01x17 - Secrets of the Night

[bunniefuu]

[calm music]

[grapefruit squirts]

[grapefruit squirts]

[grapefruit squirts]

♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to givemore than I wanted to ♪

♪ Spending my timejust holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ It was you, then came you ♪

♪ You made me leapwithout taking a look ♪

♪ It was you, then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in,line, sinker and hook ♪

♪ Never though foreverwas the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me andyou, then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and meand then came you ♪

[gong clangs]

[instructor screams]

[instructor screams]

[gong clangs]

- Excellent.

[bell rings]

[foreign language]

Today, your performance haselevated me to a higher plane.

[phone rings]

Kuan's Karate.

Look, Mac, yourcheck has bounced.

You will be hearing fromKuan's collection agency.

Oh yeah?

Well, chop this.

[instructor screams]

You, me, relax.

As you know, next timesome of you will be going

for your yellow belt.

Students will be testingwith their partners.

And remember, it is veryimportant for all of you

to practice your techniqueat home this weekend.

[foreign language]

- No, no.

This means class dismissed.

- Yay.

- Boy, we gottapractice our moves.

It's a good thing I'm sleepingover at your house tonight.

I forgot to tell you,something came up.

- What?

- A test.

I'm having a spellingtest tomorrow.

- Webb, tomorrow is Saturday.

- It is?

I mean, it is, but I liketo start studying early.

- Oh, okay.

Well, we still better getsome karate practice in.

I mean, Jimmy's better than me

and Wanda Bibick'sbetter than you.

- Well, looks like we'reboth going to get beat.

- At least I'm not gonnaget beat by a girl.

- Well, maybe it'sbetter than we think.

- See you later, Webbie.

- Then again, whoneeds a yellow belt?

[upbeat music]

- Come on, Katherine.

What makes you thinkkarate's so dangerous?

- Ah-huh, I'm glad youasked that question.

And I quote, "Karate, anoriental art of self-defense,

in which an attacker is disabled

by crippling kicks and punches."

- That's a cheap, sleazy book.

- It's the dictionary.

- Katherine, foryour information,

Karate is aspiritual discipline.

And in Zen it is used toachieve higher consciousness.

- Well, for your information,

in Chicago it's usedto lower kneecaps.

He could get hurt.

- Speaking of he, where is he?

- I don't know.

Probably still sleeping.

- Webb, come on.

Breakfast is ready.

Shake a leg.

[knock on door]

Webb, can I come in?

- No.

- Come on, Webb.

All right, I'm gonnastart counting to 10.



- You gotta guessthe secret password.

- Moose breath.

- The name ofJeffrey Rogers' cat.

- Webb, I'm gonnastart counting again.



The name of Jeffrey Rogers' cat.

- Mr. Bibble.

- God, he's good.

What about his parakeet?

- Webb?

- Okay, his goldfish.

- I'll give you a clue.

It was named after twokids in the third grade.

- 7, 8, 9.

Nine and a half, nineand three quarters, 10.

What are you doing?

- Oh, kids stuff.

You know us kids,always doing our stuff.

Boy, am I hungry.

Come on, George, there'snothing to see in here.

Let's go and eat.

Come on.

[upbeat music]

- Anyone got anythingfor the cleaners?

It's a Saturday pickup.

He'll be here any minute.

- Just my karate uniform.

- Oh, okay.

I'll get it.

- Wait, come back.

You can't go in my room.

Wait.

- What was all that about?

- Well, we promised him,remember three days ago,

that we wouldn't go in his room?

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You promised him.

I didn't promise.

- That's because the yourpart of we was out shopping

at the time, darling.

- Well, the your half ofwe shouldn't have promised

for the me half of we.

- Does this mean?

- Yes, I don't know whatwe're talking about.

- Then it's settled, we'renot gonna go in his room.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You're not going in his room.

I, on the otherhand, am and will.

- Now come on, Katherine.

I mean, he does needa little privacy.

- You'll take careof it , won't you?

- Oh, if anyone messes withthis, I'll chop 'em in half.

Ha, ha.

- Wow.

- Webster, how would youlike to go and have a bath

and you can use my bubbles?

- Okay.

George, can I playwith your rubber ducky?

- No, he's sick.

- George, come on.

Be an adult and share your toys.

- All right, all right.

Here, have the duck.

But don't get his beak wet.

- Thanks, George.

- Come on, George.

- Katherine, I don'tlike doing this.

- I'm concerned.

I'm also a little suspicious.

I mean, why wouldn'the want us in his room?

Oh my gosh.

- What'd you find?

- Well, it's dead andit's in the moth family.

