I thought you'd be finished

With the articles by now.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt, I'll just

-

-

Oh, you weren't interrupting. I was just leaving.

Oh, wait a minute, margo.

I'm sorry about this.

It was nice meeting you.

Thanks.

If you come back next year,

Maybe I'll finish my story.

Bye.

Bye.

She seems like a nice girl.

She's very nice, dad!

You knew that we were up here. How could you do this?

Well, richard, I didn't bust in on you.

Oh, you didn't bust in, but [clears throat]

Outside the door is as bad as busting in.

Oh, just forget it, all right?

Just forget it.

You know...

You're right.

I wasn't a buddy.

I came running upstairs here like a father.

But I got to tell you, richard,

That I am not cut out to be a buddy with you

The way donald is with junior.

I'm sorry.

Who would want to be like them?

Dad, let me tell you something.

Donald and junior have to be buddies

-

-

Nobody else can stand them.

You're right there.

Just know that we've got something

A whole lot better than they have.

You really think so?

Aw, dad.

Look, all I can remember is...

My whole life

Any time that I've been confused

Or a little down maybe, like

-

-

Remember the time we were playing

That championship basketball game?

I blew that free throw.

We lost the whole thing, huh?

Well, you were right there.

You were right by my side.

You even offered me a lifesaver.

Yeah, peppermint.

See, all those times, I didn't need a buddy,

I needed a father.

And that's what you were to me.

Besides, who'd want to have an old buddy

When they could have a perfect father?

Listen, richard, I sure would love

To pull just one buddy

-Buddy prank

Before we go home.

You've got it, dad.

All right, what's it gonna be,

Whatcha got in mind?



-See this?

-Yeah.

That's the key to donald and junior's room.

What do you say we go in there

And throw all their luggage out the window, huh?

Yeeaahh!

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪

♪ Goodbye, gray sky hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothin' can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪



-♪ Happy and free ♪

-♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪



-♪ Share them with me ♪

-♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