07x12 - Door to Door

[bunniefuu]

[theme song]

♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

♪ No matter what
the odds are this time ♪

♪ Nothing’s gonna
stand in my way ♪

♪ This flame in my heart ♪

♪ Like a long lost friend ♪

♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

♪ Standing tall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ Rise and fall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ The rain and thunder ♪

♪ The wind and haze ♪

♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪

♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪

[theme music]

‐Good morning, everybody!
‐Cousin, cousin, cousin...

Y‐you want some breakfast?

Oh, no, no time!

No time?

You’ll have plenty of time

when you’re in the hospital
for malnutrition.

‐Eat this.
‐Okay, okay, save it for me.

‐Okay.
‐Alright.

Come on. We gotta get going.

We’re taking a long way to work.

Larry, ever since you
bought that new car stereo

you always take
the long way to work.

Well, when you’ve
spent as much as I have

on a state‐of‐the‐art
vehicular sound system

you wanna get
your money’s worth.

Larry, just exactly how much
did that state‐of‐the‐art

vehicular sound system cost?

Whoa, Balky, look at the time.

Now if we’re gonna hear
the extended version of

"Bridge Over Troubled Water"
we gotta get movin’.

Bye‐bye, goodbye.
Goodbye, sweetie.

‐Come on, Balki.
‐Okay, okay.

I’m coming. Just a second.
I have to grab my lunch.

I...I love lunch on Wednesdays.

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

Goodbye, my little lamb chop.

Oh‐oh!

Wow!

That’s just an example
of what’s in store

for my future husband.

Well, he’s gonna be
one lucky guy.

You are not gonna believe this.

My new car radio
has been stolen.

I don’t believe it.

That’s the second time
in the last two weeks.

[Mary Anne]
’That’s terrible.’

I can’t believe
the "Beware of Dog" sign

I put on the windshield
didn’t scare them away.

Well, I am taking action.

A man has got
to protect his belongings.

That I am not gonna rest until

the person responsible
for this is behind bars.

Maybe you should get
a car alarm.

Why does he need a car alarm
if he don’t have a radio?

[instrumental music]

[car alarm buzzing]

[panting]

[car alarm buzzing]

Did the alarm wake you up too?

Yes, it did,
just like the last 17 times

in the past two days.

Well, it didn’t wake me up.

Fortunately after
the last time it went off

I never went back to sleep,
so I painted my room.

The alarm goes off one more time

I should have that
guest bathroom done.

I was thinking about
painting my room.

Do you have any suggestions?

Well...

I’ve got, uh...

...pastels...

’...earth tones...’

[panting]
It was a false alarm.

Of course it was a false alarm.

It’s always a false alarm.

You have that alarm set
at such a sensitive level

dew sets it off!

Larry, we need sleep.

Maybe you could just
turn off the alarm

for the rest of the night.

Turn it off? Jennifer, that
would defeat the whole purpose.

Alright, I admit it’s changed
our routine a little bit.

A little bit?

Larry, it’s three o’clock
in the morning

and you’re standing in
the kitchen with a baseball bat!

How about baby bottom pink?

Oh!

Jennifer, it’s been two days

and no one has stolen
my car radio.

You can’t argue with results.

And you can’t argue
with a hungry pig.

Larry, we have to do something.

Cousin. Cousin?

Why don’t we join
the neighborhood watch

and take a bite out of crime?

Oh sure, join
the neighborhood watch

and tell e‐everyone in the
neighborhood our business?

Why don’t we just put
a sign on the car that says

"New car radio inside,
come and get it?"

It sounds good
the way you say it, but...

...I don’t think it would
work in practice.

No, Balki, the thief is
someone in the neighborhood.

Someone who knows my schedule.

Someone who knows
when I come and go.

Someone who knows
I bought a new car radio.

It must have been me.

It’s the only thing
that makes sense.

I’m a thief and an amnesiac!

Balki, it wasn’t you.

‐Yes, it was!
‐No, it wasn’t you.

Take my word for it,
it wasn’t you.

‐Really?
‐Yes.

Oh, cousin, thank you
for turning my life around.

I think it was that Mr. Finley.

He hates me!

Once, just once...

...I went out to get
the newspaper in my underwear

the man called the police.

I’m going to bed,
you can sleep down here

so you can be close
to your car alarm.

Umm...

Actually, uh...

I was the one
that called the police, um...

The way the streetlight
made your skin glow, I...

I thought you were an alien.

You know, Larry, I think
you’re right about the Finleys.

Why do they make their
little boy stand out in the yard

all day in his good suit?

That’s a lawn jockey.

Oh!

[car alarm buzzing]

There it goes again.

Maybe I do have it set
at too sensitive a level.

I’ll go reset it.

You know, I’ll never
understand why people

take something
that isn’t theirs.

