05x21 - Welcome to the Fatherhood

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hey, Tina. Sorry, I'm in a rush.

It's coffee with the principal day,

and I have to stop at Starbucks

- because school coffee is straight trash.

- Ugh.

Okay. Look, r-real quick. Feel this.

Whoa, that's a lot of cash.

Why do you have all that?

If it's illegal, don't tell me, Tina.

I'm a snitch.

It's advanced ticket sales

for our school musical.

Word must have gotten around

that the director's a genius.

Oh, okay, so you're a genius now?

Follow the money, mama.

Follow the money.

Oh, have a good day, baby.

- Oh.

- Mwah.

- Hoping to b*at traffic.

- Okay.

Oh, hey, Calvin. I know

what you're wondering,

and the, uh, the answer is no.

What was I wondering?

Oh, well, you were wondering

if my dad has reached out to me

since I accepted his

friend request one week ago.

He has not.

Oh, well, sorry to hear that.

Hey, it's his loss.

Yeah. (SIGHS) You know

hadn't thought about him for years,

but then Grover found his picture online

and memories just came flooding back.

Yeah. Yeah, I can see

that. Okay, got to go.

You know, every time I pass a Pizza Hut,

I remember he used to

take me there every Friday

after Little League.

Yeah, I would go to the salad bar

and fill my pockets with croutons.

I literally would have ants in my pants.

Hey, you got to remember the good times.

Okay, now, talk to you later.

And then one Friday, the

Hut introduced stuffed crust.

I'm so jazzed to try it with my dad.

That was the Friday that he disappeared.

Just felt lost ever since.

All right.

Tell me more.

Well, there was a time

I had testicular torsion.

I had no one to talk to about that.

And you still don't.

Okay, how about we, uh,

skip to the part of your life

where you are a father and a husband?

You know, like, if

you saw your dad today,

what would you say to him?

(SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I

Guess I would say, uh,

"Hey, Lamar.

"It's great to see you again.

Thanks for abandoning

me." And then face punch!

Okay. All right. You know what, Dave?

Maybe it's a good thing

he hasn't responded to you.

Yeah, well, maybe it's a good

thing that I haven't responded to him.

Face punch again.

God, just thinking about

him makes me angry A.H.

You know what? I'm just

gonna go ahead and say it.

Angry as heck!

- (DOOR CLOSES)

- Oh, damn.

Welcome to the block,

welcome to the neighborhood ♪

Welcome to the hood. ♪

Dad? You haven't left yet?

I tried, but I got Dave'd.

Yeah, well, I've been there,

but we need to head

over to the Fuse Box.

Some of the people we hired don't

actually do anything until I get there.

Look, son, you're gonna have

to light a fire under their asses.

That's your job now.

Management is more than

having a parking spot.

You have a parking spot?

I'm paying $20 to park at the bank.

Hey.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for 1172 Evergreen Drive.

Uh, yeah, that's next door.

Oh, then you must know

my son, David Johnson.

Oh, damn.

You're Lamar?

I am he, and he is I,

and both of me is delighted to meet you.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, you are definitely Dave's daddy.

(LAUGHS)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm

just gonna pop in on my son.

Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa. I mean, what's the rush?

I mean, you've been gone for 30 years,

what's 30 more minutes?

I think we should talk.

♪

Okay, we're gonna need lots

of spare parts, so I'm gonna

need you guys to hit up

car auctions, salvage yards.

Uh Oh, Reynard,

you know we started at 10:00.

Yeah, sorry, my girlfriend's cat.

Oh, no, I-I'm sorry.

Did-did the cat die?

Oh, no, she just has a cat.

You know how it is.

Uh, no, I-I don't. Uh, anyway,

as I was saying, I've compiled a list

of E.V. parts and models that we need.

We need motherboards touch screens,

batteries Oh, uh, uh, uh, Reynard.

Uh, R-Reynard, what are you doing, man?

Oh, my phone's at one percent, bro.

You can't just unplug things.

I-I was updating our servers.

Now I got to restart the update.

Here. Hey, let's just take ten.

