Emily...
Have you noticed anything funny
about Patrick lately?
Well, he's still dating you.
But that's not ha-ha funny.
Something's changed between us.
What?
Last night
I asked him if he loved me,
and instead of his usual yes,
he said
I don't know.
I get the feeling
something's wrong.
I just can't
put my finger on it.
Good morning, girls.
How are you?
Is Patrick awake yet?
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing. I was just
going through my files
and I found this copy
of the sprinkler work he did.
Maybe he could use it
for his records.
- Daddy.
- This is wonderful.
Now I have the exact date
of when Patrick
and I became one.
My god.
That's it.
My god.
My god. My god.
Damn you, Carol Weston.
Damn you, damn you, damn you.
Carol, is this one
of your other personalities
fighting to get out?
No, Emily.
Next week is Patrick
and my six-month anniversary.
- So?
- So, we're doomed.
I've never had a relationship
last longer than that,
save for the mockery
of my marriage.
Carol, honey, that's not true.
What about
that real cute little guy?
Steve.
You were steady with him
all through the fifth grade.
Daddy, Steve was going
steady with Philip swenson.
I was his beard.
♪ One by one
♪ we fill the days
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need
♪ rain or shine
♪ I'll be the one...
♪ ...we share it all
♪ as life goes on
And, Mr. Hetzel,
I'd appreciate it
if you would keep spike
in your own yard from now on.
Come on, dreyf.
It's not your fault.
You're a good boy.
You're a lover, not a fighter.
Besides, he's a very big cat.
Sure, he's declawed,
but those little pads,
they can hurt.
Tell me I didn't just see
your dog get his butt
kicked by that cat.
Laverne, come on.
How's the leg today?
It's completely healed.
I'm just wearin'
this cast for the look.
Come on.
Come on in, come on in.
Wow. So...
You must be Laverne's nephew.
Yes, sir.
Wade higby Davis.
Pleasure to meet you.
- Likewise, son.
Can you see the resemblance?
He's got the distinctive
higby eye-teeth.
Clearly, that's uncanny.
So, your aunt verne tells me
you're gonna be a freshman
at the university of Miami.
- That's right.
He's got a full
wrestlin' scholarship.
- I'm impressed.
- That's a real tough sport.
No kiddin'. You should see
his take-down move.
He's broke 17 noses to date.
Nobody likes a bragger, boy.
Sorry, ma'am.
Hey, Laverne, that roll-away
bed you want is in the garage.
Hi, I'm Emily.
Wow.
I'm Wade.
Roll that tongue
back in your mouth
before it dries up.
Wade, why don't you
take that bed
and put it into the truck?
Yes, ma'am.
It was nice meetin' everyone.
Emily...
He's a cute kid.
You know, if he were
a couple of years older
you'd have me to deal with.
Yes, ma'am.
Thanks for the bed, Emily.
Doctor, I'll get it back to you
as soon as I can
buy Wade one of his own.
Won't he be living in the dorm?
No, sir.
We made that mistake
with his older brother Billy.
He went off
to college on his own.
It ruined his whole life.
- What happened?
Well, he fell in
with the wrong crowd.
Started drinkin', got booted
out of veterinary school.
Now he's givin' flea dips
down at a pounds-of-hounds.
Isn't that always the case?
Billy had a real bright future,
but he threw it all away.
That's not gonna happen to Wade.
I promised the family
he could stay with me
so I can keep an eye on him.
I hope you know
what you're getting into.
Boys at that age
can be a real handful.
You're tellin' me
how to handle my kin?
You got a lot of nerve.
You can't even teach your dog
how to stand up to a cat.
Laverne, that's not fair.
Dreyfuss
can take care of himself.
Auntie, that bed's
all loaded up.
All right.
Carol, you have
really outdone yourself.
This ravioli is squisito.
- And it's for Patrick.
- Ouch.
Hi. Just what
I've been cravin' for.
Patrick. We don't
want to dull our palate.
Dinner's gonna
be ready in a few minutes.
I'm fine.
Just save me a little something.
And I'll nuke it later.
- But my sauce!
Great.
The butter and the egg yolks
are already
starting to separate.
Just like me and Patrick.
