Rhythm on the Range (1936)

[bunniefuu]

["Ooga" Horns,
Police Whistle Blowing]

Good afternoon,
Miss Ryland.
Am I late?

Only slightly,
Miss Ryland.

Yours, Miss Ryland?

Gosh, no, Ben.
That's for my niece.

I figured a body
tinkering with matrimony...

might want to look
at a book of directions.

♪♪ [Organ Playing
"I Love You Truly"]

Let us pause to consider
a moment this high occasion:

two hands in
solemn compact joined,

two hearts pledged
in sacred union.

How beautiful to behold is
the sight of two young people...

as they stand on the threshold
of holy matrimony.

When a young woman takes the
hand of the man of her choice,

how rare is the joy,
and how celestial.

Need we rehearse any further,
since the groom isn't here?

Why, of course not.
He doesn't need a rehearsal.

At his last wedding,
he prompted the minister.
The groom oughta be here.

Ah, Penny.
You're right, cowgirl.
You're right.

The groom ought to be here.
Doris, why don't you go ahead
and marry the China boy?

It'd teach 'em
both a lesson.
Who are you?

Well, if you're not too literal,
I'm the matron of honor.

Oh, please don't mind Connie,
Aunt Penny.

Small talk's
her specialty.
I can see that.

But, honey,
the talk's too small
for a great occasion.

Miss Ryland,
I quite agree with you.

So do I.
Come on, Doctor.

Well, you win, old-timer.
You've moved heaven
and Wall Street against me.

Forgive me,
for the sake of my soul...
and the good of my credit.

Sure.
Glad it's not too late
to save your credit.

You're one up, Penny.

No, Charley, you're
not really married.

Oh, thank you
very much.

I sure thought
I'd get a chance
to meet the groom today.

What's he like, honey?
Oh, he's nice.

Yeah, but what
does he do?
Well, he's on Wall Street.

He's not exactly
the wolf down there but a good,
comfortable vice president.

And he plays polo.
Not championship, of course,

but this year his club
is using him to sub
on first team.

And he's, uh, he's--

Oh, well,John's
just a man.

- [ Penny] No foolin'.
- [Doris] No foolin.

That's the lucky man.
John Ashville Dobie III.

Third what?
The third
John Ashville Dobie.

You mean to stand there
and insinuate there were
two others like this?

Well, at least that.
The family goes all
the way back to 1550.

'Tain't far enough,
if you ask me.

What did you expect,
Aunt Penny, a superman?

Oh, no, but a young wife
usually makes her husband
sound like a superman.

There's no use being
naive about it. I'll be
as happy as the next one.

That's all,
Elizabeth.

Doris, darling, I'm off.
Is there any
doubt of it?

[ Laughs]
Well, the next time
I see you,

you'll be Mrs.John
Ashville Dobie III.
So I will.

I could spoil it by dashing
up to the altar and shrieking
"I forbid the banns."

Oh, not you. You'll
have much more fun trying
to pick him off afterwards.

- I'm not promising I won't.
- If you did promise,
I wouldn't believe you.

- [Connie] Well, as long as
we understand each other.
- I understand you perfectly.

For a wedding gift,
I'll give you the name of
a good detective agency.

What?
Oh, we're shocking
your aunt.

Life is like that,
Miss Ryland,
in the social jungle.

The flower girl
precedes the bride,

and the detective
follows the groom.

Good-bye.
Bye.

Good-bye, darling.
Good-bye, sweet.

♪♪ [ Humming
"The Wedding March"]

Isn't she married?
Not seriously.

She and her husband
don't get along very well.

And she's got her eye
on yours already.

Oh, Connie's a bit of a snake,
but she's all right.
Doris, I--

Well, I don't know
just how to say this, but--

Well--

At every wedding,
there oughta be
a woman.

I think all the experts
agree on that point, Aunt Penny.

Oh, ho, I don't mean
the bride. I mean
an older woman.

At a time like this,
there oughta be someone
to hand out advice--

somethin' your father can't buy
for ya, even if he is one of
the richest bankers in New York.

That's right.
What is it you advise?

Well, of course,
I ain't the best person
in the world for this.

I'm just an old
weather-beaten Westerner.

Not that I haven't had
some experience
handlin' men.

In the mountains up our way,
the boys make passes like
any other male critter,

and believe me,
when a girl's fought her way
through those mountain passes,

she's done somethin'.

Yes, Aunt Penny.
Mmm, well, what
I wanna say is--

Oh, doggone.
It's all here
in this book.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, you're sweet,
Aunt Penny.
Give me a hug.

We'll say good-bye
at the rodeo.
Yes,
we'll see you at the Garden.

Honey, you said you'd be
as happy as the next one.

I wanted you to be
a whole lot happier than that.

I'd hate to come back next year
and find you just another
claim-jumpin' husband rustler,

like that diamondback
that just slithered
out of here.

[ Horns Honking]

♪♪

[Man] I know you can do it.
All you gotta do is stand
up there and try it.

[Indistinct Chatter]

[Man] Now go and put that
half-a-dollar on your nose.
Now stick out your arms.

Put that water in his hands.
Now stand steady, and don't
move 'til I say go.

One, two, three.
Go.

There you are.
Pretty good, huh?

Aw, that's
a silly trick.
Bet you
four bits you can't do it.

Bet you he can.
Go on, Buck. Show him.
I'll try it.

All right, come on.
I don't see
nothin' to it.

Of course there ain't
nothin' to it.
You can do it.
Sure.

There you are.
Now hold up your head.
Put the water in his hands.

That's it.
There you are.
He can do it. Sure.

Wait 'til I say go.

One, two--

Hey, hey, hand over
my funnel.

You had the fun.
I'll have the funnel.

Howdy, Buck.
Howdy, Miss Penny.

Where’s Jeff?
He's down at the corral.

Well, come on.
Let's find him.
All right.

[Cowboy Yelling]

[Crowd Cheering]

That darn fool Jeff.
He knows he can't ride no steer.

Let's hope
the steer don't know it.

[Crowd Laughing,
Woman Screaming]

He knows it.

Jeff!
Hey,Jeff! Jeff!

Well, that makes it tougher.

Jeff Larabee, are you
trying to commit su1c1de?

No, he just can't balance
his bull budget.

He's entered every contest
tryin' to win enough money
to buy that brute.

Ain't he a beauty?
He's one of the
finest purebreds...

that Colonel Johnson
brought to this show.

He's not worth
breakin' your neck for.
His name is Cuddles.

- Boy, ain't he dignified.
- I wonder how dignified
he's gonna look...

the first time
he backs into a cactus.

Well, you're his partner,
ain't you? What are you
doin' to help?

Well, Penny, Buck's been in
kind of tough in this show.

We just figured out
the firsts and the seconds
and the other points,

and near as we can tell,
he's fightin' it out
for last place.

Well, remember, you're both
still workin' for me.
Yes, ma'am.

You stick to your ropin'
and your ridin'. I'll be
out front rootin' for you.

Good luck.
Thanks.

Come on, Buck.
Get Cuddles
a pail of water.

