01x09 - The Uncivil Servant

[bunniefuu]

Hi, folks, All aboard
for low, low prices,

[TRAIN BELL RINGING ON TV]

As Traxler's announces its
annual "Great Train Wreck" sale.

That's right. The little
engine that could, couldn't.

Ooh!

And we spent the whole month
picking hundreds of quality,

factory-direct furniture
off the hillsides of...

[WHOOPING]

[g*n f*ring ON TV]

ANNOUNCER ON
TV: Movies all night long

brought to you by Traxler
Discount Furniture Warehouse,

Hi, folks. I'm Harold Traxler. I'm
going out of my mind this month

with Traxler's
"Temporary Insanity" sale.

This month only, we're losing our
marbles to give you the best buys

in furniture, appliances, antiques,
bric-a-bracs, paddywacks...

[BEEPING]

So give your dog a bone...

Hello? WALLY ON
PHONE: There's a problem.

The copier's broken.

That's okay.

HI make copies and you
can return the originals.

How soon?

If anyone notices this
file's missing, then...

Tomorrow night.

TRAXLER ON TV: we're
not talking particle boards...

We're chopping our prices
to pass on true values to you.

Call me, I'm reliable.
Call me certifiable!

But call me today for
the best values in town!

Limited offer for the
first 25 nuts down here,

They will receive a
free, black, velveteen

original work of art,

MYRON: Where's my newspaper?

The newspaper is not a
community thing around here.

It's supposed to be on my desk
every morning when I walk in.

You see what happens when
you don't get your rabies sh*t?

You, get me the file on Perkins.

And where's Stocksdale?

And get me those copies
I asked for yesterday.

Right away, Mr. Fowler.

And get me Horace on the phone.

Yes, sir, Mr. Fowler.

And get me some coffee.

Coming, Mr. Fowler.

Margaret.

I'll make the copies for you.

And let him get his own coffee.

Thanks, Janet.

Copier's broken again.

MARGARET: That's funny.
It worked fine last night.

It's jammed now.

Daddy, were you in
this filing cabinet again?

No, why?

Just curious.

MYRON: Call that bum,
Stocksdale, and tell him

if he's not in my
office in 30 minutes,

he won't have an office
to come to anymore.

And for the last time,
where's the coffee?

Are we waiting for special
delivery from Brazil?

He's on a roll this morning.

What do you say? I'd give
that about a 3 on the Richter.

Oh, no, no, no. A 3 is when one of
his horses finishes out of the money.

No, this one...

There's a good
bass to the growl,

but the endurance
just isn't there.

No, I give this one 2, tops.

Well, I'd have to
give it a 3.3, myself.

He managed to drive
Janet right out of the office.

Oh, Wally! Good morning.

Daddy's on the warpath.

WALLY: Oh.

RICK: Hi.

A.J.: Good morning.

We'll not only offer
you political asylum,

we'll even offer you breakfast.

No, thanks.

Hey, don't worry about him.

He just got up on the wrong
side of the bed this morning.

Of course, considering
that it's Myron,

he sleeps on the
wrong side of the bed.

If you could be
serious for a moment.

I have got a problem.

One of daddy's
confidential files is missing.

A.J.: Missing?

As in stolen.

From the locked filing
cabinet in his office.

What kind of file?

Well, it's the kind you can
blackmail somebody with.

It's a rich client with an
embarrassing personal situation.

It is Harold Traxler.

A.J.: The guy with the awful
discount furniture commercials?

Now, wait. Hey, he's a classic.

I stay up and watch
Highway Patrol just to see him.

He's got this one where he
goes into this forest of sofa beds

in this giant warehouse with
this half-naked girl and he...

[EXCLAIMING]

A.J.: Do you think
it was an inside job?

One of Myron's hundreds
of trained investigators?

Yeah.

I haven't told him yet. I
want you to handle the case.

Us?

Well, would a brain surgeon
operate on his own brain?

You know, if we're
gonna talk about brains,

let's leave Myron out of this.

Okay. If you don't want the job,

I'll just let my little
fingers do some walking.

[STAMMERING] No. Wait
a minute. Wait a minute.

What do you think?

Well, I think I ought to
disqualify myself from this case.

Why? Conflict of interests.

Well, if word of this gets out,

Myron's reputation is
gonna be ruined, right?

