sh**t!
No!
I didn't mean sh**t.
I mean, like, sh**t.
I gave him my g*n.
Excuse me, miss.
Is this man bothering you?
Who are you?
Super Nerd?
Ed.
Ed Gruberman.
Gruber-Man?
What are you going to do?
Gruberize me?
Don't worry, Gruber-Man.
I can take care of this.
What do we have here?
You can call me Red.
No kidding.
Uh, the mugger's right.
We can definitely come up
with a better name for you.
Quiet!
Don't you see
that I'm working here?
Aah!
One, two, three, four... Wow.
Hey! Who did this to you? Huh?
Speak up. Who are we suing?
Gruber-Man, superhero.
Bingo. Oh, bingo!
Another case
of superhero abuse.
Oh-ho!
You're going to be rich.
But I'm going to be richer.
Ha-ha!
So how you doing?
You feeling all right?
You're all right. Uh-huh.
I wonder how much that window's
going to cost, though.
Because you are going
to pay for that, jackass.
- Huh?
- Huh?
You've got some nerve.
Gee, thanks.
You know, you're not
so bad yourself, Red.
Or should I call you
My Lady in Red?
I told you
I could've handled it.
How dare you interfere
in my affairs!
I have half a mind
to burn you to a crisp.
On the other hand,
you are kind of cute.
Cops! I was never here.
Oh, I...
Gruberman.
Wow. You guys got here fast.
We saw it all on YouTube.
Our boys will take you down to the
Great Superheroes Hall of Justice
on charges of using
your superpowers
to as*ault an innocent citizen.
"Innocent citizen"?
Whoa, I don't think so, guys.
Ask her...
Ask who?
Sh-She was right here. Yeah.
She had red beams
that sh*t out of her eyes.
No, seriously! Red! Tell
it to the judge. Come on.
Red! Officer!
Red!
Ow! Ow!
Ow!
So there I was,
about to knock a guy
into the outfield...
my finest moment... only to be
hauled off to jail for it.
Later, I realized that this
was the pivotal moment
of my life.
But for you to understand, maybe I
should show you how I got here.
Up until then, I had spent my life
employed as a wannabe superhero...
Oh!
...posing for pictures
and showing up
to movie premieres,
and, uh, delivering
singing telegrams.
¶¶
¶ I'm your superhero
to save the day ¶
¶ Ta-da ¶
As you've probably
noticed by now,
I'm not your typical superhero.
But for some reason...
call it destiny
or divine intervention...
I chose not to take off my
costume that fateful evening.
Mr. Gruberman,
after reviewing your case,
I find you undoubtedly guilty
of viciously assaulting the
plaintiff with a two-by-four.
You have brought dishonor
to all superheroes.
May it please the court...
Your Honor, this case
makes me ashamed
to be an American.
I mean, what has
this country become
when a good, hard-working
citizen like my client,
trying to make
an honest living,
only to be brutally att*cked
in the middle of the night
by this supposed, uh,
cape-wearing... superhero?
Is it not bad enough
that we have to watch
sequel after sequel
of their horrible movies?
I mean, imagine my client
having to go to his three...
I mean five... I mean seven...
...seven children
and having to explain
his poor facial
disfigurement... Uh, Your...
...when he was an ugly man
to begin with.
He was mugging Red! Objection!
He was not, Your Honor.
That is a comic book
fantasy of his.
I mean, no one even
names themselves Red.
Sustained.
Sustained? Sustained!
All we have to go on
is this video
that doesn't show
this Red person at the scene.
Bailiff, knock it off!
God!
It's the plaintiff's word
against yours.
Mm-hmm.
Now, do you have anything
to say in your defense?
Anything at all?
Hi.
Yes, I do, Your Honor.
I had a very unusual childhood.
My parents were Mort
and Peggy Gruberman,
tightrope artists
for a traveling circus.
I was actually born
during one of their shows.
Mom and Dad tried to instill
two strong values:
One was to always
go to church...
...no matter where I was.
The other was to make sure
that we never missed
an episode...
...of our hero,
the Dark Winged Vesper.
He was on orphaned hero
among heroes.
No superpowers, just a normal
human being... Help me!
...fighting for
the good of mankind.
Is there not a heroic gentleman
who's willing to save
a poor girl...
Like the Dark Winged Vesper,
I, too, lost my parents
in a mysterious accident.
They were performing
a routine stunt,
one they had done
hundreds of times before.
My mom did a somersault
in the air,
and my dad caught her while
holding on to the tightrope
with only his toes.
But this time...
...someone wearing
a dark spandex suit
swung in on a rope
from the top of the tent pole
and cut the tightrope.
They tumbled down, bounced up
high off the safety net
and ripped a hole through
the roof of the tent.
Fortunately, they landed
safely in the street,
and actually
would have been fine,
except as they were brushing
themselves off,
a short yellow bus
accidentally backed over them.
Oh! Aw, crap!
Oh!
Ugh!
They never found the man
in the dark spandex suit.
But from that day forward,
I made a vow
that I would be
like the Dark Winged Vesper
and avenge
my mom and dad's death.
You are a fan
of the Dark Winged Vesper?
Oh, yes!
And today on my way home,
I saw a man aiming a g*n
at an innocent woman,
and I said to myself,
"What would
the Dark Winged Vesper do?"
So I hit that man in the face
with a two-by-four.
Mr. Gruber-Man,
if you were not a superhero,
I would throw the book at you.
But...
you are a superhero,
aren't you?
Me? Uh, uh, yes. Yes, I am.
And what are your powers?
Well, you know, my powers
are in development,
and, um,
you know...
Mm-hmm. Well, Gruber-Man,
in view of the tragic story
of your childhood
and your devotion
to the Dark Winged Vesper,
I'm going to
have to sentence you
to pay damages to the plaintiff
for the sum of one dollar.
Objection!
Hey, watch out, man.
You hit my hand.
Objection, Your Honor.
That's... That's absurd.
Okay, listen, listen.
I've had enough out of you.
Now sit down.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What if I were to tell you
I could probably find
this Red character,
and her testimony
would send both you
and your idiot client
up the river
for a very long time?
That would be bad for me.
But for him, I don't care.
Send him up the river.
But, Your Honor,
in all honesty,
may I have the payment,
if you wouldn't mind,
in cash?
Pay the man.