"Get Cuddles a pail of water."

Want some water
for Cuddles.

[Crowd Cheering,
Whistling]

Hello.
Howdy. Say, there's
one thing about the East.

It sure is easy
to get water.

Well, that's true,
brother, on the face
of it. So long.

Hello, Aunt Penny.
Hello, honey.

Hello. I can't stay
very long. I just
stopped in to say good-bye.

I'm staying, though,
and I'll see you
to the station.
That's nice.

Only it ain't a station.
It's a freight siding
in Weehawken.

And I'm traveling west
in my boxcar, you know,
just the way I came.

[ Bellowing Sound]
What have you got there?

Oh, that's a little
homemade slip horn
I threw together.

Sounds kinda sweet,
don't it?
Let me hear it again.

[ Bellowing Sound]

Well, it's a matter of opinion.
All I hear is "bazooka."

Bazooka?
Yeah.

Bazooka. Boy,
I bet this slip horn
is self-baptizing.

What do you mean?
I'm gonna call that thing
a bazooka.

Say, is our business
bazookas or bulls?

We gotta get some more dough
or we're gonna lose Cuddles.

[P.A. Announcer]
The next event, folks,
is the wild cow milkin' contest.

Did you ever
milk a wild cow?
No.

Well, you're gonna.

[Spectators Laughing]

Whoa, Bossy.

Stop that rumba.
Keep it simple.

We want milk,
not a milkshake.

- Come on, Buck!
- Huh?

[Crowd Laughing]
In the bottle!

Give, sweetheart, give.

Go on.
Get goin'.

Go ahead!
Go on!

- Yip--
- [Spectators Laughing]

Two grown men chasing
a scared cow. You must
admit, it's rather silly.

Milking a wild cow
is a glittering piece
of intelligence...

compared to
some of the humor
I saw around your house.

Meaning what?
Bob, don't
let her do it.

Are you referring
to Doris's marriage?

Send her out West with me
for awhile. Give her
a chance to think it over.

Really, Penelope, there's
nothing for her to think over.
Well, I think there is.

Why in thunder is she
marrying this stuffed shirt
that she don't love?

- You don't need his money,
and she don't need him.
- You manage your cows, Penelope,

and we'll try
to manage our destinies.

Say, listen--
In the meantime,
let's not be conspicuous.

[Announcer] Introducin'
Miss Penelope Ryland.
[Applause]

Stand up, Penny.

♪♪ [Fanfare]
[Applause Continues]

There she is, folks,
Miss Penelope Ryland,

owner of the famous
Frying Pan Ranch from
Green Pastures, Arizona.

A square-sh**t',
forthright daughter
of the West.

A true pioneer woman!

[Applause]

I don't know what you're
makin' all this fuss about.

Bein' a pioneer woman was
just bein' a normal woman,

and I'd hate to think
that normal women...

was so rare
here in the East...

that ya have to go huntin'
for 'em with searchlights...

and yellin' for 'em
through microphones.

Those pioneer women--

women like my mother,
your grandmother--

they weren't
Western women.

They were Eastern women!

[Crowd Cheering]

I'm glad to hear you
applaud 'em.

I applaud 'em, too,
those Eastern women.

They married
the men they loved,

and they
stuck to 'em,
[Applause]

even when the darn galoots
went trailin' out as far as
the badlands in Arizona.

That's all
I gotta say, folks.

No doubt you feel
you've said plenty.

Where's Doris?
She'll probably
be right back.

[Crowd Cheering]

Well, partner, if
you win this event,

we'll have just
half the money we need.

What good's half a bull?

That's the stuff!
Ah, stay with him!

[Crowd Cheering]

Look at that boy ride!

[Crowd Cheering]

[Announcer]
The winner of the saddle
bronc contest:Jeff Larabee.

As spectacular a ride
as these old eyes
have ever seen.

Give him a big hand, folks!
♪♪ [Band]

[Crowd Cheering,
Whistling]

- Hurray!
- Yippee!

Good-bye, Penelope.

When Doris comes back,
tell her I had to go.
Sure, sure.

Swell ride,Jeff.
Yeah, but we're
still a lot short.

Doggone, boy, when you once
get an idea in your head,

you can't shake it out.

Say, there's still
that song contest.

I might have
a chance in that.
How much does that pay?

They haven't announced yet,
but it oughta pay somethin'.

All of you who have been
regular patrons for
the last two weeks...

know that at this time
every night, we present
a singin' cowboy.

Tonight, we're gonna hear
a song of the range
from Jeff Larabee.

♪♪

Sing it pretty, boy.

♪ Empty saddles ♪

♪ In the old corral ♪

♪ Where do you ride
tonight ♪

♪ Are you roundin' up
the dogies ♪

♪ The strays of long ago ♪

♪ Are you on the trail
of buffalo ♪

♪ Empty saddles ♪

♪ In the old corral ♪

♪ Where do you ride tonight♪

♪ Are there rustlers
on the border♪

♪ Or a band of Navaho♪

♪ Are ya headin' ♪

♪ For the Alamo ♪

♪ Empty g*ns ♪

♪ Covered with rust ♪

♪ Where do you talk
tonight ♪

♪ Empty boots ♪

♪ Covered with dust ♪

♪ Where do you walk ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Empty saddles♪

♪ In the old corral♪

♪ My tears
will be dry♪

♪ Tonight♪

♪ If you'll only say♪

♪ I'm lonely♪

♪ As you carry♪

♪ My old pal ♪

♪ Empty saddles ♪

♪ In the old ♪

♪ Corral ♪

Doggone, that's pretty.

♪ Empty g*ns ♪

♪ Covered with rust ♪

♪ Where do you talk
tonight ♪

[Chorus]
♪ Where do you
talk tonight♪

♪ Empty boots ♪

♪ Covered with dust ♪

♪ Where do you walk ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Empty saddles ♪

♪ In the old corral ♪

♪ My tears will be dry♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Tonight♪

♪ If you'll only say♪

♪ I'm lonely♪

♪ As you carry♪

♪ My old pal ♪

♪ Empty saddles ♪

♪ In the old ♪

♪ Corral ♪♪

[Applause]

Ladies and gentlemen,
the judges have decided.

The winner of
the singin' contest is
Jeff Larabee!

Whoa-ho!
Yah!

[Announcer]
And the prize is $500,

to be donated, by agreement,
to the orthopedic hospital.

[Applause,
Whistling]

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

for the next and last event
on our program,

the boys will demonstrate
that playful little pastime...

known as
"wrastlin' the steer"...

for a cash prize
of $350.

[Cheers, Whistles]

Well, you win.

[Crowd Shouting]

Next rider's an added entry,
Mr. Buck Eaton.

Buck is gonna break
his tie for last place...
or break his neck.

[Bellowing, Snorting]

Hey, Buck,
you ain't never wrastled
a steer in your life.

Well, the steer ain't never
wrastled me either,
so I reckon we're even.

Turn him out, boys.

[Applause, Cheering]

Four seconds, folks!
A new world's record!
Ya-ha!

Steer must've fainted.

