06x14 - Grandpa

[bunniefuu]

* Sometimes
the world looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just
get a feeling

* Like you need
some kind of change

* Nothing's going
to stand in my way

* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street
a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *

Well, looks like we're all set
for grandpa's visit.

[SNIFFING]

What's that smell?

You made goat lips?

They are the
traditional Myposian

grandparent welcoming dish.

[OVEN DINGS]

Oh, don't want them
to get too crispy.

And, cousin,
I thought after dinner

we take him
to the Lithuanian circus.

It's audience
participation night.

How is grandpapa Appleton
on the high-wire?

Well, hold your
Lithuanian horses.

One diggy hot lips,
two diggy hot lips

three diggy hot lips,
four diggy hot lips.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Seven diggy hot lips--
Balki.

Balki, circuses
and hot diggy goat lips

are gonna be too much
for grandpa.

Well, we're talking about
a 76-year-old widower

who doesn't get around
so well anymore.

He's a quiet,
frail old gentleman

and we have
to treat him carefully.

[SIGHS]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

That must be him now.

Hiya, Larry!

Grandpa.
[LAUGHING]

You must be Balki.

Well, yes, I am.

[LAUGHING]
Whoa!

Thank you, Balki.

Well, it's not grandpa anymore,
it's Buzz.

Well, well, well,
let's sit down.

Well, gee, it's great
to see you, grandpa.

Well, it's good to see you,
Larry, uh...

And it's Buzz.
Buzz?

What, what's happened?
I... I hardly recognize you.

Well, I dropped fifteen pounds
and got a new wardrobe.

How do you like these B-ball
shoes with the slam dunk pump?

Bodacious, Buzz.

[SNIFFING]

Well, those are
my Myposian goat lips

but Cousin Larry say that

that they are too spicy
for you, Buzz.

You know I always say, Balki,
there is no such thing

as too rich,
too thin or too spicy.

And I may say
there's no such thing as

too happy, too friendly
or too many pigs in your house.

But that's not putting
lips in your stomach.

Let me get you some.

You know what I'd really like,
Balki, uh...

...is some of that famous
deep dish Chicago pizza.

Oh, and, uh, maybe we can catch
that Lithuanian circus.

I hear it's in town.

That's a brilliant idea.

I... Isn't it, cousin?

Well, grandpa, wha...
What's happened to you?

Uh, you never acted
like this before.

I've never been this old before.

Larry, I realize that the few
years I have left are precious

and I don't want to waste 'em.

I want to meet some new people,
you know, and, uh

have some new experiences.

Went on a cruise,
had a terrific time.

Even made a new friend, Sam.

We had so much fun,
we decided
to get together again.

Sam lives in Chicago,
so, here I am.

Well, I, I'm... I'm glad to see
you're enjoying yourself

I, um, but I just think,
you know, someone your age

should, you know,
take things a little slower.

Larry, when you only
got a half the time

you gotta go twice as fast.

Where do I bunk?

Oh, you, you're using my room

Well, cousin,
Grandpapa Appleton is exactly

the way you described him.

Except for the, the clothes,
and the, uh, shoes

and, uh,
the way you described him.

I guess we won't be needing
the hot water bottle

and the prune juice you bought.

Well, we can return
the hot water bottle.

Oh, okay.
But the prune juice is for me.

[SIGHS]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Ah, what a day,
what a day, what a day.

Didn't I tell you guys
we would have a great time?

Yeah.
I loved that wild log ride.

Just like riding the rapids.

Didn't I tell you it would be
more fun standing up?

[LAUGHING]

Oh, ho!
It's almost 6 o'clock.

Sam will be here any minute.

I gotta pump up my shoes.

[GROANS]

Balki, what am I gonna
do with him?

He's my grandfather,
he's acting like a teenager

and you're not helping.

All right, cousin, I have
had it up to here with you.

There is absolutely
nothing wrong with a person

acting as young as they feel.

On Mypos, we always treat
the young as if they're old

so that they'll gain wisdom.

And we treat the old
as if they are young

so that they'd gain vitality.

Yeah, well, you also treat
your pigs to dinner and a movie

so you'll gain acceptance
from your livestock.

Well, that is only during
the harvest season

and I don't see what that
has to do with Buzz?

Balki, sit down.

People know their age
and they act their age.