Oh, uh...
I...
Thank you.
And here's your cut.
Just ain't no justice,
is there?
Ta-ta.
So, um, I guess I'll be going.
You may be a disgrace
as a superhero,
but you're a superhero
nonetheless.
And this city needs all
the superheroes it can get.
So therefore, I'm going
to sentence you
to a halfway house
for superheroes in training.
You will be
a Super Caper member.
There you will be forced
to develop your powers
and be held accountable
for your actions.
Should you violate
this court order,
I will send you to jail
for the rest of your
natural-born life.
If you agree to these
terms, sign here.
Aah.
Bailiff!
Not again!
I don't want any more capes
in my courtroom.
You understand me?
Court's adjourned.
So this is it...
the start of my new life
as a superhero.
Think they'd give you
a newer cab,
at least one with a roof, huh?
Then we wouldn't have
air conditioning,
now would we?
That big house
is where I'm headed.
I'm, uh... I'm gonna
be a superhero.
Oh, big deal.
I used to be
a superhero myself.
A superhero? Really? Who?
I was Manbat.
Would you like an autograph?
Oh, heck, yeah. Sure.
No charge.
Oh, thanks.
Good luck.
Wow, Manbat.
My breath was taken away
when I saw the outside
of my superhero hideaway.
Oh!
I could get used to this.
¶ Raindrops keep falling
on my head ¶
¶ Just like the guy
whose feet ¶
¶ Are too big for his bed ¶
¶ Nothing seems to fit ¶
¶ Those raindrops
are falling on my head ¶
¶ They keep falling ¶
¶ So I just did me ¶
¶ Some talking to the sun ¶
Ed Gruberman,
new superhero for hire.
I may not look like much,
but I am sharp as a whip.
Where's your luggage?
Aw, crap!
Here.
Don't want you
getting my floor wet.
Thanks.
Oh, wow.
So, uh, you're...
Boogerman, is it?
No. Gruberman. Yeah.
That's good.
I didn't want to think
what kind of superpowers
Boogerman would have.
So you're Sarge, my mentor.
Me Gruberman, you Sarge.
You know, I can't help
but imagine all the superheroes
who have walked
down this hall, huh?
I mean, years and years
of training new recruits,
only to see them go out
and save the world.
I've only been here six months.
Oh.
Are you coming or not?
Yes, right.
Show me the villains.
I am ready to kick some butt.
This ain't no superhero
movie, Gruberman.
You get out there in the field
and you screw up
with the real bad guys,
you can't holler "cut"
and sh**t the scene over again.
Now come on.
Let's go meet
the rest of your team.
Sarge is right.
If this was a superhero movie,
my character would have
run off to the Grubercave
with Red by my side.
¶¶
Oh, yeah.
Hey, space cadet.
Can we get on with this?
Oh, yeah.
This is the lounge
where most of the Super Capers
hang out at.
You can learn something
from those slackers.
Attention, everyone.
I want y'all to meet
our newest member,
Ed Gruberman.
I trust y'all will
make him feel welcome.
Welcome to Super Capers.
Excuse me, miss.
Can I have a glass
of ice water?
I suppose you think
because I'm a woman
behind a counter
that I'm supposed
to wait on you?
Well, maybe you've
heard this old joke,
but how many men does
it take to open a beer?
Hmm? None.
It should be open
when she brings it.
Very well, then, Your Highness.
Oh, it's cold.
That's Felicia Freeze.
Next time, I'll ask
for it without ice.
Your head is so big.
You know, Mother always said,
"If you can't say
something nice,
don't say anything at all."
I'm sorry.
It's just... your head...
I know, I know!
It's big, it's big.
It's a great big head.
Thanks for noticing.
Maybe that's why
they call me Brainard.
First name Herman.
You know, there are benefits
to an oversized head.
What are your superpowers?
Oh, well...
Hello. My name is Q.
Hi. You must be Ed.
Your name is Herbert.
This isn't 007.
You can call me Q.
So, Ed, is it?
This is my sidekick, Robo, Ed.
What kind of superhero is this?
Look at your puny arms.
What a girly-man you are, Ed.
He sounds just like...
No. No, he doesn't.
I'll be back.
Anyhoo, I'm the gadget man.
I'll be responsible
for anything you might need.
I shall also be
designing your outfit.
Oh, great! Can I help you?
No. That will not be necessary.
Plenty of sources
of inspiration out there.
Come on, Robo.
Hasta la vista, girly-man.
Oh!
Ow.
Hey, my commercial's on.
Will Powers, superhero here.
When I'm out there
fighting evildoers,
sometimes it helps
to have a car
to throw at them.
Do I want just any car? No.
I need a car that is gonna
crush their spineless bodies
and survive the impact.
So I turn to Jeffrow Motors.
Hey, have a hot wife?
Bring her in, get a new car.
It'll be a great trade.
Best bang for your buck.
Hubcaps are extra.
So remember, if you're gonna
trade in that old car,
think Jeffrow Motors.
If you're trading
that hottie wife,
think Will Powers.
Just joking.
Not really, though.
Will Powers... superhero
making super deals
for super people like you.
Wasn't that great?
How about it, Puffer Boy?
Uh, special effects
were awesome.
What special effects?
I wanted to get a Ferrari,
but Mother made me
get a Hyundai.
It was disgusting.
Reawr.
What about you, Ed?
What did you think?
Oh, I loved it.
Um, Mr. Powers,
do you think
it would be possible
for me to get an autograph?
I don't get paid
enough for this.
Yeah, no. We... We
can do that later.
So, why do they
call you Puffer Boy?
When I get scared,
I blow up like a pufferfish.
Really?
Yeah.
That's interesting.
You know, I saw this whole
documentary about pufferfish...
Oh, wow.
You weren't joking. Nice.
So how do you change back?
Well, that's the fun part.
Pull my spike.
Quite the ladies' man,
aren't you?
Will! Will! I did it.
I was able to develop my power.
Look.
See? I can create fire.
That's amazing!
We shall call you...
Igniter Boy.
Well, I don't know
about amazing.
It was like a match
or candlelight or...
Can you make it go higher?
Ooh, and brighter.
I don't know. Let me try.
Careful, Igniter Boy.
Okay, that was amazing.
Can he do it again?
He's gone.
Okay, if any other superheroes
have a one-time power,
please hold off
on showing it to us.
