DAGWOOD: Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
Blondie!
[♪♪♪]
Please, Mr. Bumstead,
let me in!
But you ate up
all my breakfast yesterday,
so come back later.
Let me in, will you?
I'm a hungry man.
All I want is a cup of coffee
and three more slices of bacon,
two or three eggs, some toast,
marmalade,
strawberry jam, coffee.
How can you be hungry
with a stomach like that?
It's not easy.
You just stay outside
and leave me alone!
Don't shove me, Mr. Bumstead!
Please I'm in a weakened
condition.
I hate myself when I do things
like this, but you stay outside!
[SIGHS] I guess I fixed him.
Huh? Oh, no!
-[BANGING ON DOOR]
-Hey! Let me in!
Blondie!
That's right, ladies.
Not only did I graduate
from Princeton
but I was chosen the man
most likely to succeed
in my chosen profession.
-Then why are you a bum?
-Harriet.
Oh, but he is a bum, Blondie.
Gee, you must be solid dirt.
About six layers of it.
And I am probably the biggest
bum in the whole world.
Oh, wait till you meet
my husband.
Of course, I love him.
But when you meet Herbert,
it's as clear as the hand paper
on the wall.
Mrs. Woodley,
you're a fascinating woman.
-Yes, I know.
-Haven't you ever worked?
Work?
Please, Mrs. Bumstead.
I prefer being a bum.
-Do you mind if I spoke?
-BLONDIE: Not at all.
Uh, aren't you afraid
you'll burn under your nose?
Certainly not, Madam.
I make it a practice
never to smoke short cigars.
Well, I just can't believe
that a man of your intelligence
can enjoy being a dirty,
unshaven,
useless-- You know what.
Mrs. Bumstead, I am not useless.
I shall be very happy to do
any jobs you have around here.
And I'll gladly pay you
for them.
Oh, no! I'm a bum!
To take money would be rude.
Well, maybe we can find
some better clothes for you.
And I'll give you
some of my bubble bath.
Ladies, please.
If I didn't look the way I do,
who would give me such a nice
free breakfast?
Now, I will do whatever jobs
you want me to do,
but I prefer to remain
among the great unwashed.
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
Congratulations, J.C.!
I just heard we landed
the Harrison Brown Building.
Now that's right, Dagwood.
I'm a happy man,
and it's a beautiful day today.
Mm-hmm. Now, how about
that 15 shares of stock
you promised me
if Harrison Brown
accepted my plans?
Oh, I feel terrible,
and it's a miserable day today.
Oh, I just can't wait to attend
that stockholders meeting,
and vote my 15 shares,
and being a stockholder.
[CHUCKLES]
The next time, you try
to vote yourself a bonus,
I might be against it.
Now, where is the stock,
Mr. Dithers?
-Bumstead.
-Huh?
Cora and I share the Dithers
Company stocks,
-fifty-five, forty-five.
-Uh-huh.
And if I gave you 15
of my shares,
then you and Cora
would control the company.
Yeah, I know.
But where is the stock?
And if there's two people
I don't trust,
-it's you and my wife.
-Yes.
Well, you can put the stock
right here in my little hand.
-Bumstead?
-Huh?
Were there any witnesses
when I promised you that stock?
Well, no, but... but--
Well, now, I don't remember
promising it to you.
Well, you know you did.
I know it and you know it,
but would a judge know it?
Mr. Dithers.
Bumstead, we've been friends
a good long time, haven't we?
The friendship has just come
to an end.
And during all that time,
have I ever kept my word
with you?
Well, never.
Well, then why do you expect me
to keep it now?
I really don't understand
your attitude, my boy.
Mr. Dithers, do you know
that you are becoming a snake?
And a two-faced,
low-down chiseling crook?
And a skinflint who would s*ab
his trusted employee
in the back?
With pleasure.
I'll admit anything
rather than have you attend
the stockholders meeting.
Now get busy
on the Perkins plan!
Okay. [GROANS]
[♪♪♪]
But Dagwood, Mr. Dithers
promised you that stock.