Don’t you have burglars
on Mypos?

Well, uh, we do have a tiny
group of stealers and liars.

They, uh, they go out and steal
things and then lie about it.

We call them
"The Stealers and Liars."

Or for short,
"The S and L g*ng."

Want to come upstairs
and watch me spackle?

It wasn’t a false alarm.

My new car radio
has been stolen, again!

This means w*r!

Ah!

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Alright, let’s review the plan.

Now, we will get in the trunk

leaving the lid slightly ajar

and wait for the thief,
who we all know

is that lowlife Mr. Finley.

‐Cousin, let it go.
‐Alright, alright.

‐Let it go.
‐Now...

When he opens the door that’s
when we spring into action.

I will freeze him in his
tracks with the bullhorn.

Alright, freeze!
You’re under arrest.

Then you jump out of the trunk
with the rope, tie him up.

I’ll call the police.
Any questions?

Yeah, can I be the one
to hold the bullhorn?

‐No!
‐Yeah, Cousin.

‐Why not?
‐Because it’s mine.

‐Cousin, cousin.
‐Now, come on.

We’ll get into position.
We’re gonna get‐‐

Just let me hold it
for one second.

Just let me put my hand around,
then push the button.

‐I want to push the button.
‐We’re getting into the trun
k.

‐I wanna push that button.
‐No, get, get away from me.

Get in the trunk, get in
the trunk, get in the trunk!

Gee...

I hope no one steals
my brand new

very expensive car radio!

Especially while
we are in the trunk.

Will you shut up?

What is the matter with you?

Now, help me in. Just
help me in. Here, take this.

‐Hold it.
‐Listen, let me help you.

‐Alright.
‐Let me help you.

I am holding the bullhorn!

Will you stop it?
Just stop it!

Let me push the button.
I’ll tell you what‐‐

Yes, sir, brand new car radio

right here, in this car.

I’ll be seeing it
in the morning.

Till then, I’ll be asleep,
in the house.

Not in the trunk.

Will you shut up?

‐What is the matter with you?
‐I’m sorry.

[panting]

Ah!

[grunting]

Cousin, correct me if I’m wrong

but I think
this is the first time

you and I have ever been
in this trunk at the same time.

Balki, why don’t, why don’t you
just, uh, relax and...be quiet?

Oh‐ah!

You know, Balki,
I don’t think you are

taking this seriously enough!

In fact, I think you might
have to go back in the house.

‐No, cousin, come on, no.
‐Yes, I think you might have‐‐

‐Cousin, no, no, please!
‐You might have to‐‐

‐Please, please, please.
‐Right back in the house.

Please, let me stay
in the trunk.

Alright, but you’ve
been warned, mister.

[footsteps approaching]

Cousin. Cousin...

I hear something.
It sounds like two people.

You’re right. You’re right.

Finley must have
brought a friend.

Okay, alright,
this is it. Get ready!

[footsteps approaching]

‐Balki.
‐Uh?

Did you just do
what I think you did?

That depends on
what you think I just did.

Did you just shut the trunk?

Well, of course, I did.
Don’t be ridiculous.

These are criminals
we’re dealing with.

We don’t want them
to know we’re in here.

Balki, you have
locked us in the trunk.

Cousin, I just had
the most horrible thought.

We have to get out of here,
before we run out of oxygen.

I, I saw this once
on "Star Trek."

It wasn’t pretty!

The Klingons had taken control
of the life‐support system

of the Enterprise and the crew
were running out of oxygen.

And Captain Kirk said...

"Scotty...

You’ve got to
get us out of here."

And Scotty said...

"Captain, I‐I can’t give
you any more power.

"We’re out of
dilithium crystals.

I need more time" and then...

...and then Bones said...

"Damn it, Jim,
I’m a doctor, not a machine!"

Balki...let me tell
you somethin’, okay?

Nothing uses up oxygen
faster than talking.

So why don’t you shut up?

We are not gonna
run out of oxygen.

‐Yeah, well‐‐
‐The trunk is not air tight.

Now, we are just gonna
sit here until they

steal the radio and leave.

And then we’re gonna
call for help.

[car doors opening]

[car doors closing]

Alright, they’re in the car.

[engine cranking]

Oh, my Lord!

They are stealing
the entire car.

Well, at least you
won’t have that big, ugly hole

in the dashboard.

[trembling]

[dramatic music]

Alright, they drove
for about ten minutes...

...then they slowed down,
then they stopped.

I think they stopped
at Bugsy’s Burgers.

I think you’re right, cousin.

That was definitely the smell
of Bugsy’s French fries.

I think I have a pretty good
idea where we are.

Well, so do I...

We’re in the trunk.

I mean...

I think I know where
they’ve taken us.