(SCOFFS) Ten's a pretty short break.

You just got here.

Hey, lil' bro. I came to take

you out to lunch, but, uh,

looks like you got your hands full.

That guy sucks.

Yeah, Reynard.

You know, he was great when

we worked together at JPL.

We used to always screw around

together and make fun of the boss.

But now that I am the

boss, that guy sucks.

Daddy's gonna have to fire him.

Uh, wait, why can't you do it?

You know I'm not good at confrontation.

I sign every petition

outside of Trader Joe's,

no matter what they're for.

Dad always knocks the

clipboards out of their hand.

Well, Marty, you keep telling Pop

you want to be treated

like a full partner, right?

Well, drop the hammer down on that dude.

Go on, now.

And I-I've got to ask,

what were your parents thinking

- when they named you Lamar?

- Mm.

It's actually a combination

of my parents' names.

- Oh.

- Oh.

Well, that makes sense.

Latasha and Marcellus.

Of course.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Lamar, I got to be straight with you.

Your son and I are good friends.

Best friends?

He would say that, yes.

And that's why I wanted

to talk to you before

I took you over to see Dave.

He's got complicated feelings about you.

I-I'm sure you can understand why.

I get it. I've been out

of his life for years.

When I heard from him,

I couldn't find the words to write back,

so I just hopped on a bus and here I am.

(KNOCKING) Hey, Calvin,

I got your text. What's the emergency?

Oh, hi. Who's this? Oh,

my God, you're Lamar.

Are you Lamar? You're Lamar.

Dave's gonna freak out.

Don't let him see him. Oh, wait,

that's why you brought

him over here. I'm sorry.

I've had so much coffee this morning.

You must be Gemma.

Actually, it's Gemma with a "juh."

Well, you're as beautiful

as you are caffeinated.

Thank you.

Uh, Tina, Gemma, let me talk

to you guys for a second.

Oh. Oh, okay. Excuse us.

- (CHUCKLES)

- Yeah.

Look, uh,

Gemma, this is your call,

but should we take him to meet Dave?

Oh, God. I mean, he is Dave's father.

- Hi. Sorry.

- (OTHERS GASP)

But I'd love to go see my son now.

Yeah. Come on. Yeah, let's go.

Uh, Reynard, can we talk?

Sure. I'm doing literally nothing.

Uh

- Look, man (SIGHS)

- Hm?

I'm concerned that your talents

are being underused

here at the Fuse Box.

Clearly, you're capable

of much more, and

I think we need to make a change.

I've been feeling the same way.

You have? Oh, good.

You know, sometimes,

a-a job's requirements

and applicant skills just

don't sync up, you know?

- It's nobody's fault.

- Agreed.

Yeah. Well, I'm glad we talked.

You know, goodbye and, you know, uh,

good luck with that cat.

- Thanks for the pep talk.

- All right. (CHUCKLES)

- I'll see you at lunch.

- What the

Hi, honey.

Hey, buddy.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Okay, um, why-why don't

you put down the box?

Just recycling.

Hey, you know if they take these?

Whoa!

- Whoa.

- Okay, uh, okay,

Dave, w-why don't you have a seat?

We have something we want to tell you.

And we don't want you to get upset.

Stop it.

Look, Dave,

someone's here to see you. Now,

you may think it's a bad thing,

but we are hoping it's a good thing.

Come on in.

David.

Son.

Lamar?

I want you to know

that I'm so, so sorry.

Okay, D-Dave, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You don't want to do this. Dave!

Oh.

Okay.

All right. Well, or that.

Do you remember that time

I took you to the movies

to see Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest,

but we went into the wrong theater?

It was Basic Instinct. (LAUGHS)

I can't believe it took us

an hour to figure that out.

Oh, your mom was so mad.

Yeah, mom was mad.

Mom was mad a lot back then.

E-Especially when you left

and never came home again.

Ooh.

That turned fast.

You know, I was really

mad, too. I still am.

And I certainly owe you an explanation.

Yeah, you do.

He's been very upset for a long time.

And that's understandable.

The truth is,

being absent wasn't my choice.

