02x05 - You're Driving Me Crazy

[bunniefuu]

[waves crashing]

[music]

There it was just anotherstop signal on a street corner.

No reason to suspect it wasgoing to set our lives off on a

tangent that was as frighteningand senseless as a nightmare

[car accident]

Are you alright, dear?

This would happen?

[car door closing]

It won't hold us up long. I'm surethere wasn't any damage done.

How do you get thatnoise not damage done?

Not to your car,maybe, but look at mine.

Take a look at that fender.

How can you tell? All yourfenders are so banged up

Oh, so that's it.

Now I suppose you'll tell meyour signal before you stop.

I did signal. If your brakes athell, this wouldn't have happened.

Just because I got anold car and you got a

new one, why do mybrakes are to blame?

Look, I don't want toargue. I'm taking my

wife home from thehospital. I'm in a hurry, so.

I'll say you're in ahurry driving like that.

So I'll give you myinsurance agents card.

Oh, I see. You don't wantto be bothered no more.

Now, listen.

I write my own name andphone number on the back.

How will good that'lldo to my fender?

Jeff, what's taking so long?

It's nothing, dear.

Nothing? He says.Nothing. My fenders grumble

up like an accordiand to him it's nothing.

Look Mr.

You had plenty of time to stop,so why do you blame my husband?

Because it was hisfault. It was all his fault.

-It's the craziest thing I ever hear- lady,

-It's absolutely crazy.-Lady?

Well, what?

You shouldn't have said that, lady.

I don't like to be called That.

Oh, she didn't meananything. Come on.

If you didn't meananything, why did you say?

It's an expression, that's all.

Besides, my wife isn't herselfat the moment. She's just

out of the hospital after avery bad automobile accident.

I'm better all this is anaccident if you was driving.

No, her mother was drivingand she was k*lled.

I'm sorry, dear. I was only

-trying to make him understand.-It's alright.

You stop trying toput it through a ringer.

She had no right to call me

that.

I don't feel good, Jeff.

Can we go?

Oh, of course, dear.

[cars door opening]

You'll be hearingfrom me. Mr. Bertch.

[car started]

[door opening]

There you are, baby.

Ah.

Oh.

Home.

Home, blessed home.

You know, Jeff,

I feel better already.

-Yeah, I'm glad.-Yeah.

Let me take your coat.

Thanks.

It's only riding in a carthat seems to upset you.

A little pampering,you'll soon get over that.

I'm afraid I've got toomuch pampering already.

You know that weirdcharacter didn't help any.

He wasn't one forthe books I'll eat my hat.

Well, that he was.

[telephone ringing] Honey, honey.

What? I'm sorry.

That creep seems to make me

more nervous than I realized.

No, no no.

I'll get it.

-I'll get it.-All right,

I'll put your things away.

[picking up telephone]

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? [call disconnects]

Wrong number?

Whoever it was hung up.

That's probably one of those babesI was dating when you were in the

-hospital.-Oh.

I told them to hangup if a woman answered.

Oh, you did, did you?

Did I happen to mention you the

handsome intern who brought meflowers every day while I was there?

Well, you just happenedto mention at least

three times duringevery visiting hour.

That's good, because I intend to.

Like cup of tea?

-Yeah, It would be very nice.-I'll put the kettle.

Jeff.

Wait a minute. I'll do it.

No, no no. No, no.You just sit down relax.

Oh, Jeff really.

[music]

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Who's that?

Hung up. Same as before.

That's probably somekid trying to be smart.

Yeah.

[putting down telephone]

Probably.

[telephone ringing]

-Yeah.-Wait, I'll get

-I listen you.-Yes.

I beg your pardon I thought itwas the same party was calling and

hanging up.

Yes it is .

It is?

Remember I said you'dbe hearing from me?

Who is it?

It's just a client of mine,honey. I left my file

in the bedroom. Wouldyou get it for me, please?

Jeff?

He's that man, isn't it?

The crank?

Yeah.

Frankly, he's a real crank.

Now, listen, if you'll just getin touch with my insurance

man and tell him how muchit'll cost to fix your fender.

You can't buy me off, Mr. Bertch.Not after what your wife said.

But I told you my wifehas been through a terrible

ordeal and annoying as thisway only said. [call disconnects]

[putting down telephone]

That look on hisface. I can still see it.

