04x02 - Trouble in Chapter 17

[bunniefuu]

I don't want just anyone.
I want you.

You stay away
from her, Rockford.

Are you gonna deny
that you're her lover?

[g*n f*ring]

And I bought me the sexiest
black baby-doll nightie
I could find.

You all know what happened.
It's in the book.

Get me the police.

Fine.
See if you can arrange
for adjoining cells.

Just tell me,
what's that
supposed to mean?

m*rder one.

[SCREAMING]

[PHONE RINGING]

ROCKFORD ON
ANSWERING MACHINE..
This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name
and message.

I'll get back to you.

[BEEPS]

[DOG WHINING]

Jim, this is Donna.
Boy, we've really been
swamped today. Sit.

We should be
closing about... Sit!

I'll meet you at...
Oh, get down!

ANN LOUISE..
Later, over our coffee
and blueberry pie,

I confessed what I had done

and I asked his forgiveness.

Was he angry?

No.

Could he possibly be angry?

No.

He just took me out
to the garage,
sat beside me,

and patiently gave me
a little refresher course

in handling that big car.

We shared
another experience

and we were brought
closer together
because of it.

Of course,
people are going
to tell you

that there is
no magic formula.

But there is
and it's here.

It changed my life
and it saved my marriage.

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

[CHUCKLING]

Now, are there
any questions?

WOMAN: Um, I have a friend
and she says that you say
that women are inferior.

Uh-huh.

Have you read my book?

Then I suggest
you read it again.

And have your
friend read it.

Because you won't
find the word ''inferior''

on any of its 325 pages.

But here,
on the first page,

it says,
''Woman is subject to man.''

Yes.

Subject to,
but not inferior to.

And once you accept that,

once you welcome it,

you fulfill yourself
as a woman,

you fulfill your husband,

you fulfill your destiny.

Believe me, my dear,
this isn't some empty theory.

Before I accepted
my womanhood,

I was dissatisfied
and didn't know why.

I was competitive, a nag.

I even considered
going to see a psychiatrist.

That's how bad
things had gotten
in my marriage.

But today,
Bud and I are happier than
we ever dreamed was possible.

Yes, dear,
was there something else?

I like your book,
Ann Louise.

I really do.

But, um...

That business about

dressing up

for when your
husband comes home?

Have you tried it?

I've thought
about it, but...

But you'd feel silly, hmm?

Well, you'll change
your mind

once you see
the reception you get.

Am I right?

I'll never forget the day
it finally occurred to me

that Bud might be
tired of coming home

to a wife with her hair
slicked back in a rubber band

and wearing some
shapeless old house dress.

So I went out

and I bought me the sexiest
black baby-doll nightie
I could find.

I spent an hour
on my hair and make-up.

And when Bud walked
in the door that night...

Well, you all
know what happened.

It's in the book.

What's wrong with being
saucy and provocative,

even a little naughty? Hmm?

Let your husband know

you find him
handsome and desirable.

He won't feel silly.

He's gonna love you for it.

Oh, listen to me.

True happiness lies
in femininity, not feminism.

Now, you all know
the abuse I've endured.

Those militant ladies
with their loud cries

for rights and equality.

You know how
they've scorned me

and ridiculed me.

Tried to k*ll you?

They're very aggressive,
you know.

You can't imagine
the amount of jealousy

and resentment
my book has stirred up.

And most of them
know karate.

Were you aware of that?

You don't honestly
think the feminist movement

is into t*rror1st
activities, do you?

They're trained
revolutionaries

and they want me silenced.

Look, Mrs. Clement...

Oh, no. Ann Louise.

You know,
when I was looking through

the classified directory
and saw your picture,

I just knew you were
the man for the job.

You have such
a good face.

A strong face.

If someone has made
an attempt on your life...

Three attempts,
in the past couple of weeks,

and all of them designed
to look like accidents.

Then you should
go to the police.

Well, I have.

They won't do anything.

They actually think
this is some sort
of publicity stunt.

My publisher
can't keep up with
the demand for my book.

Publicity is
the last thing I need.

Under the circumstances,
Mrs. Clement,

I'm afraid there's
nothing I can do.

Well, you can protect me.

I'm not a bodyguard.
I'm an investigator.

Now, if you'd like me
to recommend someone else...

No. I don't want
just anyone, I want you.

Oh, look,
if it's a question
of money...

It isn't. I'm sorry.

[SIGHS] Well, thank you at
least for listening to me.

But I'm not going
to let them stop me.

My work is important
to too many people.

I'm sure.

Do you have
a parking ticket?

Yes. It's the blue Mercedes.

The blue Mercedes
and the tan Firebird.

You sure you
wouldn't like me to
recommend somebody else?

Have you discussed this
with your husband?

Yes, but you know
how husbands are.

Not really, no.

Well, if Bud were to accept
what's been happening to me,

he'd be worried sick, so...

He's managed to
convince himself
that I've had

a series of unrelated,
and unfortunate
near-accidents.

