[ woman humming ]
[ brakes screech ]
Man's voice:
You're the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen,
[ sighs ]
but I gotta tell you,
I'm gonna go
with someone else.
You what?
I've been doing a lot
of thinking and...
I found a better deal.
Make love to me, Larry.
- Excuse me?
- Make love to me
before you walk out
of my life forever.
Well, I guess we're
consenting adults.
- [ sloshes ]
- [ groans ]
Aha!
I accept your rejection.
[ dramatic
music plays ]
[ woman screams ]
[ woman over P.A.
speaks Bulgarian ]
[ airplane
flies overhead ]
- Can you hear anything?
- No, it's just a fast
busy signal.
[ growls ]
I'm gonna wring
that I.T. Bastard's neck.
- I thought you said
all you had to do was--
- Right,
just turn it on and dial.
That's what they told me,
that's what I did.
- Son of a bitch.
- Well then, how are you
gonna call the limo company?
- How will they ever find us?
- I don't know.
What do I look like--
The dispatcher?
I have no idea.
They were supposed
to meet us with the sign
in by baggage claim,
but no.
I guess we're not
in Kansas anymore.
Not even close.
Oh, you know what?
This is horseshit.
I'm not gonna wait around
this glorified bus station
one more second.
We're taking a taxi.
Come on, let's go.
Yes, hello.
Uh, do you speak English?
{\an8} [ speaks Bulgarian ]
Thank you.
Hello, sir.
Do you speak English?
{\an8} [ speaks Bulgarian ]
{\an8} Forget it,
thank you.
Yes, hello. Uh--
Do you speak English?
[ thick accent ]
Yes, and the capital
of Nebraska is Omaha.
- You're hired, good.
Load'em up.
- Ho-ho-ho,
this way, John Wayne.
I'd love to take
your money,
but these cabs
are lined up in order.
You have to take
the one at the head
of the stand,
or I will be k*lled,
and I'm not kidding.
All right, look...
How much does it cost to get
from here to the Rankov
in U.S. dollars?
20, give or take.
For crying out loud.
[ woman over P.A.
speaks Bulgarian ]
Yes, hello. See this?
It's money.
I'm giving you money,
okay? Thank you.
Have a good day.
All right. Look,
do me a favor, will you?
Tell him he's paid in full.
{\an8} [ speaks Bulgarian ]
Yeah, hardy har har.
Capitalism
works every time.
[ door closes ]
Welcome to Bulgaria.
Talk about a gypsy cab.
If you please,
I'm not gypsy.
I'm Russian.
Big-time difference,
Roy Rogers.
Yeah. Well, if you please,
my name isn't Roy Rogers,
- and it's not
John Wayne either.
- It's William Cole.
- And I'm Jackie.
- My name is Yegor.
Yegor-- Pleased
to meet you.
- What brings you
to Bravoda?
- Business.
- Shopping.
- Plenty of blue-light
specials here.
Capitalism
is still new to us.
We're not as good at--
How you say--
- Price gouging?
- [ engine starts ]
[ tires screech ]
[ honks ]
Good morning, P-Money.
[ beeps ]
[ mechanical whirring ]
Your teeth are
very dirty.
- Brush them.
- [ whirring continues ]
How are you
supposed to get the women
with your hair like this
rolling in your '64?
Brush your hair.
Now you're looking fly.
Pavel.
Pavel!
Come. Quickly!
Sleep!
Yes, Doctor?
Tell me what you
see here. Look.
[ faint gurgling ]
I see cells.
Normal cells?
Normal cells.
What is big whoopee?
They're cells from two
different DNA profiles.
Huh?
Pavel:
Each one...
- living side by each,
growing?
- Yeah.
Duplicating?
It appears
the new inhibitor
is working.
That is some phat news!
Slip me some skin,
my main man.
[ tires screech ]
Oh, come on.
Excuse me,
there's no buckle
for my seatbelt.
What we need seatbelt for?
It's short drive.
William:
Frankly, you don't seem
like a good driver.
I'm excellent driver.
[ pedestrians yell
in Bulgarian ]
Will you slow down, please?
Yegor: What is problem?
I'm going with flow
of traffic.
I've always
loved the smell
of European cigarettes.
- Would you
put that out, please?
- It's his cab, dear.
It's my lungs.
And just so you know,
where I come from,
a little place
called America,
the customer is
always right.
Too bad.
You're here now.
- [ cell phone rings ]
- [ speaks Bulgarian ]
Excuse me, will you please
not talk on the cell phone
while you drive?
- It's my uncle.
- I don't give a shit
if it's the pope.
I'm not paying you
to talk on the cell phone.
I'm paying you to drive the cab!
William, you're being
such an ugly American.
Oh, what? You like
it here so much
- you wanna
move to Bulgaria?
- It's tempting.
{\an8} [ speaking Bulgarian ]
Just so you know,
in many states in the U.S.
It is against the law
to talk on a cell phone
while you drive.
Everything's
against law in U.S.
- America is police state.
- Yeah, that's a good one
- coming from you commies.
- Jackie: William,
- give it a rest.
- This idiot is insulting
our way of life!
What's to be happy
about capitalism?
