04x08 - No Way to Treat a Body

[bunniefuu]

I'm a stripper.

This may not be a great place to live, but
it sure is gonna be a fun place to visit.

Say if she goes snooping
around and finds them?

They've been dead
about twenty years!

Well, last week
they weren't dead.

But mummification in
an attic is, uh, unique.

Five minutes, or I'm
gonna call a SWAT team.

Is everybody around
here bananas?

If you want to go bananas,
go bananas someplace else!

Gentlemen, you
are about to enter

the most fascinating
sphere of police work,

the world of forensic medicine.

You must be kiddin'.
You sure this is the place?

Sure, I'm sure. Isn't it great?

Yeah, great if you
like horror movies.

Honey, you still got
time to reconsider.

Don't be silly. Look, this
is absolutely charming.

Now wait till you
see the inside!

Do I have to?

Uh-huh.

- Got it?
- Yep.

Maybe we should come back later,

give you a chance to think about
it. I do have some work to do...

Oh, Miss Drake! I wasn't
expecting you until much later.

Well, you just take the
help when you can get it.

This is Doctor Quincy.

Quince, this is the caretaker.

Please, forgive me.

My manners. Come in, come in.

Let me show you up to your room.

But it's music, man. Music
to make your heart sing.

Make my stomach
turn, more like it!

Professor! Speed!
Look, we have guests!

This is Miss Drake.
Our new boarder.

Wilhelm Sachs,
Professor of ancient history,

- at your service.
- How do you do?

My only request is that if you
must play music, play it quietly.

We already have enough
noise here! Excuse me, please.

He's weird.

This is Walter Simpson.

How do you do.

Call me Speed. If there's
anything I can do to help,

- just gimme a call.
- Thank you, Speed. I will.

Come on, now, let me
show you up to your room.

It doesn't work. I don't
know why, but it doesn't.

What doesn't work?

Why should I tell you?

So you can steal the patent?

Raymond, who was that?

That's Max. He's an inventor. Quite
an ingenious man, as a matter of fact.

- Except that it doesn't work.
- Yes.

Except it doesn't work.
Now let's go up to your room.

Come on.

- This is it, huh?
- Yeah... I know it
doesn't look like very much,

- but it's got great potential.
- Yeah.

There! That ought to give you a
good breeze. The electrical outlet...

That's over there. And you know where
the bathroom is from your last visit...

I think you know everything
else. Oh, there's your key.

Thank you.

Our landlady, Mrs.
Kaufman, is expecting me.

She's in the hospital,
and I promised to visit her

so if you'll excuse me...

Oh, of course. I hope
she's feeling better.

Thank you.

Well, you don't think
it's all that bad, do you?

Great potential...

Ruth...

Oh, Raymond! How nice. It
won't be long now, Raymond.

- One day,
maybe two, and I'll be home.
- The time will fly.

I know it will. Oh, I've
got good news, Ruth.

The empty room, I rented
it to a charming young lady.

- What empty room? The side attic?
- Why, of course.

Raymond, what have you done? I
told you never to rent that room out

to anybody!

It's all right... Now,
don't worry yourself.

Don't worry? Do you
know what you're saying?

We don't know who
that young woman is.

She could go snooping
around and get into everything.

She'll be fine. You'll see.

- I know she will.
- If she isn't?

Say if she goes snooping
around and finds them?

Ruth, the bills.

The hospital, the
doctors, they must be paid.

Now just trust me.

I trust you, Raymond.

I trust you.

Besides, it's cheap, and it's close
to school and I like this apartment.

I know you're going back to
school and I admire you for it,

but you're not this broke.

You make more money on tips
at Danny's than I make in salary.

The galley of my
boat is bigger than this!

Okay... I'm sorry. You won't
hear another peep out of me.

Why don't we finish up here, and
I'll buy you a terrific dinner, okay?

I'd like to, Quince, but it's been
a busy day and I'm really tired.

I'm going to take a little
rest before I finish this up.

You don't mind, do you?

I could make
another suggestion...

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow and tomorrow.
The story of my life.

Hi! You're not Jenny.

- And you are...
- Bernice.

I'm a stripper. At
least, I'm trying to be.

Ruth is teaching me. Maybe you'd
like to see me perform one day.

- Oh, I would love to.
- Oh, great.

I knew you weren't Jenny.

