DAGWOOD: Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
Blondie!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
I'll have it fixed in a minute,
Daisy.
Aha! See? It's easy
for the master. Hmm.
Oh, Blondie,
I got it working now.
Hey, Blondie!
[BARKS]
-[BARKING]
-Blondie!
[♪♪♪]
Oh, uh, Blondie, uh, do you mind
if I go duck hunting
with Herb Woodley today, huh?
If you fixed everything
around the house
-that needed fixing.
-Hmm. Yeah.
-Well, I worked on the window.
-I know.
Did you repair the wall plug
in the living room?
Well, uh, no.
Did you paint over the cr*ck
in the hall ceiling?
No. But, uh...
Gee-whiz, Blondie, uh,
this is my day off,
I need relaxation.
After working all week
with Mr. Dithers
it does need good to go out
and sh**t something.
I'm sorry, dear,
but these things have
-to be done.
-Yeah, but--
You know how they pile up
when you put them off.
[GROANS] They say a man's home
is his castle.
This is turning out
to be a sweat shop.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
-BLONDIE: Dagwood?
-Yes, Blondie!
BLONDIE: The lights are out
in the refrigerator.
Oh, yeah,
I guess I did that
when I turned off
the master switch.
BLONDIE: Oh, so that's it.
There.
[GASPS] Oh, Blondie,
whatever you do now
don't turn on that switch--
-[SCREAMS]
-[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
take it easy, will you?
-Don't look down.
-Hey, partner,
where did those vermin's go?
Yeah, I don't know, I'm busy.
Come on, man,
maybe we can spot them
from up there on the mountain.
There's somebody up there
already
and he's painting the sky.
-Come on.
-No, no, no, no. Hold on.
-No.
-[BUCKET CLATTERING]
No, no, no, don't look down.
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
What are you doing?
Kids, get out of here.
[GROANS]
Blondie, I cannot work
under these conditions.
[CLATTERS]
Blondie!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
All finished
with the chores, dear?
Finished, I shouldn't have
even started.
-Darling, what's the matter?
-What isn't?
The wall socket is completely
b*rned out,
the whole hall is spattered
with paint.
Oh, Blondie,
you made a big mistake
-when you woke me up today.
-Now, dear, you're upset.
-Yeah.
-Now you lie back
and try and relax, will you?
Well, I don't think I can
but I'll try.
I... I would...
[SNORES]
[♪♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[DOOR OPENS]
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
[GROANS]
Hey! Stop, stop, stop.
Everybody out!
Now listen, I forbid any of you
ever to come back in here again.
Now, do not come back.
Now scat.
What do you want?
But I have to come back,
I live here.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, that's all right.
Oh, don't forget,
check your g*ns at the door.
Scat. Hmm.
Oh. [SIGHS]
-Pardon me.
-Huh?
If they go, I go.
Oh, those kids, those kids.
Dag, well I've never seen you
so rough on the children.
What's come over you all
of a sudden?
It isn't all of a sudden,
it's every week on my day off,
it's always the same thing.
It's the kids running in and out
of the house all the time,
there's always something broken,
I got to fix.
For two pence
I'd sell this house.
-Sell? Our house?
-Why not? [CHUCKLES]
Maybe we could get a new one
where everything works,
and...
in a nice quiet neighborhood,
where there
aren't a hundred kids
under your feet all day.
[MUMBLES]
Yes, sir, I'd sell this house
in two minutes
if it weren't for you, Blondie.
If it weren't for me?
Now just what does
that supposed to mean?
Oh, I know how attached you are
to the house,
so I'll just put up with things.
Dagwood Bumstead, you don't have
to put up with a thing.
If you wanna sell this house,
go right ahead.
[HESITATES] Uh, huh? What?
This is just as much your house
as mine.
And the last thing in the world
I'd wanna see is
-you unhappy here.
-Yeah. But, Blondie, now look--
So don't put the blame on me
if you wanna sell
go right ahead.
Yeah. Listen-- Blondie,
I'll really sell!
I'll really put it right
on the market!
Mom.
You're not gonna let Pops
sell the house, are you?
Now, now, don't worry,
Daddy's just a little upset
today.
And once in a while we have
to let him think he's boss.
Well, he won't sell.
He loves this house
as much as we do.
Now, you know Daddy's bark
is worse than his bite.
I don't know, Mom.
Last month when I stepped
on his fountain pen he bit me.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Oh, come on in, Herb.
Dagwood, you're not dressed.
Aren't you going hunting?
I'm sorry, Herb.
I'm just not in the mood
anymore.
Everything's been going
wrong today.
Gee, that's a shame.