[telephone ringing]

No, let it ring.

Let it ring.

Let it ring, Jeff.

[picks receiver and keeps on side]

I knew I shouldn't havebrought you home so soon.

Please, darling, please. Let'snot go with that again, shall we?

I'm completely recovered fromthe accident. Even the doctor said

Yes, physically recovered, sure

Honey, I know how toughthis has been for you.

Inside you...

Please. Please, Jeff, I know I'llget better here with you at home.

I know I will.

All right, baby, all right.

Just that this characterseems to have set you so

Oh, well.

He'll soon get tired ofpestering it. Don't don't worry.

In the meantime, I'm not goingto let him get under my skin

No, dear don't.

Of course I won't.

There, Jeff. Now just look at that.

Not so much as adrummer. [Kettle whistle]

[screaming] Honey,honey, honey, honey.

It's only the kettle

The whistling tea kettle.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

[music] [telephone rings]

Hello?

Hello? [call disconnects]

[puting down telephone]

I'm glad that happenedwhile you were here, Sergeant.

Unfortunately, for businessreasons, I can't always leave

the phone off the hook. Soyou can see we're up against

It's been going on forthree days, you say?

Three days and nights.

Sort of hurt on thenerves, I imagine.

Yes, it is.

I could kick myselffrom here to the bed for

not having writtendown his license number.

Sergeant.

Is there anythingthat can be done?

I used to work for the telecomcompany before I was married and

I remember it wasdifficult to trace the call.

Well, in the movies, ofcourse, they do it just like that.

But the city thesize of this one day

there's so many exchangesthat it seldom ever works out.

Unless, of course, wehappen to get a lucky break

sooner or later, though we always

managed to catchup with these cranks

Sooner or later.

Jeff.

Sergeant,

my husband has a mistakenidea that I'm some sort of afraid

little doll, that I'm liable tocrack up, at least pressure.

I'll get this one.

Hello?

Hello?

This is sergeantSanders of Homicide.

Homicide, huh?

Ain't that scary?

It may interest youto know that

a telephone threatconstitutes a felony

and as such is thebusiness of homicide.

-I'm warning you to stop---[call disconnects]

[putting down telephone]

Well, if he is just another crank,the knowledge that the police have

been brought in will probably

frighten him morethan he's admitting.

In that case, he'll be leavingyou alone from now on.

[telephone rings]

Hello? [calls disconnects]

[music]

So he isn't just a crank.

Thanks to Sergeant Sanders, wewere given a new phone number.

And with it came thirty sixhours of peace and quiet.

Mary improved somuch that she was able to

discuss taking a spinwith me in the car next day.

And without sufferingthe cold chills, it usually

accompanied the meremention of automobiles.

[telephone rings]

Jeff he's got it. Thenew number. He's got it.

Honey, that'sonly the door bell.

Oh.

Who in heaven's name will becoming here at this time of night.

Only one way to find it.

[door bell ringing] Coming.

[door bell ringing] Coming.

You Mr. Bertch?

-Yeah I'm Jeff Bertch.-Good.

What do you want?

Want?

You rouse a guy out of a sound sleepand then ask him what he wants.

Who are you?

A plumber, who do you call when youhave a busted water pipe?

A tree surgeon?

I didn't call any plumber.

-You didn't?-No.

Well, he said his name wasBertch and gave me this address,

said the rush ride overwas an emergency.

-Say I don't get it.-I'm afraid I do?

Oh, no honey.

Don't go jump into conclusion.

Well, who else willbe behind it but him?

Him?

Who's him?

This is very likely a simpleevery day mistake. One of those,

similar names,similar addresses.

Happens to you allthe time, doesn't it?

Not all the time, butsometimes, maybe.

See, what did I tell you.

I beg your pardon. Here Mr. Bertch.

No that's him.

I'm awfully sorry, butthe door was open,

so I took the libertyof walking right in.

Who are you?

Me? I am the funeraldirector you called.

[music]

It's another simpleeveryday mistake, Jeff?

But what is he up to?What's the big game?

What? Don't you see?

He wants to drive me out of my mind.

[music]

Well, it, it was myhusband's idea that the man,

the one who'sbeen tormenting us,

was watching fromsomeplace in obscenity

And so when Mr. Steinhofhere volunteered to stay with

me until you arrived, Jeffwent outside to look around.