Now, maybe the best
thing for me to do

is try and convince
myself he's right.

[g*n FlRES]

BECKER: Are you sure
it wasn't a backfire?

ROCKFORD:
It was a sh*t.

The doorman said
it was a backfire.

Oh, he's such an expert.
He's heard so many g*nshots.

He's heard
a lot of backfires.

What does it take to get
you guys moving, anyway?

Mrs. Clement has reported
three attempts on her life.

Now this is number four,
and I'm a witness.

We had a team go over
that hotel entrance

inch by inch. Nothing.

Did you see who
pulled the trigger?

Well no, but...
Any idea who it
could have been?

Or are we just
supposed to question
people at random?

Sergeant,
I have an idea.
Mrs. Clement.

It must have been somebody
with the women's movement.

That's just
a guess on her part.

Well, who else
could it be?

Now take, for example,
what happened with my car.

Somebody tampered
with those brakes.

What makes you think
it was a woman?

Because it's exactly
the sort of thing
they would do.

k*ll me, and prove their
mechanical genius
at the same time.

Well, I think
I'm going to need
a little more than that

to justify
an investigation.

Somebody took
a sh*t at her, Dennis.

We didn't find a slug.

Look, I'll make
a deal with you.

You come up with something
a little bit more solid,

and I'll take it
from there.

Well, I'm not
on the case.

Oh, you won't touch it,
but I'm supposed to?

Well, you get paid to.

Well, so do you.
I get paid to
listen to complaints,

to evaluate them
and to decide
whether or not

there's grounds enough
for a police action.

Okay, come on.

You mean there's
nothing we can do?

No, no.
We can come up
with something

so LA's finest
can go to work.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

ROCKY: Hey, Sonny!

Yeah, door's open.

Hey, you ain't
even ready yet.

You said you was
gonna help me clean
out the garage today.

Oh, hey, I'm sorry.
I forgot, Rocky.

Well, half the junk
in it is yours.

Well, I'm gonna
have to take a rain check.
I'm working.

Forever Feminine?

My client wrote it.

It's a little Dear Abby,
a little Norman Vincent Peale,

and a whole lot
of Kama Sutra.

What is a Kama Sutra?

It's sort of
a ''how to'' book.

You know,
she made $2 million

just saying that
the woman's place
is in the home.

It is.
Oh, Rocky.

Well, it is.
Now, you take your mother.

You'd never catch
her shinnying up
no telephone pole

or going down some
dirty old coal mine
to work. No, sir.

Do you know they
tell me that nowadays

they even got
ladies pushing rigs?

Now that is something
I don't never want to see
in all my life.

Tell me what's wrong
with talking care of
a home and a family?

And sweeping and dusting
and sewing and such?

Nothing. Nothing.
It's just a matter
of choice, Rocky.

All women don't
belong in the kitchen

anymore than all
women belong behind
the wheel of a semi.

No women belong
behind the wheel
of a semi.

No, sir.
And nothing you
can ever say

is gonna make me
think any different.

They have a phrase
for that kind of
macho attitude, Rocky.

Old-fashioned?

Male chauvinist.

That's right.
Old-fashioned,
that's what it is.

It's a matter
of being proud.

And there ain't nothing
wrong with that, neither.

I'll see you later, Rocky.

You ought to read that book
if you get a chance.

Whoa, hey, hey!

[GRUNTING]

Let go of me.

Why, so you can
take another
pop at me?

I said, let go of me.

Who are you?

I'm her husband,
that's who I am.

Whose husband?

Why, you dirty,
rotten scum.

You mean it's not
just Ann Louise?

Hey, you Bud Clement, huh?

Now, what is
the matter with you?

You didn't think
I'd find out
about it, did you?

You stay away from
my wife, Rockford.

Well, that's going to
make my investigating
a little difficult.

Oh, investigation?
Is that what you call it?

Yeah. That's what
I call it.

Well, I know
about the whole thing.

She admitted
the whole thing to me.

Are you gonna deny
that you're her lover?

Oh yeah,
I'm gonna deny it.

Well, you stay away
from her, Rockford.

And I mean it.
If you don't,
I'm gonna k*ll you.

[CAR STARTING]

What's all the ruckus?

[TIRES SCREECHING]

If you don't,
I'm going to k*ll you!

What have you
been up to, Sonny?

Well, not what he thinks.

Bud threatened you
because he thought
we were having an affair?

Now, where would
he get a ridiculous
idea like that?

Well, he told me
that you told him
all about it.

I told him you
were working for me.

Well, not anymore.

Oh, please
don't say that.

You know how I'm
counting on you.

Just take the money,
Mrs. Clement.

No.

I'm about a hundred short
on the advance you gave me.

I'll see that you get it.

Mr. Rockford.

Jim.
I can see you're upset.

Can you, now?

Please, try to understand.

This isn't the first time
Bud's accused me
of something like this.

