South Park: (Not Suitable For Children) (2023)

[bunniefuu]

MTV.

Cred has more electrolytes

than Gatorade or Prime.

And now Cred has a new flavor:

Cherry Bubblegum.

Eric, do you really need

to bring three bottles

of that drink to school?

Mom, a kid today is defined

by their hydration drink.

I have to have more Cred

than anyone else.

I got Cred, b*tches

I got Cred

I got Cred, b*tches

I got Cred

I got Kiwi Lime

I got Gooble Grape

You got no Cred, b*tches

But I got mine

We got Cred, b*tches,

we got Cred

Our teeth are blue, b*tches

Our tongues are red...

Yeah, but it's, like, seriously,

look at how it's suddenly

everybody now.

Like that Spencer Hollis kid.

He never even cared about Cred,

he just drinks it

'cause some stupid influencer

said it's cool now.

Hey, hey, Clyde,

where's your Cred?

Oh, um, it's in my...

I-I already drank it.

See? That's what

I'm talking about.

Clyde likes Cred so much that

he drank all his before noon.

That's a real Cred drinker.

Unlike all the poser

Cred drinkers

like Spencer Hollis!

f*ck you.

f*ck you, Spencer,

you're a f*cking poser!

It's literally everywhere now.

These crazy hydration drinks

that say they're healthy,

but are loaded with fake sugars

and not safe for children.

Why now? Why are kids

suddenly so into these things?

Online influencers.

They promote this stuff to kids

to make money.

I don't know what kind of

scumbags would push adult things

on something they know

kids will watch.

You guys, we have a big problem.

-What is it?

-It's about the South Park

elementary art teacher.

Mrs. Streibel? What about her?

We just found out

that she's been...

doing p*rn videos

on OnlyFans.

-Oh, no.

-Oh, yes.

There's gonna be

a big meeting tonight,

and everybody's gonna see it.

Everyone, let's try

to be civil here.

Be civil?

How are we supposed to go home

and explain to our children that

their art teacher is a slut?

She is not a slut.

Mrs. Streibel is a woman

engaging in a legal activity

on a website

that is for adults only.

Of course kids are gonna see it.

They see everything

on the Internet.

Well, the problem is you guys

buy your kids phones, okay?

Just like you buy them all these

unhealthy hydration drinks.

Oh, don't turn this

around on us.

We can't control

what our kids drink

or what they watch.

They're your kids.

Many teachers

are struggling to get by

and need ways to supplement

their income.

Mrs. Streibel makes close

to minimum wage as a teacher,

but on OnlyFans, she makes

an extra $10,000 a week.

It doesn't matter

how much she made,

we're talking about someone

who influences our children.

Did she say $10,000 a week?

Listen, we have suspended

Mrs. Streibel indefinitely,

okay?

But over the next few days,

you should probably talk

to your kids

about what they might

have seen, m'kay.

Uh, hey, Clyde, w-why don't you

come over here and have a seat?

What?

Uh, have a seat, pal.

We need to talk to you.

Clyde...

we're understanding

that some tough things

have been going on at school.

Yes. Yes, they have.

All right, well, we know

that some of the stuff

you're dealing with

might be kind of disturbing.

Yes, it's totally disturbing,

yes.

All right, Clyde, well,

we want to try and help you.

Really? You do?

Oh, thank God. Finally.

Yeah, pal,

let-let me explain to you

what "double penetration" is.

Double penetration?

See, in your art teacher's

OnlyFans page,

her and two men,

who love each other very much,

wanted to express that love...

Dad, nobody cares

about double penetration.

My life at school is awful

because you don't let me drink

hydrating sports drinks

like all the other kids.

Clyde, we've told you,

those things are filled

with additives and fake sugar,

and they're not good

for children.

You're not even

my real mom, Janice,

so why don't you

shut the f*ck up?

Clyde, that's enough.

Every other kid at school

is allowed to have it.

They all have Cred,

but I have zero Cred

because my dad

and his stupid girlfriend

think it's bad for me.

Why do you want to be

like all the other kids?

Shut up, Janice,

you're not my mom!

All right, Clyde, we're trying

to have a nice talk with you

about double penetration,

and you can just go

to your room now.

Fine!

Thanks a lot

for making sure your son

is the only kid in school

without any Cred!

It's like nobody

understands me, you know?

Like, all these stupid boomers

and people over 40

don't know how hard it is

for young people.

-Yeah.

-Like, yo, if you guys

feel the same way,

just leave a comment down below

and smash that like button.

You know, the most important

thing is just to be yourself.

And when I feel like

I can't be myself,

that's when I need a hydration

drink that'll pick me up.

