05x13 - Outside the Box

[bunniefuu]

Hey, could you order more antifreeze?

I'm still eating and you ask me about work?

That means I can write off my entire lunch. Nice!

That's what she said.

What?

It's a joke. You know, somebody says somethin' and then you say,

"That's what she said."

Yeah, but you're supposed to say that after

somethin' that, uh, can be an double entendre.

Yeah. I know that.

I'm going back to The Ruby to get a receipt.

That's what she said.

You don't know what a double entendre means, do ya?

Hey, Brent, your nozzle's stuck in my gas t*nk.

It's too big. I can't get it out.

What?

I don't think she'd say that. Doesn't sound like her.

You're completely clueless.

That's what she said.

♪ You can tell me that your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot goin' on ♪♪

I find that after work I am just so happy

to get home and sit down.

Me too.

Well, I mean when I'm done my work at home,

I'm just happy to have it finished and still be at home.

Have you always worked in the home,

been-been a homemaker, you know, at home,

makin' it homey?

I think what Lacey's trying to say is,

have you ever had a job?

Well, I raised Brent. That's work.

Yeah, that must have been a handful,

him just sitting there

and lying there. Eating things.

I'm sure it was hard.

What's with the jacket? You goin' to a funeral?

[laughs]

Actually, I am going to a funeral, Jed Neely's.

You knew Jed Neely?

Oh, yeah.

Good friend.

Really? Jed Neely?

I can stay at work if ya like, but I just think

it would look good if someone from the gas station was there.

He was a customer,

bought a lotta gas.

Yeah, well, I-I guess that's probably--

Oh, I didn't even think. You should be going.

Hug the crying relatives, take a peek in the casket.

Oh, no, no. You know, you're dressed, you go.

I'll stay here, pump gas for the non-crying customers

who are still alive. Okay.

"Call centre now"?

If you flip it over, it says, "Not tomorrow."

Couldn't fit it all on.

Aren't ya gonna wear it?

[scoffs] No.

I mean sure.

I'm hoping all municipal employees can help spread

the word about bringing a call centre to Dog River.

You wanna make us dog centre?

That's the worst idea I've ever heard.

That's the worst idea you misheard.

He wants to bring a call centre here.

Oh, sorry. Call centre?

That's the second worst idea I've ever heard.

What have you got against a call centre?

Hey, uh, is this the peanut butter hotline?

Uh, I got a question.

OPERATOR: For assistance, press one for the second option.

To hear all options, press the pound key.

We're sorry, that is not an option.

To hear all options again--

We're sorry, that--

We're sorry--

We're-- We're- We're sorry-

What's the pound key?

What's the pound key!

What's the pound key!

What's the pound key?

The number sign.

Oh. Well, why don't they just say that, then?

Thank you so much for coming.

Corner Gas sends its condolences.

Jeff was one of our favourite customers.

Very sad.

Ooo.

What are you doin' here?

I came here to pay my respects.

You knew Jed? Yeah, of course.

We played softball together.

He's been in a wheelchair for the last years.

That's why we called him Wheelie.

You didn't know Jed. You're just here for the sandwiches.

I came here so I didn't have to work.

The sandwiches are a nice bonus.

I am so glad you came.

You said you weren't sure whether it was police related or not.

I need help moving my dresser.

Yeah, that's not police related.

Yeah, I kinda thought so. But now that you're here.

Fine.

What's in the box?

I'm gonna take it downstairs with the rest of the junk.

You haven't unpacked it yet? After five years?

No. I have nowhere to put that stuff.

Do you want me to open it?

No. Just leave it. If I open it, I have to figure out

where to put everything and I don't want to.

Let's open it.

Forget about the box and help me move the dresser.

It's not that heavy.

This call centre is a big operation.

Do you have any experience?

I raised Brent.

Well, you keep saying that.

I've been on committees, I helped run the gas station.

Well, not really.

I did the books, I made sure there was inventory.

Gimme the job or I'll come in here every day

and make your life a living hell.

Your forcefulness could be an asset.

Welcome aboard.

Oh.

This call centre's bad news.

Fitzy's gonna blow all this money on infrastructure

and the police budget's gonna take the hit,

and then bye-bye cop boat.

Where are you gonna use a cop boat?

On the river. What river?

Dog River. There's a river?

I gotta stop this call centre.

Count me in.

I was afraid you were gonna say that.

It's really none of your business.

So you're telling me you see a box

and you're not thinking what's in it?

There's a box over there I'm not thinkin' what's in it.

That's because you know what's in it.

She has no idea what's in it, and it's hers.

It's probably just some old junk.

That's what she said.

Wow, you guys really don't get how to do that joke.

What joke?

Look, I have a theory of what's in there.

Another box, that's your theory?

Then what's inside that box?

I don't have a theory for that box yet.

What's your theory, then?

A fully cooked turkey on a platter?

What, there's rules to the box?