This may not be a great place to live, but
it sure is gonna be a fun place to visit.

It'll be a fun place to visit...

Oh, my gosh, Harold!

Harold.

You don't like my
apartment, either?

Harold! I'm sorry!

Harold?

Harold, come on. I
didn't mean to hit you!

Harold?

Harold, come on.

Harold, what are
you doing in there?

Harold, you'll get
trapped in there.

Now, come on.

Ed?

- Yeah, Quince?
- I want you to take
a lot of extreme close-ups.

- You want the hands too?
- Oh, yeah, of course.

You got it.

Well, do you know them?

- You recognize them?
- No.

Raymond, would you give
us some more lights, please?

We can hardly see here.

Mr. Simpson? Bernice?

Call me Speed.

- You recognize them?
- They don't even look real.

That's because they're mummified.
Now, that can happen in a hot, dry place

- with good
ventilation like this attic.
- Far out.

- No, man,
I got no idea who they are.
- Me, neither.

- Thank you very much. You
wanna come right this way.

Pardon me, folks. I
wanna see if you know 'em.

No, no, I don't know them...

All right. That's all folks.

Quince, come here.

No one recognizes them.

Hey, Lieutenant, I
think I've got something.

- What's that?
- With the lights out before,
we didn't see it.

It was caught up in the folds of
the dresses. We found this, too.

The one with the cigar
had her ashtray on it.

A license... Bella...

Stranowski.

The name in the flyleaf
here is Esther Hardwicke.

Well, now we know who they are.

It's going to be up to you to figure
out what k*lled them, right away.

Right away? It's three
o'clock in the morning.

Did you ever hear about sleep?

Look, what are you crying about?

You're the one that always
wants to get it done right away.

The brain is one-quarter its normal
size... Hard and dark brown in color.

Sam, come here. Look,
the preservation is amazing.

Even in this condition you can
see the extensive hemorrhaging

of the right ventricle of the brain.
That's what k*lled her. A stroke.

- So they both d*ed
of natural causes.
- Yeah.

Esther Hardwicke of uremia,
Bella Stranowski of a stroke.

You can't get more
natural than that.

Quincy, I'm glad I caught you.

Are you happy? We
stayed up all night.

- I'm happy.
- What are you looking at?

- You find out
something about them?
- Yeah, I found out something.

- Well, what did you find out?
- That they're not dead.

You're the one who needed some
sleep. We just did an autopsy on them.

- They've been dead
about twenty years!
- Oh, is that right?

- Yeah, that's right.
- Well,
last week they weren't dead.

What are you talking about?

Last week they endorsed
their annuity checks...

Just like they've been doing
each month for the past 25 years.

Well, it's about time. It
took you long enough.

It was a little
slow, but it paid off.

Tyler Annuity Company.

Made out policies to Esther
Hardwicke and Bella Stranowski in 1938.

Both women retired in 1953 and
have been collecting ever since.

Yeah. Except they've
both been dead.

I thought you said it paid off.

- I already knew that.
- It did pay off!

- The Flying Muldoon Sisters!
- The Flying Muldoon Sisters?

- Yeah. Ya mean ya
never heard of them?
- Heard of them?

I don't even know what
the hell you're talking about.

The Flying Muldoon
Sisters. They were strippers.

They used to do their
act from a trapeze.

The two old ladies we found in the
house were half of the Muldoon Sisters.

But they weren't the only half
to take out an annuity policy.

The four of them took
out a joint policy together.

Well, who were the other two?

- Matilda Harris
and Ruth Kaufman.
- Ruth Kaufman!

- She's the one
who owns the house.
- Right.

The very building to
which all four checks

were sent every month
for the last 25 years,

since all four women retired.

Are you saying that Ruth Kaufman
is cheating the annuity company?

It sure looks that way.

You think she
forged their names?

Well, there's a
sure way to find out.

All the people there signed statements,
so we have samples of their handwriting.

All we have to do is compare them to
the annuity checks and see which one fits.

Yeah, but you still need a sample
of Ruth Kaufman's handwriting.

Oh, I already thought of that. I
stopped by the house earlier today

and picked up one of her
canceled personal checks.

We've got everything we need. I'll
take this to the handwriting expert.

What's with him? You
think he's looking for a raise?

I think he's
looking for your job.

Oh, there's no doubt about it.

All four checks were
signed by Ruth Kaufman.