Hey, listen up, g*ng.
We got a Code 6.
Cretan's back.
He took control
of two armored trucks
and he's camped
at the Main Street Bridge.
Come on, Puffer, let's go.
Will, you take newbie with you,
and show him some excitement.
I don't know, Sarge.
It takes quite a bit
to excite this guy.
Just ask Igniter Boy.
What the hell
is he talking about?
Gotta go! Code 6!
What the hell
is he talking about?
Yes, Mother, I'm wearing
clean underwear.
So I bet Herbert built you
guys, like, a super jet
or a m*ssile-f*ring
supermobile, right?
Herbert's a great inventor,
but you know he's a big
movie buff, don't you?
So?
Let's just say
he doesn't get points
for originality
in his inventions.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
Wow!
The inside looks like
one of those space movies.
Yeah, this baby is decked out.
Q even put a tracking device
on the key chain
because I kept losing
the RV at the mall.
Hey, what's that
blue flashing light do?
That's what makes
time travel possible.
Really?
I don't know. Maybe.
What do you mean?
Nobody knows if it works.
A decked-out RV won't
get up to 88 miles an hour.
Then what's it for?
To get us from
point A to point B.
But it looks cool, huh?
Hey, Ed, since this
is your first gig,
you want to drive? Yeah!
I bet you would.
Too bad you'd only wreck it.
Tell you what
I'm gonna do, though.
I'm gonna punch in
the date and time
as your first mission.
At least this contraption
will be good for something.
Okay, Super Capers...
Let's move! Let's fly!
We said...
Super Capers, let's roll.
Come on.
Go. No, go. I thought you...
How about rock?
That's not bad. I like that.
Super Capers... Let's rock!
Whoo!
Move 'em out!
Sure, I'm just a human
and have no real abilities
like my superhero friends...
so I duck down
behind a squad car.
No sense in getting
in their way.
What are you doing?
Oh, uh, I'm, uh...
Just checking these cars
for gas leaks.
Oh, is that one
of your special powers?
Could be.
Jealous?
Will Powers?
They came out of nowhere.
Overturned one
of the armored trucks
and started ransacking the gold.
They?
His buddy's inside
the other armored truck.
Okay, Officer,
I'll take it from here.
I just want you to know
I'm a big fan.
Is there any chance
I can get your autograph?
Sure! Anything
for one of L.A.'s finest.
Okay.
Oh, well, how about
a picture, huh?
Yeah.
Will! The Cretan. Remember?
Right on it, doll face.
A little music
should set the mood.
¶ We need Will Powers ¶
Excuse me, guys.
¶ He's got the looks
and the charm ¶
¶ And he's fit for the fight ¶
¶ He's got real powers ¶
The jig is up,
my mischievous foes.
Who is that I hear?
Will Powers?
They couldn't send
a real superhero,
so they had to send you.
If it isn't Captain Sludge.
Or should I say
"Captain Fudge"?
What? That's funny.
Never mind.
Your diabolical plan ends here.
Gaah!
And who is gonna stop us? You?
Wow. Watching Will in action
makes me appreciate why
I wanna be a Super Caper.
This isn't as bad as I thought.
He is gonna save the day.
We are heroes.
I've noticed you've gained
a little weight there.
And are those gray hairs I see
coming through
those highlights?
Will, what's wrong?
Are you... Aah!
What just happened?
Sludge knows Will's weakness.
What about you?
When are you gonna
use your powers?
I-I'm working on it.
I just need more time.
Well, while you wait
for puberty to kick in,
we're moving on.
Puffer Boy, what's the plan?
Me?
Oh, boy.
There, there.
It's okay.
Don't look at me.
Mother's phone call
triggered a migraine.
Do you know how painful
a migraine is
with a head this size?
Will! Will, you gotta
snap out of it.
Look away. I'm hideous.
Will, you're fit,
you're strong,
you're charismatic,
and you're really good-looking.
Really?
Wait a minute.
Are you gay?
No.
I'm totally straight.
Which proves how really
good-looking you are.
Sorry, Ed.
It'll take months for me
to get my groove back.
It's up to you, buddy.
What are you doing?
I'm praying for help.
Are you serious?
This whole time you've been
keeping this a secret from us?
I'm sorry?
Whoa! Hey, guys!
Hold up. Check this out.
Attention, Captain Sludge.
I have a news flash for you.
Oh, pansy boy is back.
This ought to be good.
You better pray for forgiveness
while you still can.
What?
And why, pray tell?
Exactly.
This is Ed Gruberman,
one of the greatest
superheroes of all time.
Well, um...
He has the right hand
of God on his side.
Oh, really?
Well...
Go, Cretan.
It's you against God, baby!
Uh, Will, I think
you might have
misunderstood me.
If you're gonna
use your powers,
you'd better do it now, Ed.
But, Will... Now!
I was cornered.
What would
the Dark Winged Vesper do?
I... I had no idea,
so I just shouted
the first thing
that came into my head.
Dear God, flatten thy enemy.
Smite him with your smiter.
Oh, God!
I'm walking through the shadow
of Death Valley with you
and I pledge allegiance to you,
so b*at this evil brute
for the republic
for which you stand.
So help me, I do! Shalom!
You did it, buddy.
I did.
I... I mean, I did!
But how?
Oh, great!
He really does have
the power of God.
Cretan! Up!
Horns down.
Let this be a warning.
You don't mess with
the powers of Ed Gruberman.
Yeah! I'll, uh...
I'll ask the Lord
to lay the smackdown.
Yeah, high-five! Whoohoo! Ow!
This isn't over!
We will be back, Mr. Gruberman!
Nice work, Gruberman.
Just remember,
I'll always be number one.
Super Capers!
Should we go after them?
Oh, no, no.
It's only the first act.
We gotta keep
the viewer interested.
Let 'em live
to fight another day.
Hey, uh, you want
my autograph, don't ya?
Huh. Who do you think you are?
Will Powers?
I, uh... I guess
I underestimated you.
The power of prayer.
Huh. Hmm.
Well done, everyone.
Well done, Gruberman!
Your Honor.
You were here? Of course.
I always like keeping track
of the beneficiaries
of my mercy.
The Dark Winged Vesper
would be very proud of you!
Keep up the good work.
We're late. Let's boogie!
Ciao.
