Captain.
Captain.
Lieutenant?
I'm picking up a distress signal
on a foreign frequency.
It sounds human.
Zabladowski...
Match frequency with
Lieutenant Zamora.
Let's get this on the
main speaker.
Aye, captain.
Ship is in need of repairs.
Our food supply is exhausted.
We've lost contact with
our headquarters.
If there's
anyone out there
receiving this message,
please respond.
We are in dire need
of assistance.
Over.
Well, for an extra terrestrial,
she most certainly speaks great
English.
With the amount of radio waves
being constantly transmitted
from Earth
into space... They easil
y could have been studying
our language for centuries.
But how could they
have gotten here?
If service headquarters had
dispatched them...
We would have been notified.
Plus, it's a blind
distress call.
Surface Headquarters
already knows we're here.
Patch me into SHQ.
I want to get to the
bottom of this.
(VOICE OVER) Okay we get it.
(VOICE OVER) Christ
this is moving way too slow.
(VOICE OVER) Maybe this is
where the werewolves should come
in.
(scream)
Oh, my God.
(scream)
What in the world?
(scream)
(scream)
(ROAR)
(VOICE OVER)
No... That seems too rushed.
Who am I kidding?
This whole scene sucks.
(screaming)
(birds chirping)
It is way past my bedtime.
(music plays over
opening credits)
(snoring)
(alarm clock beeping)
Writing group.
Give me a break.
Have you even started
looking for a new job yet?
No.
I could probably set you up
with something where I work.
You work at a school.
You're a teacher.
What are you gonna get me?
A teaching job?
I don't even have a
degree in anything.
You went to film school?
Come on. You know
that's not even a real school.
I could probably get you a
job as a lunchroom attendant.
Jesus Christ.
I'm not desperate.
I am trying to help.
You said it yourself as soon
as your theater goes digital,
you're going to be out of a job.
I'm not going to be
out of a job.
I'm just going to be miserable.
I'm gonna be pushing buttons.
You know, a monkey
could do that job.
Then look for something else.
No, there's no point.
It's only 20 hours a week, and
it gives me plenty of time to
work on my writing.
20 hours a week?
You're in your thirties now,
Felix!
Oh. Whoa, whoa,
whoa. I'm not in my
thirties. Okay? I am 30.
There's a difference. You've
been working on your
writing, since you moved out
here.
And you haven't done
sh*t with it.
I know history has never
been your strong point, sis,
but Rome wasn't built in a day.
That's not a good analogy. Yes,
it is.
Who are you talking to?
It's Felix.
Hi Felix!
Tabby says hi.
Hi, Tabby.
What are you even
working on right now?
Something totally new that I've
never told you about before.
Is it the one about
the werewolves?
No.
You've been writing that
f*cking stupid werewolf movie
since you and Hannah broke up.
I've been writing that
f*cking awesome werewolf movie
ever since
before Hannah and I broke up.
Oh my God, why?
You need to let the
idea marinate!
Maybe you could just join a
writers group or something.
How'd you know?
I was thinking about going
to a writers group.
I didn't.
Well, I'm not.
Okay well, it could be helpful.
When I think of groupsl
just imagine a bunch of older,
washed up
has beens who never had the
chance to be
who claim to have some skill or
talent but never actually did
anything with it.
And all of a sudden, during
some midlife crisis or whatever
start questioning and
rethinking their
lives and start looking for an
outlet to express their inner
artist
or their real self and start
going to groups as a means of
validation.
And that's not you?
No!
I don't know... Maybe you shou
ld join a writer's group.
Look, I don't need to go
to any groups, all right?
I'm fine.
Inspiration will hit me.
I just need to be patient.
Felix!
What?!
Did you start "Monika"?
Yes! Can you pl
ease stop
sneaking up on me like that?
Hey, I got to go.
I'll see you Friday.
sh*t!
Hey.
(door slams)
Sorry.
(sobbing) He waited
purposefully into the
roaring surf...
(door squeaks open loud)
Oh. I'm sorry.
Um... I think I have
the wrong room.
Ssshhhh!
Is this the writer's room?
Ssshhhh!
Okay.
(door squeaks closed loud)
Would you mind sitting down?
In a chair?!
(chair squeaks
embarrassingly loud)
Sorry.
Okay. Where was I?
(sobbing again)
Strangely content
with the knowledge
that an ungrateful world...
Would just have to wait
for everything else...
He wanted to say.
And that's all I've got so far.
Judas. Wow.
Comedy is the hardest thing
in the world to write.
I don't think it sounds
that bad, to be honest.
Yeah, it sounds
really fun.
I wish I had the time to
do something like that.
Yeah, but you understand
where I'm coming from, right?
I mean, these people are crazy.
I don't think crazy is the word
I would use.
Writing a bunch of really
personal stuff
and then sharing it in front of
a room full of strangers while
weeping.
Maybe they're just less insecure
than you are.
Not everyone feels the need to
write about blood and guts all
the time.
Why does everybody
say that? You obviously ha
ven't seen all the
movies that I've made.
I'm pretty sure I have.
You just haven't made anything.
Well you obviously haven't read
everything that I've written
because most of it
doesn't have any blood or guts.
I just don't share it
with every Tom, d*ck and Jane.
These onions are k*lling me.
I think you need a girlfriend.
Why would you say that? What
does that have to do with
anything?
It's just you're so
anxious all the time.
I feel like it would help
chill you out a bit.
Well, I don't want a girlfriend,
so I think it'd be
counterproductive.
I think you should meet
my friend Emma.
Oh, yeah.
She's super cute.
She's gorgeous and
she's really nice.
And she just moved here,
so she barely knows anybody.
Great, so she'll
probably like me
since she has no basis
for comparison.
We could double date.
Oh, that could be fun.
Thanks, Tabby, but I already
dated your sister and that ended
terribly.
I think I'll stay away
from your friends.
You've got to get over that.
I am over it.
I'm way over it.
Obviously not.
Would you grab me some eggplant?
Look, just because I don't
want to get involved
with someone doesn't mean Hannah
has anything to do with it.
Oh, you're hilarious.
I wouldn't say I'm hilarious
but I've always thought I ha
d a pretty good sense
of comedic timing.
It's been, what, five years?
Almost six. Feli
x I don't know
if this is helpful or not, but
my sister is very much over you.
First of all, Tabby. Your
sister was over me long before
we even broke up, so that's not
news.
Secondly, I don't care.
I'm not in love with your
sister anymore.
Okay? So it's not a thing.
I just have no desire to be
in a relationship right now.
You don't have to get into
a relationship, man.
Just date.
What's the point? That
seems pointless.
I dated a bunch of people before
I ended up with your sister.
Just casual hookups. Sex here,
sex there.
Gross, babe, come on.
See that's not me, you know.
I know myself.
You know, if I actually
end up meeting someone that I
really like
I'm gonna want to do it to
the max, I'm going to go 100%.
Great.
No, that's not great.
I don't want that.
Why not?
Because I won't do anything,
and I'll become
just as unproductive as I
was before I moved out here.
I need my time. It baf
fles me how immature
you are about relationships.
Honestly, it's like
talking to a sixth grader.
Of course you'd say that
you're a middle school teacher.
That's right, I am.
And I have to listen to this
kind of nonsense on a daily
basis.
But coming from kids,
less than half your age.
Well if that's the case,
then that's a perfect example
of why it would be totally
unfair for me to put anybody
else through this.