What am I gonna do?
Carol, your relationship
is not on the rocks.
Smells like the ol'
save-the-relationship dinner.
God, has it really
been six months already?
I hate you, too, Charley.
Carol, if you really think
Patrick is losing interest,
maybe it just means
trying something different,
even silly.
Be spontaneous.
Emily, you're right.
Patrick's bored because
our life together is routine.
That's it.
I've gotta start
planning some spontaneity.
I'll simply reinvent myself.
Boy, this is terrific.
You know, Carol,
in all sincerity,
it's amazing this kind
of thing happens to you,
that without fail
at the six-month Mark
they dump you.
I don't get those guys.
Thank you, Charley.
What takes them so long?
Auntie, that was
one delicious meal.
Boy, have I missed your cookin'.
Come on now. I can
see your mama feed you well.
She's good cook and all,
but just between you and me,
your pigs' brains are better.
That's because your mama
never lets the oil
get hot enough.
I've got big plans for tonight.
I'll pull out the slides
from the last
higby family reunion
we'll see who has
the biggest hair.
Come on in.
Evening, Mrs. Todd.
- Kerry.
- What a pleasant surprise.
Wade, come here a sec.
I want you to meet a neighbor.
Kerry lives
upstairs with her momma.
Fine church-goin' people.
Wade and I already met.
By the pool.
Yeah. See,
I forgot my t-shirt
so, kerry lent me hers.
Well, we'll be sure
to get that washed
and sent right back to you, hon.
Bye-bye now.
Wait, auntie.
I sorta asked kerry
to go to the movies tonight.
We're going to see the lover
down at the cineplex 25.
The lover.
Kerry, could you
excuse us for a sec?
Sure.
I'll meet you at the car.
Wade, in future, I would
appreciate your consulting me
before you go makin' dates
with someone
who dresses like pool trash.
Pool trash?
Auntie verne, you just said
she was a fine church-goer.
It takes all types to make up
the kingdom of the lord.
Yes, ma'am.
I guess I'll just have
to go back on my word.
Okay, you can go.
Yes, ma'am.
Now, I expect
the movie gets out at 10:00.
I expect to see you
back here at 10:30.
Yes, ma'am.
And I don't wanna see any
of her sweater on your sweater.
Yes, ma'am.
Is there anything else?
- No.
And when you get her home,
a handshake will do just fine.
They's no need for lip lock.
- Good morning, Laverne.
- Good morning, doctor.
Listen, I hope you don't mind,
but I've got my nephew
Wade in exam room one.
Really?
What's wrong with him?
I'm not sure.
He's just been real moody
and sulky these last few days,
and I'm thinkin'
maybe it's a man thing.
You could talk to him.
You're
the closest thing I've got.
Maybe he just needs
a little human contact.
- How could that be?
- He has me.
I rest my case.
Wade.
How's it going?
I am just an intercom buzz
away if you need me.
Thank you, Laverne.
Once again, how's it going?
All right, I guess.
Wade, come on, come on.
How are you really feeling?
The truth, doctor?
Do you know what
it's like having aunt Laverne
bossing you around
every minute of the day?
I know what
you're going through.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I love my aunt and all,
but she's driving me nuts.
It's like she doesn't trust me
to do anything on my own.
Like it's her office.
She treats me
like I'm five years old.
She even picks out
my clothes for me.
She makes fun of my sweaters.
She won't leave the room
when I'm on the phone.
I hear her voice in my sleep.
I really gotta
get away from her.
Take me with you.
Wade, Wade, Wade.
Come on. I mean, listen.
Your aunt Laverne is one of
the most caring people I know.
The only reason
she's been so hands-on
is that...
She loves you so much.
I know. That's why it's gonna
be so difficult to tell her.
Tell her what?
That I'm movin' out.
Laverne, I'll tell
you something.
When I was in college,
the best time I had was
when I was living in the dorm.
It'll work
the same way for Wade.
He... he could learn a lot
living in the dorm.
What are you sayin',
that he wants to move out?
How could he do this to me?
He's not doing it to you.
Well, of course
he's doin' it to me.
Laverne,
he's doing it for himself.
Who asked you to stick
your nose in my beeswax anyway?