I was gonna let you
try my duck call.
-Huh?
-Listen to this.
-[WHISTLE SQUAWKING]
-Oh.
-Isn't that great?
-Yeah. I guess so. Hmm.
Well, it may not sound
all right to you,
but to another duck
this is Jayne Mansfield.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, if you're not going,
I better get started.
Oh, Herb, uh, you know something
about real estate, don't you?
Do I? I still got
my broker's license.
-Are you interested in a deal?
-Uh, well, I might.
Well, and there's business
to be transacted.
-[HESITATES]
-Hunting can wait.
-Yeah.
-Step into my private office--
-Uh, your office.
-Oh, yeah.
So, you're interested
in real estate, eh?
Yeah. Herb,
you see what I want--
But first, let me give you
the picture.
-Yeah. Huh?
-If you wanna buy a property
these days you must be prepared
to pay through the nose.
-Uh, but Herb--
-Yes, sir,
this is a seller's market.
-Uh-huh.
-Price is booming,
spiraling cost.
If you wanna buy a land
these days
-you gotta--
-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but, Herb, I don't wanna
buy anything.
What? You're not buying?
No, I wanna get rid of my house.
Uh, I... I'm selling.
Well, if you're thinking
of selling,
there's a few things
you got to learn.
It's tough to sell property
these days.
-Uh, it is?
-Yes.
-You may have to take a loss.
-Uh-huh.
This is definitely
a buyer's market.
Oh, uh, what happened
to the seller's market?
Spiraling profits,
rising prices, easy money--
Rumors, idle rumors.
Where do you hear these things?
Uh, from you, right here,
just a minute ago.
Well, that'll give you some idea
how fast the picture changes
these days.
-Oh.
-But don't worry, Dagwood,
I'll get you
the best possible price.
-Oh, thanks, Herb.
-Mm-hmm.
-But say.
-Huh?
Why are you selling?
Uh, I thought you liked it here?
Well, yeah, well,
everything's falling apart,
and everything's wrong with it.
Always overrun with kids.
I think we need a change.
Does Blondie go along with this?
Oh, she practically dared me
to sell.
You know, she doesn't think
I can handle a deal like this.
So, let's not say anything
until we get a prospect
then I'll spring the news
on her, huh?
-Okay, Dag, I'm with you.
-[CHUCKLES]
Now, the first thing we got
to do...
-Mm-hmm?
-...is work out an ad.
-Oh, yeah.
-Now, let's see.
-What do we say?
-Oh, I supposed,
uh, for sale,
a three-bedroom house,
reasonable price,
nice neighborhood, uh, you know.
-That's no way to sell a house.
-No.
-Now, listen to this.
-Uh-huh.
-For sale.
-Hmm.
-Lavished junior estate.
-Uh-huh.
-Exclusive location.
-Mm-hmm.
Exciting view.
-Exciting view?
-Sure.
The only exciting view
from my house is your house.
I'll get it into paper
by tomorrow.
-Gee, thanks, Herb.
[CHUCKLES]
-You know.
-Huh?
I'm gonna miss you, pal.
Oh, I'm gonna miss you
too, Herb.
-You've been a good neighbor.
-Oh, you too.
You've been a good friend,
always willing
to lend me things.
Oh, I couldn't be such
a good lender
if you weren't such
a good borrower.
Well, all I can say
it's not going to be the same
around here without you.
-Goodbye, Dagwood.
-Goodbye, Herb.
Gee.
The way he puts it I'm...
I'm afraid I'm gonna miss it
around here.
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Bumstead, Bumstead.
-DAGWOOD: Yes, Mr. Dithers.
-What are you doing?
DAGWOOD: I'm changing the bottle
on the water cooler.
Well, I have important things
to do.
Drop everything
and come in here.
-DAGWOOD: Yes, sir.
-[GLASS SHATTERING]
Why does he always have
to take me so literally?
Here I am, Mr. Dithers,
Johnny on the spot.
I wish you were Johnny,
or George, or Fred, or Harry,
-anything but Bumstead.
-[CHUCKLES]
Hey, you made a joke,
Mr. Dithers, that's very clever.
I said Johnny on the spot,
and you said,
"Why not George,
or Fred, or Harry?"
-[LAUGHS]
-Oh, shut up!
I'm having trouble
with these figures.
I want you to total them up
for me.
Oh, right away, sir. [CHUCKLES]
"Fourteen houses on one
and one-third acres,
five houses
at 1,400 square feet,
five at 1,450 square feet,
and four at 1,725 square feet
at 13.3 cents per square foot."
Let's see, uh...