Under communism
I had good paying job
with pension,
nice housing, mate.
And now with capitalism
I drive a taxi,
I live small apartment,
I work 25 hours a day
to have nothing.
Capitalism is
the only way to go,
because from capitalism
flows democracy, okay?
So your miserable little life
will improve eventually.
Whatever you say,
Donald Trump.
- [ cars honking ]
- [ man yells in Bulgarian ]
[ brakes squeak ]
- [ honking continues ]
- What's going on?
Anybody's guess.
This could be
a security check,
could be a goat
in the road.
Isn't there any other way
to get to the hotel?
The only other way
is through Gypsy Town.
- I don't recommend it.
- Take it, okay? 'Cause
I'm not gonna sit here
and breathe this smelly
exhaust for another second.
Come on.
Customer is always right.
Dr. Ivan:
You realize what
this means, don't you?
With this new drug
I have discovered,
two different brains
can be put together
like uh-- What's the word
for "interlocking toys"?
- Legos?
- Lincoln Logs, huh?
Think of it-- If the body
no longer rejects,
nothing is impossible.
And our timing
could not be better.
It just so happens
that the C.E.O.
of the largest drug company
in the world is coming
to our fair city.
For why?
What does it matter
for why, for who,
for what?
When he arrives,
we will present
our case.
But tonight, Pavel...
Tonight we celebrate!
Heh! Uh...
[ traditional
march plays ]
[ sighs ]
[ grunts ]
No no, I'm good.
- Red Bull...
- [ snaps ]
Is it impossible for you
to do anything traditional?
What can I say?
I like new things.
I am a global citizen.
You have no sense
of history.
Nasdrovye.
Down the hatch.
Think of the minds
that can be saved,
repaired
or even replaced.
Just imagine, how would
you like to have
the intelligence
of Albert Einstein?
The wit
of Mark Twain?
The vision
of Leonardo da Vinci?
I'd like to have
hot water in my apartment.
To Comrade Alexander,
the father of Russian
Bio-Physics,
in celebration
of the next step.
We are finally ready
for human trials.
[ dog barks ]
{\an8} Yegor:
This is border.
In Gypsy Town,
they have two rules--
Number one,
stay in car.
- What's the second?
- Same as first.
No problem.
- [ speaks Bulgarian ]
- [ laughs ]
Good lord, William.
- This wasn't
such a good idea.
- [ horse whinnies ]
This crazy place--
Anything can happen
in Gypsy Town.
[ screeches ]
[ honks ]
- She an actual gypsy?
- Big time, yes.
- Do you know her?
- She's head case.
Lives up ahead
with grandparents.
Above family bridal shop.
Jackie:
What happened
to her parents?
Who knows?
It's Gypsy Town.
That's depressing.
Why do you know
so much about her?
How do you say
in America,
I take the fifth.
How much further
before we're out of here?
Not far.
Almost out.
- [ horse whinnies ]
- [ dog barks ]
I was afraid of this.
What do they want?
- This car.
- Oh my God.
Wait wait wait.
What are you gonna
do with that?
Discourage them.
Now what was
rule number one?
Both:
Stay in the car.
Hello, Uri.
Shouldn't you be home
playing video games?
Yegor Stragov!
[ grunts ]
What?
- What should we do?
- I don't know.
You're the man,
aren't you?
Oh, for God's sake.
I'm in, I'm in.
Never ask a man
to do a woman's job.
When you show disrespect...
- [ bone snaps ]
- [ screams ]
...be prepared
for consequences.
- [ bones ]
- Run fast 'cause I'm gonna
sh**t you in the ass.
[ speaks Bulgarian ]
I'm sorry you had
to see that.
I'm sorry about a lot
of things, Yegor,
but that wasn't one of them.
That was exciting.
[ engine starts ]
We might wanna
keep this guy.
He seems to know
his way around.
For once we agree.
Yegor, thank you
for a very memorable
cab ride.
Anytime, Mrs. Lady.
- Listen, Yaigor--
- Yegor, Yegor.
Yeah, whatever.
Look, we got off
on the wrong foot.
You seem
like a pretty
resourceful guy,
and I've got some meetings
I have to get to today.
What would
take to keep you
on call today?
- $200, U.S.?
- I give you 150.
- Cash?
- Of course.
- Plus gas, food
and cigarettes.
- No, I don't smoke.
You have to buy your own
damned cigarettes.
You got yourself
a deal.
Our first meeting
is in two hours.
Now look, my wife--
She doesn't really know
her way around the city,
obviously, so...
- after you drop me,
can you take her shopping?
- Of course,
but there are
no Saks Five Avenue
in Bravoda, you know?
That's okay.
Just someplace nice.
Now look, do me
a favor, will you?
Keep your eyes peeled
for a jewelry store.
I gotta get
my wife, uh...
- something special.
- Trouble in paradise?
I take the fifth.
I'll find you something.
Easy peace.
[ TV reporter
speaking in Bulgarian ]
Well, I'm off
to hear their pitch.
Have fun.
That Yegor guy
will pick you up
after he drops me.
Whatever.
You know, every once
in a while you could
pretend to care.
Oh, I pretend, William.
