01x20 - More Than a Memory

[bunniefuu]

Web, you better
finish your milk.

Now listen here.

We gotta get one thing straight.

You're the puppet.

I'm the puppeteer.

WEBSTER [VOICEOVER]: Web,
I said finish your milk.

[LAUGHING]

THEME SONG: Set in my ways,
losing track of the days.

Only me to live for.

Had no need to give
more than I wanted to.

Spending my time just
holding the line,

never getting caught up.

Love was never brought up.

It's not the thing to do.

Ooh.

It was you.

Then came you.

You made me leap
without taking a look.

Ooh.

It was you.

Then came you.

You reeled me right in,
line sinker, and hook.

Never thought forever
was the best I could do.

Then came you.

It was you and me and you.

Then came you.

It was you and me and you.

It was you and me
and then came you.

-Beep beep, wet
paint coming through.

Watch your backs.

-Oh, you're wearing
that wonderfully.

-Want to hear my
campaign speech?

I been working on it all day.

If you vote for me
for class president,

I promise no tests
until the ninth grade.

-Uh, I think you may
be promising too much.

-You're right.

I'll make it the sixth.

-Better.

-If you vote for me, when
the teacher's out of the room

and I'm in charge, you can get
noisy and throw spit balls.

And I won't tell on you.

And there'll be
more finger painting

and we can paint Howie Boxer and
we don't have to clean him up.

And that's all.

Thanks.

Webster Long.

-Yay.
-Very good.

-I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

-I'm sorry I'm late.

I ran into traffic.

I ate a pastry.

I brought your tax forms
and my life is over.

EVERYONE: Hi, Jerry.

-Well, I've gotta go
to the you-know-where.

See ya.

-Are you gonna wear a football
jersey to your account?

-For $100 an hour,
Metzer, Fetsen, and Garcia

can sure as hell look
at this football jersey.

Especially Fetsen.

Now, Katherine, will you
please get your coat on?

I'm going a little ornery.

-Ornery?

You think you're ornery.

You don't even know
the meaning of ornery.

-Yes, I do.

It's cranky, only
without the laughs.

-It's like Sebastian
Melnik, III.

-I don't think I
understand that.

-How could you?

Were you voted most
likely to succeed?

-As a matter of fact, I was.

-I wasn't.

-Now there's a bulletin.

Neither was Melnik.

He was voted least
likely to succeed.

I ran into Melnik
this afternoon.

And you know what Mr.
Least Likely is now?

He's MI.

-He's what?

-Melnik industries.

-Oh, you mean the people
that make the lawn mowers.

-Yes.

And the blenders and
the food products,

like Melnik Bread and-- and--
and Melnik Thins and water.

-Wait a minute, wait a minute.

They make water?
-Are you kidding?

As we speak, Sebastian
Melnik is making water.

-Uh, Jerry, Sebastian
Melnik's success

does not mean your failure.

-Katherine, we don't know that.

-I was voted most
likely to succeed.

I had honor society license
plates in high school.

I could park anywhere.

Now look at me.

What am I?

Nothing but a consumer
advocate's secretary.

-Oh, Jerry.

That's not true.

You're very important.

You-- you introduce a
lot of people for me

and you separate the
riff from the raff.

-Oh, you're right, Katherine.

I'm not a secretary.

I'm a receptionist.

-Cheer up, Jerry.

You're also a great babysitter.

Web, we're leaving.

-Bye, guys.
-Bye.

-Bye.

[PHONE RINGING]

-I'll get it.

Hello?

Webster, it's for you.

-Thanks.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Curtis.

Hold on a minute.

Jerry?

Could I have a glass of
milk and a Melnik Thin?

-There are the haves
and the have-nots,

the cans and the cannots.

The doers and the do-nots.

-The donuts and the coconuts.

[LAUGHING] Uh, you wanna
help me with my poster?

-I had a dream.

Health spas.

Hundreds of fit bodies created
by Jerry Silver, Silversized.

I could have been Jack LaLanne,
Richard Simmons, Jane Fonda.

-You could have been Jane Fonda?