MYRON: Over my dead body.

Daddy, be reasonable.

It could've been
anybody in the office.

Now, come on. You can't give
that case to one of your operatives.

No, no, no. If you try to
investigate it, you're gonna get mad.

You're gonna fire
everybody in the office.

We will never get the file back.

A good attorney never
represents himself.

I was right to go outside.
You have to admit that.

Oh, Daddy, look, the
way I've got it figured,

whoever it was planned to
copy the file and then put it back.

Well, now, the
copier broke down.

So if he thinks that we haven't
noticed that the file is missing...

They'll come back
and try and return it.

Mmm-hmm. And you two
will be there to catch him.

Okay with you?

I want a professional discount.

Myron, we charge an honest rate.

Hey, come on, I'm
practically family.

Adopt us, we'll talk about it.

I don't want him involved.

We work as a team.

I want daily reports.

Weekly.

I want receipts
for all expenses.

Even bribes?

A good investigator...

Doesn't tell another good
investigator how to do his job.

Hello, Wally.

What the hell do
you expect me to do?

Look at the options
you're giving me.

I could break your
legs and fire you.

Or I could break your legs,
fire you, and call the police.

Or I can just break
your legs for starters

and then work my way
up the rest of your body.

Wally, do you want
me to turn you over

to those two monkey
grips out there?

Come on, Myron.

I've played good cop-bad
cop. You taught me.

Well, then what the hell's
got you running so scared

that you trash 20 years
of trust and friendship

and you don't even have
the guts to tell me why?

Wally, please, talk to me.
You playing the horses?

Is it loan sharks,
the mob, what?

It's worse.

What could be worse?

That's your life, Wally. I'm
putting the word out on you today.

You're never gonna work
in this business again.

Myron.

What's it all about?

I don't know. He
wouldn't tell me.

He wouldn't tell you anything?

Nothing.

And you let him
walk out of here?

Myron, we could have broken him.

Somebody already
broke him, Rick.

Somebody pushed
all the right buttons

and took his manhood
away from him.

I saw it happen in Korea.

Wally's scared to death.

I've known him 20 years.

I want you guys to stick
on him like cheap cologne.

I wanna know everywhere he goes,

everyone he sees.

I wanna know
who did this to him.

He's a friend of mine.

RICK: If I were Wally, you
know what I'd do? I'd go to Hawaii.

Be packing my bags right now.

Always wanted to be
on a stakeout in Hawaii.

I think we better move.

What are you talking about?

Sun's right, nice breeze.
Can't you just hear

the soft rustling of dollar
bills every minute we sit here?

Yeah. But that little
old lady over there

has been watering the same
rose for the past 20 minutes.

Yeah, so?

So she's made us.

So she's gonna call the police.

So we're gonna have to answer
some very awkward questions.

So Wally's gonna find
out that we've made him.

So Myron's gonna fire us.

So I'll take care of it.

Excuse me, ma'am.

[EXCLAIMING]

I'd just like to
introduce myself.

My name is Rick Simon,
that's my brother A.J. out there

with our att*ck
trained security animal.

We're part of Community Watch.

That's a citizens' action
group that was formed

to discourage burglary and
other neighborhood crimes.

You are?

Yes, ma'am. I just
wanted to let you know

we're gonna be operating in
this area on a trial basis this week.

Well, it just so
happens that last...

In honor of the birth
of my latest grandchild,

Traxler's is proud to announce

our "It's A Boy" sale.

Come in for your free cigar

and a look at the biggest bargains
since our "Damaged In Transit" sale.

Hundreds of dinette sets, sofa
beds, three-piece sectionals.

Hold it. Honey.

She's late on the
Queen Sleeper again.

Okay. Cut it.

Let's pick it up again
at the dinette set.

Caroline, want to walk it again?

And while you're at it, better let
her work out on that rocker recliner

so that we don't have to
call the fire department again.

I'm glad you called me
about the missing file, Myron.

Do me a favor. Sure.

Forget all about it.
Pretend it never happened.

What are you talking about?

Harold, is somebody
putting the arm on you?

No!

It's personal. I can handle it.

Anything you try to do to
help will just make it worse.

Understand?

No, I don't understand.

Then trust me.

Myron, I'm your
best client, right?

So I get in trouble with
the girls every few months.

It's money out of
my pocket into yours.

