01x02 - A Certain b*mb

[bunniefuu]

[ATSUSHI] I haven't smelled tatami mats... in a long time.

Hmm... Huh?

Where am I?

What happened last night?

Uhn... Was it... a dream?

Do you remember anything from when you were transformed?

[ATSUSHI] What are you talking about?

Oh! Look at that, your right hand didn't change back.

My right hand?

[gasps]

[pants]

[sighs]

[ATSUSHI] Sleeping under a roof feels... so good.

[cellphone ringing]

W-What? What? What?!

Huh? Uhh... Okay, I'll get it. I'm coming!

Coming! Coming! Coming!

I'm doing it! Right this second!

Which button am I supposed to push? This one?

Uh, no, no, no. Uh, this one? Nope! C'mon! Yes! H-Hello?!

And good morning to you!

[ATSUSHI] Oh... Hi, Dazai.

It's another beautiful day!

What do you think of your new accommodations?

They're great, thanks.

I mean, compared to sleeping outside,

this place is like heaven to me.

I'm happy to hear that.

The change of clothes at your pillow is a gift

from everyone at the agency.

Oh, wow!

Thank you so much for everything you've done for me.

By the way, Atsushi, I apologize for asking, but...

...I need help with a teensy weensy emergency.

[ATSUSHI] Emergency?

[OSAMU] Yes, and it's quite urgent.

I'll give you the specific location,

and I need you to meet me there immediately.

This is a crisis, and you're the only one who can help!

Understand?

O-Okay, I understand.

[OSAMU] Listen carefully.

Are you ready, Atsushi?

Yes!

[OSAMU] First, when you leave the room,

make sure you close and lock the door.

Then look behind you!

Behind me...? Uh?!

[ATSUSHI] Uh... What are you doing?

[OSAMU] What do you think?

[ATSUSHI] I think I'm hallucinating this whole thing?

[OSAMU] Wrong! Guess again!

An att*ck from a dangerous suspect?

Or did you get caught in a trap?

[OSAMU] I got in myself.

Huh?!

[OSAMU] Well, you see...

I read about this fascinating way to commit su1c1de

by getting stuck in an oil drum, so I decided to give it a sh*t.

Securing the feet is key...

But now that I've managed to do that, I'm really just suffering.

I've wedged myself in pretty deep,

and I can't get out on my own.

I might die.

I see...

So this is a way to commit su1c1de.

You chose to do it, and you think that it's working.

I don't see what the problem is.

I like the idea of su1c1de,

but I'm not all interested in pain and suffering.

Who wants that?!

All right...

[sighs]

There.

My name is Atsushi Nakajima.

[ATSUSHI] Just last night, I turned into a wild tiger

and went on a destructive rampage.

This man, Osamu Dazai, brought me back to normal.

[groans]

[ATSUSHI] Dazai has a special power, and he's not alone.

He works with a team of people endowed

with supernatural gifts in the Armed Detective Agency.

[OSAMU] Atsushi Nakajima!

[ATSUSHI gasps]

From this day forward, you're going be one of us.

You're the new member of the Armed Detective Agency.

[OSAMU sighs] That was painful.

I owe you a favor, Atsushi.

Without your ingenious help,

I would've eventually snapped in two at the waist.

Such agony.

Why didn't you call your coworkers?

Couldn't they've helped you get out of the barrel?

Oh, I called them, all right.

I told them I was at death's door.

They didn't understand my predicament.

They were all like, "Well, congratulations!

You're finally doing it!"

[ATSUSHI] Supportive friends.

Heh heh heh...

[OSAMU] Jeez.

Anyone gifted with supernatural powers

isn't totally right in the head.

[ATSUSHI] "Gifted"... Hmm...

Dazai.

[OSAMU] Hm?

[ATSUSHI] Everyone at the Armed Detective Agency...

I mean, the private investigators...

They're all gifted with powers, right?

[OSAMU] Right, we're an armed force taking on enemies

the police don't stand a chance against.

[ATSUSHI] Then I don't stand a chance at joining the agency.

[OSAMU] What are you talking about?

You're plenty gifted.

[ATSUSHI] It's true that I have the supernatural ability

to turn into a tiger.

But what good is it

if I have absolutely no control over my power?

I'm not even aware of it once I start to transform.

And I can't will myself to change into a wild tiger.

So I don't understand how I'd be of any use,

even if I could join.

I really appreciate the offer, though.

I am sorry.