♪♪ [Band]

Well, we didn't make it.
Sure, we did.
We won enough money.

We still owe
a $28 hotel bill.

We should've slept
in the park--anything.

If we hadn't pampered ourselves
all week, we'd now be the proud
possessors of Cuddles.

You mean to tell me
for that bull, I'm supposed
to sleep in a pasture?

Boy, I wouldn't
pasteurize myself
for nobody.

Doggone it, boy, go ahead
and buy your durned old bull.
I'll pay the hotel bill.

You will?
Sure.

Wait a minute.
Where'd you get
28 bucks?

Oh, I, uh--
I made some side bets
with some of the boys.

Why, you doggone old
horned toad! You been
holdin' out on me, huh?

Uh-huh.
Go over to the hotel
and check out.

I'll see you
at the freight yard.
So long, Santy Claus.
Bye.

Who? Doris?

I don't know.
I just got in.

Wait. I'll see.

If anybody had told me
a month ago...

that I'd be standin'
out here tonight...

talkin' to a bunch
of people on the busy street
of New York City,

I'd have told 'em
they was crazy.

I understand that
you people here
in New York City...

see pert near everything.

And I imagine
you'd be willing to pay
a little somethin'...

to see somethin'
you never saw before.

Well, tonight, you're gonna
see two things you never
saw in your life.

First, you never saw
a bazooka.

And next, you never saw
a man that needed $28
as bad as I need it.

[ Laughing]
Hey, hey, hey,
where's your horse?

That wasn't me that
said that then, folks.

That's somebody
back over in here. I don't
want you people to think...

I'm a ventriloquist.

Back in the mountains
where I come from,

I always wanted
to better myself.

I-I wanted
the better things in life.

I wanted to improve myself.

I remember when
I was 19 years old, I had
a heart-to-heart talk with Papa.

[Chuckling]
I said, "Papa,
I'm 19 years old now.

"I'm gettin' to be a man,
and I think it's about time...

I was startin'
to wear shoes."
[ Laughing]

[ Drunkenly]
Hey, wh-where's
your horse?

You know, folks,
when I was a little boy
back home,

I had to take care
of a stubborn mule.

And I used to get
so mad at him.

But one mornin'
this mule was more
stubborn than usual,

and I just
lost my temper,

and I picked up an a*
and knocked his brains out,
and he d*ed.

Then-- You know,
my old grandma
always told me...

that jackass
would haunt me someday.

[Horns Honking]

Now, of course,
I couldn't expect
to come out here...

and get $28
off of you people...

without givin' you
somethin' for it.

Well, you're gonna
get it right now.

[Car Horns Honking]

[Whistle Blowing,
Bell Clanging]

[Horn Honking]

Got about six feet.
Take it easy. Hold it.

[Train Whistle Blowing,
Bell Clanging]

- That all, Jeff?
- Yeah, you can
take her away.

Hey, Conductor!
Hello there, cowboy.

- Have you seen
Penny Ryland or Buck?
- No.

- How long
before you're pullin' out?
- As soon as the engine hooks on.

[ Lowing, Snorting]

[ Bell Clanging,
Coupling Crashes]

[ Bucket Clanging]

You can't leave 'til
Penny and Buck get here.

Brother, hot or cold,
this train pulls out
right now.

Well, listen, you
can't do this. They're
gonna miss the train.

So will you, son,
if you don't climb aboard.

[Train Chugging]
Ah.

[Whistle Blowing]

Doggone, we missed it!

Well, we ain't
missed much.

When you've
seen one train,
you've seen 'em all.

♪♪ [Whistling]

Ouch!

Hey, what are you doin' here?

Oh!

The train's moving.
Why, yes, they do,
sometimes.

How did you
get on?

Are you the only one here?
Well, I'm the only one
that belongs here.

How did you get on?
Well, it's a long story.

Somebody left the door open.
The train jolted, and I must
have bumped my head.

And here I am.
Well, you don't look
like a hobo.

Well, thank you.
Are you?

No.
Then how do you happen to be
bummin' a ride in this boxcar?

Well, that's a rather
difficult thing to explain.
Take your time.

Oh, I know the owner
of this boxcar,
very intimately.

The owner of this boxcar
happens to be my boss.
Yes?

Well, is she
expecting you?

Well, not exactly.
You see, I--
Oh, I see.

You were going
to surprise her, huh?
Yes, that's right.

That won't do, sister.
You should have said your father
owned the railroad or somethin'.

Well, he is a stockholder.

That's quite a coincidence.

Just the same,
you're gettin' off
at the next stop.

Well, now that
we've got that settled,
may I have a cigarette?

Yeah. Stick out
your tongue.
What?

Stick out
your tongue.
Oh.

Here.

What's your line?
Line?

Yeah,
what do you do?

Well, if you must know,
I'm a cook.

[Chuckling]
You don't look
much like a cook.

Oh, cooks are looking
much better these days.

You out of a job?

Yes.

Say, didn't I hear you
ask the conductor about
some people you're expecting?

Oh, yeah.
They'll probably catch
a passenger train.

Do you happen to know
where our next stop is?

Wherever it is, sister,
you're gettin' off.

- Well, you already said that.
- Well, we're slowin' down now.

[Train Whistle Blowing]

What's the matter?
You lose somethin'?
No.

- What was it?
- Nothing.

[Cuddles Bellowing]

Mm-hmm. I found it.
Get that pail of water.

Oh, I'm sorry.
[Bellowing]

Quiet, Cuddles, quiet.
You're all right.
Now relax. Whoa, relax.

Whoa, relax.
[Bellowing]

All right, now,
quiet.

Quiet! Quiet!
What's the matter with you?

Haven't you got
any sense at all, wavin'
a red flag at a bull?

It's a scarf.
He might've
broken his leg.

Well, I'm sorry.
I should think
you would be.

Well, I said
I'm sorry.
[Brakes Squealing]

Well, I'm sorry, too, but
here's where you get off.

Well, it'll be
a pleasure.

- Would you mind
helping me down?
- That will be a pleasure.

[Thunderclap]

Where's
the station, please?
About 11 miles up.

Thank you.

Where ya goin', sister?
Kind of wet out there.

Come on in, baby, where
it's nice and warm.
[Shrieks]

Hey, a dame.
Hey, toots!

[Train Whistle Blowing]

Hello.
You remember me?

Mm-hmm.
You're back, huh?

I always heard that
Westerners were chivalrous,
or was that just a rumor?

Look, lady, I'm a cattleman.
A cattleman takes care
of cattle.

I think what you're lookin'
for is a ladies' man.

That lets you out.
[Chuckling]

It sure does.

Well, what'll
I do now?

Mmm, take off your clothes.

Well, they're wet,
ain't they?

You've got some dry stuff
in here.
Yes, I have.

Well, then, put 'em on.

Here.
[Bellowing]

Haven't you any sense
at all? Waving
a red flag at a bull.

Why-- Pull yourself
together now, Cuddles.

