08x06 - Love Between the Acts

[bunniefuu]

[waves crashing]

[music]

How long will she be with you, Mrs. Hasting?

Well, I'm hoping to keep her with me in New York for nearly a month,

and I expect you gentlemen to give her a marvelous time.

-We will do.... -Oh, here she is, everybody.

My niece from California, Mrs. Katherine Ward.

Katherine, dear.

I'll start with Fred, then I can introduce you around the room.

-Of course. -Ah, Mr. Tobin.

How do you do?

Mr. Granger.

It's a pleasure. Mrs. Ward.

And Mr. White.

Welcome to New York.

Thank you. My niece, Mrs. Ward.

Ah, we'll be back.

[laughs] And where are Mrs. Tobin, Mrs. Granger and Mrs. White?

Nowhere.

The poor darlings don't have any wives?

-Oh. -Fred lost his Virginia

just about the same time that you lost Richard,

Ed and Arnold are bachelors,

but not confirmed, of course. [laughs]

-Aunt Lou. -Hmm?

You promised you would not do this.

Promised what darling?

-You know, don't... -Oh,

I want you to meet two very old friends of mine.

Mrs. Wimpleton and Mrs. Randolph.

How do you do?

Who is she, dear?

My niece from California, dear.

-Who? -My niece, dear.

Oops, [dramatic music] strap.

-Oh. -Aunt Lou, I'll need your help.

Can you excuse us, please, for a moment.

[laughs] I will be right back.

I could die of embarrassment.

Dogs food darling, straps do break.

-Here. -No, no, my straps are fine.

It's my pride that shattered.

-Well, -Well, It looks like a mother's son convention in there.

-Oh. -But you know what you've done?

You have herded, every eligible male in New York City into that room.

And for feminine companionship, you offer,

well, five great grandmothers and me.

Now, what choice do they have?

Well, some of the other ladies couldn't come

just at the very last minute.

Look at me.

You didn't invite any other ladies and you and I know it.

Oh, aunt Lou.

I don't want to get married again.

[music]

Yes, well, we're seeing, uh, west of paradise.

[laughs] Yes, aren't we lucky?

I understand the tickets are almost impossible to get.

Well-- well, she got them through a-- a friend of the producers, you know?

Yes, I will.

Yes, I will. Goodbye, Mr. Tobin. Goodbye.

Aunt Lou?

Aunt Lou? You'd better hurry!

It's getting late, you know.

Well, darling, this is no time to be taking a beauty nap.

-Oh, Katherine, darling. -What is it?

I, I think it must be the fluid.

- It just hit me. - Oh. No.

I feel, well, it doesn't matter how, I, I called for the doctor, dear.

You just run along.

Do no such thing.

You don't have a fever.

No.

but you will give me one

if after all I've been through to get tickets for west of paradise,

-you'll miss it. -Oh, well.

Sitting on the bed, staring at me.

Sorry.

But I can't just walk off and leave you.

Darling, Kat, this is New York.

What you can't do is miss the hit of the season.

Now, the slip of the house tickets are on the desk,

and I'll call up the box office and tell them that you are coming alone.

Run along.

[music]

[audience laughing]

Is this row double M?

Yes, it is.

[comedian speaks in background and audience laughs]

Did I miss much?

[Katherine laughs] No.

But you will.

[bursting sound and audience laughs]

Oh. Oh, dear.

[Steel glass clink sound and auidence laughs]

Pretty good.

Certainly likes to laugh.

A man with a sense of humor.

Refreshing.

Oh, Aunt Lou, as long as you're going to matchmake,



why don't you set me up with something like...

Oh, dear.

Of course! She has!

She isn't sick at all.

She gave her a ticket to this gentleman.

Oh, how embarrassing.

She has no right to put me in the position of a man

crazy widow on a prowl.

I thought he was overly friendly when he sat down.

Well, I'll fix him...

and Aunt Lou.

[man laughs]

[clapping and closing music]

I love your laugh. [audience clapping]

-Do you? -Um-hmm.

I never cared for it much.

I always wanted one of those musical silvery ones, you know.

[man laughs] Well, that it isn't.

-Excuse me, Miss. -Surely.

I guess you might say it's sort of helpless.

-Helpless? -Yes.

-Oh, dear. -Like you were coming apart

at the seams and couldn't do anything about it. [laughs]

Ah, may I introduce myself?

Oh, must you?

I mean, it's, it's so conventional.

I prefer talking to strangers.

Fine with me. How about drinking with strangers?

Cute little bar next door.

Well, I just thought you'd never ask.

[Katherine laughs] [music]

What about exchanging first names and nickname?

Oh.

Now, that it still keep us strangers but, uh, cut down on the hey you.

Oh. I don't know.

I think it's better not to know anything.

You don't know anything about me, do you?

No, of course not.

[laughs] I don't know anything about you.

I'll tell you one thing, though. I drink scotch mists.

-Getting to know you. -Hmm-hmm.

Bartender.

Two scotch mists.

I think I know something else about you too.

