11x11 - The People vs. The Fonz

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday Happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday Happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday Happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes My cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪



-♪ Goodbye, gray sky Hello, blue ♪

-♪ Hello, blue ♪



-♪ There's nothin' can hold me When I hold you ♪

-♪ Hold you ♪

♪ Feels so right It can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' All week long ♪

[saxophone solo]

♪ Sunday, Monday Happy days ♪



-♪ Tuesday, Wednesday Happy days ♪

-♪ Whoa, whoa, ooh ♪



-♪ Thursday, Friday Happy days ♪

-♪ Whoa, whoa, ooh ♪

♪ Saturday ♪

♪ What a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪♪

Mickey, you were told not to hang around the hallways.

Hi, Ms. Friedman. I'm just getting my books.

Okay, well, get to class.

Yeah, whatever you say.

Ah, bingo!

Nothing. This always happens to me when I steal late in the day.

Why don't you try eight to the left?



-Eight to the left. Thanks.

-Yeah. Yeah.

Mr. Fonzarelli?

Somebody better be trapped in there,

or you're in deep trouble.

Yeah, well, what are you going to do about it?

Today, I'm going to be a teacher.

But one day, you're going to graduate,

and I'm gonna be there with a present.

Brain surgery. No anesthesia.

I'll take care of it. Fonzie?

Aw, come on, not now.

I can't do anything. You see, I'm motivating

Mickey here to join the human race.

Fonzie, you've got to get down to the football field.

The driver's ed class is playing chicken

with the marching band again.

You know you're lucky there's no such thing

as spreading me out too thin.



-Thanks.

-And you...

you're very lucky that all your moving parts are still moving.



-I get your message.

-You'd better. Good choice.

Well, yes, Mr. MacKenzie,

the fact that your son, a straight

-A student,

was sent here to Patton High

might be interpreted as an administrative error,

but we prefer to see it as a stroke of fate.



-Yes.

-That wouldn't be

because he's been averaging points a game

for the basketball team, would it?

Is stretch on the team?

Dennis!



-Can I help you, Mickey?

-Yes. Come here.

This is where you pay me a dollar,

or else, I b*at your face in.

I haven't got a dollar.

Oh, that's good. I need the exercise.

Help! Stop it! Ow! Help! Help!



-Help!

-Oh! [chuckles]

That must be the drama class.

They're rehearsing Uncle Tom's Cabin.

[grunts]

Well, I see my next appointment has arrived.

Joanie, why don't you take Mr. MacKenzie to the cafeteria

for a complimentary Danish, huh?

Oh, yes, yes.

Mr. MacKenzie, do you know how many Patton students

have gone on to Ivy League colleges?



-No.

-Good.

What is the meaning of this?

Mr. Phillips, me and Dennis were playing outside,

and Fonzarelli slugged me.

Mr. Fonzarelli? No!

Yeah, he's been after me all year.

Hey, put your mouth on hold, huh?

Get down to the nurse.

And when you're down there, you stay away from Dennis, do you understand me?

You know, Mr. Phillips, I know my rights on this.

I'm going to report this to the school board.

And you're going to live to regret this.

[mockingly] "And you're going to live to regret this."

Get out of here, you slimeball.



-Fonz.

-Yeah?

What is going on around here, huh?

Tell me, what just happened?

Well, I was walking down the hall, and I see Mickey

playing with Dennis's head like he was Mr. Potato Head.

So, you know, I just took care of it.

You hit him?

I did what I had to do.

Fonzie, we are not allowed to hit students,

unless it's in self

-defense.

Now, were you in any danger?

Eh...

Look, I'm sorry, pal, but I am required by law

to fill out a report with the school board.

You know what, Mr. Perfect? Here, make the phone call.

I could deal with a little slap on my wrist, all right?

Fonz, I don't think you understand what's at stake here.

If you hit a kid, they're going to fire you.



-Oh, come on. I can't believe that.

-Yes!

You mean that kid can destroy property and people, and I get fired?

All right, look, Fonz, just tell me right now

you didn't hit him. I'll believe you.

I can't do that.

I've got to make the call.

Go ahead, make the call.

[Howard] Fonzie, we just want you to know

that no matter how the school board rules,

we're behind you all the way.

We believe in your innocence

no matter how guilty you may be.

What if by... what if by some travesty of justice, you lose, Fonz?

I'm working on a plan to blast you out of jail, all right?

You're talking jail already? Now you're talking jail?

Chachi, this is a school board hearing.

All they can do is fire him.

