05x20 - Basketball Blues

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: ♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more ♪

♪ Than I wanted to ♪

MAN: ♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

BOTH: ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in ♪

♪ Line, sinker, and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me and ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

There's seconds to go, and it's all tied up.

Long, he looks to his right...

he looks to his left...

He looks to his right and he drives!

He drives the ball.

Oh, what a brutal foul, fans.

I never even touched you.

City rules.

Reaching in on a drive is always a foul.

Every time I steal the ball, you call city rules.

That's right. When you gonna learn?

Give me the ball, it's a foul sh*t.

All right.

Dr. W, eyes the basket, and the crowd is going crazy!

[ Imitates crowd cheering ]

Hey, look who's here.

Shh!

No talking on the foul sh*t!

City rules.

It's that guy who plays for Lake Junior College.

Oh, yeah, it's just Bob Kelsey.

Oh, man, he's great.

I saw him out here last week --

He did a reverse slam dunk with a double-pump fake.

Oh, that's no big deal.

I bet you I can clean his clock any day.

Yeah, you, Michael Jordan, and your city rules.

Stop me if I make him look too bad, okay?

Hey, you, hot sh*t.

You talking to me?

Only you.

Got the guts to go one-on-one with me, Dr. W?

Kid, you just bought yourself a bunch of trouble.

Let's go.

Yeah, let's.

All right.

[ Grunts ]

Now, have you learned your lesson, son?

I sure did, Dr. W.

Put her here.

[ Laughs ]

How you doing, buddy? All right?

All right. All right.

Hey, Nicky, this is my good friend Bob Kelsey.

And, Bob, the guy with his mouth wide open

is my cousin Nicky.

Hey, how you doing?

How do you know this guy?

Oh, Bob and I go way back, to a galaxy far, far away.

What?

Yeah, we were on a starship in a distant galaxy,

under att*ck by the Flagans.

They were about to launch their photon rocket at us.

We were in deep...galactic...doo-doo.

Okay, well, when you two wackazoids

get back from outer space,

why don't you give me a straight answer?

[ Laughs ] No, we're kidding.

Actually, Web and I teamed up a couple years now.

When George did that story on inner-city sports.

And after that, George was his biggest fan.

And my biggest pain.

"Go back to school, get your diploma."

The man's a humongous nag.

Actually, George is probably

the best thing that ever happened to me.

Come on, man,

your folks invited me over for dinner tonight.

All right. Hee-hee!

Say, listen.

Remember that time those asteroids hit our ship?

How could I forget?

They knocked us off course six light-years.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, brother.

Come on, Nicky, let's go!

BOB: Great dinner, Katherine. Oh, thanks.

Delicious, huh, George?

Well, I was just a little thrown off by the color.

I know.

But, honey, when you come to think of it,

Irish stew should be green.

Any chance of me scoring any leftovers?

Of course.

Well, I have to save a little bit

for the boys and George, but --

No more for me.

No? Well, okay.

I almost forgot -- These are for you.

Oh, good. Thank you.

Oh, how nice.

Oh, are those tickets for the game tomorrow?

Not this time. Tickets to my graduation.

All right. GEORGE: Congratulations.

Congratulations.

And guard them with your life.

We only get four apiece.

What about your family?

Hey, come on, this is my family.

Aww.

I remember the exact moment when you joined.

Yes, I think it's when he asked

for a second helping of your chicken-meringue pie.

Yes!

You know, I haven't made

that chicken-meringue pie for so long.

You guys have to remind me.

I'll make a note of that, sweetheart.

Well, it was nice of you

to compliment Katherine on her dinner.

[ Chuckles ] Hey, I loved it.

Believe me -- it beats dorm food.

Still want to go to college?

Only if they have McDonald's on campus.

Hey, you guys are gonna make my last game, aren't you?

Western Tech's no pushover.

Yeah, until you hit the court.

Last year -- Lake trails by two.

Three seconds to go.

It looks hopeless, folks.

The ball's inbounded to Kelsey.

He turns, sh**t -- swish!

[ Laughs ]

Lake wins. All right.

A three-point twisting jumper.

Which was your uncle's idea.

You sent a play down from the stands?

No, I didn't send the play down from the stands,

I just hinted he should sh**t that.

Come on, George, "sort of hinted."

You were on my case about that for months.

Well, it's your bread-and-butter sh*t.

Hey, you want to go play some Horse?

Horse? Of course, Horse!

Come on, let's go.

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Hold up, guy.

Bob and I have to talk,

and you guys have to start doing your homework,

which you should've started five minutes ago.

Do we have to? Do we have to?

Why now?Why now?

Can we stay? Can we stay?

You're not going for it, are you?

No. No.

[ Laughs ] Race you upstairs!

KATHERINE: Coffee's doing its thing.

NICKY: I won!

WEBSTER: Oh, no! You took three steps at a time!

You're disqualified! City rules!