Wow.

-The point is, I'm not.

-How does this sound?

Vote for Webster.

Everyone else thinks.

-You really want to win
this one, don't you?

-Sure.

I gave up my old
job as blackboard

monitor to run for president.

So now if I lose I
have no job at all.

-Well, did you like
being blackboard monitor?

-Sure.

But truth is, the job
wasn't going anywhere.

If I didn't take
a chance now, I'd

probably be erasing blackboards
until the third grade, maybe

even the fourth.

-Out of the mouths of babes.

-Nah, I don't like that slogan.
What else you got?

-I am going to try.

-I am going to-- What
am I going to try?

-It's what I'm going to try.

I'm going to change
my life, Webster.

-You are?

-I know it sounds like
an impossible dream,

but I'll fight, though
my arms grow too weary.

[SINGING] I'll go where
the brave dare not go.

I go to tilted windmills.

Sancho, quick, get my horse!
-Huh?

-I'm going to change
my job, Webster.

-Yay!

-I'm gonna be the Jerry
Silver I was meant to be.

-Yay!

I am going to be Jane Fonda.

-Wow.

-And I owe it all
to you, Webster.

You are the star
support for everything.

Webster for president.

-I have never been so
embarrassed in my life.

-Katherine, it was a
legitimate medical expense, OK?

I was having lower
back problems.

And you expected
to get them solved

at Trixie's Massage Parlor?

-I took a shot.

-George, the woman is a--

-Phony?

-That's one name for it.

-Darling, I may be gullible
but I'm not stupid.

I found her out
for what she was.

-Yes.



-Hello, love birds.

-Well, you seem a lot more
chipper since we left.

-Chipper.

Chipper is an understatement.

All is right with me.

All is right with the world.

And Katherine, I quit.

-What?

-Katherine, my destiny calls me.

-Jerry, you can't do this.

You're too important to us.

-Oh, that's very nice
of you to say, George.

But my secretarial
days are over.

-Oh, your secretarial days.

I thought your babysitting
days were over.

Well, good luck to you, Jerry.

-George, will you stop that?

I need him.

-Katherine, don't make this
any more difficult than it is.

-Yeah, Katherine.

Don't make it more
difficult than it is.

Goodnight, Jerry.
-Goodnight, George.

-No.
-Goodnight to you both.

Katherine, I'll call
you in the morning.

-No.

-I gotta be me!

-No.

-I gotta be me.

-Hi, guys.

What's all the singing about?

Boy, am I thirsty.
Can I have a Chipwich?

-No, no, no, no.

It's too late for Chipwich.

Now go back to sleep.

-Sleep?

How can he sleep?

How can any of us sleep
now that Jerry's leaving?

-I was excited, too.

Isn't it great?

It's not great?

It's not even good?

-Honey, it's terrible.

I-- I depend on Jerry
to get the job done.

-Somebody has been putting
fancy ideas in his head.

-Maybe it was an accident.

-Ha!

Impossible.

But you know?

There really will be an
accident when I find out

the person responsible
for losing my Jerry.

-I'm dead meat.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Why don't you try to
find another Jerry?

-Don't you think
I haven't tried?

Two weeks, I've
interviewed dozens

of Jerrys but nobody's
like my Jerry.

I mean, who would
have thought he

actually tested all this stuff?

-[SINGING] Be it ever so.

There's no place like home.

-You gotta help me.

I'm going crazy and Ma'am's
talking to toasters.

-Hmm.

Do me a favor, will ya?
I'll take care of it.

You go in there and
get some paper plates.

-OK.

--[COUGHING] Darling,
I'm home with the bacon.

-Fine, we'll have it tomorrow.

-Can I ask you a
question, Darling?

-What is it?

-Where are you?

-It's my life, George.

It's ruined.

My life.

Oh, wait until I get
my hands on the person

that convinced Jerry to go.

-Ma'am.

Please don't get
your hands on me.

M-- I didn't mean
to ruin your life.

-Webster, what are
you talking about?

-It was all my fault.

I wanted to become
class president

and now Jerry's Jane Fonda.