Well, it's the first time
he's accused me.

Well, he has a temper
and he's insanely jealous.

Look, I don't
handle domestic cases.

This isn't a domestic case.
Please.

If you won't help me,
I don't have anyone.

I'm all alone.

Not quite.

I'll talk to Bud.

He won't bother you again.
I promise.

If he does,
you can keep the money.

All of it.
And walk away from the case.
I won't try to stop you.

I don't know.
Oh...

It was just
a little misunderstanding.

Well maybe.
But I keep getting
the feeling

that I'm chapter 1 7
in your new book,

The Beneficial Effect
of the Other Man
on Domestic Tranquility.

How can you say that?

I'm here, Mrs. Clement.

I'm gonna start on the stove.
It needs cleaning real bad.

Um...

Well, I think
we've run enough tests
on that new cleaner, Daisy.

Why don't you just
type up those notes

I left in my office, hmm?

The notes?
Oh, yes, ma'am.

Thank you, dear.

Daisy's my assistant.

Much more than
a secretary, really.

I'm sure she is.

Now, Jim,
about the case.

Look, I don't have a lead.
Except...

Some avenging
feminist with a black
belt in auto repair.

I can see you don't
take it very seriously.

But my publisher has
a whole file full of
crank letters from them.

Threatening letters.

He has?
Yes.

Well, why didn't you
mention them sooner?

There's not much
of a lead there, but
there might be something.

I always thought people
who wrote hate letters
just let it go at that.

Well, that's not something
you can depend on.

Maybe I ought to
have a look at them.

All right,
I'll introduce you to Lyle.

He'll give you
carte blanche.

It'll take me
just a minute
to get ready.

Will you wait for me?

Thank so much, Lyle,
for taking the time
to see Mr. Rockford.

I think I can
leave you two boys
alone, don't you think?

You don't need me
to go over those
crank letters.

You know what?
As long as I'm here,
I'm going to run down

to the graphics
department

and take a look at
that dust jacket

they're doing
for my new book.

All right.
But remember,

I'll do anything
I can to help.
Oh, thank you.

Listen, maybe you ought
to offer Mr. Rockford
a little drink.

I don't think
he really liked
taking the stairs.

Are you kidding?

Hey, I loved all ten flights.

Nine was my favorite.

Walking up and down
stairs is very good
exercise for the heart,

to say nothing of
the calf muscles.

[ANN LOUISE SCREAMING]

WOMAN OVER PA..
Nurse Simpson,
report to Treatment 4.

Can we see her
now, Becker?

Come on,
let's keep it down.

It's supposed
to be a hospital.

Where's Rockford?
Over there.

Well, go get him.

Who's Rockford?
He got something
to do with this?

You guys have
got my statement.

I'd like to know who
tipped you all off.

Jim, we're ready for you.

Mr. Rockford,
what's your relationship
to Mrs. Clement?

Okay, later, huh?

Later on, please.

All right, all right,
it's your money, spend it
any way you want to.

Oh, Bud, please.
It's our money.

I wish you wouldn't
feel that way.

Oh, Jim,
I'm sorry they kept you
waiting all this time.

What are you
apologizing to him for?

How you feeling?
How's she feeling?

How do you
think she's feeling?
Look at her.

It's not that bad.

The doctor said
it's a clean break.

You know,
it's your fault.

I'm holding you
responsible for this.

How much did you
pay this ding-a-ling
for protection anyway?

I'm not a bodyguard.

You can say that again.

Bud, it wasn't
Mr. Rockford's fault.

Oh, ''Mr. Rockford'' now.

What happened to ''Jim''?

Mr. Clement.

What's your version
of what happened?

I heard her scream.
I found her on the stairway,
unconscious. That's it.

And you didn't see
who pushed her either?

Well, I didn't see anybody.
I didn't hear anybody.

It all happened so quickly.

Whoever it was must
have followed me

and been there
waiting for me.

How'd they know
you'd use the stairs?

It's in her book.
How do you know?

I never take
the elevator.

You will now.

Bud...
Thanks to him.

I know you don't
mean to be unfair.
Please...

Unfair?
You throw your
money away

on this stiff
with a plastic badge

and all you get
is ten pounds
of plaster of Paris.

He's totally incompetent,
criminally negligent...
Bud...

And just about to commit
aggravated as*ault.

Oh really?
Oh, all right,
I'd like that.

Bud...
No, no. Come on.

Come on, come on,
let's keep this civilized.

Unless you want to
make the late news.

I got the hallway full
of reporters out there.

Oh, I forgot.

You want me to see
if I can find a back way
out of here?

Oh, that's very sweet
of you, Sergeant,

but they've been waiting
such a long time,
I really should see them.

Well, I'll tell them
to keep it brief.

Thank you.

And Jim?
Thank you.

It really wasn't your fault,
you know.

Yeah.

Do you believe
that turkey?

You mean do I believe
he doesn't like you?
I believe that.