♪ Desert blue and silver ♪

♪ In the pale moonshine ♪

♪ Coyotes yappin' lazy♪

♪ On the hill ♪

♪ Sleepy winks
of lightnin' ♪

♪ Down the far skyline ♪

♪ Time for millin' cattle ♪

♪ To be still ♪

♪ So now♪

♪ The lightnin's far away♪

♪ That coyote's nothin' scary♪

♪Just a-singin' ♪

♪ To his dearie ♪

♪ Hee-ya♪

♪ Tamma-lal-le-day♪

♪ Settle down, you cattle ♪

♪ 'Til the mornin' ♪

♪ There's nothin'
out the hazy range♪

♪ That you folks need ♪

♪ Nothin' we can see
to take your eye ♪

♪ Yet we gotta watch ya ♪

♪ For you'd all stampede ♪

♪ Lungin' down
some arroyo bank ♪

♪ To die ♪

♪ So now ♪

♪ For still
the shadows stay♪

♪ The moon is
slow and steady♪

♪ And the sun comes
when he's ready♪

♪ Hee-ya ♪

♪ Tamma-lal-le-day♪

♪ No use runnin' out ♪

♪ To meet the mornin' ♪♪

Well, say.

Do you mind
if I sit here?
Oh, go right ahead.

That's Penny Ryland's bunk.
You better use it;
grab yourself some shut-eye.

You'll be needin' it
before long.

♪ Always seein'
way-off dreams ♪

♪ Of silver blue ♪

♪ Always feelin' thorns
that s*ab and sting♪

♪ Yet stampedin' never made ♪

♪ A dream come true ♪

♪ So I ride around
myself and sing ♪

♪ So now♪

♪ The lightnin's far away♪

♪ The coyote's
nothin' scary♪

♪ He's just singin'
to his dearie ♪

♪ Hee-ya ♪

♪ Tamma-lal-le-day♪

♪ Settle down, you cattle ♪

♪ 'Til the mornin' ♪

♪ So now♪♪

Oh, Miss Penny,
have I got to get on
one of them Pullmans?

I can't sleep four nights
on one of them little
upper shelves.

What's the matter?
Ain't it good enough for you?

You wouldn't want to
stand in the way of my
opportunities, would ya?

If you let me
wait 'til Tuesday, I
can get accommodated...

in a boxcar
with a load of hogs.

Well, of course, you
wouldn't be so lonesome.
No, ma'am.

Oh.
Thanks, Gus.

Aw, that's
all right, Emma.
Hey!

Ain't you gonna come
and wave me good-bye?
No, I ain't got time.

I gotta deliver
eight baby buggies
up in the Bronx.

Whoa, boy.
That's a fine thing.

Want a redcap, lady?
What, with a brown jacket
and a checkered skirt?

Are you kiddin'?
No, ma'am.

You're gonna get on that
train, Buck Eaton, and go
back West where you belong.

As for me, I'm gonna
stay here and help
clean up the mess I made.

Ohh.
[Chuckling]

Is everything
all right, miss?
Oh! Oh, yes, porter.

- And thank you for arranging
everything so nicely for me.
- Thank you.

Hey, boy.
Yes, ma'am.

See what you can do
for me, will you?
Oh-ho-ho.

- This your car, sir?
- Board!
- Oh, boy!

Good-bye!

All aboard.
Oh, yeah, man.
Good-bye.

Thanks, porter.
Ho-ho. Oh, boy.

Well, I'll be doggone.
Say, I wonder why
she thanked the porter.

Doggone it, I told you
I don't know nothin'
about this deluxe travel.

Well, for a beginning,
you're doin' all right.

Better get on.
She's movin'.
Where's your ticket?

- Where's my bazooka?
- Good-bye, kid. Good-bye.

Hey. Hey! I just
wanted to rent him.
I didn't want to buy him.

Oh! How nice,
Jefferson.

Jeff-- Uh, huh?

Oh.

Aren't you joining me?
No, I had breakfast earlier
with, uh, Cuddles.

Oh.

Did ya sleep all right?
Tossed all night.

You did not.
How do you know?

Oh, well, I woke up
once or twice myself,
and I sort of looked over.

Nice of you.
Why, I'm like that,
you know.

I never could pass a stray cat
without pickin' it up and
totin' it back to its mama.

That's terribly sweet,
but I'm not a stray cat.

Well, no offense.
And I haven't got
a mama.

Oh, that's too bad.
Don't worry about me.

I'm getting off
at the next station.
Ah, okay.

I don't know what kind
of a town it'll be, but
I wanna wish you luck.

Thanks.

It's good coffee.

Considering that
I didn't make it myself.

Why don't you stay on,
and then, uh, tomorrow
you could make it.

Why, I thought you were
trying to get rid of me.

Oh, I don't know.
I'm gettin' kind of
used to you.

Uh-uh.
Well, of course, I know
it's none of my business,

but it's kind of tough
on a girl in a small town.

Especially when
nobody knows her.

Why don't you wait 'til
we get to Kansas City?

Why? What's
Kansas City got?

Well, for one thing,
it's got an aunt of mine.

Maybe she could find
a job for ya, or kind of take
care of you 'til you got one.

Show me
how to do that?
Oh, sure.

Here. Like this,
with your wrist.

There ya are.
This is fun.

Well, we're stopping.

Where are we?
No place.

Just a siding, I guess.
Must have pulled up to let
a passenger train through.

I gotta go see
the conductor.

Say, uh, what's your name?

Lois.
Lois Hall.

Lois. Huh. Sort of
a fancy name for a cook.

Well, mine's Larabee.
Jeff Larabee.

Probably can't boil water.

Hey, mister.

Come here.

I wonder if you'd
do something for me.
Sure, lady.

First telegraph station we
come to, will you send this
off? And keep the change.

Sure.
Thank you.

[Train Whistle Blowing]

Any luck, Shorty?

No, she wouldn't fall
for the hard-luck story.

[ Bellowing, Snorting]

[Bellowing]

Jeff! Jeff!

- [ Bellowing]
- Hey! Wait a minute!

- [ Doris Screaming]
- Hey, Cuddles!
Wait for me!

[ Bellowing]
[Screaming]

Hey, put down
that red scarf!
Take it off!

That's about the dumbest trick
I've ever seen.

Well, if you think
I was doing tricks--

That bull tried
to k*ll me.
He isn't safe.

I think he's
positively insane.
Don't talk about his brains.

I thought any fool knew better
than to wave a red rag
in front of a bull.

I didn't wave it;
I wore it. And it isn't
a rag; it came from Paris.

And I don't dress
to please bulls.

Well, you better start
or else stop travelin' with him.
Cuddles didn't look you up.

Look here--
Put that thing away!

You're the most
hoity-toity cook
I've ever seen.

[Train Whistle
Blowing]

Hey!

That's perfect. That's fine.
First you start a fire.

Then you darn near break
my bull's leg, and now
you make me lose my train.

I did?
I oughta put you off
last night.

I wish you had.
So do I. You're nothin'
but a doggone nuisance.

Thanks.
Which way you going?
I'm goin' that way.

Then I'm going that way.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.

Come on, fella. Now
we're gettin' somewhere.