Well, Bob, what have you heard from the recruiting front?

[ Sighs ]

Well, I'm dying for an offer from a four-year school.

Any feelers?

Well, only if you want to count the University of Guam.

Guam.

Ah.

Guam is very...humid.

I'm afraid none of the heavy-duty schools

are interested in a -year-old sophomore.

[ Singsong voice ] The University of Kentucky might be.

Really?

Yes.

I have a friend who, uh, recruits for Kentucky,

and he's gonna come and watch you play.

Oh, no way.

Yes.

As a matter of fact,

he's going to stop by and say hello tonight.

Meet you up close, personal, and in long pants.

W-well, he can't. Why?

Well, I mean --

I mean, I wouldn't know what to say to him.

No, don't worry about it. I'll handle it.

Uh, look, uh, I'll check the coffee.

In the dorm, I'm on java patrol.

Kentucky, huh?

Kentucky?

Well, he seems...

almost more excited about that

than he was my home-cooked dinner.

Oh, I'm sure it's a close second, sweetheart.

[ Sniffs ]

Do you think he really has a chance with Kentucky?

Yes.

Kentucky lost their point guard, and that's his position.

Oh, well, then they're just gonna have to take Bob.

What about a little ice cream

with a dash of peanut butter and a couple of cookies.

[ Bob sniffing ]

[ Sighs ] George...

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, there's the recruiter.

Well, if you're half as good

as this loveable ox says you are,

I just might see you in Lexington this fall.

I hope so, sir.

By the way, have you been talking to other schools.

Well, actually, things have been, you know, uh...

Busy. It's been busy.

Larry, it's been so busy. Busy.

The phone's been ringing off the hook.

Katherine, tell him about the phone.

Right.

Don't tell me -- LSU.

Damn, they're always one step ahead of me.

Who else?

Who else? [ Sighs ]

South...West... mostly west.

Arizona? Even further west.

UCLA? Well, I can't tell you that for sure.

[ Laughs ] It's not Guam, is it?

No one goes there.

Just remember, there's no place finer than Kentucky, my son.

Bluegrass, thoroughbreds,

and the best basketball in the world.

It's God's country, boy, it really is.

This is where he sings "My Old Kentucky Home."

[ Laughs ] He's right. But I've got to run.

Bye-bye, Katherine. KATHERINE: Bye, Larry.

Bye, George. Bye!

♪ When the moon shines bright ♪

♪ on my old Kentucky home ♪

[ Bob Laughs ]

Oh, George, you were great!

I feel like I got my own personal manager.

Well, I want you to start off on the right foot.

You know, if it wasn't for you guys,

I don't know where I'd be.

[ Sighs ]

The leftovers that you wanted are on the table.

We'll see you tomorrow, okay?

All right.

Look, George, I got to get out of here.

See you at the game tomorrow night?

Okay. All right. Be there.

Hey, can we walk you to the bus stop?

Yeah, and if any muggers att*ck,

I'll give them my Green-Beret special.

Hiyah! Hiyah! Hi-hiyah!

All right, I feel safe already.

Come on.

[ Laughs ]

[ Dishes clattering ]

Katherine, what's -- what's wrong?

[ Sighs ]

George, Bob...

[ Sighs ]

Bob was using cocaine when I came into the kitchen.

Cocaine? Come on. Yes.

No, don't "come on." I know what I saw.

I came in to get the ice cream after dinner,

and there he was.

He's too smart to do something like that, hon.

Well, obviously he isn't too smart!

I know what I saw!

Katherine, are you sure

you're not making a big mistake on this?

[ Sighs ]

No. There is no mistake.

I deal with kids and dr*gs every day.

Oh, God.

I can't believe this.

He'd throw his whole future away on dr*gs.

It doesn't make any sense to me, Katherine.

Well, dr*gs never do.

[ Breathing heavily ]

Hey, hit me, chief, I'm wide open.

What's the matter?

Aw, no, did that scout drop out on us?

No, he's still coming.

Can we talk?

Sure. What do you want to talk about?

Wine, women, or song?

How about cocaine.

[ Chuckles ]

Why you want to talk about that, George?

Come on, Bobby, let's not fool around.

We've been through too many things together.

Let's not -- Let's not make jokes.

Look, George, I-I just do it

once in a while for a good time.

That's all.

Hunched over at a kitchen sink,

putting powder up your nose is a good time.

How do you know that?

Katherine saw you yesterday.

All right, so, maybe I was a little nervous, George.

So you take it when you're nervous, too.

You take it when you're nervous,

you take it when you're gonna have some fun.

Bobby, don't you think you have a problem?

Okay, but it's my problem, George.

So what's it to you anyway?

You know, I can't believe you said that.

"What's it to me?"

I told Larry you had your head on straight.

So you're gonna tell this guy I'm no good anymore?

Oh, that -- that's great, George.

That's perfect.

Oh, yeah, right, I would ruin your career like that.

