04x10 - The Great Divide

[bunniefuu]

[waves crashing]

[music]

Something was wrong.

Maybe it was spring fever or maybeI was just tired of molly interviews

to select temporary salespeoplefor the annual spring clearance.

But I felt strangely rested,list and at loose ends.

So I decided to leave the officea bit earlier than usual and stop

off at the drugstore for a freelook at the Glamour magazines.

Now in order to understand the fullsignificance of what happened next,

it is necessary to knowonly one thing about me.

I'm plain.

Painfully pain.

And my kind ofplainness can't be

transformed bynew shade of lipstick.

I act plain.

I have acted plain eversince I was old enough

to look into a mirrorand evaluate what I saw.

I said I was plain.

I guess some people might callme ugly but I had settled for plain.

My eyes of slate grayalas, not enormous

with violent lightsin their depths.

But with mechanical,I can see my nose.

Simply a nose useful forbreathing, nothing more.

And to complete theinventory, I have a mouth,

Such as it is.

My hair

is and always has been

straight is a poker.

And of course.

I'm awfully tall.

I was ft eight by thetime I was twelve years old.

I remember when I was, my mother thought if I'd

develop some grace, Imight gain self confidence.

Fred Albright wasthe only boy who ever

actually came up to meand asked me to dance.

He was written off by therest of the school because

he always had his headburied in some scientific book.

Everybody called him spook.

He was ft two when hewas and still growing.

Unfortunately.

He didn't know howto handle his height.

And he stumbledall over his own feet

when he wasn'tstumbling over mine.

[Music]

I guess you won't b*at all surprised to learn

that last week I turned and I'm still single.

And to tell you the truth, Ireally don't feel very bad about it.

I think that by the timeI was I had pretty

well written myself offas an old maid Anyway.

My family, of course,did his best to help and

particularly my sisterElizabeth and her husband, Bill.

I'll help.

You do no suchthing. You get right

back in there andentertain the boys.

The boys are very happy.Mooning over sports cars.

Well you better face andmoon over sports cars.

I Can't, I hate sportscars. They don't fit me.

Well, I mean, I don't fit them.

I'll figure.

Honey, Bill invited Arnold homethis afternoon especially for you.

I know that.

So does Arnold.

Liz.

Please stop trying tofix me up with dates, will you?

Too embarrassing for everybody.

Well, honey, all you need todo is relax and talk to. Won't?

Relax, well it'seasier for you to say.

You're pretty.

You're so pretty thatyou almost glow at time.

But me.

I blow about as muchas of b*rned out light bulb.

Look honey.

I'm not really pretty.

You're not?

I'll tell you secret.What? I feel pretty.

Then that's it. I feel plain.

I have told you a thousandtimes you don't have to.

If you just try a little.

If you just shine a little

Shine.

Shine? Got me steel w*r on here?

Now, you make too manygirl fetch your trouble.

Would you rather I goon weeping about it?

Well, Don't you want to get married?

Sure, I want to get married.

Not all of this panhands, you know.

Oh, I know that. Liz.

Liz, this isn't a societywhere a woman can go out

and say, I want love. Ahusband, home, children.

Well, that is, a plainwoman can't now a

beauty. She can beas frank as she likes.

But an old maid.

You are not an old maid, not yet.

Aunt Grandma used to say,well, there's life, there's hope.

Despite grandma's oldAdages. I have had my

th birthday. I havepassed the great divide.

Oh, Mabel.

Now, honey, I wish you'dstop worrying about me.

I'm happy.

I like it, I like it, I like it.

They will hear you.Not that good one.

You see, I had faced it squarely,but I was a born old maid. And

in not feeling too badly aboutit, I was off to the drugstore.

[music]

-Hello Billy.-Hi

Usual Miss MacAfee?

Yes, please.

Mabel MacAfee.

Bean pole.

Spook?

Oh I'm sorry sir.

-Fred Albert,-Right.

-Well for heaven.-You have grown.

[laugh] So have you.

Well let me look at you.

Oh, my goodness. Isee you lost your calico

the hard way. It came out.

Oh, no.

Say? You got a minute?

-Yes.-Why don't we sit down over there?

Oh, sure. I'd love to.

Billy, I'll be over the booth.

Okay.

Well.

glad you're running into here.

I am sorry.

You remember MissKatherine's dancing school?

Oh, I sure do.

You know, I alwaysremembered you because you

never got mad whenI stepped on your feet.

-Oh.-I thought

you were the mosttactful girl I knew.

[laugh]

I should have got my bigclothoppers out of your way.