Since he hasn't come back yet,I guess he didn't find anything.

Your husband should haverealized that a squad car would

be here within a few minutesafter he called headquarters

He did, Sergeant.

But he also realizedthat a few minutes would

be enough time forthat man to get away.

Why are you going to somuch trouble, Mr. Steinhof?

Well, a fella getsroused out of a sound

sleep, you don'ttake to it too kindly.

Anything I could do to helpnab the joker, I was glad to do it.

We appreciate your cooperation.

Now, it's

time, I think, you weregetting back to bed.

Sure.

-Good night Mrs. Bertch.-Good night.

-Good night, Mrs. Panel.-Pleasure.

Yeah, thanks for everything.

[door closing]

You think Jeff is wrong?

Think the man wasn'twatching the house?

As a matter of fact, Mrs.Bertch, is my own opinion

that your husband hadit begged exactly right.

Yet there are some thingsbetter left to the police.

It's safer.

Safe?

Oh.

Oh, no, Sergeant. I'veseen that man. He's a

little, tiny fella. He'snot half as big as Jeff.

You know, my husband was theintercollegeaue wrestling champ.

Oh.

Surely you don't believe thatnonsense about psychopaths

being capable of enormous actsof strength, do you? I mean it's...

It is nonsense.

Isn't it?

It isn't nonsense, Mrs. Bertch.

[door bell ringing]

It's Jeff.

It's Jeff.

[door opening] Oh.

I'm from the squad car.Mrs. Bertch. Is there...

Oh, Sergeant.

I found this in the alley out back.One of the neighbors stuck his head

out the window tosay that he heard

sounds of a scufflea little while ago.

Have you ever seenthis before mrs bertch?

[music]

Yes.

It's my husband's fountain pen.

[music]

Thanks for the emergency call power.

[door closing]

The other phone's been installedin your bedroom now, Mrs. Bertch.

Thank you.

Why don't you go inthere and get some rest?

No, thank you.

Well, have a good cry, thenchop your head off. Anything.

It's not good to keep your feelingsall bottled up the way you're doing.

I can't do anything.

That's the last when he calls.

Maybe he won't call.

Oh, he'll call.

Sooner or later he'll find a newnumber of my husband's work.

He'll call.

[music]

Sure you won't havesome more coffee?

My opinion it's anycomfort, Mr. Bertch, I feel

reasonably sure thatyour husband is still alive.

I hope you're right, sergeant.

No blood in the alley. From theway this fellow has been acting up

to now, I hardly think he's thetype to go dragging around a body.

I'm sorry.

It's all right, noneed to apologize.

[telephone ringing]

Remember now, if that'shim, just nod your head.

Hello.

Hello, yourself, Mrs. Bertch.

Keep him on that linejust as long as you can.

Who is this?

Oh, you like to play games?

How do you like thegame I'm playing?

My husband?

He doesn't like the game at all.

I guess he's afraid it'll drive you.

You know.

Listen.

Listen Mr., it already has.

You just saying that, Mrs. Bertch?

No. No, not really. It already has.

Nah, You're just saying that now.

But it'll be true later.

Where'd you feel it, Mrs Bertch.

The straight-jacket squeezingin like the skin on a grape

Go, go on tell me more.

In the hot baths,

You won't like them,no more than I did

You just lie there, helpless.

Like your strength floatsaway with the steam.

Go on.

No, no Mrs. Bertch. Youwant to keep me on the

phone long enoughto have the call traced.

No, no. Of course I don't.Listen, Mr. please,

just let my husband go. I'llwill give you anything

you want, any amountof money you want.

What would I do with money?

Buy a new car so somebodylike your husband could

scratch it up? And thenhave people like you call me

What you did.

No, thanks.

Look, I'm

I'm awfully sorryfor what I called you.

I'm awful sorry.Honest Mr. honest I am.

No.

Please, Mr. listen to me, please.

No. [call disconnects]

[music]

[cries]

Good luck, Mrs. Bertch.

Every exchange in thecity was cooperating with us.

And to top it all off, we gotjust the break we needed.

Wait a minute. I'll get my coat.

Where do you think you're going?

I am going with you, of course.

This is police business.

I've got to go with you.