You did!
Well, it's just like
you listen to me.
Look at these.
Carol and I cannot be sisters.
Richard Harris cut an album?
Hi, Emily.
Well?
My god.
I'm reinventing myself.
What do you think?
Why does new coke come to mind?
Emily, tell your dad
I fixed the leaky...
Carol, don't panic,
but there's
an animal on your head.
This is what I get for trying.
Carol, come on.
I was just kidding.
Ca... come on, honey.
Sorry I'm late.
Don't bother me none.
Auntie vernie,
have you been drinkin'?
I am changin' the rules.
You can come and go
as you please.
You sure
you haven't been drinkin'?
Hey, are those my new jeans?
They certainly are.
What happened to the knees?
I sewed 'em up.
But auntie verne, I bought them
with the holes in the jeans.
That's the style, see?
Jeez.
That's the style?
They law, that means
tater Norton's
been in style for thirty year.
There you go.
Anyway, look.
I stopped by the school
and picked up some brochures.
Check out these dorms.
Wade, could we
talk about this later?
You don't wanna miss
the concert tonight, do you?
- What concert?
- Did I forget to tell you?
You're taking kerry
to see Gloria estefan.
I am?
I pulled some strings,
got you some great seats.
Auntie verne,
I don't know what to say.
Well, thank you
would be a nice start.
Not that
I'm tellin' you what to do.
I ain't a-doin' that anymore.
You're old enough
to make your own decisions.
Now go and put on your red shirt
and your new black slacks
before your date gets here.
Unless, of course,
you'd rather go like you are.
Auntie, this is great, but you
really didn't have to do this.
I did too.
I know I have been
a little tough on you lately.
And that's just my way of sayin'
I appreciate you bein'
such a good boy and all.
Tsk.
The truck has a full t*nk.
I don't believe it.
You're lendin' me
the torque machine?
Just promise you'll
park it in a well-lit lot,
no eating in the cab,
and careful kerry doesn't
snag her sweater
on the g*n rack.
Yes, ma'am.
That'll be kerry now.
Now, listen, I expect
to see you home about...
Whenever
you feel like bein' home.
Are you ready, Wade?
Am I?
Auntie verne, you're the best.
Forget the knees.
I'm gonna sew up the fly
on these things.
Carol, we've been going
up and down in this elevator
for 20 minutes.
What the hell is going on?
Patience, my love.
I told you, it's a surprise.
I thought they'd never leave.
Carol, what are you doing?
I'm about to make
your and every man's
ultimate fantasy come true.
Sending me to the world series?
Carol, Carol,
what are you doing?
What are you, crazy?
I'm gonna let you
have your way with me
in the elevator of Miami's
tallest insurance building.
Carol.
Say hello
to the new Carol Weston.
She's wild, she's unpredictable.
She's nuts.
Carol, wait.
This is scaring me.
Don't be coy.
I know you're bored
and you're gonna leave me.
You all do.
- Carol.
No man I've ever cared about
has stayed with me
beyond the six-month Mark.
- Carol, Carol.
- Which of course is next week.
Carol, Carol, Carol.
Carol, first of the all,
the last thing I am is bored.
Second of all,
next week is seven months.
- It is?
- Yeah.
My god, it is.
Oops.
Well...
Have all your insurance needs
been met?
Carol, it doesn't matter
how many months
we've been together.
I'm not going anywhere.
I love you.
Really?
You love me?
Yes.
He loves me.
So, seven months.
Not even a card?
Well...
How about
I make it up to you right now?
All right, don't panic, folks.
I'll have you out in a jiffy.
Jeez.
Let me guess.
Another stale relationship.
Whatever happened to flowers?
I've had about enough of you.
You think you can just
pop in any time of the day
or night and get away with it?
Don't look at me
with those big wide eyes.
And I'll tell you another
thing that bothers me and...
Laverne, why are you
scolding jumpy the frog?
Because he had it comin'.
I'm gonna regret this
but, what did jumpy do?
I lent him my truck last night,
and when I went out
to my truck this morning,
I found something
disgusting on the seat.
That's right.
Cheetos all over my blue velour.
I tell you, doctor,
I don't know what
I'm gonna do with that boy.