I guess we justgrew up too fast, huh?

I grew seven inches the yearI was walking on your feet.

Oh, how awful.

I never did more thanfour inches in one year.

well that's a lot.

Tell me.

Were you tired all the time?

-Exhausted.-So as I

-There you are, may I get anything?-Thank you.

-Mind if I smoke?-No, go right ahead.

Mabel McAfee.

[laugh]

I haven't seen you aroundhere. Have you been away?

-Oh, yeah, since .-Oh.

Ah, the Navy.

Then Caltech.

And then they tagged meagain. You know, Korea.

Then back to Caltech.

And I figured as longas the government was

paying for them, I mightas well get my doctorate.

You mean your doctor all right.

Well, not the kindof the pills. A PhD.

Why, Fred.

I just think that wonderful.

Hey, bean pole. You're notsupposed to be impressed.

Tell me, what kind of a PhD are you?

Chemistry.

Oh, sure. You were alwaysgood at that, weren't you?

Well, I liked it.

But what are youdoing now exactly?

Well, right now I'mworking in Synthetics.

Oh no.

What's the matter?

Well.

I had a thing about synthetics.

You might say I'm allergicto them psychologically.

Now, explain thisthing about synthetics.

Well, I guess it started with Liz.

-Oh, your sister.-That's right.

Wasn't she younger?

But she's married now.

Yeah, she has been for years.

Her husband, Bill,well, they have a

nice little houseout in the suburbs.

Anyway, they have five children.

-Five.-A wonderful kids.

And people are alwaysgiving them Synthetic toys

And the toys break. And thekids get blamed and Liz hates them.

The toys, I mean, not the kids.

I just don't like substitutes.

At all I mean if a thing lookslike wood, I want it to be wood.

And if it looks likeglass, like this, for

instance, I want itto look like glass.

Wait let me explain it to you.

Now, synthetics arenot necessarily imitation.

-Yeah but...- Wait, I'll show you something.

What are you goingto do? Broad City Hall?

I just want to showyou something.

Look now.

There's something a child won'tever be blamed for breaking.

It's indestructible.

-It is?-Hmm hmm.

It's ugly, a sin.

Oh, did you design it?

-Yes.-Oh, I'm Sorry, I didn't mean that.

That's okay it isjust a test model.

And it's designed tohave many points of stress

in here where it mightbreak if it's going to see.

Now, watch this.,

[hitting the toy]

You do it. Hard.

Ouch.

You do it hard. It's strongand not a scratch on it.

Now, drop it on the floor.

-You mean it?-Go ahead.

Go ahead it's all right.

[Droping toy]

Oh.

See that?

Great.

-Good as new-Yeah.

I call it eternal light.

Well, it is strongerthan it looks. Alright

and I like thatname. Eternal Light.

If it really is.

Unbreakble Isn't it?

Oh, look. Now, I'veburned this with matches.

I've baked it in theoven, I've frozen

it. And in spite ofall those extremes

of temperatures,it still isn't broken.

I pounded it with a hammerand I've even tried to saw it.

You got to give it an actual test.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, if it's a toy, thenyou'll let some kids play with it.

Alright.

Where did your sisterand her five children live?

Have you got a car? Outside Spook?

-I sure do.-Well, just follow me.

Oh, that poor turtle.

No.

[music]

Liz and Bill managedto conceal their surprise

at the sight of me beaccompanied by a man.

I introduced Fred.And when he explained

about his indestructible toy, I

could see by thetwinkle in Liz's eye

that she sharedmy doubts. But, Bill,

it's hard to tell aboutthese synthetic things.

Well, fellas, I guessyou're the judges.

Mr. Albrightwants you to test it.

Test it?

Just play with it honey.

-you know have fun.-Yeah, give it a rough time.

Let's k*ll it.

[Laugh]

Give you a test

Alright. I'll betthey will, too.

Well, a Bill.

why don't you make us a drink andMabel and I'll fix us some dinner?

Hey, it's a good idea.

Come on honey.

Yeah. Oh, you can say catch, Fred.

Oh, I wouldn't wantto impose.

Oh, it's no imposition to haveyou for pot luck, especially

with Mabel to help. She'sjust marvelous in the kitchen.

You're not expected home.

I mean, you're not married, are you?

Oh, no , no I'm not.

You know when people getmarried to a young these days.

Honey, I like your bow. He's

intelligent, he'sattractive and single.

Yes, he's not my bow. Goodness.He's not interested in me.

He's only interested inhis indestructible turtle.