[DOORBELL DINGS]
Yeah, but today,
he unpromised me.
[CLOCK CLATTERS]
[WHIRRING]
[SIGHS]
The garage door
and the leaking faucet were easy
but this clock has me baffled.
Oh, that's all right,
Mr. Charles.
I couldn't help overhearing
about Mr. Dithers.
-I think it's an outrage.
-Mm-hmm.
Yeah, but what would you do
on a case like this?
Well, I'm glad
you asked me that, sir.
Huh?
You have to fight fire
with fire, Mr. Bumstead.
You need the help of a man
who can be sneakier
and even more untrustworthy
than Mr. Dithers.
A man with larceny in his heart.
I'd humbly recommend myself,
Charles C. Charles,
celebrated scalawag.
Well, it's nice of you
to offer, Mister...
And the name
is Charles C. Charles.
What does the C stand for?
Charles.
My parents had no imagination.
Well, I don't think
there's anything
-you could do about it.
-Oh, nonsense, nonsense.
I can swindle Mr. Dithers
into giving you
those 15 shares of stock
that he promised you.
I can be quite impressive.
Remember,
you've never seen me clean.
And as for these, well,
I have a friend
who keeps little money for me
in emergencies.
I shall wire him,
he'll telegraph the money
right back to me.
I'll get a new set of clothes
and perhaps a cane.
-Oh, I'm going to enjoy this!
-What can we do, Mr. Charles?
Good question, my dear.
Mr. Bumstead.
-Huh?
-You run along your office
and don't be surprised
of anything that might happen.
Mrs. Bumstead, I shall need you
and Mrs. Woodley
to help get things rolling
this afternoon.
And tell Cookie that tonight,
I shall use her bubble bath.
-Huh?
-[LAUGHTER]
I say then, is this the J.C.
Dithers Construction Company?
Are you there?
This is the overseas operator
in London here.
I'm calling
a Mr. Charles C. Charles.
Charles as in Charles,
C as in Charles,
and Charles as in Charles.
No, there's no
Charles C. Charles here.
Do you know
any Charles C. Charles?
Oh, yes. You know him,
Mr. Dithers.
He's a big construction man
in New York.
Oh, yes. Of course.
No, Mr. Charles isn't here.
This is J.C. Dithers
of the J.C. Dithers
Construction Company.
May I help you?
I say hold on a moment,
don't you, now.
Will your lordship
talk to a Mr. Dithers?
[GRAVELLY VOICE] Uh, yes,
important, girl, put him on.
Hello there,
Sir Reginald Wrigleyfield here.
When do you expect Mr. Charles,
old fella?
Well, I'm not expecting
Mr. Charles at all,
Sir Reginald.
Uh...
Your party in Australia
is on the other line,
Sir Reginald.
Uh, tell him to go play
with his boomerang
until I'm ready.
Hello. So sorry
for the interruption, old boy.
But, you know,
I really can't understand this.
Charlie Charles called me
in London yesterday
and said he was to meet a chap
named Bumstead in your office.
-Bumstead?
-Oh.
-You wanted me, Mr. Dithers?
-No, no. Sit down.
You mean Bumstead is expecting
Mr. Charles today?
Well, when he does come in,
will you ask him
to give me a jiggle in London
like a good chap?
Why yes. Of course,
Your Lordship, sir.
Thank you, very much. Cheerio.
[LAUGHTER]
What does he wanna see you
about?
After all, who are you?
Well, after all,
who is Charles C. Charles?
Why, he's a big construction
man from New... Bumstead!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
J.C. Dithers speaking.
I've got a call here...
[CLEARS THROAT]
...for Mr. Charles C. Charles
from Mr. Clinton Calhoun
in Fort Worth, Texas.
Another long distance call.
Get on the other phone,
Bumstead.
No, Mr. Charles isn't here,
but I am expecting him.
Any message?
Well, honey,
you all just hold on
to that little old phone
and I'll find out.
It's a Mr. Dithers
who says would Mr. Calhoun
like to talk to him?
You all wanna talk
to Mr. Dithers, Mr. Calhoun?