I'd cop out like that, right, Bob?

Bob, I'm -- I'm here to help you.

Look, if you want to help,

find someone who needs some help.

[ Sniffs ] Okay?

'Cause, uh, I don't need help, George.

Yeah, you do, Bob.

Yeah, you do.

And when you realize it,

you know where to get ahold of me.

[ Sighs ]

There's less than a minute to go.

Dr. W has the ball.

Hold on. Time out. Hold on.

What's wrong?

Your legs are too close together.

What?

[ Scoffs ]

If there's less than a minute to go,

the defender's legs

have to be at least two feet, four inches apart.

No way!

City rules.

I don't know what you're trying to do,

but you're not -- Oh, nothing, nothing.

Dr. W does it again.

One more move like that,

I'm gonna teach you some country rules.

[ Laughs ] I'm all shook up.

Yo, Web, Nicky.

Where were you guys the other day?

We were supposed to play a little two-on-one, remember?

NICKY: We couldn't make it. WEBSTER: We forgot.

We forgot. We couldn't make it.

We forgot we couldn't make it.

[ Sighs ] Your folks told you, right?

Yes.

Uh, can I say something?

Yeah, sure.

I mean, I can't really believe that you're doing cocaine.

I mean, you look so together and everything.

Hey, come on, come on. I am together.

[ Laughs ]

So what's your problem, man?

[ Laughs ]

Say, Bob, listen, man,

we were always taught that dr*gs are bad news.

Oh, Web, man, you're talking about those guys who are hooked.

I'm not.

I'm just one of those guys

who like to work hard and party even harder.

[ Chuckles ]

Can't you party without cocaine?

Yeah, we just have punch at ours, and we have a ball.

Guys, sure I can party without cocaine.

Hey, and don't get me wrong --

I'm not saying the stuff is good for you.

Then why do you use it?

[ Sighs ]

All right, look, I'll -- I'll try to explain here.

It's like I'm going through a phase

where I'm pushing everything to the max.

You know, the studying and the practicing and all.

So sometimes I get high, you know,

and give myself a reward.

Besides, I can handle it.

And I don't do that much, just a little bit to kick back,

you know, and have fun.

We had a family meeting,

and Ma'am and George are really worried.

They want you to get help.

Aw, that's nice. I appreciate that.

But I don't need help.

We don't think that we should hang out with you

until you stop using dr*gs.

Okay, look, um...

It's no big deal.

But you guys do what you want, all right?

Come on, check this reverse slam-a-rooney out.

Hee-hee!

You've left the door open for Bob.

Hopefully he'll use it.

I hope so.

WEBSTER: Hi, guys.

KATHERINE: Hi.

Did you see Bob?

Uh, just for a few minutes.

I know he's messing up and everything,

but he sure doesn't show it when he's on the court.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, that's for sure.

He can nail a -footer with his eyes closed.

Translation? He's a good sh*t.

Oh, gotcha.

But I don't understand.

If dr*gs are supposed to destroy you,

how can he play so good and get such good grades?

Maybe it's like he said --

Maybe using cocaine

is just a phase he's going through.

It doesn't make sense.

Maybe it's because he doesn't use that much.

Oh, come on, you guys!

You both know better than that.

There is no such thing as "not using that much"

when it comes to cocaine.

[ Sighs ]

I hear you listening to Jimi Hendrix upstairs, right?

He should've been the greatest guitar player alive.

But he k*lled himself with dr*gs.

How about the basketball player last year?

He had a great NBA future.

I'm sure he thought he could control it, too.

Yeah, you know?

I mean, people who use dr*gs are junkies, that's it.

Bottom line. That stuff is poison.

You guys understand what we're talking about?

I do. Yeah.

Well, uh, George, does this mean

we're not going to Bob's game tomorrow night?

Oh, no, no, no.

We wouldn't abandon a friend just 'cause he got a problem.

WEBSTER: Oh, good.

You know, after all this,

I still like the guy.

KATHERINE: We all like him. Yeah.

I don't know, Katherine.

Maybe life was simpler when we were kids.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute.

Oh, wait a minute. That's not fair.

What do you mean it's not fair?

What's the matter with it?

You're supposed to dribble.

I never dribble. It's disgusting.

No, bounce the ball.

You can just run with it, that's traveling.

But I love to travel.

And it's against city rules.

And country rules.

Well, it's not against mom's rules,

and unless that basket counts, nobody gets dessert.

That was a beautiful sh*t, wasn't it?

Oh, yes, it was beautiful.

There's Uncle George.

Hi, honey, want to play?

Hey, yeah, let's play kids versus parents.

Uncle George, what's wrong?

I have some bad news. What?

They found Bob dead this morning.

He had a heart att*ck caused by cocaine.

BOB: I'm just one of those guys

who likes to work hard and party even harder.

And besides, I can handle it.

And I don't do that much,

just a little bit to kick back and have fun.

[ Theme song plays ]