That's when I need Cred.

It's the coolest sports drink

in the world.

Cred is 100% sugar-free.

Cred has electrolytes

so you can ride your bike.

And also,

Cred has more vitamin A

than your body

could possibly ever use.

I can't feel my face.

Drink Cred

or you're a piece of sh*t.

Drink Cred at your school today.

Hey, guys, I know there's

a lot of influencers out there

trying to get your attention.

And I just hope that

you'll maybe take a moment

to check out what I have to say

here on My OnlyFans page.

I hope you're all doing great,

and if you're watching this PPV,

I hope you'll consider

subscribing.

If you want me

to give a shout-out

for your social media,

I can do that.

And if you want a custom,

just let me know

if there's anything special

you want to see.

-What the f*ck are you doing?

-Oh! Hey, Sharon,

just supplementing my income.

Are you serious right now?

All right, all right,

Sharon, yes,

I am an OnlyFans model.

And I'm not ashamed of it.

g*dd*mn it, Randy.

What is with all the stigma

Americans have anyway, huh?

It's just my penis, Sharon.

It's not a big deal.

No, it's definitely

not a big deal.

Okay, good. Thank you.

All I'm doing

is taking back control

of my sexuality on a platform

that I can benefit from

financially.

So you're just gonna sit here

and jack off

for four hours a week just

to make a few extra dollars?

I jack off

two hours a week anyways.

Now I just do it

a little bit more

and make enough money to pay

for the increase in gas prices.

If your children find out

about this,

they are going to leave home.

Children aren't allowed

on OnlyFans, Sharon.

It's totally safe.

Kids aren't gonna see this.

Hey, Butters, Tweek,

you guys got a second?

-For what?

-Okay, you know how, like,

some kids in this school

really like Cred

and others just pretend to,

but really they're posers

like Spencer Hollis?

Well, I think we should

start a Cred affinity group.

What's an affinity group?

It's where you, like,

divide people into groups

and single them out in order

to make other people feel bad.

See, it's like

we're the legit Cred drinkers,

and we should just let

the very coolest kids

into our affinity group.

Oh, hey, Clyde.

-Where's your Cred?

-Oh, it's just, uh...

-it's, uh, in my backpack again.

-Oh, that's cool.

You guys think we should let

Clyde into our affinity group?

Yeah, I like Clyde.

Oh, hey, Stan. Do you want

to be in our affinity group?

-What's an affinity group?

-It's like where people separate

into little clubs by, like,

skin color or religious beliefs

and talk about how much better

they are than everyone else.

Usually, white people

can't be in an affinity group,

but it's for a drink,

so they have to let us.

That's not what

an affinity group is.

Uh, yeah, well,

no one's inviting you, Kyle.

'Cause it looks like

you don't even have any Cred.

Yeah, I do, it's in my backpack.

Oh, sure,

it's in his backpack, guys.

Yeah, let's see it, then.

It's right here. We drink

way more Cred than you guys do.

Oh, yeah, right. Tweek drinks

four bottles of Cred

for breakfast.

I don't want to be a part

of any affinity group.

It just sounds like trouble.

Yeah, well, we don't want you.

'Cause you just pretend

to like Cred

'cause it's a fad right now

like all the other lame-o's

in this school.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Clyde, you got a sec?

-For what?

-I was just gonna talk to you

about your backpack.

-W-What about my backpack?

-Well, it's just...

You know, it's really best

to have a backpack

that's got a water bottle pouch

to put your Cred in.

See, like, see how

y-you can see, like,

you can see my Cred bottle

from the outside?

You just go like this,

and everyone-everyone

can see your Cred?

You're just like,

"Oh, hey, what's going on?

"Oh, yeah, sweet,

check out my Cred.

It's, like, right here."

Um, well, I-I don't think

I can get a new backpack

till my birthday.

Well, maybe just, like,

use some tape or something

to make your own bottle pouch?

You know, we definitely

don't want you to look

like you don't have any Cred.

All right,

see you in class, brah.

Hey, Sharon. Can we talk?

I feel like there's

a lot bad things going on

in the world, and it gets so

confusing sometimes, you know?

I think, as Americans, we watch

news about things happening

in the Middle East and we just

don't want to get involved.

And I know it can feel like

"What can I do?

I'm not special, how could I

ever make a difference?"

But we can't let ourselves

think like that.

Sometimes what it takes

is just one person

to start a movement.

One person, and then

everyone else might follow.

I am not subscribing

to your OnlyFans page, Randy.

Okay, well, you're a c**t.

Yeah, that looks good.

Maybe a little higher

on your side, Butters.

Yeah, that's great. I think

everyone can see that now.

