DAGWOOD: Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
Blondie!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
-Elmer.
-[WHINES]
Say, Mom,
are two triangles similar
when their corresponding angles
are equal
and their corresponding sides
proportional?
[CHUCKLES]
Why, Alexander, if you studied
your trigonometry,
you'd know the answer.
[CHUCKLES]
Thanks.
[♪♪♪]
-Say. Look at Cookie.
-Good heavens!
[BLONDIE CHUCKLING]
What's she wearing?
Oh, dear,
that's the costume I wore
in the Fremont High School
frolic of 1937.
I was gonna be
a musical comedy star.
Stop it! A singer?
It would have been
an exciting life.
I had a pretty good voice too.
I might have been a big star.
Stop it! What happened?
Well, one day, a man came along
and offered me a different job.
He said if I took it,
I'd have money,
diamonds, a mink coat,
a big house,
everything a girl could want.
-But you didn't take it?
-You're wrong. I did take it.
I married him.
[ALL LAUGH]
[♪♪♪]
MR. DITHERS: Yes, Willis Scott
signed it this afternoon.
-Congratulations, Mr. Dithers.
-[CHUCKLES] Thank you.
-[CHUCKLES]
-Got a date with him tonight.
We're going out on the town
and celebrate.
Oh, where are we going?
Well, I hear
there's a great show
-at the Cuckoo Club.
-Uh-huh?
You know,
there's a terrific girl
singing there and--
Oh, Dagwood, you're not going.
-Huh?
-Just Willis Scott and I.
Mm-hmm. Well, I just wanted
to go for one reason,
to see you pick up the check.
[LAUGHS]
That'll do.
Oh, no, Dagwood.
You're too young and innocent
to see the seamy side
-of the city at night.
-Mm-hmm.
-Go home to your little family.
-Uh-huh.
And if you hear a howling
around midnight...
-Uh-hmm.
-...you'll know
it's Willis Scott and me
baying at the moon. [CHUCKLES]
Hey-hey!
-[♪♪♪]
-[APPLAUD]
Oh, did we miss the show?
Well, if we missed this one,
we'll catch the next.
Say, did you see the pictures
of Lilian Lurell
-as we came in?
-No.
I was busy bribing
the head waiter for this table.
Oh, I'm telling you,
she's a mighty
fine-looking woman.
You know, I don't care
whether she sings or not.
All right, everybody.
Fasten your seatbelts.
Put on your dark glasses.
Face away from the blast.
Because here she is again
with another encore,
the atomic b*mb of song,
Lilian Lurell.
[APPLAUD]
-MR. DITHERS: Blondie? Blondie!
-Who is this?
-I know that girl.
-What? Dithers, you old rascal,
don't you wanna keep it quiet?
She's the wife
of one of my employees!
Well, then you really ought
to keep it quiet. Shh.
[♪♪♪]
♪ This can't be love ♪
♪ Because I feel so well ♪
♪ No sobs, no sorrows ♪
♪ No sighs ♪
♪ This can't be love
I get no dizzy spells ♪
♪ My head is not in the sky ♪
♪ My heart does not stand still
Just hear it b*at ♪
♪ This is too sweet to be love ♪
♪ This can't be love
Because I feel so well ♪
♪ But still I love to look ♪
♪ In your eyes ♪
♪ My heart
Does not stand still ♪
♪ Just hear it b*at
This is too sweet ♪
♪ To be love ♪
♪ This can't be love
Because I feel so well ♪
♪ But still I love
To look in your... ♪
♪ Just love to look in your...
I love to look ♪
♪ In your eyes ♪
[APPLAUD]
Blondie,
what are you doing here?
-Look, please, please, Dithers.
-Run along, Sonny.
MR. DITHERS:
Now look, you can't fool me.
LILIAN: Pete,
get rid of this character.
Excuse me,
ladies and gentlemen,
but you remember the little man
who wasn't there?
Well, he's here.
Now, now, you can't brush me off
like this.
It's a beautiful night out,
big daddy.
Let's go take a look at it.
-Where's the manager?
-I'm the manager.
Oh, I'm pleased to meet you.
I mean,
get your grubby hands off me.
You're a cute little devil,
but you've got to go home now.
Scott, help me! Help me!
Oh, no. I got a wife
and two children
-who are very fond of me.