-Oh.
-I'm sorry, Ma'am.

-No, no, Webster.

It isn't your fault
that Jerry left.

He-- he obviously was
not happy with this work.

-But you're not happy.

-You're right.

I'm not.
But it's because of me.

You see, Webster,
the sad truth is

that without Jerry,
I can't do my job.

-You can't?

Mmm mm.

He could be the
consumer advocate.

I mean, he could have my job.

It's useless.

It's useless, I mean, I--
I-- it's-- so many things.

-I think I better
go see Jane Fonda.

-Thanks for the job.

You're a wonderful human being
and I like you, Uncle Jerry.

-Mr. Silver.

-Thank you.

Uh, why don't you try four.

Now listen, I want you to be
all things to all customers,

but mostly I want you
to be out of sight.

I know.
I'm not pretty.

-Why did I promise my sister
that I would hire you?

-Because my mother gave you
the money to buy this gym.

-Stanley.

-Thank you.

-Well, in a few more weeks all
that baby fat will be gone.

Oh, just kidding, Conan.

Webster!

How are you?

-Don't ask.

Ma'am's a fruit loop.

I'm gonna lose the election.

-Oh no-- uh, Webster, calm down.

-I can't calm down.

Ma'am's sleeping with a
file cabinet and George

is sleeping with me.

-I see your point.

-And he snores.

Loud.

-I don't doubt it.

-So, are you coming back?

-Webster, I can't.

-But you got to.

Ma'am's not gonna
have a job anymore.

-Honey, that's not true.

-It is.

She says she can't
work without you.

-Web.

-Don't you miss us?

-Of course I do.

Now look, I'm trying
to build a dream here.

Come here.

Look at all these machines.

I-- I hand-picked every
one of these myself.

-Nice equipment.

-Thank you very much.
-Moving right along.

Web.

The-- the point
is that you don't

have to worry about Katherine.

I mean, she'll be fine.

No one is a better
consumer advocate than she.

-Oh, yeah?

How come she wants
to give you her job?

-She really said that?

-Really.
Really

-I wonder wh-- promotion.

She must've gotten a promotion.

That's it, isn't it?

-OK.

-She got a promotion and she
wants me to take her job.

-Will you do it?

-Jerry Silver,
consumer advocate.

Hmm.

-I did it, George.

I did it.

Jerry's coming back.

-Wait a minute.
What-- are you sure?

-Wait a minute.
What-- are you sure?
What-- are you sure?
-Sure.

What-- are you sure?
-Sure.

I've just come from him.
I'm gonna tell Ma'am right now.

-Now wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Let's keep it a surprise.

-Yeah.

I love surprises.

-Then it's a deal?

-A deal.

We won't tell Ma'am.

-Shake on it.

-Won't tell Ma'am what?

-Jerry's coming back.

-He is?
-Yeah.

-Why would he do that?

-Because I said you'd
give him your job.

-You what?

[DOORBELL RINGING]

-It's Jerry, it's Jerry!

Ma'am, you've gotta
act surprised.

-I won't be acting.

-Hi.

-See, Ma'am?

It's Jerry.

-Hello, Katherine.

-Jerry.

[LAUGHING] To what do we owe
this wonderful surprise visit?

-Ooh, is she a good actor.

-Did you, um, really say that
you wanted me to have your job?

-I guess I did.

-Well, that really means a lot.

Oh.

You know, um, decisions never
come easy to me and this one

a lot of thought.

-Boy, am I good.

-But Katherine, I--
I-- I just want you

know that I'm--
I'm very touched.

But the truth is, I
still can't come back.

-That's wonderf-- what?

-What?
-What?

-I'm sorry.

Though I'm very pleased
about your promotion.

That's--

-What promotion?

-Don't look at me.

I never said promotion.

-I see.

George, Webster, may I
speak with Katherine alone?

-Yeah, let's go play poker.

-I'm too young for poker.

-All right, we'll play Old Maid.

-You're on.

Only if you promise
not to cheat.

-Boy, you're strict.

-Why are you here, leading
me on, building my hopes,

straightening my desk?