That's how they know
what to charge at the movies.

Well, I don't think
my best bud Buzz

appreciates being put in a box--

Oh, he is not
your best bud Buzz.

Oh, I beg to differ.
Excuse me, I beg to butt in.

I beg to butt in.
No, he's not you best bud.

Excuse me, excuse me.

I... but...
Look...

Excuse me, he is...

Buzz is my bosom
buddy, booby.

[INDISTINCT ARGUMENT]

He is my grandfather.
I'll deal with him.

This is because you got wet,
isn't it?

I told you not to sit
in the front of the log.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Get the door.
You get it.

We'll both get it.

But you go first.

It's probably grandpa's friend.

Oh.

You know...

...hanging around with
some old guy his own age

might settle him down.

Hi, I'm Sam Morrison.

Is Buzz here?

You're Sam?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, Samantha.

Well, come-come on in,
come on in, uh... Uh...

Buzz told us all about you.
Oh.

Except that you were young
and a woman.

Sam.
Buzzy.

[LAUGHING]

Goodnight, guys. Sam and I are
goin' out and paint the town.

Don't wait up.

Whoo!
Whoo!

Well, she is younger
than my own mother.

What can he be thinking?

Well, cousin, I'm just
a simple Mypiot boy, but...

...even I know
what he's thinking.

You couldn't sleep either?

Balki, I am worried
about grandpa.

Cousin, Buzz distinctly
told you not to wait up.

Balki,
it is 2:30 in the morning.

Ow.

Where could he be?

[SNORING]

[SCREAMS]

Where could he be?

Well, cousin... [SIGHS]

...Buzz and Sam probably
had a nice, romantic dinner.

A little wine,
a moonlight walk by the lake

and before they knew it

one thing led to another,
and well...

...they-they found themselves
playing Donkey Kong

at the all-night video arcade.

Well, where have you been?

Do you have any idea
what time it is?

I have been worried sick.

Well, you are just gonna
have to talk about it, mister.

Buzz, didn't you have fun?

Oh, yeah,
we had a great evening.

We dined, we danced.
Then, she dumped me.

I[STAMMERS] I'm sorry, grandpa.

She said all we had
was a shipboard romance.

She said on dry land
she didn't feel
the Earth move anymore.

She said, "Buzz off, Buzz."

Well...

Well, grandpa,
I know how you feel.

I've been dumped
a few times myself.

Actually 44.

Forty-five.

Well, maybe everything's
worked out for the best.

You think so?
I know so.

I mean, the important thing
is you have your health.

You have a family
that loves you.

Women half your age,
nights on the town.

That's... That's for
the young and the foolish.

Yeah, you're right, Larry.

There's no fool
like an old fool.

I've been trying to be
something I'm not... Young.

Oh.

Goodnight, boys.

Well, I think
that went pretty well.

Yeah, cousin.

You aged him
more in 60 seconds

than Mama Nature did
in 76 years.

Cousin, it's a beautiful day.

I've been thinking
this is a perfect opportunity

to do something
to help Grandpapa Buzz.

Now, we could take him
down to the lake

he'd be basking
in the sunshine...

[INHALES]
Breathing in the fresh air,
and in no time at all he'll be--

In the hospital
with pneumonia.

Cousin, we have to do something
to get Buzz back.

Balki, there is no Buzz.

There's just Beaumont Appleton,
my grandfather.

And there is nothing wrong
with an elderly man

acting like an elderly man.

Oh. Grandpapa Buzz.

I've got a terrific idea.

Why don't we all
go down to the lake.

We can have a nice picnic.

I've got tons
of leftover goat lips.

They are great cold.

No. No, no, no,
no picnic for me, Balki.

You boys go right ahead.

I'll just stay here
and have some weak tea.

Okay, I'll...
I'll make it for you.

That's right, grandpa.

We'll just stay here
and play checkers!

Like we used to!

Checkers?
Yeah, checkers is nice.

Maybe later after my nap.

Just say when?

When.

Oh, I almost forgot.

You do that a lot at my age.

This is for you, Larry.

Copy of my will.

Keep it handy.
Just in case.

Well, I hope you're happy.

You took the grand
out of grandpapa

and you put the old
back into old man.

Balki, grandpa is fine.

He's just using
the wisdom of his years

and planning ahead!

La... Larry! Larry!

Do you have a plastic bag
for my suit?

I want to keep it clean.

We... Well, grandpa,
you're being foolish.

Well, maybe you're right.

No sense wrapping
it in plastic.

Maybe I'll just put
the thing on and wait it out.

No, no, no. Grand...
Grandpapa Appleton, no,

Now listen. That...
That's ridiculous.

By the time
you're ready to go

this suit will be
hopelessly out of style.

Grandpa, when I told
you to act your age

I didn't mean for you
to lie down and wait to die!

No, no. You were right, Larry.
I thought about what you said.

An old man should act his age

and I was acting
like an old fool

Uh, listen,
Grandpapa Buzz, come on now.

You, you, you just act
as young as you feel!

Okay, I feel a 106.

Now, can I lie down?

Balki.

You gotta help me get
grandpa back to his old self.

Okay. I know just
what grandpapa needs.

He needs to drink
from the cup of vitality.

He needs to eat
from the fruit bowl of life.

He needs to floss
with the string of hope.

How do we do that?

The food is great,
and you're gonna love the band.

Now, you have to do
exactly as I tell you.

Stand on one foot
and cluck like a chicken.

[IMITATING CHICKEN]

I don't see how
this is gonna help grandpa.

It isn't.
I just like seeing you do it.

[BAND PLAYING
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Well, are you sure
this is gonna work?

Cousin, I'm sure.
Just trust me.

That curve was a lot higher
than it looked.

George!

Opa!

[BOTH SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Cousin Larry.
Ah!

Opa! Opa! Opa! Opa!
George! George! George!

Okay. Okay.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Oh!

George, George.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Balki, is this
a Myposian restaurant?

Well, of course not.
Don't be ridiculous.

It's a Greek restaurant.

If it were
a Myposian restaurant

there'd be a pig check girl.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Opa!

Oh, you're so cute!

Athena! Athena!
Let me go, babe.

George!

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Pita bread.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Okay, George, George.
Okay, okay. Bye-bye, babe.

Oh, hey, grandpa,
isn't this place fun?

Huh? Don't you feel alive?

Don't you feel a draft?

Grandpapa, why don't you
try some of this?

It will make
your taste buds dance!

Oh, no, thanks, Balki.

I don't want to risk
staining my-my burial suit.

Here, here, come on, grandpa.
Come on! We'll both try 'em!

It looks delicious. Huh?

It'll, it'll be
a new experience!

Here. Mmm. Mmm-mmm.

[GASPING]

Balki, are you trying
to burn a hole in his stomach?

A man his age
can't eat that stuff!

A man my age
can't eat that stuff!

Not too bad!
Sure clears the sinuses.

[PLAYING GUITAR]

Balki, I-I think we need
to switch tables.

[STAMMERS] The music
is too much for grandpa.

No, cousin.
Grandpa, I think, I think we...

[CHOKING]

Oh, you're so pretty!

[SQUEALING]

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Come on, grandpa!
Oh, no, no.

Come on, grandpa!

Let's face
the music and dance!

Balki, I... I don't think
we should do this.

The floor is very slippery.
We don't know these people!

Grandpapa, look!
What a surprise! It's Sofia!

Nice to meet you.

Oh, you too young
to be grandpa!

I just call you Buzz.

Balki, what is
the matter with you?

Are you out of your mind?

Spicy food,
loud music, dancing?

He could have a heart att*ck!

Now, I don't want to be known

as the one in the family
who k*lled grandpa!

Well, cousin,
you're halfway there!

Opa!

Now you see?

That's how accidents happen.

Opa!

Oh, my Lord!

He's lost control
of his motor skills.

Now, I'm gonna get him out
of here before he gets hurt!

Oh, cousin, calm down,
would you please?

Look at him!
He's having fun!

I... It sure looks like
they're having a lot of fun!

Opa!

Cousin, uh, Grandpapa Buzz
seems to feel young again.

How about you?
Like this, Larry.,

Thanks, grandpa!

Well, Balki,
Looks like Buzz is back.

Thank you.

Oh, no, I--
Yes, you could!

Excuse me.

Look, just like this. Opa!

Oh! Well!

Opa!

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]

[CHEERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Bravo!

WOMAN: Opa!
MAN: Opa!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL CHEERING]

MAN: Opa!

Opa!