Through what?
This!
Yeah, point made. Look, I appr
eciate that you guys are
trying to be my wing wo-men.
I do.
But I really just want to
be a single guy
right now.
Really.
expl*sive dynamite
expressions, dancing in
succession over and over again.
Get lost when she opens her lips
like a reverse eclipse and drops
knowledge.
And that's when the drums
are going to kick in
and the guitar gets all huge and
distorted, and then I'm like...
"Knowledge..."
"Knowledge, knowledge,
knowledge, knowledge. Wow."
And then the little breakdown
happens and the second verse
kicks in.
But I haven't written that yet.
All right.
Well, thank you, Elijah.
Oh, also...
Just wanna let you
knowtomorrow night
my band's going to play a
house show in a mansion.
So if you're into cool crap,
you should come.
Felix, buddy.
I'm looking at you.
What? I'm sorry. What?
Come on. These guys won't
come to my shows.
They're all a bunch of squares.
It's true.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah. What's the name
of your band?
"Sunken Pleasure."
We're a one piece.
One piece band.
Uh cool, yeah um
I'll... I'll...
Totally. I'll
check it out.
Dope.
Very dope.
(ambient music and
party chatter)
This is NOT a mansion.
Oh, hey, Elijah.
Oh, Felix. Dude.
Hey, I didn
't think you were going to come.
Yeah, I thought you
said this was a mansion.
Dude, I know, right? This
place is huge.
What'd you think about the set?
Did you love it?
Oh, sh*t.
I just got here.
Yeah. Hey, no worries.
You at least want to stick
around for a bit?
I don't know. You know,
I don't know anybody here.
I'll introduce you.
I know a ton
of these cats.
Sure, yeah,
whatever. Okay.
There you are
Mr. Solo Artist.
What's your band called again?
"Sunken...?"
"Sunken Pleasure."
That's so funny.
What's up, dawg?!
Oh, damn, dude.
Hey, what's up, bro?
k*ller f*cking set, dude.
Dude, k*ller f*cking stache.
Dude, you were so funking
gross tonight.
Thanks!
Did you break your hig
h E string
during that last song?
No it was actually my low E, but
I had it tuned like my high E.
Baller!
Very baller.
What kind of dog is he?
He's a rescue.
Can I get two
beers please?
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Oh, sorry.
Double fisting, huh?
Oh, uh...
No. Uh...
That one's my friend's. I'm just
holding it for him. Not double
fisting.
You know, I was told
this party was in a mansion.
This is not a mansion.
Yeah, I was told the same thing.
It's very underwhelming.
You think maybe there's a
secret room or a trap door?
Or like a rotating bookshelf?
Hey, you ever see this movie,
um...
- Black Sunday!
- Haunted Honeymoon!
Oh, wait, which one?
Which one did you say?
Black Sunday.
Oh, it's this old Italian film
that feels like a universal
horror film, but way more bad
ass.
It's full of trapdoors and a
revolving fireplace that leads
to a crypt.
And there's this guy with
a Prince Valiant haircut.
He's got, like, a
handlebar mustache.
It's great.
You watch many movies?
Uh, I do.
What kind are you into?
I'm pretty all over the board.
What filmmakers do you like?
I don't know. I feel like
I'm going to say
someone totally obscure
and I'm just going to embarrass
myself. So...
Better safe than sorry.
Got it.
I don't know... Spike Lee.
I like his movies a lot.
He's someone people know.
He did "Girl 6."
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, he did.
That's not the one that most
people know him from, but yeah
he did "Girl 6."
I like that sh*t at the end
with all the telephones
falling from the sky.
Yeah, it's good.
You ever watch any David Lynch?
Are you kidding me?
Eraserhead is like, one of
my favorite movies of all time.
Oh, f*ck that baby though.
Yeah, f*ck that baby.
That screechy little whine
that turns into a raspy laugh.
Oh it's so creepy.
You know, one of the first short
films I ever made was, like,
basically a rip off of
Eraserhead.
Oh, was it called Pencil Head?
Yeah, it was.
Yeah. I've never been
very clever with m
y titles.
So you're a filmmaker?
I haven't made anything
in a really long time, so
I don't think I can really
call myself a filmmaker.
But you have made films.
Yeah, but I mean, you know, like
most of them were real short,
little like video.
I think it's okay for you to
call yourself a filmmaker.
Thanks.
("Hey Suzzanne" by Posse
begins playing)
I think I'm gonna get
another beer.
You know,
you can have this one.
It's okay, I don't want to
drink your friend's beer.
No. I uh...
You were right.
I'm totally
double fisting.
Seriously?
Yeah, you nailed it.
But seriously, I have not
even taken a...
Well, I took one drink, but
I don't know
if I should trust you, man.
I mean, we just met,
and you already lied to me once
about fisting.
(spits beer)
sh*t.
I'm sorry.
That's embarrassing.
You want to go outside?
Yeah.
(werewolf roars)
What in the...
(Zamora screams)
Whoa!
That sounds so cool.
I can't tell if you're
being sarcastic.
No, I really mean it.
It sounds like "Barbarella"
meets "The Howling..."
Yes, yes.
That's exactly...
Yeah, that's...
That's it. This is
something you've
already written?
Well, no, I
I've already
writtenlike the first
15 pages,
but I have a ton of notes.
You know, like I said, I've
been working on this for years.
First, I wanted it
to be a disco musical p*rn, but
I scrapped that early on to
focus on the erotic horror sci
fi elements.
You should just write it.
I'd watch that movie.
Cool.
Thank you.
Unfortunately it's...
It's really hard to writ
e, because, you know, I don't
know the first thing about.
One: Science. Two: The future.
Or Three: Werewolf women
from outer space.
That's your title right there.
I've gotta
write that down.
That's amazing.
I don't think you're
creatively stunted.
It seems like maybe you just
need to trust yourself more.
Trust your ideas.
But I can relate.
If I don't finish writing
something all in one sitting, I
typically never get
back to it.
I lose interest.
I'm an English major,
but I kind of hate writing.
That's pretty funny.
I like collaging a lot though.
Have you ever heard
of Grete Stern?
Mm-mm.
She's probably
one of my greatest influences.
The way that she was able
to visually interpret dreams
is like nobody else I've
ever come across.
You should look her up.
I think you'd like her.
I will.
I used to have the most
bizarre dreams as a kid.
And I always wished there was a
way to re-access them in the
real world.
I think that's why I
like film so much.
I feel like it's the closest
we've ever come to making that a
reality.
That is so cool.
I don't know your name.
Oh, yeah.
It's Felix.
You know, like the cat
from the old cartoon.
It was my mom's favorite show
when she was a kid.
You know those...
You know those clocks,
they're like that...
That big black cat with
the big wide eyes
that go like this.
And they've got that
swingy tail.
We've got one of those
in our house.
Yeah, that's... Th
at's well, that's not exactly
Felix, but that's basically
Felix the cat.
So you were named after a clock.
Yeah. I was named after a clock,
yeah.
What about you?
Was I also named after a clock?
Not that I know of.
Very funny.
It's Stella.
Your name's Stella?
Mm hmm.
That's an excellent name.
Thank you.
My dad's really into
campy sci fi movies.
Campy sci fi movies
like "Star Crash"?
Shut the f*ck up. Are
you kidding me?
Holy sh*t. You were n
amed after the girl
from "Star Crash"?!
Most people think it's "A
Streetcar Named Desire"
but nope.