I just did three blocks.

There aren't a lotta people home.

This door-to-door thing is tiring.

There's gotta be an easier way to petition against the call centre.

That might be illegal.

I was thinkin' we go through the phone book and call them.

Okay, we'll try your way first.

Nice jacket.

Goin' to a job interview?

Actually, I have a job. What?

Who's gonna raise Brent?

Sorry, I'm a working woman now.

I have a job with the town to bring a call centre to Dog River.

Who's gonna make my lunch?

You are.

Now that I'm working, there's gonna be more stuff for you to do around the house.

Can't.

I just remembered, I got a funeral to go to.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Dead people, sandwiches, me.

I work alone.

I mean I skip work alone.

I want a piece of the action.

Otherwise I've gotta make my own sandwiches.

Did someone say sandwiches?

No.

My friend d*ed and, uh, Wanda knows him too.

So we're driving to the funeral together

and I was gonna grab a sandwich, but there might be food there.

I can stay here and you can go stare at a dead guy.

No, you go.

Oh, hey, how are ya?

Good.

Busy, you know, juggling work and family.

[chuckles] Yes, okay.

Working at home is work, but honestly--

No, I'm working outside the home.

I know. You have your little garden and it's very nice.

Look, I'll try to be more clear

and you can try to be less patronizing.

Fitzy has hired me to be community liaison officer

for the call centre.

Wow. Really? That's great. Congrats.

So, can I sign you up for support?

No.

But congrats.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Hello, I'm with the committee to stop a call centre coming to Dog River--

actually, I'm one of the cofounders.

Hank, I know who you are, but I'm busy right now.

Then can I please speak with the man of the house?

This is great.

Never say "This is great" at a funeral.

Oh, right. Keep it on the q-t.

Yep, we really knew him well.

And it's sad when people die.

Don't say anything. You're right.

Let's eat.

Have a clue.

Never remove the plastic before the grieving's finished.

Okay, okay.

You get busted, I never met you.

Da-da-du-da-da.

Always go for ham and cheese first.

Otherwise you get stuck with egg salad.

I've really got a lot to learn from you.

No thumbs up at a funeral.

If you're stuck for something to do,

just look down mournfully at your shoes.

But I like my shoes.

Karen sure is nosey.

Why does she care what's in that box?

Some people have no lives of their own.

They have to live vicariously through others.

I think it's sad.

I agree. You know what would be funny, and not sad, is if you told me.

That way you and I would know and Karen would have no idea. I'm not telling you either.

You're missin' the point. It's funny if I know and Karen doesn't.

Now you're being nosey. Why do you care so much?

I don't. Karen's the nosey one.

Let's show her how nosey she's being by telling me what's in the box. No.

She won't budge. Probably put off by your nosiness.

What is she hiding?

This is gonna sound weird,

but I think we should break into Lacey's house

and open up that box of hers.

Yeah, that does sound weird.

Well, it wouldn't be breaking in.

She did invite me, the other day.

That's the rule for vampires, not cops.

Look, before you do anything hasty,

I've got one more idea.

We just wanted to apologize for being nosey.

Actually, she wanted to apologize about being nosey.

I'm just here for support and to carry this box.

That's nice.

It turns out we're not so different, you and me.

I also have an unpacked box, just like yours, at my place.

I see that.

It's heavy. I'm gonna set it down over here.

You can open mine if you like.

No. But thank you, I appreciate that.

Well, we should get going.

Here, let me get your box. No, no, that's okay.

Oh, no.

Which one is it? They're identical.

It's that one.

Or is it this one?

Or, no, maybe it was-- maybe it was this one.

You know what, I'm just gonna keep shuffling

and then maybe I'll figure it out.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Hello. This is Davis Quinton.

I'm calling for the Dog River coalition against call centres.

Davis, I'm just on my way back to work.

[laughs] Come on, Emma, you don't work.

This will only take a second. I have a job at the call centre.

Hey, me too. I'm calling people to stop it from coming.

No, I want it to come here.

Oh, so you can get a job.

I have a job.

Right.

I'll put you down against call centres. Thank you.

I'm sorry. I think I might have made it worse.

But I'm not going to open it, because that would be nosey, right, Karen?

Right.

That's okay, I know which one it is.

Thanks for stoppin' by.

Are you sure we got the right box?

She mixed them up pretty good.

Part of being a cop is having excellent observational skills.

She didn't fool me with her little shell game.

[sighs]

Socks?

Why would somebody be secretive about socks?

Those are my socks.

Geez, you were right to be nosey.

Worst funeral ever.

I'm never going to one of Henry's funerals again.

You almost got us kicked out.

So much to learn.

So, when's the next one?

Aw, you know what?

There's no more funerals on the horizon.

It's back to work.

No. We got a good thing goin' here.

It's over. Some people d*ed and we had a few laughs, and snacks.

Now it's time to move on.

No. We can keep this going.