[COUNTING MACHINE WHIRRING]
[COUNTING MACHINE DINGS]
[CLEARS THROAT] Which comes
to exactly 18,935 square feet
at 13.3 cents per square foot.
Which equals exactly 241,346.22.
Bumstead, I never ceased
to be amazed at you.
Oh, uh, Mr. Dithers,
about that project
you're working on,
uh, what is it?
It's a new tract
of homes we may get
to the build on the outskirts
of the city. Why?
Well, I may be in the market
for buying one of them myself.
What are you talking about?
You already own a home.
I know, but you see I'm putting
that one up for sale
and I'm looking for one of those
newer homes farther out.
-Uh, Bumstead, wait.
-Huh?
If you're really serious
about selling,
-I may have a buyer.
-Oh?
A very influential friend
of Cora's and mine,
Jay Pearpoint Perkins
and his wife...
-Uh-huh.
-...are interested in locating
in that neighborhood.
Oh, that's wonderful,
Mr. Dithers.
Now, you just have him call
my broker Jay Herb Woodley
and-- Oh, wait a minute,
I'll write the number down
for you.
Hmm.
[CHUCKLES] There.
Thank you very much.
I'll have him call.
-Get out from behind there!
-Oh, yes, sir.
[♪♪♪]
[BARKS]
[DOG GROWLING]
[♪♪♪]
[BARKS]
[DOG GROWLING]
Oh, gee, Daisy,
it's only a game.
Come on, children,
I'll just need you a few minutes
to help me
with these new drapes.
What do you got there, Blondie?
New drapes
for the living room, dear.
Aren't they lovely?
But why buy new drapes
when we're selling the house?
-Who is selling the house?
-We are. Don't you remember?
We agreed and you said
it would be fine with you.
Are you referring to that
silly discussion yesterday?
I thought you'd be
over that by now.
What do you mean over it?
I've got Herb Woodley
handling this sale
and we got a buyer coming.
Dagwood Bumstead,
you mean you'd actually
put our home up for sale?
The home we love?
-Huh?
-How could you?
But Blondie, you said--
What's he talking about, Mommy?
-Is he serious, Mom?
-It certainly looks like it.
He's selling the roof
from over our heads.
-Huh?
-Pop?
-Huh?
-We can't move now,
not when I just got acquainted
with a new girl on the corner.
Why are you breaking up
my first serious romance.
Yeah, I don't--
How can it be a serious romance
when you're just got acquainted?
I'm a fast worker.
It's no use pleading with him,
children.
He's a cruel and ruthless man.
Yeah, but Blondie.
Uh, Cookie--
Look, Alexander, uh...
-Daisy...
-[DAISY GROWLS]
[DOGS BARKING]
[♪♪♪]
Something tells me,
I'm gonna have a very bad
Father's Day this year.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Blondie, can I come in?
If you wish, it's your room too
Mr. Bumstead.
Mr. Bumstead?
Do you have to be so formal?
Once you used to call me,
"Snooky Poo." [CHUCKLES]
How about a compromise.
You can call me,
Mr. Snooky Poo.
[LAUGHS] Huh?
I do not call men
who sell their homes right out
from under their families,
Snooky Poo.
Oh, that's what I wanna talk
to you about, Blondie.
I realized what I did
was all wrong.
And I want to apologize.
You do?
Sure. I'm such a goof rushing
into things without thinking.
Golly, Blondie,
I love this house
just as much as you
and the kids.
Honest?
Well, I wouldn't want
to live any place else.
Well, what about all the things
that are broken?
The... the window,
and the light socket,
and the cr*ck
in the hall ceiling.
Aw! They could be fixed.
What about all the children
running through the house?
Aw! I don't mind. [CHUCKLES]
What is the house
without children?
-Oh, Dagwood. [CHUCKLES]
-[CHUCKLES]
Oh, oh. I wanna call Herb
right now
and tell him our house
is not for sale.
[TELEPHONE DIAL WHIRRING]
[CHUCKLES] Do you love me?
You know I do, Snooky Poo.
Snooky Poo.
Oh, no, not you, Herb.
Oh, listen Herb, here's what
I called you about.
Listen, our house
is off the market.
No, no. We're not going to sell.
Yeah, I know I did,
but I'm changing my mind.
Huh? Oh, sure you can come over
and talk about it
if you want to.
But there's nothing you can do
about it.
Our house is not for sale.
-[TELEPHONE BELL DINGS]
-Oh, darling.
Sometimes you're... you're
so strong and forceful.
Yeah, I am, aren't I?
Come here, baby.
Why, Dagwood.
You know something?
I think I'll make a sandwich.