What's wrong with that?

Just drop it.

That file was stolen
out of my office.

You trusted me,
and I betrayed that.

I still trust you. Trust
me. Stay out of it. Please.

BARBARA: Ready
when you are, Mr. T.

Okay. Be with you
in a minute, Barbara.

[WHISPERING] Myron, you
don't know. You have no idea.

Please.

I haven't had this
kind of excitement

since Barnaby
Jones went off the air.

Well, as most of our work
is just a routine precaution,

I'd kind of appreciate it if you didn't
tell the rest of the neighbors about this.

All right.

Oh, would you like a brownie?

Yes, ma'am.

You know, it made me so mad.

He was the one thing that
we seniors could relate to.

These are very good.
What do you put in here?

The usual thing.

Flour, sugar,
chocolate, fifth of gin.

I call them my
Happy Hour Brownies.

Well, they're very good.

Why don't you take
one for your friend?

Thank you very much.

And one for later.

Okay, thank you a lot.

Oh, and...

No. I don't want to take all
your brownies, Miss Mitchell.

Thank you.

Very good.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Here you go, Marlowe. A
little reward for being so patient.

Here.

Come here.

Come on, Marlowe.

Marlowe, come on.

Marlowe. Get out
of there. Come on.

[WHIMPERING]

Hi, Nadine. It's Rick Simon.

Terrific.

Hey, listen, sweetheart.

How about punching one into
your computer there for me, okay?

All right, it's California,



Okay.

Yeah, Frank, what?

Frank Campbell. Let
me write that down.

All right. Got it.

Yeah.

Well, of course I
remember your hot tub.

It was worth
every splinter of it.

[RICK LAUGHING]

Thursday at 8:00? All right.

Yeah, listen, Nadine, should
I bring my snorkel and fins?

Absolutely.

All right. Bye-bye.

We belong to the
same health club.

I went out to see Traxler.

A.J.: And what did he say?

Nothing.

Nothing, as in not much,

or nothing, as in what
we got from Wally?

He said, "I just want to
forget it ever happened."

Forget what ever happened?
Myron, what is in that file?

Harold keeps getting in trouble

with those girls he does
those commercials with.

It costs him a lot of
money to keep things quiet.

Well, if he's not afraid of
blackmail, what is he afraid of?

Not what. Who.

Traxler was as
scared as Wally was.

Maybe more so.

Whoever stole that file
has got two grown men

absolutely terrified.

What kind of a monster
are we dealing with?

Well, at least we
know it's federal.

RICK: What the
hell, I'm a veteran.

You can't park here.

Why not? They parked
in my space for two years.

You sure it was an
honorable discharge?

Barely.

Thank you, Nancy.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]

AGENT: Good morning, Frank.

How's everything
going up on your floor?

CAMPBELL: We're
doing our best, Jerry.

See you later, Frank.

You got a lead?

We do.

You better come in,
Myron, and shut the door.

Good news, isn't it?

Yeah, it's great news.
Just one little problem.

What's that?

You were asking earlier
who could possibly strike fear

into the hearts of
otherwise strong men?

Yeah. We found out.

Yeah? It's worse
than we thought.

That's what Wally said.
That's what Traxler said.

So who is it?

A.J.: The IRS.

No, it couldn't be.

No, why would the IRS wanna
steal a file out of my office?

I filed my tax return on
time this year, didn't I?

I don't know, Daddy.

Are you sure? The IRS?

We will be sure by
this time tomorrow.

Excuse me.

RECEPTIONIST: Mr. Simon? Yes?

Mr. Campbell will see you now.

Oh, thank you.

Hello?

Yes, yes.

One moment, please.

Yes, you're Mr...
Simon. A.J. Simon.

Yes, Mr. Simon. You're here
to be audited for what year, 19...

Oh.

Actually, I'm not
being audited at all.

In fact, this was my idea.

Mr. Simon, if you're here
to protest a disallowance,

you're wasting
my time and yours.

I could recommend an
excellent tax attorney.

No, no, no, it's not that.

Then why are you here?

Well, this is rather
embarrassing.

My conscience won't
let me forget. It was 1977.

What about 1977?

I made an error on
my income tax return.

I'm amazed, actually,
that the IRS didn't spot it.

What happened, see, was that I
forgot to include it under income.