Unbelievable.
I can't believe
you've actually seen that movie.
What can I say? I love
my Italian "Star Wars" rip-offs.
Wow.
You going to smoke that?
Oh, uh...
Yeah.
Yeah.
(coughs uncontrollably)
Sorry.
Well, it was nice meeting you,
Felix.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa.
You're leaving?
Yeah.
Saturdays are my Mondays.
Bummer.
But I hope you have
a good rest of your night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.
Or thank you. You too.
Do you want me to walk you
out or something?
No, it's fine.
Have a good one.
Yeah. No. Yeah, I'll
I'll um
I'll see you
later.
"I'll see you later?"
(alarm beeping)
(groans)
That's depressing.
Oh!
(alarm beeping)
(lo-fi hiphop b*at plays)
(music stops)
"Just put it on my bill."
I'm sorry. That is not...
all you did...
Was read a joke, eat a Popsicle,
and then read
an answer that was already
written on the stick.
- Well...
- I feel like I'm going crazy.
Am I going crazy?
I thought this was a writer's
group, not a g*dd*mn Popsicle
reading group.
sh*t.
(mirror crashes on the ground)
It's a homemade Popsicle.
Hey, Felix!
Oh my God, Jesus Christ!
Are you reading while walking?
Yeah. Is that weird?
Nah dude, it's dope. I mean,
I can't do that.
I'd probably get carsick
and puke on myself or something.
Cool.
Where are you going?
You need a ride?
Uh, no, no, I'm just...
My house is just like, right
up the street, so I'm good.
Well, we're going that
exact direction.
Nah nah I appreciate it, but
uh... I'm right at this part
where this guy...
He cooks his own head and tries
to feed it to his pet snake.
(off screen) Hi, Felix.
Stella.
Whoa. Small world.
Dude you two know each other?
- We met at the party.
- We met at the party.
How's the werewolf movie coming?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Werewolf movie?
Is that what you've
secretly been working on?
Dude, Felix hasn't shared
anything with the class yet.
It's... not... ready.
How long have you guys been
seeing each other?
- Oh, God, gross. No. - Elijah
is my roommate's boyfriend.
Hey, watch the 'B' word.
Sorry. Elijah is my
roommate's sex friend.
Thank you. We carpool
sometimes because I work
just a couple blocks away.
Oh, where do you work?
The little bookstore
on the hill.
The one with all the cat puke
stains on the carpet.
Oh, yeah. I love that place.
It's got a really loud fan
in the bathroom.
Are you sure you don't
want to ride?
Come on.
What the heck?
There you go!
You can pull over right here.
Which house is yours?
Uh, I live like a block up
the road actually.
I just don't want you to see
where I live because I'm
embarrassed of it.
Really?
Maybe. Or maybe you're
afraid I'm going to stalk you.
My house... It looks
like garbage.
It looks like
a frat house.
Ooo, "Frat Boy Felix."
(off screen) How many
people do you live with?
Honestly, I have no idea.
Sometimes I go weeks
without seeing anybody
and then all of a sudden, it's
like every time I walk in the
front door
there's a new roommate.
Hey, whose copy of "Cannibal
Holocaust" is this?
Have you seen it?
No, but I really want to.
You should borrow it.
Yeah?
Yeah. Th
ere's not a lot of people
that I would recommend it to
but it seems like you and I have
a pretty similar taste in
movies.
You might hate it, but you
should definitely watch it.
The score alone
is amazing.
It's also really
f*cked up.
No, I'm serious.
Like I watch a lot of weird sh*t
and I mean a lot of weird sh*t,
but even I can't handle it.
So good luck, dude.
Well, all right.
Thank you.
And thanks for the ride,
by the way.
Mi Carsa su Carsa.
All right.
So I guess I'll see you
whenever the next group meets.
sh*t yeah you will.
And uh... I
will see you...
Later.
Yeah.
Uh, okay.
See ya.
Oh hey, Felix!
Yeah?
Got to find out what
happens with that snake, dude.
Right.
Thanks.
Uh... Stella?
Do you...
Would you...
Want to hang out sometime?
We could go see a movie,
or uh...
You know, maybe do a bunch of
silly touristy stuff around
town...
Or...
Or not.
We can do something...
Something else.
Let's do all of those things.
Oh, okay.
Cool. Uh, yeah. Okay.
Uh, should I just get
your number from Elijah?
Uh, do you have
something to write on?
Uh, yeah.
Yes, yes I do.
Uh...
Let's see.
Do you have something
to write with?
Uh...
Uh... no.
No worries. I got you, dude.
Thanks.
What is thisbizarre cell
phone world we live in wher
e numbers like this actually
exist?
I know, it's the future.
It's a real weird future.
A weal weiwd futuwe.
A weal weal weiwd futuwe!
(laughs)
Okay, I'll see you.
Hey, Felix?
Yeah!
Just so you know... And maybe
I don't even need to say this,
but I just want to be really
clear.
I'm not looking for anything
more than a friend.
Right now.
Yeah, that...
That's... great.
That's awesome.
Yeah?
Yeah!
You have no idea how perfect
that is actually.
Okay, good.
Okay.
Okay.
I am going to call you though.
We are going to hang out.
We better.
I want my movie back.
Fair enough.
Bye, Felix.
Later, dude.
See ya.
"I'll see you later?"
Jesus.
(blood-curdling screams
come from the TV)
Your directions were perfect.
Step outside. Take a left.
Go straight. I was goin
g to mention how close I lived
when I dropped you off the other
day, but
I decided not to.
Yeah, just in case I
was actually a stalker.
Mm-hmm.
Smart move.
I really like your place.
Thanks. Sorry if I
t smells weird in here.
I mean, it just smells like a
mix of catnip and marijuana.
(meows)
Oh, there's the culprit.
Yeah, she's a real big pothead.
(off screen)
Is somebody talking about me?
Hi, I'm Gina.
That's my roommate.
Hey, I'm Felix.
Nice to finally meet you.
Um... It's nice to meet you too.
Want to take a quick bong rip?
Uh no thanks. I will probably
just end up hearing things, and
then I'll get really judgmental.
You guys are a bunch of squares.
Just because a square's a
rectangle, Gina, doesn't mean a
rectangle's a square.
I am way too stone for
this conversation.
It's actually starting
to make sense to me.
It was nice meeting you, Felix.
Likewise.
Have fun.
We grew up together.
You have a TV in your fireplace.
That's really cool.
So what did you think
of "Cannibal Holocaust"?
I mean it was definitely
intense, but you were right.
I mean, that music was amazing.
And it's crazy too how relevant
this movie is
to right now.
Like the power of media
and reality TV?
Yeah. And it was
made in what...?
That blows my mind.
It's a pretty smart movie.
Horrible. But very smart.
Yeah.
Wow.
These aren't...
Are these your collages?
Yeah.
The one with the horse in
the desert is actually a dream I
had.
Man, I love the mix of your
own drawings with the cut-outs.
You're really good at drawing.
Thanks.
Do you have any more of these?
Mm-hm.
Can I see some of them?
Okay.
We should get going, yeah?
I've just gotta feed
Barfzone real quick
and then I'm ready.
Barfzone?
You know, our stoner cat.
Amazing.
(French pop song plays
over montage)
Oh my God!
Sorry.
Sorry.
Haha that's you!
Jesus Christ, again?!
(off screen)
Drink it all up, "Movie Boy."