That should definitely

make people feel unwelcome.

Hey.

Hey...

What's goin' on?

So... are you, like,

selling Cred?

What? Selling hydration drinks

on school grounds

is against the rules.

Come here, come here.

What the-- Hey, what are you--

What the hell are you doing?

If you're wearing a wire,

I will kick your ass.

Bro, I'm not wearing a wire!

Do you have Cred or not?

Sure, I got Cred.

What are ya looking for?

A little...

Watermelon Strawberry?

No, no, do you have any ones

that don't taste like total ass?

Oh, you want the good sh*t.

I got your Bubblegum Grape

right here.

Okay, how much?

Eighty bucks.

$80? For a shitty

fake-sugar drink?

What do you think

I'm runnin' here,

a f*cking charity

for the homeless?

How about some

Oatmeal Nummy Nums?

I can get you into that for $65.

I don't have $65.

What can I get for three bucks?

Three bucks? Oh, sure.

For that, you can get

an empty Cred bottle.

-What good is that gonna do me?

-It's easy.

You just fill

your empty bottle with water,

add a little food coloring.

Everyone thinks you got Cred

when you actually have no Cred.

I'm not giving you three dollars

for just plastic garbage!

Cool thing, man.

You just go back into the school

without any Cred at all.

See how long you last.

Here!

Hey, guys, it's your boy Randy,

and in this video we're doing

authentic pad Thai

for under $6.

Now we're gonna start

with some medium shrimp

and some rice noodles.

For the wet ingredients,

we're looking at a couple eggs,

some fish and also soy sauce.

And then for garnish, we're

gonna do a little cilantro,

green onion, and then of course,

we're gonna top that all off

with some fresh nuts.

Those nuts are gonna give it

that extra bite.

Now, if you like

what you're seeing

be sure to smash

that subscribe button.

-And--

-Get your balls off the table!

Oh, oh, great Sharon

you just ruined the sh*t!

The guys at the deli wanted me

to say hi, Randy.

They all saw you on OnlyFans.

Really?

Are they gonna subscribe?

No, they're not going

to subscribe.

Nobody's going

to subscribe, Randy.

Will you f*cking stop?

This stuff takes time!

You don't just put up a page

and immediately get followers.

You have to support it

with other social media,

have a craft to teach...

Being an influencer

takes time, Sharon!

Oh, so now

you're an influencer?

Yes! I'm an influencer.

Maybe you should see

how it feels, Randy.

Maybe I should go

and do my own OnlyFans.

What? What?

Yeah, like people are gonna pay

to see your OnlyFans.

I'll make more than you do!

Sharon, being

an influencer is work.

You got to pay for the lighting,

for the sound,

you got to be good at editing!

Okay. Cool, Randy.

I'm gonna go start

an OnlyFans channel.

Ok-okay.

Okay, you go do that, Sharon!

I'm gonna f*ckin' do it!

Okay, yeah, go supplement

our income, Shar...

Sharon?

You got this day, bro!

You're strong and I'm gonna

keep on making videos for you.

I've got Cred, b*tches

I've got Cred

I've got Cred, b*tches

I've got Cred.

Hey, guys, we're having

a Cred affinity group meeting

today at 4:00.

Nobody's allowed but us, okay?

Hey, Jordan.

We're having a meeting today.

You can't come.

Affinity group meeting

today, Sally.

You're not invited.

Well, I think that's just

about everyone.

Tweek, did you tell

Spencer Hollis

he's not allowed

in the affinity group?

Yeah. You told me

to call him last night.

He didn't seem to care.

-Yeah, he cares.

-Oh, there's Clyde!

Hey, Clyde. Look at you

with your nice new backpack.

Oh, uh, yeah.

You guys like it?

Yeah, it's really cool.

You can see your Cred now.

Yeah, it's really nice

the way your Cred is--

Oh, my God! Clyde!

You got Moonrise Mellow?

How the hell did you get

a bottle of Moonrise Mellow?

Oh, it was just, uh,

what my parents gave me today.

You guys,

Moonrise Mellow is, like,

the hardest flavor to get ever.

-Whoa, lucky.

-Yeah, hey, I'm not sharing.

-Hey, Stan. Hey, Stan.

-No, no, dude, wait.

Check out what Clyde has.

Moonrise Mellow.

That's impossible.

Look at their faces.

They're so jealous.

No, it's really impossible.

Moonrise Mellow was

discontinued months ago.

Guess you wish now that you were

in the Cred affinity group.

We told you guys we have better

Cred than anyone at school.

It's probably fake.

Oh! Oh, you think

it's fake, huh?

You want to f*cking taste it?

What the f*ck?