I was left the
stocks by my father,

and, you know, the dividends
never really amount to all that much.

$148 and 37 cents.

You're telling me that you forgot
to declare a stock dividend for $148.

Yes.

And you were in the


which would mean that you
would owe an additional...

Uh, $44 and 51 cents.

Plus interest.
Four years' interest.

Of course. I forgot
about the interest.

You do seem to have a
memory problem, Mr. Simon.

Hi, Marianne?

I'm Rick Simon. We met at the Peerless
Christmas party last year, remember?

Oh, sure. How are you?

I'm fine, I'm fine. Listen, I just
came by to say goodbye to Wally.

Well, he left for
Baltimore this morning.

Baltimore?

My brothers live there. My family's
in the meat packing business.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Wally...

He said something about
going into a different line of work.

Listen, guys at the office, we
were just, you know, wondering,

is everything okay?

I mean, what with Wally picking
up stakes so quickly and everything.

Everything's fine.

You sure now? No problem like a
medical problem or anything like that?

No, really. Thank you.

Well, I know it seems
like a sudden decision,

but Wally said he'd been
thinking about it for months.

And then the tax audit
turned out to be nothing.

Audit? Yes.

We were audited
for '77, '78 and '79.

Wally was very upset about it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Wally
mentioned something about that.

Yeah. He hardly
slept for two weeks.

But then when he went to see the auditor,
it turned out to be no problem at all.

None?

No. We didn't even have
to pay anything extra.

Oh, that's terrific.

Well, listen,

tell Wally I said hello
and goodbye and...

Okay? Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Mr. Simon, you've claimed
a deduction for dry cleaning?

Yes. Well, in my line of work,
appearance is very important.

You're a private investigator?

Yes.

Well, Mr. Simon, there appear
to be a few discrepancies,

but nothing worth
going into detail for.

We'll be sending
you a bill, Mr. Simon,

with the proper interest
calculated for you.

All right. Thank you.

Sorry.

Thank you very much.

Come on.

We got a real winner here, threatened
to blow up the First Lady's new china.

The First Lady's china.

That's the office.

Lock's pin-and-tumbler.

Filing cabinet's a push button
pin-and-tumbler. With a three tumbler key.

[COPIER WHIRRING]

The man works late.

[SIGHING]

Come on.

Hey, you Campbell, F, right?

You wanna stick around, that's
fine by me. I'll work around you.

What do you think you're doing?

It's all in the memo.

What memo?

What do you mean,
you didn't get the...

Oh, those jerks in Dispatch.

Hey, look. Can I borrow your pen
here, pal? I left mine down in the truck.

May I see some identification?

What are you? Jack Webb? Here.

Hold the end of this up against the
windowsill over there, would you, please?

Right over there
against the windowsill.

Right down there at
the bottom. That's it.

You wanted a bigger office, right?
We're gonna give you a bigger office.

Knock out a couple of these
walls, give you a lot more room.

You'll be happy, it'll be
wonderful and terrific.

There you go.

What about the window?

Window?

Nobody said nothing
to me about no window.

But, you know, I'll check with
my supervisor, see what I can do.

Yeah, I don't see no problem with
that. Window there'd be nice. Yeah.

RICK: Window. Yeah.

If I find you've
disturbed anything,

you'll never work for
the Civil Service again.

Is that a promise?

Wally's is marked,
"No Action Taken."

Traxler's is marked, "Pending."

Tampering with government
documents is a federal offense,

gentlemen.

If I were you, I'd put that
back in the right place.

Blackmail, extortion and fraud are
not federal offenses, Mr. Campbell,

but I think it's enough to
put you away for a little while.

So Traxler's hired himself
two more private investigators.

A very unique tax shelter.

Only, it's only going to
get him into more trouble.

You're the one that's
in trouble, Mr. Campbell.

I am? Oh, no, I don't think so.

Not at all.

This is Frank Campbell, room


Emergency.

No, no. Please come at
your convenience. Thank you.

I should've realized.

You and your anguished
taxpayer routine.

However, I must admit,
you had me fooled.

No, I don't think you realize

just how serious this
trouble is, Mr. Campbell.

Now, we can prove...
You can prove what?

That I asked Wally
to do me a favor?

In return, I would overlook a few
discrepancies in his income tax return?

You can't prove that.
Wally won't help you.