Ugh! I am so tired of all
my sister's dumb-ass drama.
Not in front of the kid, babe.
No no, please.
I love it when you talk
sh*t about your sister.
Makes me feel less crazy.
It's nothing. It's just annoying
relationship stuff
involving the dude
she's been seeing. Stuff
I'm sure you don't want to hear.
She's back in the dudes again?
Classic.
Well, she was, but not anymore.
Now she's hooking up
with the dude's ex-girlfriend.
The one that they just had
a threesome with last week.
You're right.
Totally stuff I don't
want to hear.
Is it my turn?
Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.
(Felix's phone buzzes)
(off screen) Y'all really gotta
work on your aim because
(off screen) I think I've
actually started sobering up
since we started playing.
You know, I'm sorry guys.
I gotta go.
I totally spaced
I made plans with someone.
Yeah. You have plans with us.
No, I made plans with
someone else.
Invite them over. We have
plenty of beer.
We are already going to be doing
something totally different.
Felix, are you seeing someone?
No, no, no.
She's just my friend...
Aha! "She!"
No, no "Aha."
She's just...
We're best buds.
I'm your sister.
We're best buds.
And we never see you anymore.
What are you talking
about? I'm here right now.
You're over significantly
less often than usual.
And we're your only friends.
That's not true.
You're not my only...
And you're about to leave!
So? So it's like you
aren't even here right now.
This is ridiculous. I thou
ght you said you don't
want to be seeing anybody.
Yeah. I
don't. And I'm not seeing an
ybody right now.
You know what?
Forget it.
Invite her over.
I want to meet her.
Yeah, me too.
You know what? I'm
hopping your fence
and I'm running away.
(Felix's VOICE OVER) Once, when
I was about five years old...
Unbelievable. (Felix's
VOICE OVER) My sister Ilana
was babysitting me while
our mom was at work.
At one point, she eventually
realized I was nowhere to be
seen
and got up to go look for me.
(low foreboding ambience)
(Felix's VOICE OVER) The roar of
the hot water-heater filled the
damp air...
Reverberating louder and louder
through the cracked cement walls
and floors of what might as well
have been a set from
"A Nightmare on Elm Street."
Room after room, she checked,
and I was still
nowhere to be found.
(Felix's VOICE OVER) When my
sister finally turned the last
corner
in the furthest reaches of
the basement...
There I was. Five year old
Felix, sitting in the cat-litter
box...
Turd in my hand, turd in my
mouth, just devouring cat poop.
She said it looked like I was
stuffing my face with
Almond Roca.
To this day, I love Almond Roca.
Oh, that's so disgusting.
And to think I'm sharing this
bottle of wine with you. Ugh!
Mmmm.
Ahhh!
All right.
Your turn. Truth or dare?
Truth.
Tell me more about this
dad of yours.
All I know is he was really
into campy sci fi movies.
Well...
As long as I've been alive,
my dad, or Bob
as he's commonly referred to...
Has been a dentist.
I used to be embarrassed to tell
people who is a tooth doctor.
So instead I told them
he was a government spy.
(intense action music plays)
All I really know about my mom
is that she used to be a writer.
She published this New-Ag
ey self-help
book thing right before her
and my dad got divorced, called
"Polygamy: The New Monogamy."
According to my oldest brother,
she's somewhere in Utah now.
Living in a Bus Commune.
Bus Commune? Yeah, just
like a big piece of
land with a bunch of old,
decommissioned busses
parked there.
Maybe, I don't know.
What are you thinking?
You thinkin' my family
sounds crazy now, huh?
I was thinking about your mom's
book. "The New Monogamy."
It's pretty interesting.
When was the last time you uh...
Well, you know.
What?
You know...
Stella!
Oh you don't have to say
if you don't want to.
You sure you want to open
that can of worms?
Uh... it's been a while.
I mean, the last
relationship I was in
was with Hannah, and
that was like five years ago.
There's no way you
haven't had sex in five years.
No, I mean I have.
I have.
But it's just not,
you know, good sex. Or fun sex.
It's sex that I don't even
care about or remember half the
time.
Mostly I just feel bad about it.
Oh no! What?
(laughs)
Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm laughing.
Why do you feel bad about it?
I don't know, lots of reasons.
First of all, it's
usually an accident.
Like, you know,
me and so-and-so are making out
and she starts putting out sex
vibes, and you know, I'm so go
with the flow
I just... go
with the flow.
And then suddenly I realize
partway through it that I've
been inside my head
the whole time, just wishing I
was somewhere else, far far
away.
Well that's terrible.
Other times I just pass out.
What do you mean?
I just pass out.
Like during sex?
Yeah, during sex.
I have even passed out
in the middle of...
In the middle of what?!
Going down on the person.
No way!
Mu.
Itiple times.
I don't even know how
that can happen!
It's pretty embarrassing.
I mean when I am in the moment,
I am in the moment.
I am relaxed.
I am focused.
Yeah, see I think the
problem for me is I'm just not
into casual sex.
I'm not against it.
I'm just not interested.
Well, that's the opposite of
what most guys I know would say.
Or girls.
Yeah. Well you know, I
mean I think that
the concept is more
appealing to me
than, you know, the
actual doing it.
I guess... I don't
know. I guess I
feel like I ca
n't really perform well
unless I have some sort of
emotional connection
to the person.
Pffft!
I'm sorry.
That just sounds so scripted.
Whoa, what does? "I jus
t can't perform well if I'm
not emotionally connected."
What is that? Your line?
Is that how you get girls
to fall for you?
Okay, 'F' you. Is that my line?
Oh! What if falling asleep
during sex is your mutant power?
That's a shitty mutant power.
If I had a mutant power
I'd have the ability to
manifest chairs out of nowhere.
See even that's a
better mutant power
and that's a shitty
mutant power.
Standing in line at the
post office, waiting to mail a
package.
Boom! There's a chair.
At the DSHS waiting to
register for food stamps.
Bam! There's a chair.
Oh no! All the bean things
fell out of my beanbag chair...
Boom! Now it's a normal chair.
Problem solved.
That's actually very convenient.
I know.
What about you?
What about me?
When was the last time you...
You know.
I don't kiss and tell.
What?
You rascal!
What are you doing? Where
are you going?
I'm supposed to meet some people
at a bonfire down by the beach.
You're coming with me.
Sshhh!
You shush yourself!
You're doing fantastic.
Oh, my God.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Start over. Get better.
I need some competition.
("Hey Suzzanne" by Posse
begins playing)
(off screen)
Oh sh*t! I already d*ed.
You really are terrible.
What is this?
You like it?
Yeah, it sounds really familiar.
If I had a record player
I would borrow the
s-h-i-t out of this.
I can copy it onto a
tape for you.
You said you have a Walkman,
right?
I do have a Walkman.
That'd be awesome.
Uh, do you want to...
Play?
I need to go to sleep.
Uh yeah, I should probably go.
You don't have to.
You can stay here if
you want to.
Are you sure?
I mean, would that be weird?
I don't see why it would be.
Need me to turn off the light?
Yes, please.
Oops. Sorry.
Tell me something about yourself
that no one else knows.
Well I don't like to
refrigerate leftover pizza.
I prefer it at room temperature.
(Stella snores)
Ow.
(dreamy synth/guitar
music plays)
(echoing moans)
(evil laughter)
Cut to... Connor
Zabladowski wakes w
ith a start, smacking his head
against the ceiling
of his sleeping vessel.
He winces in pain.