No, no.
His attitude, Dennis.

His wife takes a header
down the stairs.

Do you see any compassion,
any solicitude?

Well, he's upset.

Yeah, about
her bank balance,
not her health.

Well maybe he
figures that she didn't
get her money's worth.

Well, now,
don't you start on me.

You're the one
that backed me
into this thing.

I told her up front
I don't do guard duty.

I was just going
to check out those
crank letters.

Okay, now I'll
check them out.

No, check him out.

I'm serious, Dennis.

If anything happens to her,
she's worth a lot of money.

Now, who stands
to profit, huh?

Put a tail on him.
I got a hunch.

I also got a hunch, Jimbo.

Falling down the stairs
doesn't make headlines.
But getting pushed does.

And to a woman
like Ann Louise Clement,

publicity is like
money in the bank.

Yeah, you could be right.

Of course I'm right.

But you could be wrong.

What are you looking at?

You.

I pulled the plugs
on the extension phones.

It'll ring in the kitchen.

I won't have to listen to it
and I won't have to
answer it.

I'm sorry, dear.
I should have arranged
for Daisy to stay.

You know how I feel
about live-in help.

It would only be temporary.

For a few weeks,
we could sacrifice
a little of our privacy.

Sure.
We have so much of that.

You want one of these?

No, I just took
a pain pill.

Does it hurt much?

No.

The worst of it
is being so helpless.

But you do that so well.

I talked to the doctor.
He said you didn't even
need a wheelchair.

He told me you
insisted on it.

Well, of course I did.

I though it would
be easier for you

not to have me
stumbling around
the kitchen on crutches.

Not that you'd complain.

You never complain.
I just didn't want
to be a burden to you.

Stumbling around the kitchen,
falling over Daisy,

our undercover maid,

who happens to have
been doing all the cooking

in the past two years.

Well, you know
how I fought about
having a maid.

It was you who insisted.

After you stopped
cooking altogether.

I mean, a guy
can just eat so many
turkey pot pies.

Well, actually,
I'm kind of glad
this happened,

I mean,
what with the lectures

and the books
and the demands
of your business,

we never have time
for just us anymore.

Honey,
will you stop it, please?

I'm getting sick and tired
of being set up as material

for your new book,

An Evening at Home with Bud.

Oh, Bud,
you can't mean that.

When I write
about your strength
and your thoughtfulness...

Honey, I wish
you would just stop
writing altogether.

I wish you'd just
leave me out of it.

How can I leave out
the most important
part of my life?

All right.

I know you're worried
about canceling that
business meeting tonight.

That'll keep.

Well, I don't mind
being alone.

Alone?

You don't have to be alone.

All you've got to do
is call Marge and Bill
on the phone.

Ask them over here
to play a little
three-handed bridge, huh?

You know I have
no head for cards.

Honey, come on.
I used to watch
you play

at the sorority,
remember?

Why, you're a k*ller.
You go for the throat.

I know guys in Vegas
you'd leave weeping.

Oh, well,
whatever you think is best.

You know,
I'd never dream
of interfering.

I won't be long.

You ought to be dead.
You know that?

Now, now, Marty.

Taking a fall
like that...

I didn't fall,
I was pushed.

Well, you could've
broken more than your leg.

You could have
been k*lled.

I mean, it was bad enough
having me fire those blanks

in front of the hotel.

But to throw yourself
down a flight of stairs?

Well, maybe I did
go too far,

but you know,
I was really just taking
a leaf from your book.

You know I've
always admired you.

Your flair for business.

How you handle yourself
in situations,

the way you assert yourself.

Well, this has got to end.

I mean,
I can't take much more.

The police
questioned me today.
Did you know that?

Mmm-hmm.

You knew that.

What?
You gave them
my name?

They questioned everyone
I'm associated with.

You gave them my name?
That's terrific.

I don't have
enough to worry.

Now, I've got the cops
to worry about.

You just worry about
your ten percent, Marty.

Now, what did you do
about that lecture tour?

I cancelled.

I told you to postpone,
not cancel.

That's what I meant.

Listen, I don't
think it's a good idea

to drop completely
from sight.

Maybe a few
television appearances.

Maybe the Carson show.

And do it soon,
will you, hmm?

I want to do it
while I'm still
in the wheelchair.

A walking cast
is too clumsy.

You're really incredible,
you know that?

I mean,
you never stop, do you?

Hmm? What?

Okay, okay,
I'll check with the
Carson people tomorrow,

let you know
what they say.

Oh, Marty?
Before you go,

if you wouldn't mind,

I was working
on some revisions
yesterday.

Where are they?

In my office on the desk.

You can't miss them.

Thanks.

[g*n f*ring]

[GASPS]

Marty!

Marty!

[SCREAMING]

Hey, hold it, pal.
Hold it. Wait,
wanna talk to you.

Hey, we the first
ones here?

No. Actually I got here
about 1 2:00 last night.

Have you talked to
anyone yet today?

