06x09 - The Ring

[bunniefuu]

* Sometimes the world
looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just
get a feeling

* Like you need
some kind of change

* No matter what the odds
are this time

* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way

* This flame in my heart

* Like a long-lost friend

* Gives every dark street
a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder
the wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* Ah

* It's my life and my dream

* And nothing's
gonna stop me now *

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Balki, look at this.

Jennifer is gonna
love her engagement ring.

And I was smart enough to buy it
from a discount jeweler

so I got twice the ring
at half the price.

Well, cousin, Jennifer's
gonna need twice the finger

to hold it up.

It's humongous!

I don't know, what was so wrong

with that little diamond chip?

Balki, Balki, Balki.

In America

the size of a man's love
for his woman

is determined by the size
of the diamond he buys her.

Big diamond, lots of love.

Little diamond, here's your hat

what's your hurry?

On Mypos, the size
of a man's love

is determined by the size
of the goat

he gives his beloved.

Big goat, lots of love.

Little goat,
that's all she wrote.

Fascinating culture.

Cousin, the box says "Tiffany."

You got a box from Tiffany

and you didn't get me
her autograph?

This is a box from Tiffany,
the jewelry store.

But you didn't buy the ring
from Tiffany, the jewelry store.

You bought the ring
from Harrison Dunne

the Diamond King.

I know I didn't buy it
at Tiffany's, but I thought

this would be more impressive
than the raisin box

Harrison Dunne
put the diamond in.

Balki.

When I give this ring
to Jennifer

it's gonna be one
of the great moments of my life

and I want everything
to be perfect.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh! Oh!

Alright.

[SIGHS]

Hi. Larry, what's going on?
You said it was important.

Uh, Jennifer, uh...

I have something for you

and I wanted our
two best friends

to share this moment.

Jennifer, sweetheart...

Oh, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

[WHISPERING]
This is romantic, it's romantic.

Thank you.
Yeah.

[STRING OF PEARLS PLAYING]

Balki?

Balki?

[TURNS VOLUME LOWER]

Thank you.

Jennifer, sweetheart.

This is for you.

[GASPS]

Oh, Larry, it's gorgeous!

This is the biggest diamond
I've ever seen! It's too much.

Nothing is too much
for the woman I love.

Oh!

Oh!
Oh!

Oh!
Oh!

[SCREAMS]

Oh, Larry!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Oh. Oh.
Oh.

Mmm.

Ooh, Jennifer,
it's from Tiffany's.

You should have it insured.
Oh, you're right.

First thing, Monday morning,
I'll get the ring appraised.

Well, I'll praise it
for you right now.

It's a sparkly ring!
No, Balki, Balki.

It's a, it's a...
No, no. No.

Not praise the ring,
appraise the ring.

When you appraise something
you determine its value.

But, cousin,
I can determine its value.

I was, I was right there
when you bought it. What six...

[LARRY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Yeah, uh, Jennifer, having
the ring insured is a good idea.

When it comes to diamonds,
you can't be too careful.

I'll say, we just heard
on the news tonight

about some guy named
Harrison Dunne getting arrested

for selling phony diamonds.

Phony diamonds?

to buy diamonds
out of the trunk of a Buick.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, po po.

Harrison Dunne?

Well, cousin,
isn't that a small world?

Yes, yes, yes, it is.
Because when we went...

When we went...
Yes, it is.

Oh, Larry, I love this ring.
When we went...

Oh, mmm.

Now, I have to go call my mother

and every girl I ever
went to high school with.

Come on, Mary Anne.

I wasn't going to call you.

Why not? I'm your best friend!

Balki, this is terrible.

Monday morning, after Jennifer
has the ring appraised

she's gonna know
the ring's a fake

and her fiance's a fool.

What a rotten way
to start the week.

What am I gonna do?

Well, cousin,
you just tell her the truth.

You tried to impress her

you tried to get
something for nothing

you went overboard

it's classic Larry Appleton.

I've seen it again
and again and again.

You're right.

I do this all the time.
Well.

I can't let her know
I've done it again.

Oh, God.
I'll sell my car.

We'll buy a real diamond
and we'll switch the rings

without Jennifer knowing,
and everything will be fine.

Cousin, selling your car
is wrong. Okay?

Switching the rings is wrong.

And while we're on the subject

making a dog
wear pants is wrong.

Balki, before,
when I tried to get something

for nothing, that was wrong
and you were right!

And it would be wrong

So, so, so, what you're saying
is the right way

to right the wrong is to give
Jennifer back the right ring

and take back the wrong ring?

Right.

You will?
Yes, I will.

until I get dizzy, so I'm gonna

save you the time
and me the headache.

Balki, that was delicious.