See the relative spacing of the
letters and the internal proportion...

And the way the letters are
connected. That's the real giveaway.

- You can see it here, too. And here.
- Thanks a lot, Ely.

Well, now we know for sure.

The old lady was ripping
off the annuity company.

Now all we have to figure out
is what else she's been up to.

What do you mean what else? I told
you they both d*ed of natural causes.

But there's four checks, remember?
And only three accounted for.

Brill's right, Quincy.

I think you and me ought to pay
the old lady a visit in the hospital

'cause there's a good chance
she's got an extra house guest

that nobody knows about.

Harold!

He's been gone all day.

You should follow his example!

This isn't your kind of
place... It's kooky around here!

Now, wait... You said yourself that
those bodies d*ed of natural causes.

It isn't exactly normal to keep a couple
of dead people around so you can cheat

- an annuity company.
- Oh, don't be silly.

The poor little old thing just
probably needed a few extra dollars.

I don't believe I'm hearing this! You
find two dead bodies behind a wall,

and all you can say is she
probably needed a little extra money?

Is everybody around
here bananas?

It's bad enough having to listen

to that hippie and his awful guitar.
Young man, if you want to go bananas,

go bananas someplace else!

I'm sorry, Professor. We'll
keep it down. I promise.

Everybody around
here is bananas!

- Shh. He's gonna hear you.
- I don't care if he hears me.

I don't care if
everybody hears me.

Do you know there may
be another body here?

- The police are
gonna be looking for it.
- Another body?

- Yeah. And we don't
know what it d*ed from.
- Maybe we could find it!

What do you think this is,
some kind of treasure hunt?

You're not looking for anything!

- It could be fun!
- No.

Yeah.

I said no, didn't I?
I'm not going with you.

I say no, she says yeah.

Remember, she's
still under observation.

Oh, we appreciate that, ma'am.
We just want to see her for a minute.

- Just as long as you
promise not to upset her.
- Oh, we promise.

Mrs. Kaufman? There are
two gentlemen here to see you.

- Two gentlemen. How nice.
- They're from the police.

- The police?
- Yes, ma'am.

How nice. To
protect and to serve.

Yes, ma'am. Nice... Well,
right now we're here to serve.

I'd like to ask you a couple of
questions about your association

with the Tyler Annuity Company.

- I don't understand.
- Well, I think you may, ma'am.

You see, we found Esther Hardwicke
and Bella Stranowski in your home.

Oh. Oh. Get the doctor.
Please. Oh. Get the doctor.

- What happened?
- Out.

You promised not to upset
her... Are you out of your mind?

You said you would
not upset her...

Ruth, my dear,
precious... What is it?

I knew it! I knew this
was going to happen!

Ruth! Don't you ever do that
to me again! A man my age!

You almost gave
me a heart att*ck!

Almost gave you a heart att*ck?

The police were just here!
I almost had a heart att*ck!

- They found Bella and Esther.
- I know.

That's why I came over
to the hospital to tell you.

And they know all about
the annuity company.

We're going to lose
everything, Raymond.

They're going to go
through the whole house...

And they're going
to... Oh, oh...

Look, I'm terribly sorry, sir, but
you're going to have to leave now.

Please.

It's gotta be here somewhere.

Is that you, Quince?

- Oh, Quince, you were right.
- Take it easy, honey.

Just lie there.

Quince, you better come
up. We've found something.

Okay, I'll be right there.
Now listen, you just stay here.

Now, I don't know how badly
you're hurt until I check you out, okay?

Stay!

I mean it.

Well, two more bodies.

You know this is turning
into a regular House of Usher.

They're mummified.

Do they have identification
like the other two?

Only one of them
did. Matilda Harris.

The fourth Flying
Muldoon Sister.

All four present
and accounted for.

So all that leaves us
is one more question.

Yeah... Who does the
fourth body belong to?

Right. I think it's about time to
have another talk with Mrs. Kaufman.

And this time she's going
to give me some answers.

Brill.

Do a preliminary examination. Get
them down to the morgue, carefully.

Okay, Quince.

Are you kidding?

We'd need the whole Rams
front line to get past her.

We're gonna get in, it's taken
care of. Will you trust me?

We better. 'Cause if I have to take
a warrant out on that old faker, I will.

Somebody's gonna answer for
those four bodies in that house.

I already answered for
two of them, natural causes.