This is f*cking apple juice.

Gross!

-Let's see.

-Hey, give it back.

Yeah, it's apple juice.

You guys are posers.

We're not posers!

Hey, guys. Cred affinity group

uses fake Cred.

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck

have you done, Clyde?

I'm sorry, okay?

Oh, he's sorry.

He faked having Cred,

but he's sorry!

All right, look, my parents

won't let me drink Cred, okay?

They think it's bad for me.

So you never had Cred?

No.

Oh, my God!

We all said you had Cred

in your backpack, Clyde.

We f*cking backed you!

What the hell are we gonna do?

Why do you guys care?

I'm the one who doesn't

have any Cred!

That's not how it works, man!

If you don't have Cred,

then everyone around you

loses all their Cred.

We're dead.

We're f*ckin' dead.

Word is gonna spread

through the school

that our affinity group

has no Cred

and then we're gonna--

How could you do this

to us, Clyde?

I'm sorry.

It was all the pressure.

I never even wanted to be

in an affinity group.

Now I'm doomed!

Ooh... oh. Oh, yeah.

-You like that, guys?

-Oh, my God.

-Oh... Oh, God.

-Oh, my God. She did it.

-Mm... Oh, yeah.

-She actually did it.

-She actually got

more subscribers than me.

-Ooh, yeah, guys.

Oh, yeah.

Just let me know

if there's anything special

you'd like to see, guys.

-3,100 subscribers.

-Ooh...

-Oh, oh, yeah...

-How is that possible?

I mean, look at that,

the lighting sucks.

The sound keeps clipping

like she got a microphone

at Walmart or something.

And who's that guy?

He's blocking half the sh*t.

-Oh, oh, ooh...

-This is total amateur hour!

Thanks for calling

OnlyFans customer support.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I just found out

that my wife has

an OnlyFans page,

and in one day she has

more subscribers than me.

I'm starting to think

this whole thing is rigged.

Well, it is slightly easier

for our female content creators

to find an audience.

Look, my wife can't become

a bigger influencer than me.

I'll never hear the end of it.

Well, sir, have you been trying

the pointers we discussed

to reach a larger audience?

Yes! I added a skill.

I'm advertising my OnlyFans page

with TikTok and Instagram.

What about optimizing

your algorithm?

Oh, um, how do I do that?

No, no, no.

Not with your penis.

See, what a lot

of influencers will do is

they talk about things

and show things in their videos

that are trending.

Then you can hashtag that,

and the search engines will

think your content is trending.

So I... add stuff to my videos

that's popular,

and people will

accidentally go to my page

trying to search

for that popular thing.

Exactly.

That's perfect!

But what's trending most

on the Internet right now?

Oh, hey there, Clyde.

How was school?

You want to know how school was?

It f*cking sucked!

All I wanted was to have

a little bit of Cred at school,

but now I've destroyed it

and everyone hates me!

Oh, Clyde, we're always trying

to do what's best for you.

And you shut

the f*ck up, Janice!

-You are not my mom.

-Clyde!

I seriously can't stand

how stupid people are sometimes.

That's why I do

all my pranks and stuff.

Sometimes it's impossible

to stay positive

when everyone sucks so hard.

If you like

what I'm saying in this video,

smash that like button

down below.

You know, the thing is,

when you really feel

the most down,

that's when you got to

fight the hardest, you know?

I'm gonna give you 10 tips

to being tougher.

But first I want to give

a shout-out to our sponsor

Cred hydration drinks!

Cred gives you all

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And now Cred has an all-new

exclusive flavor.

Introducing new Mega Cred.

It's a super limited edition

only available

to a select few.

And Cred's doing a big giveaway

and maybe these super limited

edition bottles can be yours.

So I looked it up,

and there's this drink

called Cred

that's the most searched thing

on the internet.

I figured if I can get my hands

on some of the more

hard to get bottles

and put them in my videos,

maybe I'll get more traffic.

Everyone says maybe

you can help me.

Cred? What's Cred?

Never heard of it.

Okay, look,

I'm not wearing a wire.

You want to see?

No, no, I don't want to see!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm looking for a lot of Cred.

Maybe I can even get them

to eventually sponsor

my adult web channel.

Oh, okay. Then you'll want

some of the harder stuff

that's marketed

for adults only.

Like maybe...

Peppa Pig Peppermint.

That doesn't sound like

it's marketed for adults.

Oh, well, maybe you want to try

the I'm a Big Boy Blueberry.

All right, look, just--

How much for the whole bag?

You want my whole bag of Cred?

I want you to supply me

with every bottle of Cred

you can find.

I have to have more subscribers

than my wife.