-Blondie!
-Bye, big daddy!
-[ALL LAUGH]
And, Cora,
when I tried to talk to her,
five bouncers grabbed me
and threw me into the street.
Oh, stop cackling.
What's so funny about that?
Oh, of course I'm certain.
It was Blondie, all right.
You were asleep when I came in.
But I would have told you
about it this morning
if you'd had the decency
to get up and fix my breakfast.
No, no, no.
Don't call up Blondie
and hint her on.
I just wanted to tell you
because I thought
a little gossip might jolt you
out of bed.
-Goodbye, lazybones.
-[CORA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
-I mean, goodbye, dear.
-[CORA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
-Good morning, J.C.
-Oh, Dagwood, my boy. Come in.
-Well, how's Blondie?
-Oh, fine.
Uh-hmm.
She happy and everything?
Oh, yes.
And how's Mrs. Dithers?
Is she happy and everything?
-Oh, never mind.
-[CHUCKLES]
But isn't Blondie
a bit dissatisfied?
Only with how much pay
you're paying me. [LAUGHS]
Bumstead! Well, I mean,
didn't she wanna be
a singer once
-and lead a little gayer life?
-Oh, yes.
Uh, what are you driving at,
Mr. Dithers?
-Come over, my boy. Sit down.
-Huh?
Sit down.
Let us say I heard a rumor
that Blondie was out
-on town last night.
-Blondie? That's silly!
I heard that she was singing
under another name
in a nightclub.
Now, why would Blondie wanna do
a thing like that?
Shall I tell him?
Why not?
Maybe you haven't noticed
lately,
but Blondie
is a very good-looking girl.
-Uh-huh.
-And frankly Dagwood,
life with you
must be pretty dull.
I can't say I blame her
for wanting to get her hands
out of the dish water
and cut loose a little bit.
Yeah. Yeah.
But Blondie was home last night.
All night?
Well, uh, I took a little nap
before I went upstairs
-to bed last night.
-A nap before you went to bed?
Yes. I... I always do.
It's sort of a preview.
Like a little appetizer
before dinner.
Oh, poor Blondie.
What an exciting life for her.
Anyway, I went to bed early
last night and--
And you don't know what time
she came to bed?
-No.
-Oh, these women.
-How they can fool you.
-Hmm.
-Now, remember, Dagwood...
-Mm-hmm.
...when she comes to you
and tells you
she wants to leave you
for a career as a singer,
remember,
as you hit the downhill trail,
that you've got one friend
who'll always give you
-a helping hand.
-Oh, that's nice.
Who's the friend, Mr. Dithers?
I'm the friend, you nitwit!
when you're a derelict,
don't skid-row.
-Ye... huh?
-Just come to old J.C. Dithers
and I'll give you
five or ten dollars.
Oh, maybe I can have a little
advance on that now, huh?
No! Now, don't say
I didn't warn you.
-Get back to work.
-Oh, yes.
And I wanna tell you,
Mr. Dithers.
I'm sure there's nothing
to the rumor.
And Blondie's a wonderful mother
and a wife and...
Well, I think the whole thing
is kind of silly.
[CHUCKLES]
BLONDIE: It would have been
an exciting night.
I had a pretty good voice too.
I might have been a big star.
Huh?
-Hello.
-Hello, dear.
Mmm. It looks good.
[CHUCKLES]
Blondie, you weren't out
last night, were you?
Oh, out last night?
Why, uh, no. Of course not.
Certainly not.
Where would I go out anywhere
at night?
-What a silly question.
-Well, I just asked.
-It was a question. But I--
-I was right here all the time.
Now who said I left the house?
I can't understand
why you'd even bother to ask.
-Don't you trust me?
-Oh.
All I want you to say is no.
Well, after you went to bed,
I, uh,
well, I just sat around
and knitted a sweater.
Well, somebody said they thought
they saw you eh... huh?
You didn't get much done, huh?
I had to rip out a lot.
Now don't fool with it.
Blondie.
-Hello, neighbor.
-Oh, hi, Herb.
Say, Fred tells me
you're out on town last night
-kind of living it up.
-Yeah.
And how about that fight
at that nightclub?
Look, I was asleep last night.
What fight and what nightclub?
He said Blondie hit somebody
over the head with a bottle.