(Elijah winces)
Connor rubs his
sweat-covered brow.
He sighs.
"Zamora."
And that's it.
That's the scene.
Thank you. Thank you.
Nice job, Felix.
Very...
Erotic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, thanks I
I've been feeling very
inspired lately.
It's... It's... It feels great.
Does anyone else have
any comments?
Caroline.
Caro-LINE.
Caroline.
I like how the protagonist
dreams of himself
as a martian, symbolizing how
disconnected he feels from the
people around him.
Even that whole image of the
two of them floating practically
naked in the middle of space
conveys a sense of emptiness and
loneliness
and just the overall feeling of
not knowing where you're going.
Just drifting through life
without any purpose or meaning.
And then BANG! Two pe
ople meet and now worlds are
forming and stars are exploding.
And everything just starts to
make sense all of a sudden
because these two sad
beautiful beings
have finally found each other.
I love it.
I absolutely love it.
"Symbolizes how disconnected"
I have a question.
What was the inspiration
for that little thing
at the end?
Umm...
That little...
(makes clicking teeth noise)
Oh, yeah yeah uh
I'm just really into
vag*na dentata.
Elijah!
(door slams closed)
Hey!
Hey man, what's up?
Uh...
Hey, are you getting a ride home
with Stella today?
Uh no.
Okay.
Do you know if she, um...
Did she get like,
a new phone number or something?
She hasn't been responding
to my texts
and you know, I haven't
seen her in a while.
I haven't seen her either, man.
Gina and I are kind
of on a break right now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Nah, things were just getting a
little too serious and
I think it was starting to
have a negative effect on our
open relationship.
Right. Okay. Uh well...
Hey man, you know I
really liked your script today.
What you shared of it.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, dude. You got
to finish that.
I will.
No I mean it. There'
s nothing worse than sitting
on the side of a mountain
looking up at the top and
wishing you were there.
I take it that was a...
that's a metaphor, huh?
Yeah.
It's also a line in a
song I wrote.
Got it. All right, man.
Uh... thanks.
I'll see you.
That's a good line.
(Felix off screen) Hey, you
I hope all is well.
If you and Gina
aren't busy tonight
you should come see
a movie.
I would love
to see...
(off screen)
Who are you texting?
Oh my God, Jesus Christ!
(laughs)
Sorry.
Oh my God, I've told you
so many times not to do that.
It never gets old.
What are you doing?
Come to steal free
movies from me?
You know I don't watch these
artsy foreign films.
I just came to grab some
delicious movie theater popcorn.
You came all the way out here
just for some popcorn?
And to see my little brother!
We really miss you.
We never see you anymore.
Tabby really wants you to
come over for dinner on Friday.
Yeah I don't know.
I'm kind of trying
to keep the evening open
just in case I hear
from my friend.
You're kidding.
Sorry, but you're not blowing
me off for plans you don't have.
That's...
Don't be stupid.
I'll see you on Friday.
Is this seriously
the only way in and out of here?
This trap door thing?
Yeah.
So annoying.
(off screen) That's what we
need. See, I'm allergic to
everything,
so we can't have anything...
Please don't pepper spray me.
It's just Felix!
(Tabby off screen)
And there he is!
You're all dressed up.
You just get back
from a funeral or something?
Oh. Ha ha.
Felix, this is my friend I
told you about.
Emma.
Hi, it's really nice
to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
We were thinking of going
out to eat instead of cooking
and then going to see a
movie afterwards.
What do you think?
That sounds great.
Excellent.
What do you say we make
like a Popsicle and split
then, shall we?
We already made reservations.
Hey, be a good sport.
I'm sure you'll like the movie
at least.
(screams and g*nshots from
off screen movie)
(Felix's VOICE OVER)
I really wish they'd
stop trying to set me up
with their friends.
It's a nice
gesture, but...
It's a waste of her time.
I like what you did there.
What?
"It's not fair to HER."
"It's a waste
of HER time."
That's a solid
defense mechanism.
How come we never tried?
Being more than friends?
Yeah.
We're pretty compatible.
We're super compatible.
Conversation never runs dry.
We always have a million things
to talk about.
We really like each
other's company.
I like being around you more
than I like being around most
people.
What if you actually like me?
Of course I like you.
Like, "like me" like me.
Maybe I do.
Do you like me?
You'll never know if
you don't ask.
That's true.
But do you really
want to do that?
What if it ruins our friendship?
What if it turns out
that you like me
but I don't like you?
And then I feel weird being
around you once I know you have
feelings for me.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, no, no. See, I don't want
that to happen.
I don't want to be the the cool
guy friend who ends up f*cking
up a perfectly solid
platonic friendship just because
I came down with a crush.
I think that's what I'm
most afraid of.
Finally falling head over heels
for someone
who doesn't feel the
same way I do.
Again.
Is it worth the risk?
You know, honestly, I
think I'd rather never tell you
how I feel about you than
potentially lose you as my
friend.
Then again, maybe I'll
feel the same way you do.
You think so?
It's a possibility.
Yeah. See, I don't know.
You know, I haven't seen or
heard from you in quite a while.
I feel like something's
got to be up.
I mean, did I do something wrong
last time we hung out?
You know, there was that moment
we were sitting
on your bed
and we were a
little drunk.
And for a second I thought
maybe we were about to kiss.
But we didn't.
No.
We did agree from the beginning
that both of us
just wanted to be friends.
It's very true.
But who knows?
Maybe that has nothing to do
with why you haven't seen me
recently.
Yeah. I mean, maybe...
Maybe you've just
been really busy.
I've probably just
been really busy.
Or...
- Maybe you have a boyfriend.
- Maybe I have a boyfriend.
sh*t.
But you don't know that.
Maybe I don't.
Right.
And like I said
I'll never know
if I don't ask you.
Mm-Hmm.
Maybe I should call
you right now.
See if you want to meet
up sometime next week.
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Wait...
Maybe I'll text.
Keep it casual.
It's not urgent.
Uh-oh. Looks like your
little fantasy sequence is about
to end.
(loud booming sounds)
I'm sorry... You want some? You
want some?!
It's a good movie.
(cellphone vibrating)
I love this girl.
(Gina off screen) But at least
he bothered to tell me, I guess.
Instead of keeping it a secret
or just blowing me off.
I think I just wasn't ready for
it to end when it did, or the
way it did.
Hey, that sounds exactly
like my last relationship.
Except for the part about
telling you instead of keeping
it a secret.
Elijah called her last night
to tell her he was about to
have sex with someone else
and that he doesn't
want to see her anymore.
Eesh... That's rough.
Even though we were never
officially going out, I still
feel like
I just got dumped.
Whatever. Boys suck.
I just want to get stoned.
You'll always have
Jordan Catalano.
Oh my God, Stella!
Okay, I know what I'm
doing tonight.
Pajama party starring me, a
fatty blunt, and "My So-called
Life."
Mmm... I'm coming for you,
Jordan!
St.
Op it!
Okay, I'm getting the
fart out of here.
Have fun playing
"ketchup."
Love you, b*tches!
Love you.
Hey, how's it going?
How's everything?
Stella...
You're not going to introduce me
to your new friend?
Nora, this is Felix.
Oh, you're Felix.
That's me.
You're the filmmaker guy.
I've heard a
lot about you.
Okay.
So what are you guys drinking?
You seem like a cheap
beer kind of guy.
When you're right, you're right.
All right.
Stell-belle?