Look,
I haven't been
up too long.

How about a simple,
declarative statement

telling me
who you are?

Bob Zinberg, LA News.

You're the P.I.
working for this
Ann Louise Clement, right?

I didn't see anything.

I didn't hear anything
and I don't know what
happened on the stairway.

That's not why we're here.

Then what?
We want
a statement from you

on the m*rder
of Marty Bach.

Who's Marty Bach?

That's a quote.
Go ahead, Lou.

Beautiful.
Come on. Thanks, pal.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey.

Hey, who's Marty Bach?

She was more
than my agent.

She was my close,
personal friend.

My husband and I
were both terribly,
terribly fond of Marty.

I valued her friendship
as much as her advice.

I have no head
for business.

I don't want to tell you
what it's like

when I tried to balance
our checking account.

Poor Bud, he had
a terrible time

trying to
straighten it all out.

Anyway, whoever it was

who k*lled Marty
saw her sitting
at my desk

and thought it
was me, and...

Mrs. Clement,
do you have any idea
who it might have been?

No.

Now, I understand
there were prior threats
on your life.

Were any precautions taken?
Was anything done
to insure your safety?

Yes, I had hired
a private investigator,

James Rockford.

Was Mr. Rockford present
at the time of the k*lling?

Who knows where he was?
He was hired as a bodyguard

and certainly wasn't
around here protecting her.

Well, where were you
when all this was
going on, Mr. Clement?

You'd just brought
your wife home from
the hospital.

Yes, thank you.

I had to go to
a very important
business meeting.

I was fool enough
to think that
this Rockford

was going to be
keeping an eye on her.

That's what he
was paid to do.

My husband is all
the protection
I need or want.

Turn it off.

Anyway, I could never
have made it through
this ordeal without him.

WOMAN.. Mrs. Clement?

Cal Kramer, Tempo News.

I said turn it off.

That solves everything,
doesn't it?

He's married,
he's going to stay married.

You have no right
to say that.

You're my kid sister.
Who's got a better right?

Jan, you're not
seeing this thing
the way it really is.

I have to get
to the office.

So he can tell you
how much he loves you?

Or how much he
loves his wife's money?

Jack, please.

When I moved back
here from Lauderdale,

I couldn't believe
you'd gotten mixed up
in something like this.

Jan, you always
had the pride
in this family.

Do you think I want
it to be this way?

It happened.

Bud and I didn't
set out to...

I should have never
told you about us.

We never had any secrets,
remember?

We always shared.

Don't worry, Jack.

Somehow it'll be all right.

So long as you
don't end up
on the short side.

That, I wouldn't like.

ROCKFORD:
''Noted author's agent slain.''

''Malibu detective
draws criticism.''

Jim, in all fairness,
I have no control
over the media.

Well, you have control
over your mouth.

Between this article and your
television interview,

I'm just about cooked
professionally.

My reputation is sh*t.
Here, look at this.

'''Who's Marty Bach?'
queries dumbfounded
investigator.''

Who is Marty Bach?

I'll write you a check.

For what?
A down payment
on a hardware store?

Why are we having
this conversation?

Somebody tried to
k*ll me last night.

Do you have any idea
how that makes me feel?

Knowing that somebody
hates me enough
they want me dead?

They k*lled Marty,
but it was me they
were after.

I couldn't think
of anything else
last night.

I took a sleeping pill,

it didn't do a thing for me.
I couldn't turn off my mind.

That's a strange reaction.

Strange?
What's so strange about it?

Well, somebody sh*t
at you at the hotel,
you bounced right back.

Then somebody pushes
you down the stairs,

you were just as
perky and saucy
as ever.

Now, all of a sudden,
you start to unravel.

Well, I suppose
it's a cumulative effect.

Let's suppose it's
something else,
Ann Louise, huh?

I've been giving
it a little thought.

Let's try it
out on you.

Let's just suppose
that you thought Bud
was slipping away from you,

and that's bad
for business.
I don't understand.

So you tried
a little shock therapy.

All these phony
attempts on your life

were supposed to
create sympathy.

Well, it didn't work.

So, you tried jealousy.

You hire me
and tell Bud

that you were having
an affair with me.

Well, you played
some nasty games, lady,

and $200 a day doesn't put me
into one of your team shirts.

Jim, you don't know
what I've been through.

I don't particularly care.

You're trying to
save your career.

So am I.

I'm trying to
save my marriage.

In your case,
it boils down to about
the same thing, doesn't it?

Oh, Jim,
please try to understand.

Bud's a very sensitive man.

A very proud man.

If he knew I'd
confided in you,
it would destroy him.

But I know I can
trust your discretion
and your kindness.

Shortly after my
book was published,

Bud developed this
physical problem.

It was nothing personal.
It had nothing to do with me.

He didn't lose interest
or anything like that.

It's just that he couldn't...

What are you trying to say?
He was impotent?

You men are so frank.

I really envy that.