I've been pretending
for years.
[ sighs ]
Excuse me.
Sorry.
[ door opens ]
Have I seen you before?
No.
I think I have.
I never forget
a beautiful woman.
Have a nice day.
Man: Taxi!
- Good news, Mr. Cole.
- You found something?
This will make
your wife very happy.
Yeah, that would be
a neat trick.
Wow, it's beautiful.
- Where did you get it?
- What does it matter?
Well, how do I know
it isn't fake?
Let's just say I know.
Where to?
Central subway station.
- There is no subway
in Bravoda.
- Not yet.
It's another project
the commies failed
to complete.
Let me tell you,
mass transportation
would transform this city.
And put me out
of job to be sure.
[ engine starts ]
{\an8} Doctor!
Doctor, Doctor,
you know what?
You know what?
- Guess what?
- What, Pavel?
- William Cole
is in town.
- He is?!
Oh, excellent
excellent.
- Take a letter.
- Okay.
[ whispers ]
Okay.
"Dear Billy."
- Too familiar.
- Willy?
Mr. Cole!
"Dear Mr. Cole,
allow me
to introduce myself.
My name is Dr. Ivan
Ivanovich Ivanov.
I am a research scientist.
I am working
on an anti-rejection drug,
the same as your company
is developing,
but I have demonstrated
the use of two different
D.N.A. profiles
which can act together,
side by side."
"like Lincoln Logs."
Strike that.
"Side by side,
together...
which will allow
perfect organ transplants
of all kinds.
In fact, I have
human example."
"A human exam--"
We do?
Ah, I just want to get
his attention.
Oh...
"The world is
a dangerous place, Mr. Cole.
Between w*r,
accident and illness,
injured people
cover the globe.
Who knows if the next person
may not be you?
I look forward
to meeting with you
and to hearing from you
as soon as possible.
Yours,
in the interest
of humanity,
Dr. Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov."
Make sure
you get this to him
as soon as possible.
Yes, Doctor.
But first
I make letter better.
Man:
The hard part, Mr. Cole,
is already done.
Easements are
pre-existing,
routes have been
established,
and construction is,
by our estimates,
65% complete.
Finished plans
have been sitting
on the shelves
for 30 years.
All you need
now is the money
to finish the job.
I understand.
- [ doves coo ]
- [ bells ringing ]
How do you like Bravoda
so far, Mrs. Cole?
Yegor, I couldn't
tell you.
When I travel with my husband,
mostly what I see is
the inside of a jet,
the inside of a taxi,
the inside of a hotel room.
Maybe in Bravoda
we change that for you.
Sounds good.
Let's start
with a cigarette.
- I didn't know
Americans smoked.
- This one does.
When my husband
isn't around.
It's strong...
[ guttural ]
like everything in Europe--
Coffee, beer...
men.
Egads...
You ever wish
you could get a new body
and start over again?
I'm happy
with what I have,
Mrs. Cole.
Well, of course.
Just look at you.
Who was that woman
we saw in Gypsy Town
just today?
Was long time ago.
I was with K.G.B.
during communism.
I was assigned
to Gypsy Town.
How you say,
I get short straw.
I promise not
to tell my husband.
He'd freak out.
Everyone has
to make a living.
Long story short,
I met Tatoya
in Gypsy Town.
What happened?
We were engaged
to be married, but I
broke it off.
She didn't
take news well.
Is there a woman
in your life now?
No.
Why don't we skip shopping
for today, Yegor?
Show me the city.
Let's take
the scenic route.
Customer is always right.
After you recoup
your initial investment,
we split
50-50 for the life
of the project.
Bravoda gets
a subway system.
My drug company
gets much needed
diversification.
Not to mention a hell
of a fourth quarter
write-off.
All very attractive, no?
Yes, it is.
I'll give it
some serious
consideration.
I hate to say this,
Alexander, but uh...
my cell phone doesn't work.
Can I borrow yours?
Of course.
Here.
Thank you.
- [ cell phone rings ]
- [ both panting ]
[ panting ]
The phone's ringing.
Let it ring.
[ Jackie moaning ]
That's embarrassing.
I guess I need
a ride to the hotel.
[ chuckles ]
It's the least we can do.
Please.
Mr. Cole!
Uh...
Uh, hello.
- Who are you?
- Please, to read.
"Mr. Cole,
if you ever wanted
more than you have today,
if you ever
looked at your
successful friends
and said,
'Hey, my friends
are successful...'"
"A really famous
research scientist
has developed
a powerful wonder drug
that will change history
and he want you to be
a part of it."
That's good.
I'm spending
millions of dollars
on research,
and I'm supposed
to drop everything
to visit
some quack Doctor
from bullshit Bulgaria?
No, it's a win-win
situation.
Let me be very clear
with you-- I am simply
not interested
in your scam.
- Okay?
- Part of your team.
No, not interested.
Thank you very much.
- I can make--
- Good day.
- [ vacuum cleaner whirring ]
- [ woman humming ]
Jackie?
[ gasps ]
Sorry,
I just finishing.
What's your hurry...
mysterious woman?
[ gasps ]
[ William moans ]
One day,
we will be together.
