05x05 - The Boomerang Affair

[bunniefuu]

I'm warning you.

If you talk about it anymore,
I'm gonna k*ll ya!

Gee Barbara, what good
is it having an orgasm

if you can't discuss it?

For normal people,
just having it is enough!

Face it.
You're just jealous.

Jealous that I met Patrick.
Jealous that daddy met Sonya.

Jealous that you don't have
anybody you're in love with.

I'm only gonna tell you this
one more time, Carol...

I'm happy!
That you found Patrick!

I'm happy daddy found Sonya!

I'm happy, happy, happy!

Hi, girls.

Barbara, quit swatting
your sister's head.

She's bragging about
her sex life again, daddy.

All right, just a few more
minutes though.

Hi, Sonya!

You shouldn't b*at up
your sister like that,

you need more of a wrist action.

I used to b*at up my sister too.

When did you stop?

Every 15 minutes.

What a great sense of humor.

Isn't she wonderful, girls?
Isn't she?

Good night, Sonya.

...come
and hit Carol sometime!

Good night, girls!

Alone at last.

I can't tell you

what a wonderful evening
I had with you.

I've never ever been
taken care of like that before.

Everything planned.

Every detail looked at...

I... thank you.

You're welcome, Harry.

I mean, you pick me up,

take me out
to a terrific dinner.

Then third row center.
At the symphony.

Listen,

you're not expecting me to...

Put out or anything are you?

- No...
- No?

Sonya, you and I, we make a...

We make a terrific team.

The greatest.

Which is why I think
would be better

if we never saw
each other again.

I'm sorry, Harry.
Goodbye.

Wait...

"We make a great team.
The greatest."

"I can never see you again."

But that's complete insanity!

I... Carol will understand.

♪ I'm always here

♪ for anything you need

♪ rain or shine

♪ I'll be the one

Still no answer.

Dreyfuss, I feel like
I've been hit by a train.

I mean,
Sonya is so right for me,

and she was fun and smart
and witty and...

Sexy.
Yeah.

Geez, Sonya, what is wrong?

Daddy, you okay
with this Sonya thing?

I'm fine.

A little confused,
I just wanna hit the sack.

You wanna be alone?

Yeah.

I love you, daddy.

Thanks.

It's good to have family.

Daddy!

Daddy, daddy, daddy,
I know your anguish.

I was afraid you would, dear.

You know, daddy, it wasn't
so long ago that I was dumped.

Yeah, Carol...

But in time, you'll meet someone

who worships the ground
you walk on as I have,

and you'll heal.

You know,
I never thought that I'd...

No Dreyfuss, you don't heal,
daddy heals.

Honey, I don't wanna talk
about this right now,

I just want to get out
of my clothes.

I hear you.

Remember when I went screaming
naked through the backyard

when Clarence Thomas
was confirmed?

Vaguely, dear.

I'll always
be here for you, daddy.

Yes, dear, I'm beginning
to realize that.

Night, daddy.
Night, dear.

Okay...

Whoa!
Hey! Charley!

Hey, Harry!

I heard you got
the old "heave-ho."

Bummer!

By the way,
we're out of cream rinse.

What the hell are you doing
in my bathroom?

My drain's been
clogged since June.

Word of advice.

Don't ever gut a deer
in your bathtub.

Get out, Charley!

Right. You know me,
never one to intrude,

but someone
with an outside perspective

can see exactly where you went
wrong with this Sonya.

Where?

Boxers.

You gotta go with briefs!
Holds the old buns up!

.Chicks love tight buns.

Well, tight buns and cash.

Charley, I'm not gonna
wear tight underwear,

and give money to women!

Fine! Be lonely.

I don't know
why the doctor brought you in,

I'm perfectly capable of hangin'
a shelf crooked by myself.

I forgot.

You're livin' with his daughter.

Hey, don't you have some blood
to draw besides mine?

Step aside pretty boy, I'll
show you how to hang a shelf!

Laverne!
Are you okay?

- It's nothin'.
- It's none of your business.

You have an ulcer, don't you?

- How do you know?
- I know this medicine.

My mother had an ulcer.
- How'd she get it?

You hang shelves for her too?

Come on, Laverne, an ulcer
isn't that serious nowadays.

Not serious?
Are you kiddin'?

It only means no more soda,
no more coffee,

no more fried chicken,
no more tater tots!

You know
how I love my tater tots.

I'm sorry.
I guess it is serious.

Serious? Now why
you tryin' to upset me?

No, no, I just meant that...

I'll have you know I'm gonna
b*at this thang!

Okay!
Okay, I'm sure you will.

That's easy for you to say!

You don't have
a hole in your stomach!

I will if I keep talking to you.

Weston lines up his birdie
putt on the 18th hole.

If he sinks this,
he wins 100 grand,

and a new Chrysler cordoba.

I wish they still made those.

Figures...

Just a second, Laverne!

Come in.

Sonya...?

I thought we were never gonna
see each other again.

I wanted to talk.