Oh, no. But anyway,
I do know a little bit
about the male ego.

And I know that
what happened to Bud

was very,
very traumatic for him.

Who helped you set up
these attempts on
your life, huh?

Marty?

Hey, come on!
Your game went
south on you, lady.

You set the whole
thing in motion and
somebody's capitalized on it.

But who'd want to see me dead?

Who stands to inherit?

You can't be serious. Bud?

He's the last person
in the world.

He's welcome to the money.
He knows that.

Oh, it's not as though
there's another woman.

Oh, will you
cut that out?
What?

Well, who are you
lying to now?
Yourself?

Mr. Rockford,
I think I know my husband
a little better than you do.

I suppose the next
thing you're going
to tell me

is that all those games
you've been playing

had nothing to do
with Jan Avery.

Jan?

My husband's secretary?

Oh come on, lady.

A human being
has been k*lled.

We don't have
time for all this.

No, no,
wait a minute,
wait a minute.

What were you
going to say about Jan?

You know what's
wrong with the way you
try to work it, huh?

You've got this
lying thing down so good,

it really is hard to tell
when you're being
straight with me

and when you're not.

Are you suggesting
that Jan Avery and Bud
are having an affair?

Because it's not true.

I mean,
we may have had our problems,

but there's never
been another woman
in Bud's life.

Well,
there's one less in yours.

Marty Bach.

I was. Just like I said,
I had a business appointment
last night.

Mr. Clement,
you were observed
entering a residence

at 1370 Kings Road.

Oh, that's just great.

You've put a cop
on me and you have
nobody watching my wife?

Can you explain that?

We did not have
a police officer on you,
Mr. Clement.

I said you were observed.
It was just a report.

Don't tell me,
let me guess.

Rockford, right?
He was watching me.

The source of
the report is incidental.

You stated you had
a business meeting.

I did.

Let me see,
the residence is occupied
by a Miss...

Jan Avery.

She happens to
be my secretary.

We were working
on cost analysis.

At her home?
Not your office?

That is a nasty
insinuation and I resent it.

Look, I don't know
what business it is
of the LAPD,

but Miss Avery and
I happen to work at
her home a great deal.

It's very
convenient for both of us.

I'm not about to
invite her down
to this neighborhood

to work late at night.
It is not safe.

Your neighborhood
was not safe last
night, Mr. Clement.

All right,
that's it, Sergeant.

If the police
have any further
questions to ask me,

they can reach me
through my attorney.

Is that clear?

Thank you for
your cooperation.

We'll be in touch,
Mr. Clement.

[DOOR OPENING]

What did he want, Bud?

Same old questions.

Honey, you know
what I've been thinking?

Remember that
Caribbean cruise we've
been talking about taking?

I think it's time.

After what
happened last night?

We can't leave town.

I know, honey,
that I can't, but...

You want me to leave?

Now, just till things
cool down, that's all.

A few weeks,
a couple of months...

Months?
Well, I'll meet you.

Don't you see?
The police know that I went
to your place last night.

It was that damned
private investigator
following me, watching.

I told them it was business
but I think he saw me
use the key.

I think he saw everything.

Won't it look worse
if I suddenly go
off island hopping?

Honey, they can't
prove anything.

Do you see,
that's not what worries me.

What if Ann Louise
finds out about us?

She'll walk away
with all that money.

Come on, be patient, huh?

Come on, it's gonna work out.
Don't you see?

I can handle Ann Louise.

It's just this Rockford
that keeps messing things up.

Can you handle him?

Sure,
I can handle Rockford.

You sure you got
enough room?

Oh yeah, thanks, Sam.

Hey, you want to
build me another one,

and go easy on
the lettuce this time,
will you?

If I decide to
rent out office space,
you'll be the first to know.

You using
a different kind of sauce?

We got complaints.
It was too hot.

Come on, Sam,
I'll tell you when
it's too hot.

[g*n f*ring]

Can't even eat
lunch anymore

without someone making
a target out of you.

Who pays the damages?
That's what I want to know.

What did Clement
have to say about
last night?

Well, the place
belongs to his secretary.

He says that
they were working.

SAM: This sort of thing
happens all the time.

Nobody's safe,
nobody takes responsibility.

When he left his
place last night,
he was carrying a briefcase.

When he got over to her place,
he didn't take it in with him.

SAM:
I'm out a bottle of hot sauce,
some of my best china.

Now, who's gonna pay?

Knock it off, Sam.
Put it on my tab.

That's like saying forget it.

Okay then, forget it.

Hey, look, Dennis,
it didn't make any
sense to me last night,

but it does
make sense now.

The guy I saw
leaving her place last night
after Clement arrived,

maybe he's the sh**t.

You know,
maybe Clement hired him
to take care of Ann Louise.

And when I saw
them together,

he figured he had to
take care of me, too.

Maybe. We'll look into it.

Well, don't look into it.
Ask him about it.

Hey, don't tell me
how to do my job.