Then they'll send him to a criminal court,

and then they'll send him to jail.

Hey, you know what?

I just want to thank you people very, very much

for cheering me up.

Good news.

Yeah, what happened? Mickey dropped his charges?

No, I'm going to defend you.

Now, there's logic.

The man who turns me in is now gonna defend me.

Uh, hey, Fonz, listen, don't worry about it.

You know, I got a B plus in debating at Yale.

It could have been an A

if I could have just talked the teacher into it.

[gavel pounds]

All right.

Will you take your seats?

I want to look organized.

On behalf of the local school board,

I call this hearing to order.

Mr. Arthur Fonzarelli is charged with striking Mickey Varna.

Ha!

We don't "ha" here.

Mr. Smith, you may call your first witness.

I'd like to call my client, Mickey Varna.

Now, Mickey, will you tell us exactly what happened

in the hallway of Patton High School

last Tuesday, the th?

Sure. It'd be my pleasure.

I was late getting to school that day,

and I was putting my books in my locker.

Mickey, I've been looking all over for you.

Oh, I went to visit my grandmother at the hospital,

and I was there, you know, so I gave some blood.

Do you have time to give me another wrestling lesson?

Oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to be late for Ms. Cunningham's class.

Well, me neither, but if that bully, Mr. Fonzarelli,

picks on me again, I want to be able to defend myself.

Okay, Dennis, but I despise v*olence.

I'll only show you this if you use it in self

-defense.

Okay? Hold the apple. Okay.

What you do is you sneak up on them and grab them, and you wrench them.

I'm not hurting you, am I? And pull, and pull, and wrench.

All right, you lowlifes, you're fighting again, huh?

We weren't fighting, Mr. Fonzarelli!

Mickey here was just showing me another wrestling hold.

And I say you were fighting.

See, Mr. Phillips is going to believe me

because he's too much of a sap to say anything different.

It's not very nice calling Mr. Phillips a sap.

You know, he's a conscientious administrator,

and on top of that, he's a pretty snappy dre

-

-

And you know what?

When I get him fired out of here

on a trumped

-up morals charge, I will be principal,

and you will be very sorry.

Come on, give me a good reason.

Give me a good reason to b*at your brains in.



-No, Mr. Fonzarelli. I could never hit a teacher.

-Come on!

I have way too much respect.

Is that true?

Hey, then, respect this!

[grunts]

You're a liar!

Come here! Talk to me!



-Talk to my fist, right here! Come on!

-Fonzie, come on!

Another example of this man's animal nature!

All right, that's it for you.

Fonz, come on!

[Alexander] Mr. Fonzarelli, you're prejudicing this court

to your own detriment!

Well, at least somebody's accomplishing something here.

Thank you, Mickey. That will be enough.



-Uh, Mr. Phillips?

-[Roger] Yes?

You may call your witness.

Oh, thank you.

I'd like to call Dennis Morton.

Dennis.

This is where I start earning my fee.



-Uh, Rog?

-[Roger] Yeah?

You don't get a fee.

I know. But if I did, this is where I'd start earning it.



-Hello, Dennis.

-Hi.



-How are you doing?

-Fine.

Dennis, was Mickey really giving you a wrestling lesson?

No, he was b*ating me up because I wouldn't give him a dollar.

Your Honor, I concede that my client

was guilty of slight reality augmentation.

Does that have anything to do with lying?

It's very close.

But that still doesn't change the fact that Mr. Fonzarelli

brutally b*at a student, a direct violation of school code.

All right, I'll take care of this.

Dennis, this is very important now.

Did you see Mr. Fonzarelli hit Mickey?

No, I just assumed he did it.

You just assumed? You were making an assumption?

We're concerned with the facts here.

I'm asking you if you actually saw Mr. Fonzarelli strike Mickey.

Well, no. My head was shoved in a locker.

[Roger] Thank you very much, Dennis. Oh, uh, one last thing.

To the best of your recollection,

do you recall Mr. Fonzarelli calling me a sap?

No, sir, he didn't.

Did you get that?

Thank you very much, Dennis.

Well, looks like we've got them on the run now, Fonz.

It's just your word against Mickey's.

I'd like to call Arthur Fonzarelli

-

-

Uh, let's cancel that call, all right?

I don't want to go up there. I'd rather I didn't.



-Mr. Phillips, could we get on with this?

-[Roger] Yeah?

I must remind you that we don't validate parking.

Oh! I'll be right back, Marion. I've got to move the car.

I call Arthur Fonzarelli.