Now, the only reasonhe came out here at

all was so thechildren could test it.

See, it may be that way now.

But as Grandma usedto say, in spring, a young

man's fancy lightlyturns to thoughts of love.

Now, it's obvious that Grandmalived in an era of romance. In

this case, the young man'sfancy is strictly on synthetics.

Mabel.

Can you see at allwithout those glasses?

Not at all.

Well, put some lipstick on.

You never give up, do you?

[opening fridge door]

[music]

Fred fitted in just like a friendof long standing, and I relaxed

and enjoyed myself, especiallyas I didn't have to say much.

I remember when I wasabout seven years old.

My father gave me a toy dump truck.

-You, too?-Yeah.

It was made out of steel andI'll bet it weighed twenty pounds

And you knowwhat? I've still got it.

Mabel, maybe if I wouldlike some more coffee?

Oh, no, no, thanks I'm fine.

Now, if I'm lucky enough tohave sons of my own someday.

Not only will they be ableto play with it, but I'll wager

it'll be just as good a toywhen they have their sons.

My old fire engineis about the only

toy that swatch itthrough my two boys.

Sure.

I'll bet that truck costmy dad only about $.

Now, do you knowwhat a toy of equal

quality and workmanshipwould cost today?

Oh, fortune, don'tyou think? So many?

$ wholesale.

[Whistling]Sure.

Now, the way I figure,it could be molded out

of indestructible syntheticfor only about .

You know I like theidea of a scientist

trying to inventsomething that won't

break rather thanexerting all that

mental power onhow to destroy things.

Don't you honey?

Hey, Mr. It broke.

Broke?

Not even at a point of stress.

What were you doing when itbroke? I mean, how did it happen?

It's all right, honey. Nobody'smad at you, least of all

Mr. Albright. He's trying tomake toys that won't break.

Yes, and before Ican make any more,

I've got to know whythis one broke, See.

I don't know why.We were just playing.

Yeah, but how wereyou playing? Were you

pounding the turtleor dropping it or what?

We were just running overit with our coaster wagon.

I see.

Just the sort of thing thatwould naturally happen to a turtle.

He stood lookingat Billy for a moment.

And then he smiled thatsmile of his that makes

you think he knows aterrific joke on himself.

And I felt absolutelyawful at the sight of it.

Something inside of mestarted twisting and twisting.

-Fred, would you like to go now?-Yes, if you don't mind.

Of course. Now just get my things.

Oh, jeez, you haveto leave so early?

Thanks, Bill, for theuse of a testing ground.

Anytime.

Thanks, Liz, for a very long time.

Do come again.

Bye.

-Bye bye.-Bye Liz.

Bye, Billy.

[music]

Eternal light.

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.I'm just awfully sorry.

I don't know why.

If my synthetic isn'tindestructible, I'd better find it

out now before I put anyEternal Light toys on the market.

I Guess so.

-Being trouble.-Why

don't look so sad.

It was my turtle.

Well I know.

Oh, come on.

[music]

Six weeks passed and not afurther word did I hear from Fred.

But things have changed.

I seem no longer docily resignedto being a hopeless spinster.

I found that although it maybe possible to get used to

the idea that you aren'tattractive to men in general.

It is something elseagain to get used to the

idea that you don't appealto one particular man.

And then I thought about Fred.

And how he lookedstanding there with the two

pieces of his EternalLight toy in his hands.

Holding a shatteredhopes before him.

And now he had fitted in thatevening and lives and bills.

Just as if he belonged there.

And I realized I'd donea very concentrated

job of observing himone time in years.

And I kept telling myself

I'd better stopdaydreaming about a man I

wouldn't see again foranother years, if ever.

From more than six weeksI kept telling myself this.

[telephone ringing]

Personnel

Miss MacAfee.

Hi, Bean Paul.

Hello Fred.

I just called your sister to getyour business phone number

and she said to bring youout there tonight for supper.

Would you like that?

I can't think ofanything I'd like better.

Good. , then?

Yeah, Would you mindpicking me up here at the office?

Okay bye.

Bye.

Spook.

[laugh]See you then.

Yeah.

[putting telephone down]

[music]

What are you waitingaround for girls?

Ah, nothing.

-Good night Mabel.-Good night.

Good night Miss. MacAfee.

Good night Smith.

[walking]

Oh, Excuse me

-Hi.-Oh, hi.

Oh, Fred.

Ah, that's Miss. smith andthat's Miss. eive. It's Mr.Albright.

-Hi.-How do you do?

Well.

-How have you been?-Busy.

Working on a new model.

