DAGWOOD: Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
Blondie!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪♪]
-Good morning, Mr. Bumstead.
-Good morning. Good morning.
Dithers wants you in his office.
Eloise. Eloise. Eloise!
[♪♪♪]
-[CHAIR THUDS]
-[GROANS]
-Oh. Oh, my. Here.
-[GROANS]
Oh, my. Oh, my, sir. Here,
let me help you, Mr. Dithers.
Oh, gee, I'm... I am sorry,
Mr. Dithers.
The day has officially begun.
-[♪♪♪]
-[GROANS]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
About the Whitley
construction project...
-Uh-huh.
-...I have to have an estimate
-for this afternoon.
-Oh.
How many square feet,
and how much it will cost?
It's a 172 feet by 88 feet.
Parking area, 410 by 200 feet.
There are two store rooms,
Now, I want the actual
square footage and the cost
of seven dollars and eighty-two-
and-a-half cents a square foot.
And profit per square foot
of 43 cents.
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Oh, oh, oh, yes.
And that comes to 12,482
and 2,700 square feet.
And 100,510 dollars
point 7,627-a-half cents.
-And the profit--
-Confound you, Bumstead.
-I'll bet you're right.
-Mm-hmm. Am I not always?
Nevertheless, I want
you to get on that thing
with paper and pencil
and figure it out the long way.
-Mm-hmm.
-I want to see a lot of pages
covered with a lot of numbers,
and you can't go home for lunch
until you put it on my desk.
Is that clear?
Uh, yes, sir. No lunch.
-[DOOR CLOSES]
-No lunch?
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello? Oh, Dagwood dear.
Uh. Blondie.
A crisis has arisen--
arosen-- Uh.
It's a terrible thing.
Oh. A crisis?
What kind of crisis?
A big crisis.
What is it, Dagwood? Tell me.
I can't come home for lunch.
Oh.
Yeah. And Mr. Dithers wants
an estimate
on the Whitley job, and--
What a shame.
And I've got this nice,
cold roast from last night.
It has some cranberry sauce,
and relish.
Roast, relish, cranberry? Hmm.
What will you do for lunch?
DAGWOOD: Oh, I'll grab a bite
at the cafeteria.
Be careful now, nothing fried.
Uh. Yes, dear. No, dear.
You can trust me, dear.
Roast, relish, cranberry?
Hmm. Oh, my.
-[♪♪♪]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Do you mind if I sit
at this table?
-Oh, not at all. Please do.
-Thank you.
Here. [CHUCKLES]
Everything gets so crowded
at the lunch hour.
Uh-huh. Yeah. Now, can I do
something else for you?
Oh, no. Now, you just go right
along with what you're doing.
-Okay.
-Pass the sugar,
-will you, Mr. Bumstead?
-Oh, sure.
Coffee? A child of your age
with coffee?
Me? I never touched this stuff.
It's for Mr. Stout,
in the hardware store.
Oh, uh, how's my daughter,
Cookie, huh?
Uh. You know, Mr. Bumstead,
women.
-[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
-Sweet child.
My daughter's fiancé.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
...anything you want.
But where am I gonna write
all that, though?
I'll ask Daddy.
I'll ask him now.
He's home for lunch.
-No he ain't. He had his with--
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Hi.
But he always comes
home for lunch.
Not today, he didn't.
I saw him in the cafeteria
with this-- this dame.
Well, anyway, she smelled nice,
and it was a woman.
Daddy? My daddy?
-With a dame?
-Yeah. Nice and cozy.
-Wanna buy my skates?
-No, I got skates.
-Oh, yeah? How about my bike?
-I've got a bike.
You're one of these guys
who got everything.
So, lend me two bits, huh?
I promised Cookie
an ice cream soda.
COOKIE: Mother.
FOGHORN:
Don't get steamed up about it.
I'll raise the money somewhere.
[HUMMING]
Hello, dear. How'd it go today?
Dang!
-Hungry, dear?