George, come and get it out.

- Katherine, it couldbe his lucky moth.

- Lucky moth?

Must be one ofthose male things.

Oh, look at this.

I had one of these nastylittle things when I was a kid.

- All right, Katherine, come on.

Give it to me.

- It's Snow White andthe Seven Dwarves.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know if you do thisthough, Grumpy looks happy.

- That is Happy.

- It's Happy?

I never could tell 'em apart.

- This is odd.

Where are the sheets?

- Probably in the hamper.

- No, I emptied thehamper this morning.

Now, come to think of it,

I'm missing a fewsets of sheets.

- So in other words,Webster's a linen thief.

- Either that or he ishaving a January white sale.

Oh, here they are.

- Hey, Webster'sdoing his own laundry.

What a kid.

- No, George, there'sanother explanation.

Webster's wetting his bed.

[somber music]

Webster, can wespeak to you please?

- Can't.

Reading the paper.

- Upside down?

Come on, champ, youcan't shut us out.

- Hello?

Webster, if something'sbothering you

then I think weshould talk about it.

- Nothing's bothering me.

I'm fine.

- We found the sheets, Webb.

- Why did you sneak in my room?

- Hey, we didn't sneak.

Honey, we know aboutthe bedwetting,

but we're not upset about it.

- I didn't wet my bed.

Leave me alone.

- Hey.

- Webster.

[somber music]

- This will make themkeep their promise.

It's my room.

It's my bed.

And they're nevercoming in here again.

[knock on door]

Go away.

- It's me, Curtis.

Can I come in?

- You can try.

- I guess the b*mb squaddidn't get here in time.

- It's my fort.

I'm keeping ma'am andGeorge out of here.

I'm mad at them.

- Well, cheer up.

I'm having a sleepover atmy house and you're invited.

- Really?

- It's too bad.

I can't come.

- Why?

- Because Ma'am andGeorge won't let me.

- Why don't we ask them?

- Forget it, okay.

We'll just have another time.

- That's what yousaid last week.

You know, you've beenacting pretty weird lately.

- So I am weird.

You wanna make something of it?

- Hey, I'm notgonna be your friend

if you keep talkingto me like that.

- I don't care.

I don't need any friends.

Don't you worry if you keepit up, you won't have any.

[door slams]

- I know.

- Curtis, come here.

What happened in there?

- Webster's acting crazy.

- Why don't you givehim another chance?

- I don't know.

I'm pretty mad right now.

Maybe root beer floatmight calm me down.

Well, see you.

- Bye.

- What are we gonna do, darling?

- I'm not sure.

Wait, I could call Ellen.

She's a psychologist.

I betcha she couldgive us some advice.

[somber music]

Hi, sweetheart.

Where's Webster?

- Hi, baby.

Hopefully doing his homework.

- Still not talking to us?

- Well, let's justput it that way.

- Leave dinner by the doorand no junkie string beans.

See.

- I talked to his pediatrician

and he doesn't think there'sanything physically wrong

with him, but I'm gonna takehim in for a checkup anyway.

- See, you've beendoing a little research.

- What if I was totell you that some

of the most famous men inhistory were bed wetters?

- Really?

Like who?

- Like who?

- Yeah.

- Like ChristopherColumbus, Beethoven, Freud.

How about Freud?

- Oh, Freud.

Sigmund Freud wet his bed?

- Yeah, and he wasn'teven sleeping at the time.

- Honey, they don't put thingslike that in history books.

- Well, they should.

I mean, other kids shouldbe told that other kids,

famous kids grow up to befamous adults with dry sheets.

- Nice try.

Now Ellen had some good ideas.

- What did she say?

- Well, she said that he is notdeliberately wetting his bed

and that it could be from sometrauma that he's experienced.

- Yeah, like his parents died?

- No, well, maybe, but itcould also be a small trauma.

A peer pressure, too muchhomework, karate class.

- Well, didn't she give youany advice, like things to do?

Things not to do?

- She said that we have tooffer Webster a lot of support

and a lot of nurturing

and that we have to makehim feel comfortable enough

about it so he'll talk to us.

- Yeah.

- And then this.

- What is it?

- This is a system ofpositive reinforcement.

Every time he has a drynight, he gets a gold star.

- So if he gets likefive or six in a row,

maybe we can get him alittle present or something.

- That's right.

How did you know?

- Well, my mom used to do that

so I wouldn't sit onmy brother's face.

[doorbell rings]

- Hi, is Webster home?

- Yeah, come on in, Curtis.

- Hi, Mrs. Papadapolis.

- Curtis, how was the float?

I'm glad you came back.

- It was good.