I'll do the same actually.
Like two peas in a pod.
She's good.
(finishes the
drink loudly)
All right, kids. Here you
go. You need anything else?
I think we're good.
All right.
You just let me know
when you need me.
Do you want to
get a table?
Yeah.
You know, I had a dream
about you the other night.
You did?
Mm hmm.
The night before you texted me,
actually.
Cool. What happened?
All I really remember
is that you were selling
tangerines from a food cart
on a cobblestone road somewhere
in like France or Italy.
And you had just recently
shaved your head
and got married to a guy named
Jeff, but he spelled his name
like JEEF.
And you guys had a kid together.
And he hated cheddar cheese.
Who hated cheddar cheese?
The kid or Jeff?
Jeef.
That really happened.
You had some weird facial
piercings too.
Like one of those barbell things
between your eyes
and one of those little
silver studs on your upper lip
that everybody thinks is really
cute, but it looks like a stray
booger.
The "Monroe."
That's it.
Yeah, I just got that
taken out yesterday.
It healed up quick.
Regeneration. That's my
mutant power.
I thought it was the power to
fall asleep in the middle of
having sex.
Of course you did.
Because your mutant power
is forgetfulness.
Oh sh**t. You're right.
I always forget that.
Of course you do.
Speaking of which,
before I forget
I made you a copy of
that album that you wanted.
The one we were
listening to back at my house.
Oh yeah...
Thank you.
Wait a minute.
Is this why I haven't seen you
in almost two months?
Because you've been spending
your every waking moment
painstakingly replicating this
onto tape for me?
I'm not trying to make
you feel bad.
I'm just.
I'm just being a goofball.
Goofball is a weird word.
It is a weird word.
It's a real weird word.
It's a weal weiwd wowd.
You know, um
I've been thinking about
you a ton lately.
Um, yeah
I don't know um...
How do I say this.?
Did I tell you that me
and Nora started
seeing each other?
What?
Um...
You and who?
Nora.
Nora...
The bartender?
Mm hmm.
(loud maniacal laughter)
No...
No, you didn't tell me that.
Since when?
I don't know.
Maybe like, two months.
Oh.
We've been friends
for a long time.
Yeah, it feels like we have.
I mean me and Nora. She was one
of the first people I met when I
moved here.
I guess we kind of both always
had a thing for each other
but we were both too afraid
to say anything.
So how did you find out?
That night at the bonfire
down by the beach.
Somebody sent Nora a text
saying I'd come looking for.
You weren't looking for her.
That's why we were there.
She invited me.
Okay.
The next morning, I woke
up to a bunch of drunk texts
from her saying how she thought
I was really cute and how
she'd always kind of
had a crush on me
so things just kind of
went from there.
That was the night I
stayed over.
Okay.
Well I'm happy for you.
Are you?
(gulps loudly)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
Because I talk about you a lot,
and I know
Nora really wants all of us
to hang out together.
I would love to hang
out with you...
And your girlfriend...
Together.
I'm glad to hear that.
(thunder rumbles overhead)
Oh!
Haha! Eat sh*t, Derryl!
You f*ckin' assh*le! Haha!
(groans in pain)
(French pop song begins playing)
(Nora off screen) It's just
such a trashy looking format.
(Stella off screen) That doesn't
mean it can't be nostalgic.
(Nora off screen) Okay but
when I think of "nostalgic"
I think of like eight millimeter
or like Super-8 films.
You know, like the opening
of "The Wonder Years."
(Stella off screen)
Sure, but when I was growing up
we didn't have Super-8.
It was the nineties. We had t
his big, bulky VHS camera that
my dad recorded everything with
even when it was super outdated.
Oh, that is so "Bob."
Whenever I think about
my childhood...
Unlike Kevin Arnold or Winnie
Cooper or Paul
What's-His-Name...
My memories play out in VHS.
Timestamped and auto-date
flashing in the corner of the
screen.
Having to adjust
the tracking in all the spots
the magnetic tape of your memory
fails you.
Trashy or not, in my opinion...
VHS is the quintessence
of nostalgia.
That's a really beautiful image.
Pun intended, I hope.
You guys really are like
two peas in a pod.
Felix, are you okay?
You look really uncomfortable.
Oh my gosh. I totally
called you out.
I'm sorry. You're not... You'
re not calling me out
because I'm just being normal.
Felix, what are you doing
for Halloween?
Oh, my gosh. Okay,
you should totally come.
I'm not excited about this,
but you probably will like it.
We're going to that haunted
house in Georgetown next
weekend.
You should come with us.
Uh, yeah. Uh...
That sounds really fun.
Thanks.
But
I don't have a costume or
anything so...
You have like a week
to pull something together.
You're creative.
You can figure it out.
He's coming. Besides...
What else are you going to do?
You're right.
What else am
I going to do?
Yay! Oh my gosh...
It's going to be so much fun.
Oh, and I'm going to need
all the protection I can get
because haunted houses creep
me the f*ck out.
(off screen)
Thank you. (Karaoke Host of
(f screen)
Let's hear it for Eddie!
Next up we've got
Nora and Stella!
Oh, that's us!
Oh my gosh, yes!
Give them a warm
welcome to the stage.
(Ilana off screen) You need to
figure out what your intentions
are.
I don't have any intentions.
I just don't want this...
This stupid relationsh
ip of theirs to get in the
way of our friendship.
Why are you smiling?
It's just really cute
seeing you like this.
What? No no. No it's not cute.
It's not cute.
She's the best friend that I've
made since I moved here
and I don't want to lose that.
Okay, Mr. "I don't want to
be in a relationship right now."
Okay... You know what? You need
to chill, okay?
As much as I love seeing you
head over heels for someone
I got to be honest.
I don't think this is
good for you.
How is it not good for me?
What does that even mean?
You said she's q*eer, right?
Whoa, no no no no no no
I never called her the "Q word."
I said she had a girlfriend.
(laughs)What, isn'
t that like a derogatory slur?
Forget it. Look, Felix,
you just spent the past 30 min
utes telling me how miserable
you've been these last few weeks
hanging out with her and
her girlfriend.
Yeah.
Hanging out with her and
her GIRLFRIEND.
That doesn't necessarily
mean anything.
I mean, just because she has a
girlfriend now doesn't mean
she...
Oh my God, Felix, I
respect you so much...
Please don't say anything
stupid right now.
What?
Maybe that type of thing
doesn't mean
anything to everyone
but to a lot of people it does.
Look at you
and look at me.
Okay, well...
Even you got pregnant
in high school.
That was an accident.
That was literally one time.
I was drunk.
I was experimenting.
Why would you bring that up?
You know how I feel about that.
I'm sorry.
I don't know why I said that.
Anyway, I just don't want
you to get hurt.
I love that you like this
person so much.
But as your sister and as
your friend
I just hope you know
what you're doing.
Well thank you...
And I don't know what I'm doing.
I really like your decorations.
(Stella off screen) Thanks!
Help yourself to some candy.
Don't mind if I do.
Drop that
Snickers, Mister.
Thems is mine.
Gina, hey!
Hey, Fee-fee. How are you?
I'm good. I'm
I'm all right. I wa
s just telling Stella how much
I really like your decorations.
Did you guys plan this?
What?
Stella!
You guys both dressed as shitty
vampire versions of yourselves.
Wow.
Are you...
Coming with us to the
haunted house?
No.
I'm exhausted.
I don't even like
haunted houses.