I'm sorry,
what did you say?
You and I
will be married.
[ chuckles ]
Look, maybe this is
just a cultural thing,
but you and me,
we're just fooling around.
I mean, if you think
in a million years
that I would marry
some gypsy freak,
- you've got
another thing coming.
- As do you.
- [ door closes ]
- Jackie: Ahem.
I've heard of maid service,
but this is ridiculous.
Out!
- What was that all about?
- Well, I came back,
you weren't here,
the maid was, I asked
her to leave,
- and then you showed up.
- Just in time, apparently.
As if you're
in a position to talk.
What the hell were you
doing all this time
with the commie?
Shopping.
But you'll be pleased
to know that I didn't
buy anything.
Yeah?
Well, I did.
Holy hell...
She took it. It was--
It was a ring
that I bought for you--
Some cash, my wallet--
That gypsy maid stole it all.
Nice try, William.
Look, we should stop
kidding ourselves.
- This hasn't worked
for quite a while.
- Wait wait,
- where are you going?
- I'm taking myself to dinner,
and when I get back,
- you'd better be
in a different room.
- What is that supposed to mean?
I'll spell it out:
I'm leaving you.
This time it's for good.
[ tires screech ]
[ women gasp ]
[ women gasp ]
Hey!
[ women scream
in Bulgarian ]
[ grunts ]
[ clicks ]
What have you done,
Tatoya?
How could you give
our ring away?
I didn't.
I sold it.
Big difference.
I loved you, Yegor.
You were the most
beautiful man
I ever saw.
I would do
anything for you!
I'd k*ll for you.
If I cannot have
you forever...
can I at least
have you...
one last time?
- [ sloshes ]
- [ Tatoya grunts ]
Double crossing...
[ sirens blaring ]
Doctor:
I'm sorry to say,
Mrs. Cole,
the news isn't good.
Because of the severe
brain injuries,
your husband isn't able
to function on his own
that includes
breathing, speech,
motion,
the five senses.
We could keep
a pulse going,
but it's not
much of a life.
[ woman speaking
over P.A. ]
You and I had
something once,
William.
I'm sorry you were
taken away before I could...
get that back.
Goodbye.
All right, Doctor,
pull the plug.
- Gypsy Town.
- I wouldn't recommend it.
Who is the customer here?
Take me.
Okay, lady.
{\an8} [ radio reporter
speaking Bulgarian ]
This is most
fortuitous, Pavel.
Because of this tragedy,
we will be able
to show Mr. Cole
the value of my idea.
- Bring those bodies to me.
I will prepare the lab.
- Da.
[ tires screech ]
[ thumps ]
You k*lled
my husband, bitch,
and now I'm gonna
k*ll you.
[ screams ]
Bitch.
I'm not
through with you.
[ screaming
in Bulgarian ]
Tatoya:
You miss your husband.
- Now you can be
with him forever.
- [ screams ]
[ bones crunching ]
[ growls ]
[ both grunt ]
[ beeps ]
[ both grunt ]
Prepare the inhibitor.
[ mechanical whirr ]
- Ivanov: Vital signs?
- Stable, Doctor.
Excellent.
Now all we can do
is wait and see.
[ speaking Bulgarian ]
{\an8} [ police radio chatter ]
Blonde woman
found in Gypsy Town?
That's most unusual.
[ sighs ]
You want for me
to pick her up?
In this world
you never know what
you're going to get.
Yeah, bring her to me.
Okey-dokey.
Ivanov:
Light.
Optical response,
positive. Smelly.
- [ both sniff deeply ]
- [ William gasps ]
Olfactory response,
positive.
Auditory response,
positive.
Match.
[ sizzles ]
Sensory response,
- positive.
- Where am I?
This is a private facility.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Dr. Ivan
Ivanovich Ivanov.
I'm Pavel.
- What happened to me?
- You have suffered
a terrible head injury.
The right side
of your brain
was severely
damaged.
We used donor tissue
also from the right side
of the cerebrum
and combined the two portions.
Like Lincoln Logs.
Who is the donor?
A horrible man--
Face like a fish--
It is irrelevant!
[ chuckles ]
Eventually,
your brain will overcome
the donor portion,
and will once again
function as a whole.
Now let me see you
wiggle the fingers
of your left hand.
Why the left?
If your left side
is able to move,
it means that the new tissue
on the right side
of your cerebrum is
functioning properly.
Yeah, I must say you're
doing extremely well.
Well, that's good
because I was--
[ Tatoya grunts ]
[ grunts, moans ]
I just saw an image
in my head of...
- something happening to me.
- [ Dr. Ivanov stutters ]
This is good.
It means that more
of your memory
is returning.
But it wasn't my memory.
I was seeing myself.
Ivanov:
Ah, well,
the hippocampus
is experiencing
cerebral flushes--
Waves of chemicals
being released
from the other brain tissue.
Doc, it happened again.
Only it wasn't my memory.
Well, you are
suffering from post-shock
stress disorder.
Do not be alarmed.
[ groans ]
I think I'm losing it.
Pavel, quickly!
[ William moaning ]
- [ screams ]
Where are you taking me?
- Nothing to worry about.
