01x09 - That's Entertainment

[bunniefuu]

This is great chicken, darling.

Well, thank you.

We should do this more often.

It's fun.

Webster, that dog
seems to like you.

Do you like him?

He's OK, I guess.

So why do you keep petting him?

I don't have a napkin.

THEME SONG: Set in my ways,
losing track of the days.

Only me to live for.

Had no need to give
more than I wanted to.

Spending my time just
holding the line,

never getting caught up.

Love was never brought up.

It's not the thing to do.

Woo, it was you.

Then came you.

You made me leap
without taking a look.

Ooh-ooh, it was you.

Then came you.

You reeled me right in
line, sinker, and hook.

Never thought forever
was the best I could do.

Then came you.

It was you and me and you.

Then came you.

It was you and me and you.

It was you and me,
and then came you.

[SINGING] Yes, there were
times, I'm sure you knew,

when I bit off more
than I could chew.

But through it all,
when there was doubt,

I ate it up... what did
I do after I ate it up?

[SINGING] You spit it out.

[SINGING] And spit it out.

And did it my way.

Bravo, bravo.

You really think
I was good, ma'am?

-Are you kidding?
You were terrific.

They're all going to
love you at school.

I'm not sure.

I'm a little nervous.

- This is my first talent show.
- Yeah.

I know how you feel.

You do?

Sure.

Oh, I remember how nervous I
was at my first talent show.

There I was, waiting in
the wings, me and Sophie.

Was Sophie your partner?

My accordion.

You played the accordion?

Yes.

I was part of an all-girl
band headed by Mrs. Gittens.

We were known as Florabelle
Gittens' Accordion Kittens.

[SINGING] Lady of
Spain, I adore you.

[LAUGHING]

Well, you... you had to be there.

Oh, listen, you better hurry.
You're gonna be late.

OK, let's see if
I have everything.

Bow tie.

KATHERINE: Mhm.

Sheet music.

There we go.

Mustache.

Mustache?

In case they need someone older.

Oh, I love a man
who's always prepared.

Bye, ma'am.

Bye.

Good luck.

You're supposed to
say "Break a leg."

I don't want you to break a leg.

That's why you say that.

Oh, you show folk,
honest to gosh!

[LAUGHS]

Oh, wait a minute!

- Whoop!
- Thanks.

[SIGH] Alone.

Alone at last.

Now I can relax.

[EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGH]

And up!

Hello my darling!

Well, how was your day today?

George, you're
three hours early.

-You're gorgeous.
KATHERINE: Ugh.

OK, let's tidy up this
place a little bit.

What do you say?

This was supposed
to be my day off.

What would you like
me to do with this?

Why don't you stuff it...

Right behind this pillow?

What a wonderful idea, darling.

OK.

KATHERINE: OK, George,
who is it this time?

Who's what?

Every time you invite a friend
of yours over for dinner,

you come running in
here, acting like this.

Like what?

Like someone put
Bengay in your shorts.

[DOORBELL]

Ah, that'll be the doorbell.

Oh no!

Now?

Oh, George, why do
you do this to me.

Wait 'til you see who it is.

I don't care who it is.

He's coming in here,
having one drink,

and then he's out
of here, understand?

- Yes, my darling.
- Fine.

Ben.

[LAUGHING] Hi, George.

GEORGE: Come on in.

Thank you.

[CLEARING THROAT] Ben,
this is my wife, Katherine.

Katherine.

Hi.

Hello.

Uh, George, could I
have a word with you?

Certainly.

Excuse me, Ben.

Sure.

George, that's Ben Vereen.

I know that.

You do know that.

Fine.

So George tells me
you're Ben Vereen.

[LAUGHING]

Uh, yes, yes.

Oh, aren't you sweet?

But you know, you
really shouldn't have.

[GASP] Oh, look, George, wire!

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

Um, [CLEARS THROAT]
actually, that's for Webster.

Oh. Uh, oh, Webster.

You know Webster?

Sure, since he was a baby.

Yeah, Ben and... and Webster's
mom went to school together.

KATHERINE: Oh!

And by the way, where
is the little guy?

I'd love to see him.

Oh, he's auditioning
for a school talent show.

Talent show? KATHERINE: Yeah.

Is that right?

Yeah.

[LAUGHING] That's great.

Oh, why don't you sit down?

He won't be home for hours.