I just know he's gonna end up
like his brother Billy,
the flea flogger.
Laverne, please, come on.
Wade and Billy
are not the same person.
Just like my daughters.
Barbara is different than Emily,
Emily is different than Carol,
Carol is different than...
Everybody.
I mean, there comes a time
when you have to let go, dear.
At some point every bird
must fly from the nest
or fall from the nest.
Hi, auntie.
Hi, Dr. Weston.
Auntie, may I talk to you?
Yeah,
sure, sure. Come on.
I'll leave you two alone.
Thank you, doctor.
These are for you.
Thank you.
They're beautiful.
What's the occasion?
It's just
a way of sayin' I'm sorry.
I know things have been
sort of hectic havin' me around,
but, auntie, I've decided
that you were right.
Of course I'm right.
What am I right about?
I'm gonna forget
about that whole dorm idea.
My place is with family.
Really? You
finally came to your senses.
Now, listen,
we're gonna have our fun
auntie, auntie.
I mean, back-home family.
You're goin' back to your mama.
Let's face it.
Things just
ain't workin' out here.
And I stopped by the dorm today
and I just don't fit in
with those big city kids.
They think I'm a cr*cker.
Why do you think that?
What'd they say?
They said...
"You don't fit in here,
cr*cker."
Well, you listen here.
You are gonna fit in.
I'm gonna tell you somethin'
you'll never
hear me say again, boy.
I was wrong.
What?
I said it.
You'd never hear it again.
Now I think it was time you were
down at that dorm on your own.
I just don't feel
comfortable around those kids.
Wade, listen to me.
You are a higby.
And higby's are as good
if not better than anybody else.
And higby's
do not run from adversity.
You are a descendant
of general
smokehouse Harry higby,
a brave and honorable man.
Despite the rumors
that he fled screamin'
from the battle of antietam
in a red gingham dress.
What are you sayin'?
I am sayin' that I want you
down at that dorm tomorrow
because if you don't let
the bird fly from the nest,
it will fall from the nest.
I was told that
by a very, very old man.
Now, I think it's time
you got down
to that dorm and flew.
You really think so?
- I know so.
But, auntie, I got
all my stuff at your place.
I'll help you pack.
Yeah, but I'll never be able
to get it over there.
I'll lend you
the torque machine.
No excuses now and no cheetos.
Boy, I can't wait to call mama
and tell her the good news.
Don't you worry.
I'll call your mama
and make sure
this dorm thing's all right.
It's not that.
I'm gonna tell her for once
you admitted you was wrong.
Hi, is everything
working out okay with you two?
Yep, I'm movin' into the dorm.
- Great.
- What happened?
Auntie convinced me
it was the best thing to do.
She said if I didn't fly
from the nest,
I'd fall or somethin'.
Says she was told that
by some old geezer.
See you.
Old geezer?
Wait. Hey.
Hey.
♪ Happy anniversary
♪ to you
♪ happy anniversary
♪ to you
♪ happy anniversary
♪ Mr. Sprinkler man
I'm an artist, damn it.
♪ Happy anniversary
♪ to you
♪ and many more
Yes. You may
help me.
I ordered a pair
of your commemorative
flannel pajamas,
the ones
with the little Elvis heads.
Exactly.
Now, in your catalogue
Elvis was singin'
into a microphone,
but on my pajamas they's no mic.
You know, the king's just there
with his mouth wide open
and his eyes closed.
Looks like he's gonna
yawn or sneeze or somethin'.
No, I don't
wanna send them back.
I just wonder
why there's no microphone.
Well, I know... I know
you just answer the phones.
I know it's not your fault.
It... it... it...
Well, it's just disheartenin'.
Well, thanks for listenin'.
Well, you have
a hunka-hunka good day too!
Bye-bye.
05x23 - Aunt Verne Knows Best
Watch/Buy Amazon
Revolves around Miami pediatrician Dr. Harry Weston, whose life is turned upside down when his wife, Libby, dies and two of his adult daughters move back into the family home.
Revolves around Miami pediatrician Dr. Harry Weston, whose life is turned upside down when his wife, Libby, dies and two of his adult daughters move back into the family home.