I have to make
a few routine adjustments
to your temporal lobe, no?
[ groans, grunts ]
[ grunts ]
[ grunts continue ]
- [ yells ]
Let go of me!
- You must let us do this!
- We are trying
to save your life!
- What kind of a life is this?!
[ both grunt ]
- [ William grunts ]
- [ shatters ]
[ groaning ]
[ pants, groans ]
[ screams in Bulgarian ]
There is no telling
how long he will survive.
What's for dinner?
[ William groaning ]
[ all screaming ]
[ pants ]
Huh?
[ yells ]
Stop staring at me!
[ groans ]
[ continues groaning ]
Yegor's voice:
Don't be afraid, comrade.
Who said that?
Yegor's voice:
I wish I could tell you.
Where are you?
Yegor's voice:
Where do you think?
[ grunts, groans ]
Are you doing that?
I have no control
over it.
Yegor's voice:
Looks like it.
[ people murmuring ]
I control the right,
I guess.
Yegor's voice:
From now on, I suggest we stop
using "I" or "me." It's we.
Okay...
What do we do now?
Yegor's voice:
We need clothes, food and car.
Follow me.
[ groaning ]
Yegor's voice:
These cars are going
to be sold on black market.
Yegor's voice:
This one.
Somehow I know this car.
Are you kidding?
This is a piece of crap.
We'd do a lot better with these.
Just take one of these.
Yegor's voice:
It's my body too!
[ groans, grunts ]
Yegor's voice:
I can shut you down.
Oh yeah?
Two can play
your little game.
Yegor's voice:
You got a problem
with me?
No!
Stop it!
Hey!
Ah! All right,
all right.
We'll take the taxi
if you want it that bad.
Don't forget...
you hurt me,
you hurt yourself.
Yegor's voice:
Okay. Get up.
[ groans ]
Ah! Hey hey,
where are we going?
Yegor's voice:
Looking for tool.
Let me help.
Yegor's voice:
I got it.
It's a two-handed job,
idiot.
[ woman gasps ]
[ speaks Bulgarian ]
[ laughs ]
Ha.
You're welcome.
[ engine starts ]
Hey! Hey!
f*ck, you stole
a car I stole,
you freak!
- [ screeching tires ]
- [ engine revs ]
William:
Feels strange
driving a car.
Yegor's voice:
I wasn't going to say anything,
but you piss-poor driver.
Easy for you.
William:
Are you as hungry
as I am?
- Yegor's voice:
Of course.
- [ honks ]
Yegor's voice:
But we have
to earn some money.
[ groans ]
Yegor's voice:
Aha, there is
our clothes.
- Hey! Off! Hey!
- Hold on.
Give me that.
Beat it.
[ both grunting ]
Yegor's voice:
No way I'm wearing a tie.
Okay okay okay!
[ grunting resumes ]
Not on your life!
That's more like it.
Yegor's voice:
Time to work, comrade.
Wait a minute,
we're not gonna beg,
are we?
Yegor's voice:
You're thinking maybe
we worked at McDonald's?
No. No way,
I'm not a beggar.
Never begged for anything
in my life, and I'm not
about to start now.
Yegor's voice:
Come on.
[ Bulgarian accent ]
Please to give me
some money?
[ normal ]
No no. No no no.
That's okay,
I'm fine.
- Thank you.
- Uh...
[ Bulgarian accent ]
Don't you hear me!
[ normal ]
Yeah--
That's okay, ma'am.
I'm just fine without it.
Thank you very much.
- [ thuds ]
- [ grunts ]
Yegor's voice:
We will
Yegor's voice:
be needing
Yegor's voice:
food, you idiot!
[ gasps ]
[ speaks Bulgarian ]
What's for dinner?
[ Ivanov mumbles ]
Her heart
is kaputski.
[ groans ]
Her spinal column
is shattered.
No, I can do nothing.
She needs a whole new body.
- I have body.
- Hmm?
- But this is a toy.
- Uh, uh...
beg pardon--
Is P-Money 132
mobile bot.
Mobo?
- [ scratching ]
- [ hip-hop plays ]
[ scratching ]
♪ Yo, throw your hands
in the air ♪
♪ If you's a more ball player,
who's ghetto? ♪
- Enough!
- [ music stops ]
All right, Pavel,
we will use your...
mobo.
Thank you, Doctor.
- Get busy!
- Yes, Doctor.
[ music resumes ]
[ speaking Bulgarian ]
[ sighs ]
- [ people gasp ]
- [ all murmuring ]
Hello. Welcome to Olga's.
What can I start you with?
- We'd like a drink.
- What can I get for you?
- Scotch on the rocks.
- Yegor's voice: Vodka.
- No.
- No scotch?
Yes. Look...
- vodka tastes
like lighter fluid.
- Yeah, I agree.
- Yegor's voice:
Scotch tastes like piss water.
- No, it doesn't.
- But you just said that--
- Yegor's voice:
Vodka or nothing.
- I'd like a shot
of vodka too.
- Mister,
are you expecting
someone else?
Uh, no no, I--
I always order a drink
for a dear departed friend.
Okay. Do you need some time
to think about your order?