[tires screeching]

Yeah, yeah, see!

That turn would put us on
the Old Mill Road, sure.

Out in the middle of nowhere.

[engine revving]

Sure, I think they’re
gonna strip the car

and abandon it in the woods.

[tires screeching]

You know what, cousin?

It’s bad enough
they stole the car

but they haven’t used
the turn signal once.

I guess crime poisons
every part of you.

Now, look, we gotta
figure out a way outta here.

See if you can find the jack.

‐What?
‐The jack, the jack.

Cousin, I...I’m pretty sure

we’re the only two people
that got in this car.

I’ll, I’ll look for him
if you want me to.

Jack!

Jack!

I mean,
see if you can find the tool

we use to prop up the car
when we change the tire.

Oh, I got it.

Here you go.

Do, do you want me to
stop looking for the man?

Yes, yes, alright, now!

I think I can use the jack

to pop the lid of the trunk.

Change places with me.

No!

I’m not gonna
change places with you.

I like my place right here.

I got my, I got it all
just the way I want it.

‐Change places with me.
‐No, I’m not gonna change‐‐

‐Oh!
‐Get out of the way!

[indistinct chatter]

‐Get out of the way!
‐No. Ow!

[panting]

Ow, ah!

Okay, I got it!

’Hey, cousin, you know what?’

I don’t think that’s
such a hot idea.

Oh, you don’t think
it’s such a hot idea?

‐No, I don’t.
‐Well.

Let me ask
you something, Balki.

’What’s that?’

How many trunks have you
opened from the inside?

‐Oh, don’t start it.
‐How many? How many...

Oh, cousin, please!
Please, I can’t stand it!

...have you opened
from the inside?

‐None.
‐None? As in zero.

As in never, ever have you
opened a trunk from the inside?

‐That is correct.
‐Thank you.

Cousin, just curious.
How many‐‐

Four! F‐four.

‐Cousin, you know what, I‐‐?
‐Balki, please.

‐I know what I’m doing.
‐Cousin yet‐‐

‐I know what I’m doing.
‐Let me just tell you‐‐

Let me just tell you something.

I was just going to say...

...that, that little machine
was going to

poke through
the top of the trunk.

Alright!

There’s gotta be something else
in here that we can use

to, to pop open the lid.

Just look around.

’See if you can find something.’

[Larry panting]

‐Cousin?
‐Ah?

What’s in this box?
No, don’t open the box.

[air gushing]

[screaming]

You...

You live with someone
for five years.

And you think you know them.

Balki.

Then you spend a night
in a car trunk with them.

Balki, this is not
what you think.

It’s not an inflatable woman?

Oh, yes, it is.

Does the lady have a name?

I use this so I can drive
in the carpool lane

when I’m driving alone.

[squealing]

They stopped.

Oh, yeah, we are out
in the woods alright.

Balki, if they find us,
we’re dead men.

‐Cousin.
‐Shh!

Cousin!

Aargh!

I’m so sorry.

Well, I hope you
enjoyed that sneeze

because it just
caused us our lives!

[car door opens]

Oh! Oh, no.

Oh, no, please.
No, please. Don’t sh**t.

No, no, no.
Alright, k*ll him but spare me.

[indistinct chatter]

‐Hi.
‐Hi.

You almost scared us to death.

W‐why were you driving
like criminals?

Why were you driving
in the woods?

And why weren’t you
using your turn signals?

Why are you in the trunk?

And who is your plastic friend?

‐She’s with him.
‐She’s with him.

[instrumental music]

Cousin.

Settle an argument.

Which Ninja Turtle
is the most sensitive?

Donatello.

Hm. Told you.

Hi.

‐’Hi.’
‐’Hi.’

Larry, this is for you.

Oh, wow,
what’s the special occasion?

Well, no special occasion.

Just a little something
that says "I love you."

Oh, what could be that
small and talk?

A hamster,
if he’s properly trained.

Oh.

Well, it’s a pull out car radio.

Oh, well, thank you.
That’s great.

Thank you.

Actually, cousin, all of your
ideas have been pull out radios.

It’s just that the wrong people
were pulling them out.

Well, not anymore.

You know, Balki, you were right.

I should’ve just joined
the neighborhood watch.

Well, funny you should
mention that because

I took the liberty,
I signed us all up.

Well, this would be a good
night to turn in early, Larry.

We won’t be bothered
by that pesky car alarm.

Oh.

Oh, oh.

Well‐well, uh, uh,
a‐a‐another good idea.

Cousin, there’s only one
thing wrong with that idea.

‐What’s that?
‐Well...

It’s our first night
on the neighborhood watch

and we have been
assigned to patrol.

And I’ve been assigned
the bullhorn.

But I’ve been assigned
the batteries.

[theme music]

[theme music]

[music continues]