Driver, drive, drive!
I can't believe it.
The light post
accidentally gave way
at just the right moment
we needed it to,
and I look like
a great superhero.
Maybe you are
looking out for me.
Thanks.
Hey, Ed!
Sarge is on the phone!
He wants to personally
thank you
for letting the bad guys go!
He's also yelling
something about
physically removing your legs
to kick your butt with!
Dear Lord, if you do
give me special powers,
incredible speed would be
really useful about now.
Help me! Help me!
Is there not a heroic gentleman
who's willing to save
a poor girl in danger?
Shut up, you dame, before
I pump you full of lead.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Is this thug bothering you?
It's the Dark Winged Vesper,
my hero.
The Dark Winged Vesper?
Oh, no!
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Bang! Aah!
Aah!
Dark Vesper,
how will I repay you?
Now, now, miss.
Although we may starve,
a superhero fights for justice.
We do not need rewards
for performing
acts of kindness.
Hmm.
No need to starve.
Let me make you dinner
tonight at my place.
Goulash. Um.
Ah, the Dark Winged Vesper.
Here was a hero that had class.
Like my idol, I think
I'm really starting
to prove myself
as a worthy superhero.
Last week on the bridge,
I showed great potential.
I'm no longer that kid that
would sit around in his tights.
I've moved up to boxers.
Hey.
I really appreciate
your keeping me company
while I help Mother do laundry.
Ah, don't mention it.
I've been wearing
this suit for a week,
and I think it's beginning
to develop a super stench.
Gertrude! Gertrude, look.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, Gertrude, look.
This is the superhero
I was telling you about.
He talks to God
and God answers his prayers.
Well, I wouldn't put it
exactly like that.
Well, really, if he
really is in touch with God
and he's some sort
of superhero prophet,
why is he half naked?
Jesus loves me.
That's got to count
for something, right?
Oh, Eddie, you are
far too modest.
You saved everybody
on that bridge and you know it.
I was there, too, Mother.
Herman, it is impolite
to interrupt.
Why must everything
always revolve around you?
But, Mother...
Oh, please,
stop this jibber jabbering
and go get my panties
out of the dryer.
Yes, Mother.
Eddie, I was wondering,
since you talk to God,
whether you could ask him
if I'm going to heaven.
Oh.
Oh, oh! Me, too. Me, too.
And what about my cat?
I cannot go to heaven
without my cat.
Now, and my arthritis
is bothering me.
Could you heal me?
Oh... Wait a minute. Wait.
If he's going to heal you...
I want you to look at my
canker sore, right there.
Could you take a look at it?
There. It's just right...
You can touch it.
Oh, thanks.
But it's the size
of a dung beetle.
It is enormous.
It's my turn!
Is that a Bingo Hall
I see across the street?
Bingo? Oh!
Bingo? Let's go!
I'm going to win!
Not this time, you old bat.
Hey, where'd they go?
I... Yeah. Hmm.
Mother, I told you
not to wander.
Hey, that's the judge.
What do you suppose
he was putting in the trunk?
Let's go.
I don't know.
Hey, why don't
we call him and ask him?
Uh, we can't do that.
Deposit 25 cents, please.
Yeah, I used all my quarters
at the Laundromat.
Ooh! Let's follow him.
Uh, we can't do that, either.
All right.
We'll go play Bingo
with your mother
and she can tell me
why a grown man in his 50s
still sleeps in the same bed
as his mother.
Hey.
You know, Herbert Q.
Did design a radar system
so we could follow
without being noticed.
And for the record,
Mother and I
have separate beds.
Yeah. Sounds like
years of therapy.
And they're at least
You know, Your Honor,
there's this really ugly RV
that's been following us
for a while.
Yes, yes, I know.
Let's just remain
inconspicuous.
Those dysfunctional heroes
are falling right into my trap.
Herman, don't you think
we're following
a little too close?
I mean, we got 'em on radar.
Yeah, but it only has
a 20-foot range.
Then what good is it?
It might get foggy.
Okay.
Hey, uh...
Hey, Brainard.
You know Felicia and...
Do you think a girl like her
and a guy like me
could ever...
Oh. Oh, yeah. Sure.
If God floods the entire world
and you two
are the sole survivors.
So you're saying
we got a chance, huh?
Great!
You know, you could
be thinking of a plan.
All right, look.
We're never gonna catch up
to him in this thing.
Hey, why don't you use
your mind thing
and pop open the trunk.
No problem.
¶¶
What are you doing?
I'm making a sound effect.
No superhero can use his powers
without a good sound effect
in the background.
Come on, help me out. Really?
I'm not doing it without...
All right. Okay.
¶¶
Hey, you did it!
Yeah.
It's amazing I did
with all that racket
you were making
in the background.
Couldn't hear myself think.
Oh, great.
The trunk just popped open.
I know. I've been trying
to fix it for the longest time,
but I'm having a lot
of trouble with the latch.
There's a body bag,
but I can't make it out.
Can you unzip the zipper?
I still can't make it out.
Maybe if you lift
the body up a little bit.
Seems to be caught
on something.
Hold on. Let me give
it one good tug.
Uh-oh.
Eww!
See how stiff it was?
Yeah. Rigor mortis
must have kicked in.
Hey! What happened?
I thought we had
a mannequin back here.
We did.
You don'tsuppose
that he escaped
and he's gonna turn us in?
You know what?
You're depriving
some village of its idiot.
Okay? Now, come on.
Get the stuff out of here.
Looks like they're
getting rid of the evidence.
I want to see
what's in that bag.
You know, this vehicle
can camouflage itself.
Let's just wait
until after they leave.
Are you kidding me?
We have a cloaking device?
Number One,
ready the cloaking device.
Engage.
Schmucks.
Herman, when you said
the vehicle
could camouflage itself,
this isn't exactly
what I had in mind.
You're right! I forgot
to paint our faces!
Eyes closed.
Wait.
Wait right here.
There's something strange
about all this.
Take some time to
figure out what to do.
Whoo! It's mine!
I'm rich! It's all mine.
Is everything all right?
What's in the bag?
Mind your own business!
Stuck.
They're all mine.
I'm rich!
Huh?
So, do we got something
on the judge?
Oh, yeah. You bet we do. What?
Littering.
Littering?
Hey, it's no joke.
Littering!
