07x05 - Fright Night

[bunniefuu]

[theme song]

♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

♪ No matter what the odds are
this time ♪

♪ Nothing’s gonna
stand in my way ♪

♪ This flame in my heart ♪

♪ Like a long lost friend ♪

♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

♪ Standing tall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ Rise and fall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ The rain and thunder ♪

♪ The wind and haze ♪

♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪

♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪

[instrumental music]

Come on, cousin,
we got a lot to do

before King Ferdinand gets here.

Cousin, uh, uh,
didn’t you see your outfit?

I laid it up
on your bed for you.

Come on, go upstairs and change.
Come on. Bushi, bushi, bushi‐‐

No, no, no, no, no. No.

Balki, Balki, I agreed

to let you decorate the house
with a salad bar.

And I agreed to let you
have a reception

here for King Ferdinand.

But I am not dressing up
like a snout merchant.

‐How about just the loincloth?
‐No.

But, uh, cousin,
this is a special occasion.

King Ferdinand is going to be

the grand marshal of a parade.

Parade?

Balki, he’s walking down
Stage Street

with a bunch of cows.

Cousin, King Ferdinand

is leading the Livestock
Liberation Parade.

Alright, uh, uh, let’s just, uh

go over the official
greeting for royalty.

Okay, now, cousin,
this is very important.

Um...when meeting royalty

protocol must
be followed, alright?

So, the king will come
to the door and he will say

in his most regal voice,
"Knock, knock."

And then you, as
head of the household, will say

"Who’s there?"

And then the king will say,
"The king."

And then you will say,
"The king who?"

And then the king will say,
"Gesundheit"and then we laugh.

Okay, so...laugh.
Let‐let me hear it.

[mock laughter]

Not exactly the big yuk
I was hoping for but...

...then again I don’t have
the king’s delivery.

‐What can I tell you?
‐’Knock, knock!’

The king’s early.

Oh, oh, God, oh God, he’s early!

I haven’t even had
the chance to spray

the room with
welcoming goat fragrance.

Alright, alright,
calm down, calm down.

It’s okay,
everything’s under control.

‐Uh, uh...
‐Come on, come on.

‐We can do this, here we go.
‐Oh, God...

‐Here we go. Okay?
‐’Knock, knock!’

‐Who’s there?
‐’The king.’

‐The king who?
‐ ’Gesundheit!’

[laughter]

You may speak!

Welcome to our humble home,
Your Gratuitousness.

♪ Hoo ♪
♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪

♪ Hoo ♪
♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪

♪ Hoo ♪
♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪

♪ Hoo ♪
♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪

♪ Hoo ♪
♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪

♪ Tada‐da‐da ♪

♪ Patam‐pa tada‐deda ♪

♪ Hee ♪
♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪

♪ Hoo ♪
♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪

♪ Deee‐oh ♪
♪ Yip ♪

♪ Ramba ramba ding‐dong ♪

♪ Hoo baby hee momma
give it all you got ♪

‐Oh, po po.
‐Oh, po po.

[laughs]

‐And you must be Cousin Larry?
‐Aha... Oh, boy.

You may speak!

[grunts]

Uh, w‐w‐welcome, uh‐uh‐uh

to America, Your‐Your...

Superfluousness.

...Superfluousness.

Thanks.

You may rise.

Thank you.

Uh, Your Majesty

w‐w‐where would you
like to go first?

To see a dentist!

See a dentist?

I have to get my crown replaced.

It’s a king joke.

[laughing]

Where does he come up
with them?

Whoa‐ha‐ha!

I think he likes you.
Scratch him behind the ears.

Uh, um‐um, Balki,
I‐I think something’s wrong.

Oh, cousin, it’s probably
just a serious case of jetlag.

Isn’t it? Isn’t it?

No, Balki, I‐I‐I don’t think
that it’s jetlag.

He’s dead.

Are you sure?

Positive.

King Ferdinand is dead.

All hail Cousin Larry,
the new king of Mypos.

[instrumental music]

‐You okay?
‐Yeah.

[sobbing]

We all knew
the king had a weak heart.

Everybody always said

"Long live the king,"
but nobody really believed it.

Well, we should call
someone to move him.

Oh, no. No‐no, cousin.

We cannot do that.

The Kingly Carcass
must not be moved

until the speaker
of the hut arrives.

The who?

The Speaker of the Hut
of Representatives.

He is the man
who oversees the day‐to‐day

governing of Mypos.

And in his spare time
he manages

a four‐day tire store.

He’s really a very nice guy.

Too bad he wasn’t here
to catch the king.

Everybody always said,
he’d make a great king.

Anyway, you’ll like him,
Your Diminutiveness.

Don’t call me
"Your Diminutiveness."

As you wish.

No, no, no‐no.

No, get up, get up.

Get up, get up.

Get up... You may rise.

Don’t call me
"Your Diminutiveness."

As you wish, Your Compactness.

Uh‐uh‐uh, Balki, just because
the king d*ed in my arms

doesn’t mean that
I am the king of Mypos.

Cousin, I’m telling you this,
whoever is the first person

to touch the king after he dies
becomes the new king.

It’s a tradition.

W‐well, w‐w‐what if he had
fallen into someone else’s arms?

Someone else
would be the new king.

‐Really?
‐Yes, really.

Now, if you’ll excuse me

I have to call Mypos
to tell the authorities

that you’re going to be
the new king.

Oh, no‐no‐no...

Hold‐hold‐hold off on that call.

I need to give them time
to put your face on the money.

No. No, Balki.
Balki, we have got to...

They’re going to put
my face on the money?

Well, just the five digda note
and the pingis.

They’re are going to put my face
on the money?

Wait, no, alright, no, no, no!
Look, Balki!

Th‐th‐this is crazy.
Just hold off on that call.

Alright, you‐you know,
if I’m going to be king

I need to immerse myself
in the food of my people.

I just happen to have
a vat of yak fat.

No, you know, Balki.

I’m not in a yak fat mood.

Go out and get me some
chocolate covered...goat parts.

Which goat parts would you like?

Get me the sampler.

Go now.

As you wish, Your Petiteness.

[instrumental music]

I, I‐I couldn’t find
any chocolate covered

goat parts, Your Liplessness.

So, I’ll just heat up some
chocolate and dip them myself.

Thank you, Balki.

You know, Your Majesty,
you couldn’t ask

for a more loyal subject
than Balki Bartokomous.

Oh! Hi, Balki.

[gasps]

He’s alive. He’s alive.

All hail
King Ferdinand of Mypos!

[instrumental music]

Balki, don’t get your hopes up.

King Ferdinand is still dead.

But, cousin, cousin,
he, he waved at me.

You‐you must have seen it,
you were sitting right there.

Yeah, Balki, I made him wave.

See? Fishing line, huh?

Pretty good, huh?

You’re playing puppets
with a dead monarch?

Balki, Balki, look.
Here’s my plan.

We’ll just keep King Ferdinand
alive for just a few more hours

then dump him into the arms
of the speaker of the hut

when he arrives
at the reception.

The speaker will be king
and everybody will be happy.

Your Obsessiveness

you caught the king,
so you are the king

I rest my face.

Balki, Balki,
now, now, listen to me.

Listen to me,
listen to me, will you?

‐Just stop, stop!
‐No, no, no!

Balki, you said it yourself.

The speaker of the hut would
make a terrific king for Mypos.

Well, he has been trying
to catch a dead king for years.

And I would make a lousy king,
you know me.

I‐I’m selfish, pushy, greedy.

Shallow, hypocritical

and a bold‐faced liar.

But that won’t impair your
ability to lead the country.

Face it, you’re the king.

Oh, no, no, no...

Uh, oh, al‐alright.

Alright...

...I’ll be the king.

You may rise.

Balki, you know
the first thing I’m going to do

as king of Mypos?

Put a booster chair
on the throne?

No.

I am going to turn
the island of Mypos

into a radioactive
toxic waste dump.

What do you think of that?

I don’t think
you should do that.

Oh, you don’t think
I should do that?

Mm‐hmm, no, no, no, I don’t
think you should do that‐‐

But I am the king
and I think as the king

I would know
what’s best for the island.

And nobody, not you,
not the speaker of the hut

can stop me... Get down there!

Get down there! Yes, yes...

[Balki grunting]

Yes, a radioactive
toxic waste dump it will be.

‐You may rise.
‐No, no, no.

Of course, all the Mypiots
will glow in the dark.

No.

But think of all the money
we’ll save on

florescent vests
for the road crews!

Try me for treason
and call me eggs benedict but...

...I don’t think
you should be the king.

Oh, you don’t think
I should be the king?

No, I don’t think
you should be the king.

Oh, you don’t think
I should be the king?

‐Oh, but I am the king.
‐But you should not be...

I am the king... Get down there!

Get down there...huh!

[Balki sobbing]

I am the king.

[whimpering]

But I don’t think
you should be the king.

Oh, you don’t think
I should be the king?

No, I don’t.

Oh, you don’t think
I should be the king?

But I am the king
and it’s too late now.

‐It’s too late now.
‐Yes.

Yes, it’s too late now.

[gasps]
Unless...

It’s too late now...

[sobbing]

Yes, yes.

‐Unless...
‐Unless what?

Unless...

Oh, no. It would never work.
It’s too perfect.

Cousin, we may have to settle
for perfect. We’re desperate.

Well, you know,
I was thinking...

If we pretend
King Ferdinand is alive

and then drop him
into the arms of‐of someone

who would make
a terrific king...

Someone who would know
how to run the country.

Someone who has been waiting
to catch a king for years...