No no no,
we can wing it.
[ softly ]
All right, slow down.
Easy--
Sirloin steak.
- Yegor's voice: No.
- Waitress: How would
you like that cooked?
What's wrong
with sirloin steak?
Nothing is wrong, sir.
You just ordered it.
Yegor's voice:
Fish is better for you.
Let's do the sturgeon.
It's too fishy.
- Sirloin is too fishy?
- What about the chicken?
- Yegor's voice:
Chicken is good.
- Chicken is good.
- I'll take the chicken.
- Okay.
You get choice
of soup or salad bar.
- What's the soup?
- Borscht.
Pfft.
Salad bar.
Okay. I'll
be right back
with your...
drinks.
Oh, in meantime,
help yourself
to the salad bar.
Plates are up there.
Man: Hey!
- [ man speaks Bulgarian ]
- Gross.
[ sighs ]
Hey hey hey.
Are you crazy?
I might a little
piece of your brain,
but the rest of me is me,
and I'll determine
what goes in it!
- [ woman gasps ]
- [ all murmurs ]
I just want a little
bit of coleslaw.
- Is that asking too much?
- Yegor's voice: No.
- [ groans ]
- Yegor's voice:
We have to agree.
[ patrons gasp ]
Here you go.
Enjoy.
Yegor's voice:
Not so fast, Humphrey Bogart.
All right, all right,
we'll do it fair and square.
Let go!
We'll line up.
Whoever gets
to their drink first,
that's it.
You get to the vodka
first, fine.
If I get to the scotch
first, that's the way
it is, okay?
Yegor's voice:
Agreed.
On the count of three.
One...
two, three!
[ coughs ]
[ pants ]
Look, we should
just calm down.
Let's just
read the newspaper
like normal people.
- Yegor's voice:
Jackie?
- Jackie!
- Yegor's voice:
You?
- You!
Oh my God!
I'm William Cole.
Holy hell.
If I'm William Cole,
that must make you...
Yegor's voice:
Yegor,
Yegor's voice:
at your service...
Yegor's voice:
permanently.
[ pants ]
I'm on fire!
[ grunts ]
Get out!
[ groans, screams ]
I can't cool down.
[ groans ]
Hey!
[ speaks Bulgarian ]
[ screaming ]
[ grunts ]
[ sighs ]
Look, you're part of me,
and I'm part of you.
Neither of us like it,
but that's the way it is.
We gotta find the woman
that k*lled us both.
Yegor's voice:
Then we go to Gypsy Town.
[ humming ]
[ Pavel grunts ]
- Ready.
- [ beeps ]
- [ squeaks ]
- Systems on.
[ beeps ]
Turn her up a little.
- Can you hear me?
- [ electronic voice ] Yes.
I'm sure this is
all very new to you.
- Do you know
who you are?
- Jackie.
That is correct,
your name is Jackie.
Unfortunately, you have
had a terrible accident.
No accident, no accident,
- no accident.
- You must not
exert yourself.
I made one strong chick.
Jackie...
Tatoya.
- Ow.
- Jackie, no!
- Your battery supply...
- [ whirring ]
Jackie!
[ dog barks ]
Gypsy Town.
Ungrateful Americans.
We have big problem.
If her power pack
runs out
before we find her,
her brain will die
for lack of oxygen.
She's running
on backup power now.
That is why
we must find her
and William Cole.
Yes, we must.
Well, get going!
"Go find him, Pavel."
What am I supposed to do?
Roll down the window,
and yell, "Here, freak!
Here, freak!"?
He don't even know
who he is talking to.
I am Pavel.
Old "Eye Eagle" Pavel.
I could find
a whole haystack
with only one needle.
Power low.
- Hey, who are you, freak?
- Hello, Uri.
How do you know my name?
Hey, what do
you want here?
- Need power.
- What?!
Power?!
Hey, don't touch
that, damn it.
What are you doing?
Hey, you crazy
or something?
Hey, get out of here, okay?
Are you deaf?
- Are you stupid? What?
- [ bone snaps ]
Thank you, Uri.
[ whines ]
Here, P-Money mobot.
Here, P-Money mobot.
P-Money mobot!
[ door opens ]
Why, you worthless
piece...
of crap.
Get the hell back
- into my van.
- [ gasps ]
I'm blind!
[ sobs ]
- Ow!
- [ women laughing ]
Ivanov:
How did you do it?
When the world laughed
at you for your ideas
about mitogenic radiation,
how did you continue, huh?
What pushed you
to find the answer
even when you yourself
didn't even know
that it existed, huh?
I don't know where
to turn.
I have exhausted
every possible approach
from every
conceivable angle,
and still I have nothing
to show for it.
I-- I cannot get...
my little cells...
to accept other little cells
which are foreign
to themselves.
Sometimes I wish
I could just...
build a wall between them
so they can live together
without even knowing that--
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
A wall.
That's it.
A wall of protein--
It binds them
and separates them
at the same time!
That's it.
That's it!
[ laughs ]
Oh-ho, thank you!
Thank you,
Comrade Alexander.
I knew you would help
in my hour of need.
[ squeaks ]
More efficient.
[ sighs ]
- P-Money!