Shucks no.
He's just a little
two-bit tinhorn contractor
who builds birdhouses.
Charlie Charles is interested
in a fellow
by the name of Bumstead
who works for Dithers.
[CHUCKLES]
-Cancel the call.
-Cancel the call, operator.
My party's cancelling the call.
[LAUGHTER]
-Birdhouses? [LAUGHS]
-Oh, stop that cackling.
You sound as if you were a bird
hatching a square egg.
Oh.
But what's all that about
Charles C. Charles
being interested in you?
Oh, well, maybe he's heard
how fast I am with the figures.
You know, that comes
in mighty handy
with a very important man.
No, you wouldn't like working
for him. I know him.
-He's hard, tough. He's a bum.
-He is? Yeah.
He's one of the biggest bums
in the country.
But I would rather work
for a big bum than a little bum.
-Bumstead! You--
-[TELEPHONE RINGS]
-Hello?
-Hello?
This is the New York operator.
I got a call here
from Mr. Charles C. Charles
of the Dagwood Bumstead
Construction Company.
The Dagwood Bumstead
Construction Company?
Hey! That sounds kind of nice,
doesn't it, huh?
-Oh.
-Hello.
Who is the person
to who am I speaking to, please?
This is J.C. Dithers.
Mr. Charles is not here!
One moment please.
Did you get that, sir?
I guess he hasn't formed
the new company as yet.
Tell him I'll put the call in
tomorrow from Detroit.
Putting the call, sir.
The Dagwood Bumstead
Construction Company?
But what does that mean?
Well, it probably means
a construction company
-owned by a Dagwood Bumstead.
-Yeah, but what does it mean?
Well, we'll find out
when Mr. Charles C. Charles
gets here.
-In the meantime, keep smiling.
-Oh, shut up!
CHARLES:
That's so much soap here.
MAN: Isn't that
what you wanted?
He sounds a lot cleaner,
doesn't he?
I still think he hates
to take a bath.
Oh, that's 'cause
he's out of practice.
-MAN: Here you are, ma'am.
-Oh. These go to the cleaners.
CHARLES: No. No.
Not the cleaners!
Absolutely. We'll have no more
discussion about it.
CHARLES:
That's why I never married.
[♪♪♪]
He's just going
in his office now.
Yeah. Now, remember,
be confident.
I am confident.
Oh. Now, do you remember
all the details I told you?
Perfectly.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Just what is your proposition,
Mr. Charles?
Well, I want you, Mr. Bumstead.
By the way, you have a contract
with Dithers?
Not that it matters.
My lawyer can break it for us.
DAGWOOD:
Well, as a matter of fact,
I don't have a contract.
MR. CHARLES:
What? Why, that's good!
That means we don't have
to worry about Dithers.
We'll put him out of business
in three months anyway.
What I can't understand
is why a man of your talent
is working with someone
like Dithers.
Oh, just loyalty, I guess?
Oh, Dagwood, I-- Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you had someone
with you.
Yeah. Later, Mr. Dithers.
I'm J.C. Dithers.
Aren't you Charles C. Charles?
I am.
Didn't we meet at a builders
convention at Chicago?
Oh, yes, yes. Of course.
I thought I've seen that face
somewhere before.
There were several telephone
calls for you yesterday.
I told him, Mr. Dithers.
I'll see you later.
Uh, may I ask what you're doing
in this part of the country,
-Mr. Charles?
-You may.
Well, what are you doing
in this part of the country?
It's none of your business.
Bumstead, if you probably know,
Rogers and Hopkins
are planning to build
a new assembly plant
just outside of town.
-Oh, yes, yes, yes!
-And I just thought--
I went out to see Mr. Hopkins.
Yes, and they didn't like
Mr. Dithers
and they wouldn't let him
bid on the contract!
Oh, I'm sorry, Dagwood.
-May I go on, Mr. Dithers?
-Oh, yes, yes. Please do.
Now, I can probably swing
this account to you,
Mr. Bumstead,
if you'll head up a new company
which I shall have
a partial interest.
I'd be delighted.