-Blondie!
-Hold it, boy.
He didn't say he saw you.
Only Blondie.
But he figured
you were somewhere around.
-Blondie.
-Oh, hello, Herb.
Listen, did you hit somebody
on the head
-with a bottle last night?
-[CHUCKLES] No. Did you?
Of course not.
Raise your right hand
and say no again.
I did not hit anybody
with a bottle.
Yeah. Well,
somebody started a rumor... huh?
Hey, what happened here?
Well, I... I just cut myself.
That's all.
It's just an ordinary cut.
There's nothing unusual
about it.
-It's just a cut.
-All right. All right.
My goodness,
but you're suspicious tonight.
Now, are you satisfied? Huh?
Yes, I know, you're suspicious
about that little cut
on her finger, but I'm not!
Or am I?
-Oh. Oh, no, of course not.
-No, it couldn't be.
But when these quiet girls
break loose, look out, brother.
Yeah, but Blondie
just isn't the type.
I hope.
You know, in some ways,
Blondie reminds me
of the wife of a friend
I used to have.
-Uh-huh.
-The poor guy.
Timid and shy, always sweet,
and a wonderful cook.
Uh-huh. What about her?
What happened?
-Oh, it's a sad story.
-Hmm.
We haven't said a thing to him
about you sneaking out at night.
It will spoil the whole surprise
if he knew
I was taking bowling lessons.
But somebody must have seen me
last night.
He's very suspicious.
And he even asked
about this little blister
I got from the bowling ball.
Are you gonna sneak out again
tonight?
If I can get him to sleep
early enough.
I'll take a few more lessons
and we'll win
the husband and wife tournament.
-Leave that to us.
-We'll yawn in front of him.
That always starts him off.
And when he gets in bed,
I'll read him a dull,
dull story.
-Good.
-And I'll try some hypnotism.
-He'll sleep tonight.
-Fine.
So Jerry joined the monastery
and Linda went to Paris
and has never been heard of
since.
Poor Jerry.
Of course,
Blondie's nothing like Linda.
Oh, no.
Of course, she looks like her
and acts like her
and cooks like her.
Hey, come to think of it,
they're exactly the same type.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Oh, just a minute please.
Blondie! Telephone!
It's a man.
-It's a man!
-Uh-oh.
Yes?
It's my bowling instructor.
Pop wouldn't listen in.
Hello?
Go on. Listen in.
No, I couldn't do that.
I trust Blondie.
It wouldn't be fair.
What would she think of me?
You do it.
He said to meet her
at the same time in the alley.
Oh, no.
[♪♪♪]
No. I'm not gonna go to sleep.
I'm... I wanna stay awake
all night.
And the bunny said
to the little boy...
-Uh-huh.
-"...sleep, little boy."
"Sleep, little boy."
Your eyes are getting droopy.
You're falling
into a deep sleep.
-[SNORES]
-ALEXANDER: Sleep.
Sleep... sleep.
[SNORES]
-Not you.
-[SNORES]
Go ahead.
We'll fix up your bed
with the pillows
-so it looks like you're in it.
-The hypnotism worked, huh?
Who knows?
But the next time,
I'm gonna suggest
raising my allowance.
[♪♪♪]
♪ I dream of Linda ♪
♪ With the light blonde hair ♪
♪ Born like a vapor ♪
♪ On the summer air ♪
DAGWOOD:
Blondie, stop! Stop!
Do not call me Blondie.
I changed my name to Linda
and I go to Paris. See?
♪ Poor, old Dagwood ♪
♪ She's trying ♪
♪ To leave you now ♪
Blondie, you can't do this.
Look, pal, she's meeting me
in the alley
and we're both going to Paris.
But, Blondie,
how about our home?
How about our children?
How about our dogs?
How about
our bowling tournament?
-How about the bottle.
-MAN: With pleasure.
Remember, a nice natural swing
and follow through.
Oh, this is a horrible dream.
Oh, look.
You fellas are friends of mine.
-Do something.
-What can we do?
Here you are, fellas.
[♪♪♪]
Blondie! Help! Help!
Help! Help! Blondie!
Cut it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
Huh?
What happened?
Oh, what a dream.
What was that, a single feature
or a continued serial?
Oh.
Blondie?
[CHUCKLES]
Coochie coochie coo.