- [ honks ]
[ screeches ]
- No!
- Driver: Hey!
No! No, P-Money, no!
[ driver speaking
Bulgarian ]
Wait! Hold the bus!
Hold the bus!
Oh, P-Money.
[ phone rings ]
- Yes?
- Pavel: Doctor,
I have good news
and bad news.
- What is the good?
- I just found the robot.
- And the bad?
- She got on a bus.
What?!
For shizzle my nizzle,
I think maybe my P-Money
work too good.
- Where is she going?
- Don't know.
- Disco-dancing, maybe?
- [ line clicks ]
{\an8} [ woman singing
in Bulgarian ]
If anyone objects,
speak now...
or forever
hold your peace.
Jackie:
I do.
[ screams ]
How you know me?
You k*lled my husband,
you k*lled me,
now I k*ll you.
[ alarm whirrs ]
[ rapid beeping ]
k*ll you--
k*ll you--
k*ll you-- You.
It's her.
[ screeching tires ]
Yegor's voice:
This way. I know
a shortcut.
Hey hey!
Hey!
What the hell are
you doing?!
Get out of here,
you punk! Beat it!
[ man speaks Bulgarian ]
{\an8} [ Yegor speaking ]
[ speaking Bulgarian ]
[ grunts ]
{\an8} [ Yegor speaking ]
Stop the car!
- Ahh!
- [ honks ]
Mother of God!
[ groaning ]
Tatoya, help me.
No, don't!
assh*le American
k*lled in car accident.
Tragedy.
Don't!
I'm begging you!
[ gasps ]
[ gasps ]
[ grunts ]
William, run.
- Jackie?
- Run now.
I'm sorry
for every mean thing
I ever said or did to you.
[ moans ]
Yegor's voice:
It was a lot of love from
a woman who hated you.
Yeah.
That's the hardest part.
I'm looking forward
to this.
[ biker snoring ]
That's him!
American!
He r*ped me
on my wedding day!
[ screams ]
When we are done
with you,
you are going to be
one ugly American.
This just keeps
getting better and better.
[ screams ]
[ grunts ]
Not bad so far.
[ screams ]
[ men laugh ]
Yegor's voice:
Not bad, Charles Bronson.
[ screams ]
[ man laughs, screams ]
- Whoo!
- [ moans ]
[ all laugh ]
God!
Guess what,
we're getting
the shit beat out of us.
Yegor's voice:
That's because
you fight like a girl.
- Correction: We fight like a girl.
- [ grunts ]
- [ grunts ]
- [ men laugh ]
- Hmph.
- [ men speaking Bulgarian ]
- [ cracks ]
- [ screams ]
- [ all laugh ]
- I'm not sure how much more
of this I can take.
What do you recommend?
Yegor's voice:
We have to fight dirty.
- [ screams ]
- [ all laugh ]
Okay,
now we fight dirty.
Yegor's voice:
Bravo. Now finish him.
[ men groan ]
[ screaming ]
[ sizzling ]
- Anybody else
wanna fight?
- [ yells ]
Hey, I didn't know
they let freaks in here.
No!
[ screams ]
Not again.
- You freak! [ sobs ]
- [ door slams ]
[ rapid footsteps ]
Yegor's voice:
Something is not good.
Yeah.
No shit, Sherlock.
- [ gasps ]
- Jackie: Not this time.
[ yells ]
[ groaning ]
Now I k*ll you.
- k*ll you, k*ll you.
- [ screams ]
No! No!
Power low.
[ squirting ]
[ Tatoya grunts ]
[ moans ]
Jackie:
William, no accident.
- No, don't.
- [ grunting ]
- Jackie: Don't.
- Jackie, no!
- [ loud thud ]
- [ growls ]
Yegor's voice:
It will be hard to k*ll her
if we are dead ourselves.
Yeah? Well,
all we can do is try.
[ panting ]
[ grunts ]
[ footsteps echo ]
[ panting ]
[ gasps ]
- [ grunts ]
- [ groans ]
Whoa!
[ screams ]
[ grunts ]
[ Tatoya whimpering ]
Please!
Help me!
Ooh!
Some shizzle's
going on there, my nizzle.
[ whimpering continues ]
Please...
help me.
I... beg you.
Thank you, you're...
[ pants ]
very compassionate man.
Actually...
we just want
our ring back.
No! No!
[ screams ]
[ gurgling scream ]
[ grunts ]
Yegor's voice:
Good riddance.
[ panting ]
We gotta--
Gotta get back
to the Doctor.
Yegor's voice:
There is our way out.
[ groans ]
Jackie.
[ Ivanov murmuring ]
Which leads us
exactly...
where we need...
to be.
I broke you.
I broke you!
[ electricity crackling ]
No, no.
[ beeps ]
[ distorted ]
William...
[ screeching tires ]
[ echoes ]
Mr. Cole!
- Is everything all right?
- She's dying.
- She's almost out of power.
- Uh...
that's bad.
Soon she could be dead.
Kaput!
[ blows raspberry ]
Can you help us,
or not?
Um... well,
I--
Oh, wait!
Wait one minute.
I'll be right back.
Hang on, dear.