-No.
Well, maybe it's nothing,
Cookie.
So, what if he saw him?
It doesn't mean anything.
Of course, you defend him.
You're a man.
[DOGS BARKING]
Mother mustn't know.
No matter what happens,
Mother must never know.
Understand? Never.
What do you think I am?
Some blabbermouth?
Know what? What mustn't I know?
What have you two been up to?
-Oh, Mother.
-Oh, brother.
There, there. Now, honey,
what is it? You can tell me.
Oh, Mother, Mother,
no matter what happens,
even if Daddy gets custody,
I'll never leave you. Never.
What custody? Custody of what?
What are you talking about?
-The divorce.
-Divorce?
What in the world?
Whose divorce?
-Yours and Daddy's.
-[♪♪♪]
And naturally,
it's hard to believe,
especially for the wife
that this man, her husband,
her own flesh and blood
could be so deceitful.
And there they were,
right out in public.
In public, mind you,
where everybody could see them.
He and that perfumed hussy,
whoever she is.
You mean you don't know
who she is?
-No.
-And are you gonna tell her?
-Who?
-HARRIET: His wife.
-What?
-You owe it to her.
After all, isn't it the wife
who's always
the last one to find out?
I, uh...
I've said enough already.
You mean you're not even
gonna tell me?
Well, really, Blondie,
I'm your best friend.
Is that why?
Because I am your best friend?
It's... it's... it's Herb?
-My Herb?
-Don't be silly.
-It isn't?
-Of course, not.
-Herb? The very idea. [LAUGHS]
-Thank goodness.
Hey. I don't like the way
you say that.
What's wrong with Herb?
You mean after nine years,
you still don't know?
Now, see here, Blondie, I never
talk that way about Dagwood.
-And everybody knows he's--
-Everybody knows what?
Do you think Dagwood
isn't attractive to other women?
Well, I mean, after all...
Well, he is Dagwood.
Well, if you must know,
it is Dagwood.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, no.
Seriously, Blondie. Who is it?
-[SOBS, SNIFFLES]
-My goodness, Dagwood.
Well, we'll just have to find
out who that hussy is.
I know.
-No. Mable hates Dagwood.
-Mabel Carmette. [SOBS]
What about Liz Stewarts.
No, no, Dagwood can't abide Liz.
-How do you know?
-Well, he's told me a 100 times.
She gets on his nerves.
Probably just a cover up.
She's always around here.
And once she's not around,
she's always phoning.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello. Oh, it's you.
-Liz Stewart.
-What gall, what gorgeous gall.
-But we don't know for certain.
-I wouldn't put it past her.
I can't stand that woman.
Ever since I was in the hospital
having Cookie,
and she was over here taking
care of Dagwood and Alexander.
Oh, come now,
that was 11 years ago.
Really, Blondie, you're losing
all sense of proportion
suspecting everyone.
You'll be suspecting me next.
-You do suspect me.
-Oh, no, no. Of course, not.
You do, too.
I can see it in your face.
Has the fight have anything
to do with that?
-Go ahead, say it.
-What?
You know very well what.
You were about to call
my husband an idiot.
That would never cross my mind.
And if I wanna be insulted,
-I can go home.
-Please do.
-I will.
-And don't ever come back.
-[♪♪♪]
-[DOOR CLOSES]
My best friend.
Oh, Dagwood,
how can you stand her?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Just because she's having
trouble with her husband
running around
with some other woman.
[♪♪♪]
-Dagwood?
-Certainly, Dagwood.
Who do you think
I've been talking about?
Oh, who listens?
Uh. Now, darling.
You mean Dagwood?
Dagwood's got another woman?
Our Dagwood?
[CHUCKLES]
Dagwood with another woman?
You did say another woman.
A female? Um. Feminine type?
Real feminine type woman?
Somebody of the opposite sex?
Oh, brother. All I can say,
if Dagwood's got another woman,
the poor gal is probably
starving to death.
Maybe she doesn't want money.
What else would any woman want
from Dagwood?
[CHUCKLES] Oh, brother.
Now, I've heard everything.
Dagwood? [CHUCKLES]
She must be an awful fright
to be interested
-in the likes of him.
-Wouldn't she?
And Blondie had the nerve
to accuse me of being her.
She did? [LAUGHS]
Well, are you?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[DAGWOOD HUMMING]
Honey.
[CHAIR SCRAPES]
Why should I bother?
[♪♪♪]
[DOGS BARKING]
[CHUCKLES] Oh, that's better.
[CHUCKLES] Huh?
[DOGS BARKING]
[DOG BARKS]
[DOG BARKS]
No wifely kiss to greet me,
no kids sticky with jam
climbing up my pants leg,
no drooling dogs
slobbering all over my face?
[CHUCKLES] What did I do?
[♪♪♪]
-Yeah. Uh... Huh?
-[♪♪♪]
What's the matter, Cookie?
What is everybody
sore at me for?
Well, what am I supposed to do
if I don't even know?
Youd only fib about it.
-About what?
-Oh, you know what.
[♪♪♪]
[CLEARS THROAT, CHUCKLES]
-Hi, son. [CHUCKLES]
-Hmm.
Oh, aren't you talking
to me either?
Oh, I'll talk to you, all right.
I think it's high time
we had a talk.
Oh, good, a father and son talk.
Well... [CHUCKLES]
...you're still
a little young, but--
-Why couldn't you confide in me?
-What?
What's a son for
if you can't come
to him with your problems?
Problems? What problems?
-Boy, you're a cool one.
-Huh?
Come off it, Pop,
you've been seen.
Oh, I have? What?
Uh. I've been seen what?
It's all over town by now.
The least you could've done
was be discreet.
Uh. Discreet? I have--
Uh. I'd know
what you were talking about
if I... if I had an idea
-what you're talking about.
-Boy.
Now, stay here, Alexander.
-I'm your...
-[DOOR CLOSES]
...father.
[SOBS SOFTLY]
-DAGWOOD: Blondie.
-[DOOR KNOCKS]
Blondie, you open this door
this very instant.
B-- Oh, Blondie, come on.
Let me in, will you?
I can explain whatever it is,
I'm sure I can explain,
if you tell me what it is.
I'll just bet you can explain.
Oh, that's better.
Now, what is it
that you want me to say?
-Who is she?
-DAGWOOD: Who?
-Your perfumed hussy.
-What hussy? Hussy?
I don't know any perfumed hussy.
Uh. Or do I?
That's right, deny it.
Okay. I deny it. Uh. Deny what?
"Deny what?" Her, that's what.
You were seen together
right in public.
Oh, the humiliation.
You mean I was seen in public
with this perfumed hussy?
Ah, now, it comes out.
You admit it.
Once I know what to admit, I...
BLONDIE: Even
if you wouldn't think of me,
you might've considered
the children
and a shock
of a scandal to them.
[CHUCKLES] What scandal?
What did I do?
I should have listened
to my mother.
She warned me about you,
right up to the time
Alexander arrived,
and after that, too.
"Don't trust him," she said.
If she said it once,
she said it a 1,000 times.
What has your mother
got to do with anything?
Foghorn saw you with her.
That's a lie. I deny it.
I haven't laid eyes
on your mother
since we got thrown in
for Christmas at her house.
Go away. You're not sleeping
in here. Not ever!
-[♪♪♪]
-[HAIRBRUSH SLAMS]
[BLONDIE SOBBING]
[♪♪♪]
Oh, Alexander, I could just die.
Don't die, Cookie,
Pop's probably got
a good explanation.
As for that Foghorn kid,
why couldn't he just
keep his big mouth shut?
[DOGS BARKING]
-[♪♪♪]
-[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[♪♪♪]
But what did I do?
-[GROANS]
-[♪♪♪]
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
Good morning, Mr. Bumstead.
Well, and the same to you.
[♪♪♪]
DAGWOOD: What did I do?
I came home, I opened the door,
I said, "I'm home, Blondie."
And that's when the roof
fell in.
Blondie wouldn't let me
in our room.
It's something
about some perfumed hussy.
What perfumed hussy?
And where does her mother
come into it, and Foghorn?
Oh, what did I do?
Maybe it's something
I didn't do.
But I did mow the lawn.
I did clean up the attic.
Could it be the chimney?
I will not clean any chimney.
I told her a dozen times,
I will fix the washing machine,
clean the garage,
wax the floor.
Uh. Doggonit.
Her husband's the best kind
of labor saving device
to have around the house.
And what does she do all day?
Hmm. "Clean the chimney."
-I will not.
-You will not what?
Oh, good morning, Mr. Dithers.
You better watch your tone,
Bumstead.
I'm the boss around here.
When I tell you to check
those invoices against material,
you check those invoices,
you understand?
Oh, certainly, Mr. Dithers.
Right away.
-[CHUCKLES] I'd be glad to.
-That's better.
I'll have no insubordination.
When I tell you to do something,
you do it.
Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.
MR. DITHERS: And stop bobbing.
Don't be so serval.
Are you a sl*ve or something?
Do I b*at you?
Oh, you're a free citizen
in a free democracy.
You're as good as I am.
Well, you're a free citizen
anyway.
Act like a man, understand?
-Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
-Hmm.
[DOOR CLOSES]
-Wait a minute.
-Huh?
I never even asked you
to check those invoices
-before you said you wouldn't.
-Wouldn't what?
Check the invoices, idiot.
Well, you didn't give me
a chance.
I said I would, and I will.
But you didn't give me--
That's not what I mean.
-DAGWOOD: No?
-No.
-Uh. But... but you just said--
-Never mind what I said.
I'm trying to tell you,
when I came in here,
before I even opened my mouth
to tell you
to check those invoices,
you said you wouldn't.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Dithers.
Uh. I'd be only too glad
to check.
-MR. DITHERS: Bumstead.
-Huh?
Listen to me.
You were talking to somebody
before I came in here.
And that somebody
said something.
And you answered.
You said, "I will not."
Like that.
Now, who was it?
Uh. Oh, now, now, now,
you just take it easy,
Mr. Dithers.
Here, here.
There wasn't anybody here.
Uh. I... I'll get you
a glass of water.
Uh. I'll call your wife.
And, uh, who's your doctor?
What's his phone number?
-Please, please.
-Huh?
Just let's forget
the whole thing.
-What?
-Uh. I didn't hear anything.
-Yeah, but you--
-I never even came in here.
Oh, I wish
I hadn't come in here.
I wish I'd stayed in bed.
Boy, is he cracking up.
But that doesn't mean
I don't want
those invoices checked.
-And no lunch until you do.
-Yeah, but I--
-Please, no. Not a word.
-Yeah. But I--
-Don't say anything.
-Uh--
That's it. That's it.
-No lunch.
-[♪♪♪]
No dinner last night.
No breakfast this morning.
And now, no lunch.
[♪♪♪]
-[♪♪♪]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[CUTLERY CLINKING]
-Oh, it's you again.
-Oh.
-Do you mind?
-Mm. Certainly not.
But I have to dash
in two minutes. [CHOMPING]
Goodness, you'll get dyspepsia,
young man.
You mustn't eat so fast.
I know. But this way,
I don't taste it.
Oh, Foghorn.
Listen, can you tell me
what Mrs. Bumstead meant
last night when she mentioned
you seeing me
somewhere with somebody
some time, huh?
Who, me? Last night?
Yeah, well, she said it
to me last night.
I was home all last night.
I never saw Mrs. Bumstead
last night.
Wha...
Oh, my. Oh, my. Ah.
[CHOMPS] Mm.
I have to go.
Will you excuse me?
If I get here first tomorrow,
I'll save you a seat.
Goodbye.