Coochie...
Huh?
Oh. Blondie's shrunk.
Blondie? Blondie?
Oh, no! [BREATHS HEAVILY]
Somebody stole my wife!
Woodley! Woodley!
Woodley! Hey! Hey, Woodley!
Wake up! Wake up, Woodley!
What's going on? Cut that out.
You'll wake up Harriet.
No, you won't. I'm still asleep.
All right. What was the name
of that...
that... the nightclub
where Blondie was?
Cuckoo.
Yea-- Never mind your remarks!
Listen, I'm not...
Oh, oh, oh, yes.
Shh. Yes, I know.
The Cuckoo Club?
Yeah, the Cuckoo Club!
That's probably where she is!
Herbert, aren't you ashamed
with yourself?
Blondie goes to nightclubs
and you never take me anyplace.
Now see what you've started?
You don't even take me
to nightclubs in the daytime
-before the prices changed.
-Oh, go to bed!
DAGWOOD: Blondie!
The mother of my children!
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Go away!
Blondie!
Blondie? Blondie, dear?
Blondie, what are you doin'?
All right.
What's the idea busting in here?
-Who are you?
-Huh?
Well, what do you mean who am I?
Who are you?
And what's the idea
of kissing my wife?
-Your wife?
-I never saw him before,
and if I did,
I'd look the other way.
Oh, yeah?
Well, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be home
in bed.
And when I looked for you,
all I found
were some pillows
all rolled out.
Look, friend.
April Fool is over
and you're a little early
-for Halloween.
-Yeah?
Now, run along
before I get sore at you.
Yeah?
That's it!
Come on, you wife-stealer.
-Come on!
-Okay, laddie! You asked for it.
Here, come on. Come on.
Oh, wa... wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Maybe this is a second feature
of one of my dreams.
You know, I'm having
these silly dreams all the time.
Look out, Blondie.
Oh, but this is a sure way
to find out.
Oh-ho. It's real!
Come on. Come on.
This is a fight to the finish!
-Hit him, Pete! Hit him!
-Whose side are you on here?
Come on.
-[BLONDIE GROANS]
-Blondie!
[GROANS]
[PANTS] Blondie!
Water. Water.
-Water.
-PETE: Lilian.
-Water.
-Lilian.
Oh, keep out.
That will teach you to tangle
with Dagwood Bumstead.
Come on, Blondie.
I'm taking you home.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[DAISY BARKING]
I had to knock a guy out
to get her away from him.
You've never knocked
anybody out because of me.
I've thought about it.
The guy who introduced us.
Now stop nagging me!
[GROWLS, BARKS]
You all right?
Yeah, I've gotta get
some smelling salts.
Look at those jewels!
Maybe I ought to give up my job
and sing in a nightclub myself!
What, with that voice?
-What's wrong with my voice?
-Oh, nothing.
Except you shouldn't be singing
in a nightclub.
You ought to be singing
at a swamp!
You should be serenading frogs.
Hurry up, I wanna find out
how much she paid
for that dress.
Aren't you interested
in finding out
how she happened
to be at the Cuckoo Club?
No.
-DAGWOOD: Here...
-[COUGHS]
[SCREAMS]
Maybe she's grown unaccustomed
to your face.
Give her some more of that
a*t*matic spirits of pneumonia.
Come on, Blondie.
Please wake up.
-Blondie? There.
-Oh, it's him again. Where am I?
What? You're safe and home,
dear.
Safe? With you?
What happened? Where am I?
Whose sanitarium is this?
Blondie, don't you remember me?
No. Am I supposed to?
Yeah, but that's all right.
How much did you pay
for that dress?
-Oh, forget that.
-That's all right, Dagwood.
She's probably pretending
she's got amnesia.
Why don't you take her upstairs
to bed?
-Oh, that's a swell idea.
-Oh, no, you don't!
I don't wanna hear
any more remarks like that
-from Chubby.
-Chubby? [CHUCKLES]
Hey, she's doing better already.
She recognized you all right,
Herbert.
Oh, Blondie.
Get your hands off me,
you octopus.
DAGWOOD: Oh, Blondie.
LILIAN: Oh, not this.
My name is not Blondie.
DAGWOOD: Listen, darling,
should I call a doctor?
LILIAN: Will you stop?