[Chuckling]
Ah, women always
get ya in trouble.

All right, jump in.
Oh-ho, wait just a minute.

Hey, what do you think I am?
No, no! Hey!

No, the bull don't ride!
Look! We tow him!

[ Horn Honking]

Going my way, mister?

Funny thing. I didn't have
any intention of getting
a new car this year,

but then when I saw this,
I just couldn't resist it.

Much nicer than that old boxcar
I've been running around in.

Do you often go around
pickin' up cars like this?

Oh, that's the only way
I ever get a car. On impulse.
See it and take it. That's me.

Don't the police
ever bother you?

Oh, quit arguing.
Three can ride
as cheaply as one.

Why don't you tell me
where you got this thing?
Maybe I can square it.

You don't know it,
but doggone it, you're
bein' a criminal.

Oh, yes, and your bull
is being an accessory.

Seriously, I can't go on
alone, now can I?
I don't see why not.

Girl like you has
nothin' to worry about.

If you run out of gas,
you'll hold up
a filling station.

Well, good-bye.
You already said that.

Oh, poor Cuddles.

He'll probably develop
foot-and-mouth disease from
all this walking and arguing.

And how are you feeling?

Aw, come on.
Get in.
No.

Come on.
Aw, get in.
No!

No!

Well, come on. Step on it.
We might cross the state line
before we get arrested.

Lay off of me, will ya?

I told ya all she give me
was five dollars.
The Big Brain has got it.

Gimme that five dollars.

Five dollars.

How'd you mugs
like to cut in
on $10,000?

Why, this dame's old man
is a millionaire.

And you're talkin'
about five dollars!

What's five dollars?
Hey, hey, Big Brain.

You ain't figurin'
no snatch, now are ya?
Shh!

What's the matter?
These walls have ears.

Now the way I handle it,
it's strictly legal.

All we gotta do is keep
our eyes on the little bimbo...

'til Papa announces
the reward in the papers.

Then we wires him
and cash in.
Slick, ain't it?

Oh, sure, it's slick,
but it's too late.

The dame is gone.
She got off
at the last stop.

[Train Whistle Blowing]
Gimme the five dollars.

Wait a minute, Narrow Gage.
The first time the train slows
down, be ready to jump.

We're gonna b*at it back to
that dame and easy riches.

Here ya are, Shorty.

Oh, it's you again.
[Train Lurching]

Oh-ho.
I didn't think
you cared.

Lady, don't your face
ever do nothin'
but pucker?

The only time it looks
like a face is when I pucker.
Oh, I don't know.

I think you've got
one of the prettiest
faces I ever saw.

I just keep
lookin' at ya
all the time.

I declare, it just
looks like I can't take
my eyes off of you.

I'd be lookin' at ya
right now if I wasn't
butterin' my bread.

I think you got
somethin' there.

You know--

Boy, it looks like
you got somethin'.

You sure didn't
pucker that time.

Here, you take the slice
and give me the bite.

Your steak, sir.
Ma'am, your Grapenuts.

Kinda late
to be shakin' hands.
Buck Eaton's my name.

What's yours?
Emma Mazda.

But don't mind what I say,
'cause I got one of those
mushroom personalities. Oh-ho.

On account of I work
at Lacey's Basement Store.

You live at home
with your folks, do ya?
Sure, cutie.

But our family ain't all
on the surface.

We really go deep.
I got a brother that
came West to be a miner.

'Course, he couldn't find an
opening, so he became a cowboy.
I'm goin' West to visit him.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean
to tell ya all that.

I guess the hole
in the mountain
just got me, kid.

Yeah, it kinda looks like
it got my steak too.

It's about time
you were bringin' that.

If I hadn't nibbled
this gentleman's knickknacks,
I would've starved.

Your check, miss.
I knew you'd bring
the check on time.

Well, thank you.

You ain't much company, but
you're generous, and that's
a fine thing in a man.

That's what
I always say.

We're almost in my station.
I asked you to bring
my coffee early.

Now I can't even
wait for it to cool.

It's scalding!
Here ya are, lady.
If you're in a hurry, take mine.

It's already saucered
and blowed.
Oh!

Yo!

♪ I'm not the type
that I seem to be ♪

♪ Happy-go-lucky and gay♪

♪ I'm not content
but I dream to be ♪

♪ Happy and lucky
someday♪

♪ I'm free ♪

♪ As the wandering breeze ♪

♪ I'm free to wander
anyplace I please ♪

♪ And yet ♪

♪ I can't escape from you ♪

♪ Oh, I'm free ♪

♪ As the birds
in the trees ♪

♪ I'm even free to sail
those seven seas ♪

♪ And yet ♪

♪ I can't escape from you ♪

♪ I could ride away♪

♪ Or hide away♪

♪ Where we were
miles apart ♪

♪ But when I got there ♪

♪ I'd find you there ♪

♪ Right in my heart ♪

♪ And so you see ♪

♪ That I'm really not free ♪

♪ I'm so afraid you might
escape from me ♪

♪ And yet ♪

♪ I can't escape from you ♪

Who's the lucky girl,
cowboy?

Girl?
Yes, the girl you
can't escape from.

Oh. Where'd
you get that idea?

From your song.

Ain't no girl
chasin' after me.

Are you trying to tell me
you've never been in love?

I thought I was... once.

What was she like?
She was a fine girl.

She was beautiful, but--
But what?

But her father owned
half the oil in Oklahoma.

I got to thinkin' it over,
and-- I'm in no position
to marry or settle down.

I got my ranch
to build and pay for,

and besides,
I couldn't support her
like she was used to.

Is that so important?
It was to me.

I mean, a man
ain't much of a man to let
his father-in-law keep him.

What happened
to the girl?

She got married.

Say, what are you askin' me
all these questions for?
Oh, just curious.

Well, how 'bout yourself?
You ever been in love?

No.

No, that's
the funny part of it.

I never even thought I was.

Well, you're lucky.

♪ I could ride away♪

♪ Or I could hide away♪

♪ Where we were
miles apart ♪

♪ But when I got there ♪

♪ I'd find you there ♪

♪ Right in my hair♪

♪ And so you see ♪

♪ That I'm really not free ♪

♪ I'm so afraid you might
escape from me ♪

♪ And yet ♪

♪ I can't escape from you ♪♪

What a perfect moon.

I don't know.
I hope those clouds
don't mean rain.

It'll be wonderful to sleep
out under the stars.

Well, you can make it
easy on yourself.
Cuddles sleeps inside.

He's too valuable
to be left outdoors
at night.

Might catch cold.

Back, back.

I wonder if there's
a stall for me too. Oh,
I don't want anything elaborate.

Just something simple.

You know, you might
enjoy the trailer.

Now me, I was figurin' to
bed down with Cuddles here.

This is the place.
It's bound to be in
the papers tomorrow.

All we gotta do is
detain her until mornin'.
Detain her.

Oh, no, nix.
Not with that.
Come on now. Very quietly.

I'll stay here.
Wabash, you go first.
I gotta think.

- [Squeaking, Crunching]
- What's that?