All of a sudden, I'm hungry.
[♪♪♪]
-[HUMMING]
-[DOOR OPENS]
HERB: Are you in there, Dagwood?
Oh, come in, Herb.
Dagwood, you were kidding
about taking your house
-off the market, weren't you?
-Oh, no, I was serious, Herb.
Would you hand me the salami,
please?
But you authorized me
to sell a house.
I've already drawn up papers.
Oh, well, we're friends.
You can just tear up the papers.
Will you hand me the pickles,
please?
-[GROANS]
-Thank you.
And little piece of that cheese.
It's very nice. Yeah.
But I've already made
an appointment
with the prospective buyers
to show them the house
tomorrow.
Oh, well, just tell them
not to come.
I can't do that.
Oh, spare me a piece
of pineapple.
Yeah. And spare me a meatball.
-Meatball?
-Uh-huh. There.
See, now the meatball fits
real snug in the little hole
on the pineapple there.
Dithers is gonna be furious
about this.
He told his friends
your house is for sa... sale.
And now, you're slamming
the door on their faces.
You could lose your job
over this, boy.
Yeah. Well,
I'll explain all this
to Mr. Dithers tomorrow.
Maybe he'll understand.
All right. It's your headache.
I hope you don't get
into trouble over this.
So do I.
[HUMMS]
Oh, I forgot something.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, boy. [CHUCKLES]
[♪♪♪]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Yes, come in.
[♪♪♪]
Are you busy, Mr. Dithers?
-Busy?
-Huh.
My dear, boy, whatever gave you
that idea?
Of course, I'm busy.
What do you think I'm doing
with all these papers
playing tic-tac-toe?
Oh, no, sir.
I just wanted to talk to you
about my house.
You didn't sell it
before my friends had a chance
to see it, did you?
-No, no, no, sir.
-Good.
I've decided not to sell it
at all.
-You what?
-Decided not to sell.
-You can't do this to me.
-Huh?
-You can't back out.
-Why not?
You know how scarce houses
are in that area?
I made a big bet on myself
telling these friends of mine
-I could get one for them.
-Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Dithers.
Sorry isn't enough.
Don't make a fool of me,
Bumstead.
Oh, I can't help that,
Mr. Dithers.
But Blondie and I love
that house.
-Bumstead.
-Hmm?
-Do you like your job here?
-Yes, sir.
-Well, then?
-No.
If it comes to a choice,
my home is much more important.
And if you don't like it,
Mr. Dithers,
you can take your old job
and jump in the lake with it.
Great Scott,
where did you get such spunk?
Oh, you've always been such a...
-Huh?
-Such a Bumstead.
And when it comes to my home
and family
I'm prepared to defend them
like a tiger.
[GROWLS]
-Wait, my boy.
-Huh?
Maybe there's a way out
for both of us.
Why don't you let them
just look at the house,
and that'll get me off the hook.
Yeah, but if they look at it,
they might wanna buy it.
Not if they don't like it.
Well, why wouldn't they like it?
It's a nice house?
-Look, my boy.
-Uh-huh.
When you want to sell a house
you point out all the
good things about it, don't you?
-That's right.
-Well then,
-if you want to un-sell it...
-You point out the bad thing.
[CHUCKLES] Good boy.
Just make it seem bad enough
they won't buy them,
we'd all be happy.
-Hey, it might work at that.
-Of course, it will.
-Mm-hmm.
-Now, you scoot down home
and be there
when they come to look.
You sure are sly one,
Mr. Dithers.
It's too bad you're doing
so well
in the construction business.
You'd make a wonderful crook.
Well, thank you, Bumstead.
What?
[♪♪♪]
I still don't understand
why you simply can't tell them
the house is not for sale.
-Yeah.
-Why can't you, pop?
Look, it's a very
delicate situation
involving Mr. Dithers' pride.
Now, if we do it this way,
we won't embarrass him
and we'll still have our house.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Oh, there they are.
Now, remember,
make everything sound
as unattractive as possible.
And well, just... just say
nothing but bad things.
-What if I can't think of any?
-Well, make up something.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Oh, hello.
Are you the exterminator people
that come to see
about getting rid of the rats?
-Huh?
-Uh, we're Mr. and Mrs. Perkins.
-Friends of Mr. Dithers.
-Mm-hmm.
Isn't this the house
that's for sale?
Oh, yes. This is the place
we're trying to unload. [LAUGHS]
Won't you come in?
Oh, be careful.
You nearly stepped in that
soft spot on the floor there.
-Soft spot?
-Yeah,
all those little termites,
they just gnaw, gnaw, gnaw.