Why don't we handle it here
at the Dithers office?
Oh, I think it would be nicer
if Mr. Charles
and myself handled it.
[CHUCKLES]
Dagwood, you traitor!
Do you have any interest
in the Dithers company?
Yes. You see, Mr. Dithers
promised me some stock,
but after all, Mr. Dither's word
isn't very reliable.
Look, I'll get the stock
right away
as soon as I can get it out
of my safe deposit box.
He doesn't look
very trustworthy.
Well, I can't help it
if I have a sneaky face.
Oh, don't. Mr. Bumstead,
you have a brilliant future
-ahead of you with me.
-Oh, thank you.
No, Dagwood, please,
for old times' sake.
Well, uh, I'll, uh,
think it over, J.C.
Well, shall we go out
to the Hopkins plan
and get things set up?
And I'll get the stock
right away.
DAGWOOD:
And in the meantime, I quit!
Oh!
Well, uh, you don't think
I went too far, huh?
No. No. Not far enough.
Yeah. But what do we do now?
Just wait?
No! Let's go out
with the Hopkins plan anyway.
-What have we got to lose?
-Okay.
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES] Oh! Thank you.
-[TELEPHONE RINGS]
-Oh.
Hello?
Hello? Uh, this is New York.
I got a call here
for Mr. Charles C. Charles
of the Dagwood Bumstead
Construction Company.
I'm sorry, he just stepped out.
-[DOOR BELL RINGS]
-One moment, please.
[CLOCK RINGING]
Pardon the ring, sir.
That sounded familiar.
Now, where have I heard
that sound before?
I'm sorry I didn't meet you
and Mr. Bumstead sooner,
but the bids are all in.
Now, it will take at least
a week for you to do
all the necessary calculations.
-Have a cigar?
-Oh, thank you.
Mr. Hopkins, let's just call
this a get-acquainted meeting.
After all, the Dagwood Bumstead
Construction Company
is a very new organization.
Wait a minute. Uh...
[TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING]
What sanitarium
did he escape from?
Shh. He's checking the figures.
He can't add up the whole page
of figures in his head.
Please, Mr. Hopkins.
He must have quiet.
Yes, quiet. Please.
Uh-huh. I know it.
There's a mistake
of 13,643 board feet
-in the lumber specification.
-This is ridiculous.
Yeah, but I do a lot
of ridiculous things.
-[CHUCKLES] Do I?
-Yes.
-Mr. Bumstead.
-Huh?
-We do not make mistakes here.
-Oh, yes, you do.
Ms. Butterworth check
the figures on page eight
of the specifications
immediately.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh, while you're waiting
for the answers,
I'll just go over
a few of these pages
and see if there's
any more mistakes, uh,
-then I'll give you a bid.
-This is impossible.
Mr. Hopkins,
if you can't believe
what you see with your own eyes,
I'm afraid we'll find it
very difficult doing business
with you.
Shall we go?
Yes, I guess we are
just wasting everybody's time.
No, no, no.
You might as well stay
until Ms. Butterworth
checks those figures.
Oh, no. Let's go,
because after all,
Mr. Dithers did give me
that stock.
Well, perhaps we should stay
and put in a bid.
-Oh, no. Let's go.
-Fine. We'll stay.
[TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING]
Is he all right?
Sheer genius.
My bid's ready.
Uh, my bid is 633,975 dollars
and... 27 cents.
I can tell you right now
that your bid
is several thousand dollars
higher than all the other bids.
Hmm. That's because they didn't
catch the mistakes
on your specifications
in pages one, two, three,
five, seven, nine,
eleven, and fourteen.
And, by the way, I put down
the right figures for you.
Mr. Bumstead,
this is not only ridiculous,
it's insulting.
Well, it's been nice
meeting you.
Thank you, Ms. Butterworth.
Huh?
Now, I know why there were
all those mistakes
in those specifications.
-What did you say the error was?
-Uh, 13,643 board feet.
-Good grief, he's right.
-Hmm. Naturally.
And I'm right about
all those other mistakes too.