It was the choice of a jury of my peers.

- Oh, damn.

- Oh, damn.

Wait,

were you in prison?

Well yes.

Was it a violent crime?

Because if it was, my friend Calvin

is gonna take you right out of here.

No. No, no, no, I'm not a monster.

Yeah, and-and I'm not a bouncer, Dave.

I stole some money, but

it was a victimless crime.

I took a bunch of money

from some rich people.

I was like Robin Hood,

legendary hero of the common folk.

Who'd you give the money to?

Oh, I kept it.

I was not exactly like Robin Hood.

Dave, I so wanted to tell you,

but I didn't want you

to live with the stigma.

Your mother agreed.

Oh, boy, did she agree.

But the hardest thing about prison

was not being able to see my son.

What about when you got out?

I was a loser. I was embarrassed.

Then I pulled myself together

and I worked up the courage

to send you the friend request.

I'd seen pictures of you

and your family on Facebook.

So happy.

So, I've been waiting,

hoping we can have

some kind of relationship.

Well

face punch seems a lot less likely now.

Was face punch on the table?

- (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah, it was a face punch

- Oh.

and a nut kick and

something to do with jazz hands.

I don't know how Reynard didn't

understand I was f*ring him.

I told him he was being

underused at the Fuse Box,

that it wasn't a good

match for his skills

and that he'd be much happier elsewhere.

Well, that's pretty much perfect.

The only thing you left

out was "you're fired."

It was implied. It was

really, really implied.

(LAUGHS)

Look, it doesn't matter

how implied it was, Marty.

People are gonna hear

what they want to hear.

You know, if you said that to me,

I would just say, "Thanks, man."

He just said, "Thanks, man," didn't he?

Yeah.

Look, bro, as a coach,

sometimes I have to

give players bad news.

The thing I've learned is

it is best to be direct.

Well, it seems mean.

You are damn right it's mean,

but it is nicer in the long run.

Okay. Help me.

Teach me your blunt and brutal ways.

(SIGHS)

Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) I'll be you,

you'll be Reynard. All right.

- Yeah?

- Sit down.

Don't sit down. You're fired.

(GASPS)

Tina.

I don't mean to toot our own horns,

but we did a good thing

for Dave today.

Calvin, quick question, by any chance,

did you see an envelope full of cash

that I left on the counter?

Uh, no. Why?

Ugh. It's gone. It's the school's money.

And I left it here so I wouldn't

forget to move it into the safe,

but I forgot.

I think you're missing the

point of a safe. (LAUGHS)

You put things straight

into it to make it safe.

Hence the name safe.

Are you done?

(CHUCKLES) Come on, come on.

It's got to be here somewhere.

- (SIGHS)

- All right? We haven't had anybody

in the house who could have, uh

- Oh. Oh.

- Oh? Oh, oh, what?

What, what, what?

Lamar. He just told us

that he's been in prison.

He was?

And I gave that thief bottled water.

I knew I should have

just tapped his ass.

So they fed you dinner at 05:00?

Yeah, it wasn't my biggest

problem with prison.

But I got to be honest, I still

get hungry at 5:00. (CHUCKLES)

Do you have an apple?

Hey, Calvin, Tina,

Lamar was just telling us

- about his time in the joint.

- (DOOR CLOSES)

Did you know that you could

wash clothes in the toilet?

Hey, I did not.

But why don't you tell us

all about it in the kitchen?

- Yeah.

- Ooh, and get Lamar an apple.

Oh, yeah.

(SIGHS)

Hey, uh, Calvin, Tina,

I have to thank you

for everything that

you did for me today.

You know, I finally

feel like this huge

hole in my life has been filled.

Well, we're about to rip it back open.

What do you mean?

Dave,

Lamar took Tina's envelope of money.

What? CALVIN: Yeah.

He cracked your safe?

Money doesn't always

have to be in a safe.

Maybe somebody else took it.

It had to be him, Dave.

He's-he's the only one that's

been in our kitchen and prison.

I should have known.

Hate to be pushy, any ETA on that apple?

You have got some nerve.

An orange?