Oh, I want you
to meet my family.
Oh, Blondie,
these are the suckers...
Uh, I mean, these are the people
that came to see the house.
These are Mr. and Mrs. Perkins.
Mrs. Bumstead.
My son, Alexander.
How do you do?
I'm very glad to...
[SNEEZES]
Oh, excuse me.
The drafts in this house
is something awful.
-Oh, would you like--
-[SNEEZES]
-Would you like to...
-[SNEEZES]
[SNEEZES]
Would you like to see the rest
of the house or do you wanna
-turn it down now, huh?
-[ALEXANDER SNEEZING]
Well, we'd like to see the rest
of the house if you don't mind.
Yes, please do.
[SNEEZES]
All right, Alexander.
Don't overdo it.
Oh, excuse the crooked pictures,
Mrs. Perkins.
But they're so hard to keep
straight
what with the house settling
all the time.
-This house is settling?
-Oh, my, yes.
You notice this house
is on third Street?
-Yes.
-Well, it used to be on fourth.
[DAGWOOD LAUGHING]
I think he's joking.
[LAUGHS]
Uh, perhaps you could show us
what's upstairs.
-Oh, sure.
-I'll get the ladder, Pop.
Oh, yeah. [CHUCKLES]
-Wait a minute.
-Huh?
You need a ladder
to get upstairs?
Oh, that's the best way
if you're not used to
climbing the rope.
Perhaps you can tell us
what's upstairs.
Oh, sure. It's Cookie's bedroom
and Alexander's bedroom,
and our bedroom.
-How many baths?
-Well-- How many what?
-Baths? You surely have a bath?
-Uh-uh.
Oh, Blondie, uh,
I knew we were missing something
all these years.
What? Now, I see here,
Mr. Bumstead.
Oh, you've decided against
the place.
Oh, that's too bad.
Well, glad to seeing ya.
[HESITATES] Wait a minute.
-Wait a minute.
-Huh?
-We are not leaving.
-No?
No. There's something
wrong here.
What you say about the place
and what we see
are two different things.
The fact is,
we rather like the place
and we think we can do a lot
with it.
-Oh, no.
-Oh, yes.
Now, as to the price,
we've already talked
to your broker.
And I'm sure
we can get together.
Come on, kids,
let's play cowboy scenes.
The living room is our fort.
Oh, we better go. Daddy's home.
-All right, kids, scoot, scoot.
-Oh, we're going, Daddy.
Oh, no, no. Don't go. Come back.
-Come on back.
-But, Daddy, you just said--
Yes, I know. I was just fooling.
Now, go ahead in
and have some fun. [CHUCKLES]
-Okay.
-Now, kids...
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
I don't want any noise
when I'm here.
Listen, get in there
and make some noise. Go on.
One minute, you won't let us
play in your house,
and the next minute you will.
-Mr. Bumstead.
-Hmm?
you are a confused man.
-[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
-Wait a minute.
[CHUCKLES]
Now, guys.
-Oh, no.
-[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]
Mr. Bumstead! Hey!
Wait a minute, gee-whiz.
-[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
-Oh! Now, cut that out.
-Are these all your children?
-No, just two.
The rest are
neighborhood children.
Oh, yes. They come in and play
like this all the time.
-Oh, it's awful. Oh, kids, kids.
-Good heavens.
Come on, Evelyn,
let's get out of here.
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
Oh, Mr. Perkins,
you're not interested
in the house, huh?
Not in this neighborhood.
Good day.
Good day. Come again.
Blondie, we did it. We did it.
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
Hey, hey.
-[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
-Stop it, stop it! Hey! Hey!
I want everybody out of here!
Everybody out!
-But, Daddy, Daddy, you said--
-I don't care what I said.
I want everybody out
and I don't want ever
to catch any of you playing
in here again.
Now, everybody out! Scat.
Scat. Scram. Come on.
Hmm?
I said it once
and I'll say it again.
You are a confused man.
[♪♪♪]
Oh, hello, Mr. Dithers.
Heard from your friends,
Mr. and Mrs. Perkins?
Oh, yes. I don't know
what you two did.
But you certainly convinced them
not to buy this house.
I guess we did make it sound
unattractive.
[CHUCKLES] We sure did.
Well, everything works out fine.
They're going to buy one
of our new tract homes
and I'm sure
they'll be very happy there.
Yeah, and we'll be happy
staying right here.
Might be a little older
and a few cracks here and there,
and a window that doesn't work.
But somehow
this place is part of us.
Just like the old song goes,
"Be it ever so humble."
"There's no place like...
home."
[BARKS]
[ALL LAUGH]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]