And, Mr. Hopkins,
if you go ahead with your plans,
you'll have the only assembly
plant built on the bias.
Well, shall we off.
Yes. The pleasure was yours,
Mr. Hopkins.
Toddle-oo.
And he just said,
"Meanwhile, I'm quitting."
It's not fair!
After all I've done for him.
All you've ever done
is underpaid him
and overworked him.
No, but I treated him
as if he were my own son.
-I've been like a father to him.
-You've been like a mean father.
Oh, Cookie.
Little Cookie,
are you against me too?
-You bet I am!
-[DOG GROWLS]
-HARRIET: Mr. Dithers?
-Yes?
-Why are you such a cheapskate?
-Oh, I don't know.
I guess it's because I love--
I'm not a cheapskate!
Why does everybody hate me?
Because you don't keep
your promises.
And because you're not
nice to daddy.
And you make him work late.
And because you're such
a cheapskate.
Well, look, here's the stock
I promised to give Dagwood.
But the only reason
you're giving it to him
is because you're afraid
he and Mr. Charles
will take away
all of your business.
You know what the man said
about forming
a new construction company.
Yes, I know. Wait a minute!
How do you know about that?
Well, uh, he called here
before he called your office.
Well. Well, everything
would have been fine
if that troublemaker
Charles C. Charles
hadn't shown up.
Do you wanna give me
the stock now?
No.
I wanna give it
to Dagwood personally.
A sort of presentation,
welcoming him as a stockholder.
Dagwood, my boy!
Where have you been?
-Later, later.
-Oh, Mr. Charles?
-Hi, Daddy.
-Hi, Cookie. Hi, Blondie.
Hi, Mrs. Woodley.
This is Mr. Charles.
Cookie and Blondie,
Mrs. Woodley,
and of course
you met Mr. Dithers.
-Unfortunately, yes.
-Yes. Now--
Oh, Dagwood, son, I missed you.
And, look,
I brought the stock for you.
Oh, no, no. I wouldn't be
interested in that now.
Huh? No, no, no.
Uh, Mr. Charles and myself
are forming our own company.
Uh, it might be a bit simpler
if we were to let
Mr. Dithers company
handle the whole thing.
-Oh, I don't--
-Of course, it would.
Oh, you're a real human being,
Mr. Charles.
What did you think he was?
From Mars?
I meant it as a compliment!
Oh, I thought
you didn't like him?
You said before
he was a troublemaker.
A troublemaker, eh?
Excuse me.
No, you misunderstood me.
I didn't misunderstand.
You said he was a troublemaker.
Mrs. Woodley, please!
-Well, Dagwood, what do you say?
-What's your decision, Dagwood?
-[CLOCK RINGS]
-No. No. Who cares about stocks?
[CLOCK WHIRRING]
Wait a minute!
I knew I heard
that sound before!
You were the New York operator,
Blondie,
and all those are phony calls.
And I don't know who you are
but you're a phony too!
You don't know
any Sir Reginald Wrigleyfield
-in London.
-Oh, I don't, eh?
Perhaps you'd like
to put in a call, do we?
I certainly would!
And I'm going to charge it
to Bumstead,
a former employee of mine!
Oh, I'll take the stock now,
Mister--
Too late! You're fired!
Oh. Oh.
Now, he'll found out.
Oh, my.
I should have been nicer
to Mr. Hopkins.
I guess I was just
carried away with myself.
Shh, shh, shh.
Just let me handle this.
That's right, operator.
Sir Reginald Wrigleyfield
in London.
And make it
a person-to-person call.
I want to run the bill up
nice and high.
Now, we'll see!
Sir Reginald's a very busy man.
He may not be in.
Oh, beginning to backtrack,
are you?
Look, Mr. Dithers,
don't get excited about nothing.
Why don't you just come
over here and relax there?
I don't wanna relax!
Bumstead, get your hands off me!
Would you like a cup of coffee,
Mr. Dithers?
I wanna know what's going on
around here
and who that phony is!
Be careful who you call a phony.
Oh, I'm sorry I called you
a cheapskate, Mr. Dithers.