[mouthing] Shh! Mom!

I asked you not to do this.

Mr. Fonzarelli, would you be so kind as to tell the court

your version of the incident at Patton High?

I stand on the fifth commandment.

Mr. Fonzarelli, I think you mean the Fifth Amendment.

Amendment, commandment, what's the difference?

I have the right not to incinerate myself.

Fonzie, what are you doing?

I told you, I didn't want to be up here.

Mr. Fonzarelli, I respect your right not to speak,

but tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to make a judgment,

and based on what I've heard so far,

you are what we call in the legal profession

"dead meat."

Hey, good morning, breakfast clubbers. How do?

Wow. Toast, my favorite kind of bread.

You're certainly chipper this morning.

Have you forgotten about the hearing?

What?

Do the words "dead meat" ring a bell?

Oh, that, that, that.

Oh, yeah, I got everything taken care of.

See? I resigned. Mrs. C, do you have any jam?

[Chachi] You're quitting?

You're turning tail, you're going belly up?

I got my reasons for what I'm doing.

Is that right? Name one.



-Uh

-uh, jam first.

-Oh, yes, here, Arthur.

Oh, thanks very much.



-Okay, here's a very good one, okay?

-Yeah.

Being dean of boys happens to get in the way

of my leisure life.

Fonzie, you're full of it!

Joanie.

Hey, that's very fine talk.

Do you use that mouth when you teach?

You love that job, admit it.

Okay, Joanie, I admit it.

I love that job.

Going down there every day makes me proud.

Being dean of boys is like the greatest thing

that ever happened to me, but so what?

So, what's the point

that one lousy jerk can take it all away from me?

The point is, you ought to fight for it.

No good would come of that.

Well, if you won't stand up for yourself, we will.



-That's right.

-Well, how? What can we do?

When I was a kid, when I was a kid, I saw this episode

of The Defenders, right, where this guy wouldn't testify for himself.

So E.G. Marshall got his friends to say

how he couldn't possibly have committed the crime.

Did he win?

I don't know.

My mom sent me to bed before the jury came back.

I saw that show. He did win.

And then his wife left him and he k*lled himself.

That's why we watch comedies.

[Howard] Never mind, Marion.

The point is that it worked,

and we're not going to let you resign

until we've had our say.

Once they've heard us, they're going to know

what kind of a man you really are.

You mean after everything you heard, you still believe me?



-Of course we believe in you, Arthur.

-[Joanie] Yeah.

Hey, I'm deeply touched.

I just wish that I could explain it, but I can't.

You don't have to.

Come on, everybody, let's get going.



-[Marion] Come on, everybody. Come on.

-[Joanie] Oh, good.

Rub it in like that.

Mrs. Cunningham, you're a lovely woman,

and I really appreciate your tip on how to get water rings

out of coffee tables, but would you please confine

your testimony to the case at hand?

Well, all I have to say is that

Arthur Fonzarelli is just the finest young man I know,



-besides Richie.

-That's her son.

He's in California.

If Richard were here, I'm sure he would agree with me

that Arthur Fonzarelli is so honest and so compassionate

and so dedicated, young man.

He couldn't possibly have hit that slimy, little runt over there.

Well, thank you, Mrs. Cunningham.

For my final character witness, I'd like to call Charles Arcola.

Well, Charles,

how long have you known Mr. Fonzarelli?

All my life.

Mm. Well, perhaps you could shed some light

as to what sort of influence Mr. Fonzarelli has had on you.

A very positive one.

When Fonzie caught me cheating on my homework,

I'll never forget this,

he sat me down and told me I was only cheating myself.

Yes.

And that stopped you from cheating?

Oh, yes.

He's a fine person,

and we're all the better for having known him.

[Roger exhales]

Thank you, Mr. Arcola.

Your witness.

Mr. Arcola, have you ever seen Mr. Fonzarelli

hit another person?

Well, you know, that covers a lot of ground.

Well, just how many people has he hit? , , ?

Oh, come on, that's ridiculous.



-Five hundred?

-That's a ball park figure.

Come on, that was years ago.

Come on, he hasn't hit anybody in a long time.



-Is that so?

-Yes.

Is that so?

Just last month,

didn't Mr. Fonzarelli intentionally punch

Mr. Howard Cunningham in a hotel room?

Oh, no. Wait a minute, I object.

That was an accident.

He meant to hit the other guy.

Thank you, sir.

Boy, is this guy shrewd.

[counsel] Mr. Arcola, thank you for your testimony.