[OSAMU] Very well.

What's your plan, then?

I've decided I'll look

for a low-skilled, low-wage job I can handle.

I'm just a little afraid it won't be very easy to find.

[OSAMU] I think I may know of the perfect job for you.

Huh?

I might even be able to help you get it.

Seriously?

[ATSUSHI] Thank you so much!

We'll meet with the supervisor.

He'll give you all the details about the work,

your co-workers, and the organization.

I've got a good feeling about this.

He'll love you.

What's the job title?

[OSAMU] No point spoiling the fun.

But just so you know, there may be a test of sorts.

Eh?! A test?

Atsushi, can you read and write?

I can!

They taught me at the orphanage school.

Great. Then you'll be perfect.

Whew!

[OSAMU] Yes, you'll be just fine at this place.

I guarantee it.

Thank you so much.

[OSAMU laughs] You'd better thank me...

Just leave it to me, and everything will be fine!

Don't you worry!

After all, I am Dazai...

The most trusted member of the Armed Detective Agency,

and a true hero to adoring fans everywhere.

I've been looking everywhere for you, Dazai!

You bandage-squandering machine!

Ohh!!

Oh, you Kunikida.

Why couldn't you come up with a better nickname?

Because you're delusional!

You think you're "the most trusted member" of the agency?

You get more complaints than anyone else!

People curse you out on a regular basis!

Really?

What? No way.

Since when did I ever get a complaint?!

[DOPPO] Here was a call we received in August:

"A so-called employee of yours has been caught

in our offshore fishing net.

Can you come retrieve him?"

Here is a call from September:

"Some weirdo's got himself buried on my farm.

Could he be one of yours?"

[OSAMU] Th-Th-Th-Th...

[DOPPO] "That skinny rat needs to pay his tab, okay?!

All six months worth!"

I'm flabbergasted...

Who knew you were so skilled at doing impressions

of other people?!

[growls]

You worthless cad! Stop ridiculing me.

I'm gonna shake you silly!

I'm starting to have second thoughts

about accepting his help.

Maybe I should look for a job on my own.

[DOPPO] Oh, right!

Huh?

I just lost a whole minute with this idiot.

He's got a knack for wasting my time.

We've gotta get to the agency!

We do?

We have an emergency!

A man has taken a hostage and threatened to blow up our office

Huh...?

A mad bomber?

[ATSUSHI] Uh...

[DOPPO] What? What's your question?

The agency's on the fourth floor.

[ATSUSHI] Eh, no, I wasn't thinking about that.

It was more, well--

[OSAMU] Let's take the stairs to be safe.

[ATSUSHI] E-Excuse me, but I--

--[DOPPO] Quiet! --[ATSUSHI] Oh, sorry.

[OSAMU] Atsushi, it's show time.

[ATSUSHI] It is?

[JUNICHIROU] I can't...

I can't take it anymore...

It's all your fault...

The awful Armed Detective Agency's fault!

Now, where's the president?

Bring me the president! If you don't.

I'll blow everyone in this place to kingdom come.

[NAOMI screams]

[OSAMU] Sounds like this guy has a personal grudge.

That's inconvenient.

[DOPPO] Agreed.

[ATSUSHI] Why'd you bring me here again?

Based on what he's saying,

the bomber seems furious at the agency.

Honestly, I don't think I can help you.

May I go now?

[OSAMU] Because of the work we do,

we attract a lot of ill will.

[ATSUSHI] Did you hear what I said?

[OSAMU] That is a m*llitary grade, high-level expl*sive.

If the bomber acts on his thr*at and detonates it,

It'll k*ll us and destroy the whole floor.

Oh no.

We may be able to reduce the force of the blast

if we can find something to cover

the b*mb before it detonates.

[boom]

But given the circumstances...

Since he took her hostage, he's not only mad, he's cruel.

Do you know who she is?

[OSAMU] Her name is Naomi.

She's a part-time office assistant.

[ATSUSHI] She's not an agent?

Then she's just an innocent victim in this terrible mess!

So what do we do?

He wants to see the president.

Bring him here.

Are you insane? He'll try to k*ll the president!

We can't let the boss walk into a bad situation like this!

Plus, he's off on a business trip.

Right, I forgot.

Then there's only one option...

[ATSUSHI] Are they going to use their powers?

[ATSUSHI] Huh?

[laughs]

Nah-nah-n'nah-nah.

[DOPPO] Hey.