And will you please
remember she's an old lady?

But until you do an autopsy on the latest
two, we don't know what we're dealing with.

Quince!

What's this big problem
you were talking about?

Standing behind you...

Oh. Is it important?

I don't want to fool with the
well-being of my patients.

Of course it's important.
Would I ask otherwise?

It's all right, Nurse.

See what I mean.

Mrs. Kaufman, I'm Doctor
Quincy. I'm with the coroner's office.

You're a little early, young man, but
I'm not well, I don't have long to live.

Well, I won't keep you too long. I
think you know these two gentlemen.

Oh, my God.

Look, we know about the annuity company,
and we know about your friends' checks,

the ones you've been collecting.

But what concerns us are
the four bodies we found.

Four bodies?

Yeah. The two we found on
one side of the attic yesterday

and the two we found
today on the other side.

That makes four.

Four? There's supposed
to be three! I am the fourth!

The Muldoon Sisters never had a fifth
wheel, and we're not gonna start now!

We can show you
the body from here.

Ready, Quince?

Okay, Sam.

You know her?

Of course I know her,
that no good hussy!

I don't know how Matilda
stood her all those years!

- Matilda?
- That was the other
corpse that was with her.

- Oh.
- I mean after all,
Matilda was as neat as a pin,

and this one was a pig!
Always was, always will be!

Well, who is that?

That's old lady Murphy.

Ethel Murphy.

So that's where she's
been all this time.

I always wondered how she
suddenly disappeared one night.

She was trying to
blackmail my backside off.

Wait a minute, I don't understand.
Why would she want to blackmail you?

Oh, did she know about the other three
you had planted, placed in the house?

Well, she found out. I
don't know how but she did.

And I had to pay. I
didn't have any choice.

But it was because of that
crummy annuity company.

Crummy annuity company,
huh? We call that fraud.

Well, you can call
it fraud, d*ck Tracy.

But me and the girls,
we called it survival.

Listen, when that bunch of bums
came over and wrote up our policies,

they said we had a special
deal so that when one of us d*ed,

the others would get the
annuity. Well, that was a crock.

A lawyer that Esther knew read
that contract. We had been stiffed.

The money stopped as
soon as any one of us d*ed.

We would have lost the house.
We would have lost everything.

So we decided to stiff them.

And we did.

And I'll be damned if I'm
going to apologize for it!

I've gotta go to the bathroom.

- Oh... The second door on the right.
- I don't believe this broad.

What do we do now?

Hey, old Mrs. Murphy just
didn't crawl up in the attic and die.

Oh, c'mon, she's
not going anywhere.

I got an idea.

Why doesn't Brill take her home, let
me do the autopsies, see what I find.

And then we'll decide.

Sure! Why not? I don't care.

You know this is the craziest
case I've ever worked on.

- Yeah but it's catching.
- What?

The craziness.

Here's the specimen
jar you wanted.

Re-hydrate this, will ya,
Sam? Get some tox screens.

Check them out under the
microscope for the record.

I doubt you're gonna
find any surprises.

- Lung cancer?
- No doubt about it.

See where there's shrinkage and
destruction of the lung from dr*gs?

See the nodulous
areas in here and here?

- Mmm-hmm.
- Metastatic cancer
right out of the textbook.

Guess is she smoked two
to three packs of cigarettes

every day for most of her life,

finally ended up k*lling her.

Is Mrs. Murphy ready?

Yeah, prepped and ready to go.

These mummification cases
are amazing, aren't they?

Admission is fifty cents.

Found in the garrets of an old house.
How long were they up there, 20 years?

That's right.

There's no chemical
preservatives

or embalming fluids of
any kind in the bodies?

- No.
- Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Because you know, I've heard
of this happening in Arizona,

in the burial caves of
ancient Indian tribes.

But mummification
in an attic is, uh,

unique in the realm of
forensic investigation.

Quincy? You're just...

working on the thorax?

- Yeah.
- Good, good, good...

I'll be back.

Trachea's been
removed from the neck.

There is evidence
of hemorrhage...

Para-lacerations of the
cervical muscular track.

The hyoid bone is fractured...

Something wrong?

The tongue is clamped
between the teeth...

And there are several
crescent-shaped scratches on the neck.

Yeah, Sam.

- Something is very wrong.
- Fingernail
marks on the neck...

Yeah... Here...