Eric, sweetie,

are you feeling any better?

No, Mom, I'm dying.

I've been completely

discredited.

Eric, everything is going

to be okay at school tomorrow.

It's too late.

I've already stepped down

as founder and chairman

of my own affinity group.

You'll find my letter of

resignation on the nightstand.

I'm choosing to step down

before all those sick bastards

at school try and force me out.

Well, you need to sit up

for just a minute.

Your little friend Clyde

wants to talk to you.

Clyde? No, no, no, no, no.

Do not let-- Mom!

Do not let Clyde in my--

Aw, g*dd*mn it.

What do you guys want?

Eric, Clyde has an idea

that might save our Cred.

Nothing is going to save

our Cred, you boners.

Will you just listen?

My influencer said there's

gonna be a big Cred promotion

at a CVS in Pueblo.

A promotion, great.

They're gonna sell

a very limited quantity

of an all-new Cred

that nobody's even tried yet.

So we could ditch school,

find a way to get to Pueblo

and come back with a Cred

nobody else can even get.

We'd have our Cred back.

We followed Clyde before,

you guys,

and it cost us everything.

Look, 50 cases of Cred,

only available tomorrow

200 miles away

and then not available

for another six months.

It's called Mega Cred.

All right, you son of a bitch.

Maybe our affinity group

isn't dead just yet.

Hey, what up, guys?

It's your boy Randy.

In this video,

I'm gonna be trying out

six different flavors

of the newest sports drink.

As you can see, I've got

lots of Cred. Do you like Cred?

If so, leave a comment

down below,

and maybe smash

that like button.

Okay, we're gonna start

with Summer Popsicle.

I guess it's pretty popular.

Smells okay.

Let's see how good it is.

Ooh. Oh, okay, yeah.

That one's kind of fizzy.

K-Kind of fizzy,

but more on the penis

than it is on them balls.

Yeah, this is really nice.

Oh. Oh, yeah, it looks good.

Yeah, looks delicious.

Oishii.

Hey If you're liking the

content, be sure to subscribe.

Really helps the channel out.

Let's move on

to another flavor now.

This one's called

Purple Snow Globe.

Let's see how it tastes.

Ooh. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Oh?

Oh, my God!

Hey, Sharon!

Sharon, you got to see this!

Oh, there you are, Sharon.

Been out shopping with all

the money you made on OnlyFans?

I'm ready to stop

whenever you are.

Oh, ho! Yeah,

I don't think so, Sharon.

I just had a video on TikTok

with 1,000 views

and a video on Meta with 2,000!

That's gonna drive all the

subscribers to my OnlyFans page.

You said my penis wasn't

a big deal, and now look!

What are you doing

to that Cred bottle?

Oh, that's just

a little trend jumping.

Randy, you know who

drinks Cred, right? Children!

No, it's not even

suitable for children.

Okay, this has to stop, Randy.

The only views you're getting on

TikTok and Meta are from kids!

That's not what

the data shows, Sharon.

According to Meta and TikTok,

their audience

is predominately people

over the age of 22.

That means it's not kids

who care about Cred,

it's adults

who want to see my d*ck.

Randy, please.

Let's just call it a tie, okay?

Oh, I bet you'd love that now.

Now that my OnlyFans is

about to be bigger than yours.

I'm gonna b*at your ass, honey!

Oh, Jesus, now it looks

like they're doing

a two-bottle max per person.

O-Okay, so two bottles each.

That means we'll have eight.

-Is that enough Cred?

-Oh, my God.

No!

We want Cred!

We want Cred!

We want Cred! We want Cred!

Dude, there's like

2,000 kids here.

Don't these losers have

anything better to do

than fight over a shitty drink?

Come on, we gotta make our way

to the front.

Tom, I'm standing

outside the CVS in Pueblo

where thousands of children

have shown up to get some Cred.

The fake sugar hydration drink

is considered

not suitable for children

and yet kids

are literally fighting

to get their hands

on this limited edition.

I'll be covering the whole thing

live here on my OnlyFans page.

Just DM me if there's anything

custom you'd like to see.

Dude, this is f*cking crazy!

There's never gonna be

enough Cred for everybody!

Oh, my God. No. No!

It's f*cking Spencer Hollis.

Hey, stop pushing, kid.

What's he doing here,

that dirty son a bitch?

He f*cking ditched school

to come get Cred

and he doesn't even like it!

He's a f*cking poser!

We want Cred! We want Cred!

We want Cred!

The delivery truck!

Ah!

-Ah! Get away!

-Give me Cred!

You're all a bunch

of animals! Ah!

Cred! Give me the Cred!

I got to have Cred!