The department's
under a lot of heat.

You're not the only one
who made the headlines.

Paragraph one,
''Police Department
fails to act on threats.''

If bad press could
put the cops out
of business,

you'd have folded
a long time ago.

Now, why didn't
I think of that?

I could send a memo
to the Lieutenant.

It would ease his mind.

Are you going to
question Clement
or not?

Yes, I'm going
to question him.

When I'm darned sure
he can't charge me
with harassment.

I won't forget this,
Rockford.

Oh, here. Sam, here.

You know you
ought to be paying me.

You're going to
get your picture
in the paper.

It's really
gonna be good
for business.

Whatever's left over,
just keep it as a tip.

May I help you?

I have an appointment
with Mr. Clement.

Tell him I'm here.

He's not here.

I have an appointment.

I'm sorry,
there's nothing
on Jan's calendar.

My appointment
isn't with Jan,
it's with Mr. Clement.

Mr. Pei made
the arrangements personally
before he left for Chicago.

I.M. Pei?

The I.M. Pei?

The man who designed
the Kennedy Library?

I don't want to be unpleasant,
I know this isn't your fault,

but if Mr. Clement
is so cavalier
in his business dealings...

Oh, but he got a phone call.

Some problem with
the site over at 8840.

Please, let me try
to get in touch with him.

Well, Mr. Pei's jet is
warming up on the runway,
and you want me to wait?

I'm sure it'll only
take a few minutes.

You can wait
in Mr. Clement's office.

It's very comfortable.

Just a few minutes.

Could I get you some coffee?

Just get me Mr. Clement.

Yes, this is Gloria
at the office.

When Mr. Clement gets there,
tell him to check with me.

It's very important.

He did? But...

Never mind.
I've been off on
a wild goose chase,

for crying out loud.

GLORlA: I was just trying
to call you.

There's no trouble
over at 8840.

I had the wrong
specifications.

I stop on the way over,
phoned them to see
if they had a copy.

They didn't even
know I was coming.

I'm going to get
somebody else in here
that can take a message.

Mr. Clement, I...

I was trying to tell you
your appointment is here.

Oh, I forgot
to get his name.

I know his name.

I thought I
heard you come in.

So, you're the one
that finessed me
out of here, aren't you?

Why?

So you could
search my office?

I tried,

but, you know, I've got to
tell you the truth.

You really didn't
give me too much time.

Well that's great, pal.
Because nothing would
give me a greater pleasure

than to put you in jail.

Get me the police.

Fine.
See if you can arrange
for adjoining cells.

Just tell me,
what's that
supposed to mean?

m*rder one.

Marty Bach may have just
been in the wrong place
at the wrong time,

but she's dead.

All right, what has that
got to do with me?

You set it up, Bud.

I followed you to
your secretary's
place last night.

I saw the hired
muscle leave.

If I'd known
what he was up to,
I would've followed him.

Hired muscle?

That was Jack Avery,
Jan's brother.

Sometimes it's better
to keep it in the family.

Especially when
there's a lot of money
involved.

Are you crazy
or something?

I mean,
me hire someone
to k*ll my own wife?

We've been married 15 years.


didn't have $2 million.

And you weren't
getting along.

She told you that?

All right,
we've got a problem
in our marriage.

We've had one ever
since she started
writing that lousy book.

I'm not her husband anymore.
Now I'm research.

She looks at me
like she was looking at
a bug stuck on a pin.

She watches and
then she writes
everything down.

I pat her on the behind,
and 40 million idiots
read about it.

''Let's see what happens
if Bud comes home
from the office

''and I greet him
with nothing on
except a smile.

''Let's just see what happens,
shall we?

''And then let's tell
the world about it.''

You're saying you
had nothing to do
with the m*rder?

I'm saying I've had
enough of that big
mouth of yours.

If there would be
anybody I wanted to k*ll,
it'd be you, Rockford.

You've already tried that.
You and the company
you're keeping.

You just say one
word about Jan...

Money.
I think that's the word.

If anything
should happen
to Ann Louise,

you would end up with Jan.

Jan would end up with you.

You think brother Jack
wouldn't be willing
to help little sister out

on a sweet deal
like that?

You threw him out?

You better believe
I booted him out.

Honey, I don't think
you'd better be leaving town.

God only knows who
he's been talking to.

First of all,
he says I'm the one that
tried to k*ll Ann Louise

and then he said
it was you and Jack.

Nobody would believe that,
would they, Bud?

I don't know. Anyone with
a mouth that active is bound
to find an ear somewhere.

Nobody would be
able to prove it,
that's all.

I just wish that he would
keep his mouth shut.

I don't know how
Jack's going to
take this.

Maybe I shouldn't
mention it to him.

No, go ahead
and tell him.

At least he'll
be prepared.

Rockford's got him
swinging into town
from Lauderdale

with his target pistols,
sh**ting everybody
right and left.

It's a real mess,
isn't it?