Easy does it, kid.

Stay away! I only want to see the president!

Don't you try anything funny, or I'll blow this place to bits!

Okay.

[JUNICHIROU] I know who you are.

You're Kunikida!

You want me to lower my guard

so you can use that annoying ability of yours to stop me!

Well that sure ain't happening.

Lay down on that desk on your hands and knees

and keep both feet above your head!

[DOPPO] Huh?

You'll do exactly as I say,

or I'm taking everyone here down with me!

Fine.

This is bad.

Because of his personal grudge against the Agency,

he's done his research on all the members names and faces.

If I go out there and try to talk to him,

it'll only make him more angry.

Oh my... Whatever shall we do now?

[ATSUSHI] Uh-oh. I just got a really bad feeling...

A-tsu-shi can...

[ATSUSHI] Absolutely not.

I haven't even said anything, yet.

I already know what you're gonna ask.

[OSAMU] Listen to me, Atsushi...

You're the only option.

You're not a formal member,

and the bomber doesn't know you at all.

You're right.

But if I go, I won't be able to do anything.

[OSAMU] You'll be fine.

We just need you to distract him for a little while.

Try talking to him.

We'll take care of everything else.

Let me think here...

Ah! How about you put on an act? Make it depressing--

like you think you're a real worthless human being.

I know you can do it. Right?

Here are some props.

[OSAMU] Trust me.

Scuffles on this scale are child's play

compared to what we normally deal with...

You can handle this, Atsushi.

[ATSUSHI] D-D-D-Don't do it!

Huh?!!

[ATSUSHI] Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you hoping to get out of this?

I... I bet this would make your parents really sad!

Who the hell are you?!

I'm sorry!

I don't know who you are.

You're not with the agency.

[ATSUSHI] Uh! I-I-I'm a newspaper boy.

I was just paaing by as I was on my route.

Why the hell would you get involved in this situation?

Because what you're doing isn't right.

No matter how you feel

you shouldn't thr*aten to k*ll people.

Think about the wonderful things worth living for.

Yeah, like what?

[ATSUSHI] Huh?

[JUNICHIROU] What's something to live for?!

Y-Y-Yummy tea on rice!

Tea on rice is a reason to live!

[JUNICHIROU] Hmm?

Oh, and sleeping somewhere with a roof over your head!

Waking up under a roof is great.

And when you open your eyes, every day is a new day...

But...

If you push that button,

neither of us will ever see another new day...

...and that's because we'll be dead.

I understand the concept.

Wait!! Seeee...

I really don't think you've thought about this

from all the angles.

I mean, if you die,

you're really dead!

I'm sure you wish you were dead sometimes,

but there are many people who keep on living,

even though their lives are completely awful.

Oh, people like me!

I don't have any family, and no friends either!

I even got chased out of an orphanage.

I have nowhere to go, and no hope for the future...

What's worse, I turn into a wild tiger.

Yeah, you heard me right!

In fact, it might be true that I lack redeeming qualities,

and everyone agrees I'm a useless member of society.

But I'm still alive and I haven't gone psycho!

[OSAMU] Doing great, Atsushi.

It's almost like this performance

isn't just an act for you.

Now why don't you put down that b*mb detonator...

...and we can look for jobs together, okay?

No, thanks.

I'm not exactly looking for work these days...

Now, Kunikida!

[DOPPO] Already on it!

Ability...

Doppo Poet...

Wire g*n!

Crap!

Get him, Kunikida!

[DOPPO] Like I already said, I'm on it!

[OSAMU] Okay, everyone.

One man down. Well done.

[sighs]

[OFFICER WORKERS laugh and clap]

"One man down"?

Are you're kidding me?!

[OSAMU] Huh?

Fine, so it was just one guy,

but I had to do all the hard physical work.

Unlike you. You're all talk and no action.

Oh, now you're being ridiculous.

That was my only option.

After all, you lost at rock-paper-scissors.

You bastard...

Come on.

All's well that ends well, teammate.

I'm just glad you're still in one piece.

But speaking of your health, I've been meaning to tell you...

I heard that if you're too neurotic,

your aging becomes accelerated.

[gasps] Really, is that true?

Yes, write this down.

"A tip for better longevity: If you're too neurotic...

...your aging becomes accelerated..."

I'm messing with you.

[DOPPO] Ugh!! You little weasel!

I'm gonna teach you to stop ridiculing me!

[grunts]

Hyaaah!

Got it...