And here.

- Strangulation?
- Strangulation.

Now, if she struggled, there's
some matter under her nail, Sam.

It's been mummified just like she has.
We'd be lucky if we found out what it is.

Any bit of information helps.
Do what you can, will ya?

Okay.

Well?

Matilda Harris d*ed
from lung cancer.

And? What about the
other one? The blackmailer?

- m*rder.
- All right, that's it.

That's it for the cutes.

That's it for the crazies.
This cuts through all of that!

Oh, Quince! You're just in time.
Bernice is going to do her act.

- We've come for Ruth.
- What do you mean
you've come for Ruth?

Quincy, if you do anything to
hurt that marvelous lady, I swear...

I'll never...

Jenny. This isn't
anything innocent anymore

and it is not
charming, it's m*rder.

- I don't believe that!
- Well, you better believe it

because that's the
way it is. Let's go.

Ten more minutes, and
I could make a vice bust.

No, don't stop, don't stop.
It's great. Speed, go ahead.

Why would I lie?

You'll never make me believe it.

You told them yet?

- Mrs. Kaufman...
- Yeah.

I'm going to have to ask you to
come down to the police station.

But why?

I'm arresting her for the
m*rder of Ethel Murphy.

It's nonsense.

It isn't nonsense. Ethel
Murphy was m*rder*d.

Well, that's good! She
deserved it. But... But I didn't do it.

- We can talk about it
down at the station.
- Wait! Please...

Ruth had nothing to do
with k*lling Mrs. Murphy.

- Are you going to
tell me you did it?
- But I did.

Raymond, it isn't going
to work. It's just no use.

Now look, I can tell you, I'm
not merely trying to protect Ruth.

Oh, no, I can tell you
exactly how Mrs. Murphy d*ed.

Ruth and I, we've
loved each other forever.

I loved her then
and I love her now.

You see, Mrs. Murphy
was blackmailing Ruth.

She was bleeding her dry...
And I couldn't stand for that.

So, one evening I
went up to Ethel's room

and I confronted her.

Well, we...

We argued and I...

I hit her.

And then...

her head hit the bed frame.

I heard this awful cr*ck.

Well... I panicked.
I ran... I ran away,

and then when I came
back to do something,

I found the body was gone.

And that's when I guess

that Ruth had come into
the room and found the body.

Wait a minute!

I didn't find any body!

I always assumed you did.

We never talked
of it because I...

Well, I thought you
wanted to forget.

We didn't talk about it because
I didn't know anything about it.

Now, do you think that I would
put a bum like Ethel Murphy

with poor Matilda!

- But if you didn't, who did?
- Wait a second...

Hold on. Now,
one of you is lying.

Now, which one is it, huh?

Everything Raymond said about
his fight with Ethel Murphy is true.

It is?

You mean there was... There
was damage on her neck?

Exactly the kind that would
occur from what he described.

But you didn't k*ll her.

Somebody else came
into the room after you left.

You see, she didn't die
because of a broken neck...

Somebody strangled her.

- But who?
- Maybe by someone
who was being bled dry.

Someone who was trying to get out
from under and found the perfect way.

Somebody like Ruth.

Come on, Mrs. Kaufman, I
think I was right the first time.

I don't believe this place!

I've done it! I've done it!

Ruth, do you hear? My
smoke detector, it works!

- Wonderful, Max. I knew you could do it!
- Will you turn that thing off!

- It's tearing my ears out!
- I'm afraid I can't do that.

- Why not, dear?
- I forgot to figure out how.

Good morning, Chuck. You
ready for another big day?

Hiya, Sam. Quince
b*at you in again.

When doesn't he?

I'm not even going to ask
whether or not you slept last night.

I slept. I got in early because I
wanted to finish up on Mrs. Murphy.

Did you get back the
results of the material

that we found under
her fingernails?

Yeah, I finished that last night.
It was definitely human tissue,

and the analysis on the sex
chromosomes came back male.

But the most interesting thing is
that I found a high concentration

of intercellular
silver crystals.

- Silver crystals?
- Yeah.

After I re-hydrated the tissues,
I got it under the microscope

and found it loaded with
some small metallic granules.

So I checked it out under the
scanning electron microscope. Silver.

So whoever she
scratched was heavily

exposed to silver in the salt from
like silver oxide, silver nitrate, huh?

What about that
tox screen you ran?