None of my friends like
haunted houses.
I don't get it.
You got to go.
It's going to be...
So much fun.
Please.
Mm-mm. I'm too stoned.
Like I actually make
sh*t my pants.
sh*t pants! sh*t pants!
sh*t pants!
Let me get a photo of you
two before you go.
Ugh! She hates
it when I take her photo.
Is it because you're stealing
part of her soul?
I hate the way I smile.
Don't smile.
Pretend like it's our
prom picture
and we're really bummed out.
Like we just got an argument
about how I didn't
bring the proper corsage to
match your dress or something.
See, I like that.
Yeah, so just like...
Like it's the worst day
of your life.
Should we hold hands?
Like real loosely?
Like we just feel obligated to?
(Gina off screen)
This is f*cking hilarious.
That's great.
Yeah, it looks like my
actual prom photo.
You should keep it.
No... No no
I think you
should have it.
Ahem! Maybe the
photographer wants it.
Right. Sorry.
I'm just kidding.
You guys keep it.
Should we get going?
Uh yeah...
Oh, what about uh...
Where's Nora?
We're going to pick her
up on the way.
Awesome.
(Stella off screen)
She should be here any minute.
(Felix off screen)
You want me to get in the back?
No, you're fine.
How are things?
The two of you.
You and Nora.
I mean, we haven't started being
shitty to each other yet so
I guess that's good.
Because that's inevitable?
Maybe. But yeah, we
have fun together.
I like her a lot. You know that.
Yeah, I know that.
(lound bang)
- Oh!
- Ah Jesus!
God, I turn my back
for one second
and you're already trying to
steal my girlfriend?
What?
No no no no
I'm f*cking with you, Felix.
You two really look
you together.
What are you supposed to
be, like twin zombies or
something?
Vampires!
Hm! I guess I missed the memo.
We did not...
It was a... It was a
coincidence.
Like two peas in a pod.
Stop it.
Just remember, at the end
of the night
I get to go home with her.
Aren't you presumptuous?
Oh my God... You look so
f*cking hot right now.
You know I just want to
"you know what" you right now!
How was your work party?
You smell boozy.
My coworkers kept shoving
drinks down my throat all night.
So many martinis.
Are you doing okay?
I'm wonderful, darling.
Thank you!
Your mascara is running.
Oh, because I'm
"When Doves Cry."
I'm "When Doves Cry." Like
the Prince song?
It's my costume.
That's really clever actually.
Hey, Stell-belle! How badly do
you want to go to this haunted
house thing?
Do not even try it.
Oh, come on!
You know how much I hate
haunted houses.
Can't we like, go back
to your house
and play Mad Libs or something?
Nora...
Fine.
You guys go without me.
Just drop me off at
my apartment.
Are you serious?
Mm-hmm.
You guys just go have
fun without me.
(Nora laughs and snorts loudly)
Remember Gina is sleeping, okay?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're just so funny.
May I continue?
Please."...after
one drink. And someone
has to wake her up
so she doesn't get kicked out of
the geriatric facility?"
(Nora laughs loud)
Oh my Gosh, you have the
cutest little giggle.
I love it.
All right, you guys
pick the next one.
I'm going to use the bathroom
and put on some music.
Hurry back, my love!
I think I'm gonna get
another beer.
I'm... I'm a little drunk.
But I got to ask you something.
You're a real catch.
I mean, really, I get why
Stella likes you.
No, no, no, I...
What's your deal?
Like... Why aren't
you with anyone?
Is it because you don't want to
be like, tied down or whatever?
That's what Stella says,
and I get it.
Yeah.
I just DON'T get it.
Because when I meet
someone like you
and they're not in a
relationship.
I just.
I mean, there's...
There's got to be something,
right?
There's got to be a reason
why you're not
with anyone.
Am I wrong?
Oh, I'm sorry I made you
uncomfortable.
No. No no...
It's none of my business.
I'm fine. I'm not uncomfortable.
It's just that before
Stella and I started going out
she would go on and on about how
crappy all the guys she knew
were.
How when they realized
that when she didn't want to be
anything more than friends, they
either treat her like garbage
or wouldn't even bother
talking to her.
But she always had good things
to say about you.
Great things to say about you.
(a record begins playing)
I forgot the point I was
trying to make.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe I just can't
stand being single.
Maybe that's why I don't get it.
There's gotta be someone that
you're a little into.
Hmmm?
Yeah.
There's someone.
Or... There wa
s someone.
But they're unavailable now.
So that's that.
Wow. Uh
I didn't realize how
late it was.
I should probably get going.
Oh, no. Oh, sh*t.
No, no.
Oh, I made it awkward.
No, no... It...
It's not awkward.
I just... You
know, it's...
It's too late.
Do you want to take
another beer for the road?
No, thanks.
I'm pretty drunk already anyway.
Well thanks for hanging out,
and talking with me.
It was my pleasure.
Ohhh!
And Stella, as always
it was very nice to see you.
Yeah.
I'll see you.
Goodbye, Felix.
Get home safely.
(door opens and closes)
What?
Nothing.
This is crazy.
You need to stop.
(melancholy music plays
over montage)
(Stella off screen)
Hey Felix, it's Stella
Nora and I just got out
of this movie
that I think you will love
called "Romance of the Flesh."
It's this insane new cannibal
exploitation film from Italy.
It is gross! So gross!
It's basically like if Ingmar
Bergman directed Cannibal
Holocaust.
You've got to see it. Anyway...
Let's hang out some time!
- It's a shapeshifter. - That's
a science fiction term,
Zabladowski.
Can you think of a better one?
How about "Therian
Metamorphosis?"
- All right, you win. - We
come to a large window that
looks into an inc
ubation room...
(Audio begins to echo
and become muted)
(Evelyn off screen) Felix!
Huh?
How was it?
Oh, fine.
I'm sorry.
It was great.
I'm sorry, I just suddenly
realized how much I
I just don't care
about this script anymore.
You know, I've been working on
this thing for the last six
years
and who am I kidding?
I'm never going to be
able to sh**t this.
Just think of how much
time I've wasted.
Hey, don't say that,
man. Yeah, we can
work through the
kinks. That's why we're here.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, you guys
are great but
I think I'm done here.
(phone vibrates)
Hey, what's up?
I just wanted to tell you
that I love you...
And that I also hate you for
being a lesbian.
Maybe we should talk
about this later.
Every time I fall for a girl,
she either used to be a lesbian,
becomes a lesbian...
Or just straight-up
is a lesbian.
I blame you.
And maybe Mom
a little too.
I assume that what you're trying
to say is that because you and I
are so close
and because you love and
respect me so much
you think that's why you're
constantly attracted to women
who just so happen
to also be lesbians?
Bingo.
It's okay for me to laugh
at this, right?
It's absolutely okay.
I'm guessing this has somethi
ng to do with that Stella girl?
You were right.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Can I give you a call when
I get off work?
Or maybe if you want,
you can come over for dinner.
No, I'll be fine.
Honestly, I just wanted
to tell you I love you.
I love you too.
And I don't really hate you
for being a lesbian.
I know you don't. I'll
talk to you later.
Aaaaa!!!
sh*t!
Hey!
Hey.
You the new downstairs roommate?
Upstairs.
Cool.
Felix sat slouched in his chair
writing about nothing
in particular.
All he could think about
was Stella.
("Hey Suzzanne" by Posse
begins playing)
(Felix's VOICE OVER)
Interior House Party Night
Finnegan stands in an archway,
talking to a brunette girl in a
denim jacket.