Oh.

Oh how silly I have been.

I should have knownwhy he called. He

wanted to test hisEternal Light again.

And I'd let myself believe that hewanted to spend the evening with me.

Oh well.

Well, just rigid enough, butnot too brittle. Now, watch this.

[droping down turtle]

[kicking turtle]

Not a scratch.

That's wonderful.

Would you like to make asmall bet that those nieces and

nephews of yours can wreakno havoc with this turtle?

Oh, Fred, that's not fair toask me to bet against your skill.

You are a woman withhoney in her mouth.

Why am I trying to flatter you?

I mean it.

That's why it's honey.

-Come on. To the proving ground.-Yeah.

Alright.

[door opening]

[music]

Fred fitted in with a family justas easily as he had the first time.

And when Liz askedhim how he'd like to

squire me to theSaturday's dance at the club,

he said he'd love to

And then he looked at me andgrinned like we had a private joke.

I knew he was rememberingthe dances at Miss

Catherine's and laughing athow awkward we both were.

And I thought howmuch he'd changed.

He looked so all of apiece organized now.

As if he knew justwhere he was going.

Is a wonderful evening.

And the best partof it was that the

children couldn't makea dent in that turtle.

Oh, well it hurts ouch.

A few days later

Liz reported that Fredhad brought around.

An eternal light a fire truck.

A week or so after thedance, Fred and I delivered

a doll to the mercyof the testing ground.

[music]

The following Saturdayafternoon, Fred and I drove out

to check up on the conditionof the Eternal Light toys.

And report was great.

Put yourself rightdown there. Thanks

Where is my boy. Operation EternalLight is an unqualified success.

Oh, that's great, Bill

Come in into the rumpestroom and see for yourself.

Oh, boys, boys, boys, wakeme. Now, I think we should all get

together tonight and have agreat big, wonderful celebration.

Oh, I'm sorry, I can. Nottonight. Anyway. Got a date.

Important?

Yeah, with my girl. Well,come on, Bill. Let's go

and look at those toys.I can't stay very long,

-Honey I'm so sorry.-Oh.

-I know how you feel.-Don't be silly.

Oh, goodness, I told youfrom the very beginning.

Fred and I just goodfriends, that's all.

Seems to me Grandmamust have had something to

say about people like youwho jump to conclusions.

Don't you really care?No, of course not.

Care.

I could have d*ed.

But I had some pride.

I couldn't at a show.

I told myself thatnothing had changed.

Things are easier to take onceyou accept them and stop fighting

and then Fred cameback into the room.

And I knew that nothingwould ever be the same again.

See what I mean? Indestructible.

That really pledges it for me.

Well, let's travel.

Yeah.

Yeah I.

Yes, I got to begetting home anyway.

Well no honey won't we would...

Oh, I will.

Liz, thank you very much.

Good bye sweetheart

[door closing]

I'm awfully happy for you, Fred.

Just think how gratefulparents are going to be to

you. No more broken toysalmost as soon as it's bought.

No more children getting blameif something's not their fault.

I sure am happy for you.

-Tell me something.-Huh?

You still feel aboutSynthetics the way you did?

oh no heavens nothing.

-Oh, Good.-You changed all that.

You know whatI'd like to do next?

No, what?

I'd like to combine twovery complex substances.

Hmm.

You and me.

I think we'd make avery solid combination.

See, you just proposed to me.

Yes I did.

But why.

I mean,

I'm not even pretty.

No, I suppose you'renot. Does it matter?

I always thought it did.

You want to know something?

To me you are beautiful.

Oh, Fred.

No, I mean that you are.

You want to have your glasses?

No, I don't meanthrough these things.

No, You know, beautyis not a surface quality.

You know what it is?

It's a woman looking at youas if her heart would break

when something that you setyour heart on has gone wrong.

The way you looked at me.

You know what else.

It's somebody veryhappy to see you after

you've neglectedto call her for weeks.

I'm sorry about that.

Oh, that's alright.

You're a wonderful.

No stupid reproaches whenyour work has to come first.

[smile]

Do you understand?

Good.

[whistling]

I stared ahead into theAfrica colored evening.

And I tried toidentify the unfamiliar

sensations whichwere overwhelming me.

I felt an odd breathlessness.

A delicious awarenessof my entire self.

Sudden intoxicating waveof self confidence and power.

You know, if I can find a placeto park. I'm going to kiss you.

There's a turnoff just beyondthose billboards up ahead. [laugh]

Oh, there's going tobe such a crash of glass. [laugh]

[music]