Huh?

What's the matter?

- I didn't finish running it.
- Sam,
I told you to check it out.

Yeah, but I postponed it after you told
me you found out the cause of death.

Sam, I don't believe this!
What's the difference?

We always check everything...
Now, you know that.

God, I need those results.

Look, I had the tests
almost completed,

I can determine the
results in just a few minutes.

Well, get to them, I need them.

- Okay. I'm sorry...
- Just do it, huh?

Quincy...

Uh, you're not going to do
any further damage, are you?

- What do you mean, damage?
- Well, you've
determined the cause of death.

It was terrific
work... Terrific work.

There's no reason to make
any more incisions now, is there?

Just because I determined
the cause of death

doesn't mean that my
investigation is over.

Sam is finishing some tests now.

Tests? Chemical
tests? Not physical tests?

Yes, chemical! Will
you stop pushing?

- I feel like I'm
in a rodeo here!
- Look, Quincy... Quincy...

- You're shoving...
- Doctor Quincy.

- Uh-oh.
- You understand how important

the preservation of
scientific anomalies can be.

For research, for education...

- I knew it, here we go.
- Quincy... These bodies...

They're unique...

They're beautiful... They're
wonderful. They need to be preserved.

- Beautiful? And wonderful?
- All right,
you know what I mean.

- This is
a once-in-a-lifetime find.
- I'm not a curator!

I've already contacted the
museums, they are interested.

They're checking the legalities.

The only problem is Mrs.
Kaufman's permission.

And your incisions. Now,
you'll be careful, won't you?

Mrs. Kaufman's never
gonna give you her permission.

Yes, she will.

No, she isn't! Why should she?

When we explain that the Flying
Muldoon Sisters will live again!

- You save the...
- Excuse me.

He's sick.

- I think you ought to
take a look at this.
- What did you find?

Nothing that would overrule
suffocation as the cause of death.

But I did find a fairly high
concentration of thallium in her tissues.

- Thallium?
- Yeah.

Sam is right, there isn't enough
present to have caused her death.

Well, thank goodness for that.

Now maybe you can
leave the body alone.

We find poison in her system

and all you care about
is leaving the body alone.

I would like to know
how it got there!

Well, I think that's obvious. I
don't like saying it but it's obvious

that Mrs. Kaufman
was poisoning her.

Mrs. Murphy was
strangled to death!

Now, why would Ruth bother
with that if she was poisoning her?

What about Raymond?
He wanted to k*ll her.

That doesn't make
any sense, either.

If he was poisoning her,
why would he get mad at her?

- Why would he hit her?
- Yeah,
but from what you've told me,

- they're the only two
who had any motive.
- The only two we know about...

Uh-oh.

Brill told me you had to bring
her here. What's going on?

What can I tell you?

- Quincy, she's
almost eighty years old.
- Well, she's okay, isn't she?

Yeah, yeah, I guess.
Her doctor's in there now.

You know, I never would
have believed the difference.

Such a tough old gal. Then
all of a sudden this morning,

it just all went out of her. I
guess this has all been too much.

Let's hope this wasn't my
fault. What are you doing here?

We looked at Ethel
Murphy's body again.

We found a pretty high
concentration of thallium in her system.

Thallium? What's that?

It's a poison they use to k*ll rats.
Now, she didn't have enough to k*ll her.

So I figure if I talked to Ruth,
she might know how it got there.

I believe...

- Oh, Sid, how's she doing?
- Not too good, I'm afraid.

I hate to sound like a cliche,
but she's just about run out of gas.

- She's lost her will to live.
- Isn't there
anything you can do?

I try to give her medicine,
she says don't bother.

The nurses try to help,
she won't cooperate.

No, Quince, there's nothing
I can do. It's up to her.

You leave it to me. I'll have her
taking that medicine in no time.

Well, she better. Because
no time is about all she has.

I'll wait here.

Hey, Ruth, what's going on here?

Jail food so bad you had to play
sick so you can get outta there?

You know the doctor said
you weren't gonna fight back.

I said it'd never happen. The
Muldoon Sisters were fighters.

I'm too tired to fight.

I'm too tired for
anything anymore.

You've been fighting
for almost eighty years.

You're not going to
stop now, are you?

They're going to
take my house away.

Those annuity people,

they're going to file suit

and everything I've worked
for is going to be taken away.