George, will you get
us some tea biscuits?

Yes, certainly.

Well, you know, actually,
um, I haven't got time.

I've got to get
back to rehearsal.

Yeah, Ben's doing a TV
benefit for homeless children

this weekend. Yes.

-Oh.
[DOORBELL]

Ah.

Don't go away.

Busy day.

- Jerry, why are you here?
- Katherine.

- I'm supposed to be...
- I know, I know, I know.

You're taking the day off.

But as your secretary, I
must insist on your carrying

your share of the workload.

Now these are stamped,
approved, but unsigned.

These are stamped,
unapproved, and unsigned.

And these are unimportant.

Hello.

Hi.

Katherine, could I speak to you?

Would you excuse me?

Sure, sure.

Katherine, that's Ben Vereen.

Yes, I know that.

You do know that? Fine.

So Katherine tells
me you're Ben Vereen.

Uh, yes, yes I am.

May I say that you're
one of my biggest fans.

-Yeah?
Well, gee, I'm really glad.

- Yeah? Well, gee, I'm really glad. Well, gee, I'm really glad.
- Did you hear that?

- Well, gee, I'm really glad.
- Did you hear that?

He's glad, and
this man's a star.

Uh, look.

I... I gotta go.

I really gotta go.

Webster will be so disappointed.

GEORGE: Wait a minute, Ben.

Uh, how long are you
gonna be in town?

'Til Sunday morning.

Well, that's perfect.

Webster's talent show
is Saturday night.

Maybe you could surprise him.

What a wonderful idea.

Yeah, you think so?

Yes, and I don't know what
anybody's talking about.

I think it's a smashing idea.

Remember now, we're going
to surprise him, right?

- Right.
- OK.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Let it be a surprise.

What do I mean by that, exactly?

Um, look, I... I, um...
I got... I gotta run.

I'll call you later, OK?

Oh, yes.

Yes, we'll call you later.

And remember, mum is the word.

Jerry, where are you going?

Well, I mean, what
about all these papers?

Well, what am I, a sl*ve?

What... what is it with you?

Work, work, work, work work.
Uh, do you need a lift?

No, no.

- I... I have a car.
- Oh, good.

You can give me a lift.

Oh, good.

You know, there's a clock
in London named after you.

Hi, Webster.

What, no hello?

Uh, hello.

Come here.

How did the audition go?

Not too good.

I'm not in it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

What do you mean,
you're not in it?

I guess I wasn't good enough.

Are you OK about this?

Yeah.

Sure.

Fine.

See ya.

George, I don't believe it.

How could he not be in the show?

Well, maybe the other
kids were better.

Well... I mean, everybody
deserves a shot.

We're not talking Broadway here.

We're talking elementary school.

Who could he be up
against, Wayne Newton?

[SIGH]

Yeah, he must be
very disappointed.

Oh, I'd be devastated.

Me too.

[SIGH] And I'm not going
to take this lying down.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna open up
a can of tuna fish.

- Boy, when the going gets tough.
- Well, I'm nervous.

Tuna fish calms me down.

Uh, why did we just do that?

I can't calm down.

This is bigger than tuna fish.

This is alarming.

You know what I
think I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go down there
and give that teacher

a piece of my mind.

I don't think you
can afford to do that.

- That's better than last time.
- No, no, no, no.

That's not what I mean.

What I mean is, I don't think
that we should interfere.

What do you mean, interfere...
You interfered first.

I did not interfere.

Webster wanted to
do that audition.

All I was, was merely
encouraging him.

Well, I'm merely
going to go down there

and encourage that instructor
to put him in the show.

Good luck.

[SINGING] Those were
the days, my friend.

Katherine, you
would've loved me.

Ah. Really?

Yes, sir.

All the way down
there, I kept saying,

you're going to give that
teacher a piece of your mind.

That's what I kept saying.

And what did he
say when you said

what you'd been
saying to yourself?

Nothing. He wasn't there.

- So I went bowling.
- Oh.

And do you know who
I went bowling with?

Ben.

Ben bowls?

Ben Vereen.

And I told him what...
What... what they said.

And boy, was he mad.

He kept saying, how
can they do that?

That kid's got more talent
than any of those kids.

Boy, was he mad, Katherine.

Hoo!

So, uh, Ben is going
to use his influence,

and he's going to
call up the teachers

and give them a
piece of his mind.