We just have to think outside the box.

There's more than just funerals.

To the birthday boy!

[cheering]

Well, well, well. I knew ya couldn't resist.

It's my kid's birthday party.

You crashed your own kid's party?

No. And I don't remember putting "crazy old man"

on the invite list.

Well, your sandwiches are stale.

I didn't make 'em. They're from the funeral.

Now you're goin' to a funeral? People are droppin' like flies.

No, I'm dressed for work. I have a job.

O-kay? I do.

But I don't want you to feel neglected

because you have a working mom.

I know some of your other friends' moms don't work.

I could go for a few hours of neglect right about now.

I want you to sign this petition in support for--

[cell phone ringing] Hang on.

Hello?

Hey, Brent. I'm callin' for the Dog River coalition against the call centre.

Hank's thing?

We're cofounders. Actually, it's more my thing.

Can we count on your support?

I'll think about it. Do you want Dog River to be associated with call centres?

I don't know. Can I just-- People don't like to be pestered on the phone, Brent.

I can't imagine. Now I-I should go.

They really don't like it. I'm going to hang up now.

One more thing. Would you say the quality of this call

was somewhat satisfactory, very satisfactory, or extremely satisfactory?

Do you have a thing that's opposite to that?

I'll put you down for extremely. See ya.

Sorry, Mom. Now, what is this about?

[phone ringing] Hang on.

Corner Gas.

Hello. I'm with the committee to stop a call centre. Davis called me already.

Did you call Brent? Yeah, just now.

He's on my list. Oh, you were calling his work.

I was calling his cell phone.

[chuckles]

Uh, sorry for the mix-up, sir.

Before I let you go, could I just ask,

did you find this call somewhat satisfactory--

He hung up.

Put him down as a yes.

Anyway, just sign here.

I don't think I can.

This call centre seems like a really bad idea.

I would say somewhat satisfactory.

Okay, bye, Hank.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

There's no pleasant way to say this,

but I think someone's been crashing the funerals around here.

Really?

Yes.

Well, you would know. You're at almost all of them.

Do you have any idea who?

I don't want to mention any names.

But let's just say it's Oscar, Oscar Leroy.

Keep an eye out.

He stuffs his pockets with food.

That's terrible.

Yeah.

I saw him fill his hat with soup once.

Well--

I want to warn ya. Fitzy's grandmother's on to us.,

Us?

Somebody musta blabbed.

Luckily I ditched my pocket sandwiches.

Oh, no.

Oh, right, look at our shoes. Gotcha.

It's not a break-in if you have a warrant.

So this is a break-in?

We wouldn't be here if you just grabbed the right box in the first place.

Ooo, it's Lacey! Cheese it!

Hello?

Hello?

[phone ringing]

Hello. Coalition against the call centre.

Cofounder Hank speakin'.

Hank? Look, I need to speak with Davis or Karen.

Someone just broke into my house.

Oh, I'm sorry, no police emergencies on this line.

Call centre business only. Thank you.

You have got to stop givin' out this number.

Well, there's nothin' I can do.

I think it's on the side of the car.

Hi, Wanda.

I hate to do this, but... could you empty your purse?

I have never been so insulted.

But since I have nothing to hide--

Now if you'll excuse me.

That's looks like egg salad.

It does, doesn't it?

Ah-ha.

Oscar put it there.

Oscar's mourning.

He's staring at his shoes. I taught him that.

Lacey! Did you call the police?

Yes. But Hank said that--

Got the call and I just apprehended the trespasser outside.

Lucky for you all he took was this box.

Hmm.

I just happened to be walking by.

And then he escaped.

Well, I'll see ya later. Uh-uh.

Were you trying to steal that?

No.

Okay, yes. But it wasn't just me. Brent was in on it too.

Oh, hey.

Yeah, I-I know this looks bad.

But I have a reasonable explanation that hasn't come to me yet.

Oh, you two are pathetic. Do you know that?

I dropped my keys last time I was here.

I said a reasonable explanation, not good.

Oh! You know what? Fine. I don't even care anymore.

I'll open the box.

Well, if that's what you think is best.

Now people think I'm connected to you.

Someone just threw a bun at my head.

We're gettin' through to people.

No, you're just annoying people, which makes my job harder.

You really have a job at the call centre?

No, she doesn't. I'm cancelling the call centre.

What about my career?

I don't know how you can stand there and be for this call centre.

You hired me.

Before I realized how annoying call centres can be.

Hank and Davis really opened my eyes.

Well, we do what we can.

And because of you,

I recommended they take their stupid call centre to Wullerton.

[spitting]

I wonder if they're hiring.

"Peace on earth," is all it said.

So it's just full of Christmas decorations?

No, all my Christmas decorations are already unpacked.

These aren't mine.

ANGUS: We've been asking n the bo?

Because it's none of your business.

This might not be my box.

♪ I don't know the same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just don't know ♪♪