Don't you understand that?

Besides, everyone thinks...

I'm a m*rder*r.

I don't.

Why not?

Because we found
poison in her system.

Not enough to k*ll her but
somebody gave it a very good try.

If it had been you, you would
have no reason to strangle her

because you would have known
that she would have been dead soon.

Now, is there anybody else
that really wanted her dead?

Anyone who ever came
into contact with that old hag.

Ethel was a

columnist, if you
could say that.

She was a muckraker.

And she didn't care who
she hurt in the process.

Can you think of
somebody in particular?

It was twenty years ago,

it's tough to remember.

Besides,

who cares?

Look,

let everyone think

that I did it, okay?

Anyway...

It's time for me

to join my sisters.

Oh, boy, that's terrific.

That's it, just lie there, Ruth,
and feel sorry for yourself.

Let me tell you something,

there are a lot of
people out there

who happen to think
you're a very special lady,

and I am one of them.

So whether you like it or not,

we're going to do
everything we can to help you.

Ruth told me that Ethel Murphy

was a columnist in a local
paper. I mean a real muckraker.

I figure if you went over all her old
columns, you might find someone

who had a strong enough
motive to want to poison her.

Okay, suppose I go to the
morgue of the local papers.

But what year should I
even begin to look in?

Sam and I figured out that the
poison had to have been administered

in small increments
over a nine month period.

So I would say any column
written over seventeen years ago.

Now, it's a lot of
work, but will you do it?

Of course I'll do it.

Uh...

Speed, you ready to
give me a hand with this?

For Ruth? Anything.

Oh, good. I gotta
get back to the lab.

Quincy...

What's that for? Well, you're
just as crazy as everybody else.

Well, you don't have to go
through the newspapers right away...

Aha, you did get the


- Yes, we got it.
- And the better walnut wood?

- Oh, yes, we got that too.
- You know,
I think we could use a few

yards of cut velvet on the
floor. Sam, is Doctor Quincy in?

No... But he'll be
back in a few minutes.

- Oh, fine. Gentlemen...
- Thank you.

And you solved the desiccation unit
problem to maintain the proper drying?

- Yes, at long last.
- Well... I, uh... I guess that's it.

- That's it.
- No, no, no, no...

You forgot the
little silver plaque.

Plaque?

Yes, you know, the usual,

donated by the Chief Deputy
Coroner, Robert J. Astin.

Uh, you know, Doctor, I don't
think that cut velvet is going to work.

We... We could get some extra
equipment to solve that problem.

I think there's going
to be another problem.

Doctor Quincy. This is Mr. Jorgenson
and Mr. Ferrar from the museum.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Mr. Ferrar, this is...

What other problem?

Well, I talked to Mrs. Kaufman,
and I'm going to investigate.

Ah, excuse us,
gentlemen, for just a minute.

What problem? Now, don't
tell me you've gone and ruined...

I'm going to advise her not to
cooperate. There will be no silver plaque.

Why would you do that to me?

Because she does
everything for everybody else.

She gets in a little financial
difficulty, nobody does anything for her.

Wait, wait, wait...
What financial difficulty?

A long time ago,
she and the other

Muldoon Sisters were
cheated by an annuity company.

- They were lied to.
- Aha.

Well, to get the money that was
coming to them and that they needed,

they had to cheat
the annuity company.

Well, I'm sure no more than
the company cheated them.

That's right. But now the
annuity company is going to sue,

take away her
house and everything.

- You're kidding?
- No.

Take away her house?

- That's right.
- That's outrageous.

Well, so I'm gonna tell her not to
cooperate with you or the museum...

Unless she could find somebody who
knew somebody high in the city government

who knew somebody on the
finance regulatory board, you see.

Quincy, you don't have to say
another word! Take away her house?

Uh, gentlemen, come on in
here... I'll show you the bodies.

- Yeah?
- Quincy?

Hi, Jenny. What'd you find?

Oh, plenty. Boy, was
there a lot to go through.

Listen, I think we found out what you
wanted. Can you go over it all with me?

Oh, you bet I can. I love you,
honey, I'll meet you at the house.

Bye-bye.

Plaque!

You were right about that
woman being a muckraker.

I mean, that woman
was absolutely vicious.

Now, there was a series
of 10 columns, okay?

Now, this is the one
that really stood out.