Wow! That scumbag!
Yeah!
Well, lookie here.
Look who decided
to join the party.
I've been trying to get
in touch with you.
Your suit's done.
My suit? Really?
Tell him, Edward.
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Um, I gotta tell you
about today.
Well, we were
at the Laundromat...
And Ed stripped down
to his boxers.
Oh, this should be good.
Brainard.
What? You did.
Anyway, we're following
this limo, right?
And lo and behold... Look,
Ed, why don't you and Robo
go on down there and try
your suits on, okay?
I gotta take this phone call.
And when y'all get back up,
we'll talk about it, okay?
Oh, yeah. No. Sure.
No harm done.
All right, listen, Herman.
Not a peep until I get back.
I want to see
the look on their faces.
Oh, yeah.
The sanitation engineers
will be giddy.
I'm calling Mom.
Let's take the
elevator, girly-man,
look at your new suit.
Wow!
Look at this place!
Well, the cat's out
of the bag, Herbert.
We know where you
get your inspiration.
Herbert?
Why don't you call his name
like you got a pair, girly-man?
Hmm? Q!
Pretty good, huh?
Oh. Sorry.
Didn't hear you come in.
Here to see your outfit, are you?
Yeah.
Well, I think you'll love this.
Although I have to admit,
I did have some problems.
Hey, you got one
beautiful-looking blue eye.
What say you and I go
split a can of 30-weight...
Hey, you... With detergent?
Felicia?
I'm... I'm normally
not this forward, but...
you're different than the rest.
Maybe it's your faith
or that bumbling charm,
but I respect a hero
who stands by
what he believes in.
It shows a great deal
of innocence
that cannot be
corrupted by evil.
Aw, crap. She's onto me.
And I... I wanted
to help Herbert
put some of that pureness
into your... costume.
Herbert!
Oh. How'd that get there?
Sorry.
Q! Felicia!
I don't know what to say.
You should try it on.
Felicia...
Yes, Ed?
Well... gotta go.
This is the part of the story
that usually turns to mush.
Well, I have many, many hours
of countless
inspirational films
that we have to watch.
Come on, Robo.
Hasta la vista, girly-man.
Ooh!
Ow.
What kind of a name
is "Gruberman," anyway?
I don't know.
As you were saying?
Felicia...
I've been noticing you, too.
Whenever you're around, I...
I get this feeling of warmth.
Really?
Tell me more.
I mean, I know
they say you have
the power to freeze... Mm-hmm.
...and that you're a cold
and heartless woman...
And, oh, I saw the men behind
your back make fun of you.
They call you Ice Queen.
And we even have
this "Grrr" sign we do
that is actually quite funny.
Shh!
Maybe you just shouldn't talk.
Mmm.
Everyone's gonna be so jealous!
So, Felicia, um,
how about you don't
freeze my head anymore?
I think it causes brain damage.
That would require
a brain to damage.
Ta-da! What...
What do you think?
Wow.
You really do have
an inner glow about you.
Well, let's go kick
some evil butt, huh?
Oh. And by the way,
I heard what you said.
What did I say?
Yeah, I don't know.
But you said something.
Maybe it's that brain damage.
You know, it clogs the ears.
Reawr!
Not funny, Ed.
It's not funny at all.
Hey, look at the Super Gruber.
Ooh! Where have you two been?
New suit, huh?
Bet it's dry-clean only.
Um, actually, it's 100%
anti-glare leather,
so I look good
even when I'm fighting.
Wooah!
Listen, just because
you got a fancy new suit
doesn't mean that
you're number one.
You know, people will
always look up to me.
I am Will Powers.
That is my picture on the wall.
Hey!
...10-month-long
investigation...
Look, that's us on TV.
What we found may shock you.
It will almost certainly
make you think twice
before ordering
your next burger.
¶¶
Last week's robbery
on the Main Street Bridge
was interrupted by
the heroic Super Capers.
Unfortunately,
cleaned up the scene,
there were still $20 million
worth of gold bars
that were unaccounted for.
Now, speculations have led
to Captains Sludge and Cretan
taking off with them
during their escape.
However, the suspects are
still nowhere to be found.
When asked about the reason
for the villains' escape,
this is what local
law enforcement had to say.
Hi, Mom!
We're on air.
Oh. Sorry.
Yeah, so me and the guys
were about to stop Cretan.
Then this new superhero,
Ed Gruberman, said,
"Nah. We have to keep
the viewer interested."
Or something like that.
Didn't really make
much sense to me.
Then he asked me
if I wanted his autograph,
like he was a celebrity
of something.
Okay. Well, there you have it.
And, Ed Gruberman,
if you're out there
and you're watching,
thanks for letting
the bad guys get away,
you moron.
That can't be good.
Mr. Gruberman.
I am Special Agent Smith.
This is my partner
and twin brother.
Special Agent Smith 2.
Yeah.
We just saw
the news special on TV,
and we are placing you
under arrest
for the theft
of the missing bouillon.
Yeah!
I told you to stop that.
Wow. You guys are fast.
Um, seriously, though,
I need to talk to you.
Hey, listen up!
I run this misfit operation.
You can't just come barge in
here, arresting who you want.
And besides, it'd be
a cold day in hell
before I believe Ed's a thief.
That-a-boy, Sarge.
You tell 'em.
Yeah. You know?
It's exactly
like the Sarge said...
I've never stole
anything in my life.
Never stolen anything, hmm?
"Property of
Warner Bros. Studios"?
Wait. No! Q!
Aw, crap.
We received
an anonymous tip today
regarding the whereabouts
of the missing bouillon.
Yeah.
We followed up on said call,
and we found this sign
by the side of the road,
right next to where the
missing bouillon was buried.
How could you be so stupid?
The devil made me do it.
Look, I was gonna give it back.
I mean, it's not like I can
go to a bank and cash it in.
So I don't suppose you have
any kind of
account number on you?
Actually, yes.
Yes, I do. Heh ha!
Ah.
Mm-hmm.
This is an offshore
account number
for the liquidation of gold.
Opened and signed...
huh... by you.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
This is your signature.
That...
Well, that was my paycheck.
Aw, crap.
Well, you know, uh...
a little glue...
that's probably
gonna be just fine.
I'm sorry, Agents.
You need m*llitary clearance
to come in here
and arrest someone.