We want Cred! We want Cred!

Okay, go, go, go!

Okay, okay, it's here,

you bastards.

-Come in and-- Ah!

-I was here--

Tweek's not gonna make it,

you guys.

-Where is it?

-Where's the Cred?

It's over there!

Give me Cred!

Me first! Me first!

Give me the Cred!

Ah! Ah!

There's some, right there! Ah!

It's gone! It's all gone!

Mom!

Spencer?

Start the car! Start the car!

Jesus Christ!

Start the f*cking car, Mom!

Spencer's getting away

with the Cred!

No!

Well, these are extremely

impressive numbers.

It looks like your content's

getting a lot of views online.

Yeah, thanks.

But you see,

what I'm trying to learn now

is how to take

all the views I'm getting

on like Instagram and stuff

and use them

to make myself bigger.

Well, we can help you with that.

You know, to really succeed,

you gotta ask yourself:

What is it that you want

to achieve as an influencer?

Well, what I really want to do

is b*at my wife.

You want to b*at your wife?

I mean, don't we all?

I-I don't understand,

you want to b*at your wife

on Instagram?

I want to b*at her on Instagram,

I want to b*at her on TikTok,

but mostly I want to b*at

the sh*t out of her on OnlyFans

and make a lot

of money doing it.

Hmm. Okay, well, if you can

get the kids to watch

then we can find you a sponsor.

Organizations will do anything

to reach kids these days.

Oh, yeah, yeah,

but, see, my content

actually isn't suitable

for children.

Right. I mean, the data shows

kids aren't the main audience

for any of this stuff, right?

-Right.

-Right.

Mr. Marsh, the thing is,

a sponsor not only gets you cash

but they also help

you push that algorithm

so that their message

is heard through you.

Oh, really?

Yeah, there's gonna be

a lot of companies

that want to pay you to show

your videos to "not kids."

But what we want to do

is get these sponsors

to bid against each other

for your audience.

That's when you become

a big influencer.

And then you can b*at

your wife as much as you want.

Wow.

There's nothing.

Just two more

broken Cred bottles.

And a couple of cans

of SpaghettiOs.

I don't think I can go back.

Go back to what?

Spencer Hollis

has all the Cred now.

Tomorrow, he'll start

his own affinity group

and not let any of us in.

Don't you guys think

this is all f*cked up?

Yeah, f*cked up 'cause of you.

No, I mean what

they're doing to us.

Look at this. My influencer

told me to come down here.

He knew there wasn't gonna

be enough Cred for everyone.

It's like--

It's like they wanted to create

this false scarcity.

Give all us kids FOMO.

If anyone's a FOMO,

Clyde, it's you.

You guys aren't listening.

We've been manipulated.

If kids are willing to fight

and die over this,

then what else would they be

willing to fight and die over?

Nobody in school cared

about hydration drinks

three weeks ago.

My influencer convinced me

to come down here.

What else is

he convincing me to do?

So, maybe if we find

your influencer,

then he can give us Cred?

No!

No, no, no.

I like your angle, Clyde.

Maybe this whole thing

is a sham.

If we can make

the whole thing look stupid,

then we make a Cred

affinity group look stupid.

Then Spencer Hollis will

have nothing to keep us out of.

I just know there's more

to all this than we think.

I know what town

my influencer lives in.

I want some g*dd*mn answers.

Tweek, Butters,

gather up all the Pop-Tarts

and SpaghettiOs you can.

We move out at

oh-ninety-two-hundred.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hi, I'm a big influencer?

My agent sent me here

to find a sponsor?

-Name.

-Uh, Randy Marsh?

It's with five Rs

because there was already

a Randy Marsh on TikTok.

Put this around your neck.

Through that door

and wait with

the other influencers.

Oh, okay, thanks.

Okay, influencers, follow me,

stand in a straight line

and step forward

when your number is called.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

We have some incredible

influencers available today.

They are all

complete freelancers

and looking for sponsors.

First off, we have

influencer number 394

This is BlinkyBlankyGirl.

She has over 10,000 views

on Instagram,

6,800 on TikTok

and is up-and-coming

on Meta and X.

Who would like to own

this influencer?

We'll start the bidding at 20.

20, do I hear 20?

There's 20. Do I hear 25, 25?

Let's hear 25, 25, 30.

25 from Mattel Toys.

Mattel Toys now

the highest bidder at 25.

25, who's gonna go for 30?

30, 30.

30! 30 from Lunchables!

Let's go 50.

50 now, who wants

the influencer?

- 50, 50.

- 100!

100! 100 from the Chinese

government! Can we go 150?

150?

150, 150, yes!

Stoli Vodka at 150.