Yes?

What makes you laugh.

[Katherine laugs]

We did seem to laugh at the same thing.

After,

we'll probably find out that we're very much alike.

After?

After the theater.

You are going to invite me for a bite or a drink

or a ride or something?

Well, the thought had crossed my mind,

but all that's pretty conventional.

[laughs] Under normal circumstances, I suppose, but

because we're strangers,

if we just went out for an ice cream cone,

it would have a certain shock value. Hmm?

-I see. -[laughs]Thank you.

You're kind of nuts.

If I weren't, I wouldn't be talking to you.

I have an aunt who's really crazy.

Who hasn't? [both laughs]

You're very beautiful.

I can say that because I'm a painter.

I say it professionally.

Well, thank you.

I don't care how you say it or why you say it, as long as you say it.

You really a painter?

Yes.

Instead of that ice cream cone,

why don't you come up to my apartment

and I'll show you my painting.

Oh I'd love to.

And again, I thought you'd never ask.

You are nuts.

Who know?

I'm just a yes girl.

Anything wrong with that?

Not a thing.

We have two more acts to go.

[music]

[clapping]

-Excuse me. -Surely.

-My place. -Your place.

Uh, however, I came with some friends

who don't realize just how unconventional I am.

So why don't I meet you there?

Half an hour?

Perfect. You leave first.

-This is my card. -Oh.

In case you get lost. Just dial custer's last stand.

-What? -Custer's last stand.

June th, .

June the th month,

.

Oh, that's very clever.

Thank you.



[Katherine laughs]

See you.

Soon.

[music]

Oh, I hate to do this,

but matchmakers must be dealt with.

And tomorrow, after I protest mildly,

I'll let Aunt Lou set it up again.

I like him.

[music]

Oh, good morning, Aunt Lou.

Good morning, dear.

I see you're feeling better.

Oh, wonderful.

Well, much better.

I guess it was something I ate.

[rings hand bell]

-How was your evening? -Fine.

-And the show? -Funny.

You dismissed Broadway's current smash as merely funny.

Well, Broadway's current smash wasn't the fun part of it.

-No? -Um-hm.

No. A certain gentleman sat right down next to me in your seat.

What was he like?

Well, now, I hardly think it's necessary for me

to describe him to you.

[laughs] No.

What happened?

Of course, the minute he sat down, I knew you'd planted in there.

Oh, he's such a nice man.

from a fine family.

He's only and he's already made his first million.

-His first million? -Hm-um.

Painting?

-Painting? -Hm-um.

He, he told me he was a painter.

Oh, Katherine.

Oh, you two did have fun.

He, He's the president of his own insurance company.

Oh, no.

Oh, dear. [laughs]

In a way, I wish he really were a painter.

Well.

I suppose he wasn't any more honest with me than I was with him.

What do you mean by that?

Well,

last night I decided to break you with the habit

of throwing men in my path like an obstacle course.

Oh, Kat. Now, come on, come on.

Tell me. From the very beginning, he introduced himself.

No, no, no. No introductions.

I simply behaved as any first rate Main Street pickup.

That's not a nice thing to say.

After the theater, he suggested that we go directly to his apartment.

-He did? -Mhm.

Well, what happened?

Nothing, because I stood him up.

-Really? -Mhm.

How very interesting. [laughs]

I guess it's those little suits he wears.

You liked him?

Hmm. He was a great improvement over your Wall Street g*ng.

I tell you.

We're having roast beef for dinner.

That's a good man's meal.

I'll call him up and ask him to join us.

Well, it's your roast beef.

Not that he needs any more red blood.

Red blood?

I wonder if his mother knows. [laughs]

I'm afraid there's nothing to know.

He was probably just acting up a storm like I was.

And here I thought I'd found a real character. Huh.

And recalling some of my dialogue last night

I can imagine what he's thinking about me.

[music]

Oh, I see you've been shopping again.

-You like it? -Love it.

[laughs] [doorbell ring] Oh.

There's our man. Right on time.

Let him in there with you. Indeed.

[dramatic music] Good evening.

Good evening.

Katherine.

You're going to leave him there in the hall all the evening?

Come in, Jeffrey.

Thank you.

How are you?

Just fine, thank you, Mrs. Hastings, and Mother sent you regard.

Oh, that's nice. Sit down, dear. Sit down.

Well,

How did you enjoy the play last night, Mrs. Ward?

It was fun.

I mean, fine.

It was very good.

Oh, you.

You were sitting on the other side of me.

That's right.

I tried to introduce myself several times but you were occupied.

[Katherine laughs nervously]



I was really quite surprised to hear from your aunt today.

I didn't think you even noticed me.

Oops. Strap.

Aunt Lou, would you come and help me, please? Excuse us.

[music] Well,

[laughs nervously] I'll-- I'll be back in a minute.

You-- you get yourself a drink. Jeffrey,

Something is very wrong.

Very.

That's not he.

What do you mean, that's not he? Of course it is.

No, that is not the man that I carried home

with at the theater last night.