You know what? Lamar,

get out of my house.

- What?

- Get out of my house.

Get out of my house.

Whoa, Dave, what's going on?

This man is a thief.

Where's the money, Lamar?

What money?

You see?

That's exactly what a thief would say.

Look at him, hands

shaking, stomach growling.

It's 5:15. I'm starving.

He stole money from their kitchen.

The money from the play?

(GEMMA SIGHS) And I was

gonna give you an apple.

How could I be so naive?

You know, I really thought that

we were starting to build something.

Me too. Dave, you have to trust me

T-Trust? Why would I ever trust you?

You know, this is exactly

what I should have expected.

Everybody said that you

were a selfish loser.

Mom, all the kids at school,

every waitress at Pizza Hut.

But for some reason, I held out hope.

Get out of my house, Lamar.

Get out of my life.

You already know how to do that.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.

- (DOOR CLOSES)

- (SIGHS) This is sad.

I know.

He's leaving with my money.

Poor Dave. I mean,

what a roller coaster.

What happened?

Well, Dave had a dad,

then he didn't have a dad,

then he got his dad back

and he lost him again.

And on top of that,

my fat envelope of cash got taken.

- Oh, you mean the one that was on the counter?

- Yeah.

Oh, I put that in the safe this morning.

What? Wh Why would you do that?

So it would be safe. (SHORT CHUCKLE)

That's why they call it a safe, Mama.

Hey, uh, Mal-Mal Mm-mmm.

Not now.

Oh, my God, Calvin.

And you accused that poor

man of stealing the money.

Hey, I mean, you got to

admit, it was a good guess.

Okay, uh, I'll check

arrivals, you check departures.

Dave, this is a bus station.

There's no arrivals or

departures. It's just a curb.

Right. Um

Okay, w-what if he's already

gone through security?

No security, just a curb.

Yeah, well, we must have missed him.

(SIGHS) Look, Dave,

I'm sorry I led you down this path.

He just looked guilty.

It's all right, Calvin.

You only got involved because, well,

you love me.

Da Wha

What'd I tell you about

throwing the L-word around

all willy-nilly like this in public?

Ooh, there he is. Lamar. Lamar.

David, what are you doing here?

Uh, well (SIGHS)

we wanted to tell you that

we found the money.

Oh, I'm glad.

- I told you I didn't take it.

- Yeah.

- Look, I'm partially responsible.

- He's totally responsible.

Look (SIGHS)

This is hard for me.

Let me make it easy. Apology accepted.

Yeah, no.

I'm not apologizing.

You know, I thought the worst of you

because you never gave me any reason

to trust you.

You have to earn that.

How can I do that?

I haven't quite figured

that part out yet.

But I'm willing to work on it with you.

Me too, son.

MAN: (OVER P.A.): Bus 343

is now departing for Oxnard.

That's my bus.

Hope I see you again soon.

Hey, uh, I-I have one

question, man. Um

You know, there is a-a Lamar,

Latasha, and a Marcellus.

So, where did David come from?

Oh, that was actually a

fight I lost with his mom.

I wanted to name him LaDavid.

Come on, lil' bro, you

got this, all right?

- You're right, you're right. I got this.

- Yeah. Okay.

(SINGSONGY): Good morning!

You are fired!

- What?

- Boom.

You are fired.

Terminated. Canned. Finito!

Your employment here has come to an end.

Sayonara and good luck

on future endeavors,

wherever they are, because

they will be elsewhere.

Because, to be clear,

Reynard Kittay,

you are fired.

- But the cat has a

- I don't give a damn about no cat!

- Malcolm?

- Yeah?

Please escort this man off the

premises in case he acts a fool.

- Let's go, Reynard.

- (SCOFFS)

Can I at least get my

Red Bull out fridge?

I drink your Red Bull.

I drink it up.

Wow.

Who are you?

I, my good man, am a boss.

Yes, you are. And you know what?

I think you deserve a parking spot.

Well, all right. (LAUGHS)

What-what Do we have one of those?

Well, sure we do, if you,

uh, paint some lines

next to the dumpster.

Go on, now.