You really are a real--
a real human being.
Oh, no, I'm not.
I'm sneaky and untrustworthy,
and I love it.
I agree with you, Mr. Dithers.
You're right.
And don't think
you can flatter me
into hiring your daddy back.
Oh, now, relax.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, the dogs love Mr. Dithers.
-Get them off me!
-[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Now what do we do?
Hello?
Sir Reginald Wrigleyfield?
It is?
Sir Reginald?
Do you know
a Charles C. Charles in America?
-You do?
-Huh?
You went to Princeton with him?
May I?
-Kindly remove the canines.
-Oh, yes, yes. Of course.
Hello, Reggie. Charles.
How are you, old boy?
Fine. Fine.
Oh, that was some
little pipsqueak of a contact
who had the audacity
to insinuate that I might
once have been a bum.
[LAUGHS] Isn't that ridiculous?
Say, I may run over
and see you this summer.
Yes, I hope so. Right.
Cheerio, old boy.
Cheerio. Cheerio.
Now, what was that
you said about me?
-I may just sue you for slander!
-Now wait a minute.
I admit I may have
spoken hastily,
but I heard that clock sound
off over what was supposed
to be a long-distance call.
And I still think
there's something fishy
going on around here.
CHARLES: Dithers,
this is your last chance.
Now, either you give
Dagwood that stock
or we're going to form
the Dagwood Bumstead
Construction Company
and run you right
into the goffer holes.
That will do. Maybe.
-[DOOR OPENS]
-Mr. Hopkins!
Oh, Mr. Hopkins! [CHUCKLES]
Mr. Bumstead, I want to
apologize for the way I acted.
You were absolutely right
about our specifications.
Oh, I know. I always am.
I just can't help it,
but that's the way it is.
Now, if you'll give me
a formal bid
at the figure you mentioned,
I'll see that you get
the contract.
-Oh, well. [CHUCKLES]
-Here, hold this.
Now--
We'd be delighted to handle it,
Mr. Hopkins.
Dagwood is my most trusted
assistant,
as well as a stockholder
in the Dithers Company.
Oh, yes, my stock.
Oh, um, how about a light,
Mr. Hopkins?
[CHUCKLES] There we are.
-There we are.
-Dagwood! Your stock!
Oh, Dagwood Bumstead!
You're being carried away
with yourself.
Yeah, I guess so.
Well, Mr. Hopkins,
I'll have a bid to you
-in the morning.
-Good.
And give me a ring
if there are any questions.
-You bet.
-Now then,
what were you saying,
Mr. Dithers?
Oh, Blondie, I humbly apologize
and take back everything I said.
I take back everything I said
too, Mr. Dithers.
You're not a real human being.
Oh! Dagwood, son,
you will come back
to the Dithers Company,
won't you, son?
Yes, Father... I mean,
Mr. Dithers, I guess so.
If I was my own boss,
I wouldn't have anybody
to complain about. [CHUCKLES]
Well, feel free to complain
about me anytime you want to.
Oh, I will.
You just wait till the next
stockholders meeting.
[LAUGHTER]
You're sure you won't change
your mind and stay?
Thank you. No, dear lady.
You're very kind
but I'm afraid that, at heart,
I'm just a bum.
You're the nicest bum
I ever met.
Oh, thank you, Cookie.
Oh, and thanks for helping me
get that stock from Mr. Dithers.
Dagwood, it was sheer pleasure.
Although, we did have a worried
moment into it, didn't we?
-Yeah.
-Oh, Mr. Dithers.
-You better hide.
-Oh, certainly not.
-Yeah.
-Watch this.
Huh?
Pardon me, sir.
Can you spare something
for a poor man?
Why, of course.
I'm always glad to help someone
less fortunate than I am.
-There's a dime.
-Oh. A dime.
Oh, thank you, sir.
You are generous.
Clean offer and you can get
a dime from a tinhorn contractor
who builds birdhouses.
Goodbye, Mr. Dithers!
-So long, Bumstead!
-Goodbye!
Mr. Charles! I knew it! I...
[♪♪♪]