05x19 - Welcome to the New Do

[bunniefuu]

Malcolm, is this toaster working?

Yeah, but it's a hand-me-down,

so it's going to take

a minute to warm up.

- Warm up?

- Yeah.

- It's got one job.

- (LAUGHS)

- I got to get going.

- No, no, no, no, come on.

Let's, uh, stay and hang

out for a little bit.

I don't want this to end so soon.

Neither do I, but I have

a million things to do.

Okay, well, how about you

wait until your toast

is ready?

(BOTH LAUGH)

- Oh. Yeah, I see what you're doing.

- Yeah.

- But I got to go.

- Oh. Okay, okay.

Well, let me go put a shirt

on, then I'll walk you out.

Marty.

Marty, you ready to go?

Oh. I'm sorry.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Are you visiting Malcolm or Marty?

- Who's Marty?

- Well, that answers that.

How you doing? I'm

Calvin. I'm Malcolm's dad.

Oh. Calvin, you forgot your coffee.

Oh, hi. (LAUGHS) Malcolm or Marty?

- Malcolm.

- Oh.

- Janelle.

- Tina, Malcolm's mom.

- Oh, very nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

Hey-hey! Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Uh, hey, Mama, Daddy, this is, uh

- BOTH: Janelle.

- Yeah.

What is all of this commotion? Oh! Oh.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

So, let me guess. Marty?

Oh! So I came up?

And then, who is this lovely young lady?

CALVIN/MALCOLM: Janelle.

Marty, why don't you put some shoes on?

I got a warehouse I want to show you.

Yeah. We're starting a new business

Butler and Son. Oh. Come on, Tina.

- We should go, baby.

- Oh, I don't have anywhere to be.

So, when did you two meet?

- It was fairly recent.

- Yesterday.

Oh. How nice.

Eyebrows down, Tina.

You know what? I should probably run

before I start meeting your cousins.

(LAUGHS) Um, how about

we just go grab some breakfast?

I just got to put my shoes on. Uh

- Emergency! Hair emergency!

- What?

Whoa, whoa, Grover doesn't

have lice again, does he?

No. Tonight's the banquet at the school,

and my stylist just went into labor.

Oh, no, not today. I know.

I asked her how far apart

her contractions were

maybe she could just squeeze

me in but she got very salty.

Oh, hi. I'm Gemma.

- Janelle.

- Oh.

- Malcolm.

- Mm-hmm.

Yes, this is his new friend.

His very new friend,

if you know what I'm saying. Ha.

Ooh, eyebrows, babe.

I'm sorry to bust in here freaking out.

It's just I'm getting an award tonight.

Well, congratulations. I'm just

trying to get to my bag.

- Oh.

- Ooh, hey, Gemma, I've been looking

all over for you. Grover's late

for basketball, and he

can't find one of his shoes.

- Well, I don't know where it is, Dave.

- You're holding it.

Sorry. I was panicking.

Oh, hey, I'm Dave.

Hey, is that your convertible

outside? It is so cool.

I was checking it out

all last night, and

- and it's still here this morning.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Nice.

- Yeah.

- Dave!

- Okay, uh, yes.

Uh, excuse me. Yup. Thank

- Oh. Oh.

- Yup. Thank you.

- Uh, it was really nice to meet you all.

- Yeah, yeah.

GEMMA: Nice to meet

you. You're very pretty.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Of course she drives a convertible.

What does that even mean, Ma?

I don't know. It just it seems loose.

Okay, Janelle? Uh,

- where'd she go?

- Uh, she drove off.

She probably had her top down.

What?! I'm talking about the car.

Welcome to the block,

welcome to the neighborhood ♪

Welcome to the hood. ♪

Oh, thank you.

Gemma, you owe me big-time.

That was my stylist, Zenay,

and she's going to be

able to fit you in today.

- Oh, you are a lifesaver!

- (LAUGHS)

Well, be prepared to wait.

The first time Tina went to Zenay,

she was gone so long, I

thought she had left me.

Baby

Hey, hey.

Well, look who's finally ready.

I'm sorry. I was hungry, and

our toaster takes forever.

I told you to plug it

in the night before.

Ooh. Hey, guys.

Hey, thanks again for

inviting me to come along.

You know, watching all

those home renovation shows

is finally about to pay off.

Look at this. I got my tape measure,

my stud finder.

- (BEEPING)

- Ooh, look at that.

Found one.

He's been doing that all morning.

- Hmm.

- MALCOLM: Well

(CLEARS THROAT) I am glad

that you are all here,

because I have a question,

and, uh, I'm going to need

you to reserve your judgment.

Now, the beautiful woman

you all met at my house today

Janelle. Yes.

Eyebrows, babe.

So and this is kind of funny,

'cause it could happen

to anybody but, uh

I did not happen to catch her

last name. Did any of y'all get it?

- Wow.

- Okay.

Okay, Ma, Ma, it is not like that.

No, no, no, we met at a bookstore

and made a real connection.

We both picked up the same Colson

Whitehead book at the same time.

Ended up in the greatest

conversation. She's a writer.

Well, maybe you should have

had her write her name down.

Well, Dave, thanks to y'all barging

into my place and freaking her out,

she took off before I can get

her last name or her number.

I mean, Malcolm doing the

nasty with people you don't know

and not knowing their last name?

We raised you better than that.

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS)

Are you telling me you and

Calvin waited to you know?

Yes!

(LAUGHS, CLEARS THROAT)

Uh!

Calvin, we did not do

it on the first date!

No, no, that's right,

but that second date,

I was just glad I had tinted windows.

(LAUGHING): You know?

I did not need to hear that!

The point is,

it wasn't a one-night stand.

He was my future husband.

Yeah, but you didn't know

that at the time, Mama.

You don't know what I knew.

The thing is, I may have found the one,

and I lost her, okay?

Man, I've got to find her,

but the only evidence

I have she even exists

is this sock.

This is very romantic.

It's like Cinderella, except

instead of a glass slipper,

it's a tiny, polka-dotted sock.

No-show socks,

- ankles all out.

- What?

Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh-uh.

So, go through these magazines,

find a picture you like.

I'll hook you up. I'm

thinking something classic,

sophisticated, pow!

Oh, that's what I'm thinking, too. Pow!

(LAUGHTER)

Well, my girl's got

to look good tonight.

I'm getting an AWARE Award.

Uh, Aware Women

Advocating for Racial Equality.

Oh, so the "A" in

"AWARE" is for "aware"?

Well, check you out.

It's for everything

I've done at the school

to foster inclusion

and encourage diversity.

Oh, like hiring me.

Well, you're welcome.

Okay, I got you, but first,

I got to rinse out Jackie,

give Toni a relaxer, and sew

in some tracks for Alyssa.

Then I

- "got you" got you.

- (LAUGHTER)

Hey, come on in, guys.

You know, I'm really feeling

like this place might be the one.

- Yeah.

- Aah. Ooh.

All right, turn the lights back off.

Hey, Marty, come on, man.

You got to give this

place a chance, all right?

It's-it's in our price range,

and it's it's got good bones.

Yeah, literally, there are

bones in that corner over there.

And after the DNA test, Denise found out

that she was adopted (GASPS)

and her biological mother

was her fiancé's mother.

Oh, my God!

- So they're basically brother and sister.

- Ain't no basically.

- Oh!

- Mm!

See, that's why I do

not fool with 23andMe.

That DNA was minding

its own damn business.

Well, I completely disagree.

Now these people can have a fresh start.

Girl, please. I'm going to

her wedding shower Saturday.

What?!

Shut up! You have to stop her!

- Not my business.

- Not her business.

Oh, you two are terrible.

- I love it here.

- (LAUGHS)

(TIMER DINGS)

Oh, hey, that timer is that for me?

Oh, I don't use timers,

Mama. That's the air fryer.

- That's my lunch. Sit tight.

- Oh.

- Hey.

- Oh, Malcolm, what are you doing here?

Hey, Mama, I need to ask you and

Gemma something.

- Mm-hmm.

- Um

This morning when I was in my room,

and you two were talking to Janelle,

did she happen to mention where

she works or where she lives,

you know, anything that

might help me find her?

- Who's Janelle?

- That's his new friend he slept with,

even though he only

knew her for an hour.

(GASPS)

Okay. Okay.

So you slept with this woman,

and you didn't know the

first thing about her?

That's what he should do.

Why waste your time trying

to get to know someone?

I'm not going to buy a car

unless I test-drive it first.

Do you have a picture of

her? Maybe we know her.

Uh, yes, I do.

(LAUGHS) Oh, not that one.

Oh, good Lord!

Okay. Okay, here's a good one.

See? See?

Oh, she cute.

- Yeah.

- I'll tell you one thing.

She gets her hair done

at a Dominican shop.

Mm-hmm. She got that

bouncy, blow-out style.

- Ah. Okay, great.

- Mm-hmm.

Dominican salons. I'm on it.

Ah, I got to go. I got class at 6:00.

- Bye, Mama.

- Bye, baby.

Mm, mm.

He don't need to find

no Dominican salon.

I am right here.

You heard him when he

said "Bye, Mama," right?

Marty, come on, man.

You got to use your imagination

to picture how dope this place could be.

You know, Calvin's right.

This is all cosmetic.

Yeah, you watch these renovation shows,

you'd be amazed what

a fresh coat of paint,

little shiplap can do.

You know, maybe put out

a bowl of fresh lemons.

Why?

I don't know, Marty.

It's just what they do.

Okay, let me ask you. Does?

Does this place have the capacity

for 6,000 amps of electrical current?

I don't know. I didn't ask about that.

But, you know, you'll figure it out.

- You're smart.

- Oh, Dad, it doesn't matter how smart I am.

There either is enough

electricity, or there isn't.

Hmm. It smells like

gas, if that's something.

CALVIN: Okay, you know what?

We'll figure out the electricity

thing because we have to.

I already put a deposit on this place.

What?

W-Without consulting me?

Hey, man, this place is perfect.

I didn't want to lose it.

Dad, we're supposed to be partners,

and you're making all the decisions.

All the money decisions because

I'm bringing all of the money.

And I'm bringing all the research,

all the technical

knowledge, the coding skills,

and not to mention

my engineering degree.

And you know what? If

I'm being really real,

the name shouldn't even

be "Butler and Son."

It should be "Butler and Dad."

(MURMURS QUIETLY)

Okay. Hmm, hmm, hmm. Ho, ho, ho!

You're being real

disrespectful right now

because it sounds like you're

saying I don't do anything.

Yeah, well, I know how it

sounds, and I said what I said.

Okay.

You know what, son? You might want

to take some of that

bass out your voice.

How about I take my whole

behind out of this warehouse?

Marty

I thought there was drama

on Love It or List It.

Ooh. All right, Gemma, I am done.

- I will see you at the thingy.

- Oh.

Is this normal? I've

been here three hours,

and I still have conditioner in.

You've got your conditioner in?

Oh, she is moving today.

It's just every time she does something,

she says, "It'll be a minute,"

but then it's much, much longer.

Oh. See, you have to understand,

when we say a minute, it

can mean any amount of time

from an actual minute to six months.

But you're gonna look good, though.

When? (LAUGHS)

Like she said, in a minute.

(MALCOLM SIGHS)

Hey,

I know this is a long

sh*t, but, uh, you ever been

to that bookstore over on Adams?

- Yeah.

- Yeah? Okay, well, listen.

I am looking for a woman I met there,

and she wears socks like this.

Listen, we made a real strong

connection, you know, and then,

she just she just got away.

"Got away" is a bad choice

of words, okay? (LAUGHS) I

I mean, she took off before

I had a chance to stop her.

"Stop her" in a nice

way, 'cause I'm not

Okay, I see. That's fair. That's fair.

Hello, everyone.

Well, good God.

Welcome to the Art of the

Short Story. I'm Dr. Finch.

Good afternoon

Dr. Finch.

Oh. Hi.

Hi.

From the bookstore.

Anyway the reading

list is challenging,

but I'm sure you all will enjoy it.

I'm just Bookstore Guy now.

Can you believe Marty wants

to call it "Butler and Dad"?

I mean, would you ever speak

to your daddy like that?

No. But remember, my dad was

a bum who left when I was 11.

Um, right. My bad.

However, I was very rude

to my mom's special friend Steve.

I would never ask to be excused.

I would just stand up,

clear all the dishes,

and then then I would wash 'em.

Tina?

So, what do you think? Amazing, right?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Oh, well, Gemma, Zenay

gave you Black girl hair.

- She did?

- What did you ask her for?

She told me to pick out a

picture of what I wanted.

Out of what magazine?

Hype Hair.

Queen Latifah was on the cover Oh!

Oh, my God.

Am I a cultural appropriator?

Well, no, we could get

away with the ponytail

- Uh-huh.

- and the swoop is not so bad.

I'm just a little

worried about the, um

Okay, baby hair. (LAUGHS)

I see you, Principal Johnson.

- Oh, thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

Ooh, let me get a picture

so I can put it on the 'Gram.

Ooh, mosquito.

Go to the bathroom! Go to the bathroom!

I'm the one with the money.

I'm the one with the

business experience.

Marty should be happy to follow my lead.

But Marty does have

expertise that you don't have.

Sure, but he was blatantly

disrespectful to me,

and I'm not having that.

Okay, but Calvin, to be honest,

you disrespected him first.

He's my kid. That's

not disrespect, right?

I'm just setting him straight.

Calvin, that's just it.

You know, he's not a kid.

He's your business partner.

You can't do this without him.

Well, I guess that's true.

You know it's true.

What I know is I liked the world better

when Marty did what I said,

and you lived in Michigan.

- (WHIMPERING)

- I don't know what we could do.

I mean, the-the gel

it's-it's like glue.

Well, try anything. I

don't want to offend people.

Will they take my AWARE away?

- No. No, no. Okay, we got this.

- Okay.

- Let me just see what I got in my purse.

- Okay.

Oh, so (GROANS)

All right, so we got, uh,

eyeshadow, we have a nail file.

We've got ChapStick.

Oh, a ticket stub to

the Ludacris concert.

Uh, two M&Ms and a book of matches.

Ooh, we can light the curtains

and pull the fire alarm.

No, Gemma.

Just be quiet and-and hold still.

I'm going to use my nail

file, and I'm going to see

if I could pry this piece loose, okay?

- Let me see if I

- Aah!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

So as you can see on your syllabus,

next week, we'll be

discussing Joyce Carol Oates.

So, start reading.

See you all next week.

Uh (CLEARS THROAT)

So, everyone gets a syllabus but me?

Well, you'll get one, but

only if I can get my sock back.

(LAUGHS)

Okay, that is fair.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Um, I'd look on the

back of that syllabus.

There's some extra credit.

Oh, and Malcolm,

I'm sure you can get it.

(LAUGHING)

Can I just be happy, Stew?

I got the teacher's

number, man. Look, look.

In the past five years,

our school has made major

strides in diversity,

and credit for that

goes to our principal.

- She has helped

- Where is Gemma?

They're about to call her out onstage.

Maybe she hosting The Hip Hop Awards.

PRESENTER: And we must do this

if we truly are serious about

making a change for the better.

- Hat. Hat.

- Hmm? What, baby?

- Hat!

- Oh.

And so, it's my distinct

pleasure to introduce

this year's winner of the AWARE Award,

Ms. Gemma Johnson.

Gemma?

Thank you, Fiona.

I'm so grateful for this honor,

and I am humbled by it.

She spent eight hours

in the salon for that?

Stay in your lane,

Dave. Stay in your lane.

Despite the fact that I'm

winning this AWARE Award,

I am painfully aware

that there are still a lot

of things I don't know.

And I have blind spots

I never knew about.

But I'm not going to stop trying.

- Yes. Yes.

- That's real talk.

That's real talk right there.

TINA: Yes.

B-Baby, does Gemma have a face tattoo,

or is she rocking baby hair?

You know what?

Daddy likes.

(KNOCKING)

Dad, you knocked?

Well, if you think

that's crazy, buckle up.

I'm about to apologize.

Well, in that case, come on in.

Look, son,

I'm just used to being my own boss,

but now that I have

a partner, I guess

we're the boss.

And I'm just having a hard

time getting used to that.

Look, Dad,

if we're going to be partners,

you have to consult me

on every business decision.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I guess, yeah.

I guess that's good enough.

You know, actually, I'm happy

because I get to piggyback

off your brilliance.

- Aw.

- Which you inherited from me, so

Hey. There it is.

You really don't know

how to apologize, do you?

Well, actually, I do.

I've, uh I've come up with

a new name for the business.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

Butler and Butler.

I like it. It's me and you.

- Well, you're the second Butler.

- Okay. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Of course. Naturally.

Oh. Hello again.

Well, there you are.

Malcolm, I found her!