You know,
I think he's paranoid.

You know,
I mean, I think he's got
a persecution complex.

You know what he
told me before I
booted him out?

That he thought
that somebody was out
to try and hack at him.

And he really
believed it.

What are we going
to do, Bud?

I don't know.

Did I tell you
I followed him?

Yeah, he went right
to his trailer,
where he lives,

packed up all his bags,
drove out to the valley.

Some little tract
house out there.

I think it was one
of his relatives'.

The name on the mailbox
was Joseph Rockford.

As if he was
gonna be safe there.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Who is it?

I'm Jack Avery.

I think we better talk.

How did you know
I was here?

You going to open up?

I know you're
going to think
this is rude,

but I don't think so.

I though you
wanted to talk.

Well, talking's
mostly a waste of time

and a real
trouble maker.

You ought
to know that.

Oh.

Bud told you about
our little conversation
this afternoon.

Bud told Jan.
Jan told me.

Then you two did
set this whole thing up?

Come on,
you've seen my sister.

She's a born victim.

Don't get me wrong,
I love her.

She just never
learned how to make
the most of a situation.

Maybe she's smart.

On the other hand,
Jack, I get the feeling
you're dumb.

When this is all over,
Bud's going to end up
with the money,

Jan's going to
end up with him,

and I'm going to end up
with as much as I want
of a nice piece of change.

Jan and me,
we've always shared.

Yeah, I told Bud
my theory about you
in all this.

And I also told
Sergeant Becker
of the police department.

So if you pull
that trigger, they can
trace it right to you.

Did l say anything
about sh**ting you?

You're going to
take a nasty fall
down the cellar stairs

and break your neck.

Nobody'd believe that.

I'm known
for my grace.

Now, the g*n's beginning
to make me nervous.
You want to give it to me?

Hold it right there.
I said hold it.

You're not going
to sh**t anybody,
Jack.

[CLlCKING]

Don't panic,
maybe it's still
under warranty.

Now you hold it.

What are you doing here?
You set me up.

No, I didn't set you up.
He's the one that set you up.

I was in on it,
but all I did

was file down the
f*ring pin on your g*n,
that's all.

You see, he told me
that you were the one
who tried to k*ll Ann Louise.

I didn't believe him.

But you did try
and k*ll her.

[g*n f*ring]

Right in my TV dinner.

I'm sure you understand
that under the circumstances,

there's really very
little I can say.

Mr. Avery,
as you know,
is under arrest

for the m*rder of
Marty Bach, and for
the attempts on my life.

As strongly as I
feel about Marty's
tragic death,

Mr. Avery does deserve
a fair and unprejudiced
hearing.

REPORTER:
According to Mr. Avery,
your husband and his sister,

Jan, were involved
in an illicit relationship.

Would you like to
comment on that?

I most certainly would.

It's very tragic,
but Mr. Avery,
by his behavior,

has demonstrated
himself to be a sociopath.

And any statement he makes
must be considered
accordingly.

Jan Avery is my
husband's secretary.

She's a lovely girl,
absolutely irreplaceable.

I feel very sorry for her,
with her brother most
certainly going to prison.

My husband and I
are both deeply and
genuinely fond of her.

Then the reports
of trouble in your
marriage are erroneous?

Bud and I have
never been closer.

Tragedy has a way
of drawing people
together, you know.

In fact, I intend
to deal fully with that
in my new book.

One thing more.

A distinguished
private investigator,
Mr. James Rockford...

Rockford has been
working on my behalf

and he's come in for some
unfortunate and certainly
unwarranted criticism.

I'd like to set
the record straight.

It was Mr. Rockford who
brought Jack Avery
to justice

through his daring
and expertise.

You and Mr. Clement
were the ones
who criticized him.

We only quoted you.

Yeah, you will
quote her this time,
now, won't you?

Particularly the part
about daring and expertise.

That ought to look
terrific in print.

Thank you, Mrs. Clement.
It's a wrap, fellas.

Thank you.

Thank you all. Bye.

Well, that went
rather well, I think.

My new book's going
to be published in
about six weeks,

and all this publicity
should boost sales.

It's a shame Marty
won't be around for
ten percent of the action.

I'm dedicating
the book to her.

That ought to
boost sales, too.

There are a lot
of revisions to be
made, though.

I have to include
everything that's
happened,

people would naturally
expect it.

How Bud and I
were drawn together

during this trying time,
and his patience
and understanding.

Darling?

I called Daisy
on the phone.

She's on her way
over here to help you.

But don't worry,
she's going to put
everything in the briefcase.

Nobody will know
she does windows.

But where are you going?

I'm not really sure.

Well, is it a business trip?

I mean, I don't understand.

I know.

He can't just walk
out on me like that.

Doesn't he know
what that'll do to sales?

I don't think he cares,
Ann Louise.

Well, what about us?
What about our marriage?

You don't just
walk away from


What am I
supposed to do?

Rewrite the last chapter.