No further question.

Well, I have one further answer. Fonzie didn't hit that kid.

[Alexander] Thank you for your opinion.

I don't understand. It worked on The Defenders.

Mr. Phillips, do you wish to call any more character witnesses?

Or do you think you've done enough damage?

No more witnesses. I'm finished.

Very well, then I am prepared to make a judgment.

Mr. Fonzarelli.

Are you aware of the gravity of the charges against you?

Yes, I am.

And you're still unwilling to defend your action?

Yes, I won't.

Well, Mr. Fonzarelli, if you're not willing to defend your actions,

then I don't see where I have any other choice.

I'm going to have to rule against you.

[Mrs. Friedman] Wait.

Wait, I'll tell you what really happened.

Uh, you don't want to listen to her.

This lady doesn't know anything, okay?

Yes, I do.

I'm Mrs. Friedman, history teacher at Patton,

and I saw the whole thing.

Well, if that's true, Mrs. Friedman,

then why didn't you come forward sooner?

Well, I tried, but Mr. Fonzarelli didn't want me to.

Intimidating the witness!

Another example of Mr. Fonzarelli's strong

-arm tactics!

How would you like a strong arm right up your nose?

No, thank you.

Sir, uh, this is a very fine teacher,

but a history teacher.

She don't know much after World w*r II, you know.

Yes, well, I'll be the judge of that.

You may tell your story, Mrs. Friedman,

and you needn't be afraid of Mr. Fonzarelli.

Well, I was on Hall Duty that day,

and I don't really know

how the fight started, but when I got there...



-Help!

-You know, this happens to you



-every day you don't bring your dollar, Dennis!

-Help! Help!

[Fonzie] What's going on here?



-What is going on here? Dennis. Dennis.

-[Mickey grunts]

Easy, watch your head.

Come on, Dennis.

What happened?

All right, look at me. Can you see me?



-Yeah.

-Are you all right?



-Yeah.

-Go to the nurse.

No, I'm fine, Mr. Bickley.

Go to the nurse, will ya?

You look white as a ghost. What's wrong with you?

Mr. Fonzarelli, I just hit a student. I can't believe it!

What can't you believe?

You hit a student, you saved a student. Big deal.

No, no, you don't understand.

Teachers get fired for what I just did.



-Oh, come on!

-No, really.

If I lose my job, I don't know what I'll do.

I've got three kids to support.

You're not going to lose your job.

I will take care of this. Don't worry.

Listen, this is what you're going to do.

Come on, you're going to go down there to the teachers' lounge,

you're going to get yourself a cup of coffee,

you're going to calm down, first of all,

and you will not mention this to anybody.

Repeat that to me.

I will not mention this to anybody.

Mickey never knew who hit him.

Mr. Fonzarelli took the blame,

and he's been protecting me ever since.

Thank you, Mr. Fonzarelli.

You're one of a kind.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you telling me I was hit by a girl?

No, clobbered, Mickey. You were clobbered by a girl.

Mr. Fonzarelli, are you now willing

to end your silence in this matter?

Yes, I am.

Not only does Mrs. Friedman tell the truth,

she also carries an amazing karate punch. [chuckles]

Well, in light of Mrs. Friedman's testimony,

I dismiss all charges against Mr. Fonzarelli.

Ha! I did it!

[cheering]

Now I must consider whether or not

to take action against Mrs. Friedman.

Wait, listen, could I just butt in here for a minute,

you know, and overstep my bounds a little bit, okay?

Yes, Mrs. Friedman technically hit a student,

but when she hit the student,

he wasn't being a student at the time.

What was he being?

He was being a hoodlum.

He was b*ating somebody up. He was stealing.

Now, see, teaching at Patton High is tough enough.

But thank goodness we got teachers

who are willing to teach, and we've got students like Dennis

who are willing to learn, you understand?

So I say,

who do you want to run your schools,

the teachers and the students

or little creep

-balls like this?

I'll tell you something, it is time

that we put a stop to the tyranny of creeps.

[cheering]

[Alexander] Mrs. Friedman, on behalf of the school board,

I hope you have a long and happy career as a teacher

in our school system.

Yes.

This hearing is adjourned.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I've always wanted to do that.

Could I just

-

- One time?

Oh, thank you.

[cheering, applause]



-♪ Goodbye, gray sky Hello, blue ♪

-♪ Hello, blue ♪



-♪ 'Cause nothin' can hold me When I hold you ♪

-♪ When I hold you ♪

♪ Feels so right It can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' All week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪♪