Book of Clarence, The (2023)

[bunniefuu]

Can you spare us some coin?

So as I may get some foods,

warmth and shelter.

Anything you can spare

will be appreciated.

Out of the way, you dusty runt!

You dongleton!

-Hey! Out of the way!

-What! Just...

What are you doing?

Benjamin, move!

Whoa!

-Run him over.

-What?

-Run him over!

-I can't just run him over!

-You can! Quick! Go!

-All right! I'll run him over.

Go, you raggedy roop scoop!

Let's go!

Slowing down there,

huh, Mary?

Oh, yeah?

She hit me.

Watch the cart, Claance!

-What?

-Watch the cart!

Come on! Whoa.

We're going to be rich, Claance!

Yes, we are,

my friend.

For two or three days at least.

Can't no man outspeed me.

"Outspeed" ain't a word, Mary!

Gypsies!

Are you okay?

Elijah!

Grab his robe.

Grab his robe.

Get off of me!

Claance...

Claance...

Claance.

Cabbage.

You have no idea

what you cost me.

Ah, stay down.

Let this be a learnings.

Get out of Gypsy territory

and never come back.

Cabbage, let's be friends.

-Like old times.

-Ta-ta, Claance.

-I need my robe.

-Pathetic.

Gypsies!

Get back here,

you delinquent dung beetles.

What you gonna do?

Rat.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Move the goats.

Hey.

I can smell you

from here, Claance.

Good Lord!

Actually hurts my nose.

You okay, Mary?

-What?

-What?

Nothing even happened to her.

I'm the one

you should be concerned about.

Good-bye, heathens.

She is so blessed.

-What is wrong with you?

-What?

I lost the race, Elijah.

And the horse.

I'm a dead man walking.

So I suggest you hitch a ride

down to Jedediah's,

beg for mercy.

We hitch a ride.

Okay, "we."

It's him.

Jesus of Nazareth.

My God.

No, no, God doesn't exist.

They do.

Shining like stars out here,

Elijah.

Stars is an understatement.

They are the damn sun.

And they're protected.

Nobody messes with them.

I want to be like that

in ten years.

I want to be like that now.

Minus the bougery.

Mmm.

Is Thomas with him?

Peace be unto you, Thomas.

Peace be unto you, Thomas.

Unto you be peace, Clarence.

-Now leave me be.

-What's that supposed to mean?

It means

get away from me, disbeliever.

I believe in life itself.

You pray to a man in the sky

you've never met.

Blasphemy.

Well, introduce me

to him then. Jesus.

Let's see one of his miracles

up close and personal.

So that he may know that

my twin brother

is a man of no faith?

The peddler of stolen property?

A seller of ungodly herbs?

A nobody.

I'm not a nobody!

A man that lacks honor

is a nobody.

Just because you are twins

does not mean you're brothers,

my brother.

My mother was literally on her

deathbed when he left home.

Yet I'm the one with no honor?

I'm not a nobody, Elijah.

I'll have some of this, please.

I knew I smelt correctly.

Peace be unto you,

Claance and Elijah.

-Unto you be peace, Zeke.

-Peace.

Where can I take you

on this fine day

before Jedediah has

you both k*lled?

I need you to take me to my home

so I can change clothes,

and then to Jedediah's harem.

That'll cost you five shekels

upfront for obvious reasons.

Like you being too dead

to pay me later.

How's about we give you six,

and you may use the extra

to get yourself a bath?

Okay, let's go.

This is light.

Did you

imagine it heavier?

This is a problem with y'all.

Y'all skunk always

shortin' the sack.

I would purchase

from somewhere else

if I knew where to get it.

But you don't.

Hello, beautiful.

What's that smell?

Huh. Long story.

And what's that?

This is for you

to give to Varinia.

Mother, my Lengunweed?

It helps with the glaucomery.

Better wash

before you go see her.

I'm just trying to make sure

you don't die a virgin, son.

Oh, wow.

I'm not a virgin.

What you do at night behind

that curtain doesn't count.

That is not me.

That's the local rats.

Very loud rats.

Okay.

Mom, one day I'm gonna get you

out of here.

Put you in a big home.

Where you can do

whatever you want to do.

I promise you.

Home is where

you are happy, son.

And I'm happy here with you.

With a son that's barely able

to provide for you?

And another who's running amok

with some false prophet?

Thomas is following his purpose.

We have but to love him.

I have but to love you.

Son,

be the body, not the shadow.

Hold space.

Yeah, I know.

Hold space.

Okay.

Ugh, now go wash. You stink!

Mmm. I don't stink.

I do stink.

Whoa.

I don't really feel good

about this, Elijah.

Jedediah k*lling you

will feel worse.

Stop saying that.

It is the truth.

Elijah and Claance, huh?

Two rotten eggs.

Out of my way.

Crusty Claance.

Unto you be peace, Jedediah.

Judging by

your unarranged arrival,

you most likely lack my money,

my horse,

and my chariot. Am I correct?

It's only been a few hours.

You said I had 30 days

to pay you back.

Mmm-hmm. Now it's 29 days,

22 hours,

or death.

Both of you should be aware

before I crucify you, yeah?

I'm, I'm gonna get

a little evil first.

Isn't the act of crucifixion

in and of itself evil?

You know, you make

a deal with the devil, hmm,

it's gonna cost you

a shekel.

Now exit my place

of restitution

before I render

those 29 days to 0.

Don't worry, Elijah.

I have a plan.

That is exactly

what I'm worried about.

Get out!

We're literally

on our way out.

-What do you think we're doing?

-Understand, it's redundant.

Idiot.

Repent!

For the Kingdom of Heaven

is at hand.

Everyone is welcome.

Except you.

But am I not a child

of the Lord?

You highfalutin nincompoop.

You want me to baptize you to

attain good favor with our Lord

so that when you are called

to heaven, you and this Bushman

will be welcomed

with open arms?

Yes, basically.

So, Claance,

you now believe in Jesus?

Yes.

Basically.

Liar!

You

are merely trying to swindle me

by pretending

you are now righteous,

to seem that you have turned

into a believer in the hope

that Jedediah the Terrible

won't k*ll you?

Uh-huh?

News travels fast in Jerusalem.

You have 30 days to pay him,

or he kills you both.

Okay, John, you are magical with

this holy water stuff, okay?

I heard that

you baptized Jesus himself.

What makes him

more worthy than I?

-Blasphemous swine!

-Oh!

Stop that!

You think you won't get k*lled

because you're baptized?

You are not a believer.

But I like you, Claance.

In spite of your selfish ways,

there's a beautiful soul

in there somewhere.

-O-Okay. If God exists truly--

-Dear Lord,

save this sinner from himself.

Claance is dumb and stupid,

always selling his illegalities

when he could just as easily

have a regular occupation.

And now he's in trouble

with the village terror,

and he's also in love

with said terror's little sister

who he is not in the slightest

bit worthy of, I might add.

Dear Lord,

he is definitely going to get

k*lled by Jedediah the Terrible,

so when you finally meet him,

Lord, which is soon,

please, let him

inside heaven, Lord.

And then

kick him out!

So he shall forever know

what he's missing

because he did not know

the depth of his own idiocy

to not repent.

-Amen.

-Amen.

Amen.

Say it.

Amen.

Uh-huh.

Yes. Wash him.

Wash him.

-Okay, stop washing him.

-What?

You can let him up.

-He's washed. He's washed.

-Takes a minute.

-What did you say?

-He's not that sinful.

You want me

to come and slap you?

-Could you slap it?

-Gotta...

I do not think that

the baptism worked, brother.

That's because

it's all nonsense.

But hopefully it will provide

some leniency with Jedediah.

Centurions.

Hold on to that.

Don't touch it.

Give me your names

and papers of identification.

Clarence.

Elijah.

There's been a theft

in the area.

And you men fit the description

of the assailant.

Funny, my friend and I have two

entirely different descriptions.

Are you calling me

a man of untruth, peasant?

Look, why don't we settle this

once and forever?

Show us a sketch

of this assailant.

Who are you looking for?

King Tut?

I am Tribune Antoninus.

I've been assigned

this unruly district

to eradicate scarabs

such as yourselves.

So that is what the hieroglyphs

are all about, huh?

Eradicate us at any cost?

I will push my sword

through your esophagus

with zero compunction,

just to hear the sound

of your spinal cord cr*ck.

So, walk away,

or your remains will be fed

to livestock within the hour.

Poetic.

And the real bad guys

get away free.

Allow me

to stretch a bit, Elijah.

Yes. Mmm-hmm.

Okay. Okay.

Thank you. You're a good man.

I think it's too extreme.

No. It's...

It's powerful.

So strong, right?

Behold! He who the cat

refused to drag in,

but entered nonetheless.

Okay.

Peace be unto you, Clarence.

Unto you be peace, Varinia.

How do you look so wet

with not a drop of rain outside?

Oh, I, um, just been baptized.

Mmm. Baptized?

-Yes.

-Really?

Yes, I've found faith.

Really? Wow.

Well, this I need to hear.

Are you okay?

You okay?

My mother

made this for you.

It's a little soaked

from the baptism,

but it shall dry.

Oh. Give her my thanks.

Well, I know

you didn't come here

to give me this.

What's troubling you?

Um. I've been

trying to better myself,

so that I may be

worthy of you.

You are

the village mischief maker.

I am not suited

to be with a man like that.

Is that why, when you look at me

your eyes turn ruby red?

I see it.

Because mine turn sapphire blue

when I look at you.

See that?

Whatever is floating

around your head,

you yourself are not ready for.

'Tis you floating

around my head, my Godqueen.

That's because your head

resides in the clouds.

With villainous crooks

and unscrupulous

men without morals.

"Villainous crooks"?

Speaking of that,

can you talk to your brother

for me?

Huh.

-What have you done now?

-I took his money

for a street race

with Mary Magdalene, okay?

And then Cabbage and those rats

ambushed me, so I lost.

And if I don't get

his money back,

I'm a dead man walking.

Hey, what I need you to do

is explain to him that I just

got baptized by John himself.

So when

he's administering his evil,

maybe he'll be more merciful.

Clarence...

Why do you always do this?

What are you trying to prove?

You need to

get your act together, Clarence.

Jedediah is going to know

your baptism is a swindle.

You know, you're one of the only

people that pronounces my name

with two syllables,

and I love it.

My brother is going to break it

into four.

Cla-re-an-cee?

I'm just trying to figure out

what it would sound like

in four syllables?

-Cla-re-an-cee? Cla--

-Mmm. That's very cute.

-Please spare some--

-No, no, no.

Make way, Benjamin.

-She's sweet.

-Goodness, she is.

Peace be unto you,

Claance, Elijah.

Unto you be peace, Zebedee.

Claance, do you have

the thing on you?

You know I do.

Splendid.

Your money will be

waiting for you

when you leave.

Claance, I don't know why

you still worry about Varinia.

She's nothing like us.

It's her eyes.

They're like poetry.

Poetry which I...

I just get lost in the words.

Hmm. That's deep.

Uh, Claance,

you are not floating?

Ah, you know,

gotta stay sharp,

gotta think about

how to pay back Jedediah.

Open your mind.

All right, all right,

give it to me.

Whoo.

-Elijah, you see this?

-Yeah.

I do, I do.

I think you are having an idea.

I'm going to become

the 13th apostle of Jesus.

A stupid idea.

The apostles can provide us

with protection, power,

and most of all, influence.

Jedediah might allow me

to take Varinia's hand in love

if he knows this.

Forget Varinia.

But I like this idea.

You're floating upside down,

dear child.

Deliver me the words

that elude you.

Because I know

you didn't come here

to deliver me thanks

for a headscarf.

Clarence is a giant

that thinks himself an ant.

An eagle

that thinks he's a worm.

He can fly

if he puts his mind to it.

But instead he crawls,

thinking he's less than he is,

and I'm worried for him.

Replace that worry

with acceptance.

Accept that Clarence

will forever venture

where no one else dares.

And get ready to jump,

because he will find that cloud

soon enough.

Peace be

unto you, Peter.

Claance. Unto you be peace.

Peace be unto all of you.

Unto you be peace.

Clarence,

I thought I told you--

Good to see you too, brother.

What do you need?

Well, uh, truthfully, I thought

I might become the 13th apostel.

Huh. You must be

Judas Iscariot.

So, Thomas,

this is your brother

I hear you tell of?

He looks exactly like you

but nothing like you

at the same time.

I'm older.

-By ten minutes.

-Still older.

Anyway, if you would all

stop giggling so much,

you might come

to the realization

that it requires many of us

to spread

the gospel of the Messiah.

Now, who better than me?

I mean, I've got

the cobblestones on lock.

I, I think

I know what it takes.

Yes. You know what it takes.

But you do not possess

what it takes,

which is, um, selflessness,

generosity,

placing others' needs

before your own.

Did you put Mother's needs

before your own?

Don't tell me

I'm a bad person.

Just playing the cards

I was dealt.

You don't believe

in the Immaculate Conception.

No. No, I didn't say

I didn't believe in it.

I, I said

it's a bit far-fetched.

Blasphemy!

I don't mean

to disrespect, Peter.

That's just the thing, Clarence.

You're disrespectful.

For that reason alone,

you could never be an apostle.

It's apostle by the way,

not apostel.

Okay, Thomas,

why don't we let Jesus decide?

When does he get home?

That is not the way it works,

dear brother.

Look, if this man

wanted to change

everyone's perception of him,

he would do something like

free those sl*ve gladiators

from Asher The Torturer.

Of course, he will be k*lled,

but we'll know

he's not all about himself.

Would you do it?

Who have you freed?

You would pass

judgement on this man,

and you don't even know him.

That is not what I was saying.

That is precisely

what you are saying.

-How is that what I was saying?

-Well,

-why don't you explain it to me?

-I have already explained it.

I said if he wants to become

a 13th apostle,

he should do something like

free those sl*ve gladiators

from Asher The Torturer.

It's, it's, it's here.

Let's bring it down to here.

Claance...

Claance?

Claance!

You're about to get

both of us k*lled

and you have the nerve

to be daydreaming?

Judas said

it couldn't be done.

So I have to do it.

Stay here if that makes you

more comfortable.

When have I ever left you?

If you die, do not ever ask me

for another ride.

These men are all slaves?

How is this even possible?

-How was it allowed?

-Fight harder, slaves!

Even with wooden swords,

we aim to k*ll!

Who are you?

How do you wish me to react to

the news you're about to give?

Peace be unto you, Asher.

I'm Elijah.

This is my brother, Claance.

-We were sent by Judas.

-Jesus.

Jesus sent us.

-Jesus of Nazareth?

-Yes.

The yeah-yeah man walking around

saying he's the Messiah?

-Yes.

-What does he want with me?

Well, he insist...

He asks that you release

your sl*ve gladiators to us.

Do you have any idea

how much that will cost me?

Yes, I know.

But you'd be able

to free your conscience.

I know

this must trouble you, brother.

Twenty slaves.

-Do you have that amount?

-No.

The idea is that

you give them to us for free,

and you free up your own mind

of all these horrors.

Does that make sense?

Men, cease!

That was easy.

I shall grant you all

your freedom right now

if you b*at these two men

to death with your bare hands.

What?

Wait.

This is a little unfair.

Let us even the odds a bit.

If you can go toe to toe

with Barabbas the Immortal...

-Who?

-My best gladiator.

You b*at him,

and I will release him to you.

Well, I don't believe

that that is evening the odds.

I know.

But I am going to see

a k*ll today.

To the arena!

So, where is Baba-baba-

ba-ba-boo-boo the Immortal?

There he is.

Meet Barabbas,

the gladiator

who has never been bested.

He claims he is immortal,

and we are inclined

to believe him.

He also fancies himself

a revolutionary.

He wants to bring down Rome.

By himself!

Hmm.

If you defeat

this thorn in my side,

I'll release him to you.

And if you think

of going soft on him, Barabbas,

I will test your immortality

with my own sword.

Those

who are about to die...

salute you.

You hit me unprovoked?

Uh-huh, look alive.

Come on.

Ooh.

Look at this.

This is the best you got?

You can do better than-- Whoa!

Okay. All right.

What the hell?

That's a hard face.

You finish?

Where are you?

Here!

Let's finish him.

Claance.

Come on, get up.

This is not the time for rest.

Get up.

You're good.

You're free.

Enough!

You cannot

have Barabbas.

Take someone else.

Is Asher The Torturer

not a man of his word?

You said I can go free.

So give me my freedom!

Give me my freedom!

You're a useless man!

After all I've done for you--

I don't want him.

I came here to free

all of the slaves, not one.

You can have Barabbas

the Apparently-Not-Immortal.

He can go burden someone else

with his talk of k*lling Romans.

Claance, I owe you my life,

Black King.

Where'd you learn

to fight like that?

Well,

your men fight by rules.

Where I'm from,

you fight to survive.

It's a big difference.

That was clever.

But b*ating me and k*lling me

are two separate things.

I am immortal.

Okay.

Freedom!

You actually freed a sl*ve.

Well done, younger brother.

Ten minutes.

And it is none other

than the Almighty Barabbas, eh?

To be honest, Claance, I didn't

believe you had it in you.

-You fool! Get off me!

-How dare you!

Yeah. Well, that's my brother.

Now, can I become an apostle?

May I have a word, brother?

Oh. I love you, Clarence,

like I love the Lord himself.

But you'll never be

one of us.

You are destined

for nothing more than failure.

I'd stop following the Messiah

before I'd ever ask him

to allow you into our movement.

I don't even want you

to change your ways.

I don't want to be reminded

of what was.

Just disappear.

You know, Thomas...

I need you to remember...

I need you to remember

that you're the one

that left Mother and I.

-No. There's an explanation--

-Do not, do not interrupt me!

You've never appreciated

who we are

or where we come from.

I bet Jesus doesn't know

you have a mother

who you refuse

to acknowledge exists.

"Honor thy father

"and thy mother!"

Knowledge...

is stronger than belief.

You what?

Knowledge is stronger

than belief!

You believe that God exists

b-because you know

nothing of the world,

which is why you do

the silly sh*t you do.

But I, I possess the knowledge.

I possess

the knowledge

that there is no God.

Which makes

every single last one of you,

every single last one,

liars!

Or fools.

-My brother, you are mistaken--

-Let's go.

So what are we

going to do now?

We do not have protection

or faith to hide behind.

Faith is not something

you hide behind.

You stand in front of it.

I know you don't believe

in the Lord, but he is real.

And we are his children.

That's why I never use

any derogatory term

referring to

or describing my people,

because we are better than that.

We are righteous beings.

I'm gonna become

the new Messiah.

What, n*gga?

What are we

doing here?

Jesus's mother

lives there.

According to Zeke.

How do you know that?

I am Zeke.

I know where everyone lives.

I need to figure out

what inspires him,

where he learned

all of his little tricks.

If I get his sermons, then I can

just replicate what he does.

Think about it.

Barabbas, you pretend

you can't walk.

Elijah, you can't see.

And Zeke, you pretend

you can't whatever-the-hell.

And I'll perform the tricks.

Then I'll preach Jesus's words,

and it'll work.

It'll be golden. Trust me.

Think about all the money

they give him.

You ever seen Jesus

buy a pair of sandals?

This doesn't feel right, King.

I'm getting my life back,

Barabbas.

If Destiny won't come knocking,

then I'll put a sword

to Destiny's neck.

This isn't like stealing

honeyed wine from the Romans.

This is different.

It's gonna require massive

testicular fortitude.

Are you with me?

Well, if it means

Jedediah the Terrible

doesn't k*ll us both,

all hail the new Messiah.

I don't know what house.

It should be here somewhere.

Everybody, stay quiet.

Pray they don't stop us.

Halt!

Oh.

Identification.

We're looking for the man

they call Jesus of Nazareth.

Show me your papers.

Don't.

Don't give him anything.

What did you say, scum?

I see no scum here.

-Barabbas...

-Oi.

You approach us

without showing ID yourself?

For all I know,

you might be Jesus

disguised as a gluteus maximus.

Why do you say these words

when you know

-I'll k*ll you for it?

-Whoa, whoa!

Show me your identification.

Barabbas.

Move along.

Trying

to get us k*lled?

God did not make men to be

treated like pigs by other men.

Yes, and God did not also

make men sword-proof.

I am sword-proof.

I've been sworded many times.

Twice in my thigh,

my left arm, through my hand,

right shoulder,

and through my mouth.

That's why I'm telling you

I am immortal.

n*gro, please.

The only weak point in my body

is my heel.

That's the only way

they can k*ll me.

A beautiful story.

But I must make haste,

my friend.

Wait here.

I'll be back.

Peace be unto you.

Is, uh, Mother Mary here?

Is that Thomas?

No. I'm Clarence,

his twin brother.

Uh, I just wanted to talk to you

about your son.

Let him through.

Come.

What do you want with my son?

Uh... My friends and I,

you know,

we wanted to get

more information a-about Jesus,

see maybe what his

in... inspirations were.

Perhaps learn

how he does all his tricks.

What tricks?

Hmm? Oh, uh, you know,

healing people,

raising people from the dead,

you know, uh, walking on water,

things like that.

His tricks.

My son has never performed

a trick in his life.

The people call them miracles,

you know.

It's just so you know

his Father is real.

You?

God.

Okay. Um,

I just wanna know

how he does his...

illusions. How does he...

Young man. If you were

a tool in my carpenter's box,

you wouldn't be the sharpest.

Joseph!

The light in his head,

it burns a little dim.

Listen, Mother Mary, you don't

need to tell me untruths, okay?

I don't believe in God.

Nor do I intend to.

What I wanna do is find out

how, how Jesus gathers

the hope of people

so that I may do the same.

None of them are untruths,

my child.

Right.

And you were a virgin

when you found out

you were carrying child?

Ow! Ow!

That is for your sarcasm.

The word "virgin" is twisted.

Some say "un-sexed."

Some say "unmarried."

I was un-un-un,

and that is God's business.

Joseph and I were not married

when my son was born.

Okay, well...

So you are his papa?

-No!

-This guy!

-I'm just trying--

-No!

-The Lord is.

-Okay.

I was minding

my own virgin business,

just being a virgin,

and an angel called Gabriel

came upon me.

And said,

"Greetings, O favored one.

"The Lord is with you.

"And you will conceive

in your womb,

"and bear a son,

"and you shall

call his name Jesus."

-And you believed all of this?

-Well--

Joseph didn't believe

any of it.

But then the same angel,

Gabriel, came upon him.

Okay.

And behold, my son was born.

The son of God.

Sorry, I don't,

I don't mean to...

This is the story

you're running with?

Right?

It is the only story there is.

If you ever saw him

at any point in his life,

you would know.

"This is the Messiah!"

When he was eight years old,

he was making clay pigeons

on the street.

A stranger said to him,

"You should not be doing that

on the Sabbath."

Jesus apologized.

He clapped his hands.

And all the clay pigeons

came to life and flew away.

He was always special.

Everyone knew it.

Okay.

You really believe this. Okay.

Well. Listen, I came

here because I wanted to know

how Jesus did

all of his tricks.

But apparently,

you're gonna tell me

the same story

everyone else tells me. So I--

My dear, dear child,

you find faith.

Then you will find

all the answers you seek.

Okay.

Too much Lengunweed.

What a dumbass.

Let's talk about belief.

Belief will be

the undoing of all mankind.

Two gladiators face one another.

One believes

that he'll be the victor.

The other knows

he'll defeat his opponent.

Which man shall win?

Knowledge is stronger

than belief.

-Knowledge.

-Say it again.

Knowledge is stronger

than belief.

Knowledge is stronger

than belief!

He who was once

a dirty blind bat

is now an all-seeing eagle.

I can see. I can see!

I can see!

Again, knowledge

is stronger than belief!

I can walk!

I can walk!

Please. Cure me next.

Oh. The Lord can only commit

to one miracle a day, my friend.

I'm sorry.

Shekels. Shekels on shekels.

Shekels on shekels on shekels!

Do you believe that a man

can rise from the ashes?

Breathe again?

Liar. It's impossible.

This man is dead.

I'm sleepy.

O, dead one,

rise!

Open your eyes.

Open your eyes.

Elijah?

Elijah.

Elijah, speak... Elijah.

Whoo!

You give

to the Roman man every day.

Now give to your Lord.

There must be

more than 1,000 shekels here.

Brother, you can

pay back Jedediah.

You have enough here

to get your mother a new place.

You can give me some

because you love me.

I can get Mary Magdalene

into my tent.

You are like

that round, fiery object

that constantly floats

in the sky

that none of us can stare at.

A miracle.

Look at me.

Look at me.

A miracle of creation,

and we ignore it

every single day

as we ignore

the majestic miracle

of our own existence,

which is why we still

question His existence.

Knowledge is stronger

than belief.

Excrementum!

That man is a fraud!

Cabbage.

I've known him

since I was little.

I robbed him a few times.

It's a miracle

you're still the same height.

Look, it's him.

The Messiah.

I've known men that own slaves.

Slaves!

Who see nothing wrong

with their actions.

How can we put such value

on human... Such...

How can we put such little value

on human life?

How can one man

own another man?

Yet your...

I shouldn't laugh.

Laughing makes it seem...

I'm here to teach...

I am here to enlighten you.

I am...

Say it, Claance.

Commit to it.

This is why we are here.

I am your new Messiah.

I am your new Messiah!

I am your new Messiah!

I believe!

This man lying

on the spirit world.

I think

he's making a lot of sense.

He's making a lot of money.

Those who are...

I might have to put interest

on what he owes.

Pray to the false prophet,

if you will,

but I am your Messiah.

I need to talk to my brother.

Not you.

Barabbas,

let him through.

Peace be unto you.

Unto you be peace.

Now leave.

What are you doing?

Why is that any of your concern?

Because you're pretending

to be the Messiah.

Well, if you know

what I'm doing,

why did you ask me

what I'm doing?

Because I want to know

why you're doing it.

I'm sure you do.

So you can scribble it

in your little

Gospel of Thomas, huh?

How dare you come here and

tell me what you expect of me.

A man who serves

everyone everywhere,

but turns his back

on the one that birthed him.

You claim to be a man of God.

What God has you

deny your family to worship him?

Maybe it's the same God

that would have the entire world

worship him

while children die

in the streets.

-You're not a Messiah.

-You don't even talk like that.

Talking like a Roman.

You're not

a Messiah, Clarence.

And you undo everything

the real Savior is doing

by lulling people

into a false hope.

There is no Messiah.

There is no Savior.

Weren't you the one

that said that you never wanted

to see me again?

Wasn't that you?

People of Jerusalem,

I shall perform

my final miracle

by making this man vanish.

Leave.

Claance.

We did it. Look.

What is wrong?

The plan is working.

Claance.

This is what

you wanted, right?

Who am I?

What have I become?

I need you

to take me somewhere.

Elijah.

This is more than

you said they're worth.

Keep the rest.

Let them go.

These are not the deeds

of an ordinary man.

They will carve your name

in history for this.

Don't tell them

my name.

You heard him.

You're all free to go.

You cannot undo

this choice, brother.

You will lose your life.

Twenty more will live.

You're unrecognizable

underneath all of this.

Peace be unto you too, Varinia.

What?

You look like

a purveyor of women.

Mmm.

Can we walk?

Mmm-hmm.

So, what's with

all this Messiah talk?

A lady came in saying

she saw you walking on water.

I can't even swim.

But I am a changed man, Varinia.

Not the same person

I was before.

Hmm.

I don't believe in change.

I believe in growth.

Tricking common folk

into believing you're the Savior

is not growing, it's lying.

I'm not compromising

the truths

I'm giving to the people

just because

miracles aren't real.

Yes, you are.

Because you yourself

don't believe it.

When you put it that way...

I started the lies

as to have your brother

stop trying to k*ll me.

Then I continued the lies

as to have you see

that I'm not a nobody.

I don't know

what it is about me, Varinia,

that has you think

I have no ambition.

I'm not a man without faults.

But I'm also not

a man without purpose.

In the end, I guess

we're all just what we are.

And I am spirit over sandals

in love with you.

-Clarence, I told you before--

-You're taken.

-Yeah.

-No.

I'm not taken.

I just...

You're taken.

Listen, I don't know

who you've been speaking to,

-or who's speaking untruths--

-Place your hands on mine.

Come.

Closer.

And bow your head

and close your eyes.

Now lift your head

and open your eyes.

Slowly.

Tell me you aren't taken.

Clarence...

Meet me at the tent tonight,

okay? It'll be fun.

And I promise, no miracles.

Oh.

-What's wrong?

-Samson and Goliath. Hello!

Excrementum!

You should run.

I'm not afraid of them, Varinia.

Any man that follows rules

blindly is easily overcome.

Walking away

from a bad situation

doesn't make you a nobody.

When will you grow?

Now.

You bastard!

Stop running!

sh*t.

Dingbats.

What the...

Shh.

Mary!

Mary! Hey!

What is this?

That whore

sexes with Roman scum.

Liar!

You dongletons!

Whore!

Ahhh!

Mary.

Ahhh!

Why do you

condemn this woman

and man to death?

That whore sexes the Romans.

And you deem

this to be a sin?

-Yes.

-Yes.

Then let he who

is without sin

cast the first stone.

But before you do...

it is Jezebel, right?

-How do you know my name?

-Don't worry.

Soon everybody will.

Who are you to come forward

to eat at our feast?

I am he who exists

from the undivided.

And you, husband.

Leave the donkey alone, eh?

-Uh...

-I smelt it on you!

No. I...

Come.

Claance!

You have any Lengunweed?

Oh. I don't do that anymore.

See, I'm what

you would call graduated.

You're no Messiah to me.

You're simply

an imitator of my shine.

Remove yourself, heathen.

Heathen?

This cockroach

calling me a heathen.

You know,

I love the way you do that.

Just monotone.

-Claance!

-"Remove yourself."

Claance, brother.

I seen him work.

Jesus. I seen it

with my own two eyes.

-What-- Uh, okay.

-He's healed Mary's wounds

-and everything.

-Calm down.

-Listen.

-What are you talking about?

He made the stones

stop mid-air, Claance.

He stopped them,

and then dropped them,

right there in front my eyes.

-Claance, it was--

-Okay, okay.

-Elijah, you're hysterical.

-I'm not hysterical.

People were screaming

-"Dirty slut!"

-No, it's not real.

-"Roman love--"

-He's not...

-Why you so mad?

-He's not real.

-He's real.

-Whatever you saw...

Whatever you saw wasn't real.

It was real.

Where is he now?

I do not know.

He left with Mary, though.

If she left with the Messiah,

she's now a changed woman.

She will lose her headdress

and everything.

Well, should she keep

her headdress?

You came.

I arrived.

-Elijah.

-What?

Stay present.

Come on.

There is one

of the Messiahs.

He goes by the name of Claance.

But be careful.

He has one of his protectors

with him.

Peace.

Peace.

-Clarence.

-Hey.

I'll give you the money

I owe you. I promise.

-Just give me some time.

-All is forgiven.

-Thank you.

-Bless you.

Somebody get this man a drink.

Ah. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Mmm-hmm.

Don't think any of this

is impressing me.

You're not impressed?

Come here.

Claance. Claance.

-What?

-What happened?

I just kissed her.

Oh, no, Claance.

Yeah, I know.

-I know. I--

-No.

Oh, no, Claance.

She set you up.

Why, Varinia?

I didn't know.

Ahhh! Barabbas. Elijah. Back.

You can't hit the Messiah.

-Claance...

-Quiet!

Idiots.

-Leave him alone, please.

-This is me leaving him alone.

Claance...

...do one of your miracles

to escape, hmm?

Fly or something.

That was a good one.

You've been running around

and telling everybody

that you're the Messiah.

Preaching this false prophecy.

Yet you cannot miracle me

the money that you owe?

Men, teach this fraud a lesson.

Then your men

will die this day...

-No. Barabbas.

-...Mr. Jedediah. Let us begin.

No. Barabbas.

Those who are about to die...

salute you, King.

You see the foolishness

that you've caused?

Check the score.

No need.

All of your men

will die here tonight.

Halt!

We have a warrant

for the arrest

of all the self-proclaimed

Messiahs of Judaea.

That includes you, Clarence.

Over your dead body.

Ah. You must be the hero.

Great spirit.

Why is there always one?

Well, thank you

for revealing yourself.

So we may

get this out of the way swiftly.

Wait for...

You darkened peasant!

That blade was Egyptian steel.

Barabbas.

-He slapped me.

-I know. I know.

-Men don't slap men.

-I know.

-Women slap men.

-Listen to me. You need to run.

-I'm not scared of them.

-Barabbas, run.

-We're stronger than them.

-Run.

-We are superior to them.

-Run!

He did nothing wrong.

You see that?

You see how he charges

towards me to att*ck me again?

You're all my witnesses.

I'm in danger of my life.

-What? He's running away.

-Hand me a spear.

Let it go! Let it go!

Stop him.

Let him go!

Run! Run!

Thank you.

No! No!

What an incredibly

resistant rodent.

Spear.

Aim for his legs.

No, no, no, no. No!

You bastards!

Let me go! Let me go!

-Spear.

-You've stopped him.

You coward!

You cowards k*lled Barabbas!

You bastard!

Let me go.

So you k*lled that man

in cold blood, huh?

Centurion, retrieve my spears.

What in the entire holy--

The wrong heel, m*therf*cker.

I am...

...immortal!

Yes! Yes! Run!

After him!

Bring the Messiah.

Shed blood

if he doesn't come willingly.

No.

You really desire the execution

of yourself and your friends?

I cannot let you take this man.

Claance is one of the good guys.

Yes, we have

our occasional issues.

Plus, he's always

in above his head.

But to stand here

and watch you take him,

t*rture him,

and most certainly

crucify him...

Well,

Roman, you must not know

who I am.

You are Jedediah the Terrible,

correct?

Contrary to popular belief,

I despise the name.

Well, life is full of that

which we hate.

Take your people,

for example.

From your beliefs

to the way

the sun hits your burnt skin...

...I repudiate

all of you.

See, I know

the root of the problem

with those who exude

such copious amounts of hate.

It actually stems

from your self-awareness, hmm?

Knowing that you're weak.

In reality, you are

a frightened little boy,

dressed up

in a metal-plated costume.

Really?

And what is it

that I'm frightened of?

Us.

Who are truly unconquerable.

Us who, try as you may,

refuse to be defeated,

walking unwavering in hope,

while shining beneath

the rays of the sun, hmm.

Us, who cradle

this world with joy,

even though

you take everything,

everything that we have.

Us, who possess the knowledge

that there are no oppressors,

my friend.

Just weak men.

Knowledge is a great thing,

Jedediah the Terrible.

You can do

tremendous things with it.

Like having you calmly

tell your men to stand aside

solely because I possess

the knowledge that the girl

I'm about to decapitate...

...is your beloved

sister, Varinia.

An impressive soliloquy.

Well, the next time I lay

eyes on you, you die.

Bring him.

-Oh, no!

-Get your hands off me.

He's okay. He's okay.

Claance is a survivor.

Where is he?

Bring in the prisoner!

You don't always have to shout.

Messiah!

Messiah!

This is him?

You are he?

Depends on who "he" is.

-Clarence?

-Clarence.

Clarence, this new Messiah.

My name's Clarence.

But I'm no Messiah.

Admittedly,

I've broken some laws.

I grow and sell Lengunweed

and things I steal

from the Romans,

including that

quite delicious honeyed wine.

And there's a girl...

Oh-ho. Isn't there always?

I suppose.

But this girl

didn't see me as I see her.

So I took a deal

with her brother,

and that deal went sour.

And he said that

if I didn't pay him

in 30 days, that he'd k*ll me.

So I came up with a plan

to become a Messiah.

As you do.

And show everyone,

including my brother,

that I'm not a nobody.

And hopefully

get the girl that I...

I loved.

And?

Did you get the girl?

No. I didn't get the girl.

I got this trial.

Liar! He's the Messiah.

-No, no, I'm not.

-He's the Messiah!

-Stop that.

-Quiet!

Stop.

It was all just silly tricks.

It was tricks. It wasn't real.

My lies

just spiraled out of control.

You see, you've left me

in a tad of a predicament.

I've had instructions

straight from Rome

to crucify

all these so-called Messiahs.

"Mess" being the operative

syllable in that word.

You, however, claim to be

guilty only of the crime

of loving a woman that does not

in turn love you back.

-Is that right?

-Precisely. Yes, Your Honor.

Unfortunately for you,

you also confess

to the crime of fraud.

To being a charlatan.

A purveyor of lies

and narcotics.

You're an animal who preys

on the despair of the poor,

who abuses their trust in you

for your own ill-gotten gains.

You are confessing

to those crimes, are you not?

Well, damn.

When you put it like that...

Liar!

What are you doing?

Silence!

You've gone and displeased

your people, Clarence.

-But I think you're still lying.

-No.

I think, you believe

you are the Messiah

but you lie now

to save your own hide,

so you can return out there

and stir up

a widespread rebellion.

That's not true. That is...

That could not be

further from the truth.

Really?

Why don't we go find out?

-Bring him to the flooding t*nk.

-What?

What? No.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait!

I'm not the Messiah!

I'm not the Messiah!

I'm not the Messiah!

Wait. Stop!

Decimus, I'm not...

Right.

My problem is that

I don't believe in your god.

I do believe, however, that

you people should be allowed

to see for yourselves.

See that there is no Messiah,

that there is no Savior,

and that your god is a myth.

A product only

of your denial of the fact

that all of your lives,

your miserable little lives,

belong to Rome!

Clarence, if you'll be so kind

as to walk on water

right across this pool here

into my welcoming arms.

If you manage it,

I'll be the first Roman

to join the Church of Clarence.

I can't walk on water.

I can't even swim.

I figured as much.

Okay, uh,

once I fall in,

then you'll let me free?

Once you die from drowning,

you'll be free to go. Proceed

Don't cry.

It's okay.

What?

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t.

Oh. This is crazy.

Messiah!

-Messiah!

-Messiah!

Messiah!

I'm not a Messiah!

No, I'm not.

It's some kind of trick.

What is this?

Restrain him!

No! Hey!

All right! All right!

I wouldn't have let you drown.

But now I have to crucify you.

Peace be

unto you, Clarence.

Unto you be peace, Thomas.

Are you well?

I could be better.

As could we all.

I saw you walk on water.

That was God.

So you believe?

No, no,

I don't believe.

I know.

I'm sorry, Thomas, truly,

that everything

turned out this way.

No, no, you don't apologize.

Clarence, I'm sorry.

For...

For never taking you seriously.

I'm sorry for leaving home

and abandoning Mother.

If I'd have been

more of a brother,

you would've never ended up

in a place like this.

Hmm.

This is exactly

how it's supposed to be.

Brother,

please forgive me.

I love you, brother.

I love you.

That which

is hidden from you

will become clear to you.

For there is nothing hidden...

that will not become manifest.

One of you negroes is a canary.

An information revealer.

Which one is it?

-Let me k*ll him.

-Yes.

The one who dips

Mary Magdalene's bread

into the gravy.

We must love our enemies

and pray for those

who persecute us.

This is not our cause.

It's our time to strike.

We are revolutionaries.

Not pacifists.

No!

Your will is at battle

with your conscience.

The sin in you does not want you

to consume the bread.

-No!

-You are wrong.

While the good in you

wants to confess.

You have become soft, Jesus.

Listen to me.

I am...

I don't even like

Mary's cooking.

She uses too much garlic.

Stop it.

No.

It's the gravy, man.

It's the gravy.

It cancels out the garlic.

Mmm.

Now, this does not mean

I betrayed anyone.

Now I hope

this is nothing sexual.

I've been looking at the statues

all day. I'll tell you.

I completely understand why

the Romans are always so angry.

I like this man.

I do, I like you.

Which is why if you give me

Jesus of Nazareth,

I will let you walk free.

Excuse me?

You know, he has them believing

that all men are born equal.

It's a disturbing thought,

I know.

You, however...

You lust for power and wealth,

position.

You long to be somebody.

Give me the location of Jesus

and I will give you more coin--

1,000 shekels.

-You are funny. Don't be--

-2,000 shekels.

30 silver coins or death.

Your choice.

Well, I'd rather take silver

than death, obviously.

But I'll have you know,

Jesus is not his real name.

Do continue.

His name is

Judas Iscariot.

Yeah. He told everyone

to overthrow Rome.

I said...

-..."No!"

-Oh.

"I'd never overthrow Rome."

"I love Rome."

"My best friend's Roman."

Judas is not the Messiah.

He's already working for us.

You're not the one we want.

Take the deal.

You're just a placeholder

until we have the man himself.

I won't give him up.

You truly believe your Messiah's

life to be that valuable?

Even if I thought

he was a beggar,

I'd die

before I give him up to Rome.

Well, then death it is.

Take him away.

Is there anything we can do

for Claance?

I have spoken to my father

about it.

He has not yet answered me.

He will.

Soon.

Come.

Please spare us some coin

so I may buy me some food,

warmth, shelter.

Anything you can spare will--

Peace be unto you.

And also to you.

Varinia...

Claance will be okay.

It's not his story

to die on the cross.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

I wish to be made clean.

We can rebuild him.

Sister?

He looks...

He looks just like Jesus.

You haven't

even seen Jesus.

His essence.

-Look at him. Pure and white.

-Oh. Mmm.

-Okay.

-So trustworthy.

See?

This?

Wow.

Look at him.

Looks like

another false Messiah.

Clarence.

Clarence, are you okay?

Guess it's too late for me

to change now, huh, Varinia?

-Clarence...

-Why would you set me up?

Set you up?

My brother

had his men following me.

-That's how they found you.

-But then why did you run?

I ran because...

I lose myself

when I think of you.

And look where we've ended up.

Varinia, I don't even

know what I was thinking,

trying to be in a relationship

with you.

-I was crazy.

-No.

That wasn't crazy.

You're perfect, Varinia.

Perfectly who

you're supposed to be.

That perfect girl

who lives nearby

that you can just

never get close to.

Your perfect smile...

Your perfectly shaped eyes...

Your perfectly--

Perfectly yours.

Perfectly too late.

-I am to be crucified, Varinia.

-No.

-Yes.

-Claance, look at me.

-No.

-Yes.

-Clarence.

-It's okay.

-That's enough.

-No, wait!

-Your time's over.

-Get off of me!

Get your hands off of me!

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Elijah, no.

Back. Stay back.

No, please!

Son.

Mother.

Hold space.

Come on!

They always take our babies!

They always take our babies!

Claance!

Cabbage. Cabbage, listen to me.

We learned!

-Let go.

-No!

Let go.

Claance... Get off!

Claance! Ahhh!

-No! Claance!

-Ahhh!

Do you hear your Messiah?

He begs for the mercy of Rome!

Tell me, Messiah.

Where is your god? Hmm?

Where is he?

Claance! Claance!

No!

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

May God be with you, Claance.

May God be with you, Claance.

My Lord,

I don't understand it.

-We can leave.

-We are to wait here, Peter.

Judas will give me up.

For 30 silver coins.

They will arrest me

in three days.

It is then I will be crucified.

This is why I was sent here.

Humans...

God's only mistake.

Lord, forgive them,

for they know not what they do.

Oh, please.

I've got a prayer for you.

Dear Heavenly Father,

please k*ll all these people.

Fire and brimstone

will suffice.

But where possible,

give them lava.

Especially that prick

painting me.

We're all just men and women.

Most of us have no idea

what we're doing.

By the time we figure it out,

it's too late.

I have spent my entire life

witnessing the cruelty of man.

Those who had plenty

did not even spare me

one drop of water.

I have literally had the clothes

lifted from off my back.

I've been one of those men.

And for that

I'm truly, truly sorry.

I've been a victim

of my own ignorance.

That's just it.

We need enlightenment.

Not punishment.

Well, good luck with that.

You can look at me, brother.

It's okay.

My friend...

My brother...

This cannot be the end.

Please tell me

you have a plan.

This cannot be

the end, Clarence.

I'm happy to hear you say

my name with two syllables.

My brother, I'm so scared.

No need to be scared.

We've got God with us.

All of us.

Barabbas was right.

You are a king.

Pierce him with this.

He will not live the hour.

Find your way

back to me, son.

Find your way

back to me, son.

Rise, Clarence,

son of Amina.

You were a man of no faith,

yet freed the slaves

at your own peril.

You did not believe in me,

then came to know

I am the resurrection

and I am the life.

The one who believes in me

will live even though they die.

My Lord.