I was unfair the other night,
and I owe you an explanation.

What happened?
I thought we were doing great!

We were, but I'm an all
or nothing person, Harry.

If I were to get
involved with you...

And you're exactly
the kind of man

I could get involved with...

My career would suffer.

Sonya, I can help you
find the middle ground.

All you gotta do
is just loosen up a little.

There is no middle ground.
I know me.

Another fire...

I'm sorry if I hurt you, Harry.

I'm gonna miss you.

None of this makes sense!

Carol will understand.

So that was Sonya?

Hot.

Yeah, she's an attractive lady.

So you two
back together, or what?

No, we are not back together.

Actually, she just said

that she doesn't
wanna get involved.

I... I think she's afraid.

Well, let her know
there's nothing to be afraid of.

Harry, if you want her
to be vulnerable,

you have to be vulnerable.

It's one big game.

I don't wanna play games.

Like what?
Cry in front of her, or...?

If that's what it takes.

You know
what your problem is, Harry?

You are too shy!
You're too timid!

You gotta go out on a limb,

you can't be afraid
to do something stupid.

- Stupid?
- Yeah.

See, if a guy does something,
and it feels stupid,

inevitably, it'll feel
romantic to the woman.

You gotta be creative.

Yeah?

What did you do
to impress Carol?

I took off my shirt,
and I got out of my truck.

Here's the keys to my truck.
Keep your shirt on.

I put the third quarter figures

in the dpo subfile.

Brilliant idea!

Thank you, miss Philips.

All right...

Who wrote that they're
head over heals crazy

about me in my electronic mail?

Harry?

It was me.

Harry, this isn't the...

Sonya, I care
very much about you.

And I will not give you up
without a fight,

and I don't care who hears!

Well, this sure feels stupid.

Harry, I care about you too,

but I have my career
to think about.

I think you can have both.

- I can't.
- You will.

Security is on the way.

I'm a hemophiliac.

Relax! Relax!
I'm going.

Talk to you soon.

Goodbye, Harry.

If it's okay,
I'm going to leave now.

If I miss another pizza night,

I have to massage the wife's
feet during hard copy.

Goodnight, Brian.

Good evening, miss Philips.

The man you are looking
at is Dr. Harry Weston.

Your mission,
should you choose to accept it,

is to spend time with Weston,

and learn the true meaning
of his intentions.

As always, should you
or your heart be capture

the secretary will disavow
any knowledge of your actions.

Since I have no idea
how to self-destruct this tape,

you'll just have
to turn it off yourself.

I don't know if she
even listened to the tape.

Daddy, that is the most
romantic thing I've ever heard.

That is pretty creative, Harry.

I can't believe you did
something this cool.

I can't believe you've been
out with her four times,

and still haven't done
the oofa dance.

Charley, does the filth
in your mind

know no limitations?

I'd never do it with a dead
girl if that's what you mean.

Charley! Out.

Well I wouldn't.

Sonya!

Hi, Harry can we talk?

- Jeez, I got a thing.
- We have to go up

do something.

I've been giving what you said
a lot of thought

about taking the middle ground,

and I'm willing
to give us a sh*t.

- That's wonderful!
- I just have one question.

- What's that?
- Will you marry me?

You never
did answer my question.

Marriage?

Well... yeah,

but I thought we'd date a while,

and get to know
each other better.

You're right.

I... slow down.

I'm so goal-oriented,
it's a personality disorder.

A personality disorder would
get you into this family.

Sonya... sonya,

I want us to take our time.

The beauty of a relationship
is learning about each other.

You are so grounded.

You are perfect for me,
and I wanna be perfect for you.

You are.

Harry!

We should get away!

Why don't we go
to the Cayman Islands?

Sounds great.

I'll get right on it!

Jeffrey, call the Cayman island
tourist bureau

for travel brochures.

Let's go to dinner Friday night.

Let me cook dinner for you.

Here! For the whole family.
Do you like lobster?

I love it, but that's
a whole lot of trouble...

Call enrae at mistrall.

Have him fax his lobster
newburg recipe

to Steve at grocery gourmet.

I want asparagus Spears,
new potatoes...

Two bottles
of grgich chardonnay.

Wow.

Come here.

Again, wow.

You were right, Harry.

I just needed
to loosen up a little.

I love you loose!

Me too.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Okay.
Bye-bye.

Whoo!

It's his favorite lunch.

Fried chicken.

- Home fries.
- Mercy.

Apple pie and cream soda.

What are you drinking there?

Corn...

Sonya!

I have a meeting at 2:00,
so sit, eat.

I've made you the perfect lunch.

You didn't have
to go to all this trouble.

No trouble!

I love doing things for you.

Click when I say next.

What's... what's
all this?

I've been doing
some research on our vacation.

As you can see, Harry.

The Cayman Islands
are a series of three islands.

Next.
Perfect!

The capital
of which is Georgetown. Next.

Next.

The best beaches and resorts

are to be found on the island
of grand Cayman.

Next.

Harry, next.