But no one comes to mind.

Wait a minute! I know someone.

‐The speaker of the hut.
‐Huh, Balki!

‐You’re a genius.
‐Well, I did, you know‐‐

We’ll just drop
the king into the arms

of the speaker of the hut
and we’ll save Mypos.

Oh, cousin!

Cousin, we have to go make
King Ferdinand

ready for the party!

[instrumental music]

Here you go, cousin.
I thought you might...want that.

Thank you.

[mumbling]

[Larry]
’Balki, there he is.’

Well, that’s our speaker
alright. Old Walki Talki.

And his lovely wife,
Chatti Kathi.

Although she, she prefers
to be called Cookie.

‐Balki, go get him.
‐Okay.

Well, you’re absolutely right,
Your Majesty.

It makes a marvelous aftershave.

Oki doki, how’s it hangi?

Oki doki, Balki.
Reminiski Cookie?

You bet your bibbibabka!

‐How’s it hangi, Cookie?
‐Super.

[all]
Ingi wingi wingi.
Oh, w‐woww!

Whoa! Oh! Oh!

Oh, King Ferdinand,
you little scamp.

[laughs]

Whoa! Oh!

Oh, you little devil.

[Lydia laughs]

Ooh. Ha ha ha.

Oh, cold hands, warm heart.

‐ Suplitaki, Walki Talki?
‐Balki, no can do.

Cousin, cousin, cousin,
we‐we have a big problem.

The speaker and King Ferdinand
aren’t speaking to each other.

They had a big fight
before they left Mypos.

Something about whether

Certs is really
two‐two‐two mints in one.

Alright, Balki, new plan.

If the speaker won’t come
to the king

the king will have to go
to the speaker.

Hold this, hold this.
Just hold this.

Ah. Ahem, uh, excuse me,
uh, Your Majesty.

Uh, Lydia, I know the king
has taken a great liking to you

but it really is time for him
to mingle with the other guests.

Well, alright,
as long as you promise

to save me a dance
later tonight.

Do you promise?

[chuckles]
Well, I don’t think
he’ll have time for that.

Ooh. Maybe he will.

Balki, will you give me a hand?

S‐s‐stop it, just stop it,
stop it, stop it, stop it!

A dead man is not a toy.

Balki, we’ve got to get the king
to the speaker of the hut.

Now we can’t just drag him
around the room.

‐We gotta make him look alive.
‐No problem, cousin.

[grunting]

[instrumental music]

Balki, just get the speaker
of the hut to turn around

and I’ll drop King Ferdinand
into his arms.

Got it.

Uh, Cookie.
Cookie, did you see over there?

We have, uh, chips
and sheep dip.

Your Speakership, there’s
something I have never told you.

The night that
you and Cookie did the

"Captain and Tennille" medley,
I was really moved.

‐Ooh.
‐No, yes I was. Oh, yes.

Um, I finally understood
the meaning of "Muskrat Love."

Oh, look, the king.

I’ve got nothing to say to you.

Oh, uh, well, uh,
sorry about that, uh

loose floor board, Your Majesty.

We’ll just have that
fixed i‐immediately.

[panting]

Alright, let’s go.

Oh, no time for that. Look,
let’s just get him over there.

Come on.

Oh, no more punch for you,
big guy.

[grunting]

‐Hold him.
‐Okay.

Uh... Excuse me, uh, Mr. Hut?

The king would like
to apologize to you

for arguing with you earlier.

Well, is that so?

Well, this I would like to hear.

Whoo‐ooh!

‐The king is dead!
‐The king is dead!

‐Long live Queen Cookie.
‐Long live Queen Cookie.

[instrumental music]

Mail call, cousin.

Oh, anything for me?

Just this, uh, winter catalogue
from Digby’s Fine Apparel.

"Clothing the little man
since 1954."

Let me have that.

You know, I think
you’d look adorable

in that little sailor suit
on the cover.

It’s just...

Oh, cousin, look,
I got a letter from mama.

Oh, well, what she have to say?

Well...let’s see here.

She says that, uh, ever since

Queen Cookie
has been ruling Mypos

it’s just nothing
but party, party, party

and the, uh, the fun began
with the Queen’s coronation

tractor pull
and demolition derby.

Well, that sounds
very entertaining.

Oh, cousin, look.

She send pictures of, of

King Ferdinand’s send‐off.

‐Y‐y‐you mean his, uh, funeral.
‐No, no, I‐I mean his send‐off.

See there’s a picture of them
strapping him to the catapult.

Well, don’t‐don’t they bury him
in the ground or‐or at sea?

Well, that all depends
on where he lands.

See there’s a...there’s
a picture of the launch.

Excellent hang time.

He had really quite good form.

‐Mm‐hmm.
‐For...for a dead man.

‐Uh, yeah.
‐Mm‐hmm.

[theme music]

[music continues]