Better.

Webster, what would you say that
instead of doing that talent

show Saturday night,
that you were going

to be on national
television with Ben Vereen?

Oh, George, that's wonderful!

Ben?

Ben's in town?

Yep, he's in town, and he
wants you to be on his show.

[MUMBLING]

He's speechless, darling.

I think he's in shock.

Well, he should be in shock.

You don't get news like this
every day, right, huh, huh?

Fine, thank you.

I think we'll leave you
alone to digest all of this.

Oh, it's so wonderful.

I am so happy for you, champ.

Wow.

Ben Vereen.

Hoo!

I'm really happy for you, too.

I'd really be happier
if it were me, but.

Oh.

What's the matter, Webster?

I can't go on TV
with Ben Vereen.

Why not?

I couldn't even make
the school's talent show.

Look, I'm only seven, but I
think this is a better gig.

Maxine, you don't understand.

It's not that I didn't
do good at the audition.

I didn't do anything.

What do you mean?

Max, when I got
up on that stage,

something happened to me.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't make a sound.

You mean you were scared?

I mean I froze.

[TOGETHER] Town!

GEORGE: Yay!

All right.

[LAUGHING] All right.

I'm telling you,
this kid's going

to k*ll them tomorrow night.

He sure is.

Uh, George, I have
something I've got to say.

Listen, I have something
I want to say to you.

You're gonna be terrific.

I just wish that your
mom and dad were here

to... to share this
moment with us.

Thanks, George.

Uh, Ben...

Whoa, wait, wait, wait.

Whoa, man, look, uh, [SIGH] it's
I who should be thanking you,

Webster.
You don't have to thank me.

You see, you're gonna be
raising a lot of money

for those homeless kids tomorrow
night, and, well, thank you.

Uh, I think I'll...

[DOORBELL]

Answer the door.

And I'll get the lemonade.

Good idea.

Hi, Ms. Easton.

Hi, Webster.

Bye, Ms. Easton.

Katherine, I hope I'm
not interrupting anything,

but I was just on my way
down to the laundry room

to drop a load, and... well,
I thought I'd stop and see

if you had anything
to fluff and fold.

- Hello.
- Hello.

KATHERINE: Well, Trudy,
I think we're all

fluffed and folded
for the week, thanks.

Well, I was just
being a good neighbor.

Katherine, could I speak
to you for a moment?

Certainly.

Will you excuse me?

I know, I know.

Katherine, that's Ben Vereen.

Yes, I know that.

You do know that?

- Mhm.
- Fine.

Katherine tells me
you're Ben Vereen.

Yes.

- Yes, I am.
- Oh, oh.

I loved everything
you've ever done.

Yes. Thanks.

That's wonderful.

And everything you'll ever do.

That's wonderful, wonderful.

- Thank you.
- Yes, yes.

Uh, goodbye, George.

Goodbye, Katherine.

Goodbye, Ben.

- [LAUGHS]
- Lemonade.

Come and get it.

Sounds great to me.

George, ma'am, could I
speak to you for a second?

Hey, it's OK.

I, um, you know, I could
use another ice cube.

I know you're proud
of me and everything.

Proud?

Of course we're proud.

You should be proud, too.

I am, but...

You know, we're all
very happy for you.

Is there something
you wanted to say?

I just want to say
I'm... very happy.

KATHERINE: Webster.

We just spoke to Maxine.

Why didn't you tell us?

About what?

How you froze up at
the school audition.

She wasn't supposed to.

She promised.

Why didn't you tell us?

I wanted to tell you,
but I was embarrassed.

And Ben wanted me on his show,
and everyone was proud of me.

And I didn't want
to let you down,

and now I'm gonna be a Popsicle!

KATHERINE: Oh.

I'm so sorry, Webster.

The last thing we wanted to
do is put any pressure on you.

I mean, I froze once.

What if it happens again?

Well, you can just walk
right off the stage,

and... and... and we'll
be here waiting for you.

And know that we'll
always be here for you.

So you want me to try?

No, I want you to do
what you want to do.

But you should know that
whatever you decide to do,

we love you very much.

Thanks.

Hey, trouper!

How we doing?

Well, I was a little nervous,
but I'm... I feel a lot better.

[LAUGHS]

Well, I think we better
leave you show folk alone.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Good luck, sweetheart.