- Webb, Curtis is here.

- I wanna make up.

Besides, we've got somekarate to practice.

- Hi, Curtis.

- Hi, Webb.

Listen, you wannabe friends again?

- Sure.

- Oh, a puppycalendar and stars.

That's neat.

My mom and dad got thisstuff for my brother.

Only his calendar had bunnies.

Webb, I thought youwere an only child.

- I am.

- No brothers or sisters?

- Nope.

- Then I guess you'rethe bed wetter.

- You told him.

- I didn't.

- You told him everything.

- I didn't, I promise you.

- How could you do this to me?

- I cross my heartand hope to die.

- Wait a minute.

Where are you going?

- To the playground.

- What playground?

In the back.

- Don't you look silly.

You're too old forthis kind of stuff.

- Well, you are too.

- I'm allowed to do it.

I'm a baby.

- No, you aren't.

- George, I wet my bed.

Only babies do that.

- A lot of kids wet thebed but that'll pass.

- You're just tryingto make me feel better.

- Listen, what'shappening to you,

I know it makes you feel badbut that doesn't make you bad.

- Hi, guys.

- You can sit down if you want.

There's room.

- Oh, maybe I'lljust sit on the edge.

All right, all right.

I'm in, I'm in.

- Oh, I just walked Curtis home

and he promised thathe wouldn't tell anyone

about the calendar.

- Why is this happening to me?

- Well, we don't know,

but we're sure gonnatry and find out.

- But you're supposed to know.

- What things are goingon in your life right now?

- Well, I have a mathtest, a spelling test

and a karate contest.

- Whoa, sounds likea lot of tests.

A lot of pressure, huh?

- I guess.

- Well, maybe whenthe tests are over

you won't feel so much pressure.

- You mean, I won'twet my bed anymore.

- Maybe, but see, theimportant thing is

if you can talk about it,then you won't feel so alone.

- Yeah, that's whatmy daddy used to say.

- If you could talkabout it to your parents,

why couldn't you talk to us?

- I was afraid you'd get mad.

You see, my mommy anddaddy, they were used to me

and you guys don'tknow me so well.

- Yeah, but Webster, we'dnever get mad at you for that.

- I'm scared.

- You know something Webster?

I used to be a lot like you.

- You were black?

- No but when you firstcame to live with us,

I was really afraid.

- Of what?

- Of you.

- But I'm just a kid.

- But to somebody who hadnever been a mother before,

suddenly looking after a littleboy was a very scary thing.

- Did you wet your bed?

- Did she wet her bed?

- Did you?

- No, but I was very nervous.

- And then after a while,

I started havingconfidence in mothering

and partly because youwere telling me all

about these new things

like silly putty and fingerpainting and pet frogs.

- And slinky and joy buzzers

and pulling nickelsoutta your hair.

- The point is that if youlet us, we can help you.

- You can?

- Sure.

Well, it may takea little while,

but if we can talk honestlyand work together as a family,

there isn't anythingwe can't do.

Okay?

- Okay.

- And Webb about, you know,me breaking my promise

and going into your room,

well, I'm sorry.

- Does that mean you won'tgo in my room anymore?

- No, it means that I'm notgonna make that promise anymore.

- You lucky I like you guys.

- Oh yeah?

Here, and here's some more.

Can we go home now?

- Okay, but if I flunk my mathtest and my karate contest,

will you still like me?

- Sure, we'll still like you.

- And if I wet my bed again?

- We'll still love you.

And we can changethe sheets together.

Deal?

- Deal.

And could you takeme to Curtis' house?

Because I have topractice my karate.

- We're on our way.

- Are you coming?

- Yeah, in a minute, darling.

- Jump up anddown, the sand out.

There you go.

- Hello.

I'm from thecommissioner's office.

Sand is my game andthis is great sand.

Great sand.

You are to be commended.

Carry on.

[upbeat music]

[gong rings]

- Come on, guys.

You promise five gold stars

and you gimme anypresent I want.

- I look ridiculous.

- The gear is fine.

Position, please.

Let's go Mrs.

Time is money.

[gong rings]

- Okay guys, here's how it goes.

I'll be a little boy on thecorner practicing my karate.

- Very cute, no.

- Oh, he's terrific.

Now what am I supposed to do?

- Ma'am, you're an innocentlady tying her shoes.

Bend over please.

[gong rings]

George, you're amean person who goes

after the ladiestying their shoes.

- I don't think you understand.

You see, this bodyis a lethal w*apon.

I mean I have toregister this body

every time I go into a new town.

- Please.

- Okay.

- Ha!

[upbeat music]

[theme music]