150, the current bid

from Stoli Vodka.

What about you, Build-A-Bear?

Do we hear from Build-A-Bear?

160! 160 from the NRA,

outbidding Stoli Vodka.

Who wants to influence

the youngins more?

170 from Voices for Ukraine.

Don't let them

outbid you, Russia.

No? Chinese government? No?

Sold to Voices for Ukraine.

Thank you.

I don't understand

what happened.

Just keep making

your stupid videos,

they'll tell you what to say.

Okay, next up we have

influencer number 226.

This is Kevinlovesoranges.

Over six million views

on TikTok, 4,600 on Instagram

and a small following

on X and Meta.

Who wants Kevinlovesoranges

to push their agenda?

We'll start at 40, 40.

China in at 40, China at 40.

Who's gonna go 50?

Russia with 50.

55, 60, Big Pharma at 60.

Kellogg's Cereal.

Ravenclaw Casinos.

Influence the children.

Can I hear 70? Last call for 70.

Sold to the Canadian government,

congratulations.

Our next influencer, number 427.

This is Randy Marrrrrsh.

We'll start the bidding at 50.

50, do I hear 50? 50?

50? No? Come on, Mattel Toys.

Let's hear from you.

How about 40? 40?

How about 40, let's do 40?

Freeze! Nobody move!

Up here! He's up here!

Are you Randy Marrrrrsh?

-Yeah?

-All right, we got him.

Hands behind your back.

Me? I didn't do anything.

I'm just trying

to b*at my wife.

On your knees!

Hands behind your back now!

Hello? Logan LaDouche?

Hello? We know you're in there.

Go away.

I'm in enough trouble as it is.

Look, dude, we just want

to talk to you, okay?

No, not okay. I'm in hiding.

How did you guys find me?

Dude, if you're in hiding,

you shouldn't probably post

videos of yourself

at the motel you're hiding in.

sh*t. sh*t,

I just can't help myself.

Brah, we need to know

the truth about Cred.

I'm sorry, okay?

I didn't mean to cause a riot.

Did Cred want us all

to k*ll each other?

If you found me,

then so can they. Just go.

Okay, okay, fine,

Mr. Influencer,

we'll leave.

- Yeah.

- What the f*ck

are you doing?

Where's the Cred?

You got some Cred?

Butters, Butters, calm down.

They're gonna take me out, man.

I should just turn myself in.

I'll be safer in jail.

Listen, dude, I went to Pueblo

'cause of you.

Why did you tell us

we could get Mega Cred

when you knew

there wasn't enough?

Brah, I don't even

drink that crap.

Don't you get it, man?

I'm just this tiny little piece

of a very big lie.

You guys are all

being manipulated.

I trusted you.

I've watched all your videos,

and you told me to be strong

and never give up.

That's all just Cred

messing with me?

Don't you get it?

I don't work for Cred.

The Cred is just there

to get views, man.

'Cause kids love it so much.

But if Cred isn't your sponsor,

then-then who is?

If you knew,

it would make you sick.

They just use you and Cred

to get to us,

and those higher-up people

can get us

some limited-edition Cred?

-Who has the Cred?

-Butters, Jesus.

Oh, there-there she is.

Hey, Sharon.

This is my wife, Sharon.

She's an OnlyFans model

just like me.

We are both legally

supplementing our income.

So you work

with your husband, ma'am?

No, we have very different

OnlyFans accounts.

I could never do what he does.

Thanks, honey, it's nice for you

to finally admit it.

Now I'd like to know

what I'm being detained for.

Exposing children

to p*rn,

soliciting nude images

to a minor,

child endangerment...

Oh, come on, like it's just me?

Everybody's doing it.

There's an entire network

where everyone just pretends

Internet platforms

aren't made for children

but they all auction our kids

to the highest bidder.

You seem like some kind of

influencer expert.

Would you say these things

on record?

No, 'cause

I'm a sovereign citizen,

and I don't need to tell you

anything.

-Randy, you need to cooperate.

-Why?

I'll tell you why, scumbag.

Your posts drew in

a lot of children,

and they like to copy

what they see.

So then kids started creating

their own erotic content

based on yours.

-What?

-That's right.

We've just found

sexuality explicit,

p*rn images of minors.

I warn you,

what you are about to see

is extremely disturbing

and graphic.

Oh, God. Ugh.

Oh, don't close your eyes now.

You think these miners deserved

to be treated like this?

What have I done? I had no idea.

Randy, you knew kids were

watching your content.

Yeah, but I never knew

it would lead to...

p*rn images of miners.

God, it's disgusting.

Being an influencer

is disgusting.