Well, that one, Jeffrey, he was sitting on my right.

Well, he never even opened his mouth.

Katherine, do you mean to tell me that you let a perfect stranger

pick you up in the theater?

Well, that's not done, dear.

Not even in New York.

Oh, well.

The damage is already done now.

There's no damage.

Oh, and you know I don't know one thing about him.

I don't know his name, his address, his...

his telephone number.

There was something about his telephone number.

It had to do with....

with an historical event,

the date of it.

Oh, why did I tear up his card?

He gave it to me and I just threw it away.

[music]

That's a full run.

Yep, it's one of those three.



There it is. July , .

Now, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, .



[Ambulance siren tone]

Alright.

Ride of Paul Revere.

Ta-ta-ta.

Wow, that's beautiful.

Thank you, Jeffrey.

Happy birthday.

Heart of diamonds.

diamonds.

-Oh. - This is our th date, you know.

Now that was very sweet of you.

Well, it was your aunt's idea, really.

Oh.

She said that you were a bit on the sentimental side.

Yes, I am a romanticist, I must admit.

Well, now, don't you feel badly, Katherine.

Most women are.

Yes, even some men. [laughs]

Well.

-Let's head for the theater? -Yeah.

You know, I'll say one thing for your Katherine.

You made me the best informed insurance man on the new plays .

-Oh? - dates, plays.

[laughs] I love the theater.

You're just like a little girl.

I think you like the crowds and excitement as much as anything.

Maybe more. [laughs]

You really give the audience the once over.

Well, I love people.

Do I come under the heading of people, Kat?

Well, of course.

-I think we get along very nicely. -Yeah, we certainly do.

Katherine, would you marry me?

Well, it, it's after eight.

No, I didn't mean this evening.

No, I know, but it, it, it's late.

You know?

Oh, [laughs] of course.

-But I'll ask you again. -Yes. I mean, thank you.

It's a perfect match. I, I couldn't be happier.

You need him and he needs you.

Nothing was settled, Aunt Lou.

Well, grab him.

-Check for his going places. -Hmm.

He has a glorious future in business and politics.

With an attractive wife by his side, he'll be governor.

But I don't like politics.

Oh, stop that Katherine.

You will have a very rich life with Jeffrey.

He's interested in the theater, travel, the arts.

Um-hmm.

He has the finest collection of

modern french impressionists in the city,

which his decorator bought and hung in his apartment.

Oh, no, really, he's very nice. But

But, but, but what? Oh, Katherine, you are really too annoying.

Well, I bet he doesn't even know the color of my eyes.

Oh, brot.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Good morning, Jeffrey.

Yes. Yes, I saw our little stock was up this morning.



Oh, yes, she's here.

Thank you.

Good morning, Jeffrey.

No, I haven't checked the stock market yet.

Buy what?

Why did he say to buy, dear?

Jeffrey, wait just a minute.

What color are my eyes?

Hmm.

Uh, just a minute. Aunt Lou wants to talk to you for a minute.

-Jeffrey. -Brownish

What stock did you say to buy?

Custer's to you?

-Oh yeah. -Custer's last stand.

That's it.

Yes, always up a . [music]

June th, .

January, February, March, April, May, June.

Hang up, hang up, hang up.

-Hang up. -What? Oh, I, [stammers]

I have to hang up, dear. Goodbye.

Thank you.



What are you dialing?

Custer's last stand?

Have you gone completely by me?

Hello. To whom am I speaking?

Well, what took you so long?

You know who this is?

Sure. My yes girl has said no.

You're pretty conventional, after all.

Terribly.

I was just, uh, talking big that night.

I figured as much.

What color are my eyes?

Well, when I first looked down at you, they were blue blue.

Clear five for a penny marble blue.

Yes.

When the lights in the theater dimmed, they turned peacock,

sh**ting emerald green sparks like two pieces of good jewelry.

Are you married?

Nope. Are you?

Nope.

Are you really a portrait painter?

-Yes, but I have a little income. -Um-hmm.

Which you no doubt handle very well.

No. Can't add in .

I got a little man chain to the desk for all that sort of work.

Would you like to see, uh, west of paradise?

Then you're not mad?

Mad?

Yes. Because I stood you up?

Oh, no.

In fact, that's one of the things I found most intriguing about you.

Is that so?

Hmm.

I repeat the offer.

Would you like to see west of paradise?

I saw it! Sitting right next to you, if you recall.

Oh, I recall vividly sitting next to you.

So vividly that I don't know what happened on the stage.

Did the boy get the girl?

Well, to be honest, [laughs] I'm not sure either.

Perhaps we had better give it another try.

[audience laughing]

It's so funny.

Excuse me. Would you mind removing your hat?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I can't.

It's nailed on.

Oh. [laughs]

She says it's nailed on.

Shall we change seats with them?

[glass breaking sound and audience laughs]

Thank you.

Thank you.

[audience laughs]

-Is that better, dear? -Oh, yes.

[music]

[audience laugh]