Actually, we have it.
We also have
orders from the top
to shut Super Capers down,
effective immediately,
pending further investigation.
So we are placing
you all under arrest
on the theory
of your involvement
in the missing bouillon.
Well, unfortunately,
I still can't
let you arrest Ed.
Yeah! You tell 'em, Sarge.
Because I'm gonna k*ll him!
Aaahh! Sarge!
Please, you gotta believe me!
Agent guards!
Everybody in!
Two by twos. All right,
let's round them up.
Put them all in the van.
Yeah.
Your RV is also being impounded
for further investigation.
Hey, nobody fight back, man.
Just do what they say.
We'll get this all worked out.
Will. Will,
you gotta believe me.
It's the judge.
He's framing me.
Sure, he is. Here's an idea.
Why don't you just tell it
to the judge, klepto boy?
Oh, sorry.
Lies!
All lies!
Sarge. Listen, Sarge.
Now I know why Cretan
and Sludge got let go.
Everybody, back to the van.
Felicia. Felicia, please...
Don't ever talk to me again.
I thought you were different.
I'm gonna fix all this,
I promise!
Lies!
Lies!
Let me see your hands. Hands?
For the handcuffs.
You're going to prison.
Oh, boy.
Oh, great.
Agent Smith.
Just roll him out of here.
It'll be all right, Puffer Boy.
But I don't wanna be a chicken!
Ow! I say!
This is an outrage!
Nobody ever arrests
the sidekicks!
Get him, Robo!
Ooh! Are you scared to pick
on a man your own size?
I'll show you how to pick...
Get him outta here right now!
Let's go!
Ed, I'm going
to crush you... later!
I've got an itch.
Can you scratch me right...
At least the little guy
called me Ed.
Not you... Ed.
You're coming with us.
What?
Yeah.
Okay, they're all
accounted for.
We're bringing in Ed.
The rest of them will be...
taken care of, as you ordered.
Welcome to the judge's home.
Yeah.
This is what I've
been trying to say.
He's crooked.
I mean, look at this place.
Enjoy your stay.
Yeah.
Would you stop that already?
You've been a naughty boy.
Red?
Red, where have you been?
Did you know I was
sentenced by the judge
to become a superhero?
And then it ends up
he's a villain
and those agents work for him.
Plus, I'm not sure
they're really twins.
No.
Yeah.
Look at this place.
All bought with dirty money.
You read comic books.
You watch TV shows.
This place doesn't
look at all familiar?
You're right!
I should've
noticed this sooner!
This belongs
to the Dark Winged Vesper!
In... In comic issue 51,
he... he fought
the creature from Area 51
right in this very room.
This is his mansion! Wow!
When the Dark Winged Vesper
finds out that the judge
has taken over
his mansion, hoo!
He is going to be upset.
No worries now.
You adorable idiot.
News flash.
Bernard Raymond III
is the Dark Winged Vesper.
Then who's the judge?
The judge is
the Dark Winged Vesper.
Talk about
your identity crisis.
Which is it?
Shh. There's more.
I know that suit.
The person who
k*lled my parents
was wearing
that black spandex suit.
Why?
Because they were all out
of the pink suits that day.
You disappeared
for all these years.
I thought someone
had finally gotten you.
I looked up to you.
I wanted to be you.
And you said Ihad
the identity crisis.
Your boxers probably
got my name on them.
Ha! Wrong.
They say "Jesus Loves Me."
No, Ed. Look down.
Aw, crap.
Ooh.
Boxers.
Red.
Do you mind? Can we be alone?
Don't you have some
business to attend to?
I love it when she does that.
Look, Ed. I really like you.
So do what he says,
and we can have a night
beyond your imagination.
Ohh!
Yeah.
Don't listen to her.
She's obviously a villain.
And besides,
you're in love now...
with your lady in blue.
Do you always talk to yourself?
Crap. Meant to use
my inside voice.
Red! It's time.
Well, no matter.
Your lady in blue won't
be around long enough
for you to fall in love
with her, anyway.
What are you gonna do?
Why, k*ll all your
friends, of course.
What? Wait! Why?
Ciao.
You've gotta stop her.
Stop her?
Do you even know
why you're here?
Do you even know
how you got here?
Yeah. Your two g*ons
hauled me in here.
I don't think they're twins.
Do you know you're a
big part of my plan?
Right from the start?
I had Red set you up
so you'd end up
in my courtroom.
I got your signature from you
that day so I could open up
an offshore account
in your name.
I placed the account number
in your back pocket
that day we were on the bridge
when I patted you on the back.
Then you followed us
to where I left the evidence
that I wanted
the police to find.
But you didn't go to the cops.
Not yet.
Consider it blackmail.
What do you want?
What every good story needs:
A villain who tries
to get the good guy
to come over
to the dark side, Ed.
So...
you want me to help you
find a good guy.
It's not gonna be easy.
It's tough out there.
Does it have to be a guy?
Because there's Mrs. Fincher.
She's, like, 80, but...
No! Ed!
You're the good guy.
Me?
Well, then why are you
gonna k*ll my friends?
Man, what else is there
to do on a Tuesday night?
Some people just
have to be sacrificed.
Now, on a lighter note,
can you deny
the excitement you felt
when you held all that gold
in your hands? Hmm?
Give me a chance, Ed.
I can teach you how
to acquire such wealth
and show you how to enjoy it.
You must realize
that the Dark Winged Vesper
someday will need a hero
to take his place.
You, Ed.
You could be that hero.
Hmm. Now, come.
Look out the window
and watch the end of your
Super Caper friends.
Don't chose
the same fate, my boy.
Come.
Something is not right.
I just have
this horrible feeling
that Ed is innocent.
Well, you know...
For the record,
I'd just like to say Ed's
costume might've been borrowed.
And not very attractive.
We did chase the judge
with an unexplained
body bag in his trunk.
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
Trust me, innocence is not
one of Ed's abilities.
I saw him eyeing
the joint from day one.
They'll realize that
they made a mistake.
They'll unlock these doors,
and everything
is gonna be fine.
See? What'd I tell ya?
Huh? I'm surrounded by idiots.
Hello, boys. Remember me? Uh-oh.
It seems the judge has given me
the opportunity to end
all of your pathetic lives!
We're toast. Oh, crap.
Maybe Ed is number one.
Out!