Oh, young man. Young man!
Oh, dear, he's gone.
These young people,
always in a hurry.
[DOORBELL DINGS]
FOGHORN: Hi, you want that soda?
I wouldn't go
to the corner with you.
What's with her again?
[DOORBELL DINGS]
-Just the boy I wanna see.
-What's she mad about?
So I'm a day late
with her old soda.
Mr. Stout paid me today.
Oh, Cookie's not mad at you,
are you, Cookie?
I most certainly am.
Why? Can I help it
if Mr. Stout.
wouldn't pay me yesterday?
Never mind that.
Now, I want you to tell me
who the woman was
you told Cookie you saw
with Mr. Bumstead yesterday.
The same one I've seen him
eating lunch with today.
-You're sure?
-Sure, I'm sure.
-Who is she?
-Who?
The woman you saw
with Mr. Bumstead.
I don't know. She's the dame
who works in the library.
-She gives out the books.
-The library.
Uh. The librarian.
Well, yes or no?
You want that soda?
-Come on, show me.
-[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
There she is,
just like I told you.
Come on, if you want that soda.
-You're sure that's her?
-Sure, I'm sure.
Okay. You don't want it.
You don't want it.
When you want it,
I hope you're good.
-An obvious type.
-Quite.
[SIGHS] I wish I were her.
It just doesn't make any sense,
Blondie, why should you get out?
Why don't you make him get out?
If you go with the children,
he'll have this whole big house
all to himself with that blonde.
DAGWOOD: Blondie!
-[DOOR SLAMS]
-[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GASPS]
Oh, pardon me. [CHUCKLES]
Uh. What are you doing?
-Uh. Going some place?
-What do you think?
Uh. Gee, Blondie.
If you would've called me
here earlier,
I would've helped you pack.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh. Where are you going?
The children and I
are leaving you.
Cookie and I
are all packed, Mom.
[HAT THUDS]
You're not going anywhere.
Nobody is.
[DOORBELL DINGS]
-I'll get it.
-You will do no such thing.
-We don't live here anymore.
-Huh?
We're not interested
in any callers.
No one's leaving here,
understand?
And don't any of you
try to sneak out while I'm gone.
Get your things, dears.
It's her.
The dame from the library.
[GASPS] She's got the nerve
to show her face in my house.
[DOOR OPENS]
I suppose I should've given
it to the manager,
but I knew
it was very important.
-Hmm.
-So, I kept it with me all day
until I could return it.
[GASPS]
-Is that her?
-Of course, that's her.
How many times I gotta tell you?
Won't you come in?
Why don't you introduce
your friend, dear?
Huh? Uh. Oh, yes. Uh.
I'm sorry.
Uh. I don't know your name.
Miss Peabody. I'm the librarian.
Of course, of course.
I've seen you so often.
Do come in, please.
I'm sorry, I can't.
I was just on my way home.
I dropped
Mr. Bumstead's briefcase off.
He left it in the cafeteria.
-Another time perhaps.
-Yeah.
-We'll look forward to it.
-Yeah.
Yeah. Oh. Uh. Goodnight.
And thank you.
Now, who--
What's all this nonsense
about you and the kids leaving?
Now, see here, Blondie, I--
-[SMOOCHES]
-Hmm? Huh?
-[♪♪♪]
-Huh?
Oh, Daddy, Daddy.
-[DOGS BARKING]
-[KISSES]
Oh. [GROANS]
But what did I do?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
No wonder.
Where are you going, dear?
Uh. I'm going to the library.
You brought me last year's
building manual.
-I need the new edition.
-You stay here, I'll go.
But, Blondie, I'd like a little
walk before I go to bed.
-You're tired.
-I'm not tired.
You're very tired.
You worked hard all day.
Now, see here, Blondie,
I'm going to the library,
understand?
And I don't wanna hear
any more talk about it.
-Yes, dear. Certainly, dear.
-Yes.
I think a little walk
will do us both good.
Huh?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]