All right, I'm gonna tell you

everything I know

about how the system works.

This has to stop.

Hey, what's up, guys?

Just wanted to let you all know

that I think

maybe I'm gonna get k*lled

or arrested,

so I'm hiding out

in this motel room.

Be sure to like and subscribe.

It really helps the channel out.

Dude, will you stop

making videos?

I don't know what else

to do, okay?

All I've ever done

is make f*cking videos.

But for who?

You said it wasn't for Cred,

so then who sponsors you?

I just wanted to be

a big influencer.

So I got put on this stage

and I was auctioned off

to the highest bidder.

People will pay anything to push

their agenda on you guys.

What, you mean, like, the

Chinese government or something?

I'm sponsored by people worse

than the Chinese government.

I can't tell you who they are,

because then the companies

that run the whole system

will have me k*lled.

We deserve to know

who's been manipulating us.

Tell us the truth and we'll

make sure you're safe, okay?

You promise?

Yes, we promise.

Fine.

The truth is,

I'm being paid by...

Whoops!

Okay, okay.

We don't care who's trying

to influence us!

The game is up, scumbag.

We know about

the whole operation.

We know everything.

The influencers are being paid

by organizations

to knowingly influence children.

The data shows

that consumers

of social media platforms are

predominately adults over 21.

Oh, come on.

Within tech companies,

it's an open secret

that millions of users are

actually under the age of 13.

Tech companies

are working diligently

to find ways to make

the Internet safer for children,

but these methods

are often criticized

for violating free speech.

Okay, and tech companies

use those assertions

and their endless cash to keep

regulations tied up in court

so they can continue

to profit off of our kids.

Okay, well, you'll never

take me alive, copper.

He's still alive.

Let's get City General out here.

Who do you work for?

Who's trying to influence me?

He's just the middleman, kids.

Whoever was trying to influence

you is still a mystery.

Hey, fellas, I got an idea.

How about we just keep

our affinity group,

but instead of it being

about Cred,

it's just about how proud we are

of who we are.

No, they won't let us do that,

Butters, 'cause we're white.

White people can't be in groups

talking about

how proud they are,

it doesn't fly.

Dang it.

Well, then, I guess

we just got to accept

that we're gonna

go to school tomorrow

and get totally boned.

Yep.

Hey, look, you guys. It's Cred.

Mr. Marsh? What are you doing

with all that Cred?

I'm putting it where it belongs,

in the garbage.

But that's, like, Jelly Roll

Midnight Waffle House.

Do you know what that's worth?

Yeah, I know what it's worth.

It's worth gold

to all the people in the world

who want to use social media

to influence children.

But there's more to life

than making money.

And there's more to marriage

than just b*ating your wife.

The bottom line is that

all this social media

influencer garbage

is not suitable for children.

And if you're a kid

on social media,

you have to know that someone

is always trying to get to you.

All you have to do

is ask yourself,

"Who is it that wants

to influence me the most?"

Holy sh*t.

Janice!

Oh, Clyde, where have you been?

We've been worried sick.

It was you, this whole time.

You've been trying

to influence me for months.

Clyde, you really should have

let your father know

where you were...

You've been paying an influencer

to try and reach me,

and you caused this whole

f*cking mess!

What is this about, Janice?

I don't think people understand

how hard it is to be a stepmom.

You want to try

and teach your kids,

but they don't listen because

you're not their "real parent."

I just wanted to be

a good influence on you, Clyde.

But influencing kids these days

requires good lighting

and a quality microphone.

But why Cred?

If you're so against it,

then why have it

in all those videos?

That was just to get

your views, Clyde.

Your views

are so important to me,

because we never talk.

Maybe what I did

was all a bit much,

but look at us.

Here we are, talking.

Janice, can I call you "Mom"?

Yes, of course.

f*ck you, Mom!

Oh...

Whoa, Spencer,

is that Mega Cred?

Yeah, pretty cool, right?

"Pretty cool"?

How'd you get that?

Oh, I just went to this thing

in Pueblo. No big deal.

Everyone! Everyone, can I have

your attention, please?

We have something really

important to tell you guys.

Tweek and Butters and I

have learned

a lot of things recently.

We have news

that you will all find shocking.

You see, we talked to Mr. Marsh,

and he gave us four bottles

of Jelly Roll

Midnight Waffle House.

No, no, no. Back up.

This is for the Cred

affinity group only.

-You can look at our Cred,

but don't touch.

-All right!

Oh, oh, hey, Clyde.

Say, Clyde, you, uh,

forgot your super special

Jelly Roll Cred

at the group meeting, remember?

It tastes amazing.

All right!

Yeah! Clyde's got Cred again!