Wally's in a lot of trouble
lately. I'll reopen his case.

More than likely he'll end up in
prison and his family penniless.

I don't think Wally would
be too eager to testify.

Now, you tell Harold that all of his
expensive accountants and lawyers

aren't going to save him.

And you two are going to
wish that you'd never been born.

What do you think you're doing?

You come into my office
and you thr*aten me.

Who do you think
you're dealing with?

Some petty bureaucrat with a


I'm in trouble?

Oh, no. You just don't
know where you are.

You and poor old Harold.

Well, let me tell you
where you've landed.

You've landed right here.

And you're going to be
sorry. Very, very sorry.

Do you have a problem
here, Mr. Campbell?

Problem?

Oh, no. No, these two gentlemen
were trying to find the way out.

Well, right this way, gentlemen.

They're gonna seize my boat.

They say I didn't even
file a tax return last year.

Do you believe this?
They can't do this!

You wanna bet?
Check that one out.

Oh, how could you owe
$5,180 in back taxes?

Oh, simple. Campbell just
moved the decimal point.

That's the good news.

The bad news is that I
have... I have 10 days to pay it,

otherwise, they freeze my
assets, they seize all my property.

Are you kidding?

It'll take 10 days to get an appointment
just to straighten this mess out.

I'd like to freeze his assets.

MYRON: It's all their fault!

Myron.

It's not gonna do any good,
but it'll make me feel better!

I'm gonna k*ll both of them!

Myron being audited, too?

[WHISPERING] Okay.

Thank you.

[WHIRRING]

A. 7 Huh? A“

Did you loan your car to a
couple of guys with a tow truck?

What?

[TRUCK ENGINE REVVING]

Hey!

Harold, I'm telling you, this
thing isn't private anymore.

It's happening to all of
us. Campbell is insane.

And he's gotta be stopped.

Look, the man is using the
United States Government

for his own personal motives.

Now, he is making a mockery out of
everything that this country stands for.

And you're letting it happen.

Now, if you don't tell us why
Campbell is after you, we can't stop him.

Harold, what'd you do to him?

We were partners, 20
years ago, in Des Moines.

I drove a truck door to door,

asking people if they had any used
furniture they wanted to get rid of.

Frank was a whiz with the books.

See this woman
standing in the middle?

Harold, you didn't.

I did. You know me, Myron.

It was her idea.

I wanted to tell Frank. She
convinced me to go to Reno that night.

It was all over in a month. The
divorce, the marriage and the divorce.

No, wait a minute. How did
you manage two divorces?

She left me for a
tractor parts salesman.

I was luckier than
Frank, though.

At least she didn't take
my shares in the business.

She took Campbell
to the cleaners?

She martinized him.

She fiddled with the
books and took his shares

and left him high and dry.

He was destroyed.

Frank left town one week
before Cheryl left me.

I didn't even have
a chance to tell him.

And he's held a grudge
against you for 20 years?

I wrote him one every year.

All returned, unopened.

Then I lost track of him. I didn't
even know he was in San Diego

until I got into
this tax problem.

He audited me for '76
and '77. I was clean.

So, I guess he got frantic.

Hey, I got good accountants.

So he threatened to use the
file he stole from your office

to get me to agree to the
rulings on '78, '79 and '80.

I had no choice.

I lose my business
fast because of the girls,

or I lose my business
slow because of the IRS.

Harold, you're just
gonna have to help us out.

And if you don't, this Campbell
will squeeze you to death.

If I fight him, he'll
only get me sooner.

That's wrong. He's beaten
you because you've given up.

How can you fight the IRS?

A.J.: Well, we may have a plan,
but we're gonna need your help.

RICK: Boy, I hope Traxler
is a better actor tonight

than he is on those commercials.

A.J.: Is it him?

RICK: Yep, that's him.

A.J.: Well, get back in.
Don't let him see you.

Well, let's do it.

Just lie low. Give
him some time.

How long you think
it's gonna take?

I don't know. I've never done
a nervous breakdown before.

That's true.

TRAXLER: Thanks
for coming, Frank.

At least now we can talk
face to face, man to man.

You're about 20 years
too late for that, Harold.

You know how many times I tried?

I can't take this anymore.

You've got to give me a
chance to make things up to you.

I'll give you anything you want.