Hey, what happened?
That'll hold 'em
'til morning.

Come on.
Let's go.

What's the matter?
He's caught up with you.
The guy you stole that car from.

Oh, I didn't steal it.
Let's not go into that again,
but the door is locked.

Why?
He's gonna keep you here 'til
he gets back with the sheriff.

What would the sheriff
want me for?

I don't know. Probably
for not stealing a car.
What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna try
and get out of here.

[Snapping Fingers]

Say, you got
that red scarf?

Yes, I think so.

Come on, Cuddles.
[ Bellowing]

Look out!

Hurray!
Shh! Quiet!
Come on.

"Doris Halloway Missing."
As if we didn't know.

"5,000 Reward."

"Heiress to millions
disappeared on weddin' night."

Well, it all worked out
just like I predicted.
And we've got the girl.

All we gotta do is
cash her in for five grand.

I oughta make
a lot of little brains
out of that big one.

Now, Wabash!
You get discouraged
too easy.

We'll catch up
with 'em all right.

Why?

I just had to conk somebody.

[Train Whistle
Blows]
Hey, hey!

What's the idea
of puttin' me off
in a vacant lot?

Say, are you followin' me?
Yeah-- No! Where
you goin', honey?

I'm goin' to Fryin' Pan Ranch
because my brother works there.

Well, I'll take you there
myself, sister. That's
where I belong too.

Fact, some of the boys
are sure to be here
to meet me.

[Whinnying]

"Dear Buck: Enclosed
please find your horse."

I guess the boys
couldn't wait for me.
Taxi! Taxi!

Hey, the closest taxi stand
is in Tucson.

They can probably hear ya
all right, but it'd take 'em
two days to get here.

Oh, why did I ever
come out here?

I wanna tell you, honey,
this is God's country.

Nothin' but sunshine.
[Thunder Rumbling]

Yeah, remind me to send
a bucket of sunshine
back to the folks.

I don't think we better try
to make it to the big ranch
in this weather on one horse.

But we can make it
to my little ranch all right.

Well, I never been
on a horse before.

Here's your suitcase.
It's kinda hard to hang on
and hold a suitcase.

I'm awful sorry
about that.

You better take
the other one too. It'll
help you keep your balance.

Gee, thanks, kid.

[ Horse Whinnying]

Wha-Wha--
What happened?
I think we've stopped.

How did we get on this
cattle trail, anyhow?

The highway was closed.
I had to detour.

[Doris]
Oh, look.

There's a house.
Maybe we can go up there.

No, I know that place.
There's nobody up there.

Well, come on.
Dig!

Hey! Hey!

Ya dummy!
You're backin' up!

What are you yelling
at me for? You're in
your beloved West, aren't you?

Why don't you lie down
and wallow in it?

Out where the gears
shift a little harder,

and the dust is a little thicker
and the mud a whole lot deeper.

Where a girl rates
a little lower, and
a bull rates a little higher.

And the men are a whole lot--
a whole lot awfuller.

That's where
the West begins.

Well, maybe you better
go on up in the house then.

[g*nsh*t]

Jeff! Jeff!

There, there, honey.
There, there.

Oh, go away.

Come on. We'll just
go up to that house
and take care of you.

Don't go in there.
Why not?
It's my house.

But somebody
tried to sh**t me.
He almost hit me.

There's a m*rder*r
in there.
[ Laughing]
Oh, no.

Take it easy, honey. You just
walked into an old-fashioned
Western g*n trap.

A g*n trap?
Sure.

Grandpa set it
for Grandma.

Well, the men
in your family!
[ Laughing]

Gee, I'm sorry about
the shotgun goin' off and
scarin' you and everything.

Oh, that's all right.
You know, that darn fool Buck
must've reloaded it.

He's been up here lately,
all right. I can tell
by the dirt around.

I'm afraid Buck ain't
much of a housekeeper.

Aren't they cute!
Oh, these?

Yeah, they belonged
to Grandma Jill Larabee.

Gosh, she was sure
set on 'em. You know she
wouldn't come West without 'em?

Shut up!
What do ya think
this is, a tourist camp?

Ya oughta be in bed,
the both of you.

And besides,
you're trespassin',
and ya gotta scram.

W-W-What are you
doin' here?
I'll show ya!

Buck! Buck!

- Buck!
- Buck?

Buck! Hey, Buck!
Come up here!

Oh, Emma, you're gettin'
prettier ever' day.

[Emma]
Buck!

Hey, Buck!

Well?
What's the matter,
sugar pie?

Oh, what are you
doin' here?

I'm waitin'
for an explanation.

Uh, when you've
thought of it, I'd
be glad to hear it.

Why, hello,Jeff.

Oh, you mean her.
Oh, well, I can
explain that.

You see, I wanted
to come out here
on a hog train,

but, uh, Emma here, uh--

Well,Jeff, I hope
you don't think there's
anything between, uh--

Oh,Jeff, now you know
I ain't no romantic man.

Eh, the menfolks
in my family never was
much of a hand for romance.

But I had an uncle down home;
he went with a girl one time...

for, uh--

Oh, he went with her
for, uh--

Let's see now.
What did he go
with her for?

Travel sure broadens a person.
Especially travel on a horse.

Ah, a horse ain't so bad,
if you meet him halfway.

Halfway? Well, why wasn't
the horse upholstered?
I did my part.

Bein' partners
is a whole lot
like bein' married.

You worry about
the most triflin' things--
You worrying about me?

No offense, ma'am,
but, well, uh--

You take Emma for instance.

She's a steady,
sensible girl.

She's got a job back East
and a family.

You know where you stand
with her, but--

But you know
nothing about me.

No, and as far
as I can see,
Jeff don't neither.

No offense now.
Oh, not at all.

As a matter of fact,
I'm glad you brought that up.
You see, I'm in love with Jeff.

In love with him?
Yes, and I've
lied to him.

You have?
Well, at least I haven't
told him the truth.

That's why I asked you
to ride with me. Maybe
you can tell me what to do.

Hi, fellas!
Yoo-hoo!

Who are they?
I don't know them
either. Hi, kids.

Hey, that's the cowboy
we've been trailin'.
But he switched girls on us.

He has, huh? Well,
maybe you think we could
get five grand for this one.

Did you see her?
Not in Confederate money.

Come on.
We gotta find out what
happened to the money baby.

Why, I've crossed
the continent with Jeff,
and it wasn't easy.

I've pumped up tires
in a covered wagon.

And I've ruined manicures
cooking over campfires.

And in spite of his
prejudices, I'm going
to be a pioneer too.

When are you
gonna tell him?
First time I see him.

I wouldn't, miss. It ain't
hard to confess a thing to Jeff
if you wait for the right time.

Now take me, for instance.

I knew he was gonna be mad
because I missed that train.

But you notice I didn't bust
right out with an explanation
the minute I seen him.

That wouldn't have done
no good at all.

I waited for the right time.

I never said a thing
'til about 4:00 this mornin'.

And he was awful nice about it.
Never said a word.

Just kept right on snorin'.