- Come in, sven!
- Yeah! Hi...!

What... what... what's this?

Miss Philips hired
sven to work you out good.

Keep heart pumping strong

like fuel injector
in saab turbo!

Yeah, we start
with the alpine climber, right?

What...?

If you're going
to eat food like that,

you're going
to have to work it off.

I want my baby to live forever.

I thought you weren't supposed
to workout after you eat.

No!
That's swimming.

No... we don't svim
until tomorrow.

I can't svim at 5:00 A.M.

You vill svim
at 5:00 A.M.

Lunch time.

Not eatin' with Sonya today?

No, I, I told her
we were gonna have lunch here,

discuss office stuff.

Yams or peas.
Name your poison.

Umm...

Gonna make me eat the yams?

So, we gonna discuss
office stuff or what?

Yeah, right...

How's the filing?

Screwed up beyond repair.

So, you gonna tell me
what's really goin' on?

You and Sonya havin' trouble?

No, no.

Everything is...
Everything is just svell.

Well, she's
a little controlling.

I understand.

They is nothin' more obnoxious
than a controllin' person.

Wipe your chin!

In the week
since we got back together,

she's had every minute
of my life planned.

She's starting to make me feel
a little uncomfortable.

- So tell her.
- I can't.

I made such a big deal
out of going after her.

Now I'm gonna complain?

Well, one thing I know

is that if you keep things
bottled up inside,

you'll end up with an ulcer...

Doctor, do you think
I keep things bottled up?

Not that I've ever noticed.

But I don't know.
It's possible.

Is there something
bothering you?

No, nothin'.

Come on, Laverne.
There's gotta be something.

Well, maybe one thing.

You're always late
in the mornin',

it messes up my schedule.

Well, I'm glad
you got that off your chest.

And then you order
them billin' envelopes,

they're a little itty bitty
too small for the checks.

I gotta fold and unfold,
waste half my day.

Well, I didn't really...

Then you come in here
with your personal problems!

Your daughters
datin' every nut in town,

and one of 'em finally bags
one, and you bring him here!

Well, I'm sorry.
I didn't...

And I ain't through yet!

Now you got yourself
a new girlfriend,

next thing I know,
I'm pickin' up pieces

fried chicken out your carpet!

- Laverne!
- I ain't through yet!

Why you always park
that big boat of a car of yourn

half way in my space?

All right.
I'll try...

I ain't through yet!

Daddy,
you have to make her stop.

She's driving me crazy.
- Carol, stop it!

Not me! Sonya!

- She's worse than Carol!
- She is?

She's like June cleaver on acid.

Daddy, she fired
the pool man this afternoon.

Hector?
She fired Hector?

Yeah. She said
it was nothing personal,

she has someone more efficient.

I liked Hector!
- All right.

All right.
I'll talk to her.

There you are.
We still have chores.

Barbara, plates.
Carol, silver.

Patrick, trash.

I feel like
one of the Von trapp kids.

How is your Espresso?

It's delicious,

as was the dinner,
and the three lunches this week.

Perfect.

There's that word again.

- What word?
- "Perfect."

You use it a lot.
- I like perfect.

If you think about it,

what can be better than perfect?

Relaxed,
comfortable and natural.

What are you
trying to say, Harry?

Sonya...

I... i...

I don't think things
are working out here.

Are you breaking up with me?

I think I am.
I... i

wait a second!

I broke up with you
because I didn't think

I could handle it,
and you assured me I could!

Than you come to my office

with that stupid
mission impossible trick.

You win my heart,
and now you're dumping me?

I am very sorry.

I thought you said
you were crazy about me!

Well I thought I was,
but then, Sonya,

remember that evening
we discussed

getting to know each other?

That's what this was all about.

And you didn't like
what you got to know?

Sonya, I can't live
my life on your schedule.

It's too structured,
it's too rigid.

I can't breathe.

I see.

Listen, I feel
terribly guilty about this.

Don't.

On second thought, do!

Where's Sonya?

Aw, she's gone.
We broke up.

Yes!

I mean, that's too bad.

Barbara, I feel so lousy!

I meet this lady I like,
we go out,

she has a few quirks, and pfft!

She's history.

Well, daddy, maybe she's
just not the one for you.

I don't know... I...I

I don't know.

I'm just wondering that,

maybe I didn't give it a chance.

Maybe I could've been
more understanding.

Well, how do you feel
now that she's gone?

Like I hurt someone very badly,

and it doesn't feel good.

Aw, daddy.

I love you.

Thanks, baby.

I love you too.

I am so sorry.

It was a hasty decision.

I know, I know,
but I want you back so much!

All right. Don't cry.

You go back to bed,

and we'll work this out
in the morning.

Goodnight, Hector.

So Patrick and I,
were walking in the park.

It was a beautiful night.

Moon was shining...

We walked to the lake,
and we looked around,

we were all alone...

What?

I didn't say anything
about an orgasm!

You had a big,
fat fly on your head!

Don't worry. I got it.

Bleh.