I offered to find
you a secretary

who was even better than me.
-Better?

-Well, just as good.

All right, just as young.

The point is, I was
willing to help you.

-But why didn't I let you.

-You tell me.
-Pride.

Stubborn pride.

The Calder-Youngs
have a lot of that.

-Oh, you do, don't you?

-Mmhmm.

--[CHUCKLING] It's like
that Greek cruise.

I warned you not
to go, but you were

too stubborn to listen to me.

-But that's where I
met and married George.

-You see, you still won't admit
that that trip was a mistake.

-Katherine, I have had a
wonderful time working for you.

-Good.

Because I still want
you to be my secretary.

-But I need you as my friend.

-Well, I am your friend.

-No, things are different now.

You what you have a
husband and a child.

-Well, that's right.

Priorities change, but--

-Oh, I know.

And I need to make
a change in mine.

Katherine, I'm for--
nearly 39 years old.

I have to make a
change for myself,

at least I've got to
know that I tried.

--[SIGHING] You know, every time
you've mentioned striking out

on your own before, I never
thought you'd do it and now you

have and-- and I'm
very proud of you.

-Mmm.

Thank you.

Now how about you swallowing
some of your pride

and let me help you until
you find my replacement.

-No, no, I couldn't
possibly-- thank you.

Well, I'm-- I'm glad
that you're going

to be working in the building.

I mean, we'll see a
lot of each other.

-Actually, I'll be, uh,
living across the way.

-What?

-I'm moving into
apartment 14-E tomorrow.

I know it's small.

It's-- it's-- but it
suits me just fine.

-Oh.

--[CLEARING THROAT] Well,
we're through with our game

unless you want to
play another one.

-Speak for yourself.

I'm not playing
with you anymore.

-Webster, that's not very nice.

-He cheats.

What kind of guy would
cheat a seven year old?

-You're seven and a half.

-Boys.

-Jerry, are you
coming back or what?

-No, Webster, I'm not.

-Then how come
everybody's so smiley?

-Because everything
is wonderful.

Jerry's going to come
back and help out

until everything
gets back to normal.

-Boy, you grown-ups
are sure weird.

-Now wait a minute.

Let me see if I
got this straight.

Jerry, you mean you're going
to come back and help us out

with all this mess and
then you're out of here?

-Well, in a manner
of speaking, yes.

-Well, the best of both worlds.

Who would ever think you could
have your cake and eat it too?

Ha!

-Jerry, does this mean you
won't babysit for me anymore?

-Oh, now don't be silly.

Of course I will.

But from now on it's
going to be at my place.

-Oh, no, no, no.
You live clear across town.

-Actually, across hall.

-Across the hall?

-Katherine will explain it.
-Wait a minute.

-No, don't bother
to throw me out.

I'll do it myself.

Uh, ta-ta!

[LAUGHS]

-We're gonna move, Katherine.
-Ma'am?

-Yeah?

-Are you mad at me?

-No, why?

-Because I gave Jerry your job.

-Oh, no.

I love you.

-You know what?

-What?

-You're the best ma'am
in the whole world.

-Oh.

-Oh, and you're not
bad either, George.

-The man's going to
live across the hall.

[LAUGHS]

-Does that strike you funny?

[LAUGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Katherine, why do I have the
sudden urge to go to Hawaii?

-I don't know, but
it's a great way

to spend that
unexpected tax refund.

-Oh, it's great doing
business with Fetzen,

Metzen, and Garcia.

Especially Fetzen.

-Hi, guys.

-Hey, Web.

-Hi.

-How you doing, man?

-Why so gloomy?

-Lose the election?

-No.

I won.

By a landslide.

-Way to to, Sancho.

-Then what's the problem?

-Well, I tried to make every
Tuesday Washington's birthday.

-And?

And the teacher vetoed it.

-Oh.

I also tried for an hour
of cartoons every day,

but Teacher vetoed that, too.

-Oh.
-Oh.

-What else you try for?

-Nothing else.

What's the use?

I'm just a figurehead.

[THEME MUSIC]