So, if I was you, miss,
I'd marry him first...

and then tell him, well,
whenever you get around to it.

Arizona, I am here!
Yoo-hoo! Yippee!

Welcome, stranger.
Hiya, Shorty.

Hello,Jeff!
Well, if it ain't Mischa.

Boys, this is Emma,
friend of Buck's.
He'll be along soon.

Hi, kids.
Ain't she somethin'!

This is Gila, Shorty,
Socks, Bickie--
Hey, what's that?

Why, that's Mischa,
our Russian cowboy.

I used to be a Cossack.
But the revolution...
[Spits, Snaps Fingers]

laid me off.

Take care of her, will ya,
boys? Come on, Shorty.
Wanna look the place over?

Sure, Jeff.
My brother.
Where's my brother?

I'm lookin' for my brother!
What's your brother's
name, lady?

Well, I ain't seen him
in 20 years, but his name
used to be Mazda.

Wild Horse Mazda.
Yoo-hoo!

Let me see my great, big,
sunburned brother.

Can she mean
Gopher Mazda?
I'm afraid so.

This way.
Yoo-hoo!

No, ma'am, we ain't heard
a word from Miss Ryland
since she left for New York.

Well, that's strange.
Is there a telephone
I could use?

Yes'm. Right in the
ranch house. I'll show ye.
Oh, thanks.

Hello. Operator,
get me New York, please.

Butterfield-8-2598.

No, ma'am.
Your father
no get-um telegram.

He plenty worried.
Follow you--

Just a little well
I dug this mornin'.
Plenty deep too.

Gosh, Brother.
Ain't it a beauty?

Hey, hold on there, Emma.
Don't be tempted.
You know your family failin'.

Seems to me you're takin'
a mighty high hand
with my sister.

Say, what's
this fella to you?
Oh, boy.

Oh, so you're
tryin' to undermine
my baby sister, huh?

Now listen, Gopher. Don't go
puttin' on your track shoes
and jumpin' at conclusions.

Why, I didn't even know
Emma's name 'til the day
after we started kissin'.

Oh, yeah, man.
Where's my irons?
Hand me my sh**t' irons!

Where's my pick?
Where's my shovel?
Gopher, ya got me all wrong.

I've been holdin'
a protectin' arm
around your sister.

Dynamite! Dynamite is
what I'm gonna use on you!
Yippee!

Gopher, stop your bellowing.
You make me nervous.

I can't think of no words when
you keep buttin' in like that.

Well?
Well, what I'm tryin'
to tell you, you little runt,

is that I made up my mind
to marry your sister.

Oh, boy! Oh, yeah, man!
Yoo-hoo!

Yippee!
Oh!

[Crash]
Wait. Better let her be
for a few moments.

At a time like this,
a girl likes to be alone
with her dreams.

I think he's right.
Hey,Jeff, how about
a little celebration?

Since she's engaged to a friend
of mine, sling her a rope; we'll
give her a coming-out party.

♪♪

♪ Ah, the concert was over
in, ah, Carnegie Hall ♪

♪ Ah, the maestro
took bow after bow ♪

♪ He said
My dear friends ♪

♪ I have given my all ♪

♪ I'm sorry
it's all over now ♪

♪ When from the gallery♪

♪ Way up high ♪

♪ I rose from my seat ♪

♪ With this mournful cry♪

♪ Whoa-oh ho-o-o ♪

♪ Mr. Paganini ♪

♪ Please play
my rhapsody♪

♪ And if you
cannot play it ♪

♪ Won't you sing it ♪

♪ And if you can't sing it ♪

♪ You simply have to ♪

♪ Swing it
I say swing it ♪

♪ I mean swing it ♪

♪ Oh, ding-dong-ding it ♪

♪ Oh, la-da-de ♪

♪ La-de-da ♪

♪ Mr. Paganini ♪

♪ We breathlessly await ♪

♪ Your masterful baton
Go on ♪

♪ And sling it ♪

♪ And if you
can't sling it ♪

♪ You simply have to ♪

♪♪ [Scatting]

♪ We've heard
your repertoire ♪

♪ And at the final bar ♪

♪ We greeted you
with wild applause ♪

♪ Whoa-ho-ho
Oh-ho-ho-ho ♪

♪ What a great ovation ♪

♪ Your interpretation ♪

♪ Of whoa-ho ho-ho-ho ♪

♪ Would cause ♪

♪ Oh, la-da-de ♪

♪ La-da-da ♪

♪ Ah, Mr. Paganini ♪

♪ Ah, now don't be a meanie ♪

♪ What have you
up your sleeve ♪
Uh, come on.

♪ And spring it ♪

♪ Or rah-ha-ha-ha ♪

♪ And if you
can't spring it ♪

♪ You'll simply have to ♪

♪♪ [Scatting]

♪♪ [Scatting]
♪♪ [ Echoing Melody]

♪ Whoa-oh oh-oh oh-oh ♪
♪♪ [ Echoing]

♪♪ [Slides]
♪♪ [Voice Sliding,
Faltering]

♪♪ [Scatting]
♪♪ [Trumpet
Echoing]

♪ Swing it
Da-da-do ♪♪

Honey, I sure am
proud of you.

You know, I wonder what
the coyotes are gonna do on
the nights you're singin'.

♪♪

♪ Here's to Buck
Good old Buck ♪

♪ Long may he waver ♪

♪ Have a little drink with us
and do yourself a favor ♪

♪ Drink it down
Drink it down ♪
♪ Drink the flowing cup ♪

♪ Drink it down
Drink it down ♪
♪ 'Til you drink it up, Hey♪♪

[Wheezing]
White mule?

No, it's vodka.
I made myself.
[Spitting]

Special. Now
break the glass.
Throw it down.
Huh?

It's good luck
in my country.

♪♪

♪ Here's to Emma
Good old Emma ♪

♪ Long may she waver ♪

♪ Have a little drink with us
and do yourself a favor ♪

♪ Drink it down
Drink it down ♪
Hey, go away with that stuff!

Don't go corrodin'
my Emma.
♪ 'Til you drink it up, Hey♪♪

I can't take it.
[ Laughing]

Did you tell him yet?
No, I'm afraid to.

Well, leave it to me.
What are you gonna do?

Wait and see.
Folks! Everybody!
One minute, please.

I suppose
all of you know that
me and Jeff are partners.

Well, I believe
that partners should
share and share alike.

Now I'm engaged
to the sweetest
little girl in the world,

but my partner Jeff here--

Hey, wait a minute.
Now don't get riled up,
sweetheart.

Jeff's got a girl
of his own, and, uh,

even if he hasn't
popped the question
to her direct,

I know he's kind of
talked around it--

Buck, you mustn't--
So what I say is,

Jeff, speak right up
like a real man and
a good partner,

and let's make it
a double engagement.

[Cheering]

Well, that's--
That's true what he says.

He's my partner,
all right, but...

that don't give him no right
to do my proposin' for me.

Well, just the same,
as long as he spilled it,
what do you say, Lois?

But,Jeff, I haven't--
You're in love with him.
You told me so yourself.