Don't you see? I'm the onlyone who can identify that man.

Look Mrs. Bertch.

I'm taking my car.As I understand it,

automobiles playhob with your nerves.

My husband's life is indanger. I'm going with you.

Alright. Let's go.

[music]

We got him, Sergeant. Where is he?

In his livingquarters in the back,

putting on somepants. Smitties with him

You can come in now, Mrs. Bertch.

Where is he? Where's my husband?

Haven't located him yet,ma'am. Don't worry. This

guy will talk when we gethim down to headquarters.

Mr. Steinhof.

What's going on here Mrs. Bertch?

This is turning out one of themost aggravating nights of my life.

You know him?

That's the plumber whocame over at the Bertch

house on a phonyerrand earlier tonight.

You got no right to comeroaring down on me at this hour.

Why don't you sit down, Mrs. Bertch?

Oh, yes.

Have you used thisin the last half hour?

Not since the call that sent me tothe Bertch house. He said there was

Anybody else lives here?

No only me.

Less than ten minutes ago somebodyrang Mrs bertch from this number.

Well, that's crazy.

Unless somebody sneaked in herewhile I was asleep and used the phone.

That's the way it could havehappened, don't you think?

No, I don't.

Mr. Steinhof, pleasetell us the truth.

I am telling, but he won'tbelieve me. Mrs. Bertch.

Is that all whatyou have to say?

What else?

Take him in the cave.

I'm not lying,Mrs. Bertch. By all

this holy, I'm notlying. Mrs. Bertch.

[door closing]

He

he could be telling the truth.

Sure, it could be.Doesn't make any sense.

Why would a guy slip into this

particular house tomake a phone call?

Hmm.

Why would this particularplumber come to your

house to fix a bustedpipe that isn't busted?

It must be some connectionbetween the two of them.

Yeah.

When I worked for the phone companysometimes we had trouble with non

subscribers who.

Who cut in onother people's lines.

you mean from the outside?

Could that be possible in this case?

Possible.

Very difficult.

besides it just step down ifanybody caught tapping with a

telephone line.

Well, would that matter tothe man we're dealing with?

No.

No, I guess not.

Then maybe, maybeMr. Steinhof is telling the truth.

Maybe he has beencutting it on his line.

As a matter of fact,when we came in, I

noticed a little shedjust over that fence.

That's right. So did I.

The guy who is livingin there, he's certainly

close enough totap in on this line.

I know the number I can dialto make that phone ring back.

If he hears it he's boundto pick up the receiver

Shall I try to keep him busytill you see if he is in this hack?

Just give me time toget across that fence.

[door opening]

Count of slow ten.

,,,,

,,,

, ,.

[music]

[telephone ringing]

You're listening in, aren't you?

Mr.

You don't have to pretendanymore because I know you are.

And I know just how you did it.

I think you are very clever.

I think you're very clever indeed.

Mr.

Let me tell yousomething Mrs. Bertch.

Your husband's right here onthis cot. Doped. Sound asleep.

If there's any funnybusiness going on he's

never going to wakeup. I'm warning you.

You don't have to warn me.

I know...[caraccident] [screaming]

Jeff. Jeff.

Hello, hello? [crying]

Sergeant. Hello, please, hello?

Mrs. Bertch. Thisis Sergeant Sanders.

He's got a g*n.

I'm winged back.

I recognized him.

An escape maniacon his way over there.

Run Mrs. Bertch run.

-Yeah.-Run.

Yeah.

Jeff.

Run.

Run.

[lights off] [screaming]

Better this way.

Crazy? Maybe, Mrs. Bertch.

This is even more than I hope for.

I get to see you going.

Like you said I was.

Everyday getting filmy, Mrs. Bertch?

Now you see whatit's like Mrs. Birch.

Living in a bad dreamthat nobody else can share.

[fell unconscious]

Maybe you and I can share him.

Mrs.Bertch.

Come on. Go to the shed. I wantyou to watch me k*ll your husband.

[music]

[f*ring b*llet]

[music]

How did I get back here?

Oh.

Well.

you were awfully groggyafter all the dope you've had, so I

I just loaded you into theSergeant's car and drove you home

You drove?

Yeah, I never even thoughtabout you know that Jeff?

My fragile little doll.

[kiss]

[music]