Now, four days after
this last column appeared,

the man she wrote it
about committed su1c1de.

Doctor Herman Strickner.
He was a college professor?

Right. Didn't four students really
die in one of his experiments?

Yes. But now take a
look at the attached article.

Now, you see this is written by a
reporter after Strickner committed su1c1de.

Now, four boys did die,

but Strickner didn't have
anything to do with it.

There was some canisters of gas

that were delivered with
the wrong labels on it,

but he didn't know that,
he couldn't have known.

But he was ruined anyway.

Now, it says here Strickner
had a brother in the university.

Both were full professors of chemistry.
Herman and Wilhelm Strickner...

I bet they both
worked with silver salts.

What?

Where is everybody?

They're all out
visiting Ruth. Why?

You think she would mind
if I looked around a little?

Heavens, no.

You think you know who did it?

I think I do.

I didn't know I had a visitor.

Oh, I'm sorry... I
hope you don't mind.

I wanted to talk to you,
and your door was open...

Not at all. I have nothing
of value, nothing to hide.

A lot of people I know
do have something to hide.

And try very, very
hard to hide it.

I heard you went to
see Ruth. How is she?

Ruth was always
such a strong woman.

But to see her now,
the way she's given up...

I can't tell you how
much that hurts...

Well, I usually take tea at
this time of the afternoon.

It's one of the few
pleasures left this old man.

- Would you care to join me?
- I'd love to. Thank you.

You know, it's strange that
a professor of ancient history

would have so many
books on organic

chemistry and biology
and the life sciences.

I didn't see one book
there on ancient history.

That's a fact you wouldn't have stumbled
onto if you hadn't broken into my room.

Touche.

These books were of some
use to me, many years ago.

Trying to find a
cure for argyria?

Argyria?

Yeah, that's a disease resulting
from repeated exposure to silver salts.

Not uncommon with people
who work with silver chemistry.

It leaves a gray pallor to
the skin, not unlike yours.

I see.

That's very interesting.

Do you know that if I took a bit of
skin from someone who had argyria

and I put it under
someone's fingernail

for about eighteen years,
or until it mummified,

and when I examined it, I
could tell it came from somebody

who had argyria.

Oh, that's absurd.

You'd be fortunate to determine
what it was, let alone the silver content.

It's not absurd.

You'd be amazed at the advances
we've made in forensic sciences

during the past 20 years.

You should have stayed
with us, Professor Strickner.

I beg your pardon?

I said, Strickner.

Wilhelm Strickner,
Professor of Science.

Not Wilhelm Sachs,
Professor of Ancient History.

I see.

Well, is changing one's
name now a crime?

No... But m*rder is.

Is what?

A crime.

Raymond told me
about the tete-a-tetes

you had with Mrs. Murphy
every night at tea time.

Is that when you
gave her the poison?

My brother

was a warm man,

a giving man.

He was the most valuable
human being I've ever known.

- What are you doing?
- Packing.

You're not running out?

You say you care
that Ruth is giving up

and you're going to
leave her holding the bag.

Oh, boy, would I be
lousy on What's My Line?

Because I had you pegged a ll wrong.
All right, you did a terrible thing once.

But you did it out
of grief and anger.

I don't have enough evidence to
arrest you, but I didn't think I needed it.

I thought you're a man with
dignity and integrity and loyalty.

After all she has done for
you and all she has given you.

The kindness that she has done!

I can't...

What are you doing here?

Well, there was a message
that the professor here

has got a confession.

He'll be right with you.

Right.

I'm sorry, sir.

I don't know how
high up you went

on the finance regulatory board,

but the annuity company
is calling off everything

and they're even gonna
let her keep the house.

Well, when I heard
how those thieves

took advantage of Ruth, I just
didn't leave any stone unturned.

And Ruth letting you display the
Muldoon Sisters didn't hurt either.

I wish the Professor could
be here for Ruth's party.

You know, he only did what
he did to protect Ruth and me.

He told me that that old
bat Murphy was so mad

when she came
to after I hit her,

that she was determined to see me
behind bars and report Ruth for fraud.

Make way for some Italian food
mixed with some Italian humor.

- Here it is.
- Oh, Danny. Thank you.

In your company there is
no other word but beautiful.

And now for the spirits!

What spirits? That's only water.

To you it's only water.

Watch.

Instant beer.

How did I know that
this was gonna happen?

Hi!