Oh, boy!
♪ Here's to Jeff
Good old Jeff♪♪

Oh, no. Hey,
wait a minute. Here.

♪ Here's to Lois, good old Lois
Long may she waver ♪

♪ Have a little drink with us
and do yourself a favor ♪

♪ Drink it down
Drink it down ♪
♪ Drink the flowing cup ♪

♪ Drink it down, drink it down
'til you drink it up, Hey♪♪

I can't take it.

[Guests]
Oh, good luck.
Good luck.

♪ Here's to Hector
Good old Hector
Long may he waver♪

I wanna tell ye you're
gettin' a mighty fine boy when
you're gettin' Jeff Larabee.

- Thank you.
- ♪ Drink it down
Drink it down♪

- ♪ Drink the flowing cup♪
- ♪ Drink it down, drink it down
'tilyou drink it up♪♪

We'll keep this one
and puncture the rest
so they can't follow us.

The tires!
Their gas tanks, stupid.

This is my turn.

This is fun, ain't it?
This is gonna make
them cowboys awful mad.

Sure, if they
find out about it.
Let's break some more.

♪♪ ["I'm An Old Cowhand"]

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪
♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ I'm an old cowhand
from the Rio Grande ♪

♪ And I come to town
just to hear the band ♪

♪ I'm a cowboy who
never seed a cow ♪

♪ Never roped a steer
'cause I don't know how ♪

♪ And I sure ain't fixin'
to startin' now ♪

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ He's an old cowhand
from the Rio Grande ♪

♪ But he'd rather be
in a good swing band ♪

♪ They fed me hot tamales
the day I was born ♪

♪ I been red-hot
ever since that morn ♪

♪ When I start to cool
I just grab my horn ♪

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ He's an old cowhand
from the Rio Grande ♪

♪ Where the West is wild
round the borderland ♪

♪ Where the buffalo
roam around the zoo ♪

♪ And the Injuns run up
a rug or two ♪

♪ The old Bar X
is a barbecue, Whoa ♪

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Oh, yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ He's an old cowhand
from the Rio Grande ♪

♪ And he learned to ride
'fore he learned to stand ♪

♪ I'm riding fool
who is up-to-date ♪

♪ I know every trail
in the Lone Star state ♪

♪ And I ride the range
in a Ford V-8 ♪

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ He's an old cowhand
from the Rio Grande ♪

♪ And he done retired
livin' off the land ♪

♪ I spend all my time
at the hotel bar ♪

♪ With a planter's punch
and a big cigar ♪

♪ 'Cause my old ranch horse
is a movie star ♪

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Oh, yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ She's an old cowgal
Just a regular pal ♪

♪ They don't call me Emma
They just call me Al ♪

♪ We're so gosh-darn horsey
around our way♪

♪ We don't say howdy
We just say"hay" ♪

♪ We don't answer
We all just neigh ♪

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ I'm just an old cowhand ♪

♪ Down from the Rio Grande ♪

[ Emma]
♪ Oh, yeah, man ♪

♪ And I can round up herd ♪

♪Just to b*at the band ♪

♪ Oh, tell me ♪

♪ Now I'm a "pie-on-ear" ♪

♪ Who began from scratch ♪

♪ I don't bat an eye
in a sh**t' match ♪

♪ I'll be foreman soon
if my plans all hatch ♪

♪ Oh, yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ They're old cowhands
from the Rio Grande ♪

♪ And we sing duet
in the cowboy band ♪

♪ You should hear us
a-make-a with a hi-de-ho ♪

♪ You should hear us
make with below, below ♪
♪ Below, below ♪

♪ And both join in
with a ho-ho-ho ♪

♪ Yippee-o
Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ Ho-ho-ho ♪
♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

Here's to Emma.
Good old Emma.
Go away from me.

♪ Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay
Yippee-aye-o-ki-ay♪

I can't take it.

Whatever your troubles,
your employees don't seem
to worry.

Well, they're going to.
I'll drop the bags
inside.

Shut up. Shut up.
Oh, I-I think
you're marvelous.

Young lady,
I don't think
I know you.

Well, it wouldn't
do you any good.
Be quiet, and go away.

I-I-I'm quiet.
I'm quiet.

I just think I'm
the cutest one, that's all.

I'm not interested
except in being alone.
A-Alone?

Say, listen,
can you sing "Trees"?
No!

Oh, I think
you're marvelous.
I-I think you're beautiful.

Hey.
Hey.

Hey!
My dear young lady,
will you please go away?

But I-I'm not
botherin' anybody. I--

Listen, never mind
what anybody says.
You wear that suit.

I must say,
you're the most annoying
person I've ever met.

Oh, I don't know.
I just think I'm
the prettiest one, that's all.

Well, if you'll pardon me,
I must join Miss Ryland.

Two-timin' me for
another dame, huh?

Well, I'm in no mood
for flattery.

Now you-- Singing--

♪ 'Cause every little tree ♪

♪ That fills the breeze ♪

♪ With rare and magic
perfume ♪

♪ Oh, no, it isn't the trees ♪

♪ It's love in bloom ♪♪

Knock me down, huh?
I didn't touch you.

Shut up. Why, I oughta
let you have it.
I didn't touch you.

Shut up! I oughta
give you a hit in the head.
I didn't touch you!

Who you think are, anyhow?

Young woman, you're crazy!

♪♪ ["I'm An Old Cowhand"
Continues]

Stop that noise.
Aunt Penny,
Penny!
when did you get here?

Missing heiress
found at last, huh?

Well, I hope you're
proud of yourself.
As for you,Jeff Larabee,

I never thought you'd
do a thing like this.

Sneakin' away with my niece.
[Father] We've been
worried frantic.

The police of ten states
huntin' for her, and you
got her hid here...

so you could marry
her and her money.
We'll see about that.

Dad! Aunt Penny!
Don't you go stickin' up
for this he gold digger.

I'll have plenty
to say to you later.

- Jeff.
- Now, Doris, please.

Listen a minute,Jeff.
There's somethin'--

I've heard
all I wanna hear.

Leave me alone.
What right had you to
say those things to him?

He thought I was out of work
and broke, and he protected me
as though I were his own sister.

He's the finest, nicest,
most decent man I ever knew.

And I love him!

Penny Ryland, you got
one terrible weakness.

You sh**t off
your mouth too much.

And that's one fault
I can't abide...
in other people.

Excuse me.

Jeff! Please,Jeff!

Hello, lady.
Hi, toots.
See that man?

Stop him. I'll give you
$5,000 if you catch him.

Somethin's gone wrong here.
That's not the way
we figured it.

Well, it all worked out
like I planned.
Get in, lady.

Come on, stupid.

Okay, Wabash, we got
Yeah.
him surrounded.
Don't hurt him.

You got room in there
for my things too?

Still havin' fun
with me, huh?
Oh, no,Jeff.

I've never been
more serious in my life.
Please try to understand.

I thought it would
all be cleared up
when we got to the ranch.

Then Aunt Penny
wasn't there and--

Then Buck said--

Oh, what's the use?