You don't have
anything that I want.

Anymore.

Cheryl would've left you
anyway. She was no damn good.

She left me after a month,
ran off with some salesman.

An Executive Vice
President, Harold.

It lasted four years.

Then she married a
computer technician.

That lasted five years.

She's single now. I
see her returns annually.

She's having a lot of
trouble with her taxes.

When is it gonna end? When
are you gonna be satisfied?

Haven't you had enough?

Well, if I had my way,
it wouldn't ever end.

Of course, sooner or
later, you'll be ruined.

The way you ruined me.

Then it will be all
over for you, Harold.

Now, now, Harold. That's
a stupid, stupid move.

You could k*ll me, but you
can't k*ll the Federal Government.

You're on the list.

Yes, even if you k*lled
me and got away with it,

Uncle Sam would never
give you a moment's peace.

I thought I could reason
with you, but I was wrong.

You're insane, Frank! I'm
not gonna let you t*rture me!

[g*n f*ring]

[DOOR OPENING]

A.J.: What have you done?

Is he dead?

You k*lled him.

RICK: A.J., call the police.

CAMPBELL: No!

RICK: You think he bought it?

A.J.: I will if you will.

A.J.: Hey, hey, hey. Slow
down. We don't wanna lose him.

Oh, yeah. Right.

Is he over that way? Nope.

I think we've lost him.

Oh, nuts.

[A.J. EXCLAIMING]

[GRUNTING]

Aha.

We got him. He's
right behind us.

Okay. I'll go
right, you go left.

[RICK SNEEZING LOUDLY]

Bless you!

A.J.: Over here.

Whoa!

Hello.

Police ought to be here by now.

No, they're about
as on time as trains.

How many sh*ts
has he fired, anyway?

Six.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

That's all right.

[CLICKING]

Ooh. We would have
bought the farm with that one.

With these cat-like
reflexes? Come on.

Those are not blanks!

Where'd he get a real g*n?

Why don't you ask him?

Goodbye, Mr. Simon.

The United States Government
will miss your annual contributions.

[GRUNTING]

Rick!

A.J., hang on!

[DISTANT SIRENS WAILING]

Easy. Easy now. Easy.

You okay?

AJ; Yeah.

You wanna get up?

Yeah. Okay.

Up you go.

Don't move, mister.

Get his g*n.

Hold it. Oh!

I didn't mean to k*ll him.

I'll show you. I didn't mean it.

I didn't mean it.

It was self-defense.

I didn't k*ll him, I swear!

You sh*t Traxler? Yes.

No. His body is...

It was... It was right here.

I mean... Wait a minute.

I don't understand.

They saw him.

He sh*t himself.

Right here. Who?

Traxler.

What's going on here?

No.

No, it can't be.

You're supposed to...

What's he talking about?

I don't know. He's got this
crazy idea that you're dead.

Dead? Me? I've never
felt better in my life.

Oh, I see.

You're trying to get
me to think that...

Well, it won't work.

Nobody's gonna hurt you, pal.

Now, come on. It's time to go.

No! No! I saw it
with my own eyes.

It was self-defense.

Ask them. They saw it.

Oh, no, no. I saw it.
It was self-defense.

He sh*t himself.
You've got to understand.

Please?

Tell me you understand.

Sure. Don't worry about a thing.

Everything's gonna be okay.

We're gonna go to the car, we're
gonna take a ride to the hospital,

and you can tell the
doctor all about it.

Who is he?

Frank Campbell.
He works for the IRS.

I don't think he's gonna be
working anywhere for quite a while.

Hi, folks, All aboard
for low, low prices,

[TRAIN BELL RINGING ON TV]

As Traxler's announces its
annual "Great Train Wreck" sale.

That's right. The little
engine that could, couldn't.

Ooh!

And we spent the whole month
picking hundreds of quality,

factory direct furniture off
the hillsides of Escondido,

so we can pass
great values on to you.

I didn't know he was
on in the afternoons, too.

Oh, yeah, he's better
than the soap operas.

I don't know how you
can stand to watch him.

Who cares about Traxler? It
happens that I'm a furniture lover.

Just look at that matched set.

Oh.

Caroline will be
waiting to show you...

Oh, yeah.

Huge selection of
plush velour playpens!

We're giving it away because
of a nick here and a tear there...

How does she do that?