She notices the two open
beers in each of his hands.
- Double fisting, huh? Uh, no.
- Uh,
Uh no. Uh...
This one is my friends. I'm just
holding it for him.
(Felix's VOICE OVER)
The Brunette Girl laughs.
(Felix's VOICE OVER)
Exterior House Party Night
Finnegan and the Brunette girl
continue to talk on the
balcony of the back porch
bathed in moonlight.
Finnegan is smitten,
and eventually he asks
her for her name.
The girl lights up a cigarette,
which envelops her
in a dreamlike veil of smoke.
Finnegan...
And Suzanne
Suzanne turns and walks away
leaving...
Finnegan
alone beneath
the marquee.
He looks at the camera
and shrugs.
FINNEGAN...
"Well, I did it."
Cut to... Black.
The end.
Okay.
Now what?
(Upbeat pop song plays
over montage)
Perfect!
Let's have you stand
right here...
And let's get sound up!
Um yeah...
Ow!
Jeez okay...
Just hold it right there.
This is that party scene,
scene seven...
Six!
Hmm... Double-fisting?
Oh, no.
These are just um... Just
holding it for my friend.
What kind of movies do you like?
Um... I don't know. All kinds.
Have you ever watched
any David Lynch?
Oh yeah, I mean Eraserhead
is like one of my
favorite movies of all time.
Eraserhead.. Yes.
f*ck that baby though.
(spits)
Here I got you some
cigarettes for this scene.
They're real cigarettes?
During the
audition I asked
if you would smoke,
and you said that would be fine.
Yeah you know, now that I
think about it though
I'd really just prefer if I
didn't have to do that.
Hold on. Hold for sound.
Is that really an important part
of the character?
She smokes in like every scene!
Action.
Um, do you wanna...
Play?
sh*t.
All right, when I call action
I'm gonna have you, Suzanne, and
you, Nor
ma, start singing along
to that karaoke song.
What song are we
supposed to sing?
The song that's in the script.
- There's a specific song in the
script? - Oooo I did not know
that.
Oh, my God. How did you
not know that? It's in the
script.
You read the script!
Felix, man we got to
get rolling soon.
We have like 10 minutes before
we're supposed to be wrapped.
Oh my God, I am freaking out.
I am freaking out!
Also, why am I
wearing this beard?
(various chattering)
What the f*ck am I doing?
Holy sh*t!
Okay, smile though!
I made a cool movie. I
made a good movie.
People are going to
like my movie.
Yeah.
Yeah! Felix! Woo!
(laughter)
(uplifting music begins playing)
(audience member coughs)
Uh... Thank you.
Thank you all for
coming to my movie.
Um, if you don't have
any questions feel free to...
If you have any questions
or comments, feel free to...
All right... Yep.
Thanks for... Thanks for
coming anyway.
Does anybody have any...
Felix!
f*ck you!
Okay.
Thanks for coming to my movie!
sh*t.
I just don't know how I'm
supposed to feel about it.
I'm sure he wasn't
trying to hurt your feelings.
Yeah, but about Nora?
That's not fair to her. What
about the way...
Hey!
Hey.
I'll see you at home?
Yeah.
You really made it seem like I
was a huge pothead.
Those were just
characters.
I know.
But good luck trying to
convince her of that.
You know, you didn't have to
make a whole movie about it.
You could have just told me.
Seeing those
characters up there...
Seeing us up there...
That was so inconsiderate.
And with Nora sitting
right next to me
that was really embarrassing.
I can see how that might be
a little uncomfortable.
And what was with the
bearded girl?
The one who was obviously
supposed to be Nora.
Was that some kind of gay joke?
No! No, absolutely not!
Have you ever seen "Die Hard"
or uh...
You know, David Cronenberg's
remake of "The Fly"?
Of course I have.
So I was rewatching
both of those.
And you know, I realized in
the eighties...
Any time someone important in a
movie had a beard...
They're always a bad guy.
So that's...
Why I gave Nora a beard.
(laughs)
Are you mad at me for making it?
I don't know.
No?
Good... Beca
use I needed to make it.
I really did, you know?
I tried to finish writing my
other movie but
I just couldn't.
This was all I could
think about.
I like that you sh*t it on VHS.
Really?
You know, you made a comment
once about nostalgia.
And how your mind
practically plays back
all of your memories on VHS.
You said something about um...
Yeah! Um...
About "Having to adjust
the tracking
on all the spots where the
magnetic tape of your memory
fails you."
I just thought that
was beautiful.
So that's why I did it.
How come you
waited so long
to tell me that you and Nora
had started seeing each other?
How come you pretended
like you were my friend
when you were really just
trying to get me to fall for
you?
Okay. Tell me that's not what
you actually think.
I wasn't pretending to
be your friend.
I wanted to be
your friend.
When we established right away
that that's all it was
ever going to be.
That was a
dream come true.
But then, you know
when we started hanging out, it
was all so effortless.
I just
I loved being around you.
The more I got to know you
the more I realized
how much I love
absolutely everything about you.
And at first, you know,
it was pure
legitimate friend love.
I mean, honestly it wasn't
until my sister
and her girlfriend tried
to set me up with one of their
friends.
You never told me your
sister was gay.
Um... well... she is.
She's very gay.
Yeah.
Anyway, so
I went on this double
date, and it was bogus.
And the whole time I just
kept comparing the person...
To you.
I wish you would have told me.
Well I was going to. But I mean,
that was the night that you told
me that
you and Nora started
seeing each other.
And even though it
broke my heart.
I tried so hard
to be friends with both of you.
Because I just couldn't
bear the idea
of not having you in my life.
In whatever capacity.
You truly are...
Maybe the best friend
I've ever had.
I don't know.
Maybe it was dishonest of me
not to tell you how I felt.
But also, maybe it wasn't.
But if it was, I'm sorry.
I was afraid to tell you
about me and Nora.
I thought maybe you wouldn't
want to hang out with me
anymore...
And then I'd lose you.
As a friend.
You realize that's absurd,
right?
It's not the first time
it's happened.
I really liked you, Felix.
And eventually I had
a feeling that
you might have been like,
I don't know
falling for me
or whatever.
But I didn't know how to bring
it up. Or if I even wanted to.
I thought maybe if I just
stopped talking to you
then maybe you'd stop trying
to talk to me too.
And it'd never have to
be addressed.
We'd forget about it and each
other, and just go on with our
lives.
We could just blame it on
fate or whatever.
You know, unfortunately
I can't forget about
you that easily.
You've made far too big of
an impact on me.
Stella I think you're an
amazing human being.
You know, frankly I think you're
the cat's bananas.
I think you're
amazing too.
I don't know that I've ever
had a friend that
I click with the way that I
click with you.
But I can't be your friend if
you can't handle me
being with someone else.
Nora's probably pretty mad
at me, isn't she?
Did you not see her
storm out of the auditorium?
Yeah, I guess I did.
Would you tell her I'm sorry?
I will.
Hey, maybe we could all hang
out later this week.
The three of us could go see a
movie or ride go-karts or
something.
I don't know why I said that
I've never ridden a
go-kart in my life.
Maybe I just really want to.
Felix?
We should probably give
it some time.
That makes sense.
Friends?
Goodbye, Felix.
I'll see you...
Later.
Well... I did it.
(synth pop music plays
over credits)
Mountainside (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3