- [CLEARS THROAT] -Good luck, sweetheart.
- Good luck, sweetheart. -Thanks, ma'am.

- [CLEARS THROAT] -Good luck, sweetheart.
- Good luck, Ben. -Hey, thank you, thank you.

- Good luck, Ben.
- Hey, thank you, thank you.

- You look fabulous.
- Well, thank you, dear.

Enjoy the show.

Break a nose, champ.

Heh, a nose?

Uh, Ben?

Hm?

Do you ever get nervous
when you go out there?

Not often.

- Just, um, all the time.
- Really?

Sure.

You know, that... that scary
feeling doesn't just, um,

go away, you know.

Never?

Well... well, not
until your onstage.

Then it goes away?

Like magic.

You know, um, a very
good friend of mine

once said, every time he
want onto the football field,

he felt like an army of
red ants had discovered

a dead horse in his underpants.

That was, until that
football hit the air.

Then all that fear and all the
people just, whew, disappeared.

I bet I know who that man was.

Yeah, who?

George, right?

No, son.

It was your father.

[KNOCKING]

MALE SPEAKER:
Places, Mr. Vereen.

Places, Mr. Long.

-[ENGLISH ACCENT]
Ready, Mr. Long?

Ready, Mr. Vereen.

[LAUGHS] Let's k*ll 'em.

[CHEERING]

Thank you.

Oh, you're too
kind, much too kind.

Ladies and gentlemen,
for my next number,

well, you see,
this next number's

very, very special to me.

Some time ago, when I first
played this very same theater,

they... [LAUGHS] when I played
this theater many y... [LAUGHS]

Excuse me, man.

Um, excuse me, excuse me.

- Uh, can I help you?
- Oh.

Go right ahead.

[LAUGHS] Cute, huh?

Uh, OK, Dave, hit it.

[PIANO PLAYING]

[SINGING] My kind of town.

[SINGING] Chicago is.

[SINGING] My kind of town.

[SINGING] Chicago is.

Wait a minute.

Uh, excuse me, kid.

You obviously don't know
that I like to work alone.

So do I.

You know, I... I'd like to sing
this song for these people.

- Don't they get a vote?
- Wait.

I'll have you know, these people
paid a lot of money to see me.

Why?

You know, the last time
I played this theater,

the lines were
around the corner?

What was playing
around the corner?

That's it.

I didn't come out
here to be insulted.

Where do you usually go?

Young man, did you happen
to see my last TV special?

I hope so.

That's it.

I can stands me no more!

I'm not gonna perform out here
with this person on stage.

Folks, next show 10:30.

Whoa, wait.

Wait, you think you
can do any better?

Hey, I couldn't do worse.

We-e-e-ell.

Ladies and gentlemen,
would you like

to see this, uh, kid
make a fool of himself?

[CHEERING]

I don't know, kid.

Look like this is going
to be your lucky break.

- You mean I have to sing?
- And dance.

In front of all those people?

Well, you say you want
to be in show business.

You gotta start at the bottom.

Well, I came to the right place.

-We'll see about that.
Hit it, Dave.

[PIANO PLAYING]

[SINGING] My kind of town.

[SINGING] Chicago
is my kind of town.

[SINGING] Chicago is
my kind of people, too.

People who smile at you.

[SINGING] And each time I roam,

[SINGING] Chicago
is calling me home.

[SINGING] Chicago is one
town that won't let you down.

It's my kind of town.

- My kind of town.
- Yeah.

Whoa! Whoa!

Come on, kid.

Come on, kid.

We've got them now.

Come on, kid.

Come on, kid.

Come on, kid.

Come on, come on.

[SINGING] And each time I leave,

Chicago is tugging my sleeve.

Chicago is Ron Cey at
third, Chicago is...

[SINGING] Webster and Ben!

Chicago is one town
that won't let you down.

It's my kind of town.

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

Look, you know, I, um... I'm
putting some new material

in my act, and, uh... well,
I'd like your opinion.

My honest opinion?

Your honest opinion.

You won't be mad at me?

And we'll still be
friends no matter what?

No matter what.

No matter what.

[SINGING] Take out the
papers and the trash,

or you won't get
no spending cash.

And when you finish doing
that, bring in the dog

and take out the cat.

Yakety yak.

Don't talk back.

[THEME MUSIC]