[ groans ]
[ Pavel grunting ]
Mr. Cole,
I'm just a fix-it man
from Moscow.
If I stick
your wife with these,
she could light up
like pinball machine.
I'll try anything.
- Okay.
- [ electricity crackles ]
Clear.
[ electricity crackles ]
Th-- Th-- Th--
That-- That's enough!
[ whirring ]
Hey, it worked!
It worked!
W-W-William?
Yes, Jackie.
I'm here.
Where did we go?
[ beeps ]
On a long trip.
Are we there yet?
Almost, dear.
Almost.
Until we see
each other again...
I wanted you to have that.
I love you...
William.
I love you too, Jackie.
[ beeping fades ]
[ sobbing ]
[ cell phone rings ]
- Yes, Doctor?
- Pavel,
great news.
I have finally
found a solution.
That's good. There are
dead bodies everywhere.
My goodness.
That's terrible.
Eh, plenty spare part.
Excellent.
Load them up
and bring them back to me
as soon as possible.
- Every single one.
- Oh...
- No! Doctor, I--
- [ line clicks,
dial tone ]
"Bring them
back to me, Pavel.
Every single one."
[ huffs ]
Don't work it--
Ooh!
Oh! Ah!
Ooh.
No! Stop!
- [ twangs ]
- No! Stop, body!
- [ thuds ]
- Oh.
No, no...
body!
[ cries ]
No!
Thank you! Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen!
It is a great honor
to be here today
to receive the nobel prize.
I have always
loved Stockholm.
I only wish
my friend and mentor,
Comrade Alex Alexander
Alexandervich
could've been here today
to share this honor with me.
However-- Never mind.
In his immortal words...
"Before you forget
to remember,
you must remember
to forget."
- [ applause ]
- Thank you.
Yegor, you have
any idea how much
$1,000,000 is?
Yegor's voice:
No, but I'm willing
to learn.
Yegor's voice:
The brain damage fund
is good foundation.
Yegor's voice:
Is good for corporate image
and is tax deductible.
Yegor's voice:
What we movers and shakers
call a win-win situation.
Yeah yeah.
These charity events
make me nervous.
Yegor's voice:
You'd better get used
to the feeling, partner.
Jackie, can you
help me with my tie?
Sure.
There you go.
Looking sharp, William.
Thank you, dear.
You look beautiful tonight.
I do, don't I?
- I'll drive.
- Yegor's voice:
Yes, you will, piss-poor driver.
- [ hip-hop music plays ]
- Pavel: ♪ Yeah, give me
another one ♪
♪ Of those pile
of levs over there,
the thousand lev ♪
♪ What do you think
I am, fool? ♪
♪ No, I don't take that ♪
♪ Pavel Grekev here--
Better recognize ♪
♪ Welding bodies together
with P-Money at my side ♪
- ♪ Uh uh ♪
- ♪ Hah! ♪
♪ Check it out--
Iron curtain down ♪
♪ Catch the 4:30
from Ukrainian Town ♪
♪ Fused and sewn together
like Ivanov's hard scowl ♪
♪ You are the man! ♪
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Kick it, fool! ♪
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Two brains in pain,
we'll make one new
with no shame ♪
♪ Mr. Nobel prize
is my nickname ♪
♪ Sugar cane ♪
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Ivanov is the man
who can set your
brain right ♪
♪ Twisting cerebellum
to make it wrap tight ♪
♪ Harvard ain't got
nothing on this Russian
soul might ♪
♪ Connect the brain,
time to engage the rage
that Pavel can sage ♪
- ♪ Ain't no thang ♪
- ♪ Uh, uh ♪
♪ Red Bull! ♪
♪ You wanna operate too?
Fool! ♪
♪ You ain't got
what it takes to make
two hemispheres shake ♪
♪ You got an aneurysm ♪
♪ But you're too dumb
to see the schism ♪
♪ We can't waste time
with you, now you're
in school ♪
♪ Fusing two brains together
makes a Bravoda host,
true? ♪
♪ Host, true! ♪
♪ Give me some more
of them levs ♪
♪ Get the stuff,
fetch two ♪
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Ha ha! ♪
♪ P-Money's my robot,
electrifies with one shot! ♪
♪ Think not?
I send him after your ass ♪
♪ For some mechanical
hip-hop ♪
♪ Take it, Money! ♪
[ crowd cheers ]
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Mengianoma ♪
♪ Until you 'vance me
affirmations in places
where I own ya ♪
♪ Don't try to say it,
you'll just spray it ♪
♪ Your brain's been claimed
by Williams and Sonoma ♪
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Rolling the Cadillacs
near the Volga ♪
♪ More laughs
for the mile, my rhymes
leave you in a pile ♪
♪ Never crack a smile
all the while ♪
♪ Cerebral cortex churning
with style, punk! ♪
♪ You're stuck
at the Kroger food aisle ♪
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ Uh uh ♪
♪ More laughs
for the mile. ♪
[ stammers ]
Man with the Screaming Brain (2005)
Moderator: Maskath3
Watch on Amazon Sci-Fi Merch Collectables
Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Sci-Fi movie collection.
Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Sci-Fi movie collection.