No. Call me a taxi.
DAGWOOD: Okay. You're a taxi.
[LAUGHS]
I'll get a cold compress,
whatever that is.
LILIAN: I don't remember you
at all. Now stop it.
And you've never seen me
before either.
Blondie, you ought to be lying
on the couch.
LILIAN: Leave me alone!
Get your hands off me!
Uh, Blondie?
[SCREAMS]
Herbert, I'm seeing double.
[SOBS]
LILIAN: I'm not Blondie!
Get your hands off me!
Dagwood Bumstead,
what are you doing
-with this woman?
-Oh, hi. Now, look, see,
I'm just trying to get you
to make a little sense
on what you're doing...
Blondie! Blondie!
Oh, no. There's two of them.
Holy smoke, I got a spare!
You look just like me.
This is amazing.
Oh, no.
She looks just like you.
Who are you? Are you his wife?
-Yes. But who are you?
-I'm Lilian Lurell.
I'm the singer
at the Cuckoo Club.
No wonder there were
all those rumors about me.
Where did you go tonight?
Well, I was taking
a bowling lesson.
I wanna keep my figure.
And besides,
we've got to win
that tournament.
Thank goodness!
Now I'm back to normal again.
How would you know
the difference?
We ought to have our pictures
taken together.
I'd love to.
-You woke us up.
-Is that your bowling dress?
Wow!
[♪♪♪]
-There's two of them!
-Huh, does that make us twins?
Imagine that.
They're confused.
Children, I'd like you to meet
Ms. Lilian Lurell.
You know, Ms. Lurell,
I've always wanted
-to be a singer.
-Really? What for?
I always wanted
something like this.
Well, I better get back
to the Cuckoo Club.
-I'll be glad to drive her.
-Oh, no, you won't.
-Hey, I'll drive her.
-No, Dagwood. I'll do it.
I'm certainly not gonna trust
my husband
out with anyone
as beautiful as me.
[LAUGHS]
-Toodle-oo.
-Herbert!
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, where's Blondie?
The show's going to start
any minute.
Oh, she went backstage
to see Lilian Lurell.
-Oh?
-She's gonna find out how much
-that evening gown costs.
-Oh, women, women.
[♪♪♪]
Good evening,
all you lovely people
who can't sleep at night,
and welcome to the Cuckoo Club.
Tonight, we're dedicating
our first number
to Mr. and Mrs. Dagwood Bumstead
who've just won first prize
in the husband and wife
bowling tournament.
[APPLAUD]
[♪♪♪]
[APPLAUD]
♪ Will you, won't you ♪
♪ Honey, why don't you give me
A little kiss? ♪
♪ Will you, huh? ♪
♪ What are you gonna miss? ♪
♪ Will you, huh? ♪
♪ Gosh, oh, gee
Why do you refuse? ♪
♪ I can't see
What you got to lose ♪
♪ Oh, give me a little squeeze ♪
♪ Will you, huh? ♪
♪ Why do you wanna
Make me blue? ♪
♪ I wouldn't say a word
If I were asking for the world ♪
♪ But what's a little kiss
Between a feller and his girl ♪
♪ Oh, give me a little kiss ♪
♪ Will you, huh? ♪
♪ And I'll give it
Right back to you ♪
♪ Give me a little coat ♪
♪ Will you, huh? ♪
♪ Sable or mink or goat ♪
♪ Will you, huh? ♪
♪ My poor wrist
Is bare as it can be ♪
♪ Won't you decorate it up
For me? ♪
♪ Give me a foreign car ♪
♪ Will you, huh? ♪
♪ Any expensive gift will do ♪
♪ An airplane, a motor boat
Some pearls or diamond rings ♪
♪ But, honey, if you feel
You can't afford ♪
♪ To buy these things
Then give me a little kiss ♪
♪ Will you, huh? ♪
♪ And I'll give it
Right back to you ♪
♪ Plus, interest ♪
♪ I'll give it
Right back to you ♪
♪ Hmm ♪
[APPLAUD]
That's what I call real zing.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I have a surprise for you.
The real star of the show,
Ms. Lilian Lurell!
[APPLAUD]
Oh!
The dress costs 235 dollars.
You're Blondie.
Now I'll never be sure.
Now I'm sure.
[ALL LAUGH]
[♪♪♪]