The hell?!

[JUNICHIROU] Now you'll pay!

I swear, anyone with supernatural powers

is not totally right in the head...

Thirty seconds left till detonation!

[DOPPO] Hey, kid!

[JUNICHIROU] No way!

Kunikida!

What do I do?

We may be able to reduce the force of the blast

if we can find something to cover it before it detonates.

Something to cover the b*mb...

Something...

There's nothing here!

[whimpers]

Atsushi! What?

[ATSUSHI] Well, I guess I'm crazy to do this.

You fool!

No, don't!

Huh...?

[DOPPO] Jeez...

Huh?

You know I figured the kid was stupid,

just not that stupid.

[ATSUSHI] Huh?

He even has the talent to become a suicidal maniac.

Wouldn't you agree with me, Tanizaki?

Sorry. Are you okay?

Huh?

Aw, my sweet big brother!

Ah!

Please tell me you're all right!

[ATSUSHI] What?

Ah... You were so wonderful as the villain!

I believed every second of it.

I had the time of my life being tied up!

And I loved how intense and dangerous it felt.

Please promise me we'll continue where we left off,

once we get home.

[ATSUSHI] Hmm...

So she was in on the entire thing, too?

You mad?

If you're upset, you should blame Dazai.

Or yourself.

After all, you chose an idiot like him to help you find work!

Wait, does that mean this is the job?

It sure is.

I told you there was a test involved.

As in, an entrance exam?

Exactly right.

The exam has been completed

without any complications, President.

[YUKICHI] I see.

President?

[YUKICHI] Dazai came to my office saying his work

had brought him in contact with a capable young man.

But I needed more than his word, so I had him test your mettle.

[gasps]

[OSAMU] You did well.

I brought up the idea that the Agency hire you,

but since you've been designated a major thr*at

throughout the ward,

there was disagreement as to whether we should take you in.

Then Dazai asked me a question.

[OSAMU] President.

What if the most gifted person in the world came

into your office, wanting to work here, would you hire them?

[YUKICHI] Power alone doesn't make one fit

to be a member of the agency.

[OSAMU] Mmm...

That's exactly why I'm recommending him.

With that in mind, are you ready to make your decision?

Ah...

[YUKICHI] I'll let Dazai decide.

[OSAMU] You can trust me, sir.

Hold on, Dazai.

This is all happening too fast!

Does this mean the job you told me about this morning was...

You apparently passed the test.

Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency, Atsushi Nakajima.

Not again!

Great, I'm glad I was able to help.

Congratulations, you passed your big exam.

[ATSUSHI] Uh, no, no, no!

This job is way too violent for me,

and you people are completely reckless!

Yet, you're the one who threw yourself on a b*mb

to protect the rest of us.

That takes a special kind of person.

You know he's right.

I can't believe how brave you were!

You'll do fine working here.

Will I...?

Have you reached a decision, sir?

Do you think the young man preformed competently enough

to join the agency?

[KIRAKO] Oh, a tea leaf's standing straight up...

I think that's a very good omen, President.

[YUKICHI] Too hot!

[OSAMU] Now, obviously,...

...we can't force you to join.

But if you don't, there are a lot of considerations

that cause me to worry for your future.

You'll have to vacate

your present Agency-owned living accommodations.

You don't really have any specialized skills,

nor do you have friends

or any personal contacts in the city...

That will make finding a job very difficult.

And let's not forget,

you are a wanted tiger with a bounty on your head.

Should anyone discover of that personal detail,

you'd get fired...

Or worst, you'd be captured, tied up and maybe sh*t dead.

[ATSUSHI] Sh-sh*t dead?

But if you were with the Agency,

it would be a much happier story...

So I'm stuck here?

Welcome aboard!

We're excited to work with you, Atsushi.

Right, sweet brother?

Remember to follow the rules, rookie.

Well, I'm glad it's settled...

Oh, brother.

[ICHIYOU] The weretiger has been located.

[ATSUSHI] So Dazai, tell me,

what did you do before you entered the Agency?

[OSAMU] Take a guess.

If you get it right, I'll give you a prize of , yen.

[ATSUSHI] ,?!

[OSAMU] Meanwhile, we have a guest at the Agency office.

It looks like there's been another incident.

[ATSUSHI] Next time on Bungo Stray Dogs ,

episode : "Yokohama Gangster Paradise."

[OSAMU] Think about it.

I could have been a manga artist or even an anime producer!