All righty!
Now is the part
where we finish you...
...once and for all.
You're wrong.
I can make this place
look like a blizzard.
Ooh! Aah!
Ohh!
Oh. No, I'm okay. I'm okay.
Just knocked the wind outta me.
Hmm.
Never was one for cold weather.
Probably why I like
living in Alaska.
Definitely doesn't have
super intelligence. No.
I'm talking about global
warming, you pea brain.
You think humans
really cause all of that?
Oh.
Oh! Doesn't matter.
None of you are gonna be around
long enough to see it, anyway.
Well, except for me
because, uh,
you find me
irresistible, right?
Especially you...
old-timer.
I am sick and tired
of people calling me
old and fat!
Aah! Uhh!
k*ll them! k*ll them all!
A little music to set the mood.
¶ Will Powers, we
love you ¶ Get them!
I gotta go help Ed.
Go get him.
I am looking forward
to completing your training.
In time...
you will call me Master.
You're wrong.
Soon, I'll be dead,
and you with me.
Wait. Did I just say that?
Seems awfully familiar.
Uh, perhaps you refer
to the imminent att*ck
on your Super Caper friends.
I assure you...
we are quite safe
from your friends here.
Your overconfidence
is your weakness.
And your faith
in your friends is yours!
It is pointless
to resist, my son.
I knew it! What?
Well, this is exactly like the
scene from Return of the Jedi.
I mean, next you'll be
telling me you're my father.
Actually, that part was Empire.
But yes...
I am your father.
Search your feelings, Ed.
You know it to be true.
No.
No.
It can't be true.
That's impossible!
Enough!
Seriously!
It's so overdone, Ed!
A long time ago...
In a galaxy far, far away.
I used to have a woman
working for me,
named Peggy.
We were intimate.
She became pregnant.
It was too dangerous to keep
the both of you around,
so I sent her off
to join the circus.
She always loved the circus.
That's where she met
your stepfather, Mort.
That's where you k*lled them.
In my defense,
I just wanted to scare them.
It was a short yellow bus
that k*lled them.
Why?
To give you motivation.
It is one thing to want
to be a superhero.
It is another thing to want
to go after it for vengeance.
It brings out
the true evil in people.
Now look how far
you came because of me.
Rule the world with me
as father and son!
I'll never join you!
God, this is ridiculous!
There is no way
you came from my loins.
You've got too much
of your mother in you.
And there was this
funny rumor that you...
you could talk to God.
I mean, like you got some power
with the man upstairs.
Huh?
Maybe I do.
That is it! Agents!
k*ll him!
Oh, why does a villain
always have to have
idiots working for him?
Is it a criteria?
No wonder the good guys
always win.
I'll just do it myself.
What?
Oh, that's just disgusting!
Make a run for it.
Go help the others.
Thanks, Puffer Boy.
Oh! I'll take care of him.
Stick Boy, prepare
to meet your maker.
You don't scare me.
I'm not afraid of you.
Get out of my way!
I can't! I'm stuck!
Jump over me! Please!
Stop! Please!
Aw, crap...
Go!
Move out! Move out!
Come on!
Help me! Get back here!
You know, you would be
much stronger
if you just buy
my exercise DVD.
Ka-ching.
¶ Will Powers, we love you ¶
Hold on!
Ha!
Did you feel the burn?
And now, girly-man,
I'll crush you!
Well, now, allow me
to demonstrate
my newest product. What?
I call it a light sword.
Every true Super Caper
should have one.
Great horny toads,
it needs some adjusting.
Get this stupid...
Leave me alone.
I just want my...
Oh, come on, you...
Mother always said,
too much ha-ha?
Pretty soon, boo-hoo.
Boo-hoo.
Just one a minute.
Almost got it.
Almost done.
Just you unhand me!
I'm coming to get you!
Ya! Get 'em, Robo! Yeah, buddy!
Will!
Will, what can I do to help?
I got my hands full here.
Why don't you, uh,
go seek a higher power?
Aah! Do whatever you do.
Ed. I was wrong about you.
You are different
than the others.
You do have what it takes
to be a Super Caper,
and I believe in you.
Nasty.
Oooh...
I-I'll get help.
Careful with the RV, Ed.
Agents! Someone is
trying to get away!
Got you now, Sludge!
Get away from me, Fatty!
I'm not fat!
I told you this wasn't over.
Sludge!
I have you now!
Ha! Is that the best
you can do?
Oh, crap!
Ohhh!
Hey, Big Guy? I'm sorry
about the whole gold thing.
But if you're
looking out for me,
now would be
a good time to help.
Well, I guess I'll look
on the bright side.
We'll get to spend
an eternity together, huh?
We'll get to hang out,
watch movies,
tell some jokes,
play some Monopoly.
You'll be my new best friend!
Oh, no!
Oh, God, if there's any chance
I'm going to Heaven,
please give me a sign!
How ya doin'?
Wow...
You actually did it.
And this time machine
actually works.
I gotta tell Herbert!
Wait. Wait.
Where and when am I?
Oh, that's right.
Will set the clock to the date
of my first mission,
which means I still
have time to go back
and stop
the Dark Winged Vesper.
To the Main Street Bridge!
And warp speed ahead.
Oh, wait. That's me.
So your past self must never
see you future self,
or one of the two of you
will combust.
Thank you.
I'll remember that.
A true superhero,
ready to take on the world.
Aw, crap.
Pop the trunk.
Look at those
dysfunctional losers.
Ed's gonna thank me
for taking him away
from those rejects.
Sure I will, Dad.
Join the family business, son.
Become a superhero.
Have a few laughs.
Steal some gold.
I'm gonna have to k*ll you now.
It's nothing personal.
Just business.
What was that?
I gotta tell the others
if I'm gonna make things right.
Something's there.
Close the trunk.
Check it out.
Go!
If I stay low,
I might be able toget
the Super Capers' attention
without the old Ed noticing me.
So... So b*at this evil brute!
For this republic
for which you stand.
So help me, I do. Shalom!
Ooh..
I can fix that.
Ed! You did it, buddy!
I did.
I-I mean, I did!
But how?
Okay, I think I'm screwed.
Oh, sh**t! The keys!
Okay.
Well, that can't be good.
This isn't over!
We will be back, Mr. Gruberman!
Nice work, Gruberman.