Oh, thank you, Mary Anne.

I don't often
make Moolinki loaf.

It's nearly impossible to find
fresh ox tonsils in Chicago.

Seconds?

Mary Anne, why don't you help me
clear away these dishes?

Alright, Balki, remember
what we're going to do.

I'll get Jennifer
to take off her ring

then I'll distract the girls.

for the fake ring
and give me the okay sign.

Okay.
Alright.

Balki.

Why don't you help Mary Anne

finish clearing off the table

and I'll help Jennifer
wash the dishes.

Why, cousin,
that's a very good idea.

Ooh, uh, Jennifer,
don't you think

you should, uh,
take off your ring?

Uh, you don't want it, uh

Oh, you're right.

I'm not used
to wearing a diamond.

Mmm.

I'll just put the ring
over here.

I'll just put the ring
over here.

I'll just put the ring
on the counter over here.

Alright, fine, Larry!

No, careful, Jennifer,
uh, that's...

Uh, that plate
is a family heirloom.

It is?
Oh, yes.

There is a date on the back.

where the light is better
and, uh, I'll show you.

Larry, I don't see any date.

You know, uh...

Cousin, maybe
if you tilt it a little

to the light
you might be able to

see it a little bit better.

Good idea, Balki.

You know, maybe it's
written in invisible ink.

Maybe if we just
squeeze a little bit of lem...

Larry, I don't see anything.

Ooh, oh, well, maybe, it's,
uh, maybe it's on the edge here.

'Uh, it-it could be, uh, just.'

Well, why don't you
just keep looking

and I'll finish
washing the dishes, okay?

Heh!
Heh!

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Oh, uh, gosh.

[PLATE SHATTERS]

Oh, God, tell me
it's not broken.

Larry, you must be heartbroken.

Well, hey, we'll get new family
heirlooms when we're married.

Oh, here, Jennifer.
Better put your ring back on.

But, Larry, I haven't finished
washing the dishes yet.

Oh, forget the dishes,
no wife of mine

is going to be doing dishes.

Now, why don't you
just go upstairs

and, uh, plan our wedding.

Bye-bye.
Wait a minute!

Wait a minute, girls.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Yes! Balki, we pulled it off.

Now, Jennifer's wearing
a genuine diamond

and we can throw this
hunk of glass in the garbage.

Cousin, you know, I can't
tell the difference between

Jennifer's real diamond
and this fake diamond.

Well, Balki,
I can understand your confusion.

Of course,
to my trained eye it's obvious

this is not a real diamond.

But to the average person
like yourself, Balki

there is only one way to tell.

A diamond is the hardest
substance in nature.

It can cut glass.

[SQUEAKING]

See? Nothing.

Now if this were a real diamond

there would be a hole
right here.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

What did you do?

What do you mean, what I did do?

I was just standing here.

You were the one
who cut the glass.

No, not the window. The ring.

What did you do with the ring?

I switched it
like you told me to.

You switched it?
Like you told me to.

Well, then why did you
go like this?

Because this means
everything's okay.

No, this means
everything is okay!

No, cousin, this means

the lead sheep
has been neutered.

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, oh, no. Oh, no.

That means that Jennifer
still has the fake ring

and she's gonna get it appraised
first thing in the morning.

Alright, Balki,
we are going to go upstairs

and get that ring back!

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[SCREAMS]

[SHUSHING]

Just open the window.

Balki, my eyes!

Come on.

Cousin? C...

I've dreamed of being
in Jennifer's bedroom.

I just never thought
I'd have to break in.

Here, hold the ring for me.

Mmm.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Mmm-mmm.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Ah!

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[GRUNTS]

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Oh.

JENNIFER: Hmm.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Ow!

Mary Anne, what was that?

I can't see! Oh, God, I'm blind!

Take off the mask.

We go through this
every morning!

My God, my ring is gone!

[SCREAMS]

Would you be quiet?

They may still be here.

Now, come on, let's check.

[WHISPERS]

Okay. Here.

I want the pink one.

Let's check.
Okay.

LARRY: Come on!

[GRUNTING]

Hello.

Put down the doll
and let's get outta here!

I...
Come on.

Larry! Balki!
What are you doing?

We heard Mary Anne scream
and we came right up.

Is everything okay?

It's taken me a few tries

but this is the engagement ring
you can keep.

It's smaller than the others...

Oh, Larry, I love this ring.

The other diamond was too big.
It wasn't my style.

And I'm glad
you could buy your car back.

Cousin Larry
got a really great deal.

He was able to buy it back

for only $200 more
than he sold it for.

Boy, Larry,
doing things the hard way

sure comes easy to you.

Well, I meant well.

I just wanted you
to have the best.

I have the best. I have you.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]