Just remember,
I'll always be number one.
Ed?
Will!
Will, stop that van!
Ed? Well, if you're Ed,
then who are you?
Will, now!
Your superpowers are amazing.
Good job, Will!
Uh, I mean team.
Who are you? I'm you.
Then who am I? You're me.
Well done, everyone!
Well done, Gruberman!
Grubermen...
No. No, no. This is impossible.
Felicia, stop him!
Freeze!
I'm from the future.
I got the time machine to work, and I
found out the judge is a criminal.
The RV worked? No way!
Don't let him fool you. He's been
an organized crime boss for years.
You'll find he has
in his possession
some of the gold bars
taken from the armored car.
He's lying!
I demand to be let go!
Forget it, Judge.
We caught you
with your pants down.
Herman, will you do the honors?
It would be my pleasure.
I'm sure it would be.
Herman, I was talking
about the limo trunk.
Sorry.
The Dark-Winged Vesper,
my hero, a criminal?
Yes. The judge...
is the Dark Winged Vesper.
We were framed.
The judge put us up to it.
Please let us go.
I think I may have
had an accident.
Oh! Well, now I bet
the name Captain Fudge
sounds pretty funny.
Son, how could you
do this to me
after all that I've given you?
And, yes, he's also my father.
My father? Relax, Ed.
It's not like I told you
he m*rder*d our parents yet.
Wha...?
Oops.
Ed, you're just
kidding yourself here.
You and your dysfunctional
idiot friends
will never be as great
a superhero as me.
And you know that.
I'm sorry, Dad.
I may never be the great
hero you once were,
but at least I'm honest.
And as for my dysfunctional
superhero friends,
they're my family now.
Whoa. Who's dysfunctional?
Call me crazy, but I think
I'm falling for this future Ed.
Ah, I'm gonna be sick.
Uh, but...
we were here the whole time.
How did the judge
sneak away with the gold?
Yeah.
He had an accomplice.
Not only could she create fire,
but she could vanish at will,
ladies and gentlemen.
My lady in red,
please take a bow!
How'd you figure out
that one, Gruberman?
Well, how else
would you explain
the disappearing in the alley,
the easy removal of the gold,
and the wacky
controls on the RV,
sending it crashing
off the side of the bridge?
I knew you'd wreck the RV.
Well, actually, it vanished
before it hit bottom.
And, hey,
we still got this one.
No matter.
This bridge will be ash rubble
by the time I'm done with it.
What do you say, Ed?
You and me?
Run away together?
Live a life of crime?
He's mine!
Ed, the judge!
He must have jumped.
Do you think he made it?
No way.
I'm sorry, Ed.
That's okay. Hey!
Ed, the old you's waking up.
I-I'd better go talk to him.
Hey. You okay?
I thought it was a dream,
but it's true.
I'm afraid so.
There's two of us now.
What about
the Dark-Winged Vesper...
our father?
That's all over. He's, uh...
He's taken care of.
I have to say,
I like your suit.
Thanks.
You know, I always heard that
if the same person
saw his future self,
there'd be a paradox
in the universe,
and one of the two
would combust.
What a coincidence.
You know, I heard
the same thing.
Just goes to show you,
you can't believe
everything you hear
in the movies.
Here.
Well, let's give him a moment.
Uh, hey, guys! Wait up!
The old Ed's gone!
Throw him over the bridge?
Couldn't stand the competition?
No, actually, I think
God fixed everything.
Good. It was too confusing.
Hey, do you think next time,
I could just stay home
and watch this on the news?
It was just too stressful.
Get in the RV.
I'm surrounded by idiots.
So you're into me, huh?
I could definitely fall
for this future Ed.
Well, that's good,
'cause, you know,
I traveled forward in time
and I saw that we kissed.
No way. Yeah!
Would you deny the existence
for our future children?
Oh, ho ho. Children.
Yeah! We got two kids.
Really. What are their names?
Our kids? Yes!
Hansel and Gretel. Hansel
and Gretel Gruberman?
I don't think so. Oh, yeah!
We're a crime-fighting
dysfunctional superhero family.
It's great!
You're gonna love it.
Really.
So, Ed, ol' buddy, ol' pal.
How do we get this thing
past 88 miles per hour?
Oh, that's the easy part.
Just drive this RV
right off the bridge,
and it pegs out before
you even hit bottom.
- Here, you want me to drive?
- I'll show ya... No!
This is the part where
you just have to have faith.
Super Capers...
- Let's rock!
- And roll!
Not "rock and roll."
Let's rock. God.
It's just "rock."
There's no "roll.
Brainard... Just go.
All right.
¶ Look at what's
happened to me ¶
¶ I can't believe it myself ¶
¶ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ¶
¶ It should have been
somebody else ¶
¶ Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air ¶
¶ I never thought
I could feel so free ¶
¶ Flying away
on a wing and a prayer ¶
¶ Who could it be? ¶
¶ Believe it or not,
it's just me ¶
¶ Just like the light
of a new day ¶
¶ It hit me from
out of the blue ¶
¶ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ¶
¶ Making all
of my wishes come true ¶
¶ Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air ¶
¶ I never thought
I could feel so free ¶
¶ Flying away
on a wing and a prayer ¶
¶ Who could it be? ¶
¶ Believe it or not,
it's just me ¶
¶ This is too good to be true ¶
¶ Look at me ¶
¶ Falling for you ¶
¶ Believe it or not ¶
¶ Believe it or not ¶
¶ Believe it or not ¶
¶ Believe it or not ¶
¶ Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air ¶
¶ I never thought
I could feel so free ¶
¶ Flying away
on a wing and a prayer ¶
¶ Who could it be? ¶
¶ Believe it or not,
it's just ¶
¶ Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air ¶
¶ I never thought
I could feel so free ¶
¶ Flying away
on a wing and a prayer ¶
¶ Who could it be? ¶
¶ Believe it or not,
it's just me ¶
Bunch of schmucks!
Hey, what do you
think you're doing?
Movie's not over yet!
Get back here!
Sit down, and watch this!
And don't forget to pick up
your popcorn when you leave!
What did you find, boss?
Looks like a tracking device
on a key chain to an RV.
So... what does that mean?
It means there really is a god.
I love this!
Well, then.
Perhaps we will get the
chance to use our powers.
Yeah.
Super Capers (2009)
Moderator: Maskath3